Cannonball Run 7: High Speed Heroes
by BKelly95
Summary: Co-written by The Turbo Man. The Cannonballers have returned for another race around the world for a five hundred million dollar first prize. Who will rise? Who will fall? And who will win the Cannonball Run?
1. Any Time The Race Is Run

CANNONBALL RUN 7: HIGH SPEED HEROES

by BKelly95 and The Turbo Man,  
with some suggestions from GX7 and Gothic Chevy.

DISCLAIMER: There are a few original characters in this fic, but apart from them, we own nothing. Most of the Cannonballers' vehicle names come from the RIDGE RACER series. A couple of the names we made up (some names based on song titles and other things) and other vehicles all have their names from the games they were borrowed from, which will be listed at the end of the fic.. The Candy Store mentioned in this chapter is from the short-lived cop series 'FASTLANE", which is also not owned by us. For more info about it, just look up the series on Wikipedia. The cast list provided and the song lyrics are not intended to violate any rules on this site. No profit is being made from this.

Note to Gothic Chevy: we have reverted to some of the vehicle ideas we originally had for the fic, but have kept Team Chaos' vehicle as the make and model you suggested with the modifications you also suggested. We hope this is a suitable compromise. This decision was NOT made to slight you in any way. We are still accepting ideas for characters if you have any. Thank you.

PROLOGUE: "Any Time The Race Is Run, Trouble Is a Given".

* * *

In Orange County, California, Alice and Janice Foyt sat in front of prison warden Stefan Gentiles and a group of law enforcement officials.

"So, Alice Foyt." said Gentiles. "I understand you've been in this facility for a year or two. Your daughter has been here a few months. Do you understand the charges against you?"

"Yes, I do, sir." said Alice.

"I do as well." said Janice.

"The prison board and the State of California have reviewed your case." said Gentiles. "In the past few months, you both have been behaving rather exceptionally. Coupled with some wrangling from your lawyers, we've determined that you are no longer a threat to society. Therefore, you're free to go."

"Thank you, your honor." said Alice. "Janice, thank the man."

"Thank you, sir." said Janice.

Within minutes, the Foyts were on their way out of the prison.

"That was some good luck." said Janice.

"Not luck, planning." said Alice. "Somebody asked me to help them with the Cannonball and arranged it for us to con our way into a release. That lawyer we hired also secured that psychotherapist to coach us on our behavior. That is how we managed to pass the parole board. My last question is: are you in?"

"You know I am, mom." said Janice.

"Excellent." said Alice as she walked towards a black Infiniti G35 sedan. They climbed in.

"Are you Alice and Janice Foyt?" asked the driver.

"Yes, we are." said Janice.

"Nice to meet you." said the driver. "My name's Squeaky Kleen. I'm supposed to take you to my boss."

In the prison, another man met with another inmate, former drug dealer Jimmy DeMarco.

"Mr. DeMarco, the plan is in effect." said the man.

"Very good, Lester." said DeMarco. "Now, we can get our revenge on those Cannonballers. I take it our deal with Yuri, Big Boss, and Mr. Chairman has come through?"

"It has." said Lester. "We've also started hiring hoodlums to assist in taking down the racers."

"Good. It's all coming together." said DeMarco. "The Cannonballers will pay for this insult."

"Will we be stealing the prize money again?" asked Lester.

"If it comes to that." said DeMarco. "Mostly, I just want them crushed."

"You've got it, chief." said Lester. "I'll go inform them of your approval."

"You may leave." said DeMarco. "I've got someone else paying me a visit soon. I want to rattle his cage."

* * *

In the city of Las Venturas, the Four Dragons casino was being prepared for the pre-race party of the Cannonball Run. The creator of the infamous race, Brock Yates, was speaking with the casino's owner, Wu Zi Mu (Woozie to his friends).

"We're very grateful for your allowing us to use your casino for the Cannonball, Woozie." said Brock.

"It's no problem, Mr. Yates." replied Woozie. "You know I used to street race myself."

Brock looked amazed. "I didn't know a blind man could do that."

"Well, after you've fine-tuned your remaining senses, it isn't much of a problem. Wait. I think your partners are coming." said Woozie as Mr. X , J.J. McClure and Victor Prinsi approached.

"Hi, Brock." said Mr. X. "I've heard through the grapevine that Alice and Janice Foyt have been released from prison. I guess that means we can expect trouble."

"Hey, any time the race is run, trouble is a given." J.J. said. "But the Cannonballers who apply are usually the best at what they do."

"Yeah, especially 'Him'." Victor said.

"So, you managed to find a new Captain Chaos." said Mr. X.

"Of course." said Victor.

"He said that the guy he picked this time was the perfect choice." Brock added.

"Yeah, but we hope he won't be too dependent on that mask." said J.J. "Already having great driving skills to begin with is a plus."

"So, are you gonna call Lara?" asked Mr. X. "She's always the early bird when it comes to the Cannonball."

"Yeah, I'll ring her now." said Brock as he dialed a number on his cell phone.

"Bet she'll be trying to go for the big win this year like she did last year." thought Victor to himself.

* * *

By the roadside on a lonely desert road, a tall woman with her dark brown hair in a ponytail stood talking on a cell phone. She wore a form-fitting black leather jumpsuit.

"Okay, Brock. I understand." the woman said in an English accent. "Of course we'll be ready. We've been practicing for some time now. In fact, we're going to have one more trial run right now. Okay, bye."

The woman, called Lara Croft, hung up the phone. Parked not far away was a lime green Lamborghini Murcielago. Sitting inside it were three of Lara's friends.

In the passenger seat of the car was Joanna Dark, who wore a purple leather jumpsuit. Sitting in the back, wearing white and red jumpsuits respectively were Nina Williams and her sister Anna.

Lara got in the car and sat beside Joanna.

"So, Brock knows we're coming?" Joanna asked.

"That he does." replied Lara. "As if there was any doubt."

"This is gonna be great!" Nina said. "As long as someone doesn't chicken out."

"Hey!" said Anna, annoyed. "I've never backed down from a challenge and I sure as hell don't intend to start now! So watch your mouth before you get a fat lip!"

"Hey, time out, you two!" Lara said. "I don't want to have to be playing mother to you throughout this race."

"Sorry, L." Nina said.

"So, let's just see what the Vulcano does, shall we?" said Joanna.

"Oh yeah!" said Lara.

Lara turned the key in the ignition and the Vulcano sped off down the lonely desert road.

* * *

About ten miles away, a silver sand rail approached a huge barn in the middle of a disused farm. The driver, 'Mad' Max Rockatansky stopped his vehicle and got out. He looked at the mysterious note in his hand. It read 'Meet me at the Walsh farm off Highway 84 so we can discuss the Cannonball Run'.

"This is really bloody weird." Max said to himself. "Then again, I'm the one who comes from another dimension."

Max approached the barn and looked through the door.

"Hello." He called "Anybody here?"

The barn was empty and there was no sign of life for miles around.

Max slammed the barn door shut in frustration. "This is a waste of time!" he complained to himself.

Suddenly, the wind picked up a little bit. A touch of thunder sounded. Dark clouds appeared overhead.

"Just my luck." Max groaned. But then, he noticed something strange. In the darkened sky, what appeared to be several shooting stars streaked down towards the ground.

Max jumped out of the way as one of the shooting stars whooshed past him. The glowing projectiles zoomed through the windows of the barn and a few seconds later came a bright flash from within.

Amazed, Max got to his feet and approached the barn. Gingerly, he opened the door fully and his jaw dropped at what he saw. Inside the barn was a sleek black concept car based on a '70 Mustang. Max recognised it as a Grand Touring Garage Trans-Cammer from his knowledge of car history. The Trans-Cammer seemed to be crackling with electricity. Standing near it was a tall figure wearing a one-piece black leather bodysuit and a visored full-face racing helmet.

"What the hell?" Max said in awe.

The helmeted figure turned to face him. "Are you Max Rockatansky?" it asked.

"Yeah." Max said. "Who are you?"

"Oh, excuse me a second." the figure said. There was another bright flash. Max covered his eyes and after a second the flash disappeared. Max looked back and where the figure had been standing was now a dark-haired man wearing a denim jacket, jeans and a red t-shirt. He had a silver medal hanging around his neck.

"I find people find me less intimidating when I look like this." The man said. He had the same voice as the helmeted figure.

Max looked confused. The man stepped forward with his hand extended.

"Jake Kesey." the man said. "Pleased to meet you."

"Uh, hi." Max said as he shook Jake's hand. "Those are some wheels you've got there."

"Thanks." said Jake. "I call it the Black Knight. She does things few other cars can do."

"Hey, as long as it can beat the other Cannonballers, I'll be happy." Max said. "How'd you get hold of such a rare car?"

"I have...connections. Well, let's not wait for the grass to grow. Let's get going!" Jake said as he got into the car on the passenger side. "I'll let you drive, see if you can handle it."

"Thanks, mate." Max said as he got in on the driver's side.

Max turned the key and the Black Knight's engine started with a mighty rumble. The car tore out of the barn and headed straight for the highway.

* * *

The Vulcano roared along at well over 150 mph. A police car sat in a lay by.

"If that ain't a Cannonball vehicle, I'll spit." the driver said. "Shall we catch 'em?"

"If you think you can, but they're goin' like a bat out of hell." his partner replied.

"Okay, here we go!" the cop said as he started the engine. As the Vulcano rocketed past them, the cop car pulled out and took off in hot pursuit.

Lara looked in the mirror and saw the pursuing car.

"Ah." she said. "The traditional beginning of the Cannonball."

"Don't they know by now we can't be stopped?" Joanna said.

"Some people just never learn." Lara said as she put her foot down.

_Brodie Bruce (Mallrats)_  
_Jay (Clerks)_  
_Silent Bob (Clerks)_  
_Willy Wonka (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory)_  
_Charlie Bucket (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory)_  
_Grandpa Joe Bucket (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory)_  
_Bill, an Oompa Loompa (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory)_  
_Jessie (Pokemon)_  
_James (Pokemon)_  
_Meowth (Pokemon)_  
_Giovanni (Pokemon)_  
_Michael Bluth (Arrested Development)_  
_Byron 'Buster' Bluth (Arrested Development)_  
_Tobias Funke (Arrested Development)_  
_The Narrator (Arrested Development)_  
_John Tanner (Driver)_  
_Tobias Jones (Driver 2)_  
_Nick Kang (True Crime: Streets of LA)_  
_Marcus Reed (True Crime: New York City)_  
_Lara Croft (Tomb Raider)_  
_Joanna Dark (Perfect Dark)_  
_Nina Williams (Tekken)_  
_Anna Williams (Tekken)_

The Black Knight pulled off the dirt road which lead to the farm and hit the highway. Max sped the car up until it was doing about 100 mph. They tore up the road, rocketing past another police car.

"Did you see that?" One cop said.

"Hold tight, son." the cop who was driving said "You're about to witness your first high speed pursuit!" The cop took off after the Black Knight.

"Great." said Max. "We're going close to two-hundred here. I don't think even in my old V8 I went that fast."

"Don't worry. There's no cop car in the world that can catch this baby." said Jake. "Just keep your foot to the floor and keep a clear head. And above all, relax! Enjoy it."

"Brilliant." mumbled Max. "I'm going faster than I ever have before, being chased by the fuzz, driving what is probably a boosted car and this guy says 'relax'!"

**Last call now I'm outta time.**  
**And I don't got no valentine.**  
**Singled out, now I stand alone.**  
**The underdog in a modern world.**

_Buffy Summers (Buffy The Vampire Slayer)_  
_Jordan Cavanaugh (Crossing Jordan)_  
_Veronica Mars (Veronica Mars)_  
_Mortimer Goth (The Sims)_  
_Bella Goth (The Sims)_  
_Bob Newbie (The Sims)  
__Homer Simpson (The Simpsons)  
__Marge Simpson (The Simpsons)  
__Bart Simpson (The Simpsons)  
__Lisa Simpson (The Simpsons)  
__Maggie Simpson (The Simpsons)  
__'Mad' Max Rockatansky (Mad Max)  
__Jake Kesey/The Wraith (The Wraith)  
__Frank Martin (The Transporter)  
__Darius Stone (XXX2: State of the Union)  
__Eric Forman (That 70s Show)  
__Michael Kelso (That 70s Show)  
__Steven Hyde (That 70s Show)  
__Fez (That 70s Show)  
__Corey Howard (That 80s Show)  
__June Tuesday (That 80s Show)  
__Katie Howard (That 80s Show)  
__Roger Park (That 80s Show)_

**Suburbia is hot tonight.  
****But nothing seems to feel alright.  
****I don't want your sympathy.  
****I just need a little therapy.  
****At least that's what they say to me.**

The Vulcano and Black Knight raced onto the same highway with the two police cars in hot pursuit.

_Randall "Memphis" Raines (Gone In Sixty Seconds)_  
_ Sara "Sway" Wayland (Gone In Sixty Seconds)_  
_The Sphinx (Gone In Sixty Seconds)_  
_Dominic Toretto (The Fast and the Furious)_  
_Brian O'Conner (The Fast and the Furious)_  
_Vince (The Fast and the Furious)  
Jesse James (Monster Garage)_  
_Steve "Tombstone" Stearle (Monster Garage)_  
_Chris "Body Drop" Artiaga (Monster Garage)_  
_Shipwreck (GI Joe)_  
_Snake Eyes (GI Joe)_  
_Stalker (GI Joe)_  
_Clutch (GI Joe)_  
_Rock 'N Roll (GI Joe)_  
_Ethan Hunt (Mission: Impossible)_  
_Solid Snake (Metal Gear Solid)_  
_Elizabeth Masterson (Just Like Heaven)_  
_David Abbott (Just Like Heaven)_  
_Darryl (Just Like Heaven)_  
_Corvax (Muzzy)_  
_Beavis (Beavis and Butthead)_  
_Butthead (Beavis and Butthead)_  
_Frank Castle/The Punisher (Marvel Comics)_  
_Michael Knight (Knight Rider)_  
_KITT (Knight Rider)_  
_Joe Astor (Viper)_  
_Cameron Westlake (Viper)_  
_Thomas Cole (Viper)_  
_Tommy Vercetti (Grand Theft Auto: Vice City)_  
_Carl 'C.J.' Johnson (Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas)_  
_Claude Speed (Grand Theft Auto III)_  
_Mason Strong (RoadKill)_  
_Spike (RoadKill)_

**Hey ho let's go.  
****I'm gonna start a riot.  
****You don't wanna fight it.  
****One, two, f- you.  
****Don't tell me what to do.  
****I don't wanna be like you.**

The two Cannonball vehicles tore through a T-intersection. A black Ford GT with white racing stripes raced out of the side street and got behind them.

"Who's that?" asked Lara.

"No idea." said Nina.

"Looks like he wants to join us." said Max.

The GT quickly got on the tails of the other two cars. Suddenly, red and blue lights started to flash on the car's side markers, side view mirrors, and sun visors.

"Floor it!" yelled Jake.

**Can't you see it's killing me.  
****I'm my own worst enemy.  
****Knock me down I'll keep on moving.  
****It's the art of losing.**

_Freddie Jones (Scooby Doo)_  
_Velma Dinkley (Scooby Doo)_  
_Daphne Blake (SCooby Doo)_  
_Norville 'Shaggy' Rogers (Scooby Doo)_  
_Scooby Doo (Scooby Doo)_  
_Cobra Commander (GI Joe)_  
_Destro (GI Joe)_  
_The Baroness (GI Joe)_  
_Zartan (GI Joe)_  
_Storm Shadow (GI Joe)_  
_Bugs Bunny (Looney Tunes)_  
_Daffy Duck (Looney Tunes)_  
_Wile E. Coyote (Looney Tunes)_  
_The Tasmanian Devil (Looney Tunes)_  
_Mickey Mouse (Disney)_  
_Minnie Mouse (Disney)_  
_Goofy (Disney)_  
_Donald Duck (Disney)_  
_Daisy Duck (Disney)_  
_Herbie (The Love Bug)_  
_Giselle the Lancia (Herbie Goes To Monte Carlo)_  
_Howard The Duck (Marvel Comics)_  
_Huckleberry Hound (Hanna Barbera)_  
_Quick Draw McGraw (Hanna Barbera)_  
_Baba Louie (Hanna Barbera)_  
_Yogi Bear (Hanna Barbera)_  
_Boo Boo Bear (Hanna Barbera)_  
_Cindy Bear (Hanna Barbera)_  
_Ranger Francis Smith (Hanna Barbera)_  
_Shrek (Shrek)_  
_Donkey (Shrek)_  
_Princess Fiona (Shrek)_  
_Puss In Boots (Shrek 2)_  
_Jack Colton (Romancing the Stone)_  
_Joan Wilder-Colton (Romancing the Stone)_  
_Ralph (Romancing the Stone)_

The two cars came upon a dirt road. The Vulcano turned off on it while the Black Knight continued on the main road.

The GT followed the Vulcano while the Black Knight was chased by the two police cars.

"This guy doesn't give up easily." said Anna.

"Wouldn't be fun if it were easy." said Joanna.

"Does it have to be THIS much fun?" asked Nina.

**Fit the mold and do what you're told.  
****Get a job and start growing old.  
****9 to 5 can make your dreams come true.  
****But I don't wanna be like you.  
****I'm not cool and I'll never be.  
****I break the rules and I guarantee.  
****I don't want your sympathy I just need a little therapy.  
****At least that's what they say to me.**

_Dick Dastardly (Wacky Races)  
__Muttley (Wacky Races)  
__Fearless Leader (The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle)  
__Natasha Fatale (The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle)  
__Boris Badenov (The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle)  
__Snidely Whiplash (Dudley Do-Right)  
__Mojo Jojo (The Powerpuff Girls)  
__Dr. Drakken (Kim Possible)  
__Shego (Kim Possible)  
__Mad Dog McCree (Mad Dog McCree)  
__Jafar (Aladdin)  
__Captain James Hook (Peter Pan)  
__Oil Can Harry (Mighty Mouse)  
__Mean Machine (Judge Dredd)  
__Skeletor (He-Man and the Masters of the Universe)  
__Seymour Drake, Jr. AKA The Drake (BKelly's Cannonball Run stories)  
__Ron Lucas (BKelly's Cannonball Run Stories)  
__Venom (Bkelly's Cannonball Run Stories)  
__Kermit The Frog (Muppets)  
__Fozzie Bear (Muppets)  
__The Great Gonzo (Muppets)  
__Rizzo The Rat (Muppets)  
__Animal (Muppets)  
__Ford Fairlane (The Adventures of Ford Fairlane)  
__Jazz (The Adventures of Ford Fairlane)  
__Don Cleveland (The Adventures of Ford Fairlane)  
__Denis Leary  
__Dane Cook  
__Batman (DC Comics)  
__Wonder Woman (DC Comics)  
__The Flash (DC Comics)_

"I've got an idea." said Jake.

"I've got an idea." said Lara.

"But you have to stop and get out of the car first." said Jake.

"But your seat belt must be on." said Lara.

The Black Knight took off down the road, leaving the police cars in the dust.

The Vulcano raced towards a small enclave. A broken down bridge sat just beyond a dilapidated barn.

_'Stone Cold' Steve Austin (World Wrestling Entertainment)_  
_Nemesis (Resident Evil 3: Nemesis)_  
_Rob Zombie_  
_ Priscilla S. 'Priss' Asagiri (Bubblegum Crisis)_  
_Charlie Croker (The Italian Job)_  
_Stella Bridger (The Italian Job)_  
_Lyle AKA The Napster (The Italian Job)  
Left Ear (The Italian Job)_  
_Dylan Sanders (Charlie's Angels)_  
_Natalie Cook (Charlie's Angels)_  
_Alex Munday (Charlie's Angels)_  
_Agent 99 (Get Smart)_  
_Max O'Grady (MASK 2: The Next Generation by BKelly)_  
_Laura Kennedy (MASK 2: The Next Generation by BKelly)_  
_Liam O'Grady (MASK 2: The Next Generation by BKelly)_  
_Mario (Super Mario Bros.)_  
_Luigi (Super Mario Bros.)_  
_Sonic The Hedgehog (Sonic The Hedgehog)_  
_Miles 'Tails' Prower (Sonic The Hedgehog)_  
_Dice (Midnight Club 2)_  
_Parfait (Midnight Club 2)_  
_Savo (Midnight Club 2)_  
_Trikz Lane (L.A. Rush)_  
_Ty Malix (L.A. Rush)_  
_Lana Davis (L.A. Rush)_  
_Takumi Fujiwari (Intial D)_  
_Keisuke 'K.T.' Takahashi (Initial D)_  
_Dirk Pitt (Sahara)_  
_Al Giordino (Sahara)_  
_Rudi Gunn (Sahara)_  
_The Doctor (Doctor Who)_  
_Amelia Jessica 'Amy' Pond (Doctor Who)_  
_Rory Williams (Doctor Who)_  
_Space Ghost (Space Ghost Coast To Coast)_  
_Zorak (Space Ghost Coast To Coast)_  
_Moltar (Space Ghost Coast To Coast)_  
_Torquenstein (this guy who takes part in the Gumball 3000 race)_  
_Tony Hawk  
Bam Margera  
Captain George Pierce (original character based on the Primus song 'Jerry Was a Race Car Driver')_  
_Jerry Davis (see above)_  
_Mackenzie 'Mack' Hartford/Red Overdrive Ranger (Power Rangers: Operation Overdrive)_  
_Casey Rhodes/Red Jungle Fury Ranger (Power Rangers: Jungle Fury)_  
_Nick Russell/Red Mystic Ranger (Power Rangers: Mystic Force)_

The two police cars raced down the twisty road searching for the Black Knight They found it parked across the road after a blind turn and Max standing a good distance away.

The Vulcano raced towards the barn and smashed into the wall. The barn collapsed quickly, blocking the GT's path.

The police cars slammed on their brakes, but it was too late for the first one. It slammed into the Black Knight which exploded on impact.

The Vulcano hit the bridge and jumped the chasm. The people in the GT could do nothing but watch.

**Hey ho let's go.  
****I'm gonna start a riot.  
****You don't wanna fight it.  
****One two f- you.  
****Don't tell me what to do.  
****I don't wanna be like you.  
****Can't you see it's killing me.  
****I'm my own worst enemy.  
****Knock me down I'll keep on moving.  
****It's the art of losing.**

_featuring_

_ J.J. McClure (The Cannonball Run)_  
_Victor Prinsi (The Cannonball Run)_  
_Brock Yates Mr. X (CR3 by Charles Xavier)_  
_Richard Miller (Time Crisis)_  
_President Baxter Harris (Scary Movie 3)_  
_Ron Burgundy (Anchorman)_  
_ Veronica Corningstone (Anchorman)_  
_Misty (Pokemon)_  
_Lazlow (Grand Theft Auto III)_  
_Skeeter (Interstate '76)_  
_Lola Jackson (XXX2: State of the Union)_  
_Toby Lee Shavers (XXX)_  
_Wrench (The Italian Job)_  
_Handsome Rob (The Italian Job)_  
_Franklin X. 'Frankie' Waters (Viper)_  
_Dr. Julian Wilkes (Viper)_  
_Mr. Chairman (Looney Tunes: Back In Action)_  
_The Big Boss (C.O.P.S.)_  
_Squeaky Kleen (C.O.P.S.)_  
_Dr. Badvibes (C.O.P.S.)_  
_Alice J. Foyt (CR3 by Charles Xavier)_  
_Janice K. Foyt (CR6 by Generation X7)_  
_Yuri (Command And Conquer: Red Alert 2)_  
_Rex Banner (The Simpsons)_  
_Federal Marshal Willenholly (Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back)_  
_Lt. Amos (The Adventures of Ford Fairlane)_  
_Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane (The Dukes of Hazzard)_  
_Sheriff Buford T. Justice (Smokey and the Bandit)_  
_Junior Justice (Smokey And The Bandit)_  
_Sheriff Bender (Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back)_  
_Victoria Crown (original by Bkelly95)_  
_Renee Montoya (DC Comics)_  
_Harvey Bullock (DC Comics)_  
_Officer Michaels (Superbad)_  
_Officer Slater (Superbad)_  
_LaFours (Mallrats)_  
_Buttons McBoomBoom (C.O.P.S.)_  
_Turbo Tu-Tone (C.O.P.S.)_  
_Sissy (Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back)_  
_Chrissy (Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back)_  
_Missy (Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back)_  
_Jimmy 'Dr. Feelgood' DeMarco (CR5 by BKelly, character created by Turbo Man)_  
_Lester Farquar (original by Turbo Man)_  
_Luther (original by Turbo Man)_  
_Charger (original by Turbo Man)_  
_Camaro (original by Turbo Man)_  
_A.M.X. (original by Turbo Man)_  
_Stingray (original by Turbo Man)_  
_Lidell Rey (L.A. Rush)_  
_Francois Toulour/The Night Fox (Ocean's Twelve)_  
_Garthe Knight (Knight Rider)_  
_Yogostein (Engine Sentai Go-Onger)_  
_Kegaleisa (Engine Sentai-Go Onger)_  
_Kitaneidas (Engine Sentai-Go Onger)_  
_KARR (Knight Rider, 2008)_  
_Darius (Need For Speed Carbon)_  
_Kenji (Need For Speed Carbon)_  
_Angie (Need For Speed Carbon)_  
_Wolf (Need For Speed Carbon)_  
_'Big' Donnie Cannaglio (Cannonball Run 2004: Down Under by Bkelly)_  
_Alex (Cannonball Run 2004: Down Under by Bkelly)_  
_Rocco (Cannonball Run 2004: Down Under by Bkelly)_  
_Horace The Hate Bug (The Love Bug, 1997)_  
_Dante Hicks (Clerks)_  
_Randal Graves (Clerks)_  
_Lone Wolf (CR5 by BKelly, character created by Turbo Man)_  
_Bulletproof (C.O.P.S.)_  
_Highway (C.O.P.S.)_  
_Hardtop (C.O.P.S.)_  
_Bullseye (C.O.P.S.)_  
_Nightshade (C.O.P.S.)_  
_Keith Martin (Time Crisis 2)_  
_Robert Baxter (Time Crisis 2)_  
_Claude McGarren (Crisis Zone)_  
_Wesley Lambert (Time Crisis 3)_  
_Alan Dunaway (Time Crisis 3)_  
_The Fleetline Guy (original by Turbo Man)_  
_Virginia Fairchild (original by Turbo Man)_  
_David Dunn (Unbreakable)_  
_Catwoman (DC Comics)_  
_J'onn J'onzz (DC Comics)_  
_Mr. Incredible (The Incredibles)_  
_Elasti-Girl (The Incredibles)_  
_Dash (The Incredibles)_  
_Violet (The Incredibles)_  
_Jack-Jack (The Incredibles)_  
_Multi Man (The Impossibles)_  
_Fluid Man (The Impossibles)_  
_Coil Man (The Impossibles)_  
_The Meteor Man (The Meteor Man)_  
_Blossom (The Powerpuff Girls)_  
_Bubbles (The Powerpuff Girls)_  
_Buttercup (The Powerpuff Girls)_  
_Blue Falcon (Dynomutt Dog Wonder)_  
_Dynomutt (Dynomutt Dog Wonder)_  
_Dudley Do-Right (Dudley Do-Right)_  
_Batgirl (DC Comics)_  
_General Warwick (RoadKill)_  
_Gunny (RoadKill)_  
_Coach Knox (RoadKill)_  
_Vinny (RoadKill)_

The officers jumped out of the car that tore through the Black Knight and ran. The car exploded a second later. The officers in the second car got out to assist. That's when the Black Knight reformed.

The car pulled over to Max and he got in. They raced off together and were later joined by the Vulcano.

_Buzzer (G.I. Joe)_  
_Ripper (G.I. Joe)_  
_Torch (G.I. Joe)_  
_Thrasher (G.I. Joe)_  
_Monkeywrench (G.I. Joe)_  
_Zandar (G.I. Joe)_  
_Zarana (G.I. Joe)_  
_Zanya (G.I. Joe)_  
_Zanzibar (G.I. Joe)_  
_Roadpig (G.I. Joe)_  
_Gnawgahyde (G.I. Joe)_  
_Simon Caine (The Meteor Man)_  
_Goldilocks (The Meteor Man)_  
_Digit (The Meteor Man)_  
_Uzi (The Meteor Man)_  
_Charlie 'Dr. Frankenstein' Weller (MASK 2 by BKelly)_  
_Thunder Bob (Roadkill)_  
_Toni (Grand Theft Auto III)_  
_Bowling For Soup  
The Killers  
Franz Ferdinand  
Barenaked Ladies  
Jimmy Eat World  
LL Cool J  
Love Fist (Grand Theft Auto: Vice City)_  
_Moby  
Papa Roach  
Natasha Martin (Redline)_  
_Moving Violation (Redline)_  
_Chili Palmer (Get Shorty)_  
_Linda Moon (Be Cool)_  
_Pink  
Usher  
The Bloodhound Gang  
Warden Stefan Gentiles (Arrested Development)_  
_Domino (Pokemon: Mewtwo Returns)_  
_Butch (Pokemon)_  
_Cassidy (Pokemon)_  
_Annie (Pokemon Heroes)_  
_Oakley (Pokemon Heroes)_  
_Chief Clancy Wiggum (The Simpsons)_  
_Charlie (Charlie's Angels)_  
_Mitzi, a Hot Alien Chick (Dude Where's My Car?)_  
_George Bluth Sr. (Arrested Development)_  
_George-Oscar "Gob" Bluth (Arrested Development)_  
_J. Walter Weatherman (Arrested Development)  
Oscar Bluth (Arrested Development)_  
_Lou (The Simpsons)_  
_Nelson Muntz (The Simpsons)_  
_Mission Commander Swanbeck (Mission Impossible 2)_  
_Hawk (G.I. Joe)_  
_Duke (G.I. Joe)_  
_Flint (G.I. Joe)_  
_Dr. Bonnie Barstow (Knight Rider)_  
_RC3 (Knight Rider)_  
_Beverly Switzler (Howard The Duck)_  
_Miss Piggy (The Muppet Show)_  
_Sylia Stingray (Bubblegum Crisis)_  
_Nene Romanova (Bubblegum Crisis)_  
_Linna Yamakazi (Bubblegum Crisis)  
__Patrick (Scooby Doo: Monsters Unleashed)_  
_Mashkov (The Italian Job)  
__Admiral James Sandecker (Sahara)_  
_Jeremy Sanchez (MASK 2: The Next Generation)_  
_Enzo Castaldi (MASK 2: The Next Generation)_  
_Wu Zi Mu/Woozie (Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas)_  
_Danica Patrick  
Milton Waddams (Office Space)  
__Liane Forget (Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas)  
Penn Jillette (Penn And Teller)  
Teller (Penn And Teller)_  
_Mango (Saturday Night Live)_  
_Gloria Baker (M.A.S.K.)_  
_April O'Neil (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)  
Sheriff Baxter (original character created by Bkelly95)_  
_Masado, the Interpreter (original character created by Bkelly95)  
__Sheriff Jack Carter (Eureka)  
Deputy Josefina "Jo" Lupo (Eureka)_  
_Papa Jupiter (The Hills Have Eyes, 2006)  
Lizard (The Hills Have Eyes, 2006)_  
_Pluto (The Hills Have Eyes, 2006)_  
_Barricade (Transformers, 2007)  
Holly Ellenbogen (The Class)_  
_Robin Scherbatsky (How I Met Your Mother)_  
_Sorenson (Suikoden V)_  
_Babbage (Suikoden V)_  
_Lu (Suikoden V)_  
_Scarlett (G.I. Joe)_  
_Cover Girl (G.I. Joe)_

**You call me a loser.  
****Say I'm just a user.  
****But I'll just keep on moving.  
****Cause that's the art of losing.**

_Buckaroo Banzai (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)_  
_Sydney 'New Jersey' Zweibel (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)_  
_Perfect Tommy (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)_  
_Rawhide (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)_  
_Reno Nevada (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)_  
_Professor Toichi Hikita (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)_  
_Billy Travers (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)_  
_Pinky Carruthers (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)_  
_Sgt. Carey Mahoney (Police Academy)_  
_Sgt. Larvell Jones (Police Academy)_  
_Nigel Townsend (Crossing Jordan)_  
_Bosco (Sam and Max Season One)  
__Norman Drabble (Drabble)  
Stu (Drabble)  
Leonard (Drabble)_  
_Eljin (Drabble)  
Tony Basilotta (BKelly's Cannonball Run stories)_  
_Cesar King (BKelly's Cannonball Run stories)_  
_Sandy Longmore (BKelly's Cannonball Run stories)_  
_Shawn Spencer (Psych)_  
_Burton "Gus" Guster (Psych)_  
_Mike Traceur aka Michael Knight (Knight Rider, 2008)  
KITT 3000 (Knight Rider, 2008)  
Jay Leno  
Ma Beagle (DuckTales)_  
_Bigtime Beagle (DuckTales)_  
_Burger Beagle (DuckTales)_  
_Bouncer Beagle (DuckTales)_  
_Bankjob Beagle (DuckTales)_  
_Babyface Beagle (DuckTales)_  
_Wes Mantooth (Anchorman)_  
_Jerry Springer  
Christian Amanpour  
Tyra Banks  
Maxwell Smart (Get Smart)_  
_Hymie the Robot (Get Smart)_  
_Yucko The Clown (The DAMN!Show)_  
_Chip Foose_  
_ Chris Jacobs_  
_ Greg the Alien (Saturday Night Live)_  
_Randy Dukes (Saturday Night Live)_  
_Shorty Meeks (Scary Movie)_  
_Couzin Ed (Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories)_  
_Lightning McQueen (Cars)_  
_Mater (Cars)_  
_Luigi (Cars)_  
_Guido (Cars)_  
_Ramone (Cars)_  
_Inspector Jacques Clouseau (The Pink Panther)_  
_Cato Fong (A Shot in The Dark)  
Xander Cage (XXX)_  
_MacGruber (Saturday Night Live)_  
_Vicky St. Elmo (Saturday Night Live)_  
_Semir Gurkhan (Alarm Fur Cobra: Die Autobahnpolizei)_  
_Ben Jager (Alarm Fur Cobra: Die Autobahnpolizei)_  
_Dieter Bonrath (Alarm Fur Cobra: Die Autobahnpolizei)_  
_Horst Herzberger (Alarm Fur Cobra: Die Autobahnpolizei)_  
_Dragon (Shrek)_  
_The Dronkeys (Shrek 2)_  
_"Super Dave" Osbourne_  
_ Jarod (The Pretender)_  
_Kane (Command And Conquer)_  
_Rico Rodriguez (Just Cause)_  
_Tom Sheldon (Just Cause)_  
_President Kante (CR5 by Bkelly, character created by Turbo Man)_  
_Mirai Ozora (Moldiver)_  
_Mao Shirase (Moldiver)_  
_Roman Pearce (2 Fast 2 Furious)_  
_Slap Jack (2 Fast 2 Furious)_  
_Orange Julius (2 Fast 2 Furious)_  
_Sean Boswell (The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift)_  
_Twinkie (The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift)_  
_Count Dracula (Van Helsing)_  
_Maeve O'Riordan (original by BKelly)_  
_Chief Peter Doyle (original by BKelly)_  
_Lt. Simms (Night Trap)_  
_Golem (Urban Reign)_  
_Joel Robinson (Mystery Science Theater 3000)_  
_Mike Nelson (Mystery Science Theater 3000)_  
_Tom Servo (Mystery Science Theater 3000)_  
_Crow T. Robot (Mystery Science Theater 3000)_  
_Gypsy (Mystery Science Theater 3000)_  
_Megaweapon (Mystery Science Theater 3000)  
__Couzin Ed (Grand Theft Auto: Vice City)  
__The Maimtron 9000 (Sam and Max Season Two)  
__Eddie Riggs (Brutal Legend)  
__Ophelia (Brutal Legend)  
__Lita Halford (Brutal Legend)  
__The Killmaster (Brutal Legend)  
__Mangus (Brutal Legend)  
__The Baron (Brutal Legend)  
__Rima (Brutal Legend)  
__Head banger Jack (Brutal Legend)  
__The Hell Knight (Doom)  
__The WASP Droids (MASK 2 by Bkelly)  
__The A.B.C. Robot (Judge Dredd)  
__The South League (RoadKill)  
__The Section Eights (RoadKill)  
__Ironheade (Brutal Legend)  
__The Zaulia (Brutal Legend)  
__The Kolodney Brothers (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)  
__The Rug Suckers (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)_

After the Black Knight and the Vulcano had managed to give the police the slip, the two vehicles stopped alongside each other.

"You were pretty hot back there, girls" Max said.

"You weren't so bad yourself." said Lara. "Now, how about a little wager? Last one to the next state pays $200."

"You're on, lady!" said Jake. "Hit it, Max!"

Max put his foot down and the Black Knight took off. Lara's car shot off after it. As they tried to pass each other, Max looked over at Jake and said "Do we have nitrous?"

"We don't need it." Jake replied, smiling. "Just put your foot down as far as it will go."

Max complied and the Black Knight soon passed ahead of the Vulcano.

"Not today, boys!" Lara said as she hit the red button on her dashboard and sent a spray of nitrous oxide into the engine of the green car.

Soon, Lara and the girls were snapping at the Black Knight's heels.

**Hey ho let's go.  
****I'm gonna start a riot.  
****You don't wanna fight it.  
****One two f- you.  
****Don't tell me what to do.  
****I don't wanna be like you.  
****Can't you see it's killing me.  
****I'm my own worst enemy.  
****Knock me down I'll keep on moving.  
****It's the art of losing.  
****Wahhhooo (It's the art of losing)  
****Wahhhooo (It's the art of losing)**

**We're the kids.  
****We're the kids.  
****We're the kids in America.  
****We're the kids.  
****We're the kids.  
****We're the kids in America.**

**-**'The Art of Losing' by American Hi-Fi.

* * *

In the grounds of Jimmy De Marco's mansion, Lester addressed four people, three men and one woman. All of the group had dark hair and wore black suits.

Parked not far away were four vehicles: a red 1969 AMC AMX with black stripes on the sides, a black 1969 Dodge Charger R/T, a grey 1968 Camaro SS and a blue 1969 Corvette Stingray. All of these cars had tinted windows.

"As you are all aware, your mission is to take out the Cannonballers at all costs. Now, this mission may well be very difficult. Previous attempts to stop the race have always ended in failure. But as the four of you are the best in your field, I am confident that you will be victorious." Lester said. "Just to remind you, your code names for the duration of this mission will be the names of the vehicles you are using. Under no circumstances are you to refer to yourselves by your real names during the mission. My code name for this mission will be Mastermind."

The woman, Stingray, spoke up. "I think we should try and find some of these Cannonballers and size them up, sir. See how good they are."

The three men, Camaro, Charger and AMX nodded in agreement.

"If you feel that is what you must do, then do it. The race begins in just a few weeks. So get ready to unleash hell on the Cannonballers." said Lester.

"Oh, we certainly will, sir." Said AMX.

"I know I certainly will." Said Charger in a sinister way. "It's my forte."

"I was meaning to ask, sir." Said Camaro to Lester. "Why do we have to have the cars' windows tinted?"

Charger looked at him disdainfully and said "You WANT the Cannonballers to find out who we are, like they did with the Highway Hunters two years ago? With a record like mine, I prefer to remain faceless."

"Yeah, whatever." Said Camaro.

"Get going!" said Lester and they all headed to their cars. Lester walked over to a supercharged red 1973 Pontiac Firebird. Standing near the car was a giant of a man in a chauffeur's uniform.

"Alright, Luther." Lester said to the man. "It's our duty to spring Mr. DeMarco from prison, so that he can take control of events. Can you handle this operation?"

"Sure I can." Said Luther. "I broke out of Orange County myself. It'll be no problem to spring the boss."

"Alright, let's get started on our plans, then." Smiled Lester. He nodded to the Firebird and said "The Snakehead here will hopefully prove efficient during the operation."

"Yeah, but first, we have to go visit a certain construction company." said Luther.

* * *

Other people were making plans regarding the Cannonball. In a large building in Washington D.C, federal agent Rex Banner addressed the group of law enforcement officials he had assembled.

"Now, you are all aware that the Cannonball Run is due to start soon." He said. "For some reason, our Commander In Chief, the President of these United States, sees fit to grant the racers immunity from prosecution."

"Well what do you expect when you vote for a dipstick like President Harris!" snapped Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane.

"As you know, I have assembled all of you here to set up a Cannonball Squad, which will attempt to slow down and cite as many of the racers as possible." Banner continued.

"Aren't there supposed to be two more here?" asked Californian Sheriff Bender.

(NOTE: The sheriff's last name wasn't given in 'Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back' but we have named him Bender in honour of Judd Nelson who played him).

"Yeah, Bullock and Montoya aren't here." Said Lt. Amos.

"Hey, Amos." Asked Junior Justice. "Didn't you used to be in that Disco Express band? I love 'Booty Time'!"

"Are you sure you're straight, likin' disco crap like that, Junior?" asked Junior's father, Sheriff Buford T. Justice. "I worry about you sometimes."

"You can have that conversation some other time, Mr. Justice." Banner said sternly. "Bullock and Montoya should be back soon."

The sound of an engine was heard and Federal Marshal Willenholly looked out the window.

"Here they are now, chief." He said.

The black Ford GT which had chased the Vulcano and the Black Knight pulled up outside. Out of it climbed Gotham City police lieutenant Harvey Bullock and his partner, Detective Renee Montoya. Both entered the building.

"Well, Agent Banner, we scoped two Cannonballers for you." Said Montoya.

"Yeah, and they are something else!" said Bullock. "They're almost as crazy as the guys up in Arkham!"

"That may be so, but I trust the Jawbreaker handled well." Said Banner.

"Yeah, it did." Said Bullock. "I'm glad those vehicles you borrowed from the Candy Store for our use can keep up with the racers."

"You think we will have a chance of catching the Cannonballers, Agent Banner?" asked Bender

"Of course we do." replied private detective Victoria Crown. "We're dogged and relentless after all. At least I am. I say let me at 'em!"

"I very much appreciate your spirit, Ms. Crown." said Banner. "You put paid to that old cop suspicion of private eyes not caring about the law."

"But there's something not right here. It's okay for us to speed, but not okay for the Cannonballers to speed?" said Willenholly. "How is that fair?".

"The Cannonballers are traffic menaces!" said Banner. "And no matter what the President says, they must be stopped! So, yes, if it's necessary for us to speed to catch them, then that's exactly what we'll do. And that's the end of that argument! I'll have no dissention in the ranks! Like I said in Springfield, we can't just choose which laws to obey. If we did, there'd be absolute chaos. So, do I have your support?"

Everybody nodded.

"Good. Now, I'll assign the rest of the vehicles and we can make plans." Said Banner as he drew his colleagues' attention to a map of the U.S. he had pinned to the wall.

* * *

In a small New Jersey town, two young men approached a comic book store called BRODIE'S SECRET STASH. The first man was tall, thin and wearing a ski-cap. His companion was shorter, plump and wearing a long black trenchcoat and a backwards baseball cap.

"Here we are, fat ass." said the tall man, Jay. "I hope Brodie's ready to go. We gonna kick some pussy ass in the Cannonball!"

Jay's friend, Silent Bob, nodded. Jay opened the door of the comic book store and he and Silent Bob entered. Inside, carefully arranging comics on the shelves was the store's owner/manager (and sometime presenter of the Tonight Show) Brodie Bruce. Brodie smiled when he saw the two.

"Hey guys!" Brodie said.

"Snootchie bootchies, Brodie man!" Jay said as he and Brodie wiggled their fingers together. Silent Bob just waved hello.

"So, have you got the car for the freakin' race?". Jay asked.

"Not being your usual self, I see, Jay." Brodie said.

"Well, the tubby bitch over there bet me $500 I couldn't go for the duration of the goddamn race without saying the other f-word". Jay said, nodding towards Silent Bob.

"Now THAT sounds like a real tough challenge!" Brodie said.

"What and the friggin' Cannonball ain't a challenge?" said Jay.

"Oh, it's a challenge, alright." Brodie said. "But with my secret weapon, we should be successful."

"Does that by any chance involve wearing a mask?" asked Silent Bob in one of his rare moments of speech.

"The hell you talkin' about, fat boy?" Jay asked.

"You really should have done your homework about the Cannonball, Jay." Brodie said. "Then again, I think the last time you did ANY homework was in the third grade, and even then you got it wrong."

"Hey, you done with the goddamn insults already?" Jay said. "What the hell's this secret weapon?"

"I'll go get it." said Brodie as he headed for the back room of the store.

Jay turned to Silent Bob.

"Okay, so what's gonna happen?" he asked.

Suddenly, they both heard Brodie yell "DUN, DUN, DUN!" and he rushed in, wearing the Captain Chaos mask and cape.

"Have no fear! Chaos is here!" Brodie said in a dramatic voice.

"The hell you doin', Brodie?" demanded Jay.

Brodie took the mask off.

"It's this thing that's done every year in the Cannonball. One of the officials picks a guy to be Captain Chaos and that racer is given great skill by the mask. This year, they picked me after I mentioned I had friends who could make a Captain Chaos comic book." he said.

"Man, that shit's screwed up!" Jay said.

"Say what you like, but in the race a few years ago, this kid called Sora wore the mask for the race and got $50 million for his trouble." Brodie said."And last year, that New York cop Washburn was Captain Chaos and HE won $350 million for second."

"No shit?" Jay said.

"No shit." Brodie replied. "So I favour our chances with the Chaos mask in our possession this year."

Jay turned to Silent Bob. "Hey, maybe if we wear our Bluntman and Chronic costumes it might help all of us to win."

Silent Bob rolled his eyes.

"Hey how much IS the prize money this year?" Jay asked.

"$500 million for first place, plus the bragging rights for a full year." Brodie said. "Second place is $450 million and third is $400 million."

"Holy shit!" said Jay. "Then we know we wanna be in the top three! But where's the goddamn wheels?"

"The car's outside. Just let me close up the shop and we can go." said Brodie

Ten minutes later...

Brodie, now wearing the Chaos mask, climbed into the driver's seat of a silver 2000 Chevrolet Impala. The car had been customised with an aftermarket Razzi body kit, 2006 Impala SS rims, a race built transmission, custom Eibach suspension and built custom internals.

Jay and Silent Bob were sitting in back.

"You really couldn't wait until the tune-up at the race to trick this mammajamma out, could you?" asked Jay.

"We need a powerful car." Brodie said. "That's why I also swapped the stock engine for an LS4. That's a 5.3 litre pushrod V8. It has 303 stock horsepower in it."

"Holy shit!" said Jay. "Makes me wish I'd stayed in school long enough to do Auto Shop."

"And I also got a custom turbocharger kit for the LS4 from Car Tuning dot com. She's good for 550 front wheel horsepower now." Brodie said.

AN:Sorry I had to write it that way. For some reason, this editor doesn't support URLs.

Silent Bob looked stunned.

"You're starting to make me drool thinking about all this power at our disposal here." said Jay.

"I know, Good Citizen Jay. That's why I hope your driving skills have improved since your trip to Illinois, as you will be called upon to take the wheel." Brodie said.

"No prob! I read up on it. I know all about shifting now." Jay said. "And I'm NOT carrying any weed, so if we get pulled over for driving with a deployed airbag, there's nothing the cops can nail us for."

Silent Bob looked a little uncertain.

"So, the Falcon gets your approval, then" Brodie said, referring to the car.

"Oh, hell yeah." Jay said.

Silent Bob gave a thumbs-up.

"Then, just allow me to put on a little appropriate music and we will be on our way!" said Brodie as he inserted a CD into the player he had installed into the car.

As the song started to play, Brodie put his foot down on the accelerator and the Falcon took off.

**Too alarming now to talk about.**  
**Take your pictures down and shake it out.**  
**Truth or consequence, say it aloud.**  
**Use that evidence, race it around.**

**There goes my hero.**  
**Watch him as he goes.**  
**There goes my hero.**  
**He's ordinary.**

**Don't the best of them bleed it out.**  
**While the rest of them peter out.**  
**Truth or consequence, say it aloud.**  
**Use that evidence, race it around.**

**There goes my hero.**  
**Watch him as he goes.**  
**There goes my hero.**  
**He's ordinary.**

**Kudos my hero leaving all the best.**  
**You know my hero, the one that's on.**

**There goes my hero.**  
**Watch him as he goes.**  
**There goes my hero.**  
**He's ordinary.**

**There goes my hero.**  
**Watch him as he goes.**  
**There goes my hero.**  
**He's ordinary.**

-"My Hero" by Foo Fighters.

* * *

In a large warehouse in Los Angeles, three men stood in front of a large map of the world that hung on the wall. On it, the Cannonball race route had been marked out.

"According to that info Dr. Badvibes got for me, this is the way the Cannonballers will be traveling." Said the fat man known as the Big Boss.

"I was glad to hear that that stupid duck Daffy was racing this year. I can get revenge on him." Said the second man, the chairman of the infamous Acme corporation, known simply as Mr. Chairman.

"Who really cares?" Said the psychic former Soviet commando Yuri. "Hopefully we can capture some Cannonballers and I can recruit them in my army."

"Don't forget our main objective is the prize money, see?" said Big Boss. "DeMarco said he wanted some compensation for his incarceration."

"I'm surprised that you agreed to help us, considering your policy towards drugs, Big Boss." Said Mr. Chairman.

"I'm only doing it for the Cannonball prize money." Big Boss replied. "As far as DeMarco himself goes, I want no part of his blasted empire."

"If Lester and that big lunk Luther can pull their planned breakout off, DeMarco will be joining us in the field." said Mr. Chairman. "You can explain your principles to him then."

"What makes you two think DeMarco won't double cross us? He's a criminal after all." Said Yuri.

They heard a horn honk outside.

"Ah." Said Yuri. "Squeaky's here with the Foyts."

"About time your little toady showed up, Big Boss." said Mr. Chairman.

Big Boss went to a desk and pressed a button on it. A large door opened and the car drove into the warehouse. As the door closed behind it, Alice Foyt got a look at the three people waiting for them.

"That's the only drawback to stopping the Cannonball, Janice. We have to make a deal with the devil." She said.

"Yeah, tell me about it." Said Janice. "They always intend to stab each other in the back when it comes to the crunch."

"Hey! My employer is planning to handsomely reward the two of you, so show some respect." said Squeaky.

"Would you mind not listening in to a private conversation?" said Alice.

Squeaky stopped the car and both he and his passengers got out.

"Alice and Janice Foyt here to see you, gentlemen." Squeaky announced.

"Good to see you, ladies." said Big Boss. "I take it no introductions are necessary."

"Of course not." said Alice. "Who doesn't know about the Big Boss of Empire City? Or the chairman of Acme? And I remember Yuri from two years ago."

"Nice to know you are well-informed." said Mr. Chairman. "Now, as you are aware, on behalf of Jimmy DeMarco, as old business partners of yours and ours, we arranged your release from prison."

"DeMarco wants what you want: to end the Cannonball Run." Yuri said.

"So why couldn't DeMarco just buy his way out of jail?" Janice asked.

"His butler, Lester Farquar, has put together an operation to spring him from prison, but it may take a while. Until then, we're in charge of things. Lester sent some goons out into the field to deal with the racers. We're going to put a plan of our own into action as well." said Big Boss.

"I take it that once again we will have to go on the race route to try and stop the racers." Alice said.

"Yes, but you'll have help." Mr. Chairman motioned towards a group of men who were standing in the shadows they walked forward.

Big Boss pointed to two of them: a pale-faced man in a dark red suit and fedora and a man with a pink shirt with shoulder pads and white pants with suspenders. He was also wearing sunglasses and had a massive moustache and a small beard on his chin.

"These are two of my best men: Buttons McBoomBoom and Turbo Tu-Tone."

"Isn't he the guy who keeps going on about a girl called Jenny's phone number?" asked Janice.

"That's Tommy Tutone!" Turbo, the guy with the sunglasses, snapped. "I'm the Big Boss' best wheelman."

"You damn well better be, because the Cannonballers are something else." Said Alice.

The third man was a black man in a sharp suit with two diamond-stud earrings.

"This is Lidell Rey. He used to be a big man here in L.A. until one of the confirmed entrants of this year's Cannonball ruined him." said Mr. Chairman.

"Yeah, and I aim to get me some revenge. That lame-ass bastard Lane will pay." said Lidell.

Yuri pointed to the last man. "I think you recognize him as well." he said.

"Yes. Francois Toulour, aka The Night Fox." said Janice.

"I see my reputation precedes me." said Francois.

"Well, when you're one of the best cat burglars in the world, of course it does." said Alice. "I thought you already had a cat burglar working for you, Big Boss. Nightshade, wasn't it?"

Big Boss growled.

"Nightshade betrayed him." Squeaky said. "On one of our heists she sold him out to the C.O.P.S. In fact, she's now dating one of them and acting as a spy for them."

"Oh, sorry." said Alice. "So, will Francois be trying to steal the prize money while we keep the racers occupied?"

"Oui, but of course." Said Francois.

"Here's hoping the C.O.P.S. don't get involved during the race." Grumbled Buttons, the pale guy in the red suit. "We'll have enough trouble stopping the racers."

"McBoomBoom, cut the negative attitude, see?" said Big Boss. "Failure is NOT an option this time!"

"Well, I can assure you, Big Boss, we will perform to the best of our abilities." Janice said.

"That goes double for me." said Alice.

"Excellent." Said Mr. Chairman. "Well, shall we make our plans?"

"I thought you'd never ask." said Yuri as the villains began to make preparations.

None of them noticed that through a skylight they were being watched by a red-headed woman in a brown and yellow bodysuit wearing gold, triangular earrings. This was Rafaella Diamond, better known as Nightshade.

"I'm afraid I'll have to dash your hopes of the C.O.P.S. not getting involved, Buttons." she said to herself.

As she climbed down off the roof, the villains began to make their plans.

AN: And so we begin. Please R & R.


	2. This Is Gonna Be Fun

CANNONBALL RUN 7: HIGH SPEED HEROES

by BKelly and The Turbo Man

CHAPTER TWO: "This is gonna be fun!"

AN: Again we own nothing. We hope you enjoy our introduction to the rest of the racers! Here we go.

* * *

In the courtyard outside Willy Wonka's famous chocolate factory, the genius chocolatier stood next to a purple Renault Avantime, awaiting his racing partners. The doors of the factory opened, and out came the young Charlie Bucket, Willy's partner and heir to the vast Wonka chocolate empire and his grandfather, Grandpa Joe.

"I know I told Willy I needed some fun after working on that new line of candy for so long." Charlie was saying, "but I wasn't expecting this. I mean I only got my learner's permit but I don't want to lose it."

"Don't tell me you're not looking forward to this, Charlie." Grandpa Joe replied. "I've never really been in a race, but I think this will be the best fun we've had since we were first let into the factory."

"Hey guys!" Willy said as he waved to them. "I'm glad you finally decided to join me."

"Are you sure those Driver's Ed clases you took have prepared you for this, Willy?" Charlie asked.

"Yes, absolutely. But I won't be the only driver. I will be sharing the driving chores with one other person. He's in the car right now." Willy said.

Charlie looked into the car and saw one of Willy's employees, an Oompa Loompa, seated behind the wheel. He was taller than most of the other Oompa Loompas but was still no taller than four feet.

"That's Bill." said Willy. "Actually, that's not his real name. But his real name is absolutely unpronounceable. So I call him Bill."

"Hi Bill." Charlie said. Bill nodded hello.

"So, the site of the pre-race party and the start of the race is at the Four Dragons casino in Las Venturas, San Andreas. We'd better get going." Willy said.

"The car's rather unusual, Mr. Wonka." Said Grandpa Joe.

"Yeah, but it's fast. I call her the Averse." Willy said as he and the others climbed into the car.

"Well, here we go." said Charlie as Bill started up the engine and the Averse roared out of the factory courtyard.

"One thing." Said Grandpa Joe. "Does Bill have a license?"

"Hey, as long as his feet reach the pedals and he can see through the windscreen, I don't really care." said Willy, laughing.

* * *

"So, the boss wants to see us?" James asked as he, Jessie, and Meowth walked along the corridors of Team Rocket headquarters.

"It must be about the Cannonball." Meowth said. "Though why we keep entering on his behest after he got us disqualified two years ago, I don't know."

"Yeah, and even with him on the team last year we didn't win!" Jessie remarked. "And to think he calls US idiots! It was HIS idea to team up with the twerp and his lousy Pikachu!"

"Better be careful he doesn't overhear you." Said Cassidy, who was standing outside the door to Giovanni's office, along with her partner Butch.

"Oh, shut up, Cassidy. You and Biff wouldn't have the guts to go all around the world on a race!" Jessie said.

Butch went red in the face. "It's BUTCH, not Biff! Why can't anyone get my name right? Do I have to wear a nametag or something?"

"We're all lucky not to be nametag people after all the times we've failed to win that damn race!" grumbled James.

"Well we've been entering all this time. We're bound to win it eventually." Jessie said.

"Yeah, and maybe Piloswines can fly!" Meowth sarcastically said.

The door to the office was opened and Giovanni, the leader of Team Rocket stuck his head out.

"So you're finally here." He said to Jessie, James and Meowth. "Don't just stand there, come in!"

The three Rockets entered. Sitting in the centre of the room was a blue and white 1959 Cadillac El Dorado Seville.

"This is our vehicle for this year." Giovanni said.

"OUR vehicle?" Jessie asked. "You mean you're coming with us again, sir?"

"Yes. You know of my driving skills, don't you?" he said.

"Yes, we all know too well about your driving skills." James sneered.

Giovanni would have yelled at his subordinate, but remembered that he had a point. "Look, how many times do I have to tell you that I'm sorry about the race two years ago? Besides, at least we weren't blackballed like Wario and his team were." Giovanni said.

"Lucky us." Meowth grumbled. "But we didn't win last year either."

"Well as you can see, we're not making the mistake of teaming up with Ketchum this year. Anyway, I call this vehicle the Peligro." Giovanni said.

"Isn't that Spanish for 'danger'?" James asked.

"Yes. I named the car that because anyone who tries to pass us will find themselves in great danger." Giovanni beamed.

"Is it armed, sir?" Jessie said.

"Not yet. The cars will be equipped with weapons at the starting line. Let's get going."

The Rockets and their boss got into the car. Giovanni took out a remote control and pressed a button on it. A garage door opened and the car drove out.

After the door closed after them, Butch and Cassidy looked into the room.

"Okay, they're gone." Butch said.

"Good. That means Domino's in charge now. Call her, Annie and Oakley." Cassidy said.

Butch spoke into a walkie-talkie. "They've left, Black Tulip. We're good to go."

In another part of the base, Domino, Annie and Oakley smiled as they heard Butch's transmission.

"Great!" Domino said. "Okay, let's get the party started!"

Annie and Oakley started taking out disco equipment. "Will we be watching the race at any point during the party?" Annie asked.

"Yeah, just to see if the boss and the three stooges actually pull it off this year?" said Oakley.

"Yeah, I think we will. Make sure to order those nachos for that." said Domino.

* * *

Newport Beach, California...

AN:Dialogue in italics belongs to the narrator.

_"In the Bluth home, Michael was preparing to enter the Cannonball Run for the second time as he had had so much fun in it the previous year. At this moment, he was making his plan of action with his brother in law, Tobias."_

"Okay, this seems like an ideal place for restocking supplies." said Michael as he looked over the map.

"Very good." said Tobias. "Can't race on an empty stomach."

_"That's when Buster decided to see what they were up to."_

Buster walked up behind Michael, said "Hey, brother", and started giving him a shoulder rub.

Michael pulled Buster's prosthetic left hand off his shoulder and said "Buster, that's a little uncomfortable."

_"Since his hand was bitten off by a loose seal, Buster's shoulder rubs had become somewhat torturous. However, they were much worse when he only had a hook."_

(Flashback)

After getting his hook, Buster walked up behind his Uncle Oscar, said "Hey, Uncle", and started giving him a shoulder rub. He repeatedly jabbed Oscar's shoulder with the hook in the process.

"OW!" yelled Oscar. "NO! STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! YOU'VE GOT MY TENDON CAUGHT ON YOUR CLAW!"

"My claw?" said Buster as he let go of Uncle Oscar's shoulders and stared at his blood-covered hook in sheer horror as "Psycho"-type music played. "I'M A MONSTER!" he screamed.

(End Flashback)

After a few nervous moments, Buster said "Sorry."

"Don't worry about it." said Michael.

"So, whatcha doing?" asked Buster.

"Oh, we're just planning on doing a little road race." said Michael.

"We are going to be in the Cannonball!" said Tobias proudly.

"The Cannonball?" asked Buster. "Is there going to be any speeding?"

"Pretty much." said Michael.

_"That came as bad news to Buster."_

(Flashback)

_"When George Sr. was teaching him to drive, Buster had a problem keeping it within legal speeds."_

"Buster! Buster!" yelled George Sr. "Slow down! Slow down!" The then 16-year-old Buster was literally driving like a maniac.

_"So, George Sr. decided to teach his son a little lesson about speeding. Unfortunately for Buster, George Sr's lessons would involve a former worker of his named J. Walter Weatherman who had lost his arm in a construction accident. They would also involve a staged 'mishap'."_

George drove down the street very quickly. "So, this is the speed you like, son?" he asked.

"Yeah, this is great!" said Buster from the passenger seat.

"Nice to see how much fun this can...OH MY GOD!" he said as Weatherman walked in front of the car. George Sr. hit the brakes, but he still hit him. Weatherman tumbled over the hood and his fake arm came off in a shower of fake blood. Buster started to freak out.

"Oh my God!" yelled George Sr. "If I had been minding the speed limit, this poor guy would still have his arm!"

Weatherman got back up and marched over to the window of the car. He looked Buster right in the eyes and said "And THAT is why you don't speed."

(End Flashback)

_"Buster was now concerned for his brother and brother-in-law. At first, he tried to prevent them from taking part in the race."_

Buster climbed into the family's usual transportation, a truck with a staircase on the back (it was previously used for boarding the family jet before their financial crisis), put it in neutral, and pushed it down the embankment. It came to a rest on its side. Just then, Buster's brother George Oscar "Gob" Bluth came riding up on his Segway scooter.

_"Buster's brother Gob was first on the scene. He was also the first Buster explained his intentions to. He was also the first to tell Buster that Michael and Tobias were using a different vehicle than the stairs truck."_

"You've made a huge mistake, buddy." laughed Gob.

_"Finally, Buster decided the best thing he could do was go with Michael and Tobias to keep them out of trouble."_

Buster walked over to the driveway.

_"That's when Buster laid eyes on the most beautiful car he'd ever seen."_

Right in front of him was a dilapidated blue '87 Chevrolet Caprice.

_"No, not that one."_

A roofer who'd been working on the model home next door climbed into the Caprice and started it.

_"Wait for it."_

The roofer drove away to reveal a silver Chrysler 300C and Michael and Tobias preparing to leave.

_"There."_

"Hey, what's up, Buster?" asked Michael.

"Do you need a third team member?" asked Buster.

"Why not?" asked Michael. "You'll have to do your share of the driving, though."

"Oh, no problem." said Buster.

_"It was a problem. Because of George Sr's lesson on speeding, Buster had never taken his driver's test and didn't have a valid license. He still carried his long-expired learner's permit. Also, there were a few psychologists who theorized that this was the source of Buster's frequent panic attacks."_

"Great, we're saving a seat for you." said Tobias. "Like the car? We call it the Ambitious."

"Yeah, I like it." said Buster. "This is gonna be fun."

_"It sure is."_

* * *

At Orange County Prison, the FBI wheelman known as Tanner met with DeMarco.

"How are you holding up?" asked Tanner.

"How do you think I'm holding up?" asked DeMarco. "I'm incarcerated, my assets have been frozen, my empire is in ruins! I'm fine, by the way."

"Well, that's what you get for poisoning the minds of America." said Tanner.

"No thanks to you, traitorous bastard." said DeMarco. "Why, I oughta..." he added as he grabbed Tanner's wrist.

"No touching!" yelled a guard.

"No touching." said DeMarco as he released Tanner and put up his hands.

"Anyways, the reason I'm stopping by is because Tobias Jones and I have entered the Cannonball." said Tanner. "The same race you tried to stop two years ago."

"Why would you do that?" asked DeMarco.

"Remember what you said about me not entering the race?" asked Tanner. "You said I was a good driver, but victory was not one hundred percent certain. Well, I'm out to prove you wrong. Tobias and I are going to run the race and show you I'm the best. We're not even keeping the prize money. We're just doing this to prove our skill."

"You're getting in over your head." said DeMarco.

"Maybe, but that's where I'm at my best." said Tanner. "Now, if you don't mind, I've got a race to win."

He got up and left. He walked outside to the parking lot where his partner Tobias Jones was leaning against a tan '67 Mercury Cougar.

"DeMarco still blaming you for his mistakes?" asked Tobias.

"Yeah and he's being a real jerk about it, too." said Tanner. "Ready to go?"

"Born ready." said Tobias. He climbed into the Cougar's passenger side door and took a seat.

Tanner got into the driver's seat and started the car. He backed out of his space, then did a burnout which took him out of the prison.

Tanner drove through town quickly. He stopped at an intersection a few blocks away. A few seconds later, an orange Plymouth Superbird with an airscoop, side exhausts, and mag wheels pulled alongside. The window rolled down revealing an Asian man behind the wheel and a black man in the passenger seat.

"Follow us." said the black man.

The Superbird pulled out of the intersection first and Tanner followed him. They then drove to a parking lot and got out.

"I know who these guys are." said Tobias. "That's Nick Kang, an officer of the EOD division of the LAPD. The other is Marcus Reed from the NYPD's Street Crime Unit."

"Why are they working together?" asked Tanner.

"Your guess is as good as mine." said Tobias. "As far as I know, they have no connections."

"So, you're this Tanner I've heard about." said Nick. "The various crime groups in LA have been talking about you."

"Same goes for New York." said Marcus. "They say the only person to hold a candle to you was this guy known only as 'The Kid'."

"What do you want with us?" asked Tanner.

"We know you were just at the prison." said Nick. "We also know this is the prison where your former boss, Jimmy DeMarco, currently resides."

"What we want to know is this." said Marcus. "We know you two have entered the Cannonball. Want we don't know is why DeMarco wants you in the race."

"Whoa, wait a minute." said Tobias. "Why do you think we're working for DeMarco?"

"We know about your involvement with him two years ago." said Nick. "He had you try to steal the prize money for the Cannonball Run. What's the plan this time? Take out the racers from inside? Steal the prize money while everyone else is racing? Pull a Wario?"

"No, we're just entering to show that we have the skills to pull it off." said Tanner. "Nothing more. DeMarco is not involved with us. I just went there to boast."

"Sounds plausable, but suspicious." said Marcus. "In any case, we're entering the race ourselves to keep an eye on you. If we find you're not doing what you say you're doing, we're gonna be on you like a pack of rats on a murder vic."

"Fine by me." said Tobias. "This the car you're running?"

"Nice, isn't it?" asked Nick. "We call it the Supernova XS."

"We did our homework and found out about those youth counselors from St. Louie." said Marcus.

"Well, this is our car, the Sorcerer." said Tanner.

"We called it that because Tanner is magic behind the wheel." said Tobias.

"I see." said Nick. "We'll see you in Venturas."

"Drive safe." said Tanner.

Nick and Marcus got back into the Supernova XS and drove off.

"You just had to see DeMarco." said Tobias.

"I'm sorry I did now." grumbled Tanner. "And those guys think I need to pull a Wario! That pisses me off! I say we show these guys a thing or two on the road! Let's go!"

Tanner and Tobias got back into the Sorcerer and drove out of the parking lot. A few minutes later, they ad caught up with the Supernova XS and pulled alongside. Tanner signaled for Nick to roll his window down.

Nick did so and then asked "Yeah, what is it?"

"You think I need to follow Wario's example, huh?" Tanner said. "How about a little race. Then you'll see how good I am! Loser pays fifty bucks!"

Nick looked over to Marcus who said "Yeah, take the bet. We'll smoke that guy!"

Nick looked back to Tanner and said "You're on, Tanner!"

"Right, follow me." Tanner said as he drove the Sorcerer towards a set of traffic lights in front of a long straightaway.

The Supernova XS pulled up alongside the Sorcerer and both Tanner and Nick revved their engines.

"First one to the next intersection wins." Tobias said.

"Got it." replied Nick.

As the light turned green, Tanner accelerated and took an early lead. Nick put his foot down in an attempt to catch up and he made up some ground, but Tanner stayed in the lead. The Supernova XS came up on the Sorcerer's back bumper, but Tanner kept his foot down and eventually flew across the intersection first.

"Goddamn it!" yelled Marcus as both cars came to a halt. "This guy is good."

"Hold on. I've got an idea." said Nick as Tanner and Tobias got out of the Sorcerer and approached them.

"50 bucks, suckers!" said Tobias.

Nick took a $50 bill out of his wallet and handed it to Tanner.

"So, next time you'll think twice before you doubt my skills, huh?" Tanner said.

"You got lucky." grumbled Marcus.

"Spoken like a true sore loser." said Tobias. "You should be grateful we weren't racing for pink slips. Then you'd have to walk home!"

"And you're thinking of running this slow-ass piece of crap in the Cannonball?" said Tanner. "Why don't you save yourself the embarrassment?"

"You've got a pretty big mouth, Mr. Tanner." said Nick. "But how big's your wallet? I wanna run again, to the next intersection, but for higher stakes."

"You want to get smoked again? That's no problem with me." said Tanner. He opened his wallet and took out a thick wad of cash. "I've got $500 here, which is yours IF you beat me, which is highly unlikely with that not-so-Superbird you've got there."

"Yo, Tanner. Are you sure about this?" Tobias said uncertainly.

"It's no problem." said Tanner. "We can clean these guys' clocks no problem."

"Before we start, we just need to do something." said Nick. "Marcus, can you check under the hood please?"

"No problem." said Marcus as he got out of the Supernova XS. He opened the hood and looked inside. He reached in and made a little adjustment.

"Okay, try it now." said Marcus as he stepped away from the car.

Nick revved the Supernova XS' engine. It sounded a lot more powerful now.

"Thanks, Marcus. I thought it wasn't firing on all cylinders." said Nick.

Marcus closed the hood and got back inside the Supernova XS.

"Don't think that's gonna help you any." Tanner sneered. "I'll show you guys once and for all who the real road master is!"

Tanner and Tobias got back into the Sorcerer and started it up. The Supernova XS pulled in alongside it and both cars revved their engines once again. When the light turned green, the Sorcerer took off into the lead again, but this time, the Supernova XS managed to get alongside it.

Tanner put his foot down as far as it would go, and so did Nick. The Supernova XS managed to pass the Sorcerer and crossed the intersection first.

"Shit!" yelled Tanner.

"I hate to say it, but I told you so!" said Tobias.

"Well, they're not getting any money from me!" said Tanner as he sped on and passed the Supernova XS which had slowed down.

"Son of a bitch!" said Marcus. "We've got a runner!"

"That's 500 bucks I'm not losing!" said Nick as he sped off after the Sorcerer.

As Tanner turned a corner, a motorcycle cop saw how fast he was going and took off after him. As the Supernova XS turned the corner, they saw this and came to a halt.

"Shit!" said Nick.

"Don't worry, bro. We'll see him again at the Four Dragons. And when we do, he'll be up El Creeko de Merde!" said Marcus.

* * *

In Neptune, California, vampire slayer Buffy Summers pulled into a beachside parking lot in a white Volkswagen GTI. She climbed out and started looking around.

She heard a low rumble and saw a red Chevrolet El Camino pull into the parking lot. It stopped a few spaces down from her and a woman with black wavy hair climbed out.

"You must be Buffy Summers." said the woman. "It's nice to be working with a veteran of this race."

"I take it you got the same invitation I did." said Buffy. "What's the name on yours?"

"Jordan Cavanaugh, Boston Medical Examiner's office." said the woman. "Have any idea who called us here?"

"Not a clue." said Buffy.

"I do." said another girl with shoulder-length blonde hair. Buffy and Jordan turned to her. "Of course, that's because I'm the one who sent them. Veronica Mars, Mars Investigations."

"So, why are you entering the Cannonball?" asked Buffy.

"And why do you need us?" asked Jordan.

"Buffy is a Cannonball veteran and you yourself are quite ambitious." said Veronica. "Both will be strong advantages for our team. I was hired to enter the race and track down one of the entrants."

"Who?" asked Buffy.

"That's confidential." said Veronica. "I'll let you in on it if it's necessary and only then. So, Buffy, you have the car?"

"Right here." said Buffy as she pointed to the GTI. "Taking into consideration what Volkswagen based this car on in the U.S, I've decided to call it the Usagi. It was originally going to be 'Jackrabbit' but I remembered that there was a vehicle called that in last year's Cannonball."

"Usagi, eh? Nice." said Veronica.

"So, shall we get going?" asked Jordan.

"Sure." said Veronica. "Buffy, I think you should let Jordan drive so she gets used to the controls."

"Got it." said Buffy. "Maybe we'll let you take the wheel on the way."

* * *

In a suburb of SimCity, Bob Newbie walked up to the front door of his neighbor, Mortimer Goth, and rang the doorbell.

Mortimer was at the door almost instantly. "Bob, please come in." he said.

Bob entered to find Mortimer and his wife, Bella. "So, what's going on?" asked Bob.

"Have you heard of the Cannonball Run?" asked Mortimer.

"Who hasn't?" asked Bob.

"Well, I've been asked to take part and I could use some assistance." said Mortimer. "Bella was nice enough to join me, but Cassandra's up to her own thing as you know."

"And you'd like me to join you?" asked Bob.

"No, I'd like you to find someone who will." said Mortimer. "Of course I'd like you to join me. How long have we been neighbors?"

"We've got a vehicle out back." said Bella. "Would you like to take a look?"

"Sure." said Bob.

"Fine then." said Mortimer. "Come along."

Mortimer led his wife and neighbor outside where a dark blue Honda Odyssey with a light blue hood and light blue stripes on the sides was parked.

"A minivan?" asked Bob. "Our race car is a minivan?"

"It was required for the project." said Mortimer.

"What project?" asked Bob.

"We are taking part in the Cannonball as part of one of Mortimer's experiments." said Bella. "He is trying to monitor the effects the Cannonball would have on the human body."

"Which reminds me." said Mortimer. "We're going to have to fit you with this harness." He took a harness and wrapped it around Bob's waist. "This will monitor your energy, your hunger, your fun, your social condition, your comfort, your reaction to your environment, your hygine, and your bladder." He checked the readout and said "Speaking of which, you might want to use the toilet before we leave."

"What else do we have in this van?" asked Bob.

"In this van, which we call the Wisdom," explained Bella, "we have a computer to plot a route, a microwave to prepare meals, and we also have a chemistry set for certain things."

"I see." said Bob. "So, are we going?"

"Of course." said Mortimer. "Hop in."

Bob took the wheel of the Wisdom while the Goths took the passenger seats. Bob started the van and drove down the block. He stopped in front of his house, jumped out, and ran for the door.

"I told you to go before we left!" yelled Mortimer.

* * *

In Springfield, Homer Simpson was in his garage, putting the finishing touches to a red 1970 Dodge Challenger. As he finished tightening the screws on the hubcaps, his wife Marge walked in.

"Homie, I think you've got that car tuned fine enough already." she said.

"Just making sure she's in good condition, Marge." Homer said. "Snake said he wanted it back as good as new when we were finished with it."

Homer stood up and wiped his hands on a rag, and then opened the garage door.

"There. I think she's ready now. Get the kids and we'll see how she runs." he said.

A few minutes later, two of the Simpson children, Lisa and Maggie were in the car with their parents. Maggie was strapped into a babyseat in the back seat.

"Where's Bart?" asked Homer.

"He had detention." said Lisa. "Let's go pick him up at the school."

At Springfield Elementary, Bart was in his classroom writing "I CAN AND WILL DRIVE 55" repeatedly on the blackboard. The bell rang and Bart ran for the door. He burst through the doors on his skateboard and stopped when he saw the car.

"Hop in, boy." said Homer.

"These are some cool wheels, Dad, but can she perform?" Bart asked as he climbed in.

"There are some who'd say that these older American cars handle better than rice rockets do, Bart." Lisa said.

"Well, here goes." Homer said as he started the engine. The engine made a loud, rumbling sound. Homer pressed down on the gas pedal and the car began to shake with the amount of power its Hemi engine had.

"Whoa!" said Bart. "Quick Keanu Reeves impression for you there." he then joked.

"Hold tight." Said Homer as he released the handbrake.

The Challenger roared away from the curb and Homer performed a fast turn to the right and sped into downtown.

As they left the neighbourhood, they were passed by police chief Wiggum in his squad car, who was heading in the opposite direction.

"Well, Homer. You may be preparing for the Cannonball, and I wish for your victory, but the law is the law." he said as he performed a bootlegger and chased off after the red muscle car.

"Since when did you care so much about the law?" said Lou, who was sitting next to Wiggum.

"Watch it, Lou, or I'll bust your ass to sergeant!" Wiggum warned as he turned on his siren.

"I am a sergeant already." Lou mumbled.

Seeing the cop car in his rearview mirror, Homer put his foot down on the accelerator and performed a quick turn towards City Hall.

"Now, I'll make us disappear." Said Homer.

He pulled in behind City Hall and killed the engine. Chief Wiggum passed by on a street running parallel to City Hall.

"I knew those things were fast, but I didn't know they were that fast!" Wiggum said as he kept his eyes on the road in front of him.

"Shouldn't you look left and right, chief?" asked Lou.

"You only do that when you cross the street, stupid!" Wiggum replied.

As the black and white passed Homer, he reversed out and drove back the way he came from.

"Now, we just lock up the garage and we're on our way." He said.

He looked over and saw that Marge had turned pale.

"This car's so fast it scares me." She said.

"Oh, come on, Marge!" Homer said. "With these wheels we should win."

"Yeah, and here's hoping you don't blow the money on something stupid this time!" Bart grumbled.

"Nobody's perfect." Homer replied, gritting his teeth.

A few minutes later...

Homer got back in the car after locking up his garage.

"What's this car actually called, Dad?" Lisa asked.

"Snake called it the Kowalski." Replied Homer. "So that's what the vehicle will be referred to as from now on."

"Cool." Said Bart. "So, on to Las Venturas?"

"Of course. And I won't spare the horsepower." said Homer as he put his foot down. A few seconds after that, he pressed a button on the dashboard marked "Go Baby Go" and a shot of nitrous oxide was sent into the engine. The Kowalski shot off down the road, causing some nearby parking meters to explode because of its speed.

"Wow! Free money!" yelled Nelson Muntz as he started to scoop up the change that the meters had lost.

* * *

In Miami sat a parking garage. In the parking garage sat a grey 2007 Audi R8. In the Audi sat professional wheelman Frank Martin.

Frank's watch beeped. He checked it, then pushed a button on the panel on the dashboard. It rose up and revealed a numbered keypad. Frank keyed in a code and unlocked the car's functions. He then drove.

Ten minutes later, he parked in front of the airport. He looked to the entrance, then checked his watch. After his watch reached a certain time, a man walked out of the airport with a duffel bag and got into the car.

"Are you Frank Martin?" he asked. "Darius Stone. Agent Gibbons told me where to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too, Mr. Stone." said Frank. "Now, remember the first rule of entering a man's car."

"What's that?" asked Darius.

"Respect the man's car, the man will respect you." said Frank.

"Oh, right, right." said Darius. He took the duffel bag and placed it behind the seats. He then fastened his seat belt.

"Very good." said Frank. "You've already realized rule three."

"Damn, you take this driving thing very seriously, don't you?" said Darius.

Behind them, a police car was parked. "Ten-four, we've identified the subject." said the officer into his radio. "It's Darius Stone, who escaped from prison two years ago. May have been involved in an attempt on President Sanford's life. Suspect is a passenger in an Audi R8."

Frank drove out of the airport with the police car following him.

"So, what do you think of the Bisonte?" asked Frank.

"It looks nice." said Darius. "I know someone who'd love to get her hands on this."

Suddenly, a pair of Miami police cars formed a roadblock in front of the car.

"Oh man. What do they want?" said Darius.

Frank threw the Bisonte into reverse and raced back down the street. He did a bootlegger and continued on at a high rate of speed.

"Okay, here's the deal." said Darius. "I was sent to prison for..."

"I know, Gibbons told me everything." said Frank as he swerved around another car.

Frank came to a four-way intersection. However, it was more of a three-way intersection because one of the streets was closed for repair.

"Looks like there's only two ways we can go." said Darius.

Frank looked to the closed off street and said "As my friend Tarconi is fond of saying, maybe not."

Frank turned down the closed off street and steered around the barricades. Two of the police cars followed.

"Brace yourself." said Frank as they approached a large dirt pile. Next to the pile was a crane which was holding a long pipe. Frank steered towards the dirt pile and jumped the car into the cable holding the pipe. The pipe plunged to the ground and the first police car crashed into it. The second car swerved around him and started to catch up with the Audi.

"This guy isn't bad." said Frank. He looked ahead to see a large hole in the road.

"Oh shit, out of the frying pan, into the fire." said Darius.

"Hold on." said Frank.

Frank managed to let the police car catch up with him, then slammed on his brakes. The police car jumped the hole and tore its front axle off when it crashed into the opposite side.

The car came to a rest next to an angry construction worker who yelled "Hey, didn't you know there's a hole back there?"

Frank then found the street and continued on to Las Venturas.

"So, what was that you were saying about a friend of yours wanting to get their hands on the Bisonte?" he asked Darius.

"Forget I said it. With those kind of moves in the race, no improvements should be necessary." Said Darius. "One thing though. Could you keep pace with a bullet train in this thing?"

* * *

In San Diego, Eric Forman navigated the city in his old Oldsmobile Vista Cruiser. With him were his three friends, Michael Kelso, Steven Hyde, and the foreign exchange student known simply as "Fez".

"Where is this place?" asked Eric.

"Okay, make the next right." said Kelso.

"Kelso, this is the same street we went down ten minutes ago." said Eric.

"Well, I know that if you can't find some place in San Diego, just go this way." said Kelso.

"Who told you that?" asked Fez.

"Leo told me." said Kelso. "I think we should be there any second now."

"Kelso, can I tell you something?" asked Hyde.

"Yeah?" asked Kelso as he leaned closer to Hyde.

Hyde punched him in the arm. "Give me the map!" he yelled.

Kelso handed the map to Hyde and rubbed his arm.

"Okay, Forman." said Hyde. "You want to take the next left, go two blocks, then we're there."

"Damn, Hyde!" said Kelso. "Did you have to hit me?"

"No." said Hyde.

"We're here." announced Eric. He pulled into a car dealership.

Inside the dealership's restroom, salesman Roger Park was fixing his hair. As he was checking the end results, there was a knock at the door.

"Roger!" yelled the knocker, Roger's best friend Corey Howard. "Are you done yet?"

"Almost." said Roger. "Hair cannot be rushed."

Roger walked out of the restroom. "Those guys from Wisconsin here?"

"Yeah, they just got here." said Corey. "Knock 'em dead."

"So, how do you know these guys?" asked Roger.

"Hey, Corey!" yelled Eric as he extended a hand to Corey.

"How you doing, cuz?" asked Corey.

"Oh, fine." said Eric.

Roger walked over to greet Eric and his friends. "Eric Forman? I'm Roger Park."

"Nice to meet you." said Eric. "So, where is this car we asked for?"

"Right over here." said Roger. He led them to a purple '71 Dodge Charger Super Bee 426 Hemi.

"Sweet!" yelled Kelso.

"Wow, this is nice." said Fez. "This is even nicer than the car my country's president drives." He opened the door and looked inside. "Hey, where's the 8-track, you son of a bitch?"

"This car have a name?" asked Kelso.

"The mechanics call it the Reckless." said Roger.

"Thank you very much." said Eric. "Well, we'll just find Hyde and get going then."

Outside, Hyde walked up to June Tuesday, a girl with spiked hair. "Hey, how you doing?" he asked.

"Good, I guess." said Tuesday. "You're not from around here, are you?"

"No, I'm from Wisconsin." said Hyde. "I'm just here with some friends picking up a car."

"This is San Diego." said Tuesday. "Why'd you come all the way from Wisconsin for a car?"

"This is a special car." said Hyde. "We're using it in the Cannonball."

"No frickin' way." said Tuesday. "You're entering the Cannonball?"

"We are." said Hyde.

"Hyde!" yelled Eric as he pulled out in the Reckless.

"That's me." said Hyde. "See ya."

Hyde ran over and jumped into the car. Corey walked over to Tuesday with his sister Katie.

"Hey, Tuesday." said Katie. "Who was that?"

"He was one of those guys from Wisconsin who came for the car." said Tuesday. "Get this, he said they're in the Cannonball."

"No way." said Corey. "That's cool. I wonder if Roger knows."

Roger came running out of the dealership a second later. "Come on, you guys!" he yelled. "Let's go!"

Roger ran out back. Corey, Katie, and Tuesday followed him. They came to a white 1982 Audi Quattro.

"What's up?" asked Corey.

"You know those guys who bought that old Charger?" asked Roger. "They are using it to be in the Cannonball."

"That's what that frizzy haired guy said." said Tuesday.

"So, what about it?" asked Katie.

"I was listening to them talk about it and I decided that we should probably enter as well." said Roger. "Then, I remembered the boss promised me the Bonfire here and I've got some vacation time coming."

"Are you saying we should just pick up and enter the Cannonball JUST LIKE THAT?" asked Corey.

"Yeah." said Roger in that sing-song type of voice. "The car's ready for it."

Corey pondered his own question for a few seconds. "Okay, I'm sold." he said. "Besides, we all gotta die sometime."

"Alright, hop in." said Roger.

"Tuesday, we gotta call Margaret and tell her we're not coming in for a while." said Corey as Katie jumped into the car.

"Who cares?" scoffed Tuesday.

* * *

In Long Beach, former police officer Brian O'Conner pulled up to a garage. He exited his car and entered the garage where he found former street racing partner Dominic Toretto working on a silver Nissan Skyline with his longtime friend Vince.

"Hey, what's up, guys?" asked Brian.

"What's he doing here?" asked Vince.

"Relax, Vince." said Dominic. "He saved your life."

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean I have to like it." said Vince.

"Nice to see you too, Vince." said Brian. "I got your message, Dom. Really appreciate it. So, is this the car we're driving in the Cannonball?"

"Yeah, like it?" asked Dominic.

"Definitely." said Brian. "'96 Skyline if I'm not mistaken."

"Not just." said Dominic. He directed Brian to the side of the car.

"No shit." said Brian. "This is a Nismo 400R?"

"You wouldn't believe what we went through to get it out of Japan." said Vince.

"I can imagine." said Brian. "Hey, what happened to 'Memphis' Raines and Jesse James? You said they'd be running the race as well."

"Yeah, but in their own vehicles. Memphis is in the next bay with a real classic. Jesse's in the bay next to it with a rather unusual entry" said Dominic.

Brian looked over to where Dominic indicated. He saw former car thief Randall "Memphis" Raines working on a metallic gray '67 Shelby Mustang GT500 with white stripes painted down the centre.

"You guys have a falling out?" asked Brian.

"No, we decided we'd have better chances if we split into three teams." said Dominic. "Want to say 'hi'?"

"I guess." said Brian. He walked over to Memphis. "Memphis Raines?" he said.

"Huh?" said Memphis. "Oh, hi. You must be Brian. How you been?"

"I've been fine." said Brian. "Nice to meet you."

"Thanks." said Memphis. "Oh, I'd like you to meet my teammates."

"Hi." said a woman with blonde and brown hair. "Sara Wayland. Ran with Memphis a long time."

"Yeah, you're the one called Sway." said Brian. "I know you because I studied Memphis' record when I was with the LAPD."

"Oh, have you seen 'The Sphinx'?" said Sway.

A tall, muscular man walked over. "So, Mr. O'Conner, you're in this as well?" he said with a British accent.

"Yeah, looks like we're going to be working together." said Brian.

"Just remember we're on the same team." said the Sphinx.

"No prob." said Brian. "I'm looking forward to running together with Dom again."

"Okay." said the Sphinx. "Catcha later."

"Alright, I'll let you get back to work." said Brian. He walked back over to Dominic and Vince.

"I see you've met the Sphinx." said Dominic.

"I read about him in the crime reports." said Brian. "All this time I thought he was from Long Beach."

"Wanna say 'hi' to Mr. James?" asked Vince. He pointed into the next bay over where the Monster Garage veteran was working on the car up on the lift. "Go ahead. You know you want to."

"Alright." said Brian. He walked over and said "Mr. James."

Jesse looked away from the car to see who was talking to him. "Hey, what's up? You Brian?"

"Yep. Just got here." said Brian. "What's this?"

"This is our Cannonball car." said Jesse.

"Looks like something from a family man's driveway, bro." said Brian.

"Maybe, but I'm trying to tell the world I can make a racer out of this." said Jesse.

"I heard your buddies Tombstone and Body Drop are with you." asked Brian.

"That they are." said Jesse, pointing to a tall, beefy guy wearing a hat and black-rimmed glasses and a dwarf wearing a t-shirt and blue jeans. "I let them take a break because I'm almost done. Go say 'hi'."

"Okay." said Brian. He walked over to the pair.

Tombstone, real name Steve Stearle, held a set of drawings. "These are some sketches I drew up." he said. "I thought we could decorate the car this way. What do you think?"

Body Drop, real name Chris Artiaga, looked at the first sketch and said "That ain't gonna work."

Tombstone went to the next sketch.

"That ain't gonna work." said Body Drop.

Tombstone went to the next sketch.

Body Drop picked up a megaphone and used it to say "That ain't gonna work."

"Hey, what's up, guys?" asked Brian.

"You must be Brian O'Conner" asked Tombstone. "Dom told us all about you. You're very different from what those movies based on your and Dom's experiences make you look."

"Well, quite a bit of it is true, but you know Hollywood hype." said Brian.

"Quite so. " said Body Drop. "Good thing you weren't here earlier. You wouldn't believe some of the things Vince was saying about you."

"No, I guess I wouldn't." said Brian.

"Okay, everybody." said Dominic. "Gather around."

The street racers, former car thieves, and Monster Garage veterans gathered around. Dominic was commanding attention.

"Okay, people." he said. "It's almost time to leave for the Cannonball. As you know, we have split the team into three separate teams to increase our chances of bringing home the gold. These three teams are organized by prior relations. Memphis' team is comprised of his former crew of car thieves. My team consists of myself and two members of my racing team. Jesse's team is made up of a couple of Monster Garage veterans. Each of us has our own car. Memphis, what are you driving?"

"Our car is a Shelby Mustang." said Memphis. "We called it the Cowboy in reference to Carrol Shelby's Texan heritage. It's classic, baby."

"Nice." said Dominic. "Vince, what do we have?"

"Our car is a tuned Nissan Skyline." said Vince. "Specificly, it's a Nismo 400R. We call it the Rumor."

"Thank you, Vince." said Dominic. "And Jesse?"

"Check it out." said Jesse as he hit the switch for the lift. As it decended, the racers got a good look at a silver Volvo 240 GLT Estate.

"You're driving a station wagon?" asked Sway.

"We call it the Ignition." said Tombstone. "According to Jesse, it's faster than it looks."

"Or at least it should be." said Jesse.

"Well, we have to go anyway." said Dominic. "Everybody, get to your cars."

"Hold on a minute, Dom. Just one thing before we go." said Memphis. He walked over to his stall and inserted a CD into a boom box.

"Oh, of course." Said Dom.

A song started to play.

It was 'Lowrider' by War.

Memphis closed his eyes and held up his arms and shook them to the music. Jesse tapped his hand on his knee and whistled the tune. Brian watched the whole thing amazed.

"Just like it said in his M.O." he said.

"Hey, you'd better not be giving us a lot of cop crap on the race." Vince warned.

"Enough, Vince." said Dom. The song continued as Sway linked hands with Memphis and the two did a little funky dance.

After a few moments, Memphis shook his hands in the air and then signalled for the Sphinx to turn the music off, which he did.

"Okay. Let's ride." Memphis said.

The racers took to their cars. Memphis drove the Cowboy, Dominic took the wheel of the Rumor, and Jesse occupied the driver's seat of the Ignition. Within minutes, they were on the street.

Soon, they came to an intersection. The three cars parked side-by-side at the stop line while the light was red. Dominic looked over to Memphis, who nodded. He then looked to Jesse, who gave the "monster stare". All three put their cars into gear.

The light turned green. The three cars took off like a shot. The Rumor took an early lead with the Cowboy gaining fast. Just as the Cowboy caught up with the Rumor, the Ignition raced past them both. Dominic and Memphis both stared in surprise.

"Dear, Sweden." said Jesse. "All is forgiven."

* * *

In the headquarters of the anti-terrorist group known as G.I. Joe, its three highest ranking officers had a meeting.

"It's been confirmed." said General Clayton Abernathy, AKA Hawk. "Cobra is making plans to enter some of its' members in the Cannonball. Intel has informed us that with the kind of prize money the organizers are offering this year, they could become more powerful than ever."

"Very irresponsible of the organizers if you ask me, Hawk." replied Sgt. Conrad Hauser, AKA Duke. "They must know that an offer like that would bring all kinds of nasties out of the woodwork."

"Well it's not going to be so easy for Cobra, Duke." said Warrant Officer Dashiell Fairborne, AKA Flint. "The president has ordered us to enter a team in the Cannonball as well, to prevent Cobra from getting their slimy mitts on that dough."

Duke whistled. "You'd need a good driver for that. The Cannonballers are quite often excellent behind the wheel."

"I know that Duke. That's why I selected the team I did." Hawk pressed a button on his speaker phone. "Cannonball Run Unit report to my office on the double." he said.

After a short pause, five members of the Joe team entered the office. Walking in front was Lance Steinberg AKA Clutch, one of the Joes' best drivers.

"Clutch will of course be driving." Hawk announced. "The other members of the team can take turns however."

The other four Joes were Hector X. Delgado AKA Shipwreck, Craig S. McConnel AKA Rock 'N Roll, Lonzo Wilkinson AKA Stalker and the silent, masked commando known only as Snake Eyes.

"It'll be fun actually taking part in the race instead of chasing after a stolen weapon like we did two years ago." Stalker said.

"It'd be even more fun if it weren't just an out of town job!" grumbled Shipwreck. "I wanted a break from fighting those snakes!"

"Oh, come on, barnacle brain!" said Rock 'N Roll. "We can show old Chrome-cheeks who's better on the road. He'll never be able to live down the humiliation if we win."

"That's the spirit, guys!" said Duke. "So, what will they be driving, Hawk?"

"Well, Clutch has got a vehicle that he and Rock 'N Roll restored. He volunteered to use it in the race." Hawk said.

"It's right outside." said Clutch as he pointed to the window. The team went to the window and looked out to see a multi-coloured 1957 Chevy Bel Air. The hood was mostly red but with a bit of orange at the end, the roof was blue and the doors and rear of the car were purple.

"That is a LOUD paint job." Shipwreck remarked.

"The engine's even louder after I gave her the ol' Clutch Touch, Popeye." said Clutch.

"Does it have a name, guys?" Flint asked as he looked at the car in appreciation.

"Yep. We call it the Battle." said Rock 'N Roll.

"Well, guys," said Hawk "I wish you all the best of luck in the mission. And remember, have fun!"

"YO JOE!" the Unit (apart from Snake Eyes, who remained silent as ever) yelled as they raised their right arms into the air.

* * *

In an underground parking garage somewhere in Toronto, a dark-haired man wearing a long, grey trenchcoat approached a red 2000 TVR Cerbera Speed Six. The man was IMF Agent Ethan Hunt. Waiting in the car was the leader of his organization, Mission Commander Swanbeck.

"Ethan. I'm glad you could make it. It amazes me everytime how you manage to find time for the Cannonball in your busy schedule. It also amazes me how you get your jollies. It's either this race or climbing mountains." Swanbeck said.

"Well, what can I say? I love intensity. Has the usual arrangement been made?" Ethan asked as he got into the driver's seat.

"Yes, Snake should appear any minute. Literally." Swanbeck replied.

About twenty feet away from the car, the sound of a switch being activated could be heard and then, as if from nowhere, appeared the mysterious black-ops mercenary known as Solid Snake.

"Hope I didn't scare you guys." he said.

"Still using that stealth camouflage stuff, Snake?" Ethan asked.

"Well, you get used to it when every nasty from Brooklyn to Baghdad wants you dead. It's best to remain unseen." Snake replied, letting out a little chuckle.

Snake looked over the Cerbera. "Very impressive, Mr. Swanbeck." Snake said. "It really does look like a spy's car. I bet that Bond guy would be jealous if he saw us with this."

"I'm glad it's to your liking, Snake." Swanbeck said as he climbed out of the passenger seat. "The IMF has named the vehicle the Espion. That even means 'spy'. Not very subtle I know, but I thought it was appropriate. Your friend, Dr. Emmerich added a few features to it."

"Otacon?" said Snake. "I know then that we've got something special."

"Well, Snake, climb on in and we'll be on our way." Ethan said.

"No prob." replied Snake as he got into the Espion.

"Alright, gentlemen." said Swanbeck. "Goodbye and good luck in the Cannonball."

Ethan threw the car into gear and drove off out of the garage.

* * *

In San Francisco, two men looked under the hood of a maroon 1974 Triumph Spitfire. One was the car's owner, a local psychic named Darryl. The other was a landscape architect named David Abbott.

"Where did you get this car?" asked David.

"Some French dude gave it to me for helping him with his novel." said Darryl. "He called it his little Triomphe Megere."

"What does that mean?" asked David.

"Literally, it means Triumph Spitfire." said Darryl.

David laughed. "You know, that might be a good name for the car." he said. "The Megere."

"Sweet." said Darryl. "Okay, I just want to point out that this car may look stock, but it's totally modified for racing."

"I can see that." said David. "I didn't think it was possible to fit an old Triumph with a turbocharger."

"It's also got the works." said Darryl. "Racing suspension, transmission, brakes, engine mods."

"I saw the rollcage, too." said David. "Very nice."

"You wanna take a look at that before we head out?" asked Darryl.

"Sure, no problem." said David.

"Say, how'd you show the Cannonball officials you had the skills to race?" asked Darryl.

"Oh, that's easy." said David. "I just sent them a video of my daily commute."

He stuck his head into the passenger side window and looked at the rollcage. He was surprised to find his spectral girlfriend Elizabeth Masterson sitting in the back. If anyone but David could see her, the scene wouldn't look too much out of the ordinary...except for the fact that the rollcage's crossmembers passed through Elizabeth's ghostly "body".

"Thought we were gonna leave without you?" asked David.

"No, I just thought I'd save you the trouble." said Elizabeth. "Are you guys almost finished?"

"Just about." said David. "You have everything you need?"

"Let's see." said Elizabeth. "My body is downtown in the hospital's coma ward, so yeah, I've got all I need."

Darryl stuck his head in the driver's side window and said "I sense a presence. Is Elizabeth here?"

"Yeah, she's here." said David.

"Righteous." said Darryl. "All set?"

"Yeah, I'm ready." said David as he opened the door and climbed in.

"I'm there." said Darryl as he climbed in himself. The two fastened their seatbelts. Elizabeth sat up and looked at what they were doing. David turned to her and asked "You want a turn at the wheel?"

Darryl and Elizabeth laughed. "That would be a sight." said Darryl.

"Thanks, but no." said Elizabeth. "It's better this way. Last time I drove, I ended up like this."

* * *

In the small town of Highland, Beavis and Butthead stood waiting outside their house. Butthead held a black suitcase.

"So, will Corvax, like, be getting here soon?" asked Beavis.

"He said he'd be here in about 15 minutes when he called us back there." Butthead replied.

Suddenly, they heard the roar of a car engine and both teens looked to see a silver Aston Martin DB9 Coupe coming down the street.

Behind the wheel was the green-skinned sheik Corvax. He raced past Beavis and Butthead initially.

"HEY!" both teens yelled initially.

Suddenly Corvax performed a wild U-turn and approached them. He stopped beside his two team-mates.

"Just turning the car in the right direction so we can go." Corvax said. "You didn't think I'd leave without you, did you?"

"Well, for a minute there..." Beavis began.

Butthead smacked Beavis. "Shut up, buttmunch! He might leave us behind if you say that!"

"Up yours, asshole!" Beavis replied as he hit Butthead back.

Corvax put his fingers at each side of his mouth and let out an ear-piercing whistle. Both Beavis and Butthead stopped fighting and turned to face him.

"We have no time to waste. We have to get started on the road to Las Venturas right away. Now get in." he said.

"Uh, okay." Said Butthead as the two climbed into the car.

"Nice wheels. What do you call it?" Beavis asked.

"She's called the Starlight." Corvax replied. "Did you bring any good tunes?"

Butthead opened his suitcase and took out a CD.

"The best." He said. "This is a CD by Manowar. They rock!"

"Yeah!" said Beavis. "Death To False Metal! That's their motto."

"Yeah, false metal like Winger!" Butthead said.

Both he and Beavis shuddered. Corvax let out a nervous laugh as he ejected the CD that was already in the player: "In The Heart Of The Young" by Winger.

He quickly hid the CD in the glove compartment and took the CD that Butthead handed him.

"Put it on to track twelve." Butthead said. "It's a great driving song!".

"Yeah! Yeah!" Beavis said.

"Right." said Corvax as he looked at the case. "Wheels of Fire, eh? Well, I'll wait and play it when we actually get into the race, but for now let's go."

Beavis and Butthead started cheering as the Starlight roared down the road. In short order, they passed a motorcycle cop, who took off after them.

"Not today, Mr. Bear." said Corvax as he pressed a red button on the steering wheel. The Starlight was catapulted forward by a shot of nitrous, leaving the cop in the dust.

* * *

On a long freeway, a single vehicle sped along. It was a dark red Harley Davidson V-Rod motorcycle with a picture of a golden wing with a letter "A" painted on it. Riding it was a serious looking-dark haired man wearing a long leather trenchcoat and a black t-shirt with a skull painted on it. It was the ex-cop turned vigilante Frank Castle, known to his enemies as The Punisher.

"It was great being in the race two years ago." he thought to himself. "I'm hoping I can win this year. Then I can do with the prize money what I did with Howard Saint's money. Give it to people who deserve it. I may keep some for myself, though."

He then poured on the speed of his bike, the Avenger.

"Let's go, baby." he said aloud as the bike sped on.

* * *

In the semi truck which belonged to the organization known as FLAG (the Foundation for Law And Government), Dr. Bonnie Barstow and her assistant Reginald Cornelius III, RC3 to his friends, put the finishing touches to a blue 1964 Pontiac Tempest Le Mans GTO.

"There, that should do it." Bonnie said as she finished fixing a fuel line under the car and rolled out.

Standing watching the pair work was the Foundation's field agent, Michael Knight.

"So, guys." he said. "Is the Barbarian ready?" he asked.

"You bet, Michael." RC3 said. "KITT's personality has been transferred in and the Molecular Bonded Shell has been applied."

"We also added the Resonating Laser, Turbo Boost, and Super Pursuit Mode capabilities, since that's allowed again." Bonnie said as she stood up and wiped her hands on a rag.

"Very much appreciated. Thanks, guys." said Michael. "Well, here's hoping that this time around, I can pull off the big win."

"You doubt our abilities after doing the race so often, Michael?" asked KITT, the A.I. computer that was fitted into the Barbarian. "Don't forget, we were in the top ten in the race two years ago. Got one million dollars for our trouble."

"I know, buddy." Said Michael. "But the Cannonball has been anything but easy. And if you still want that female company for yourself built by the Foundation, the big prize should cover expenses."

"Michael, I think we should get going now. I'd like to see what my new form can do." KITT said.

Michael climbed into the Barbarian as the semi slowed down and lowered the back door to let the car out.

"Good luck, both of you." Said Bonnie as she waved. RC3 gave a thumbs-up.

Michael reversed the car down the back ramp and got onto the road.

"Okay. Las Venturas, here we come!" Michael said as he passed the FLAG truck.

"Would you like to try my computerized blackjack again, Michael?" KITT asked.

"After nearly getting bankrupted the last time? No thanks!" Michael joked.

* * *

In Metro City, brilliant scientist Julian Wilkes, creator of the crime-fighting car the Viper Defender,and the Defender teams's resident mechanic Frankie Waters, talked to the three members of the Metro City team who were competing in the Cannonball Run.

There were two dark-haired men and one dark-haired woman. The first of the men, Joe Astor, looked across at the second man, former CIA agent Thomas Cole. "So you're the guy who drove the Defender while I was away. I heard you were good."

"I heard the same about you, Mr. Astor." Replied Cole. "Best wheelman on the force if I'm not mistaken."

Joe looked a little uncomfortable. "I wasn't exactly on the force." He said.

"Well, I'm glad I was able to get assigned back to the project just this once. Since we'll be sharing driving duties I hope you live up to the hype." Cole said.

"Hey, don't worry about him." said the woman, MetroPol Detective Cameron Westlake. "Worry about the competition we'll have."

"You will indeed have great competition." Julian said. "We received an e-mail from an old college friend of mine, Bonnie Barstow of FLAG. She reckons their vehicle will be superior to ours. I hope you guys can prove her wrong."

Frankie spoke up. "In fact, Julian and I intend to go to Cannonball Race Central and join with the other special mechanics who'll be there. The three of you are the race team."

"Indeed." said Julian. "We modified the Asp so it could carry three passengers."

"No kidding?" Cole asked.

"I never kid about my work, Cole." Said Julian. "Besides, considering the record the three of you have had in the field, you should have no problem scoring the big win."

Frankie and Julian went over to a car with a tarpaulin over it. Together, they whisked the tarp off to reveal a red 1999 Dodge Viper GTS, with white racing stripes down the centre.

"This is the Asp." Julian said. "We thought it appropriate to use another Viper."

"Wow! As Frankie used to say, 'Poke out my eyes! I love it'!" Joe said in amazement.

"I knew you'd be impressed." Frankie smirked. "But I'm warning you guys, bring her back in one piece."

"So, is there any equipment in it?" asked Westlake.

"Yeah. Because the Defender project is still covert the car can't go into Defender configuration, but you still have the standard weaponry and abilities." said Juilan.

"That includes, of course, the grappling hook, the EMP pulse cannon, machine guns and missile launcher, mini spy satellite as well as both off-road mode and hovercraft mode." added Frankie. "All in all, fully loaded.".

"Good to know. Things are rumoured to get rough during the Cannonball." Cole said.

"Well, good luck, guys." Julian said. "Now let's get going.".

With that, Joe, Cole and Westlake headed for the Asp while Frankie and Julian went over to get in Frankie's purple Hemi 'Cuda to head on their way to San Andreas.

* * *

Outside the Vercetti mansion in Vice City, Florida, stood a man wearing a grey suit with a pink shirt. This was notorious Vice City crime lord Tommy Vercetti. He looked at his watch and then saw a taxi pulling up outside his mansion. He smiled as this meant his Cannonball Run partners had arrived. Out of the taxi got a black man wearing sunglasses and a green shirt and jeans, and a white man wearing a black leather jacket which was zipped up, a black shirt and green cargo pants.

"C.J, Claude. Good to see you guys again." said Tommy.

"Hey, Tommy. It's good to see you too." said the black man, Carl 'C.J.' Johnson. The white guy, Claude Speed, just nodded hello.

"Talkative as ever I see, Claude." Said Tommy. Claude smirked and gave Tommy the finger.

"Hey, knock that off, man!" C.J. said to Claude. "Remember we have to work as a team."

"I can take a joke you know, C.J." said Tommy. "So, your old pal Woozie is hosting the Cannonball party this year. Pity he couldn't be racing in it."

Claude nodded in agreement.

"Well, you'll be happy to know that the $250 million prize I claimed two years ago was well-used. I'm hoping I can pull off the big win again." Tommy said.

"Yeah, I know how much bread you need to run an empire." said C.J. "We're lucky over in Los Santos to get through a week without some dickhead trying to muscle in on the territory."

"Okay, well, enough chatter. The car's over next to my limo." said Tommy as he led his partners across the mansion's grounds. He then pointed to their racing vehicle. It was a yellow 1987 Porsche, specifically a Ruf CTR 'Yellow Bird'.

C.J. whistled. "Those are some great wheels, Tommy." he said.

Claude gave a thumbs-up.

"Thanks." Said Tommy. "As this model of car is nicknamed Yellow Bird, I decided that's what I'd call it."

"Great. So are we goin' now?" asked C.J.

"We certainly are." replied Tommy as he got into the driver's seat. C.J. climbed in back and then Claude got into the front passenger seat.

Tommy started the Yellow Bird up and peeled rubber out of its parking space.

* * *

In Empire City, Nightshade reported to Federal Agent Baldwin P. Vess aka Bulletproof, the leader of the city's elite crime-fighting force C.O.P.S.

"Big Boss is involved with Mr. Chairman and Yuri." She said. "They're acting on behalf of that drug dealer who went down two years ago, Jimmy DeMarco."

"Dr. Feelgood, eh? This could be tricky. I ordinarily wouldn't approve of people going all around the world and violating traffic laws, but if Big Boss is going to be involved, I think we should give the Cannonballers a hand." Bulletproof said.

He turned to three of his officers who were also present: David E. Harlson aka Highway, Donny Brooks aka Hardtop and Hugh S. Forward aka Bullseye.

"You guys will certainly be needed. Bullseye can fly over the race route in the Air Raid chopper. Highway and Hardtop can go on the road to provide protection."

"You can count on us, Bulletproof." said Highway. "I'd like to see any bad guys outrun my turbocycle."

"There's one problem, though, sir." Said Hardtop. "Most of our Ironsides vehicles are in for repairs after that last case we were on."

"Well, I'm sure the Cannonball officials can provide a vehicle for you, Hardtop." said Bulletproof. "I'll give them a call now."

Las Venturas...

Mr. X was taking the call from Bulletproof.

"Yes, Agent Vess, we would very much appreciate your help in this matter. I'm glad that some law enforcement officials are a bit more open-minded about the Cannonball. I have an agent myself who has a vehicle he can share with Officer Hardtop. I'll get in contact with him as soon as possible. Thank you very much."

Mr. X hung up the phone and dialed another number.

Empire City...

Bulletproof set down the phone.

"Okay, we're good to go. Nightshade, we may need you as well." he said.

"In what capacity?" she asked.

"According to you, the Night Fox may be attempting to steal the prize money. We'd like you to try and beat him to the punch and get the prize money to a secure location." Bulletproof said.

"I can try, but Toulour is good. Real good." replied Nightshade.

"Well, no offence, Nightshade, you weren't exactly an amateur before you joined our side." said Bullseye.

"Hardtop, Mr. X said you'll have a partner. Whoever he is, I'm sure the two of you will make a great team." Said Bulletproof. "Let's go, people. It's crime-fighting time!"

* * *

In a house somewhere in New England, a phone rang.

A blond-haired man dressed in black answered it. This man was Mr. X's agent known only as the Lone Wolf.

"Hello. Yes, Mr. X, I'd be glad to help in the Cannonball again. Big trouble you say? The C.O.P.S. from Empire City are offering their help? Sure, I'd be glad to have one as my partner. Yes, I have a car we can use. What? You're gonna call Miller too? Well, yeah he could be of use. I just hope he doesn't get too overzealous. Alright, I'm on my way now."

Lone Wolf hung up the phone. He turned to see a woman with black hair in a ponytail and green eyes wearing a white jumpsuit.

"Mitzi." He said to his girlfriend. "You overheard."

"That I did." Mitzi replied. "Do you really have to risk your life in that race again?"

"I owe it to Mr. X." said Lone Wolf. "He's done a lot for me. Besides, God knows what trouble the racers will face this year. You heard me say he's calling Richard as well, didn't you? If X needs two operatives of his in the field, you can guarantee it means trouble."

"Well, if you insist." Replied the alien girl as she gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Try and come back in one piece."

"Hey, when I've got you to come back to, you can be sure of it." said Lone Wolf. "I'll be using the Silver Bullet this year. Is it in the garage?"

"Yeah." said Mitzi. "Good luck."

Lone Wolf smiled at her and exited his house. He opened his garage door and entered the garage where a silver Cadillac Cien custom car was sitting. This was the Silver Bullet. He unlocked the car and got behind the wheel. After starting the engine, he drove out of his garage and off towards Las Venturas.

Mitzi watched him go, and then closed the garage door.

As Lone Wolf started the long journey to Las Venturas, he turned on his radio and smiled as an atmospheric techno song came on.

**Traveling somewhere, could be anywhere.**  
**There's a coldness in the air but I don't care.**  
**We drift deeper.**  
**Life goes on.**  
**We drift deeper.**  
**Into the sound.**

**Traveling somewhere, could be anywhere.**  
**There's a coldness in the air but I don't care.**  
**We drift deeper into sound.**  
**Life goes on.**  
**We drift deeper.**  
**Into the sound feeling strong.**  
**So bring it on.**  
**So bring it on.**

**Embrace me.**  
**Surround me as the rush comes.**  
**Embrace me.**  
**Surround me as the rush comes.**  
**Embrace me.**  
**Surround me as the rush comes.**  
**Oh embrace me.**  
**Surround me as the rush comes.**

**So bring it on.**  
**So bring it on.**

**We drift deeper into sound.**  
**Life goes on.**  
**We drift deeper.**  
**Into the sound feeling strong.**  
**So bring it on.**  
**So bring it on.**

**Embrace me.**  
**Surround me as the rush comes.**  
**Embrace me.**  
**Surround me as the rush comes.**  
**Embrace me.**  
**Surround me as the rush comes.**  
**Oh embrace me.**  
**Surround me as the rush comes.**

**Embrace me.**  
**Surround me as the rush comes.**  
**Embrace me.**  
**Surround me as the rush comes.**  
**Embrace me.**  
**Surround me as the rush comes.**  
**Oh embrace me.**  
**Surround me as the rush comes.**

**As the rush comes.**  
**As the rush comes.**

-'As The Rush Comes' by Motorcycle.

* * *

In Mad Max's dimension, the city called Paradise City was getting ready to bid its saviour farewell.

The man called Mason Strong and his partner Spike drove down the main street in an orange 2002 Chrysler Prowler.

Lining the streets were members of the military Blister Canyon gang called the Section Eights and the American football themed Paradise City gang called the South League.

They owed much to Mason who had rid Hell County of the despot Axl and his gang the Sentinels. They had also helped out with problems involving other rival gangs, so the Eights and the League had turned out to show their gratitude.

"I wasn't expecting this kind of reception." said Spike.

"After all we've done?" said Mason, raising an eyebrow. "Max is in the race again this year. Hopefully we'll be able to beat him. He is my friend and all, but since we're racing in the Cannonball this year I'm not giving anyone a break."

"What about good sportsmanship?" asked Spike.

"Don't worry. It's not my intention to cheat to win, unlike Wario." said Mason. "The Road Lord here oughta decimate all the other cars though."

Two vehicles were waiting for them at the end of the street. Standing beside one of them, a bown and blue '67 Chevy Camaro called the Thunder, were the leader of the Section Eights, General Warwick, and Section Eight drill sergeant Gunny.

Standing beside the other vehicle, a yellow Ford Bronco called the Juice, was Coach Knox, leader of the South League and his number two guy Vinny.

Mason stopped the Road Lord and rolled down his window to address his powerful friends.

"Mason, we're gonna make sure that no-one causes any trouble for you in the Cannonball." said Knox. "The South League will be leaving for Las Venturas soon to offer our services to the race officials as protectors."

"And that's exactly what we're gonna do as well, Mason." said Warwick.

"Any pukes who try to waste you or any of the other racers will find themselves in a whole world of shit!" said Gunny.

"And that's a fact." smirked Vinny.

"Thanks very much, you guys. We're heading for that dimensional portal now." Said Mason.

"You better hurry." Said Coach Knox. "Max went through a couple of hours ago."

"Yeah, we know." Said Spike.

"Well, I'll be seeing you guys then. This is without a doubt the big one!" said Mason as he accelerated the Road Lord off down the street.

* * *

In Coolsville U.S.A, the group known as Mystery Inc. were gathered around a black 2005 Dodge Magnum.

"You've got a very good sense of which vehicles we should use, Shaggy. You know that?" said Freddie Jones.

"Well I knew we needed something powerful" said Norville Rogers, known to his friends as Shaggy.

"I'm surprised you haven't picked a Subaru yet. After all, Subarus are nicknamed Scoobies." said the redheaded Daphne Blake.

"Really?" said the group's dog, Scoobert 'Scooby' Doo.

"Yeah, Scooby really." said the bespectacled Velma Dinkley. "I think Shaggy should pick a Subaru next year to honour you."

"Raw, shucks." said Scooby as he blushed a little.

"Maybe I will." said Shaggy. "But this car we're using this year has got some major horsepower."

"So, I take it you've packed up all the food?" said Freddie, half-joking.

"Not too much." Said Shaggy. "After all, we don't want to weigh the car down."

"So, what do you call the car?" asked Daphne.

"I thought something French would sound classy, so I named it the Cavaliere." said Shaggy.

"Cool." said Scooby.

"Well, then. Shall we go?" asked Velma.

"We shall indeed." said Shaggy.

"Let me drive first this time." said Freddie as he got into the front seat.

As the gang got into the car, Velma's boyfriend Patrick ran up.

"Hey, Velma." he said. "I just came to wish you good luck. All of Coolsville is behind you and we hope you'll be victorious this time."

"Why, thank you Patrick." Velma said as she leaned forward and kissed Patrick. "I'm just glad that there'll be no fake reporters trying to make us look bad this time."

"Come on, Velma. We have to go if we want to beat traffic." Shaggy said.

"Coming." said Velma as she got into the Cavaliere and Fred started it off.

The Cavaliere roared off down the road.

* * *

In the town of Broca Beach, New Jersey, a town run by the terrorist organization known as Cobra...

A handsome man, the Scottish arms dealer called Destro, and his lady love, European noblewoman Baroness Anastasia DeCobray, walked out of the airport and over to a waiting taxi.

"Where to?" asked the driver.

"Sector 12-R." said Destro.

"Vehicle staging area?" asked the driver.

"It's not the shuffleboard court." said the Baroness.

"Just asking." said the driver as he started to pull away.

Ten minutes later, the taxi stopped in the vehicle staging area. Destro and the Baroness climbed out and carried their luggage to the center of a group of parked military vehicles. Among the seemingly endless rows of tanks and jeeps were a silver Shelby Cobra and a red 2000 Ford Mustang Cobra R.

Nearby, two men stood while a third sat on a throne of old car parts. One of the men standing was dressed in a white ninja outfit with a red sash and the Cobra emblem on the chest. He was Cobra's top ninja, Thomas Arashikage. He was better known by the English translation of his last name: Storm Shadow.

The other stander wore a black chestplate and a maroon hood that framed his face. He also had black triangles painted over his eyes. This man was Cobra's infamous master of disguise, Zartan.

The man sitting wore blue battle armor and a red cape. Under his helmet was a gray hood that covered his face, so the only part of his face visible were his eyes. He held a staff that resembled a cobra snake that left no doubt as to his identity: the leader of Cobra himself, Cobra Commander.

"Well, Destro." said Cobra Commander. "So nice of you to join us."

"What was this mission you called us for?" asked Destro.

"As you might know, the Cannonball Run is starting up again." said Cobra Commander. "I thought it might be a good idea to enter ourselves to acquire the prize money."

"A great idea." said the Baroness. "But won't the G.I. Joe team try to stop us?"

"They might try." said Cobra Commander. "That's why I've decided to separate into two teams. Zartan and Storm Shadow will be travelling with me in the Mustang, called Aquila."

"Although knowing him, the two of us will take turns driving while he sits in the back and whines." said Storm Shadow.

"While the two of you will be together in the Destroyer." said Cobra Commander, pointing to the other car. "I think you can see what I like about these cars."

"Ah yes, they're both 'Cobras'." said Destro as he noted the Cobra badge on the side of the Aquila. "Excuse me, I have to do something first."

"So, how are these vehicles equipped?" asked the Baroness.

"Zartan." said Cobra Commander.

"I had one of the Dreadnoks, Thrasher, go over them." said Zartan. "Both vehicles have been tuned up as far as they can go. Also, MARS has added some nice little toys that should prove useful. Destro should know how to use them. Meanwhile, our car has been given a little trick that I will keep secret."

Everybody looked to Destro to see him opening his attache case. "This battle will be fought with horsepower instead of ammunition." he said. "But it is a battle nonetheless. So, out of tradition, I must prepare accordingly." He took a stainless steel face mask out of the case and quickly put it on.

"Can you drive while wearing that?" asked Storm Shadow.

"This is not the same mask my ancestor was forced to wear." said Destro. "It has many improvements including heat sensors, motion sensors, and a stimulant injector."

"With that done, let's set out and claim victory!" said Cobra Commander.

"COBRA!" cheered the group.

* * *

On a road just outside Las Venturas, an orange and white 1955 Buick Century drove along. In the driver's seat, admiring the view as he drove along slowly was another agent of Mr. X's...as well as an agent for the anti-terrorist group the V.S.S.E.: a dark-haired man wearing a black leather jacket with an eagle graphic on the back of it and a red sweater. His name was Richard Miller, also known as 'the One Man Army'. His car phone rang and he pulled over to the side of the road and stopped. He picked up the phone and answered it.

"Hello" He said.

AN: Yes, he actually CAN talk!

"Richard, it's me." Said Mr. X on the other end.

"Oh, hi, Mr. X. What's up?" Richard replied.

"You're aware that the Cannonball Run is starting again?" asked Mr. X.

A slow-moving Honda Civic passed Richard's car as he continued talking on the phone.

"Yeah, sure. I'd love it if I can take part in it in some capacity." Said Richard.

"Well you will be. There will be trouble this year,and you have the skills to handle it." said Mr. X.

"What kind of trouble?" asked Richard.

"The Big Boss of Empire City, Yuri and the Chairman of Acme are working on behalf of Jimmy DeMarco to try and stop the race and get revenge on the racers. If I'm right, that means that there will be attacks made on our racers in the field. I've already called in Lone Wolf, but I'd prefer if at least two people I can trust were out there watching the racers' backs." Said Mr. X.

"I hear ya, sir. Should I contact some more V.S.S.E. guys?" asked Richard

"We'll leave that as a last resort for now. Hopefully they won't be needed but you never know." replied Mr. X.

So, where shall we meet?" asked Richard..

"The starting line is at the Four Dragons casino in Las Venturas. I understand that you're in San Andreas right now?"

Richard checked the custom GPS he had put into his car

"As luck would have it, the Four Dragons is about ten minutes away from my present location." Said Richard. "I'll be there in five." He added mischeviously as he hung up the phone.

He started up the Buick and drove off down the road. After about 50 yards, he activated a red switch on his dashboard and the car leapt to an incredibly high speed.

Down the road, the Civic crept slowly along as the two men in it admired the countryside. Suddenly, the Buick rocketed past them, making them wobble a bit.

The Four Dragons...

"So, that's another of my agents on his way." Said Mr. X.

"Will he be here soon?" asked Brock.

"Pretty soon" replied Mr. X.

They heard the roar of a powerful engine approaching and looked out the window. The Buick, now slowing down a little, swerved and parked perfectly in a vacant spot. Richard got out of the car, locked it and tossed the keys to a nearby, bewildered valet.

"Clean the ashtray while you're at it." Richard called to him.

"Good." Said Mr. X. "He brought the Wildchild with him.".

"That's what he calls that thing is it?" asked J.J.

"Yeah. It's just one of a collection of great American muscle he has.". said Mr. X. "And he's great at handling it."

"Good. When Lone Wolf gets here later, we can start the briefing." Brock said.

* * *

Meanwhile, at Burbank Studios, a 1938 DeSoto hot rod was being worked on by self-proclaimed genius Wile E. Coyote. This car was painted mostly black but had yellow trim and flames painted on the doors. Wile E. finished tinkering under the hood, then closed it.

He turned to his team mates, Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck and gave them a thumbs-up.

"Great, the Thunder Rodd is ready." said Bugs. "I guess that means we can get going now."

"Yeah, and we damn well better win this time." said Daffy. "With us, Disney and Hanna Barbera entering teams this year, it's full on Toon war! And there's no way I'm gonna let us be shown up by those guys!"

"Take it easy, Daffy." said Bugs. "We'll do fine."

Bugs turned to Wile E. and asked him "Is Taz in the back?"

Wile E. nodded. Bugs walked over to the car and looked in the back seat. Sitting there, strapped tightly into his seatbelt and bound in a straitjacket was the Tasmanian Devil. He babbled in his bizarre language.

"Easy, Taz." Bugs said. "You'll get some exercise during the race. Here."

Bugs took out a huge ham and threw it to Taz who caught it in his mouth and started to munch on it.

"Okay, let's go!" said Daffy as he climbed into the Thunder Rodd's driver's seat.

* * *

In a large parking garage near the famous House of Mouse, Mickey Mouse walked towards a white 1963 Volkswagen Beetle, which had red and blue stripes down the centre and the number 53 on the hood and the doors. Waiting in it were his friends Donald Duck and Goofy.

"Hi everybody." Said Mickey as he got in. "It's about time a Disney team got back into the Cannonball."

"We won't have it easy, though." Goofy said. "The Looney Tunes are entering again this year."

"Yeah, and Hanna Barbera are entering a team this year as well." said Donald.

"Well, with our own automotive representative here, I'm sure we can beat them." said Mickey as he patted the Beetle's steering wheel.  
"Right, Herbie?"

Herbie, the famous Beetle with a mind of his own honked his horn in reply.

"I thought Minnie and Daisy were coming too?" said Goofy.

They heard the sound of another car approaching.

"That must be them now." said Donald.

Another car drove into the garage. Herbie suddenly raised up on his wheels in surprise.

Minnie Mouse and Daisy Duck had driven in in a powder blue Lancia Scorpion. The car had yellow and white stripes and the number 7 on the doors.

"They just HAD to pick Giselle, didn't they?" said Goofy.

Giselle was the Lancia's name. She too was a car with a mind of her own and happened to be a romantic acquaintance of Herbie's. The two had met while racing in the 1977 Monte Carlo Grand Prix.

Giselle came to a stop and opened her headlights at Herbie. She honked her horn at him.

Herbie turned on his radio and started playing the song 'Hey, Juliet' by LMNT.

"Nice to see you two still have a thing." said Minnie, who was driving Giselle. "But remember, both Disney teams are going for victory so try and keep the romance to a minimum.".

"It'll be great for the ladies of Disney to get some recognition for a change." said Daisy. "So you fellas better watch out."

"Maybe, but can Giselle still perform?" asked Mickey. "We heard it's been a while since she raced."

Giselle honked her horn indignantly.

"You better watch who you call rusty, Mickey." said Daisy.

"For your information, I intended to give you a demonstration of what Giselle is now capable of." Said Minnie.

"Then show us." said Donald.

"Okay." said Minnie as Giselle started up.

Giselle threw herself into high gear and drove off down the empty parking garage.

Giselle roared at high speed towards a wall at the far end of the garage. Minnie and Daisy briefly looked afraid but then suddenly, Giselle performed a bootlegger and turned back the opposite way, without losing much speed.

She started to steer herself between the pillars of the empty parking spaces, managing to avoid hitting each one. Donald and Goofy had their mouths wide open. Mickey just went "Wow" under his breath.

Giselle steered herself so she sideswiped, and ruptured, a nearby water pipe.

Giselle turned around and drove at full speed over the wet floor. She did not spin out. She performed another bootlegger and drove off towards the exit to the parking garage.

"Okay. Time to go." Mickey said.

Herbie started himself up and drove off after Giselle.

He quickly caught up with her and the girls as they drove down the street at high speed.

Herbie pulled alongside Giselle and Mickey called over "She's certainly got what it takes."

"And bear in mind, that was just her driving by herself." replied Minnie. "Wait 'til you see what she can do with Daisy and myself at the wheel!".

"Okay, last one to Las Venturas changes the oil!" said Goofy.

Both cars sped off into the distance.

* * *

In Cleveland, Ohio, Beverly Switzler, the lead singer and guitarist of hot local band the Cherry Bombs, was wishing her manager good luck for the Cannonball.

"Are you sure you're up to this, Howard?" she asked. "After all, they say that Cannonballers try every trick in the book to try and outsmart each other."

Her manager, the alien Howard T. Duck, smiled at her.

"Hey, don't worry, Toots." he said. "With the Wayfarer over there modified by Philsie, I should have no trouble."

Howard nodded over to a red Honda Gold Wing touring motorcycle.

"I'm still pissed that they didn't ask you and the girls to play as part of the Cannonball band, though." added Howard.

It's no big deal." replied Beverly. "There's always next year. Anyway, take care of yourself, Howard."

She gave him a peck on the cheek.

Howard smiled and said "No problem."

He then mounted the Wayfarer and put on his helmet. He started the engine and pressed a switch in the centre of the dashboard.

As soon as he hit the switch, the Wayfarer rocketed off at high speed.

"Whoa!" said Beverly as she saw Howard go.

* * *

At Turner Studios, the Hanna Barbera team were gathered around a dark and light green 1962 Buick Special. Huckleberry Hound was under the hood making the final adjustments.

"Hey hey!" said Yogi Bear. "This race should be ace!"

"Yeah, I'm sure it will be, Yogi." Said Yogi's friend Boo Boo. "I'd love it if we could show Disney AND Warner Brothers a thing or two."

"Don't get too cocky, guys." warned Ranger Francis Smith. "Remember that that old rascal Dick Dastardly is entering his Villains' Society into the race again. He'll probably pull just about every trick in the book to win!"

"Yeah, you're right Senor Ranger." said Baba Louie. "You know, I think "

"How many times do I have to tell you, Baba Louie?" interrupted Quick Draw McGraw. "I do the thinkin' round here, and dooon't you forget it!"

"Si, Quick Straw. Sorry." replied Baba Louie.

"Now come on, boys. Let's not fight! We need to work as a team." Said Yogi's girlfriend Cindy Bear. "We've not only got Dastardly to worry about, but Mystery Inc. as well."

Huckleberry looked up from under the hood.

"Well, we should beat them no problem." He said. "The Regalo's all ready." He closed the hood and then got behind the wheel. He motioned for the others to get in, which they did.

"Okay. All systems go!" Huckleberry said as he started the engine. The Regalo took off at full speed.

"Wow! This car is certain-lee everything you said it would be!" said Yogi.

"Yogi, for the hundredth time, please don't always talk in rhyme." Said Ranger Smith, before he realized what he just said.

"So, what are we going to call our team?" asked Quick Draw. "Team Hanna Barbera sounds boring if you ask me."

"I have an idea, fellas." Said Cindy. "Since we are a Hanna Barbera team, why not call ourselves The Wacky Racers?"

Everyone in the car looked pleased.

"Yeah that sounds great." Boo Boo said.

"It'll certainly piss ol' D.D. off when he hears we're calling ourselves that." said Huckleberry.

"Well I'm sure we'll beat him all the same." said Yogi.

"So, on to San Andreas then!" said Baba Louie.

"YEAH!" everyone else cheered.

* * *

In the middle of a swamp somewhere far away, the big ogre Shrek and his wife Princess Fiona got into a burgundy 1971 Nissan 240ZG. Already seated in it were their friends Donkey and Puss In Boots.

"It's gonna be great taking part in the Cannonball again after all these years." Shrek said.

"I'm looking forward to it. I've never gone all around the world before." said Fiona.

"Join the club, Princess." said Donkey. "We're gonna kick some serious butt!"

"Especially with this helping us." Shrek said as he pulled out an orange and black mask with the word 'Fury' embroidered on it.

"Victor picked you to be Captain Fury this year?" asked Fiona, impressed.

"Aye, he did." said Shrek. "If anyone tries anything nasty during the Cannonball, they'll be in a whole world of hurt with both the Captains on the case.".

"I don't doubt that for one minute." said Donkey

Shrek got behind the Nissan's wheel and turned to face Puss In Boots.

"So, this is the Licorne then?" he asked.

"That's right, Shrek. You know how often my ex-wife wanted me to get rid of this car?". Puss said.

"I never knew you were married." Said Fiona.

"I was for a while. But that's Japanese engineering for you. The Licorne outlasted our marriage." Puss laughed.

"Well, here we go." Said Donkey. Then he started to sing. "On the road again "

"HEY! Leave that until the party before the race if you can, Donkey, please!" said Shrek as he started the Licorne up.

"Okay." Donkey grumbled angrily.

"Right, that dwarf Snow White sent will look after the kids while we're away." said Fiona. "Take it away, sweetheart.".

Shrek smiled as he pulled out of the swamp.

* * *

In New York City, a blue and white 1970 Plymouth Hemi 'Cuda pulled up outside an apartment building and the driver honked its horn. The driver was a short man in a white suit and hat, known only as Ralph.

"Come on! Come on!" he said impatiently.

From the building emerged his friends, adventurer Jack Colton and his wife of twenty years, romantic novelist Joan Wilder-Colton.

"Hiya, Ralph!" called Jack. "Nice wheels, but can you see over the dashboard?"

"Oh, ha ha! Very funny, Colton." Ralph replied.

"Come on, guys." Said Joan. "We don't have any time to waste."

"Okay, Joanie." said Jack as he got into the 'Cuda followed by Joan.

"You think we'll meet the Jewel again?" Jack asked Joan.

"Who cares about jewels?" said Ralph. "I'm interested in that $500 million prize!"

"He meant the Jewel of the Nile, Ralph." Said Joan. "Remember him?"

"Sure, and I remember how I had to walk over hot coals out there." said Ralph. "You two just can't get enough adventure can you?"

"Now you can't tell me you're not looking forward to this, Ralph." said Jack. "So, does this 'Cuda have a name?"

"Yep. I call it the Squalo." Said Ralph. "And you better like the name, 'cause I'm sure as hell not calling it the Angelina 2!"

Jack and Joan just laughed.

"Okay, hold on to your butts!" said Ralph as he drove the car off down the street.

* * *

Dick Dastardly addressed the members of the Villains Society he had hand-picked to be in the Cannonball Run.

"Now then, fellow villains." He said. "To increase our chances of winning in this Cannonball, I have decided to split us into three teams."

"Do we have to bring Muttley with us?" asked Fearless Leader. "All he ever does is laugh when we mess up!"

Muttley grumbled something angrily. Fearless Leader glared at him."Are you talking to me?" he demanded of Muttley. "Are you talking to me?"

"Calm down, Fearless Leader." Said Boris Badenov, one of Fearless Leader's agents. "There'll be plenty of time to pick a fight after the race."

"Yes, but at least we won't have Moose and Squirrel to worry about." said Natasha Fatale.

"No, but there will be plenty of do-gooders though!" Snidely Whiplash said. "I'll bet that as soon as we get to Canada, that idiot Dudley Do-Right will try and stop us."

"He wouldn't dare." Said Mojo Jojo. "He took part in the Cannonball years ago. So did my enemies, the Powerpuff Girls. If they try to stop the race they know they'll look like hypocrites."

"I'm just glad to be away from Eternia, and not have to worry about He-Man or his blasted sister ruining everything." Said Skeletor. "But I'm hoping my powers will bring us victory."

"YOUR powers?" said Jafar. "What am I? Chopped liver?"

"HEY! Cut out the fighting!" said Captain Hook. "Or I might turn my friend Mean's anger up to four!"

Everyone gulped at the mention of the vicious cyborg Mean Machine, who stood near Captain Hook.

"And you guys KNOW what I do when I'm pissed!" Mean cackled sadistically.

"So, Dick. Where are the vehicles we're going to be using?" asked Dr. Drakken.

"Yeah, because the sooner we get them, the sooner we can get going and beat those other losers to the starting line!" chipped in Shego.

"They're at the back of the room." Said Dick. "Harry, hit the lights."

"Right, boss!" said Oil Can Harry as he turned on a light to reveal three cars: a silver 2005 Vauxhall Monaro VXR, a white 1979 Nissan Bluebird and a green Hummer H3T.

Evil gunslinger Mad Dog McCree whistled.

"Those wheels look mean, Dick." He said

"I'm glad you like them, cowboy." said Dick. "The Vauxhall is called the Cataract, the Nissan's called the Capital and the Hummer is called the Comrade. I picked names beginning with 'c' because I thought this society represented the three C's of villainy: corrupt, conniving and crooked."

"Very good." Said Fearless Leader. "Then shall we go, Dick?"

"We certainly shall." said Dick. "Fearless Leader, Muttley, Boris, Natasha and Snidely will ride with me in the Cataract. Mojo, Drakken, Shego and Mad Dog will ride in the Capital and the rest will ride in the Comrade."

"Which means we all get our chance to drive at some point." said Oil Can Harry

"Right, well let's not wait for the grass to grow." said Dick as the VS members headed for their cars.

* * *

In the Chicago, Illinois suburb called Little Italy, two men worked on a car.

A woman stepped out of a house across the street and said "Joey, phone."

One of the men ran across the street. Halfway across, he heard the growl of an engine and stopped. He looked up the street to see a '69 Oldsmobile 442 heading his way. It barely missed him.

In the passenger seat of the 442, professional bodyguard Ron Lucas looked over his shoulder and said "You almost hit that guy! You should slow down!"

"I thought I did slow down." said the driver, a mercenary known as Venom. "Where the hell is that warehouse?"

"Next left." said Ron. Venom took the next left and entered the warehouse. Numerous cars were parked about.

"All these cars and I'm just looking for one Mercedes." said Venom.

"There it is." said Ron.

Venom brought the car to a stop next to a silver Mercedes Benz SL600. He and Ron climbed out and walked over to the car. Venom opened the door, climbed into the driver's seat, and started rifling through the center console.

"Check the glovebox." said Ron. "Glovebox. Does that look like the glovebox to you?"

Venom opened the glove compartment and pulled out a small Thermos. "Bingo." he said.

He and Ron got back into the Olds and drove to a mansion in Near North. They parked next to a blueish-gray BMW M5. They climbed out and walked out back. Seymour Drake Jr, a.k.a. "The Drake", sat by the pool waiting for them.

"You made it back with five minutes to spare." said the Drake.

"Is this what you sent me for?" asked Venom as he handed the Thermos to the Drake.

"How did he drive?" asked the Drake as he took the Thermos from Venom.

"Not much worse than you do." said Ron.

Ron and Venom sat down at his table. The Drake opened the Thermos and took out a frozen Charleston Chew.

"We did all that for a damn candy bar?" asked Venom.

"No, you did that for a job." said the Drake as he took a bite of his candy bar. "Did you really think I would hold onto a Mercedes? I'm a Bimmer boy."

"Yeah, I saw that M5 in the driveway." said Venom.

"That's the car we'll be using." said Ron. "We call it the Utopia."

"Venom, I will be taking part in my first worldwide Cannonball Run." said the Drake. "Due to the distance, I'm not entirely certain I can drive the whole way. Ron will help out and I'll be needing your help as well. Specificly, I'll be needing your help behind the wheel."

"I accept your offer." said Venom. "Mostly, that's due to the sheer lunacy of it."

"Good." said the Drake. "We will be traveling to the starting line in Las Venturas next week." Then, he handed his Charleston Chew to him and asked "Want a bite?"

"I only eat candy bars with nuts." said Venom.

"Well, that explains it." said Ron. "You are what you eat."

* * *

Outside the famous Muppet theatre, Kermit the Frog, Fozzie Bear, the Great Gonzo, Rizzo the Rat and Animal all stood waiting.

"It's a shame Piggy couldn't come with us this year." said Kermit. "But it's nice of her to lend us one of her cars for the race."

"I hope it's a strong one. 'Cause I'm hoping we can win this year." said Fozzie as he took a sip of his coffee.

"CANNONBALL! CANNONBALL!" yelled Animal, who was nearly hyperventilating.

"Whoa, easy Animal." Said Rizzo. "We all know how exciting it is."

"Hey, here comes Piggy now." Said Gonzo as he pointed towards a vehicle which was fast approaching.

It was a green and white 1969 Mercury Cougar. Seated in the driver's seat was Miss Piggy. As she saw her friends standing outside the theatre, she slowed down and pulled into a parking space.

"Hi Piggy." said Kermit. "Is this the car? She sure is a beauty."

"Of course she is." said Piggy as she climbed out. "I call her the Hellenbach GT. Now I'm giving you guys it for the Cannonball, but there are a few simple do's and don'ts, because I want her returned in good condition."

Fozzie admired the car and as he was doing so, he set his coffee on the roof of the car. Piggy saw this and immediately lifted the coffee cup off.

"DON'T set drinks on the car." Piggy said. "Use the cup holder inside and mop up any spillages."

"Okay." Fozzie said sheepishly.

Piggy turned back to Kermit and said "Don't sideswipe any other racers, don't ram any racers from behind, don't get into any confrontations where the car may be damaged and above all, DON'T let Animal or Gonzo drive."

Gonzo looked disappointed. "Why not? I could handle this car!"

"Yeah, you could handle it right into a wall knowing your record!" Piggy said. "Just stay in the back seat."

"What are the do's on this list?" Rizzo asked.

"DO bring the car back in good condition, OR ELSE." replied Piggy as she made a fist.

Kermit gulped and then said "Okay, Piggy. Don't worry. Wish us luck, though."

Piggy's expression softened and she said "Of course I do, Kermie. Good luck."

"Okay, see you in a few months." Said Fozzie as the Muppets got into the Hellenbach GT.

* * *

In a house somewhere in L.A., a stereo blared into life, playing "Purple Haze" by Jimi Hendrix. At the same time a telephone rang in the same house. Roused from his sleep, the man known as Ford Fairlane (known to many as the Rock 'N Roll Detective) climbed out of bed and switched the stereo off and headed for the phone.

As soon as he answered the phone, a female voice at the other end accosted him. "Ford, what the hell are you doing?" said Ford's wife Jazz. "You know we have to get going as soon as possible. You'd better be ready!"

"Look, Jazz. I love you, but there are still times you sound like Charlie Brown's friggin' teacher when you go on at me like that." Ford said.

"Look, Don and I will be around there soon with the Overlord, so be ready!" said Jazz.

"I will be, sweetheart, don't worry." Replied Ford as he hung up the phone.

Twenty minutes later

Ford, now dressed in a black leather jacket, black T-shirt, sunglasses and snakeskin pants stood outside his house. He heard the sound of the song "Jungle Love" playing on a stereo and then looked to see a red and white 1957 Ford Fairlane 500 Skyliner, his signature vehicle, approaching. In it were Jazz and music producer Don Cleveland, a friend of Ford's (and according to Ford, the only guy in the music business he could talk to without vomiting Day-Glo).

"Yo, guys!" Ford yelled as the car, named the Overlord, came to a halt.

"Still a bit egotistical driving the car you were named after if you ask me, Ford." Said Don.

"Well, people expect it of me." Ford said. "I was glad I was able to find a new Fairlane after my old one was blown up."

Ford looked at the radio which still played 'Jungle Love'.

"Still listening to that crap, Don?" he asked Cleveland.

"Hey, watch it, Ford!" said Don. "The Time were a great band!"

"The way I remember it, Prince did all the instruments on every song on that album except for 'The Bird'." said Ford.

"Not true. The Time's Jesse Johnson DOES do the guitar solo on 'Jungle Love'." said Don

"Big whoop!" said Ford sarcastically.

"Can we please have this discussion later." Said Jazz. "We have a race to run. Come on, Ford."

"Okay, okay!" said Ford as he got into the Overlord.

"Cannonball here we come!" said Don.

"After this, I'll never have to say 'Hit paydirt with K-Dirt' ever again." cheered Ford.

* * *

In New York, stand-up comic Denis Leary and his friend and fellow comedian Dane Cook walked towards Leary's car.

"So, here she is. The Clover." said Denis as he pointed to a lime green 1972 Pontiac Le Mans. It had an upturned exhaust, square hood vents and a spoiler which matched the car.

Dane whistled. "Chip Foose certainly did a good job on her for you."

"Yeah he did, alright. It was really junky before he got his hands on it." replied Denis as he climbed into the car and got behind the steering wheel. "He said he did it to show his appreciation for my aid to the firefighters of New York."

Dane climbed in beside him. "I'm glad someone knows you for your charity work as well as your act. People get the impression that some celebrities don't give a shit at all".

"Okay, here we go." said Denis as he drove off slowly.

"You're taking your time." said Dane, as he saw some cars approaching behind and starting to honk their horns at the Clover.

"Well you know how the song goes." Denis said mischievously. Dane smiled as Denis started to sing his signature song.

"I drive really slow in the ultra-fast lane, while people behind me are going insane." Denis sang. "I'm an asshole."

"He's an asshole, such an asshole." Dane sang in harmony.

"I'm an asshole." sang Denis.

"He's the world's biggest asshole." sang Dane.

* * *

In the huge garage of Wayne Manor outside Gotham City, Batman and Wonder Woman walked up to a red 1992 Ferrari F40.

"I thought this would be the best car for this year's Cannonball, Diana." Said Batman. "I call it the Infinito."

"Must have been hard picking out a car from your collection, Bruce. But this one does indeed look impressive." Said Wonder Woman.

"I hear my old partner Buffy is entering again this year. It'll be good to catch up on old times. Shall we go?" asked Batman.

"We just have to wait for Wally to show up." Said Wonder Woman.

Both Justice League members heard the whoosh of something coming really fast and turned to see the Flash running at high speed through the front gate of the manor.

He slowed down and came to a halt in front of his two friends.

"Okay, guys. Are we ready to go?" Flash asked.

"Now that you're here we are. I bet if Sonic the Hedgehog is in the race again, you'll want to show him a thing or two." Said Wonder Woman.

"You bet I will." Flash replied. "J'onn's gone ahead to Cannonball Headquarters disguised as a reporter. He'll keep us posted. Barbara's also going to be helping out with security".

"I wonder what the reason she gave her dad for her going away for a few months was." said Wonder Woman

"I'm sure she handled it fine. Let's be on our way." Said Batman as the three piled into the Infinito.

* * *

In the sold-out Madison Square Garden, world famous rock star and film director Rob Zombie took the stage in front of a crowd of screaming fans. The keyboardist of his band started to play the intro of the song. Rob grabbed the mike and said into it "Superstition, fear and jealousy."

The crowd went wild as the drum beat started and the song tore into life. Rob took the mic off the stand and began to sing as the guitars started.

**Dead, I am the one, Exterminating son.**  
**Slipping through the trees, strangling the breeze.**

**Dead I am the sky, watching angels cry.**  
**while they slowly turn, conquering the worm.**

**Dig through the ditches,**  
** and Burn through the witches,**  
** and Slam in the back of my Dragula.**

**Dig through the ditches,**  
** and Burn through the witches,**  
** I slam in the back of my Dragula.**

Rob did a slide across the stage as a spotlight followed his action. Sitting in the front row of the audience watching the concert were his two close friends, wrestling superstar 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin and the giant creature known only as Nemesis. Both were cheering themselves hoarse as Rob began the second verse.

**Dead, I am the pool, spreading from the fool.**  
**Weak and what you need, nowhere as you bleed.**

**Dead I am the rat, feast upon the cat.**  
**Tender is the fur, dying as you purr.**

**Dig through the ditches,**  
** and Burn through the witches,**  
** and Slam in the back of my Dragula.**

**Dig through the ditches,**  
** and Burn through the witches,**  
** and Slam in the back of my Dragula.**

**Do it baby, Do it baby.**  
**Do it baby, Do it baby.**  
**Burn like an animal.**

**Dead, I am the knife, dig into the skin,**  
**Knuckle crack the bone, twenty-one to win,**

**Dead, I am the dog, hound of hell you cry.**  
**Devil on your back, I can never die.**

**Dig through the ditches,**  
** and Burn through the witches,**  
** and Slam in the back of my Dragula.**

**Dig through the ditches**  
** and Burn through the witches**  
** and Slam in the back of my Dragula.**

**Doin' it baby, Doin' it baby.**  
**Doin' it baby, Doin' it baby.**  
**Burn like an animal.**

**Dig through the ditches**  
** and Burn through the witches**  
** and Slam in the back of my Dragula.**

**Dig through the ditches**  
** and Burn through the witches**  
** and Slam in the back of my Dragula.**

**Dig through the ditches**  
** and Burn through the witches**  
** and Slam in the back of my Dragula.**

-"Dragula" by Rob Zombie

The crowd cheered as loud as they could when the song finished.

"Thank you very much, New York!" Rob yelled as he took a bow.

Stone Cold turned to Nemesis.

"Got your backstage pass, bud?" he asked.

Nemesis roared and held up his backstage pass.

"Right. Let's go." Stone Cold said.

Fifteen minutes later...

Rob Zombie lead Stone Cold and Nemesis down a backstage corridor.

"Incredible, isn't it, Steve?" Rob asked Stone Cold. "Two members of our team have played the Garden!"

Nemesis looked a little disheartened.

"Don't worry, bud. You'll have your day someday." Stone Cold said.

"The car's outside. I told my agent I'd be taking a break for a while, so there should be no trouble." Said Rob.

"Hey, do you call the car the Dragula by any chance?" Stone Cold joked.

"Nah, I don't want to get sued by the producers of the Munsters." Rob said, laughing. "I call it the Darkness."

"Very appropriate." replied Stone Cold as the three reached the backstage door.

"The fans think I'm coming out another door." He said. "So we should slip away unnoticed."

Parked not far away from the door was a black 1987 Buick Grand National GNX. This was the Darkness.

"Wow! Nasty looking sumbitch you got there." Stone Cold said.

"Would you expect anything else?" Rob asked.

"HEY!" a voice yelled. "There's Rob Zombie."

The three Cannonballers looked to see a bunch of crazed concert fans heading their way.

"In the car, quick!" Rob yelled as he got into the driver's seat.

Stone Cold and Nemesis quickly climbed in back as the crowd got closer. Rob turned the key and the engine roared to life. Just as the crowd were about to reach them, Rob performed a bootlegger and drove off.

"Okay, this is it!" Stone Cold said.

Nemesis roared in excitement.

* * *

In Tokyo, local rock singer Priss Asagiri mounted a black Kawasaki 900 motorcycle as her friends (and fellow members of vigilante group the Knight Sabers) bade her farewell.

"Okay, here I go, guys. Wish me luck." Priss said.

"Hey, Priss, with the Streetfighter there, you won't need luck." Said Sylia Stingray. "Dr. Raven assured us it's pretty powerful."

"Yeah, and here's hoping you can bring it back in one piece, unlike the bike you used to chase Gibson down". Laughed Nene Romanova.

"We'll all be watching the TV to see how you're doing, Priss." Said Linna Yamakazi. "We're all hoping you can pull off the big win this year."

"Well, I'll do my best." Priss said smiling. She started up the Streetfighter and heard the roar of its' mighty engine and then took off at high speed.

"God-DAMN! What a rush!" she whooped to herself as she raced off.

* * *

In Los Angeles, a black Cadillac STS pulled up in front of a tall building. Two members of a Ukranian gang climbed out and ushered a master thief named Charlie Croker out of the car and into the building.

A few minutes later, the Ukranians led Charlie into the office of their boss, Mashkov. Already there were three other members of his heist crew; Stella Bridger, safecracker and daughter of Charlie's mentor; Lyle, a computer expert who claimed to be the real inventor of Napster; and Left Ear, an explosives expert who lost the hearing in his right ear after a childhood prank. Croker was seated at a long table with Stella.

"So, how'd he get you guys?" asked Charlie.

"They mentioned something about my father." said Stella.

"They got me at a book signing." said Left Ear.

"Computer convention." said Lyle.

"He found me at my place." said Charlie. "I knew better than to refuse."

It was then that Mashkov entered with a bottle of champagne and a pair of bodyguards. "It's nice to see you're all here." he said.

Stella looked over at an empty chair at the end of the table. "Uh, someone's missing." she said. "Where's Handsome Rob?"

"We sent one of our girls to romance him." said Mashkov. "They were last heard from somewhere in the Caribbean."

"Why have you called us here?" asked Charlie.

"We will discus this over champagne." said Mashkov. One of his bodyguards opened a cabinet and took out four glasses. Mashkov poured each one a glass and handed them out. Once Charlie and his crew were drinking, he continued.

"The reason I have brought you all here is because of the Cannonball Run." said Mashkov.

"Oh yeah, we took part a couple of years ago." said Left Ear as he took another sip of champagne.

"It's running again and I would like it if the four of you were to run on my behalf." said Mashkov. "I have gotten you a car which is in the garage. You will receive funding from myself as well as support. Your car will include a cell phone for this."

"What's in it for us?" asked Lyle just before he downed the last of his champagne.

"We will split the prize money you receive in half and you can split your half four ways." said Mashkov as he took out a vial of blue liquid. "You will also each receive one of these."

"What's that?" asked Stella.

"Antidote." said Mashkov.

Charlie got nervous. "To what?" he asked.

"To the poison you just drank." said Mashkov.

Charlie and his crew looked at their empty glasses.

Left Ear slammed his glass onto the table. "Of all the punk-ass..." he said before Charlie reached across the table and steadied him.

"I'm gonna go puke my guts out." said Lyle as he started to get up.

"Don't bother." said Mashkov. "The poison gets into your system very quickly. However, it acts very slowly and you will easily survive the race. The antidote will be given to you at the finish line, win or lose."

"Will there be any side-effects we should know about?" asked Charlie.

"Occasional headaches, mild dizziness, and sensitivity to light at first." said Mashkov. "Later, as time starts to run out, you can expect fatigue, nausea, halucinations, and death."

"And what's for dessert?" asked Lyle.

"Come, you can't complete a race without your equipment." said Mashkov. He led them to the elevator which they took to the garage.

"So, where's this car of ours?" asked Stella.

"It's right over here." said Mashkov as he led them to a yellow Mini Cooper S. "While we were showing our equipment to Steve, he talked about the Los Angeles job, so we got you a car like the ones you used. We call it the Terrific."

"I hope it lives up to it's name." said Charlie.

"It will, I assure you." said Mashkov. "Please, you may go enter the race now. Good luck."

"Says the guy who probably just killed us." said Left Ear as he climbed into the back seat.

"You alright?" asked Charlie as he got into the passenger seat.

"I'm fine." said Stella as she sat in the driver's seat. "As in Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional."

"I'm sure we all are." said Charlie.

* * *

In Los Angeles, the three Angels, Dylan Sanders, Alex Munday and Natalie Cook sat in front of the white speaker.

"Good morning, Angels." Said Charlie's voice from the speaker.

"Good morning, Charlie." The Angels chorused.

"Well, here we are again. A new year, and a new Cannonball about to begin." Said Charlie. "You no doubt know that I wish you girls to enter. You'll be pleased to know that this year, you will be joined by a top agent from the organisation CONTROL. Here she is now".

A dark-haired woman in a white blouse, white leather jacket and black skirt entered.

"So, these are the illustrious Charlie's Angels then. Pleased to meet you all. You may call me 99." she said.

"THE Agent 99." said Natalie in awe. "Your undercover skills are legendary.".

"As are yours." 99 replied. "This little soiree we're going on should be interesting."

"Indeed yes" Said Charlie. "The Cannonball is the best fun you're ever gonna get, as far as my Angels are concerned."

"I hope that we can actually win for once." said Natalie. "We always seem to come close to pulling off the big win but come up short.".

"Any idea why?" asked 99.

"Well, we've looked over our previous runs and analysed the data." said Alex. "And I personally came to an unmistakable conclusion." She then smirked and said "It's Dylan's fault."

"Aw, bite me." said Dylan as she jokingly gave Alex the finger.

"So what kind of car do we have this year, Charlie?" asked Natalie.

"It's a nice little number I call the Detector." Said Charlie. "You'll see it parked outside."

Dylan went and looked out the window to see a white 2006 Dodge Charger.

"Wow! Those are some serious wheels. You sure you want to risk damaging that baby, Charlie?" she said.

"I understood most of the damage done in the Cannonball is to police vehicles." Charlie said. "The arrangement remains the same as far as the prize money goes. If you win, a portion of the money will go to charity, and the rest you can split between yourselvezs."

"Okay then." Said 99. "Ready to go, Angels?"

"YEAH!" all three chorused.

"Then let's haul ass!" she said as they exited the mansion.

* * *

In a secret base under the San Gabriel Mountains, MASK 2 leader Jeremy Sanchez addressed three of his agents.

"I ran your request by my superiors." he said. "They agree with me that you three have been working hard on the case and you could probably use a nice vacation."

"It's about bloody time." said one of the agents, Irish helicopter pilot Liam O'Grady. "I can only take so much of this high stakes combat."

"I'm well aware of your intentions to enter the Cannonball." said Jeremy. "I assume you're taking the Maniac?"

"Yeah, but the race officials said we had to rename it Maniac 2 for the race." said one of the other agents, infiltration expert and Liam's cousin Max O'Grady. "Apparently, there was another car called the Maniac in a previous race."

"Enzo, how does the Maniac look?" asked Jeremy.

Italian mechanic Enzo Castaldi kissed his fingertips and said "Belissimo. She'll run like a Swiss watch and look as nice as the Swiss Alps."

"Good to hear that." said Jeremy. "So, we've decided to let you guys take part in the Cannonball. I hope you don't mind if you represent MASK 2 in the race."

"Sure, no problem." said the third agent, field medic and Max's wife Laura Kennedy. "We're still racing, aren't we?"

"Of course." said Jeremy. "That's all. Good luck, you guys."

Max, Liam, and Laura walked out to the garage where the Maniac 2 was parked. It was a red Acura RSX Type-S with a carbon fiber spoiler, Veilside body kit, O.Z. rims, and side graphics of a yellow sunburst.

"Well, let's show the Cannonballers what MASK 2 can do." said Laura.

"Hey, Liam." said Max. "Didn't the original MASK team take part in the Cannonball two years ago?"

"Aye, but they were on special assignment." said Liam. "They were searching out who sold the designs of their vehicles to the Cannonballers two years earlier."

"I kinda wish we had an assignment like that." said Laura. "You know, just to add some excitement."

"Yeah, like we need more excitement." said Max.

Jeremy and Enzo watched them get into the car and take off.

"Did you install the scanner?" asked Jeremy.

"Si, si." said Enzo. "It should detect any infectees during the race course. One question, though: why didn't you tell them?"

"You know Max." said Jeremy. "If we told him he was on a secret mission, he'd just go out and look for danger."

* * *

Outside Nintendo HQ, the Mario brothers, Mario and Luigi stood beside a red Alfa Romeo 166 2.5 V6 24V.

"So, once again we team up with Sonic, eh paisano?" Luigi asked Mario.

"Si, si. He was a great help last year. Besides, when he saved us from being taken over by aliens two years ago, he moved up several notches in my opinion." Said Mario.

Luigi nudged Mario. "Here-a he comes."

Mario looked to see Sonic the Hedgehog and his best friend Miles 'Tails' Prower approaching.

"Hey, Mario." Said Sonic. "Is that our car for this year?".

"You betcha." Said Mario. "One of the finest Italian cars ever produced.".

"So what do you call her?" asked Tails.

"She's called the Doomsayer." Said Luigi.

Sonic whistled. "Well, I'd love to see if we can actually win this time."

"I have little doubt that we will." Said Mario. "Let's-a go!"

* * *

At a used car dealership somewhere, a salesman showed a Toyota Echo to the Los Angeles street racer known as Dice.

"This is a nice, little, economical number. If you're looking for variety, we have four hundred of these." said the salesman.

"I don't know." said Dice. "We don't want anything too popular."

"It's not popular. We have four hundred of them." said the salesman.

Another salesman showed a Ford SUV to the Parisian model turned street racer known as Parfait.

"Is this a Bronco?" she asked.

"No, the Bronco's been discontinued." said the salesman. "We're trying to get away from that whole fugitive-on-the-run thing. This is called the Escape."

"It's a little small." said Parfait.

Another street racer, a former Russian war hero named Savo, watched the two of them. Dice and Parfait walked over to him.

"Any luck?" asked Savo.

"None." said Dice.

"You had to pick this car lot." said Parfait.

"They had a Mustang last week." said Savo. "You should've seen it. You could hump that hood."

"If the three of you would just come with me into my office," said the salesman "I can probably help you find a vehicle."

"Maybe we shouldn't enter the Cannonball after all." said Parfait.

"No, we have to prove that we've still got it as street racers." said Savo.

"And I have to prove that Dominic Toretto is not the king of L.A. like he thinks." said Dice. "He stole that title from me."

"Mr. Salesman, that is a nice jacket." said Parfait. "Where can I get one?"

"Oh, we're giving them away with these." said the salesman as he pointed to a blue Subaru Impreza WRX STi. "Yeah, we have to throw in these little incentives. These high-end cars don't sell very well. The car's a ticket magnet, it goes through tires like nothing, insurance premiums are murder."

"We'll take it." said Savo.

Within minutes, the three were in the Subaru and heading for their garage.

"I don't see what's so bad about this car." said Dice. "It seems fine to me."

"Just wait until we get it to our garage." said Savo. "I've got some ideas for it."

"Are we going to name it?" asked Parfait. "Most cars entered in the Cannonball have code names."

"Yeah, we probably should." said Dice.

"Parfait, why don't you do the honors?" asked Savo.

"Mais Oui." said Parfait. "I shall dub it...le Ecureil."

"What does that mean?" asked Dice.

"Squirrel." said Savo. "Nice."

* * *

At the port of Los Angeles, street racer Trikz Lane pulled into a warehouse in his tricked out Nissan 240SX. His longtime friend Ty Malix was in the passenger seat.

"Looks like the Harbinger is still running well." said Ty. "Guess she's ready for the Cannonball."

"That's good." said Trikz. "Now, where's our passenger?"

"Passenger?" asked Ty. "Hold up, you didn't say anything about a passenger! We're doing this alone, that was the deal! The last thing we need is someone with us goin' yack, yack, yack! Talking talking talking! Throw my timing right off!"

"Hey, there she is." said Trikz as a taxi pulled up.

"She who?" asked Ty.

"Our passenger, Lana." said Trikz.

"Lana?" asked Ty. "Mind you, another person in the car would be company."

Lana Davis, ex-girlfriend of ex-street racing king Lidell Rey, climbed out of the taxi. She paid the driver and walked over to the Harbinger.

"Hey, Lana." said Trikz.

"Hey, Trikz. Hey, Ty." said Lana. "We doin' this?"

"You bet." said Trikz.

"How you livin', girl?" asked Ty.

"Well." said Lana. "Let's go."

"Hold it." said Trikz. "We can't get out of here yet. A couple of ships are docking."

On one of the ships, the Japanese freighter Kobayashi, street racers Takumi Fujiwari and Keisuke Takahashi, a.k.a. K.T, hurredly unpacked a shipping container.

"Quickly, Takumi." said K.T. "The captain will be by soon and he'll see us."

"I thought you paid him off." said Takumi.

"I paid off a dockhand." said K.T. "The captain wasn't in on it. He doesn't know the Reaper wasn't part of his car shipment."

They got the container open and revealed a yellow Mazda RX-8.

"She looks nice, but can she handle the Cannonball?" asked Takumi.

"Just watch. She was tuned by the Akagi Red Suns." said K.T.

"Okay, you're driving if you have so much faith in your team." said Takumi.

On the other ship, the NUMA (National Underwater and Marine Agency) salvage ship Martha Anne, several crew members gathered around a map.

"Okay, the Hornblower was carrying a lost treasure when it went down." said one crew member, Rudi Gunn. "Supposedly, this treasure is cursed and that's what caused the Hornblower to sink. However, the curse can be countered by installing a few artifacts into the treasure. Unfortunately, these artifacts are scattered around the world."

"And that's why we have to enter the Cannonball." said another crew member, Al Giordino. "These artifacts are all on the race route and we can find them under the guise of competing in the race."

"I don't get it." said another crew member. "You guys say there's a curse that sank this vessel and you have to retrieve these artifacts to prevent it from sinking us. I never really thought you guys subscribed to superstition."

"Well, we figured better safe than sorry."

Everyone turned to the doorway to see who said that. It turned out to be one of the ship's most prominent recovery experts, NUMA Special Projects Director Dirk Pitt.

"Besides, you know we love a good scavenger hunt." he continued.

"So, we're in the race, then?" asked Giordino.

"We are." said Pitt. "We're almost to L.A, then it's off to Las Venturas."

"I'm coming too, right?" asked Gunn.

"You'd better be." said the man in charge of the vessel, Admiral Jim Sandecker. "I need someone to keep these two on track."

"No problem, sir." said Pitt. "I trust you're providing us with a car?"

"It's right this way." said Sandecker. He led them to the deck. "Dirk, I know how much you like classic cars, but I decided to lend you my newest car for this mission."

He showed them a white 2004 Pontiac GTO.

"Wow, that looks nice." said Giordino as he started to store his gear in the trunk.

"As you know, many cars in the Cannonball have code names." said Sandecker. "So, I decided to go through the trouble of naming it for you."

"Really? Thanks." said Pitt.

"I didn't do it out of the kindness of my heart." said Sandecker. "I did it to remind you not to pull any crazy stunts at my expense. I called it the Panama."

"Riiiight." said Giordino uncomfortably.

"So, we're good to go." said Pitt.

"Good luck, you guys." said Sandecker.

The Kobayashi and Martha Anne docked and the cars parked on them drove off.

"That's our cue." said Trikz. He put the Harbinger into gear and drove out of the shipyard with the Reaper and the Panama right behind him.

* * *

In Bannerman Road, London, the mysterious time traveler known as The Doctor walked with his companions Amy Pond and her husband Rory Williams, towards an orange 2007 Jaguar XK.

"So this is the vehicle that you picked up for the race?" asked Amy.

"That's right." Said the Doctor. "I call it the Firestorm. As you can see, it's a great British car. I made a few modifications to it, of course."

"Yeah, it looks pretty fast." said Rory. "Are you still sure you wanna do this?".

"Absolutely. The Cannonball Run Worldwide is a great historical event. I'll be glad to be taking part." the Doctor said enthusiastically.

"I'm surprised you don't already know who wins this year's race." Said Amy , smiling. "After all, you've got a time machine."

"Well I don't want to spoil the surprise. Besides, anything could happen." Said the Doctor. "Well, then, the TARDIS is safe here in London for a while, with Sarah Jane looking after it, so let's go."

"Absolutely." Said Amy as she got in on the passenger side. The Doctor got into the driver's seat. Rory got into the back seat.

Amy noticed a red button on the end of the gear lever.

"Don't tell me. Don't touch the red button, right?" she asked.

"Well not too early in the race anyway, I'd say." The Doctor said mischeviously.

The Doctor started up the Firestorm's engine and it raced off at top speed.

"GERONIMO!". The Doctor yelled as they passed any traffic so fast it became a blur.

* * *

"Well, viewers, that about wraps it up for this show." Space Ghost said to the audience watching his talk show. "Hope you enjoyed this series. Me, Zorak and Moltar will all see you again in a few months' time."

"Cut!" yelled the director.

Space Ghost got up from behind his desk and his two co-hosts, Zorak and Moltar approached him.

"So, guys. Now that there's a break in our schedule, are you ready for the race?" he asked.

"You bet we are!" said Moltar.

"Yeah, and hopefully you can keep yourself from being a jerk throughout the damn race!" said Zorak.

Space Ghost looked a little uncomfortable. "Look, Zorak, I told you. I'm much more of a people person now. Besides, we'll all get an even cut of the money if we win."

"So come on, guys! Let's go!" said Moltar.

Space Ghost led his friends into the space station's cargo bay, towards a black Infiniti FX45.

"So this is the Bionic Cheetah, huh?" asked Zorak.

"Of course." Said Space Ghost. "I told the car salesman I'd take only the best."

"So, can you drive her?" Asked Moltar.

"Yeah, of course!" said Space Ghost. "I took her for a couple of test drives before I brought her here."

"Would that by any chance have anything to do with the police chase through New York's Chinatown we heard about yesterday?" asked Zorak.

Space Ghost looked uncomfortable again but this time said "Zorak, you really shouldn't mumble when you talk, okay? Come on, time's a-wasting."

* * *

Somewhere unknown, professional skateboarders Tony Hawk and Bam Margera entered a basement.

"Who called you?" asked Bam.

"I don't know." said Tony. "My invite was unsigned."

"So was mine." said Bam.

"Are you sure this is the place?" asked Tony.

"Address on the invite matches." said Bam.

They descended a staircase and found small garage. In it was a '66 Pontiac GTO with black paint and a red and orange flame job.

"Hey, check that out." said Bam.

"Yeah, who did this car?" asked Tony.

"Someone good it looks like." said Bam. "Hey, I just figured it out."

"Yeah? What's that?" asked Tony.

"You know the Cannonball?" asked Bam as a large being in black leather stalked up behind them.

"Yeah, the race they run around the world every year." said Tony. "It's about that time again, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is." said Bam. "Someone must have sent those invites to put together a Cannonball team."

"Who do you think it was?" asked Tony. "Someone from the Gumball?"

"Maybe." said Bam. "Adrien Brody? Jodie Kidd? Kim Schmitz?"

"Getting warmer." said the being.

Bam and Tony turned around and screamed when they saw him. A second later, they recognized him.

"It's Torquenstein." said Tony.

"I see you remember me." said Torquenstein.

"How can I forget?" asked Tony. "I saw what was left of your Viper after the 2004 Gumball. I still can't believe you survived that."

"My cybernetic parts were built with durability in mind." said Torquenstein. "You should be surprised my passenger wasn't even hurt."

"I am." said Bam. "Rob Dyrdek told me about the wreck. He and his bodyguard Big Black saw the whole thing."

"And I applaud him for his assistance." said Torquenstein. "So, do you like the car?"

"Yeah, it's nice." said Bam. "It looks hot."

"Thank you." said Torquenstein. "I thought I would let you two name it."

"I got it. The Tempest." said Tony.

"The Tempest. I like it." said Torquenstein.

"I get it." said Bam. "The original GTO was based off of the Tempest. Good choice."

"Then, gentlemen." said Torquenstein. "Let's be off."

* * *

Somewhere in Virginia, a black man in his sixties stood in the parking lot of a shopping mall which had closed for the night. Next to him was a car covered by a tarp.

A young man rode up to him on a mountain bike and stopped. "Captain Pierce, what's going on here?" he asked. "Why did you ask me to come?"

"Jerry, have you heard of the Cannonball Run?" asked Captain Pierce.

"I have." said Jerry. "Why do you ask?"

"I have entered it." said Pierce. "I realized I was going to need a halfway decent co-driver for this event and I remembered you."

"Or what's left of me." said Jerry.

"Don't say that." said Pierce. "I looked into your history. You used to be a great driver. You might not have won a race, but you did finish strongly."

"Never finished last." said Jerry. "You want me to join you, I see. Sorry, but I don't think I'm the man you want. Jerry the race car driver died in that accident."

"Then, who am I talking to?" asked Pierce.

"I don't know yet!" said Jerry. "All I know is that I no longer have the drive to...well, drive."

"Maybe this will change your mind." said Pierce as he walked over to the car. He pulled off the tarp and revealed the car to be a white '69 Oldsmobile 442 with gold stripes.

"Whoa." said Jerry. "That looks like mine."

"That is yours." said Pierce.

"What?" said Jerry. "No, that can't be mine. I wrapped that thing around a telephone pole."

"While you were in the hospital recuperating, I was bringing this thing back from the dead." said Pierce.

"Wow, even with a steady job?" asked Jerry.

"Actually, I don't work anymore." said Pierce. "The night I came upon your wreck, I was on my way home from my retirement dinner. I have some free time now. Can you spare some yourself?"

"I'm going to have to take a spin to get reaquainted." said Jerry.

"Then, let's go." said Pierce.

He and Jerry got into the 442.

"For the Cannonball, many teams have given code names to their cars." said Pierce. "Do you have a name for this one?"

"I think we'll name it after my favorite rock band: Primus." said Jerry.

"The Primus it is." said Pierce.

"So, what do you want me to do?" asked Jerry.

"The access road for the mall runs all around it." said Pierce. "I think you should take a lap around the mall at high speed."

"Around the mall?" asked Jerry.

"Go ahead." said Pierce. "Don't worry about going too fast. I've seen some squirrelly things in my career. You're not going to scare me."

"Okay." said Jerry.

"I think Target will mark the start and finish." said Pierce.

Jerry started the car, then drove it over to the corner by Target. He then floored the accelerator and took off like a shot. He raced up a hill and eased the wheel to the left to make a turn.

Jerry blazed past the empty parking lots and raced down the next hill. A speed bump lay ahead of him.

"Speed bump." said Pierce. "Speed bump! SPEED BUMP!"

Jerry hit the speed bump and sent his car flying. He made a hard landing, then continued down the hill and past one of the entrances to the mall.

He then tore along the access road and crested another hill. He kept it going towards the next entrance to the mall and raced under the traffic light. He then roared through another turn and continued on to the next parking lot.

He soon found himself back in the lot where he met with Pierce. He raced down the hill, passed the corner where he started, and brought the car to a stop.

"Yeah, you brought her back from the dead alright." said Jerry as he climbed out. "And you brought me with it."

He then noticed Pierce trying to catch his breath.

"Are you alright?" asked Jerry.

"Remember when I said you wouldn't scare me?" asked Pierce.

"Yeah." said Jerry.

"I was wrong." said Pierce.

* * *

Casey Rhodes drove a fiery red '79 Pontiac Firebird with a supercharger up to the Hartford residence. Beside him was Nick Russell from Briarwood, California.

"So you were the first Ranger team to race in the Cannonball?" Nick asked.

"Yep and afterward, we had to stop Dai Shi." Casey said. "It's a good thing I was able to find temporary Senseis for the Pai Zhuq Academy."

"It's the two former enemies isn't it?"

"Yes... Yes it is. But Jarrod and Camille are good people now. Though they learned how to go back into their armored forms. Which really doesn't bother me. Hopefully they can summon their Spirit Zords if we need the help."

"Good luck with that. But with my team, we've had some evil magic user come along. Some guy name Lord Voldemort tried to destroy Brairwood. We managed to chase him away with the Manticore Megazord."

"I heard that Voldemort guy was trying to kill the non magic users in the United Kingdom. In fact the guy and his cronies tried to kill Harry Potter from last years Team Hogwarts." Casey said. "Harry told us through a e-mail that the spell used by Voldemort bounced off of Harry and killed Voldemort. Talk about ironic."

They finally pulled up and Mackenzie "Mack" Hartford placed his stuff in the trunk of the car, before climbing in himself.

"Hey guys. Thanks for inviting me."

"Don't mention it." Nick said. "Anyway this is the Red Fury. I hope this baby will win us that prize money."

"One can only hope." Casey muttered, remembering last year's Cannonball Run with his fellow Rangers.

* * *

In his HQ, Banner had finished handing out the remainder of the vehicles to his agents.

"Alright." he said. "As you know, Bullock and Montoya get the Jawbreaker. Willenholly and Amos get the Nightcrawler."

He pointed out a red Pagani Zonda as he said that.

"Coltrane and the Justices get the Aggressor". he added as he pointed to an orange '98 Toyota Supra.

"And Bender and I get the Starbreaker." he finished as he pointed out a silver Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren.

"And I already brought my own wheels." said VIctoria as she walked towards a blue 1970 Chevrolet Chevelle 454.

"What do you call that machine again?" asked Roscoe.

"The Evenflow." replied Victoria.

"OKay, chit-chat time is over. Let's get going. The sooner we get these wheels on the road, the sooner we can start protecting it from those miscreant Cannonballers". Banner said,as all his officers headed to their cars.

* * *

And so, with all the teams ready to start, and all the cops waiting to catch them in the act, the beginning of the latest worldwide Cannonball Run was imminent.

**Are you ever gonna push me, let me run and let me do?**  
**I need it and I'm ready and I haven't got a clue.**

**Not any track is turning but The Race is in my head.**  
**I'm attacking the illusion but the stopping drives me mad.**

**Time is running out and the illusion fades away.**  
** Time is running out, another day is on its way.**

**On the fast lane of the street I'm driving.**  
**Sometimes, somewhere, I'm arriving.**  
**Every day and every night.**

**Another day is ready, coming up, I'm driving mad.**  
**'cause I haven't got the notion and the pull, I need it bad.**  
**(Got no brake, got no brake, got no brake!)**

**Another sun was shining and he knew he wasn't great.**  
**He didn't ever talk about, he knew he couldn't wait.**

**Are you ever gonna push me, let me run and let me do?**  
**I need it and I'm ready and I haven't got a clue.**

**Not any track is turning but The Race is in my head.**  
**I'm attacking the illusion but the stopping drives me mad.**

"The Race" by Yello.

AN:There you have it. All the racers introduced. Please R & R and watch this space for the pre-race party.


	3. Let's Go Crazy

CANNONBALL RUN 7: HIGH SPEED HEROES

By BKelly 95 and the Turbo Man.

CHAPTER THREE: "Let's Go Crazy".

DISCLAIMER: The usual.

* * *

Somewhere out in the desert near Las Venturas was a small ghost town by the name of Las Brujas. It was here that the four mobile assassin hired by Lester congregated.

"Tonight's the pre-race party according to the intelligence that the Foyts were able to give us." Charger said. "Tomorrow they actually start racing. The Foyts and Lidell are going to the Four Dragons to gather intelligence."

"Great idea, but I thought we agreed that we'd try to see how good the Cannonballers are on the road, just to see what we're up against." Said AMX.

"Don't worry." Said Stingray as she headed for her car. "I'm going out on the road now. Hopefully I'll find me a Cannonballer."

"Do you know what to look for?" asked Camaro.

"Sure. Some moron driving very fast and very recklessly." Stingray laughed as she got into her car, put on her helmet and drove off out of town.

"I'll contact Mastermind to let him know we've arrived." Said Camaro as he approached a small shack.

High up, on a mountain overlooking the town, a silver Dodge Super 8 Hemi was parked, observing the villains' camp.

A pair of binoculars pulled back into the car and the window rolled up.

"Let's make the call tonight." said one of the five mysterious men in the car.

Down below, in the town, Camaro had contacted Lester on a CB radio.

"Mastermind, we are now in San Andreas, not too far from the starting line. Stingray has gone out to try and find a Cannonballer. What are your orders?" he asked.

"Hold your position for now." Lester replied. "I'll check in with Big Boss to check the status of his agents."

* * *

Lester picked up his cell phone and dialled Big Boss' number. After a few seconds he answered.

"Big Boss, it's Lester." He said. "Have you sent your agents into the field?"

"Only the Foyts and Lidell." Said Big Boss. "Turbo, McBoomBoom, and Toulour will go into action when the race starts."

"Where are the Foyts and Lidell now?" asked Lester.

"In Las Venturas as we speak. You'll be pleased to know that the Foyts are going to try and gather info that will help your plan to spring your employer from jail." Said Big Boss.

"The deuce you say." Said Lester.

"I never kid, limey!" snapped Big Boss.

Mr. Chairman quickly grabbed the phone from Big Boss and said. "Careful! We don't want to piss him off! One bad report about us to DeMarco and we can kiss our share of the money goodbye!"

Mr. Chairman then spoke into the phone.

"We are being very serious, Lester." He said. "You see, our spies have confirmed that George Bluth Sr, a former Orange County inmate and ironically, head of the construction company that built the prison is on his way to Las Venturas as we speak. Apparently, two of his sons are going to be racing and the Cannonball hosts extended an invitation to him to watch the race from the hotel."

"So, I take it that the Foyts are going to pump him for information?" said Lester.

"Absolutely. After they're done with Bluth, they will go out on the road to aid your agents. Lidell is with them just to scope out the racers. We warned him to be careful in case his old rival Mr. Lane sees him." Said Mr. Chairman.

"Right. I'll contact you again later. Good luck with your plans." Said Lester.

"Likewise." Said Mr. Chairman as he hung up.

* * *

In Las Venturas, the Four Dragons casino got ready to welcome the racers who had gathered from all over the world for the Cannonball Run.

At this moment though, a silver 1992 Jaguar XJ220 and a black 1970 Chevy Nova drove down the main strip.

In the Jaguar, named the Tygrus, were Alice and Janice Foyt. Lidell drove the Nova, named the Brigand.

"Alright. Here we are. The Four Dragons." Said Alice.

"So, just sneak in the back way?" Janice asked.

"That would be the wise choice as the race organisers know about us." Said Alice.

"Hey, I agree with you. I don't want Lane to see me until it's the right time." Said Lidell.

"Hold on, who's that coming?" Janice asked.

They looked and saw the Silver Bullet drive into the parking lot of the Casino, and watched Lone Wolf exit the car.

"It's that blasted agent of Mr. X's." Alice hissed. "How they manage to twist law-abiding citizens around their little fingers, I'll never know."

"Look there." Said Lidell as a black and white police car and a blue police motorcycle also pulled into the parking lot. Bulletproof, Hardtop and Bullseye got out of the black and white while Highway got off the motorcycle.

"That's Baldwin P. Vess." Said Lidell. "He's the leader of Empire City's Central Organisation of Police Specialists! And those guys with him are his top vehicle officers."

"C.O.P.S.?" Alice said in disgust. "I thought they were the best at what they did, but now they aid the Cannonballers! What in God's name is the world coming to?"

"Easy, mom. We'll show them all that, despite who we team up with, we do our best to bring justice to lawbreakers." Said Janice.

Alice smiled. "I knew I could count on you, darling."

Inside the Four Dragons, Lone Wolf was greeted by Brock, Mr. X and Richard.

"Guys! Great to see you all again." He said as he shook each of their hands.

"And you too, Lone Wolf." Said Brock. "You did a great job in the race two years ago, so we thought we could use your help again."

"So, how's that rather exotic girlfriend of yours?" asked Mr. X.

"Mitzi's fine. So, when do the racers get here?" asked Lone Wolf.

"They should mostly be in San Andreas right now." Said Mr. X. "You'll be working with a partner this year, Lone Wolf. He should be here now."

"Yes, here they are." Said Brock as the C.O.P.S. representatives entered and approached them.

"Mr. Yates?" Bulletproof asked as he extended his hand. "Federal Agent Vess at your service."

"Pleased to meet you, Agent Vess." Said Brock. "So which one is Officer Hardtop?"

"That's me." Said Hardtop as he stepped forward.

"I'd like to introduce you to your partner for the race. The Lone Wolf." Said Mr. X.

Lone Wolf shook Hardtop's hand. "I'm sure together we'll be a perfect protection team for the Cannonballers." He said.

"I hope so." Replied Hardtop.

"You'll have us to back you up." Said Highway.

"That's right." Said Bullseye.

"I know. And some of the previous Cannonballers who are involved in law enforcement stepped up to provide protection." Said Mr. X. "They'll be arriving later. But for now, I'll show you guys to your rooms."

* * *

At the villains' HQ, another member of Big Boss' criminal empire had just arrived. It was the notorious evil scientist Dr. Percy Cranial, known to his associates as Dr. Badvibes.

"Greetings, Big Boss." he said. "I've acquired that technological help you asked for our Cannonball plan."

"So, you really managed to get your hands on the plans for those androids made by the Foxes?" asked Big Boss.

"Yes, indeed." replied Badvibes. "I have prepared one hundred battalions of them. There are two battalions outside right now."

Big Boss and his associates followed Badvibes outside and saw about fifty humanoid figures dressed in black leather body suits and full face racing helmets with the visors closed.

"So these are the famous WASP droids." said Mr. Chairman.

"Exactly." said Badvibes. "Loyal, lethal and relentless. I obtained the plans for their 'Rat' motorcycles too, although they have been programmed so that they can drive pretty much anything with wheels, and a few things without.".

"Well done, Badvibes." said Big Boss. "I guess we should all now group up with those assassins Lester hired in San Andreas.".

"What does he call them again, sir?" asked Squeaky.

"The Killer Cars." sighed Big Boss.

"Killer Cars?" said Turbo. "Is the guy a Monty Python nut or something?"

"Probably. After all, he IS English." said Buttons.

"Actually he called them that because they are assassins and their codenames are the models of their cars." said Yuri.

"Well, it still sounds stupid." said Buttons.

"Oh, says the guy who goes by the name of Buttons McBoomBoom." said Toulour.

"Well what about YOU, 'Night Fox'?" said Turbo.

"Enough!" said Yuri. "We must get to the plane now. Before we do, though, there is a pressing matter I must bring up.".

"Oh, what's that?" asked Mr. Chairman.

"As you may have heard, there are now two specially powered masks worn by two selected Cannonballers." Yuri said. "The first is the Captain Chaos mask. The second is the Captain Fury mask. However, as fortune would have it, there is a third mask which can counteract the powers of Chaos and Fury.".

"I know what you mean." Squeaky announced. "The Total Anarchy mask. The one that was possessed by the ping pong master Feng in last year's race. It apparently saved his life before last year when Randy Daytona tried to kill him.".

"I see what you're getting at Yuri." said Mr. Chairman. "We should get our hands on it.".

"Exactly. It was lost somewhere in Oregon last year." said Yuri.

Big Boss turned to Badvibes and said "After we've done the tune-up of our anti-race vehicles at the start of the race, I want you to take a battalion of Wasps and search for the Total Anarchy mask. It can be done with their enhanced senses, can't it?"

Badvibes smiled. "Indeed it can."

"Okay, so let's go!" said Turbo. "I can't wait to kick some ass!".

"Then, to the plane it is!" said Toulour.

* * *

About twenty miles away from Las Venturas, a prison road crew dug a ditch by the side of the road.

The head officer climbed out of his cruiser and observed them.

"Okay, put your backs into it!" he yelled. "Unlike you guys, I ain't got plenty of time!"

Three twentysomething girls on the crew glared at him. They were former jewel thieves known as Sissy, Chrissy, and Missy.

"What a slave driver." said Chrissy. "I think he'd die of boredom if he didn't have anyone to order around."

"Hey relax, Chris." Said Missy. "I'll make you feel better later tonight."

"I'm not in the mood right now." Replied Chrissy as she resumed digging.

"I'd love to get my hands on that two-faced bitch Justice!" said Sissy. "And those two stoner freaks who got us sent up!"

"Okay! Take five!" the head officer called out. The crew stopped digging and climbed out of the ditch to sit down.

As Sissy and her cohorts sat down, they heard the roar of an engine, and looked to see the Falcon driving past. All three of them froze when they noticed Jay and Silent Bob sitting in the back seat.

"Son of a bitch!" said Chrissy. "That was them!"

"Ask and ye shall receive!" said Sissy. "I say we go after them!"

"How?" whispered Chrissy.

"Hang on. I've got an idea" said Missy.

Missy quickly grabbed her stomach and started moaning.

"What's going on here?" asked the head officer.

"She just started feeling sick." said Sissy. "I don't know what's wrong with her."

"Let me check her out." said the head officer. "I can't have you getting sick on me now. This ditch isn't finished yet."

"No, but you are." said Chrissy. She quickly drove her fists into the man's chest and knocked him onto his back.

Sissy jumped on him and hit him in the groin. She then took his keys.

"I knew I shouldn't have turned down backup." he groaned.

Sissy quickly undid her cuffs, then those of Chrissy and Missy.

"I've got his car keys." said Missy. "We can then use it to go after those two burnouts."

The three girls ran for the cruiser and got in. As the head officer got to his feet, Sissy started the engine and drove off at high speed. She stuck her finger out the window and flipped the bird to the head officer.

* * *

Not too far away, a young black man, known to his friends as Shorty, drove along in his car, smoking a joint.

Suddenly, there was a bright flash of light and the Road Lord appeared near him, causing him to swerve to avoid hitting it.

As Shorty brought his car to a stop, the Thunder and the Juice appeared too.

"Well, guys. Here we are." Said Mason. "We're about ten miles outside of Las Venturas."

"Roger that, Mason." Said Gunny in the Thunder. "Well, let's go."

Shorty had stopped his car and marched over to the Road Lord and knocked on its' window.

"Hey, man!" he yelled. "Why don't you watch what you're doing? You nearly made me crash back there!"

"Hey, sorry. But when you cross between different dimensions, it's always risky." Said Mason.

"Hey, junkie, we're in a hurry, so why don't you take yourself off." Said General Warwick.

"Just one thing." Said Shorty as he took the joint out of his mouth. "Did you guys say you came from another dimension?"

"That's right." Said Coach Knox.

Shorty smiled and looked at his joint in amazement.

"Whoa! This is some GOOD shit!". He said.

Mason and his friends rolled their eyes and drove off.

* * *

In a small town further up the road, the Supernova XS had stopped at a gas station to refuel. While Marcus pumped, Nick was inside the store paying for the gas. Nick exited the shop as Marcus stopped pumping and hung up the pump nozzle.

Both men heard the sound of a high-powered engine and looked.

The Sorcerer roared past the gas station.

"I'll be damned!" Said Nick. "It's Tanner. He still owes us that 500 bucks!"

"Get in then! I'll drive!" Said Marcus as he got into the driver's seat.

As Nick got in on the passenger side, Marcus peeled out and took off after the Sorcerer.

Tanner looked in his mirror and saw the Supernova XS coming up behind them.

"Oh, shit!" said Tanner as he put his foot down. The Sorcerer sped off with the Supernova XS snapping at its' heels.

Down the road...

The Black Knight cruised along, with Max driving.

"This car handles like a dream." he said to Jake. "We should be in Venturas in about half an hour."

"How about a little music?" asked Jake as he turned on the car's radio.

A song started playing on the radio.

"Ah, this is one of my favourites." said Jake.

**Into your head.**  
**Into your mind.**

**Out of your soul.**  
**Race through your veins.**

**You can't escape.**  
**You can't escape.**

"This is good. What's it called?" asked Max.

"Rush." replied Jake. He looked in the rear view mirror.

"Very appropriate considering what I'm seeing." he added.

"What?" asked Max.

Suddenly, both the Sorcerer and the Supernova XS swerved around the Black Knight and roared on down the road.

**Into your life.**  
**Into your dreams,**  
**Out of the dark.**  
**Sunlight again.**

**You can't explain You can't explain.**

"If I was still a cop, I'd probably take off after those two." said Max.

"Nah, let them be. They'll get where they're going in one piece. I hope." said Jake.

The Supernova XS tried to pass the Sorcerer but Tanner cut him off. The two cars turned round a corner and narrowly avoided hitting each other.

"Come on, Tanner! Lose this guy!" Tobias yelled.

"I'm trying!" Tanner replied.

Tanner saw a white Cadillac coming down the road the opposite way and swerved around it quickly. This caused the Cadillac's driver to wobble a bit on the road. The Supernova XS steered to the side of the road and passed the Cadillac, narrowly avoiding a collision.

**Can You feel it?**  
**Can you feel it,**  
**Rushin' through your hair,**  
**Rushin' through your head.**

**Can you feel it?**  
**Can you feel it?**

**Don't let nobody tell you your life is over,**  
**Be every color that you are,**  
**Into the rush now,**  
**You don't have to know how,**

**Know it all before you try.**

Both cars turned another sharp corner and passed a blue Corvette Stingray. Little did they know that this was Stingray's car, out on the hunt.

"Mastermind, I have a visual on two possible Cannonballers." she said. "Shall I give chase, over?"

"Alright, but do not take action yet." Lester said over the radio. "Just see what they can do on the road."

"Roger." she replied.

The Sorcerer and Supernova XS tore into the next town and the Sorcerer quickly turned around a truck as it pulled into the cars' path. The Supernova and Stingray had to wait for the truck to pass before they could continue pursuit.

**Pulling you in.**  
**Spinning you 'round.**  
**Lifting your feet.**  
**Right off the ground,**

**You can't believe.**  
**It's happening now.**

**Can You feel it?**  
** Can you feel it?**  
** Rushin' through your hair,**  
**Rushin' through your head,**

**Can you feel it?**  
** Can you feel it?**

The Supernova and the Stingray continued their pursuit after the truck moved out of the way.

"Who's that in the 'Vette?" asked Nick.

"Probably another racer. But never mind that now. We've gotta catch Tanner!" said Marcus as he sped after the Sorcerer which had already exited the town.

**Don't let nobody tell you your life is over,**  
**Be every color that you are,**  
**Into the rush now,**  
**You don't have to know how,**

**Know it all before you try.**

**It takes you to another place,**  
**imagine everything you can.**  
**All the colors start to blend,**  
**Your system overloads again.**

**Can you feel it?**

The Sorcerer quickly turned off the interstate and drove into the desert.

"Are you sure this will be a good shortcut?" asked Tanner.

"Sure, and those guys are now so far behind they'll never guess we went this way." replied Tobias.

The Sorcerer roared off into the desert, heading towards Las Venturas.

Back on the highway, Marcus and Nick looked for Tanner, to no avail.

"Looks like we lost him." said Nick.

"Yeah, for now anyway." replied Marcus.

Suddenly, the Stingray shot past them.

"Catch me if you can." said Stingray.

"I think we should teach that guy a lesson." said Marcus as he took off after the Stingray.

**Don't let nobody tell you your life is over,**  
**Be every color that you are,**  
**Into the rush now,**  
**You don't have to know how,**

**Know it all before you try.**

**Don't let nobody tell you - yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.**  
**Don't let nobody tell you - yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.**

As the Supernova sped up to catch up with Stingray, she hit her nitrous oxide and shot forward at great speed, and when she got far enough ahead, she turned and went up a high road, disappearing from Nick and Marcus' sight.

**Don't let nobody tell you your life is over,**  
**Be every color that you are,**  
**Give into the rush now,**  
**You don't have to know how,**

**Know it all before you'll try.**

**Yeah-e,yeah-e,yeah-e,yeah yeah-e,yeah-e,yeah-e,yeah.**

"Rush" by Aly and A.J.

"Damn! I sure as hell hope we'll get some nitrous fitted in before the race if that's our competition!" said Marcus.

"Well, for now try and find that shifty bastard Tanner." said Nick.

Stingray parked her car on an overlook and spoke into her CB.

"These Cannonballers are pretty tough. But not impossible to outsmart." she said. "They've got a lot of guts."

"Yeah. That makes it all the more a shame that we have to waste 'em." replied Camaro over the radio.

* * *

Brodie drove along the street in Las Venturas. "Well, guys." he said. "Here's Las Venturas. Nice, huh?"

"Yeah, I like it." said Jay as the Falcon stopped at an intersection.

The guys sat there and waited for the light to change. While they were waiting, a green Corvette pulled alongside.

Silent Bob took a look at the dark-haired woman behind the wheel, then tapped Brodie and Jay on the shoulders and pointed to the woman.

"No way, is that Danica Patrick?" asked Jay.

"It is!" said Brodie.

"Wouldn't it be cool if we raced her?" asked Jay.

"Oh right." said Brodie. "The breakout star of the 2005 Indy 500 is going to race me."

"It could happen." said Jay.

"Mmmm, okay." said Brodie. He rolled down his window and whistled. "Hey, aren't you Danica Patrick?"

"Yeah, I am." replied Danica. "Are you guys racing fans?"

"Uh, not really." said Jay. "So, wanna race?"

"Jay!" said Brodie.

"Sure, why not?" said Danica. "I might need a little practice."

Danica revved the engine of her Corvette. Brodie revved the engine of the Falcon in response. A few seconds later, the light turned green.

The two cars peeled out. Danica's Corvette soared to the next intersection. The Falcon didn't even make it out of the first intersection before Brodie stalled it.

Jay and Silent Bob looked at him. "Not a word." he said.

Brodie drove the Falcon along slowly, not noticing the stolen police cruiser following along behind them.

"Trying to race that 'vette by the look of things." Said Sissy.

"Race?" said Missy. "Of course! I know why we saw so many cars coming here. Some of the screws at the prison said that this year's Cannonball Run is starting in this city.".

"The Cannonball Run?" Chrissy and Sissy chorused.

"The race with the huge cash prize?" asked Chrissy

"That's the one." Said Missy.

A large, predatory smile formed on Sissy's lips.

"This must be our lucky day, girls." She said. "I know that each year, some guys from OUR side of the law try to stop the race and claim the prize money for themselves."

"What are you suggesting, Sis?" said Missy.

"That we tail those lamos to the pre-race party, find out any info on those opposed to the race, and offer our assistance." Said Sissy.

"Sounds a bit risky." Said Chrissy.

"Would you rather that those two stoner jerks win the big cash prize?" Sissy said as she pulled out and followed the Falcon.

"You have a point there." Said Missy.

* * *

On the street leading to the Four Dragons Casino, the Bisonte was stuck behind a long line of traffic. Frank honked the car's horn impatiently and looked over at the sidewalk.

An old man walked along with a walker...and was outrunning them.

"Oh, man. This sucks!" complained Darius. "Hey, wait a minute. That line over there is moving."

"Okay, let's go." said Frank as he moved the Bisonte into the opposite lane of traffic. But shortly afterwards, that line of traffic came to a standstill.

"Oh, for God's sake!" said Frank.

"Hey, the first line is moving now!" said Darius.

"Right." grunted Frank as he moved over to the line he was previously in.

A few seconds later, this line came to a halt and the opposite lane started to move.

Frank grumbled to himself and changed lanes again, only to be brought to a halt a few seconds later.

"Un-believable!" Frank grunted.

"Well at least we're almost there." said Darius.

"Very comforting." said Frank sarcastically as he looked back at the sidewalk. The old man was even further down the street.

* * *

A few blocks down, the Sorcerer cruised along the street approaching the Casino, having found its way out of the desert.

"No sign of those jokers so far. I think we lost 'em." said Tobias.

Suddenly, the Supernova pulled out of a side street and drove in their direction.

"Oh, great!" grumbled Tanner as he steered into the Four Dragons' parking lot.

"Hang on. I've been here before and there's a great place to hide." said Tobias. "It's right in back. Just go around the rear of the building."

"Okay." said Tanner as he steered around the Four Dragons. As he followed the road around the back, he went over a speed bump, which caused the Sorcerer's hood to open and obscure the view through the windscreen.

"I can't see shit, can you?" said Tanner.

"Don't worry. I think we're nearly there." said Tobias.

The pair couldn't see that they were heading for the rear of the hotel next door to the Four Dragons.

Not only that, but they headed straight into its' swimming pool.

The people in the pool panicked and jumped out as the Sorcerer drove over the edge and landed in the water.

A crowd rushed in to see what had happened.

"Shit!" said J.J. "I think your neighbours need to drain their pool, Woozie."

"Why? Is the water dirty?" said Woozie.

"No, 'cause some moron just drove their car into it." said J.J.

The Starlight and the Peligro had pulled into the parking lot and their occupants climbed out to see what had happened.

"Why's that dude at the hotel next door?" asked Beavis.

"Never mind that. Why did he park his car in the pool?" said Butthead.

"Probably too cheap to go to a car wash." said Beavis.

"Only in America." said Corvax.

Tanner and Tobias had gotten out of the car and swam to the edge of the pool.

"Great! Now we have to retune the car." grumbled Tanner.

"Yeah, well let's go the right hotel and get a beer first." said Tobias as the pair lifted themselves over the side of the pool.

"Not so fast!" said a voice.

Tanner and Tobias looked and saw that the Supernova had parked nearby and Nick and Marcus were now approaching them.

Tanner and Tobias got into a fighting stance as the two cops approached them.

"Hold it right there!" said Mr. X as he approached the four men and got between them.  
"Would anyone care to explain what this is all about?"

"Are you a Cannonball official?" asked Nick.

"Yes I am." said Mr. X. "Why, are you entrants?".

"We will be as soon as Two-Faced Tanner here pays us the 500 bucks he owes us!" said Marcus.

"Sit on it, asshole! You're full of it!" snapped Tanner.

"HEY! Take it easy!" said Mr. X. He turned to Nick and Marcus.

"What's this about $500?" he asked.

"Back in California, we beat this guy fair and square in a race for $500. He ran off without paying us." said Nick.

"You sayin' Tanner lost?" said Tobias with mock indignation.

"You know goddamn well he lost, jerkwad! You were there!" Marcus yelled.

Mr. X raised his hand in a pacifying gesture and then turned to face Tanner.

"Is this true, Tanner? And I advise you not to lie as it may jeopardize your chances of entering the race." he said.

There was a brief pause and then Tanner looked embarrassed.

"Yes, it's true." Tanner grumbled resentfully.

"Well, come on then. Save us a lot of trouble and pay the man what you owe him." said Mr. X. "That's a direct order from your employer."

Tanner mumbled to himself and reached into his wallet and pulled out his wad of cash and handed it to Nick.

"Thank you." replied Nick.

"You really need to realise that you can't be number one forever, Tanner." Mr. X said chidingly as he went off.

"Okay, looks like I'll have to stop at an ATM before the race." said Tanner to Nick and Marcus. "But I bet I'll still leave you guys in the dust when we hit the blacktop."

"We'll see." said Marcus. "But first I think you should get your wheels out of that pool."

"AND park in the proper designated area at the RIGHT hotel." Nick added.

Tanner grumbled and went towards the pool to get his car out.

Team Rocket had watched all of this take place.

"Running off without paying?" said Giovanni, impressed. "It's that kind of attitude Team Rocket needs nowadays."

"Oh, thank you!" said Jessie sarcastically. "We haven't even started the race yet and you're looking for replacements!"

"I'm NOT looking for replacements!" Giovanni snapped. "Get off my back, why don't you?"

* * *

In a function room in the hotel, Lone Wolf, Richard and Hardtop had been introduced to the other people who would be providing protection for the Cannonballers.

"I can understand them calling you back as you took part in the Cannonball years ago." Lone Wolf said to Dudley Do-Right and the Powerpuff Girls.

"Oh yeah, that was so exciting." said Bubbles.

"We're not the only ones here with previous Cannonball experience, though." said Dudley.

"Yeah, and I see that the Blue Falcon and Dynomutt are here as well." Said Hardtop, looking impressed.

"So, Lone Wolf, I see Mr. X called you back." said Dudley. "You did a great job the last two Cannonballs."

"Well, I do my best." Said Lone Wolf.

Richard looked at a list. "There are some more still to arrive. This in a impressive list. It includes the Incredibles, the Impossibles, Batgirl and the Meteor Man.".

"Did someone mention our names?" asked the masked Batgirl as she entered the room, followed by Mr. Incredible, his wife Elasti-Girl and their children Dash, Violet and the baby Jack-Jack. Behind them were the pop group superheroes known as the Impossibles: Multi-Man, Fluid Man and Coil-Man.

Bringing up the rear was former Washington schoolteacher Jefferson Reed, also known as The Meteor Man.

"Nice to see all you guys here." said Mr. Incredible. "Mr. X really pulled out the stops as far as protection was concerned this year.".

"Amen to that." said Hardtop. "They really must think the racers are in danger this year.".

"They certainly will be if the information we received is true." Said Bulletproof as he and Mr. X entered the room.

"Okay, is everyone present and accounted for?" asked Mr. X.

"Seems to be, chief." said Multi-Man.

"Alright, everybody." Mr. X said." As you may have been informed, this year there is a plan afoot by various villains to spring Jimmy DeMarco from prison and to take revenge on the Cannonballers on his behalf. So, that is why we have called all of you up."

"Some of you will stay here at headquarters to handle security, while most of you will go out on the road to act as protection. I kid you not, people. You have to use every bit of ingenuity you have to stop the bad guys." Bulletproof added.

"Now, not one of you has ever failed in your duty thus far, and we have absolute faith that you won't start now. So, good luck to all of you." Mr. X finished.

The protectors all cheered.

* * *

The Falcon had finally arrived at the Four Dragons and parked. Waiting just inside the main door were J.J. and Victor. They smiled when he saw Brodie approach.

"Well." J.J. said as the three New Jersey natives entered the building. "How's the latest Captain Chaos doing?".

"You must be Mr. McClure" Smiled Brodie as he shook J.J's hand. "Victor told me all about you.

Likewise. replied J.J.

I won't let you down during the race. I promise.". Said Brodie to Victor.

"I know you'll be okay." Said Victor. He then noticed Jay and Silent Bob. "So, these are your teammates?".

"Yeah, hi." Said Jay. "I'm Jay, and this is my hetero life mate Silent Bob."

Bob smiled and waved.

"O-kay." Said J.J. "You're the couple that Bluntman and Chronic were based on, aren't you?".

"That's right, and woe betide any sack of shit who disses that movie on the 'net." Said Jay.

"Hey, guys, chill." Said Brodie. "Let's go get ready for the party."

Just outside, Sissy and her partners had parked the squad car and snuck over to the staff entrance.

A group of waitresses had stepped out to take a cigarette break.

"Okay. There's our way in." Sissy whispered.

"Is it just me, or is it an amazing coincidence that those girls are just our size?" asked Missy.

"Come on, let's go!" said Sissy as she jumped out and tackled one of the waitresses to the ground. Chrissy and Missy followed suit.

* * *

The Utopia drove down the strip, heading for the Four Dragons. The Drake listened to a news report on the state's talk radio station, WCTR.

"In other news, famed Vice City silicon star Candice Shrand, formerly known as Candy Suxxx has expressed interest in becoming a serious actress." announced newscaster Lianne Forget. "She has been described by many critics as 'very talented'. They have also said that that fact it is obvious to everyone who has ever seen Ms. Shrand."

Venom and Ron laughed. The Drake just looked confused.

"Could you guys explain that to me?" he asked.

"Well, boss, according to my brother, sometimes when a girl is described as 'talented', it usually refers to how big her ti..."

"Okay! Okay! I get it." said the Drake hurriedly. "Ah, here's the hotel coming up. Got a party to attend.".

"Your brother needs to get out more." said Venom.

"Hey, you laughed too." said Ron.

As the Utopia turned to pull into the parking lot, Forget continued her radio announcement.

"Coming up, the dangers of using cell phone cameras. Hear one man's embarrassing story." announced Liane.

* * *

In the Bluths' hotel room, Tobias stood on the balcony while engine noises filled the room.

"I love the smell of Venturas in the morning." he said. "It smells like...weed."

"I hope Dad and Gob like it." said Michael as he sat on the bed. "This is where they're going to be staying while they watch the race."

"So tell me, Michael." said Tobias. "Why do you want your father and Gob watching?"

"So they can see Buster in action." said Michael as the engine noises got progressively louder. "All his life, they've treated him like he was just a child, even in his adult years. Frankly, I'm tired of it! I want them to stop acting like Buster's a washout, like Buster's a screw-up, like Buster's an idiot! I want them to see that Buster can do good, that Buster can stand on his own, that Buster is an achiever! And Buster, you can't do that in the arcade?"

He turned to Buster who played a racing game on a Nintendo Wii, the source of the engine noises. Buster turned to him and sheepishly said "Mother doesn't like me in large crowds."

Tobias noticed his hook and asked "Where's your hand?"

"I have no idea." said Buster as he swung his arms and steered his video game race car into the wall. "I couldn't find it when I unpacked. I'll try looking for it before the party."

"Say, Tobias." said Michael as he took a Twinkie out of the mini-bar. "Did you call Gob about this arrangement?"

"That I did, Michael." said Tobias.

"You told him that we set up a video game system in the backseat and Buster's coming with us, right?" asked Michael.

"Yes, I did." said Tobias.

Out in the hall, Gob and George Sr. stepped out of the elevator.

"So, Tobias called you with the details?" asked George Sr. "What did he say?"

"He said they did something special with the backseat and Buster finally agreed to do it." said Gob. George Sr. looked at him in shock. "His words." added Gob.

"Buster's going with them?" asked George Sr. "He's not up to the challenge."

"Why don't you ask Michael about it?" asked Gob as they reached the room. "He probably has a perfectly good reason."

"Fine." said George Sr. as he knocked on the door. "I'll ask him about it calmly and securely."

Michael answered the door. "Dad, glad you could..."

"What the (bleep) were you thinking?" asked George Sr.

"...come." said Michael as Gob walked in and took his Twinkie.

"Tell me you're not bringing Buster with you." said George Sr.

"My hand's not in the bathroom." said Buster as he walked out of the bathroom. "Hey, dad. Hey, brother."

"Hey, Busty." said Gob as he dropped his suitcase. It started to shake and he steadied it. "I see you made your hand disappear. Not even I can pull that off."

"Buster, go home." said George Sr. "It was a mistake for you to come. You know you're not up to this race."

"Buster, you can stay." said Michael. "Dad, it's time to stop acting like Buster is still in elementary school! He's a grown man! It's time to treat him like one!"

"Fine, I'll treat him like a grown man when he starts acting like one." said George Sr.

"If he needs help with that, I have a book." said Tobias. "Turns out it wasn't about what I thought it was."

"Maybe he just needs a little confidence booster to help him in that area." said Michael. "Maybe he just needs to prove that he can handle something like this. Maybe that's what it takes to gain your approval. If that's what it takes, so be it."

Everyone heard an odd kind of applause. They turned to Buster to see him clapping with his hand against his wrist.

"Yay." he said.

Michael sat in an armchair as Buster came up behind him and started giving him a shoulder rub.

"As soon as this race is over, Dad," said Michael "you're going to see...AH! OW! YOU'RE KILLING ME, BUSTER! YOU'RE KILLING ME!"

Buster removed his hook from Michael's shoulder and stared at it in horror.

"I did it again!" he screamed. "I'm a monster!"

* * *

In Corey's room, his team sat in a circle on the bed.

"Okay, I think we need some kind of strategy." said Corey.

"Strategy? What kind of strategy?" asked Roger.

"Corey, relax." said Tuesday. "We can hold off on strategy a bit."

"Yeah, the pre-race party hasn't even started yet." said Katie.

Corey stared at her confused.

"Just lighten up." said Roger. "We're only doing this as a vacation."

"If you think we need to strategize a vacation, you need help." said Tuesday.

"So, what do you say, Corey?" asked Katie. "Are we going to relax?"

"Yeah, you're right." said Corey. "We can forget strategy. Right now, let's go have the best pre-race party ever."

* * *

In their room, Eric's team sat in a circle on their bed. Copious amounts of smoke filled the air.

"This is the best pre-race party ever." laughed Eric.

"Boy, you said it, Forman." said Hyde. "Friends, stuff, circle. Nice."

"Hey, maybe we should invite the other racers." laughed Kelso.

"Aren't there a lot of law enforcement officials taking part?" asked Fez.

"Hey, I was thinking." said Eric. "Why do they call it the Cannonball Run?"

"Maybe the race was first done back in the 1600's and they started it by shooting off a cannon." said Hyde.

"Maybe the participants had to get to the finish before they shot off a cannon at them." said Kelso. "You know, they had to get there before it hit them."

"Maybe someone acquired the nickname 'Cannonball', raced across the country, and the original race was named in his honor." said Fez.

Eric, Hyde, and Kelso all looked at him in confusion.

"Don't everybody talk at once." said Fez.

* * *

The Doctor, Amy and Rory walked down the corridor on their way to the pre-race party.

"Rory and I got a great room." Said Amy. "But I hope you don't mind getting a separate one."

"Of course I don't." said the Doctor. "I DO let married people have their own space." He then paused and frowned a bit.

"You're thinking of getting out your policewoman and Roman costumes again, aren't you?" he said.

Amy playfully punched the Doctor on the shoulder. "That's none of your business."

"Anyway, that'll do later. I hope the Cannonball Run party lives up to its reputation." Rory chipped in.

"Yeah, me too." said the Doctor.

"What, do you have very high expectations with regards to parties?" asked Amy.

"Well, you know who used to put on a very good party? Marie Antoinette." Said the Doctor, smiling.

Amy and Rory gave him strange looks.

"Oh, those were the days." He sighed happily.

* * *

In the casino, Carl, Tommy, and Claude, who had recently arrived, walked with Woozie.

"As you can see, the room is all set up for the party." said Woozie.

"Nice job, Woozie." said Carl. "I'm willing to bet some of these guys came just for the party, you know?"

"Hey, Woozie." said Tommy. "When does this party start?"

"Momentarily." said Woozie.

Just then, an overweight man with large glasses walked in with a slip of paper. "Uh, uh, excuse me. Excuse me." he mumbled. "My name is Milton Waddams. I'm staying in room 317. I received this slip of paper just now."

"Ah yes." said Woozie. "Welcome to the pre-race party for the Cannonball Run. We sent out an invitation to a non-Cannonballer so that none of the racers would have to face the embarrassment of showing up first to the party."

"Oh, oh, I see." said Milton. "Do I get to stay for the party?"

"Of course, at least until the first couple of teams show up." said Woozie.

Just then, Ethan and Snake entered.

"Hey, Carl." said Ethan. "Nice to see you made it."

"Back again, huh, Tommy?" asked Snake.

"I'm always ready for this." said Tommy.

"Uh, Mr. uh, Mr. Woozie." said Milton. "There's another thing I wish to mention."

Mortimer, Bella, and Bob entered at that point.

"House party!" yelled Bob.

"I had a red stapler in my room." said Milton.

"I wonder if there's a special theme to this party." said Bella.

"I left to go to lunch..." said Milton.

"I think they're saving special themes for the post-race party." said Mortimer.

"...and when I came back, it was gone." said Milton.

"Okay, your services have been fulfilled." said Woozie, ignoring Milton utterly. "You may leave now."

"Yes, but my stapler." said Milton.

"We'll look into that." said Woozie. "Now go."

Milton walked off mumbling to himself. "Fine, I didn't want your help anyway. I could just return to my room. I could ask the maid about my missing stapler and ask for restitution. I could...I could start a fire in my room. I found the gas main."

* * *

Frank Martin and Darius entered the lobby of the Four Dragons after they finally got there.

"Just leave the luggage in the car for now." said Darius. "I need a drink."

"I'll pass on that." replied Frank. "Someone needs to keep a clear head for the race."

Coming out of the elevator were Charlie Croker and Stella Bridger, accompanied by Homer and Marge Simpson.

All four of them noticed Frank and looked surprised.

"Rob?" Charlie and Stella said.

"Marcus?" Homer and Marge said at the same time.

"Huh?" all four said as they looked at each other.

"Neither actually." Frank said. "The name's Frank Martin."

"Hey, I heard about you." Homer said. "They say you're one of the best wheelmen in the business."

"I can attest to that." said Darius. "Apart from getting stuck in traffic, the trip here was very professionally handled by my partner here. So, tell me, who are those guys you thought Frank was?".

"Well, we normally have a good wheelman of our own who goes by the name of Handsome Rob." said Charlie. "He couldn't make it to the Cannonball."

"Lucky for some." grumbled Stella as she remembered the condition of her and her team-mates.

"And Marcus Ellenstein is this guy who came in third place in the race two years ago." said Marge. "Just the resemblance is uncanny. Even the voice."

"Well, there's a reason for that." said Frank, with a slight smile. "Marcus and Rob are both distant relations of mine. They're great guys, but you can see why we don't have many family reunions."

"How do you tell each other apart?" asked Stella.

After a short pause, Frank replied "We just do.".

* * *

Max and Jake walked into the ballroom. Someone whistled loudly and said "Hey, Max!"

Max turned around and saw Mason and Spike walking in.

"So you guys made it after all." said Max, smiling.

"Why not. It's high time two great road warriors entered the Cannonball." said Mason.

"And as weapons are allowed this year, you can bet I'm gonna put my skills to use again." said Spike.

"So, who's your pal?" asked Mason.

"This is Jake." said Max. "Jake, this is Mason and Spike. They're from the same place as me.".

"Hi, how ya doin'?" said Jake as he shook both their hands.

"So, you any good at the wheel?" asked Spike.

"You have no idea." Jake said smiling.

"Agh! All this goody-goody camaraderie makes me sick." sneered Dick Dastardly as he, Muttley and Skeletor came over.

"Well, not everyone can be a dick, Dick!" said Max. He, Jake, Mason and Spike laughed at that.

Muttley sniggered too.

"Go ahead and laugh." sneered Skeletor. "When we start the race, you'll get to see how we handle fools like you. You haven't got a ghost of a chance!".

He looked at Jake and said "Especially you.".

The three villains left.

"That damn Villains' Society." sighed Max. "The more things change, the more THEY stay the same.".

"Amen, brother." said Mason. "They don't appreciate what a great dimension this is."

"So, you like it here?" asked Jake.

"Absolutely, There's law and order for a start. Clean air. All the little things some people take for granted." said Mason.

"But you know what REALLY makes this world great?" asked Spike.

"What?" asked Max and Jake.

"Cherry slurpies." beamed Spike. The three others looked at him oddly.

* * *

Mystery Inc entered the hotel. Most of the gang looked peeved about something.

Eventually, Freddie spoke up.

"Look, I said I was sorry! What more do you want?" he said.

"A bit of common sense would be good." said Daphne. "I mean, what were you thinking: reading a comic book at the wheel when we were all asleep? You nearly made us crash!"

"Reah! Rat rives?" said Scooby.

"I was bored just looking at the road and the radio was stuck on that damn K-Rose station!" said Freddie.

"You could have woke Shaggy up and asked him to fix it." said Velma.

"I was a bit creeped out by him singing Rick James' 'Mary Jane' in his sleep." said Freddie.

"It's not what you think!" protested Shaggy as the group headed on. "I was dreaming about that girl I met when we had to take on Scrappy.".

As the group left the lobby, Buffy Summers and her team entered a few seconds later.

"The Usagi handles well." said Jordan. "But if they make any adjustments at the start, they should help us. Especially as I hear an old friend of Nigel's is a mechanic this year."

"That's great." said Veronica. "Which manufacturer does the guy work for?".

"The NSA." replied Jordan.

"Hey, Buffy." a voice said. Buffy looked and saw Memphis and his team walking over.

"Great to see you guys again." said Buffy. "I heard someone say you, Dom and Jesse split into three teams this year.".

"Correct." smirked Sway. "Be prepared for anything.".

"Hey, Buffs. You know who were just here?" asked the Sphinx. "Mystery Inc.".

"They're back too?" said Buffy. "This should be interesting. I'd love to see Daphne again.".

"I was just gonna say, it's weird how the two of you seem to keep missing each other." said Memphis.

* * *

Sometime later, all the Cannonballers had arrived and started to enter the room for the party.

Corey and Eric walked out of two elevators next to each other.

Eric looked to Corey and said "Hiiiiiiiii."

"Yeah, I see you are." said Corey.

* * *

Sissy, Chrissy and Missy entered the ballroom disguised in their waitress uniforms.

"Keep your eyes open." Sissy said

"No problem." Said Chrissy, sounding kind of lusty.

Sissy looked and saw her and Missy gazing at Lara and her team, hearts practically appearing in their eyes.

"This is what I get for picking two lesbians to be in my team." Sissy thought angrily to herself. She smacked both girls on the back of the head.

"HEY! Concentrate on the job." She said.

"Sorry." Said Missy. "So what do we do?"

"Just pretend you're waitresses for now." Said Sissy. "I've got a gut feeling that there are probably other people opposed to the race spying on these guys. If they show themselves, we make our deal with them, okay?".

"Right." Chorused Chrissy and Missy.

* * *

At Lara's table, Nina Williams looked over the Cannonballers.

"(These guys look like a threat to you?)" she asked Anna in Gaelic.

"(No, I think they'll be easy pickings.)" replied Anna as the members of MASK 2 walked past. "(I don't think any of them will put up a serious fight.)"

"(Well, I'll do my best to surprise you, then.)" said Liam.

Nina and Anna then turned away slightly embarrassed.

* * *

Sitting at another table were Ford Fairlane and his team.

Ford snorted as he looked around.

"These assholes rely too much on stuff like that nitrous oxide crap to power their cars. I bet they wouldn't be so tough without it." He said.

"Don't be so quick to judge, Ford." Said Jazz. "You'd be surprised at some of the tricks these Cannonballers have up their sleeves.

"Hey, Morris!" yelled Jay as he approached Don. "How ya doin'?"

Don laughed a little. "Look, I know what you think." He said to Jay. "But I'm not Morris Day. I just look like him."

"Oh, sorry man." Said Jay, a bit deflated. "What do you think of The Time, though?"

"One of the best bands ever." Beamed Don. "Tell me that 'Jerk Out' isn't one of the best funk tunes ever.".

"Well my buddy and I prefer 'Jungle Love' ourselves." Said Jay. "That song was handed down by God herself to the Time.".

AN: remember that in the Askewniverse films, God is female.

"So, are you in the race, pal." Ford asked Jay.

"You bet I am. Hey, you're that rock 'n roll private eye, aren't you?" Jay asked.

"That's right." Ford said.

"Hey, I got a joke for ya." Said Jay. "Hickory dickory dock, this chick was... "

Ford suddenly looked annoyed and extended a warning finger, cutting Jay off.

"Don't do that. I'm not friggin' kidding, okay?" he said.

"Oh." Said Jay. "I was told that you liked jokes like that.".

"I do find other things humorous you know." Ford replied.

"Well, I'll leave you be." Said Jay as he walked away.

Jay joined Silent Bob, and then they both looked around for Brodie.

"Hey, guys. Over here!" Brodie yelled.

The two approached Brodie and saw him talking to two other men of their acquaintance.

"Holy shit!" said the thin guy with the baseball cap. "So you guys actually DID join the race.".

"Well, what did you expect?" asked the bearded guy. "After that movie they have more goddamn money than common sense.".

"Yo Dante! Snootchie bootchies, Randal!" said Jay. "So, I see that our recommendation was taken up."

"That's right." said Randal. "You are now looking at the official pit bosses of the Cannonball Betting Pool."

"Jay and Bob really recommended you guys for the post?" Brodie asked.

"You bet your ass." said Randal. "Sure makes a nice vacation from the Quick Stop.".

"I just wish you could have warned us about how busy it would get." grumbled Dante. "I mean, look over there."

He gestured and they saw that the door to the betting pool was surrounded by high rollers from the casino pounding on it, demanding it be opened.

"Well, it shows you'll be busy." said Jay.

"I know, I know!" said Dante. "But I don't need the hassle. I mean, I'm..."

"Not even supposed to be here today!" chorused Randal, Brodie, Jay and Bob.

"You delight in finding reasons to bitch, don't you, kimosabe." said Randal.

"Think of it this way, Dante." said Brodie. "With the money you'll make from this, Becky and the baby will be very happy".

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Dante said as he smiled. "Okay, let's go open up shop."

Dante and Randal headed towards the betting pool.

* * *

Nearby, K.T. and Takumi approached Dominic, Memphis, Brian and Jesse James who were talking.

"Well, chromedome. I see you've come back to race in this yet again." K.T. said.

"Was there ever any doubt?" said Dom. "This is your first Cannonball as far as I know. I wouldn't get overconfident if I were you.".

"HA! This race will be child's play as far as I'm concerned." Said K.T. "Be prepared to taste my dust when it starts.".

"Whatever you say, Katie." Said Jesse.

"What? What did I say?" asked Katie Howard who stood nearby.

"I wasn't talking to you." Said Jesse.

Katie walked away looking confused.

"He ain't the only one you have to worry about, Toretto." said Dice as he and his team walked over.

"Well, if it ain't the guy who stole my title." Dominic said.

"Reality check, pal. YOU stole MY title. When you ran away from L.A. back in '01, you dropped the ball. And I just happened to pick it up." Dice snapped. "Then you return out of the blue and everyone acts like you're goddamn royalty, just because of those stupid movies!"

"And what's your problem with those movies?" asked Dom.

"Well, for a start, they're total BS. When you helped take down that Braga guy in the REAL world, you obviously didn't get 25 to life or you wouldn't be here without every law enforcement official in the civilised world after you!" Dice said.

"He actually has a point, Dom." Memphis said.

"Well maybe they did for the movie because they thought it would be more dramatic." Dom defended.

"Oh yeah, like anyone watches those movies for the drama!" Parfait sarcastically added.

"Well, if you MUST know, I got five years' probation. Which is why I'm avoiding the reporters here.". Dom said.

"Yeah. If his parole officer finds out he's in the Cannonball, she'll kill him." Jesse said.

"That I'd love to see." Dice said.

"So, you're an L.A. racer as well?" Jesse asked Dice.

"You bet your ass." Dice said. "And I intend to tear you guys a new one in this race.".

"We'll see what happens in the race, Dice." said Dom. "The international highways are a lot different from the L.A. blacktop. You should see the way they race in Tokyo.".

"Exactly." said Parfait, agreeing with Dom. "Don't be so quick to assume you'll be victorious, Dice."

"We wish you luck in the Cannonball, Mr. Toretto." said Savo as he saluted. "May the best team win."

"We intend to." replied Dom.

* * *

Michael Knight approached the table that Joe Astor and his team were seated at.

Joe smiled. "So, if it isn't the legendary Michael Knight." he said.

"And you must be the guys from Metro City I heard about." said Michael as he took a seat. "I've got to hand it to you guys. Dealing with four major crime waves in one city is quite a thing.".

"I just thank God we were never transferred somewhere like Liberty City or Vice City." said Cole, half-joking. "Or San Andreas for that matter. I mean when you meet crime lords like Tommy Vercetti or Carl Johnson over there and find out that they're really decent guys deep down, it makes you worry about the establishment in places like that.".

"Wasn't there a TV show brought out based on your adventures back in the 80s?" Westlake asked Michael.

"Yeah. It got a bit ridiculous towards the end with the whole convertible thing." sighed Michael.

"I heard that GM brought out a Pontiac that looked like KITT after the big success." Westlake smiled. "I bet Frankie would have loved to have had one.".

"Yeah, I bet. They had to take it off the market when some moron tried to jump a train in one, didn't they?" asked Cole.

"Yeah, Frankie should just stick to his 'Cuda." Joe said.

"A 'Cuda?" asked Michael. "Great to see you guys love the home-grown vehicles.".

"Anyhow, Michael, I'm glad there's no hostility between us." said Cole.

"Of course. I can tell you guys are good sports, unlike those guys I raced against in that alternative fuel race back in '83." said Michael.

"Well, if we had drinks, we'd toast to that, but the service seems a bit below par." said Westlake. "At least from those three waitresses."

He nodded towards Sissy, Chrissy and Missy who struggled to write down their orders at three separate tables.

"So, you bring the famous KITT with you?" asked Joe.

"He's in the garage with the other cars." said Michael. "Just hope he's not getting lonely.".

Michael raised his COM link watch to his mouth.

"Hey, buddy. You okay in there?" he asked.

"I'm perfectly fine, Michael." replied KITT. "I can see there are a lot of lovely cars in this race.".

Michael then heard a horn honk aggressively and then KITT said "Herbie, I'm NOT flirting with your girl. Your jealousy is unbelievable.".

"Herbie?" said Cole. "As in the Herbie that won the El Dorado in '68, the Monte Carlo Grand Prix in '77 and is now big on the NASCAR circuit?".

"That's correct." KITT replied, having heard Cole.

"That was unexpected." said Westlake.

* * *

Over at their table, the Muppets conversed with Mickey and Minnie who had come over.

"So, you're using Herbie AND Giselle?" asked Gonzo. "That should be interesting."

"It will indeed." said Mickey. "So, Kermit, what do you think of the fact that Hanna Barbera have joined as well?".

"Well, I think it's good that such a fine bunch of studios are being represented this year." replied Kermit. "I just hope for our sake that there'll not be too much aggressiveness on the road.".

"Why are you worried about that?" asked Minnie.

"Our car belongs to Piggy and she 'suggested' that we bring it back in good condition." replied Fozzie.

"I don't know why you're worried about that." said Mickey. "You know Piggy loves Kermit.".

"Yes, but her temper is more legendary than her love skills." replied Rizzo.

"Well, we have to go now, Good luck, Kermit." said Minnie as the two mice left.

As they went, Rizzo said "Something's always bothered me about the Disney guys."

"Oh, what's that?" asked Kermit.

"Well, Mickey's a mouse, right? And Donald's a duck and Pluto's a dog.". said Rizzo.

"Yeah." said Fozzie.

"so, then, what's Goofy?" asked Rizzo.

There was a brief pause. Fozzie then spoke up. "I think Goofy's a dog.".

"Yeah, definitely a dog." said Kermit.

"He can't be." said Gonzo. "Think about it. Pluto's a dog but he walks on all fours and can't talk. Goofy CAN talk and walk like a human, so there's no way he's a dog.".

There was another brief pause and then Kermit said "Well, does it really matter. I mean we didn't know what Gonzo was for years but it never bothered us.".

"I suppose you have a point there." said Gonzo. "I was glad when I found out there were more like me.".

* * *

Sitting at the bar drinking a beer was Priss. she looked down the bar and saw the three Angels and Agent 99 sitting there.

"Hey, Angels." she said. "Good to see you again.".

"Hi Priss." said Dylan. "Have you met Agent 99 here?".

"Great to see ya." said Priss. "First time here?"

"That's right." said 99. "I've heard of your band, the Replicants. It's amazing you haven't got a record deal yet.".

"I tried to get one, but they were looking to screw me over." Priss replied. "Typical of big businesses. So, what are you having?".

99 pondered the question. "I think I'll just have an orange juice.".

Priss looked incensed. "No you damn well won't! You'll have a beer! At least when I offer you will.".

"Look, I appreciate your tough girl image, but suppose we're asked to drive tonight." said 99.

"Oh, can't handle it, huh?" Priss taunted.

99 smirked. "Is that a challenge? I NEVER back down from a challenge. After all, as a secret agent, danger is my business.".

"Let's go then." said Priss as she turned to order the drinks.

Suddenly, a voice came over a PA.

"Ladies and Gentlemen. If you will please turn your attention to the stage. The pre-race address is about to begin.".

"Damn!" said Priss. "Looks like we'll have to wait.".

"We look forward to it." said Alex.

* * *

Standing near the stage were Thunder Bob and Toni, both of whom had been hired by Brock Yates as special DJs.

"Alright, people!" called Bob. "Welcome to the beginning of the latest Worldwide Cannonball Run, here at the Four Dragons!".

"Please welcome, the man we all owe so much, the creator of the Cannonball Run, Mr. Brock Yates!" yelled Toni.

The racers all cheered as Brock took the stage and stood at his podium.

"Thank you, thank you." Said Brock. "It gives me great pleasure to welcome you all to the beginning of yet another worldwide Cannonball Run."

Fez strained his eyes to look at him.

"It always fills my heart with joy to see so many people step up to take part." said Brock as Fez watched the ceiling move around. "And I know the great prospect of claiming the prize money fills all of you with joy."

Kelso took in the speech with a goofy look on his face.

"I will not lie to you, people." said Brock as Kelso watched him pick up his head and continue his speech with it in his hands. "This will be dangerous. It has been confirmed that there are people, and I don't just mean the police, out to stop you."

Kelso then watched Brock replace his head on his neck. Hyde just stared at one of the dragon statues behind him.

"Some of you may even get a DNF if you aren't careful." said Brock. "But I know that you can handle yourselves, so I'm confident that this year's Cannonball will be as terrific, if not more so, than the others."

"Wassup?" said the dragon statue to Hyde.

Eric tried to focus on Brock.

"Your vehicles are being prepared right now by our weapons experts." said Brock while Eric watched him morph into Jabba the Hutt. "They will all be ready to kick some serious ass by tomorrow. But for now, as Andrew W.K. said, let's get a party going!"

The Cannonballers cheered.

"Oh, one last thing." said Brock. "We've set up a special set of challenges which will be good news for the stragglers. It is the very first Cannonball Run Puzzle Hunt. In most, but not all, continents the race will take you through, there will be a hidden package containing five million dollars. If you rise to the challenge, you must contact me by cell phone and you will receive a clue. Successfully figuring out this clue will take you to another clue and eventually, the package. Only six teams per package, first come, first serve. Good luck."

Bob and Toni both appeared again.

"Alright, folks. It's time to welcome the band!" said Bob.

"Please welcome The Killers, Moby, Barenaked Ladies, Jimmy Eat World, Linda Moon, Love Fist, LL Cool J, Papa Roach, Bowling For Soup, Franz Ferdinand, Pink, the Bloodhound Gang, Usher and, a former street racer turned Grammy-winning singer, Natasha Martin and her band Moving Violation!"

The Cannonball band took the stage to thunderous applause. "Okay, do we have any requests?" asked Moby.

"How about 'Hyperactive' by Thomas Dolby?" asked Howard T. Duck. "He happens to be a good friend of mine."

"'Hyperactive' it is." said the Killers' Brandon Flowers. "Let's do it, guys!"

The band started to play into the song.

**Ooh.**  
**Tell me about your childhood.**

**At the tender age of three,**  
**I was hooked to a machine,**  
**just to keep my mouth from spouting junk.**

**Must've took me for a fool,**  
**'cause they chucked me outta school,**  
**'cause the teacher knew I had the funk.**

**But tonight, I'm on the edge.**  
**Better shut me in the fridge,**  
**'cause I'm burning up. I'm burning up.**

**With the vision in my brain,**  
**and the music in my veins,**  
**and the dirty rhythm in my blood.**

**They are messing with my heart.**  
**And they're messing with my heart.**  
**They are messing with my heart.**  
**And they're messing with my...**  
**ripping me apart.**

**Hyperactive when I was small.**  
**Hyperactive now I'm grown.**  
**Hyperactive and the night is young.**

The Cannonballers danced to the song. David and Elizabeth danced together.

"Boy, I wish they could see you dancing." said David.

"Watch me." said Elizabeth. She turned and walked towards Velma.

"And then I told Shaggy 'There's no such thing as ghosts.'" said Velma. Just then, Elizabeth stepped into her and possessed her. She continued to dance, only with Velma's body.

**And they're messing with my heart.**  
**So how long have you been having these delusions?**  
**And they're messing with my heart.**  
**Please tell me more about your mother.**

**Ripping, ripping, ripping, ripping,**  
**ripping me apart.**

**Semaphore out on the floor.**  
**Messages from outer space.**  
**Deep heat for the feet.**  
**Rhythm of your heartbeat.**

**'Cause the music of the streets,**  
**it isn't any rap attack.**  
**Isn't any rap attack.**  
**Rap a...**  
**rap a...**  
**rap a...**  
**rap attack.**

**I can reach into your homes,**  
**like an itch in your headphones.**  
**You can't turn it up.**

**I'm the shape in your back room.**  
**I'm the breather on the phone.**  
**And I'm burning up.**

**But there's one thing I must say,**  
**before they lock me up again:**  
**you'd be safer at the back,**  
**when I'm having an attack.**

**Hyperactive when I was small.**  
**Hyperactive now I'm grown.**  
**Hyperactive as the day is long.**

**Hyperactive in my bones.**  
**Hyperactive in your phones.**  
**Hyperactive and the night is young.**

**Hyperactive when I was small.**  
**Hyperactive now I'm grown.**  
**Hyperactive 'til I'm dead and gone.**

**Stand up hyperactivate.**  
**Get up hyperactivate.**  
**Wise up hyperactivate.**  
**Stand up hyperactivate.**

**Europe hyperactivate.**  
**South Bronx hyperactivate.**  
**London hyperactivate.**

-"Hyperactive" by Thomas Dolby.

Elizabeth vacated Velma's body when the song ended.

"Well, that was weird." said Velma.

"You were dancing excellently." David said to Elizabeth as she returned to his side.

"Yes, you certainly were." Said Jake Kesey as he approached.

Both David and Elizabeth looked confused.

"Are you talking to me?" Elizabeth asked, waving her hand in front of Jake's face to see if he could really see her.

"Absolutely." replied Jake. He then turned to David and said "You've got yourself quite a girl there, mister."

"Are you a psychic or something?" David asked.

"Yeah, something like that." Jake replied as he headed back to the table he and Max sat.

* * *

Standing in front of a camera in the ballroom were the four reporters who were to cover the Cannonball.

"Well, that's got the party started with a bang." Announced Ron Burgundy. "And by this time tomorrow, the race will have started."

"The atmosphere is certainly electric." Said Veronica Corningstone. "That speech by Mr. Yates has got the racers all fired up."

"It's great to be back covering the Cannonball." Said Misty. "I'm just as excited as the racers are. Don't you agree, Lazlow?".

Lazlow smiled and replied "Yeah, I certainly do. And the party will get better as the night goes on. So stay tuned to see what treats we have in store!"

* * *

"Excuse me!" Giovanni called over to Sissy, who served Jack Colton's team with drinks. "We're ready to order!"

"In a minute, sir." Sissy said through clenched teeth.

"In a minute my ass!" said Jessie. "We've been trying to get your attention for ten minutes so far."

Chrissy went over to the Rockets' table to take their orders, while Sissy served the Viper guys with drinks.

"Okay, here you go." she said. "A tequila on the rocks with lime, a beer, and a club soda and lime?"

She turned away and faced the NUMA team's table. "Those are OUR drinks." said Pitt.

"Sorry about the confusion." said Sissy. "I don't suppose you could do me a favor and..."

The two teams got up and traded tables.

"Thank you." she said. She returned to the bar and passed Missy. "Any luck?" Sissy asked.

"Not so far. Unless you count getting my orders right as lucky." Missy replied.

"Shut up!" said Sissy.

* * *

_"And so, the Bluths attended the party preceding the Cannonball Run."_

Michael, Buster, and Tobias walked up to Clutch and Shipwreck from the G.I. Joe team.

"Hi." said Michael. "Michael Bluth, from the Bluth Company."

"Hey, guys." said Buster.

"How ARE you?" asked Tobias.

"Nice to meet you guys." said Clutch. "I'm Sergeant Lance Steinberg and this is Chief Petty Officer Hector Delgado."

"Oh, did you hear that, Buster?" asked Michael. "These guys are also in the Army."

"No, he's in the Army." said Shipwreck. "I'm a Navy SEAL."

Buster let out a scream, then composed himself. "Oh, you mean that kind of seal." he said.

"Did you guys serve in Iraq?" asked Tobias.

"No, we're actually part of a special unit tasked with keeping watch on a particular group." said Clutch. "It's just us, some top brass, numerous highly trained specialists, and about a hundred of the toughest guys to bear the rank of private."

"I wouldn't mind seeing these privates of yours." said Tobias.

Clutch and Shipwreck gave him an odd look and left.

* * *

_"Meanwhile, George Sr. and Gob watched the party coverage on television."_

"Be sure to stay tuned." announced Veronica. "Coming up, we have exotic dancer Mango and the magic stylings of Penn and Teller."

Gob scoffed. "Penn and Teller."

"How can you not like Penn and Teller?" asked George. "You're a magician like them."

"I know, but I should be performing there." said Gob. "I know I've screwed up a few, but I did put on a hell of a show up in the Catskills last week."

(flashback)

_Footage not found._

(end flashback)

"Besides, these guys always show how their illusions are done." continued Gob. "That's the number one thing that'll get you kicked out of the Magicians' Alliance. They'd be out just like that."

He snapped his fingers and a dozen doves flew out of his suitcase.

_"And then, it was revealed that Gob was planning on doing a trick after all."_

"No, guys!" yelled Gob. "Back in the bag! It's not time!"

"Gob, why did you bring your doves?" asked George. "Were you going to do a trick?"

"ILLUSION, Dad! I was going to do an ILLUSION!" said Gob. "Get back in the bag! Dad, don't shoo them!"

"It landed on my pillow!" yelled George.

"Don't go through that door!" yelled Gob. "It's not open!"

BAM!

"Come on!"

* * *

In the garage, a respectable looking man walked amidst the cars the Cannonballers were preparing to race. He encountered an African-American woman.

"Well, Lola." said the man, NSA weapons specialist Toby Lee Shavers. "I see your talents were called upon as well."

"Since they called you in, it looks like our task involves weapons." said the woman, car customizer Lola Jackson.

"Wasn't there supposed to be another member of our group?" asked Toby.

"He's supposed to be here already." said Lola. "Where is he?"

"Could you guys please shut up?" asked a man with a Texas accent who was wearing coveralls. He was lying under the Licorne. "I'm trying to get some sleep."

"Are you our third mechanic?" asked Toby. If you are, you should know it s not safe to lie there.

"I might as well stay up I guess." said the man. He climbed out from under the Licorne and tripped over his crawler. After picking himself up, he said "I guess we're going to be working together. My name's Skeeter."

"Do you know anything about installing weapons in a vehicle?" asked Lola.

"Sure do." said Skeeter. "Did it for many years while working with the AVG, the Auto-Vigilante Guild."

"They ever work with Charlie Croker?"

They turned to see a tough-looking man approaching. "I heard he's in the race with his crew." he said. "I helped him out with some mod work when they did the L.A. Job. They call me Wrench."

"Welcome to the party." said Toby. "Are you ready to get to work?"

"I always am." said Wrench. "So, are we going to do this?"

"Yeah, let's do this." said Lola." Toby, you're working with me since we have experience together."

"So, that means you two are working together." said Toby.

"Where are our last two?" asked Skeeter.

"Here we are." said Julian Wilkes as he and Frankie entered the garage.

"We've already decided we're working together." said Frankie.

"Well, there you go." said Lola

"Come on, hermano." said Wrench to Skeeter. "We got some cars to work on."

"I'm on it." said Skeeter.

As the mechanics went about their work, Lone Wolf and Hardtop entered.

"So, you say your vehicle is good to go?" asked Hardtop.

"That's right. I know you're a big vehicle expert, so I just wanted your opinion as we'll be working together.".

Both men walked over to the Silver Bullet.

Hardtop let out a whistle and then said "Now that is what I call a mean machine!".

"Glad it gets your approval.". said Lone Wolf. "I also made sure that it has a race built transmission to handle all the power.".

"We should enter the race ourselves with this!" said Hardtop.

"I appreciate your enthusiasm." said Lone Wolf. "But the racers need protection.".

"I know. I was just complimenting your customisation skills." said Hardtop.

"So, you ready for this?" asked Lone Wolf.

Hardtop smiled and said "Fuelled and firing!".

"Good to know." a voice said. Lone Wolf and Hardtop turned around to see Corvax leaning into the drivers' seat of the Starlight.

"I know the party's on but I just wanted to get rid of that Winger CD before Beavis and Butthead see it." he explained.

"I'm glad that you appreciate our efforts, Corvax." Lone Wolf said.

"Of course I do. Even if there's a lame-o superhero like Meteor Man on the protection squad." Corvax snorted.

"Ahem!" a stern voice said. Corvax turned around and saw Meteor Man and the other protectors had entered as well.

Meteor Man was giving him a stern look.

"Well, I mean a superhero who's scared of heights! Come on!" Corvax defended.

"I got over that ages ago." Meteor Man said. "Besides you may have to count on this 'lame-o' to pull your fat out of the fire.".

"Okay! My bad! I'm sorry!" Corvax said. "Here, I'll get going.".

He took out the CD and threw it in a trash can and then promptly exited.

"Don't mind Corvax, Jeff." Dudley said. "He's just another case of too much money and not enough sense.".

"So, you guys here for your vehicles?" asked Hardtop.

"Yeah. My family and I get the V8 Ghost." said Mr. Incredible as he pointed to a white Lotus Esprit.

"And the Impossibles and I get the Murmur." said Dudley as he pointed out a green '55 Chevy Two-Ten.

"We named it after our favourite REM album." Coil Man explained.

"Jeff, me and my sisters are just gonna take to the air." Blossom said. "BF, Dynomutt and Batgirl are staying behind for now in case someone tries to heist the prize money.".

"Okay. Then it looks like we're ready to kick ass." said Lone Wolf. "I guess we can relax for a while and enjoy the party.

* * *

Back out in the ballroom, many members of the band started to place their bets.

Meanwhile, Fearless Leader, Boris and Natasha ran a little betting pool of their own.

"Come on up here and place your bets." said Fearless Leader. "We can give you quicker results and better odds."

"Yes, how would you like to bet?" asked Boris.

"I'd like to wager two hundred on the Bonfire." said Memphis. "Third to leave North America."

"Place your money in the hat." said Natasha as she presented Boris' hat. Memphis dropped the cash in the hat and walked away.

"How is this scam supposed to work?" asked Boris.

"We take their wagers, then try to make sure that none of their choices come to fruition." said Fearless Leader.

"A wonderful plan." said Natasha.

Tommy, Carl, and Claude walked up to them.

"Ah, yes." said Fearless Leader. "How would you like to..."

Before he could finish his question, Tommy grabbed him behind his head and punched him in the stomach. Carl then grabbed Boris by the shoulders and kneed him in the groin. Claude simply took the hat from Natasha and they walked away.

* * *

Lara and her team walked amongst the crowd.

"Do you think we have a chance against these guys this year?" asked Joanna.

"I think we definitely have a chance." said Lara.

"We always have a chance."

Lara and her team-mates turned to see two more women, one redhead, one brunette, wearing jumpsuits like theirs, the redhead in yellow and the brunette in white.

"Of course, we should know." said the redhead. "We're continuing the legacy of those who won the race way back in '81."

"Oh my goodness." said Lara. "It's Gloria Baker and April O'Neil themselves."

"You took part in the '87 Cannonball." said Joanna.

"Indeed yes." said April.

"Don't tell me we're competing with you as well." said Nina.

"Nothing like that." said Gloria. "We just came to see what our successors were up to this year."

"We also came to wish you girls luck." said April.

"Why, thank you." said Anna.

"Things have come a long way since we last raced." said Gloria.

"Yeah, I see you guys have been using weapons, gadgetry, and martial arts in the past few races." said April.

"That's no different this year." said Lara as she drew her pistols. Joanna took out a Camspy. Nina and Anna struck defensive stances.

"You may be a little overqualified." said Gloria. "Just don't forget your secret weapon."

"How can we forget?" asked Joanna. "The other racers have been staring at them all night."

"We're going to show our support by placing a bet." said April. "Guess who it's on."

"Like we need any more pressure." said Anna.

April and Gloria walked over to the Betting Pool.

"Thank God it's now a bit more quiet." said Dante, as things had now calmed down now that many people had placed bets.

Randal nudged Dante and drew his attention to April and Gloria.

Dante smiled and thought to himself "This job DOES have perks after all.".

"How may I help you?" asked Dante out loud.

"We'd like to place one million dollars on the Vulcano." said Gloria.

"Can you provide the cash?" asked Randal.

"Right here." said April. She unzipped her jumpsuit and took out a wad of cash. "One mil, ready to go."

Dante instead stared at her cleavage.

"Uh, the cash." said Gloria.

Randal slapped Dante in the back of the head.

"Ah, yes. Thank you." said Dante as he took the cash.

"No problem." April replied as she zipped her suit up again.

As she and Gloria walked away, Gloria said "I think you should keep your wallet in one of your pockets from now on.".

Oh..right. said April as she realised what she had just done.

She then smiled and said But at least that shows I still have it after twenty years. .

* * *

Jordan and Veronica both talked to Frank Castle.

"Nice to see two fellow crime fighters in this race." said Frank.

"Yeah. I heard you were in the race two years ago. I was glad to hear there were no fatalities, though." said Jordan.

"Hey, I do leave some people alive you know." Frank protested. "Besides, I thought you would sympathise because of what happened when you were a kid.".

"I DO sympathise with the loss of your family, but I just wish you could sometimes be content with just scaring the bad guys a little bit. But I was glad you took out that guy Jigsaw.".

"Anyhow, Frank, we wish you luck in the Cannonball." said Veronica.

"You going to give me a run for my money?" asked Frank.

"Maybe, maybe not." said Veronica. "Although winning the money will be a bonus, we have to find someone during the race.".

"Where's Buffy got to?" asked Frank. "wasn't she with you?".

"I think she went to find Daphne from Mystery Inc." said Jordan.

* * *

Eric and his friends sat at a table with Corey and his friends.

"It's nice to see you're in this as well." said Eric.

"Hey, it looks like fun." said Corey. "You just try to keep me away."

David, Darryl, and Elizabeth walked by as Katie was returning to the table.

"Oh, excuse me." said Katie.

David turned to Elizabeth and said "Hey, she kinda looks like you."

Katie promptly slapped him and walked away.

"What was that for?" asked David.

"She thought you were talking to Darryl." said Elizabeth.

David walked away slightly embarrassed.

"You probably shouldn't be that upset at his comment, Katie." said Eric. "He was probably talking to someone who exists in his mind only."

"What do you mean?" asked Roger.

"That guy is David Abbott." said Eric. "A few months ago, his wife died of a cerebral haemorrhage. He moved into a new apartment sometime later because the place they shared reminded him too much of her. However, after he moved in, he was reportedly haunted by the ghost of his dead wife. They have now built up a friendship and he talks to her as if she's really there."

"Oh, that is so romantic." Said Tuesday.

"Yeah, love surviving death into eternity." said Kelso.

"Personally, I think he's nuts." said Eric. "Basically, I'm going to humor him so that he might spare me in case he snaps."

"You look confused, Forman." Said Hyde.

"There's something about the story I can't quite figure out." said Eric. "He addresses his spirit companion as 'Elizabeth', but his dead wife's name was 'Laura'."

* * *

"I'll bet Phil and April will be glad if we bring back the prize." said Tony Hawk to Bam at their table. "I'm still surprised they let you get away with all the weird and crazy shit you do.".

"Well what can I say? I was born with understanding parents." beamed Bam.

"So, Torquenstein, do you think your cybernetics will give us an advantage? Like give you faster reflexes or that kind of thing?" asked Tony.

"Hard to say at times." replied Torquenstein. "You see, there's still a bit of human weakness because I'm only part-cybernetic. Different cyborg parts of me were created and added at different times, and therefore have different dates of birth and star signs than the rest of me.".

"Oh?" said Tony.

"For instance, my right forearm is Aries, my left hand is Pisces, my right eye is Leo and my left leg is Virgo."

There was a brief pause and Torquenstein then said "So, what do you think?".

"I think you're talking a load of Taurus." said Bam in a deadpan voice.

"Hey, looks like the show's about to begin." said Tony as the Cannonballers turned their attention to the stage.

* * *

On the stage in the casino, a derelict El Camino and a Swedish Stridsvagn tank were parked. The rescue tool known as the Jaws of Life sat next to the microphone.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the Cannonball," announced Toni "I hope you're enjoying the party. Right now, we have a major performance for you. Please give a warm welcome to...Penn and Teller!"

The crowd erupted into applause as the two magicians walked onstage.

"How did these guys become popular?" asked Jay. "Who'd want to watch a pair of guys where one just says crazy shit while the other says nothing at all?"

Then, he and Silent Bob looked into the camera.

"Greetings, Cannonballers." said Penn Jillette, the taller, bespectacled half of the magician duo. "Tonight, we will be giving you a proper send-off on your journey with an incredible trick."

"Illusion!" yelled Gob in the hotel room.

Back on stage, Penn continued. "However, this trick is somewhat complicated and we will be needing the assistance of a volunteer. Are you ready to pick a volunteer?"

Teller, Penn's shorter, curly haired, and always silent assistant nodded.

"Okay, who's willing to step up?" asked Penn.

"I will." said Tobias Funke.

"Then come on up here." said Penn.

Tobias made his way through the crowd and found his way onto the stage.

"So, what's your name, brave one?" asked Penn.

"Tobias Funke from Team Bluth."

"And what is it you do for a living?" asked Penn.

"I used to be a psychiatrist." said Tobias. "Right now, I'm working on an acting career."

"Have you ever played a villain?" asked Penn. "You seem to have a villainous quality about you."

"No, my career hasn't reached that echelon yet." said Tobias. "Although, I wouldn't mind playing the kind of guy who rubs the hero the wrong way and rides him throughout the movie before he gets it in the end."

"Tell me he didn't just say that." moaned Michael.

_"He did."_

"So, are you ready to be a part of the Cannonball edition of our show?" asked Penn.

"Yes." said Tobias. "What do I have to do?"

"Okay, this is what we do." said Penn. "First, Teller gets ready to perform the trick."

Teller gave a thumbs-up.

"Meanwhile, you will be contributing a personal possession to be held by Teller as he performs the trick." said Penn. "I think this will do nicely."

Penn quickly grabbed Tobias' slacks and ripped them off, revealing a pair of cut-off jean shorts underneath. The audience cheered while Tobias looked embarrassed.

_"What was lost on the audience was the fact that Tobias was a nevernude, which is exactly what it sounds like. Thinking the cut-offs were part of the show, the audience applauded anyway."_

"So, how does it feel to be a part of the show?" asked Penn as he handed Tobias' pants to Teller.

Tobias walked up to the microphone close enough to hide his mouth behind it. "I feel like a (bleep)ing idiot." he said.

"Okay, here's what's going to happen." said Penn. "As anyone who speaks Spanish knows, El Camino means 'the road.' But tonight, this El Camino will be the road for this Stridsvagn tank. Normally, this would be harmless fun, but for this performance, Teller will be behind the wheel. Let's go."

Teller opened the door to the El Camino and climbed in.

"Oh, Teller." said Penn. "Make sure you have your seatbelt on. Safety first."

Teller nodded and closed the door. Penn climbed into the tank and started the engine. He then used the hydraulics to raise the front end.

"Check it out." said Jesse James. "It's a low-rider tank."

Penn then put the tank in motion and drove towards the El Camino. He drove up onto the hood of the El Camino and crushed it underneath the treads. He kept going over the roof of the vehicle and on to the pickup bed. After driving over the vehicle, it was smashed flat.

He climbed out and ran over to the El Camino. "Okay, let's check to see if Teller is alright." he said. He tried to open the door, but it was stuck shut. "Seems to be wedged shut. Could someone give me the Jaws of Life?"

Teller walked out from behind the tank, picked up the Jaws of Life, and handed them to Penn.

"Thank you." said Penn.

As Penn stuck the Jaws of Life into the El Camino's window, Teller walked back behind the tank. Penn used the Jaws to widen the smashed-shut window. He then used the Jaws to pry open the door. After he got it open, Teller crawled out and dusted himself off.

"He's alive!" yelled Penn. "Not a scratch on him! How did he do it?"

Teller just shook his head.

"Maybe he's invincible." said Penn. "Maybe he can regenerate himself. Or...maybe he crawled through this little tunnel in the floor of the El Camino when the tank ran over it."

He pointed to a tunnel opening under the floor of the car, then reached in and pulled something out.

"Of course, that would explain why..." said Penn "...Mr. Funke's pants are down here."

He took the pants and handed them back to Tobias who snatched them away and stormed off the stage.

"What an asshole." said Teller.

"Hey, you CAN talk!" said Penn.

The audience burst into applause.

"Thank you very much." said Penn. "You were a terrific audience. I hope you all win the race."

* * *

The Joe team returned to their table, as Missy had finished leaving their drinks in their places.

Missy walked over to join Sissy and Chrissy. As she reached them, Sissy nodded over to the Joes' table.

"Thank God we don't work here or we'd have been fired." she said.

"What do you mean?" asked Missy

"You got those army guys' orders all wrong." said Chrissy.

Missy turned around and saw all the Joes swapping their drinks around.

"No wonder they didn't leave a tip." said Missy.

* * *

"Hell of a party, huh?" asked Ty.

"Sure is." said Trikz. "Hey, isn't that Lidell Rey?"

"Where?" asked Ty.

"He's by the slot machines, but don't look." said Trikz.

Ty looked. Lidell spotted him.

"I said 'Don't look'!" said Trikz.

"Let's see what he's up to." said Ty.

They snuck towards Lidell's position, but the former street racing kingpin saw them and took off for the stage.

Onstage was Toni. "Okay, people." she said. "We've got a very special guest performer for you. Special because this will be his last performance before his forthcoming Asian tour. So, give a warm welcome to the one...the only...Mango!"

The crowd cheered as a short and slightly effeminate man in gold lame shorts and a feathered boa stepped out on stage.

Ron Burgundy looked a bit surprised when he saw him. "I think a friend of mine has a brother who looks a lot like that guy."

"Hello, Cannonballers!" Mango said. "Are you ready for the Mango?"

The crowd cheered again.

"Okay, cue the Prince." said Mango.

Offstage, Thunder Bob slid a CD into his player and the song started with Prince's speech.

**Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to get through this thing called life.**

**Electric word life. It means forever and that's a mighty long time.**  
**But I'm here to tell you there's something else: the afterworld.**

**A world of never-ending happiness.**  
**You can always see the sun, day or night.**

**So, when you call up that shrink in Beverly Hills.**  
**You know the one, Dr. Everything'll Be Alright.**

**Instead of asking him how much of your time is left,**  
**ask him how much of your mind, baby.**

**'Cause in this life, things are much harder than in the afterworld.**  
**In this life, you're on your own.**

The music started.

**And if the elevator tries to bring you down, go crazy. Punch a higher floor.**

Mango started to dance as the music picked up.

**If you don't like,**  
**the world we're living in,**  
**take a look around you.**  
**At least you got friends.**

**You see I called my old lady,**  
**for a friendly word.**  
**She picks up the phone, drops it on the floor.**  
**(Sex, sex) is all I heard.**

**Are we gonna let the elevator bring us down?**  
**Oh no, let's go!**

**Let's go crazy.**  
**Let's get nuts.**  
**Let's look for the purple banana,**  
**'til they put us in the truck.**

**Let's go!**

**We're all excited,**  
**but we don't know why.**  
**Maybe it's 'cause,**  
**we're all gonna die.**

**And when we do, (And when we do)**  
**what's it all for? (What's it all for?)**  
**You better live now,**  
**before the Grim Reaper come knocking on your door.**

**Tell me.**

**Are we gonna let the elevator bring us down?**  
**Oh no, let's go.**

**Let's go crazy.**  
**Let's get nuts.**  
**Let's look for the purple banana,**  
**'til they put us in the truck.**

**Let's go.**

**Come on, baby.**  
**Let's get nuts.**  
**Yeah.**

**Crazy.**

Lidell saw his opportunity to escape and snuck up onstage. He tried to sneak past Mango, but Mango took off his boa and looped it around Lidell's neck.

**Let's go crazy.**

Every time Lidell tried to escape, Mango just pulled him back.

"Tell me I'm not seeing this." said Janice as she and Alice watched from backstage.

**Are we gonna let the elevator bring us down?**  
**Oh no, let's go.**  
**Go crazy.**

**I said let's go crazy. (Go crazy.)**  
**Let's go, Let's go.**  
**Go.**  
**Let's go.**

**Dr. Everything'll Be Alright,**  
**will make everything go wrong.**  
**Pills and thrills and dafodills will kill.**  
**Hang tough, children.**

**He's coming.**  
**He's coming.**  
**Coming.**

**Take me away!**

-"Let's Go Crazy" by Prince.

Mango turned to his dance partner and gave him a quick poke on the nose. Lidell just stared at him spellbound.

The Foyts dragged him offstage. "That's a first." said Alice.

"Mango..." muttered Lidell.

* * *

In the garage, Toby, Lola, and Skeeter worked on installing a flamethrower in the Vulcano.

"Are the controls hooked up yet?" asked Toby.

"Just about." said Lola. "Skeeter, how's the exhaust for the flamethrower looking?"

"Looks clear to me." said Skeeter. "Turn that bad boy on and someone won't hurt you anymore."

"I think we should do a test fire." said Lola.

"Me too." said Toby. "In all my years of working for the NSA, I've always known it's best to find out if something doesn't work in here rather than out there."

"Okay, we'll do that." said Lola. "Skeeter, get clear. We're testing the flamethrower."

"Got it." said Skeeter. He started to walk away, then spotted a bottlecap on the ground. "Hey, I don't have this one." he said.

Skeeter bent down to pick up the bottlecap. The flamethrower went off and shot over his head.

Toby looked at the blast and saw Skeeter underneath it. "Turn it off!" he yelled.

Lola turned off the flamethrower and Skeeter stood up with his cap on fire.

"Skeeter, are you alright?" asked Lola.

"Yeah, I'm fine." said Skeeter. "Hey, something's burning." He looked up and saw his flaming cap. "Oh no." he muttered. "It's me."

* * *

Lidell staggered away from the Foyts looking embarrassed.

"For God's sake! This is stupid!" yelled Alice.

"Obviously, gathering intel is not what these guys Big Boss hired are good at!" Janice said.

"Who needs intel? All I want to do is stop this damn race." Alice said. "Wait here. I'll be back in a minute. I have to go to the Tygrus to get something."

"Alright, people." said Thunder Bob on stage. "Right now, I'm going to get an interview with Natasha Martin, who as you may remember, participated in last year's Cannonball, and has just achieved her first Grammy win this year."

As the band got ready to begin their interview, Alice Foyt re-entered the ballroom, carrying a large crowbar.

"What's that for?" Janice asked.

"To make our presence felt, darling!" Alice replied.

As the Cannonballers and the crowd cheered when Natasha took the stage, Alice Foyt suddenly raised the crowbar and smashed the glass of a nearby pinball machine. The sound attracted the attention of the racers, all of whom turned to see Alice and Janice standing near the entrance.

"Just typical of you people!" Alice sneered. "You have a party just before you set off across the world to violate just about every vehicular law there is. You make me sick!"

"And me too!" said Janice. "We just spent time in prison when YOU LOT should have been the ones behind bars! You're SCUM! Every last rat bastard one of you!"

"You think you're immune just because of that bullshit mandate that borderline retard we call our President always makes. Well, you're not immune from us!" Alice added.

"So you two are back again." said Lara.

"You know these two?" Ford Fairlane asked.

"Yes." said Lara. "It's Alice and Janice...uh.."

"FOYT!" both Foyts chorused.

"Didn't your mothers teach you to remember people's names?" said Janice.

"Well, lady, YOUR mother there obviously didn't teach you the right way to stop the Cannonball if your actions last year are anything to judge by." CJ said.

"Only because she doesn't know either!" said Mad Max, laughing.

"Sons of bitches!" yelled Janice as Alice restrained her. "You'll get yours during that damn race! I've a good mind to take you all out now!"

"Janice, darling, calm down. We'll give them their dues soon enough. There's no need to go off half-cocked!" Alice said.

"I don't care, I'm gonna..."

"SGT. FOYT! ATTEN-SHUN!" yelled Alice, drill sergeant style.

Janice immediately stood to attention. Alice turned back to face the Cannonballers.

"See what good a little discipline can do?" She said. "We just stopped by to let you guys know that you'll have us to deal with again this year. And this time, we've got a lot more support! I advise you all to enjoy this party because once you start the race, you'll be in the deepest trouble you've ever been in."

"Hey, lady. We can handle ourselves." said Homer. "We've always come out on top before."

"Well, we'll just see what we will see." said Alice. "With the allies we've made this year, we should be victorious."

"Aligned yourself with the underworld again, Alice?" asked Tanner. "Surely an upstanding citizen like you must be sickened by having to do that all the time."

"It's worth it to get back at people like you, Tanner. You back-stabbing son of a bitch!" Alice yelled.

"You're great at making friends, Tanner. You know that?" said Tobias.

Woozie entered the ballroom with two security guards. "It's alright, people." said Woozie. "These two were just about to leave."

The security guards began to usher the Foyts out.

"Make sure they pay for the pinball machine." Tommy yelled.

"Now, for a little drink." said Howard as he turned to try and draw Sissy's attention.

Sissy just nodded to Chrissy and Missy and gestured for them to follow her out of the ballroom.

"Excuse me?" Howard yelled. The girls ignored him as they followed the security people out. "It's because I'm a duck, isn't it?" Howard said angrily.

Outside...

As the two Foyts headed towards their car, Sissy and her accomplices ran up to them.

"Excuse us! Ms. Foyt!" said Sissy.

"Yes?" said both Alice and Janice as they turned around.

"We understand that you have plans to stop the race." said Chrissy. "Well, we want to help."

"Are you serious?" both Foyts chorused.

"Absolutely." said Sissy. "We owe one team in the race some MAJOR payback. And we figure that by helping you to make sure they don't end up with that $500 million is a perfect way to stick it to them.".

"Ah, you have a great motivation." said Alice. "Do you have a vehicle?".

"Only a stolen police cruiser, which probably has an APB out about it now. said Chrissy.

"Well, then." said Janice as she took out a piece of paper. "Head to this address ASAP. Some more of our people are meeting with our employer there."

He's helping prepare anti-Cannonball vehicles. We re sure he can dig up a set of suitable wheels for you. said Alice.

"Thanks. You can count on us!" said Sissy as she and her cohorts headed for their purloined squad car.

Back inside...

"Anyway, now that that's over with, let's get on with our interview with Ms. Martin." said Toni as she approached Natasha onstage. "Now, then..."

Suddenly, Toni was interrupted by a loud honk.

Everyone turned and saw that the revolting and offensive Yucko The Clown had entered the ballroom.

"HIYA, LOSERS!" he yelled at the top of his voice. "I'm Yucko The Clown and I'm here at the beginning of the Cannonball! Ah, who gives a flying (bleep)?".

Marge Simpson gasped in horror at his language.

"Seriously, though, this race should be made part of the Special Olympics...'cause you guys are a bunch of complete freaking' retards!" Yucko yelled as he honked his horn again.

"Hey, pal." said Priss as she came over. "I think you should just..."

Yucko turned to face Priss and took in her rather tomboyish biker look.

"Whoa! This I didn't expect." he said. "I heard the Dixie Chicks were in town, but it looks like I found a chick with a dick instead!". He then laughed obnoxiously.

"Hey, shut up, jerk!" Homer yelled over.

"Well if it ain't Homo Simpson!" Yucko said. "I see you're eating Italian there. Ya leave any food in Italy, ya pudgy bastard?".

Homer growled.

"Seriously, though. I think your wife needs her eyes examined if she thinks you're a looker!" Yucko continued. "Hey, Marge, wanna make twenty bucks the hard way?".

Marge jumped up out of her seat. Mack and Nick came over and restrained her while Casey went right over to Yucko.

"I think you may want to try being a bit less 'funny', pal." Casey said.

"Ooooh! A Power Ranger!" Yucko said sarcastically. "Why don't you jack-offs go back to fighting those lame-ass Godzilla rejects? And your Kung Fu, chop suey, I don't know what crap is useless!".

"Stand aside. I'll handle this." said Misty as she headed over to Yucko.

"OH, hey little girl!" said Yucko. "Your mom know you're out this late? Ain't you one of those Poke-thingy trainers?".

"Yes, I am!" Misty said firmly.

"There's a poke-thing called a Lickylicky, right?" asked Yucko. "How'd you like to 'licky licky' my butthole, sweetheart?".

Misty suddenly swung her foot up and kicked Yucko in the groin. As he groaned, Misty pulled out her trusty mallet and delivered a blow to his head, knocking him out.

Jessie cheered, despite her normal hatred of Misty. "You go, girl!" she cheered.

"Thank you very much." said Misty as she smoothed her eyebrows over. She then put her mallet away.

"Gallagher's got nothing on you, Misty." Ron said, amazed.

The Impossibles came over and escorted the unconscious Yucko out of the ballroom.

"How did that asshole get in here?" asked Natasha onstage.

"I don't know, but hopefully now, this interview should go off without a hitch." said Thunder Bob.

"Well, to be fair, all I really wanted to say was that I'm glad to see my old gal pal Lara back this year." said Natasha as she waved to Lara in the crowd. "I hope you can do what we did last year and claim the big prize! Good luck to you!".

"Thanks." Lara called out. "And you have good luck with the new album!".

* * *

A short time later, Shrek and Brodie had managed to get to talk to each other.

"So, then. You're Captain Chaos this year?" Shrek asked.

"Yep, and I see that you're Captain Fury." said Brodie.

"It'll be nothing personal, but I DO intend to walk away as a victor this year." said Shrek. "But, if needed, we WILL fight for the forces of good."

He then paused and said "I sounded like something out of a cheesy cartoon there, didn't I?"

"I wouldn't worry." said Brodie. "My intentions are the same.".

J.J. and Victor approached them.

"Hey guys, I know you've both been training with the masks and the cars for the last few months." said Victor. "But J.J. and I just want to see how boned-up you are."

"Yeah, so Brock and the management devised a series of tests for both of you." said J.J.

"Tonight?" asked Brodie.

"Yeah, tonight." said Victor. "So just follow us, and bring your car keys.".

"Won't the other racers miss us?" asked Brodie.

"Nah, it's okay. They're busy right now making final adjustments to the cars." said J.J.

"I'll just let Fiona know." said Shrek.

* * *

In the garage...

"Right now, the Cannonballers are making some adjustments to their cars." announced Ron. "On top of that, some, with the help of custom king Chip Foose's advice, are even customizing them. What are they doing exactly? Let's go over to Chip now."

"Thank you, Ron." said Chip as he stood next to the Ecureil which was in preparation for modification. "We're here with Team Midnight Club who are now tricking out their car, the Ecureil. Taking a look at this stage, it's hard to tell what they're doing with it. It looks like we're going to have to ask one of the team." He walked up to Dice and said "Dice, you're easily one of the most seasoned street racers in Los Angeles. Can you tell us what you're planning with the car?"

"Certainly, Chip." said Dice.

He pointed to the cardboard taped to the windows and said "As you can see here, we put cardboard over the windows to improve aerodynamics. This way, the air will flow over them more easily. We can also take a look inside." He tried to open the door, but it wouldn't open. "Oh, the doors are already taped shut. But If you'll just come to the window." He led Chip to the rear window. "You can see we've completely stripped the interior. No seats, no audio cause that's the style these days."

He then pointed to the bare hubs. "And we're also going to put on new wheels." he said. "I believe we're got them...right here." He grabbed one of the large off-road tires going onto the Comrade. "Yeah, what we're going to do is pop these on and we're not going to jack it up or anything. What we're going to do is cut out this wheel well here." He ran his hand over the fender about four inches from the wheel well. "That way, we should have off-road capability and on-road speed."

"Yeah, I can just imagine that now." said Chip. "Back to you, Ron."

* * *

Mortimer, Bella, and Bob worked on the Wisdom.

"My question is 'do we have enough ice for this juice'?" asked Mortimer.

"Plenty." said Bella.

Just then, a pair of delivery men walked up with a large package.

"Excuse me, we've got a delivery here for a Bob Newbie." said one.

"That's me." said Bob.

"We've got a Non-Deadly Robot Crafting Station. Just sign here." said the other.

Bob signed for the station and the men left it with him.

"You ordered a robot crafting station?" asked Mortimer.

"Sure did." said Bob. "I managed to earn a gold talent badge with the one Betty and I have at home. You should see what I can craft with this thing."

Bella looked at the box.

"According to this, you can craft an android with the station." she said.

"I can, but I haven't." said Bob. "Building one is prohibitively expensive on my budget. But maybe I can make one with your help."

"I suppose so." said Mortimer. "And building one shouldn't be too hard. It's only got what? A thousand different parts?"

"That's about right." said Bob. "And the construction doesn't get complicated until step three-hundred and forty-two."

* * *

Rudi Gunn returned to the Panama while reading a report.

"Okay." he said. "I've got a list of sites where the artifacts are..."

He looked up from his report and blanched. Skeeter, Pitt, and Giordino stood next to the Panama which was now painted red and sported an SMA grill.

"What did you do?" he yelled. "That was a company car!"

"Oh yeah." said Skeeter. "It's even better company now."

"Sandecker is going to keel haul us!" said Gunn.

"Rudi." said Pitt. "It came over us all of a sudden. It seemed like the only decent thing to do. Trust me, it'll be happier like this."

Gunn looked at him with concern.

* * *

J.J. and Victor had brought Captains Chaos and Fury out into the desert, where both the Falcon and the Licorne sat at the beginning of a long stretch of road leading across a suspension bridge and through a tunnel. On the road, a couple of Cannonball technicians hosed the road down with fire hoses to make it wet.

"Okay. This is part one of the first test." said Victor. "Both of you have to navigate the wet road at high speed to test your handling skills.".

"Part two of the test is to turn around and drive back towards us after you've been through the tunnel." said J.J. "There'll be a little adaptation to the test on that leg.".

"Is everything clear?" asked Victor.

"Affirmative, good citizen." said Captain Chaos.

"All clear, sir." said Captain Fury.

"Okay, GO!" said J.J. as he activated a digital stopwatch.

The Falcon and the Licorne took off the starting grid and both roared across the bridge. Both cars handled very well, despite the wet road surface. The Falcon led but the Licorne had no trouble keeping up.

As both cars crossed the bridge and entered the tunnel, the Licorne gained a fraction of a lead over the Falcon.

"Okay, guys. Phase two!" said J.J. to the technicians.

They immediately took out several CO2 fire extinguishers and sprayed the wet road so that the water turned to a thin film of ice.

"This should really give 'em a work out!" said Victor.

At the other end of the tunnel, the Licorne exited first and hung a 180 to go back through the tunnel. The Falcon quickly followed and tried to catch up.

As Captain Fury drove on he saw the icy road and clenched his teeth. As soon as the Licorne hit the ice there was a bit of sliding but he kept it under control. Captain Chaos didn't have as much trouble and got a lead once again.

Both cars reached the end of the course and pulled up to J.J. and Victor's limo. J.J. stopped the watch and looked at it.

"One minute, forty two seconds." he said, impressed. "Very good for both of you. Now, let's move on to the stealth test.".

* * *

Back in the garage...

Lola talked to Jerry and Captain Pierce.

"Okay, guys. I've worked out a special diagnostic we can do to the Primus to make it a real Cannonball contender. It would involve really beefing up the engine, adding nitrous, maybe a turbocharger, that kind of thing." she said.

"Alright!" said Jerry. "That sounds like it's gonna be great. What do you think, cap?"

"Well, Jer, remember we have to keep an eye on our finances for a while." said Pierce. "So what I just want to know is how much this will cost.".

"It'll be roughly in the area of $2000." said Lola.

"$2000?" spluttered Pierce.

"Come on, we can afford it." said Jerry.

"I don't know. It seems a bit expensive." said Pierce. "Is it really necessary to trick out the car.".

"You want to beat the others, it damn well is!" said Jerry.

"If you prefer, Captain, there IS a cheaper diagnostic we could do. It would only be about $200." said Lola.

"Ah! That sounds good." said Pierce. "So, what does it involve.".

With a wicked smile on her face, Lola said "Basically we just throw a shitload of parts at your engine and see which ones stick."

After a brief pause, Pierce sighed and said "Okay, we'll take the $2000 one."

* * *

"This is your vehicle?" asked Giovanni. "A Renault Avantime?"

"Yes, of course." said Willy.

"Do you have any idea how badly these things perform?" asked Giovanni.

"It seems alright to me." said Willy. "We've been testing it on the road on our way here and it's done quite well."

Wrench walked over and asked "Okay, who had the Cadillac?"

"That would be us." said Giovanni.

"We finished working on the vehicle." said Wrench. "It should be able to defend itself now."

"Great." said Giovanni. "How much will this come to?"

"That should be about...seven thousand dollars." said Wrench.

"Seven thousand?" asked Giovanni. "What the hell did you do?"

"Well, we installed some defensive weaponry like you wanted." said Wrench.

"Yes." said Giovanni.

"And we've adjusted some of your performance parts." said Wrench.

"Go on." said Giovanni.

"Plus, we rotated your tires." said Wrench.

"Um, okay." said Giovanni.

"And we connected the red wire to the green wire." said Wrench.

"Why? Was there a bomb in my car?" asked Giovanni.

Wrench gave him a doubting look. "Also, we tightened up your battery." he said.

"Alright." said Giovanni.

"And then we replaced the windshield washer fluid with the green stuff." said Wrench.

"Go on." said Giovanni.

"Then, I reached over and scratched my arm, then I just stood here." said Wrench.

"Keep going." said Giovanni.

"And then I took off my clothes and I sat in your car naked and just rubbed my leg like this." said Wrench as he rubbed his leg.

"Did you really have to do that?" asked Giovanni.

"No, I didn't." said Wrench.

* * *

Shavers explained a device he had fitted to the Cavaliere to Team Mystery Inc.

"This is a hundred times better than nitrous oxide." he said as he indicated a hood scoop fitted with a red light. "It's called Slip Stream Turbo, or SST for short."

"How does it work?" asked Velma.

"Basically, when you get behind another car that's going fast and stay right on its' tail for enough time, the scoop absorbs that car's kinetic energy." said Shavers. "When the light turns red, that means that SST is fully charged and ready to use. As soon as you see an opening to get ahead of the other car, press the red button and SST is activated. It'll propel you up the road faster than a bat out of hell, to use the old phrase.".

"ROW!" said Scooby.

"ZOINKS!" said Shaggy. "We could easily win with that."

"That IS a possibility." said Shavers. "But use SST sparingly, as overuse could fry your engine.".

"Okay, that's fine." said Daphne.

* * *

For the second part of their test, Chaos and Fury both drove at high speed down the desert highway with their headlights off. Both used special night-vision goggles and had fitted sound-deadeners to their engines. They had no trouble seeing each other and were also able to detect any nearby speedtrap cops.

Both the Falcon and the Licorne blew past one such cop. HE couldn't see the cars but looked in shock at his radar gun which had registered vehicles going 200 mph.

He switched on his searchlight and looked both ways on the road but could see nothing.  
"Stupid piece of junk." he grumbled as he hit the radar gun.

The Licorne and the Falcon had finished the test and drove up to the limo again. "Well done. That was a great job." said J.J.

"Now for the final test." said Victor. "To see which one of you is better at the quarter mile dash."

"We're heading back into Venturas for that. Follow us." said J.J. as they all returned to their cars.

* * *

In the garage...

"Are you sure you don't want any mods to the car, Mr. Martin?" Wrench asked Frank.

"They're unnecessary. Too many gimmicks make things complicated. I can handle it." said Frank.

"So? So can I?" snorted Ford Fairlane as he too turned Wrench away.

"I wouldn't be too sure, pal." said Darius as he looked over the Overlord. "I think you need all the help you can get.".

"Oh yeah? At least my car looks like a car!" said Ford. "Yours looks like a damn cereal box prize!".

"Ford, I think you should give the matter some thought." said Jazz.

"Or do you not like taking orders from a woman?" Frank asked, raising an eyebrow.

"HEY! I am NOT sexist. I treat my wife with respect!" Ford said.

"Yeah, you do now, Mr. Honda Civic, but I doubt very much you'd listen to her about your car." said Darius. "You really think a '57 Fairlane can cut it against the Bisonte?".

"I don't need to think! I know how good my car is!" smirked Ford. "It ain't braggin' if you got the goods to back it up.".

"We'll see about that in the Cannonball." said Frank. "I suggest you get ready to eat a big plate of crow!".

"You've done it now, you crazy ass white boy!" Don grumbled at Ford.

"Oh come on. You know I can beat him, don't ya?" asked Ford. He got a look at Jazz and Don's stern faces and got nervous.

"Gotta smoke him." he thought to himself. "I don't need nitrous or turbo or shit! I can take him!"

He knew he was getting desperate.

* * *

Skeeter explained something to Buffy's team.

"This bazooka extends from the rear of the car." he said. "You have a targeting system on your heads-up display to help you use it. It's a non-lethal weapon. It shoots out a special adhesive gel which can completely cover enemy vehicles.".

"How strong is it?" asked Buffy.

"When you hit the fire button... SPLURGE! It wallops the enemy hard and petrifies like amber in about ten seconds. It takes an hour to wear off, so by then you'll be long gone. It's specially formulated not to suffocate, though, as lethal force is a no-no in this race." Skeeter said.

"That is absolutely crazy!" smiled Veronica.

"Yeah, ain't it cool?" smirked Skeeter.

* * *

As Homer made some fine adjustments to the Kowalski, Gloria Baker came up to him.

"Hey there, Homer." she said.

"Gloria? Good to see you again." Homer said.

"You didn't think Matt forgot what you did for us two years ago, did you?" Gloria asked. "Well, here's the favour he owed you."

Gloria handed Homer one of the famous high-powered masks that had been used by the original MASK team. Specifically, it was Buddy Hawks' Penetrator mask.

"Whoa!" said Bart. "Thanks a lot, Gloria."

"Will it work on the whole car?" Marge asked.

"It wil with this." said Gloria as she handed over a cable. "Just connect this to your dashboard and you'll go through anything like it isn't even there.".

"Thanks, Gloria." said Homer. "And tell Matt I said 'thanks' as well.".

* * *

For the final test, the Falcon and the Licorne both got ready to drag down a quarter-mile long street in Las Venturas.

J.J. talked on a CB radio. "Hey, Murray, give us a street report, come on."

"All clear, J.J. We're good to go!" the technician replied.

Victor went out to stand between the two Cannonballers.

"Ready?" he asked, pointing to the Falcon. Captain Chaos revved his engine.

"Set?" Victor asked as he pointed to the Licorne.

Captain Fury revved his engine as well.

"GO!" Victor yelled as he brought his hands down.

The two Cannonball vehicles took off and roared down the street. Just as they went, Murray's hysterical voice came over J.J's CB again. "Oh shit! Abort, abort, abort!".

J.J. looked down the street and saw an oil tanker truck suddenly come across an intersection.  
The two Captains saw it too, but luckily were able to slam on their brakes and come to a halt before an accident happened.

"Go back to Jersey, ya morons!" the truck driver yelled at the two racers.

Both Captains sheepishly turned their cars around and headed back to J.J. and Victor.

They pulled up and looked at the two Cannonball veterans.

"Okay. We'll call that a tie." Victor said. "But we know now that you guys have the skills necessary for this year's Cannonball.".

"Thank you, my wonderful mentor." said Chaos.

"Indeed yes." said Fury.

"Okay, let's head back to the hotel. The big race starts in less than two hours." said J.J.

* * *

Back in the garage, Cobra Commander sneered over at the Joe team.

"You military morons will soon taste defeat in this race!" he said.

"You wish, buffer face!" said Clutch. "You just watch your own back when you're around us!".

The Viper team had finished talking with Julian and Frankie who had just added a little extra something to the Asp.

"A cloaking device?" asked Westlake, nonplussed. "I never thought you'd pull that one out of the hat.".

"It's thanks to a special light-warping technology we found out about." said Julian. "It can be of help with any difficulties.".

"Also, I added some nitrous for you, beefed up the turbo considerably and added some special spikes to the tyres for cold weather." Frankie announced. "You guys are gonna turn asphalt to gravel with this thing."

"Here's hoping." said Joe.

Snake and Ethan were nearby, loading the last of their equipment into the Espion and they overheard.

"Light-warping technology? Isn't that part of what your stealth camo uses, Snake?" Ethan asked.

"Yeah. And to think we have computer hackers to thank for finding out about it." Snake said. "Shows they're not all out to ruin people's websites, huh?"

Both men laughed.

* * *

Out in the hallway, Ron and Veronica walked along when they bumped into Bullseye from the C.O.P.S. team.

"You must be Officer Forward." said Veronica.

"That's right." said Bullseye. "I'll be adding air support for the race. Highway will give support on the ground with his cycle.".

"Are the C.O.P.S. vehicles really as high-tech as they claim?" asked Ron.

"You bet. That's why we make sure we never lose them. said Bullseye. "On our salaries it would take over a thousand years to pay for them if they got lost.".

"Well, well. Look who it is." said another man as he came over.

Ron tensed a little bit. It was his long-time rival Wes Mantooth. Mantooth looked very serious, but then broke into a grin.

"Fooled ya there, Burgundy!" he laughed.

Ron laughed a bit unsurely. "What brings you here, Wes?"

"I'm the official Cannonball Eye In The Sky. Helicopter reporter covering the race." said Mantooth. "I just wanted to let you know that I'm willing to let bygones be bygones and do a professional job on this race.".

"Well, Wes, we have no doubt you can." said Veronica as Wes and Ron shook hands. Nearby, Jay talked to Denis and Dane.

"It's serious, guys." said Jay. "I don't want to lose no $500 to that tubby lunchbox! But I can't help it sometimes! You see, my mom was a real potty mouth. Because of her, my first word was the f-word.".

"Wow! That's some achievement!" said Denis. "My parents were more or less the same. At least my dad was. He was impressed when I got put on report in grade school for using the c-word.".

"Really?" asked Dane.

"Yeah. He was Irish, remember? He used it all the time." said Denis.

"Well, Jay, how about this?" said Dane as he took out a pad and pencil and started writing. "This is something a friend of mine calls 'inanity profanity'. It's a list of words you can substitute for any expletives you may want to avoid.".

Dane finished writing and handed the pad to Jay.

"Thanks, man." said Jay.

Nearby, Team Justice League talked to their associate J'onn J'onzz, also known as the Martian Manhunter, who had shown up in his guise of human reporter John Jones.

"So, things look okay to you?" asked Wonder Woman.

"For now, yes." said. "I'll interview the officials while in disguise and pass any new info to you by radio.".

"Great, J'onn. You're a great help." said Batman.

The Flash put his hand around Wonder Woman's shoulder.

"So, Diana. Want a drink before the race?" he said in a flirting tone.

"Wally, shouldn't you be checking our fuel situation?" Batman asked sternly.

"Taken care of. We're filled up with enough to take us out of San Andreas as far as California." said Flash.

"What's the timing like?" Batman persisted.

"It's good. I checked it." said Flash.

"Well go and make doubly sure!" Batman snapped.

"Jeez!" said Flash as he left. "Why so tense, guy?".

"He's tense all the time. Don't you remember?" J'onn said.

"Bruce, you're not jealous are you?" asked Wonder Woman.

Batman tried not to blush. "Of course not." he said.

"Are you sure?" J'onn asked.

"Look, can we please try and be mature here." Batman grumbled.

Woozie's voice then came over the P.A.

"Attention all Cannonballers! If you would like to make your way to the grand ballroom, the pre-race address is about to take place."

Wonder Woman let out a loud whistle in Flash's direction as he headed to the garage.

"Leave it until later, Wally!" she said. "Let's go!".

* * *

Shrek and Brodie had re-entered the hotel and made their way back to the ballroom where the rest of the Cannonballers waited.

"Hi, honey." said Fiona to Shrek. "How did it go?".

"Pretty well." said Shrek. "It was more unnerving than listening to Donkey's singing, though."

"HEY!" snapped Donkey.

Brodie took his seat next to Jay and Silent Bob.

"Be prepared for a few surprises in this Cannonball." he said.

Jay consulted the pad Dane Cook had given him and smiled. "No prob. We can settle these mother-truckers' hash no sweat!"

Silent Bob rolled his eyes.

J.J., Victor, Mr. X and Brock all took the stage to begin the pre-race address.

"Alright, ladies and gentlemen. Here to begin the race officially is the man without whose help we would be lost." announced Brock. "Please welcome, the President of the United States: Baxter Harris!".

The audience applauded as 'Hail To The Chief' played over the sound system and President Harris took the stage in front of the assembled racers.

"Thank you, thank you." said Harris as he got behind the mic at the podium. "It's a pleasure to be here at the beginning of this latest Cannonball. Before we start, I'd just like to say a few words. Anyone here a 'Star Wars' fan?".

Brodie and his team raised their hands.

"Wonderful." said Harris. "I bet you didn't know it, but there are actually some very sexually-tilted lines in the original trilogy.".

Everyone looked confused by that.

"I swear, there are." said Harris, chuckling. "Examples are 'Look at the size of that thing' from the first movie and 'It's possible he came in through the South entrance' from 'Empire Strikes Back'. Or of course there's 'hey, point that thing somewhere else' in 'Return of the Jedi'.

The audience started to look unnerved.

"But my personal favourite is the one from Han Solo to Chewie in the first movie. 'Get in there, you big furry oaf! I don't care what you smell!' concluded Harris, letting out a little chuckle.

Some members of the audience looked appalled by that.

"Seriously, though." continued Harris. "When you get down to it, sex is a very serious business. For example, there are things you may think about saying during the process, but you should probably refrain from them. For instance, one of my interns one time said to me 'do you understand the meaning of 'statutory rape'".

The audience gasped.

"Yeah, really ruined my mood too. Or there's another one which I admit I said once. I believe it was 'I thought YOU had the keys to the handcuffs'.".

Homer laughed out loud, but quickly shut up when everybody gave him harsh looks.

"Or there's one my wife said to me once which I thought was funny. It was 'how long do you plan to be "almost there"?'. Harris finished.

Everyone had gone silent by this stage.

"Oh, come on!" said Harris. "You should loosen up a bit. I was only kidding. But if you DO want to hear a very funny joke, here it is."

"Oh god!" J.J., Victor and Brock chorused as they put their heads in their hands.

Harris began telling his joke.

"This guy walks into a doctor's office. He's walking with a limp, has a bloody nose, two black eyes, various bumps and bruises, a fat lip, several handfuls of hair missing and a golf club wrapped around his neck. The doctor looks at him and just has to say 'what happened to you?'. The guy says 'Well, Doc, it was like this. My wife and I were playing a round of golf. We both ended up slicing our balls into a nearby cow pasture. We went in to look for them amid all the cows. I went over to one cow in particular and notice that it looks a bit uncomfortable. I lift up its' tail, and there, lodged in it's butthole is this golf ball with my wife's monogram on it. So, still holding the cow's tail up, I call over to my wife and say 'Yeah, this looks like yours'. The guy then says 'I don't remember too well what happened after that, except that it hurt and there was a lot of foul language.".

The crowd looked totally shell-shocked by this.

"And people have said MY act is offensive." said Ford Fairlane.

"Those aren't the kind of jokes I normally tell." said Harris defensively. "I'm taking lessons from some comics. Guess there's still room for improvement.".

"No shit." grumbled Darius.

"Anyway, folks." said Victor as he stepped up with a microphone. "This country is lucky to have President Harris here as our Commander in Chief. He has survived at least 32 assassination attempts...by killing the assassins before they could kill him. How's about that?".

There was now a hum of approval from the Cannonballers.

Harris chuckled a bit and then took the mic again.

"Well, in all honesty, the last two I shot in my bedroom when I mistook them for tabloid reporters trying to get some dope on my relationship with Cindy Campbell. Luckily, they turned out to be assassins.".

The audience looked shocked again.

"Anyway." said Brock, clearing his throat. "It is now time to get going, Cannonballers."  
Harris, Brock, Victor, and J.J. walked over to a nearby time clock. Each placed a hand on a scanner at its' base and the clock started ticking.

"Okay, racers! GO!". yelled J.J.

The Cannonballers cheered and ran for the garage.

* * *

"Come on, Jack! Let's go!" Wes yelled to his cameraman as they both ran for the hotel's helipad to get on their news chopper. Bullseye followed suit to start up the Air Raid chopper. As they got there, they found Meteor Man and the Powerpuff Girls ready to take off as well.

"Ready, girls?" asked Meteor Man.

"READY!" Chorused the girls.

"Let's do it!" said Meteor Man as he leapt up and flew off.

* * *

In the garage, Brock delivered one last heads-up to the Cannonballers as they got into their vehicles.

"Okay, if you look in your glove compartments, you will find your CR credit cards for this year." he said. "They work at any and every store and have an unlimited budget for fuel and food, just like last year."

"Got it!" said Bam as he pulled his card out.

"Also, if you activate the switch marked 'comms' on the dashboards, it will enable you to speak to other racers thanks to a special TV device which was installed.

Ethan activated the switch in question and on one side of the windshield, a TV image of Lara's team appeared. He had appeared on their screen.

"Good luck, Ethan." Lara said.

"You too, ladies." he replied.

Suddenly, some static appeared on the screen and an electronically distorted voice began to speak.

"Cannonballers and Cannonball officials. Before you leave we have to give you serious warning."

The image appeared on a laptop Brock was looking at and he picked up a mic attached to it. "Who is this? Identify yourself!" he said.

"call me 'John Doe'." the voice said. "Just that I know the names 'Deep Throat' and 'Mr. X' are already taken. But never mind that now. There are hostle parties other than the Foyts preparing to attack when the race begins.".

"Can you give us any information?" asked Bulletproof as he took the mic on the laptop.

"The main ones you should beware of are a group of mercenaries driving a set of muscle cars. The makes and models are..."

Suddenly, John Doe's voice cut out and the static started to clear.

After that an image of Yucko appeared.

"Miss me, ya little crudsuckers?" he yelled as he honked his horn into the camera. "Try not to park your cars up each other fat asses!"

He laughed maliciously and disappeared.

Snake frowned. "I hope they can get that sorted out!"

"Damn clown!" said Bulletproof. "When I find out where he was broadcasting from I'll book him for interfering in a police matter.".

There was a brief silence.

J.J. spoke up. "Villains or no villians, the Cannonball goes ahead!".

The Cannonballers cheered.

"Now get out there and kick some ass!" J.J. yelled again.

Once again, the Cannonballers cheered and started their engines.

* * *

In Las Brujas, Sissy, Chrissy and Missy had met up with Turbo, Buttons, and the remainder of Big Boss' forces after they had met up with the mobile assassins earlier.

"So, are you girls willing to give your all to help us claim the money?" asked Buttons.

"YOu bet!" all three chorused.

"Then let's dogout the wheels and assign them!" said Camaro. "It's time to TTCANA.".

"TTCANA?" asked Mr. Chairman.

"Tear The Cannonbllers A New Asshole!" the four assassins said in unison.

"I like that." Yuri smirked.

* * *

"Okay, here we go!" said Lazlow as he and the other reporters stood by the garage door as it opened and the racing vehicles filed out one by one to the time clock for the score cards.

"The first car is ready to go, and so we begin the next Cannonball run!" announced Misty.  
Brodie slipped on the Captain Chaos mask as he drove the Falcon up the clock and punched his timecard in it. Soon, the other racers followed.

"In the Falcon, Brodie Bruce." Announced Ron.

"In the Averse, Willy Wonka." Said Veronica.

"In the Peligro, Giovanni Sakaki." Said Misty.

"In the Ambitious, Michael Bluth."Said Lazlow

"In the Sorcerer, Tanner." Said Ron

"In the Supernova XS, Nick Kang." Said Veronica

"In the Vulcano, Lara Croft." Said Misty.

"In the Usagi, Veronica Mars." Said Lazlow

"In the Wisdom, Mortimer Goth." Said Ron.

"In the Kowalski, Homer Simpson." Announced Veronica

"In the Black Knight, 'Mad' Max Rockatansky." Announced Misty.

"In the Bisonte, Frank Martin." Said Lazlow

"In the Reckless, Michael Kelso." Said Ron.

"In the Bonfire, June Tuesday." Said Veronica.

"In the Cowboy, Randall Raines." Said Misty.

"In the Rumor, Dominic Toretto." Said Lazlow.

"In the Ignition, Jesse James, and I don't mean Team Rocket!" Ron joked.

The others giggled a bit but then composed themselves.

"Moving on, in the Battle, 'Clutch' Steinberg." Said Veronica.

"In the Espion, Ethan Hunt." Said Misty.

"In the Megere, David Abbott." Said Lazlow.

"In the Starlight, Corvax." Said Ron.

"Riding the Avenger, Frank Castle." Said Veronica.

"In the Barbarian, Michael Knight." Said Misty.

"In the Asp, Joe Astor." Said Lazlow.

"In the Yellow Bird, Claude Speed." Said Ron.

"In the Road Lord, Mason Strong." Said Veronica.

"In the Cavaliere, Freddie Jones." Said Misty.

"In the Aquila, Storm Shadow." Said Lazlow.

"In the Destroyer, Destro." Said Ron.

"In the Thunder Rodd, Bugs Bunny." Said Veronica.

"In Herbie the Volkswagen, Mickey Mouse." Said Misty.

"In Giselle the Lancia, Minnie Mouse" said Lazlow.

"Riding the Wayfarer, Howard ." Said Ron.

"In the Regalo, Yogi Bear."Said Veronica.

"In the Licorne, Shrek." Said Misty.

"In the Squalo, Jack Colton." Said Lazlow.

"In the Cataract, Dick Dastardly." Said Ron.

"In the Capital, Dr. Drakken." Said Veronica.

"In the Comrade, Skeletor." Said Misty.

"In the Utopia, Seymour Drake, Jr."said Lazlow.

"In the Hellenbach GT, Kermit the Frog." Said Ron.

"In the Overlord, Ford Fairlane." Said Veronica.

"In the Clover, Denis Leary." Said Misty.

"In the Infinito, Batman." Said Lazlow.

"In the Darkness, Rob Zombie." Said Ron.

"Riding the Streetfighter, Priss Asagiri." Said Veronica.

"In the Terrific, Charlie Croker." Said Misty.

"In the Detector, Alex Munday." Said Lazlow.

"In the Maniac 2, Liam O'Grady." Said Ron.

"In the Doomsayer, Mario." Said Veronica.

"In the Ecureil, Dice." Said Misty.

"In the Harbinger, Trikz Lane." Said Lazlow.

"In the Reaper, Keisuke Takahashi." Said Ron.

"In the Panama, Dirk Pitt." Said Veronica.

"In the Firestorm, The Doctor." Said Misty.

"Doctor who?" asked Lazlow.

"Like I haven't heard that one before!" yelled the Doctor as he punched his card and drove off. "GERONIMO!"

"In the Bionic Cheetah, Space Ghost." Said Lazlow.

"In the Tempest, Torquenstein." Said Ron.

"In the Primus, Jerry Davis." said Veronica.

"And in the Red Fury, Casey Rhodes." said Misty as Team Red Ranger punched their card and sped off into the night with the other racers.

"Well, there you have it, people. The race is underway." Said Ron. "And as our racers jockey for position on their worldwide racetrack, we wish them all the best luck."

The Silver Bullet, the Wildchild, the V8 Ghost, the Murmur and Highway's Turbo Cycle all drove away from the Casino as well. Bullseye's Air Raid chopper and the news chopper with Wes Mantooth in it both lifted off from the helipad.

"Okay, guys. This is it." Said Lone Wolf. "Don't get sloppy."

"Hey! I've never been sloppy." Said Richard.

Just then, the Thunder and Juice came driving up.

"Sorry we're late." said Coach Knox. "But traffic was murder."

"Literally." said Warwick. "We had to fight through a group of Dreg Lords to get here."

"Anyways, need any more protectors for the race?" asked Knox.

"I don't see why not." said Brock. "Glad you could join us."

"Alright." said Warwick. "We won't let you down."

"And now, before we go, here is the talented Ms. Linda Moon, Natasha Martin and Barenaked Ladies to give us a song to start things off" Said Misty.

"Alright people, here we go!" said Linda as BNL's Ed Robertson started on his guitar.  
Seconds later, Tyler Stewart started on drums and Linda and Natasha began singing in unison.

**Here you go way too fast.**  
**don't slow down you're gonna crash.**  
**you should watch - watch your stay here.**  
**don't look out you're gonna break your neck.**

**So shut, shut your mouth.**  
**cause I'm not listening anyhow.**  
**I've had enough, enough of you.**  
**enough to last a life time through.**

**So what do you want of me?**  
**Got no words of sympathy,**  
**and if I go around with you.**  
**you know that I'll get messed up too with you.**

**Na na na na na.**  
**na na na na na.**

**Na na na na na.**  
**na na na na na.**

Ed joined the two girls in the singing.

**Here you go way too fast.**  
**don't slow down you're gonna crash.**  
**you don't know what's been going down.**  
**you've been running all over town.**

**So shut, shut your mouth.**  
**cause I'm not listening anyhow.**  
**I've had enough, enough of you.**  
**enough to last a life time through.**

**So what do you want of me?**  
**got no cure for misery.**  
**and if I go around with you.**  
**you know that I'll get messed up too with you.**

**Na na na na na.**  
**na na na na na.**  
**(You're gonna crash)**

**Na na na na na.**  
**na na na na na.**  
**(You're gonna crash)**

**Na na na na na.**  
**na na na na na.**  
**(slow down, you're gonna crash)**

**Na na na na na.**  
**na na na na na.**  
**(slow down, you're gonna crash)**

Ed went into the guitar solo and then he and the two girls started singing together again.

**With you.**  
**With you.**

**Na na na na na.**  
**na na na na na.**  
**slow down you're gonna crash.**

**Na na na na na.**  
**na na na na na.**  
**slow down you're gonna crash.**

**Na na na na na.**  
**na na na na na.**  
**slow down you're gonna crash.**

**Na na na na na.**  
**na na na na na.**  
**slow down you're gonna crash.**

**Na na na na na.**  
**na na na na na.**  
**slow down you're gonna crash.**

**Na na na na na.**  
**na na na na na.**  
**slow down you're gonna crash**

'Crash' by the Primitives.

"Okay, thanks guys." Said Misty as she and the other announcers applauded with the crowd. "There'll be much more action as the race unfolds. We're gonna take a short break now. We'll be back with some news soon. I'm Misty."

"I'm Lazlow"

"I'm Veronica Corningstone."

"And I'm Ron Burgundy. Stay classy, Cannonball fans.".

TO BE CONTINUED...

AN: That was long, but we hope it was good too. The other chapters will be long too, as we have a lot planned for them. So we're splitting each continent into two chapters. We hope that won't be a problem for anybody. Anyhow, watch this space for the USA leg of the Cannonball. R&R if you can. Thank you.


	4. It's Go Time

CANNONBALL RUN 7: HIGH SPEED HEROES

by BKelly95 and The Turbo Man

DISCLAIMER: the usual.

AUTHOR NOTES: Our special thanks to our mutual friend GX7 for his help with this chapter and all the upcoming chapters. Thanks a lot!

CHAPTER FOUR: It s go time!

* * *

"Okay, people. It's only been an hour since the race officially began, but our racers are now halfway to Los Santos." Said Lazlow.

"We're predicting that they should be out of the state of San Andreas by tomorrow morning." Said Ron. "The determination of the racers is certainly showing as they jockey for position."

"With the only desired position obviously being first place, I might add." Said Veronica.

"You've certainly got that right." Replied Ron.

"Some people are a bit worried because of the mysterious tip-off the officials were given by a person calling him or herself 'John Doe', talking about possible hostiles." said Lazlow. "But the Cannonballers are still ready to take on all comers.".

"According to our betting pool regulators, Dante and Randal, leading the pack right now is Michael Knight in the Barbarian." Said Misty. "Let s go over to him now live."

On their monitor, an image of Michael appeared.

"Hi, Michael." Said Misty. "How are things going for you so far?"

"Well, things are certainly exciting." Said Michael. "Hold on a second, I think I see a challenger coming up."

In Michael's rearview, the Asp appeared, catching up quickly.

"Gotta go, guys. Wish me luck." Michael said.

"Good luck." The reporters chorused.

On stage, LL Cool J and Moby were set up to play.

"Okay, it's clear to us that both teams in the lead right now have very high-powered cars." said Moby.

"Therefore, we've picked an appropriate sound." said Cool J. "Here we go."

Moby started the music and a few seconds later Cool J started rapping.

**Raw power, more power, foot to the floor power, here we go, here we go.**  
**Raw power, your power, out on the floor power.**  
**Drum power, bass power, right in your face power, rip it up.**  
**Raw power, full power, out on the floor power, here we go, here we go.**

The Asp came up behind the Barbarian. Joe managed to keep pace with the blue Pontiac.

"Okay, Joe, shall we hit it now?" asked Westlake as she prepared to activate the tank of nitrous that Frankie had rigged up to the Asp.

"Yeah, now!" said Joe.

**Like a bullet from the gun, you're on the run.**  
**We got it if you want some, want some.**  
**Well squeeze it to the last drop, from the bottom,**  
**To the very tip top, hip hop, don't stop, go!**

The Asp rocketed past the Barbarian.

**Go, go, go, go!**

"That wasn t very nice." Said Michael as he watched them go.

"They re using NOS, Michael." Said KITT. "We're coming up to a straightaway. Shall we show them what high-octane is REALLY about?"

"Oh, hell yeah." said Michael as he reached for the button to activate the Barbarian's Super Pursuit Mode.

As the SPM activated, ground effects spoilers extended from beneath the Barbarian's front and rear bumpers. Then an airscoop rose from the hood, the suspension lowered, exhausts extended from the side skirts. Then the roof tilted to become a spoiler and the trunk lid elevated to become another spoiler. Finally, the rear fenders extended to become canards.

The 60s muscle car now looked like a car from the distant future.

**Raw power, more power, foot to the floor power.**  
**Raw power, full power, out on the floor power, here we go, here we go.**

With a mighty engine roar, the Barbarian shot off down the road, with its SPM giving it an almighty boost. It began to make up ground with the Asp with little effort at all.

As Cool J went into the bridge, the Barbarian whooshed down the road until it shot right around the Asp at well over 150 mph, leaving the Asp in the dust.

**We got to give it all or nothing at all.**  
**We got to give it all or nothing at all.**  
**We got to give it all or nothing at all.**  
**We got to give it all or nothing at all.**

"Oh-my-GOD!" said Cole as the Barbarian roared off into the night

"Catch him, Joe!" yelled Westlake.

"No problem!" said Joe as he put his foot down and tried to catch up with the Barbarian.

**Slam dunking state of mind, every time.**  
**Throwing you a life-line, life-line.**  
**Well leave the group shell-shocked from the bottom.**  
**To the very tip top, hip hop don't stop, go!**

**G-g-g-g-g-go, g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-go, g-g-g-g-g-go!**

"WHOO! Guess that showed them for the time being, huh, KITT?" said Michael.

"I agree, Michael." Said KITT.

The Barbarian roared past a state trooper's car which was parked in a lay-by. The trooper was asleep in his car, but the speed of the Barbarian caused the car to rock, which woke him up. As he shook his head to clear it, he looked in amazement at the speed-reading his radar gun was giving him. It read 220 mph.

As he stared at it in shock, the Asp roared past him. He pulled out and gave chase.

**Raw power, more power, foot to the floor power here we go, here we go.**  
**Drum power, bass power, right in your face power rip it up, trip it up.**  
**Raw power, your power, out on the raw power here we go, here we go.**

**We got to give it all or nothing at all.**  
**We got to give it all or nothing at all.**  
**We got to give it all or nothing at all.**  
**We got to give it all or nothing at all.**

"Smokey on our tail, Joe." Said Cole. "Any ideas?"

"Yeah. Let s use that cloaking device the guys hooked up to the car." Joe said. "Cam, you ready?"

"Just tell me when." Westlake said as she stood by the button.

**To the next side, giving it the jazz rinse.**

"NOW!" yelled Joe.

Westlake hit the switch and the cloaking device on the Asp was activated.

The cop brought his car to a stop in disbelief.

"No way!" he said. He then got on his radio. "Dispatch, this is Madison. You ll never believe what just happened. I m going to take one of my sick days tomorrow. I need it."

**Hey, hey, hey slam dunking state of mind.**  
**Hey, hey, hey every time.**  
**Hey, hey, hey ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four four forty.**

'Raw Power' by Apollo 440.

* * *

"Okay, Squeaky." said Big Boss as he climbed into his limo "It's go time. Let's get our guys out there and give the Cannonballers hell!".

"Right away, sir." replied Squeaky as he motioned for the troops to enter their vehicles.

Nearby, Turbo and Buttons climbed into a silver Cadillac XLR. "The Carbon X here oughta show those racers what high speed is all about." said Turbo as he took his seat behind the steering wheel.

Sissy, Chrissy and Missy got into a yellow Chevy SSR truck they had been issued.

"I think we should call this truck the Warthog." said Sissy. "It seems appropriate considering Moby Dick over there." she said while nodding to Big Boss.

"Very true." replied Chrissy

Yuri and Mr. Chairman climbed into a red 1971 Cadillac El Dorado. "Are you sure about leaving your army units until later?" Mr. Chairman asked Yuri.

"There's no real need to bring out the big guns just yet." said Yuri. "With the Shogun here, we can easily catch up with some of those racers. And we'll see if they can cope with our combined forces."

Nearby, a group of the WASP androids got onto a helicopter with Dr. Badvibes.

"Those Wasps had better work, Badvibes." said Big Boss. "Are you sure the Total Anarchy mask is in Oregon?"

"Absolutely." replied Badvibes. "I hacked into the mainframe of this company called Global Dynamics. According to their classified files, they're holding the mask to run tests on it."

"Were you detected?" asked Squeaky.

"Oh, please! It's me you're talking about. I was there and gone before they knew their firewall had been breached." Badvibes snorted. "Now, we'll just go and pick it up. This helicopter's stealth mode will be of service in that respect."

"Okay then. Give 'em hell, you guys!" said Big Boss.

* * *

In the Cannonball betting pool, Dante and Randal got ready to face the members of the band who they were about to let in.

"Well, this is it." Said Dante, apprehensively.

"What are you nervous about?" asked Randal. "We re getting paid a fortune, which is more than we'd make at the Quick Stop. And we get to meet some celebrities. I think this is friggin' awesome!"

Dante smiled and said "Yeah, I suppose you're right."

"It's incredible those gadgets those guys rigged up to the cars. So at least I know now that a flying car is possible." Said Randal as he pushed on a switch and the doors opened.

Rushing into the room first were Linda Moon and her manager Chili Palmer, followed closely by the members of Bowling For Soup and Papa Roach.

"Hi guys." Said Dante. "I'm surprised we didn t get all of the band at this point."

"Yeah, well some of them have to provide music." Said Chili. "But, of course, bets have to be placed."

"So, who are you guys betting on?" asked Randal as he took his place in front of the computer.

"My old partner Tommy is in the race, so I'd like to put up one mil on the Yellow Bird." Said Chili.

"One mil on the Yellow Bird it is." Said Randal as he entered the data. "Ms. Moon?"

"I'm putting up $500,000 on the Bisonte." Said Linda. "It looks tough enough to win."

Jaret Reddick and Chris Burney of Bowling For Soup then approached.

"We'd like to wager $200,000 on the Overlord." Said Jaret.

"All of the band?" asked Dante.

"No, just the two of us." Said Jaret. "Erik and Gary want to bet the same amount on the Bonfire."

"I think that team's fashion sense reminds them of that song we did, '1985'." Said Chris.

"By any chance, will you guys perform that song if they get ahead?" asked Dante.

"You never know." Called out Erik Chandler, BFS bassist.

Papa Roach vocalist Jacoby Shaddix approached next and said "The band and I want to wager 20 grand on the Utopia. I m sure that Drake guy can pay us back the money if he loses."

"What a hope." Dante said. "You get all that, Randal?"

"Check." Said Randal as he entered the last of the data into the computer. "Okay guys, keep your fingers crossed."

* * *

Trikz drove the Harbinger down the highway through Bone County, at speeds of at least 95 mph.

"Haven't seen anyone for a while. Don't know if that's a good or bad thing." Said Ty.

"I'm sure we haven't fallen too far behind." Said Lana. She then looked at Trikz who had his gaze fixed on the rear-view.

"Why do you keep looking behind us? Is there a Cannonballer coming up?" Lana asked.

"No, but there IS a car that's been behind us this last couple of miles." said Trikz.

Lana looked out the Harbinger's rear window and saw that there was indeed a white classic car behind them.

"So what? It's a public road, T." Ty said.

"Well, we're going about 95 right now, and that guy's been keeping pace with us exactly." Said Trikz. "So I'm wondering what he's up to."

The white car behind them sped up a little bit until it eventually got beside them. They got a good look at it.

"Whoa!" said Ty. "Chevy Fleetline. Vintage 1949. Real collector's item."

"You got that right." Said Trikz who was just as impressed. "Wish I had one for my collection."

The Fleetline flashed its headlights as it kept alongside the Harbinger.

"Looks to me like this guy wants to drag, Trikz." Said Lana. "You gonna give him what he wants?"

"I think I will. Buckle up, everybody!" Trikz said.

Ty and Lana fastened their seatbelts as Trikz put his foot down on the Harbinger's accelerator.

Within seconds, the Harbinger had gained a slight lead on the Fleetline, but the Fleetline quickly caught up and got alongside Trikz again.

The Fleetline kept pace with the Harbinger, and then with a mighty roar rushed ahead.

"Like that, is it?" said Trikz as he reached for the nitrous switch.

The Harbinger shot forward after Trikz hit the switch and gained ground on the Fleetline which was now pretty far ahead.

The Harbinger came up right behind the Fleetline, which then began swerving around to block the Harbinger's way each time Trikz tried to pass it.

"Come on!" yelled Trikz.

The Fleetline swerved to one side and Trikz made his bid to pass but saw that he was headed for an embankment so he quickly slowed down and turned away.

Eventually, the Fleetline shot ahead as the driver activated his nitrous. The Fleetline disappeared into the night.

"Shit!" yelled Trikz as he hit the steering wheel in frustration.

"Well, at least it wasn't a Cannonballer." Said Lana. "Now we can concentrate on the race."

"Yeah. Let's go." Said Trikz as he put his foot down again.

The comms screen on the windshield activated and Yucko appeared on it.

"You got your ass kicked by a vintage car!" Yucko sneered. "Ya goddamn pussy jerk-off! Street racers are losers! Kiss my sweaty ass, ya little poseur prick!"

Yucko honked his horn and then the image disappeared.

"Don't let him get to you, T." said Ty.

"Oh, don't worry. I won't." replied Trikz. "He's an even bigger joke than Lidell!"

* * *

At Team Rocket headquarters, Butch, Cassidy, Annie, Oakley and Domino all sat around a TV set that showed the race.

Wes Mantooth reported from his helicopter, which flew above the race route.

"The race has only just started and it looks like the Cannonballers are not giving each other any quarter." Wes reported as a shot of the Doomsayer and the Peligro racing against each other was shown.

"As you can see, the Doomsayer and the Peligro are running in third and fourth place respectively. A pretty good start for both teams." Continued Wes. "I'll move ahead to Los Santos to see what'll happen there. This is Wes Mantooth, reporting for the Cannonball Run!"

"There's the boss' car!" said Butch, pointing to the Peligro. "They're pretty high up in the ranking, according to that reporter!"

As Butch took a swig of beer from the can he was holding, Cassidy snorted.

"They're only that far because the Boss is driving. As soon as Jessie and James take over, they'll be stuck in the bottom three, I bet you!" she said.

"You really willing to bet money on that, Cass?" asked Annie. "I hate to admit it, but those two did do pretty well two years ago."

"Yeah, Cassidy. Why not make a bet?" Oakley urged.

"Okay." Said Cassidy as she took out a $50 bill. "Fifty bucks says the Peligro is low down in the ranking when they reach the bridge to Europe."

"Just be careful you don t bet too much." Said Domino. "Where are those goddamn pizzas?"

There was a buzz at the main door on the ground floor.

"That must be them." Said Butch as he got up to head for the door.

"You DID remember to order me a plain cheese?" Cassidy asked. Butch froze in his tracks.

"Uh, I think I ordered pepperoni on it." He said nervously.

"You WHAT?" Cassidy said.

"You can just pick the pepperoni off, can't you? God!" snapped Domino in exasperation.

* * *

As the Aquila sped along, Zartan got on a communicator and spoke to Buzzer, one of his Dreadnoks.

"Are you ready to go into the field yet, Buzzer?" he asked.

"We're heading out now, Zartan." Buzzer replied. "We're ready to give the racers hell! Just myself, Ripper, Torch, Monkeywrench and Zandar are going at this stage. But the others are awaiting your orders"

"Well then get your asses in gear!" snapped Zartan as he hung up.

Storm Shadow kept his foot to the floor as the Aquila roared past several cars on the highway.

"Faster, you fool!" snapped Cobra Commander. "We can't afford to let the Joes win!"

"You think I don't know that?" replied Storm Shadow, who then grumbled "It looks like I was right about the Commander's role on this team."

"I see the Joes up ahead." said Zartan. "Let's give them some dust to eat!"

"Absolutely." said Storm Shadow as he angled the Aquila into a safe position to overtake the Battle.

The Cobra ninja then activated their nitrous oxide shot and overtook the Battle.

Cobra Commander laughed triumphantly. "Farewell, Joes! COBRA!" he yelled.

Clutch, who was driving the Battle, didn't look at all phased.

"Are you sure they'll do it?" asked Rock 'N Roll.

"Ain't no doubt." replied Clutch as he picked up the Battle's CB and spoke into it. "Okay, fellas. That red Mustang is coming your way."

"Ten-four." a voice replied.

Up ahead, the Aquila slowed down a little as Storm Shadow saw a truck in front of them.

"That roadhog should pose no problem, Storm Shadow." said Cobra Commander. "Pass him."

"As you wish, Commander." said Storm Shadow as he prepared to pass the truck. Suddenly, another truck appeared on the left side of the Aquila, preventing Storm Shadow from changing lanes.

Storm Shadow went to swerve to the right instead, only for another truck to appear at the Aquila's side and cut that route off as well.

"Hit the brakes!" said Cobra Commander.

"That would not be wise." said Zartan as he looked behind them.

"WHAT...?" yelled Cobra Commander as he looked behind them and saw a fourth truck come right up on the Aquila's back bumper. The car was completely boxed in by the four trucks.

"How could this have happened?" Cobra Commander yelled.

"Easy." said Clutch's voice over the Aquila's CB. "There happen to be some very patriotic truck drivers around who are only too willing to help the US army."

The Battle swerved around the trucks boxing in Cobra Commander's team, and sped off on its way.

"Thanks again, fellas." Clutch said into the CB. "Remember, just keep our snake friends company until you reach the state line."

"Hey, just make sure you do this country proud and win this here race." said one truck driver as he saluted with his free hand. "Yo Joe!".

"Clutch, you are a genius." said Shipwreck.

"Those Joes will suffer for this!" said Cobra Commander. "As soon as we can get out of this, we'll let them have it!"

* * *

Some of the racers had gone via San Fierro and were now on the highway that bypassed the city but had trouble finding the exit.

The Destroyer and the Utopia drove round in circles as signs had been put up pointing them in different directions.

"I could have sworn the sign said turn left but it seems to be leading us back the way we came." Said the Baroness.

"Well, keep your eyes open for an exit! We can't go around here all night!" replied Destro.

The Drake steered towards what looked like an exit but saw that a barrier had been set up. "What the hell is going on here?" he yelled.

On the street below, Bugs Bunny and his team looked up at the chaos and laughed.

"That was a bit underhanded to do, Bugs." Said Daffy. "Putting those fake signs and barriers up. But what the hell, it DOES give us an advantage."

"You bet it does." Said Bugs as he climbed back into the Thunder Rodd and drove off.

Up above, the Drake suddenly decided to take a shortcut.

"Hang on, guys! I see a way out of here." He said as he steered towards a gap in the concrete on the highway.

"Holy shit!" said Ron.

"And he accuses me of being crazy!" said Venom.

"BANZAI!" yelled the Drake as he drove through the gap and jumped down to the street below.

The Utopia landed on the lower street, sustaining a little damage but not too bad.

"Whoa! My life just flashed before my eyes." Said Ron. "I sleep a lot from the look of things."

They heard another engine roar and suddenly, the Destroyer flew off the overpass and landed neatly beside them.

"Thank you for showing us the shortcut, Mr. Drake." Said Destro.

"No problem." Replied the Drake. "If you ll excuse us, I see a Transfender nearby and the car needs fixing up."

"Be seeing you later, then!" laughed the Baroness as she and Destro drove off.

Venom looked at Ron strangely. "How can you work for a maniac like this?" he asked.

"His checks don't bounce." said Ron.

"Now I can see you're nuts as well." said Venom.

"So, darling." Said the Baroness. "Are we going to join that puzzle hunt we heard about?"

"I see no reason why we shouldn't." replied Destro.

* * *

In the suburbs of San Fierro a while later, Sissy drove the Warthog into a long street.

"So, what are we doing here?" asked Missy.

"Just testing to make sure that this device Big Boss' people rigged up actually works." Replied Sissy. She looked to her right and saw a man closing his garage door after leaving his car in it.

As the man went into his house, Sissy stopped, backed the Warthog up and turned it so it was facing the garage door.

"Okay, here goes." She said as she pressed the switch on the dashboard.

The harpoon shot out from it s gun and burst right through the garage door and went through the rear window of the man's car.

"Okay, now we reel her in." said Sissy as she pressed another button. The line started to reel in and the car was dragged along with it. The force of the pull was so strong that the car was pulled right through the closed garage door. The sound of the wood of the door breaking caused the car's owner to come out of his house in shock.

"Okay. Now we know it works, now get us out of here!" said Chrissy.

"Right." Said Sissy as she took out her tranq gun and fired a dart at the car's owner, knocking him out. She then got out of the Warthog and disconnected the harpoon from the rear seat of the car.

As she returned to the Warthog to reel the harpoon back in, Missy turned to Chrissy and asked "Will it make any difference trying to catch a moving car?"

"I'm not sure, but I ve got a feeling we're gonna hook us a Cannonballer very soon." Replied Chrissy.

* * *

In the small town of Dillimore, San Andreas, the Harbinger had pulled into a gas station to refuel.

As Trikz brought the car to a halt, Lidell watched him from the Brigand, which was parked across the street.

"Perfect." Lidell smiled. "Now it's time for you to suffer, Lane."

He reached under his seat and pulled out a sniper rifle.

In the gas station, Trikz and Ty had gotten out. As Ty went to refuel the Harbinger, Trikz suddenly froze. Parked at a pump further down was the white '49 Fleetline they had raced before.

"Check it out." Trikz called to Ty.

A man in a grey suit with brown hair and blue eyes walked out of the gas station carrying a cappuccino in a plastic cup.

"See anything you like?" he asked Trikz.

"This your car, man?" Trikz asked.

"You bet she's mine." Said the man. "I hope you realize it was nothing personal when I kicked your ass on the road an hour ago."

Ty had wandered over. "So, I guess that means this Fleetline ain't stock." He said.

"Far from it, in fact." the Fleetline's driver said. "Got a 454 big block in her. Nothing like American muscle."

"Yeah, well it's a good job you re not in the Cannonball." Said Trikz.

"You're racing in the Cannonball?" the driver asked. "You think you can cut it?"

"With this car, anything's possible." Said Trikz as he proudly pointed to the Harbinger.

"Hey, listen, pal. I have an idea." The Fleetline guy said. "I know it's too late to officially enter the Cannonball, but I've got nothing better to do. So what do you say we have a little side wager. We race around the world. For slips."

Trikz and Ty looked at the man as if he had two heads.

"You're kidding, right?" said Ty.

"Hell no." said the guy. "I love a challenge. And this should be a great one.".

Trikz and Ty looked at each other, unsure. Neither of them had realized that Lana had been listening in.

"Take the offer, Trikz. We owe this guy for smoking us back there." She said. "Or are you too scared?"

Trikz looked the Fleetline guy straight in the eye and said. "Okay, mister. You re on."

"Great. Let's go." Said the guy as he got back into the Fleetline.

Across the street, Lidell had lined up Trikz in the crosshairs of his rifle.

"Good night, sweet prince." He said.

Suddenly he froze and got a mental image of his dance with Mango at the pre-race party.

As he sat there, reliving his trauma, the Fleetline and the Harbinger had both taken off on the road, neither noticing Lidell.

"Mango!" Lidell suddenly yelled. He snapped out of his reverie with a shudder. He then looked to see a police officer standing at the door of the Brigand. "Damn." Lidell said.

"Indeed, yes." Said the officer. "You got a permit for that weapon, mister?"

"Leave me alone!" yelled Lidell. He tried to escape, but his seat belt held him in place.

* * *

In Race Central, a red light on Brock's desk flashed.

"Ah, looks like these guys are ready to enter the puzzle hunt." said Brock.

He activated a communications screen on the wall and watched as the images of the Puzzle Hunt volunteers appeared on it.

"Welcome to the first Cannonball Run puzzle hunt. Who have I got on the line?".

"It's Howard T. Duck here, Mr. Yates." Howard replied.

"Destro here." said Destro.

"Charlie Croker and team." replied Charlie.

"It's the one and only Drake here, Brock." said the Drake.

"Mortimer Goth reporting for the puzzle hunt." said Mortimer.

"Joe Astor here, Brock." said Joe.

"Well, it's good to see you all remembered the rule of there only being six teams per hunt. Okay, here is my first clue for the USA: where were you at the end of the Cannonball two years ago? When you figure out where that location is, follow the signs to the next clue. Did you all get the clue?"

Everyone on the screen responded positively.

"Alright then. Good luck and happy hunting." said Brock as he severed communications.

The Drake switched his screen off.

"We need to figure out that clue. Talk about cryptic.".

"Just a minute. I think I might know what it means." said Venom. "I was talking to that guy Vince who's on Toretto's team. He told me that the race two years ago ended at the Grand Canyon.".

"You think that's the location?" asked the Drake.

"Well, think about it." said Venom. "He couldn't possibly mean a location each one of us were in two years ago. We were all doing different things."

"Venom, you know you're a genius." said Ron as he and the Drake smiled.

"Well, you didn't hire me for my charming personality." smirked Venom.

The Drake looked in his rearview and saw the four other cars in the puzzle hunt coming up fast.

"Okay, let's get the lead out." the Drake said as he stomped on the Utopia's accelerator.

"We must follow them!" said the Baroness. "The fact that they're moving so fast means that they figured out the clue.".

"Certainly, my dear Baroness." said Destro.

Suddenly, the Wayfarer swerved through the narrow gaps between each car and took the lead.

"Catch me if you can, fellas!" said Howard as he sped on.

The others sped up to try and catch him. As he looked ahead, he saw a truck with a box trailer full of soccer balls.

"A bit sneaky, but if it works, it works." he said to himself.

He sped up the Wayfarer until he got right behind the truck.

Taking one hand off the handlebar, he reached forward and opened the back of the trailer, releasing the soccer balls.

He swerved quickly to avoid the spilling balls and passed the truck.

"See ya! Wouldn't want to be ya!" he laughed as he hit his super speed switch and roared off.

The Asp and the Terrific came up on the soccer balls in the road and swerved like mad to avoid the obstacles.

Joe handled the wheel excellently.

"Thank god not all my memory was wiped." he said as he handled the turns.

"Pretty damn sneaky of that duck if you ask me." said Cole.

"What do you expect?" asked Westlake. "Though to be honest, if he were a weasel and not a duck, I'd have thought it more typical of his species.".

The Terrific had difficulty avoiding the balls.

"Easy, Stella!" said Lyle.

"I'm doing the best I can!" she said. "At least we're avoiding them."

* * *

Meanwhile, on a bending road next to the sea approaching Los Santos, Brodie drove the Falcon carefully through the twists and turns on the road. He wore the Chaos mask.

"Hold on tight, good citizens! We shall soon catch up with the pack!" he said as he took another swerve around a hairpin turn.

"Hey, Chaos, are you good at drifting and all that kinda shit?" asked Jay.

"When the situation calls for it, good citizen Jay, but I don t want to try something too complicated this early in the race." Said Brodie.

Silent Bob tapped Jay on the shoulder and pointed to something behind them.

Behind them, the Cataract negotiated the same turns and gained ground on them.

"Aw, shit! We got some melonfarmers coming up behind us!" said Jay.

"Then we must speed up!" said Brodie as he put his foot to the floor, but continued to take the corners on the bending road with ease.

"Come on, Dick!" yelled Snidely in the Cataract. "Can't this thing go any faster!"

"You seriously think I'm going to let that masked lunatic win?" snapped Dick Dastardly in reply. "We'll catch them!"

The Cataract swerved around one of the turns but nearly went off the road.

"Easy for God's sake!" yelled Fearless Leader. "We don't want to end up taking a bath."

"Aw, shut up! I know what I'm doing!" replied Dick.

The Cataract continued to gain ground on the Falcon.

"Chaos, you gotta stop these motherfathers from passing us!" said Jay.

"Hang on." Said Brodie as he noticed a very sharp turn which overlooked the sea in front of them. "Now you'll see how good I am at drifting!"

Taking his foot off the accelerator and pulling the handbrake, Brodie drifted around the turn with ease and after successfully making the turn, he put his foot back on the floor and got back up to high speed.

The Cataract tried the same thing, but unfortunately the car went off the edge of the turn, down the seashore, and into the water.

"DAMN IT!" yelled Dastardly.

"Maybe you should have a look at this book." Said Boris as he handed Dastardly a book.

It was entitled "Driving For Dummies". Dastardly growled at the insult, while Muttley laughed.

"Shut it, Muttley!" Dastardly yelled as he hit Muttley round the back of the head.

Muttley grumbled to himself angrily.

"WHAT was that?" Dastardly asked menacingly.

Muttley grabbed Dastardly's hand and started to kiss it.

"That's better." Said Dastardly.

"Shouldn't we be more concerned with getting the car back on the road?" asked Natasha.

"Alright, let's do it. We have not yet begun to fight!" Said Fearless Leader.

Further down the road, Jay and Silent Bob were cheering.

"YEAH! Captain Chaos, you da motherjumpin' man!" Jay said.

"He certainly is!" said Silent Bob.

"Wait and see, my friends." Said Brodie. "We have a long way to go still!"

* * *

In Los Santos itself, Priss rode the Streetfighter through the hills of the city and enjoyed every minute of it.

On one street, Lt. Amos and Marshal Willenholly drove along in the Nightcrawler.

"HQ, this is Amos. We re in Los Santos, keeping our eyes peeled for Cannonballers." Amos reported. "It's been quiet so far. No sign of any trouble."

"Well stay alert, because that could soon change." Said Banner through the radio.

As they prepared to pull out onto the road leading downhill towards the sports arena, Priss suddenly rocketed past them.

"You were right there, sir!" said Amos. "Cannonballer sighted. We are in pursuit."

Willenholly pulled the car out of the intersection and took off down the hill after Priss. He activated the siren. Priss turned around after hearing it and, seeing the Nightcrawler, accelerated even faster.

"Why the hell did you have to turn the siren on?" snapped Amos. "I was hoping we could sneak up on her! NOW, we've got a friggin chase on our hands!"

"Talk to the hand, okay!" said Willenholly as he held up his free hand in a stop gesture.

Priss swerved into the parking lot of the sports arena after reaching the bottom of the hill. The Nightcrawler kept pace with her and followed.

Amos grabbed the radio mike and yelled into it "Halt, Cannonballer! You are under arrest! Pull over now!"

Priss accelerated the bike even more as Willenholly tried his best to keep up with her.

They still drove around the arena parking lot.

"Are you sure we can catch her?" Willenholly groused.

"Quit worrying!" Amos said. "We'll catch that crotch rocket no problem!"

The Streetfighter continued to hold a lead on the Nightcrawler as Priss finally exited the parking lot. As she did, she went for the bridge heading towards Ganton.

As she reached the other side of the bridge, she noticed that at one side was a ramp leading into the Los Santos riverbed.

"Okay! Let's see you assholes catch me now!" she said as she made a quick turn and headed down into the riverbed.

Willenholly took a hard right and followed her down.

"You ever notice that in the movies there are lots of car chases in storm drains like this one?" he asked Amos.

Priss sped along the bottom of the riverbed and then turned to the right and sped down another long stretch, with the Nightcrawler snapping at her heels.

"Shit!" she cursed to herself. Then she looked up ahead and smiled.

"See ya, fellas!" she said as she steered the Streetfighter towards a large opening leading into a pipeline.

The Nightcrawler pulled to a stop outside, as the opening was only small enough to allow a motorcycle in.

"Damn!" yelled Amos. "Have you got the map?"

Willenholly took a map of Los Santos out of the glove compartment and looked at it. He then groaned in frustration.

"There are about fifty possible exits from the drainage system in the city limits! We don t know which one she ll take!" Willenholly said.

"Well, there are still plenty more Cannonballers out there. And plenty more teams on this taskforce. We ll get em." Amos said.

"In the meantime, do you wanna tell Banner we messed up?" Willenholly sarcastically said.

* * *

As dawn broke the next morning, the Cannonballers found themselves in California. In Los Angeles, the Cowboy drove down Wilshire Boulevard. The streets were nearly deserted in the early morning.

Memphis drove at a high speed down the road.

"No sign of anyone else yet." Reported the Sphinx. "I think we finally passed the leaders."

"Could well be." Said Sway. "This car is fantastic. I think I could classify a Mustang as a girl car as well."

"What kind of girl drives a tricked-out Mustang?" asked Memphis.

"A girl like me." Sway said, giving Memphis a saucy wink.

As they passed a sidestreet, the Warthog pulled out and took off after them.

"Okay, here we go." said Sissy as she put her foot down and matched the Cowboy's speed.

"Hello, what's this?" asked the Sphinx as he saw the truck coming up to their back bumper.

Memphis looked in the mirror and saw their pursuer.

"Hang on, guys and gals." he said as he put his foot down and sped the Cowboy up to 120 mph.

"Uh uh, buddy boy. Not today." Said Sissy as she sped the Warthog as well, keeping right on Memphis tail.

"Okay, Sissy. We're ready." Reported Chrissy.

"Right" said Sissy. "Aim and prepare to fire."

Missy pressed the switch and the harpoon gun attached to the Warthog's rear turned until it was aimed exactly at the rear window of the Cowboy.

Memphis saw this and yelled "Watch out."

"Fire!" yelled Sissy.

Missy fired the harpoon and it shot right through the Cowboy's back window, narrowly missing hitting the Sphinx.

"Bloody hell!" he yelled.

The harpoon latched onto the back seat. Soon, the cable was pulled tight.

"Gotcha!" yelled Sissy as she went to step on the brakes.

"Oh no you don't, sweetheart." Said Memphis as he activated the nitrous oxide in the Cowboy and it took off at a high speed. The pull was so strong, it caused the cable on the harpoon to snap.

Sissy and her friends looked on in shock as the Cowboy drove off at high speed, while they had lost their harpoon.

"I was not expecting that." Said Missy.

"What do I do with this thing?" asked the Sphinx as he pulled the harpoon out of the back seat.

"I think we should hold onto it. Stop those guys from trying to use it again." Said Sway.

"Good point." Said Memphis. "We'll just stop off at Otto's to get the rear window fixed."

* * *

Meanwhile, the Vulcano pulled up alongside the Infinito at the start of a long stretch of highway.

"So, Bats." Said Joanna to Batman. "What was it you wanted us for?"

"This is the highway leading to Vegas. It's a four-hour drive at normal speed. But I ve heard that if you can go faster than 200 mph, you can make it there in just under two hours." Said Batman.

"We're not proposing that we race all the way to Vegas." Added Wonder Woman. "Batman knows a desert hotel about fifty miles away. It's called the Hacienda Hotel. We want to see which Italian car is superior: the Ferrari or the Lamborghini.".

"Both are pretty powerful in their own right." Said Lara. "But in OUR experience, it's not the car but the driver who determines superiority."

"Yeah. And in this case, the driver happens to be me." Joanna said as she winked.

"Yeah, well I bet I could outrun both cars." Said the Flash.

"That would be cheating, wouldn't it?" asked Anna.

"Just stating a fact." the Flash replied.

"Easy, Flash." said Batman. "We're just going to use the cars this time.".

"So, let me guess. First one to the hotel wins." Said Anna.

"Exactly." said Wonder Woman. "Last one there pays for the gas."

"You're on." Said Nina.

"Right. The race should take between 30-40 minutes, IF you can go faster than 150 mph." Said the Flash.

"Okay. Let's go." said Joanna as she revved the engine of the Vulcano.

* * *

"Okay, folks. The Justice League representatives and Lara's team are going to race." said Ron. He turned to Linda Moon and Pink who had taken the stage and asked "Can you give us some appropriate music, ladies?"

"Oh, hell yeah." said Linda as the song started to play.

* * *

As the song s intro was played, the Infinito and the Vulcano took off from the starting position, with the Infinito taking a slight lead. As Linda's vocals started, the Vulcano sped up to around 100 mph and made its bid to pass.

**I've been looking for a driver who is qualified.**  
**So if you think that you're the one step into my ride.**  
**I'm a fine-tuned supersonic speed machine.**  
**With a sunroof top and a gangster lean.**

Both Linda and Pink took over vocals.

**So if you feel me let me know, know, know.**  
**Come on now what you waiting for, for, for.**  
**My engine's ready to explode, explode, explode.**  
**So start me up and watch me go, go, go,**

Joanna shifted into a higher gear and managed to pass the Infinito. Batman grunted and accelerated again, this time to 150 mph, as Linda and Pink continued the song.

**Get you where you wanna go if you know what I mean.**  
**Got a ride that's smoother than a limousine.**  
**Can you handle the curves? Can you run all the lights?**  
**If you can, baby boy, then we can go all night.**

**Goes from 0 to 60 in three point five.**  
**Baby you got the keys-**  
**Now shut up and drive.**  
**(drive, drive, drive)**  
**Shut up and drive.**  
**(drive, drive, drive)**

The Infinito was gaining fast on the Vulcano, so Joanna sped up even more. As she did, she quickly maneuvered around a slow moving car that was in front of her.

The driver of the car looked stunned as the two exotics whooshed past him.

Pink took over solo vocals on the song.

**I got class like a' 57 Cadillac.**  
**Got all the drive but a whole lot of boom in the back.**  
**You look like you can handle what's under my hood.**  
**You keep saying that you will boy I wish you would.**

Linda rejoined Pink on vocals.

**So if you feel me let me know, know, know.**  
**Come on now what you waiting for, for, for.**  
**My engine's ready to explode, explode, explode.**  
**So start me up and watch me go, go, go, go.**

"That was close." said Nina.

Both cars came into a tunnel and Batman shifted gear again and the Infinito came to around 190 mph, but went no higher.

"Come on. Come on." he said as the Infinito gathered some ground on the Vulcano.

"Not this time." said Joanna.

"Give em hell, Joanna." yelled Lara.

Joanna shifted once more and the speedometer's needle now hit the 200 mph mark. The Vulcano roared out of the tunnel as the Infinito tried desperately to catch up.

**Get you where you wanna go if you know what I mean.**  
**Got a ride that's smoother than a limousine.**  
**Can you handle the curves? Can you run all the lights?**  
**If you can baby boy then we can go all night.**

**Goes from 0 to 60 in three point five.**  
**Baby you got the keys-**  
**Now shut up and drive.**  
**(drive, drive, drive)**  
**Shut up and drive.**  
**(drive, drive, drive)**

Linda and Pink entered the bridge of the song as the Infinito tried to catch the Vulcano, with little success.

**Cos you play that game.**  
**got what I got (Get it Get it)**  
**Don't Stop It's a sure shot.**  
**Ain't no Ferrari.**  
**huh boy I'm sorry.**

**I ain't even worried.**  
**So step inside and ride.**  
**(ride, ride, ride, ride, ride)**

Up ahead, a motorcycle cop had pulled over a jeep for driving with a broken tail-light. As the officer wrote a citation, the Vulcano and the Infinito rocketed past him.

He was knocked off his feet by the whoosh as the cars went by.

"Holy shit." he said as he looked into the distance.

**So if you feel me let me know, know, know.**  
**Come on now what you waiting for, for, for.**  
**My engine's ready to explode, explode, explode.**  
**So start me up and watch me go, go, go, go.**

**Get you where you wanna go if you know what I mean.**  
**Got a ride that's smoother than a limousine.**  
**Can you handle the curves? Can you run all the lights?**  
**If you can baby boy then we can go all night.**

**Goes from 0 to 60 in three point five.**  
**Baby you got the keys-**  
**Now shut up and drive.**  
**(drive, drive, drive)**  
**Shut up and drive.**  
**(drive, drive, drive)**  
**Now shut up and drive.**  
**(drive, drive, drive)**  
**Shut up and drive.**  
**(drive, drive, drive)**

'Shut Up and Drive' by Rihanna.

Later

The Infinito pulled into the parking lot of the Hacienda Hotel to find the Vulcano already there waiting for them.

Batman brought the Infinito to a stop.

"Good race." Said Anna. "Now I believe you owe us some gas money."

Batman sighed deeply.

* * *

In Las Vegas itself, the Bisonte went head to head with the Overlord. Ford Fairlane had not forgotten the feud he had incited with Frank and Darius.

"Come on." yelled Ford. "Get that goddamn Hot Wheels toy out of my way."

"Try and make me, Dodge Stealth!" Darius yelled back.

"Take it easy, Darius." Said Frank. "Don't get too cocky."

"Man, why you so calm?" demanded Darius. "You bustin up my rhythm."

Ford had his foot to the floor, and he managed to gain a slight lead on the Bisonte.

But a few seconds later, Darius shifted into high gear and overtook him.

"I am NOT losing." said Ford.

"Ford, don t take it so personally." Said Don.

"Maybe we should have brought your BMW instead, Don." Said Jazz jokingly. "You know, the one you have a suit the same colour as?"

"I told you we should have got nitrous like most of the other cars, Ford!" Said Don.

"That stuff's for wimps." sneered Ford.

Suddenly, on the Overlord's comms screen, the familiar mocking face of Yucko The Clown appeared again.

"Hey, Nissan Skyline." he sneered. "You done showin what a washed-up Fonz wannabe (bleep)nut you are, or you still tryin to show you ve still got it even if your act is lame."

Yucko tooted his horn. He then began to recite.

"Hickory dickory dock, your career sucks absolute..."

Ford growled and switched the comm screen off before Yucko could get the final expletive out.

"When I find out where that jerkoff is broadcasting from, I m gonna kick his ass." he said.

"Yeah, you and every other Cannonballer." said Jazz.

A police car was parked up ahead, and the officer saw the two cars approaching. As they went past, he pulled out and accelerated after them.

"Cop on our six." said Frank.

"Okay, let's lose em." said Darius.

"Watch it." Don yelled to Ford.

The Overlord and the Bisonte swerved around another car with expertise. The police car couldn't stop in time, but the officer swerved onto the pavement.

He honked his horn at pedestrians as they ran for safety.

The cop car ploughed right through the elaborate front of a Chinese restaurant, leaving the inside of the building exposed.

The angry manager and customers looked to see the cop car swerve back on to the road and then come to a stop.

By this stage, the Bisonte and Overlord were long gone.

* * *

A few hours later, on the road leading to Flagstaff, Arizona, the Firestorm had caught up with the Tempest.

Amy was whooping with excitement. "Watch out, lads. We re gonna tear you all a new arse."

"Oh yeah?" Bam yelled back. "Don't let 'em pass us, Torquenstein."

"I don't intend to." Replied Torquenstein.

The Doctor kept trying to swerve past the Tempest but would have to change back to his original lane to avoid hitting another car.

"Alright, this is it." The Doctor yelled as he finally swerved past the Tempest and overtook it.

"YEAH!" yelled Rory and Amy as they left the Tempest in the dust.

"Uh oh." said the Doctor as he quickly changed lanes to avoid hitting a police car which approached from the opposite direction.

The police car made a U-turn and came after them.

Torquenstein happily slowed down to legal speed and let the cop car pull the Firestorm over.

"Let's see him talk his way out of THIS one." Tony said as they passed.

"Well done." Rory said sarcastically as the Doctor stopped the Firestorm. "What do we do now?"

"Relax." Said the Doctor as he climbed out. "I'll just use the psychic paper".

"Okay, pal, what s the big idea?" the cop asked as he approached.

"I'd say it s like the small idea except big." He then gave a little laugh. The cop didn t look amused.

"Look, I was trying to overtake that Pontiac so I could stop it. It's a Cannonballer's car you see." The Doctor continued, taking out a piece of paper and showing it to the cop.

The cop looked at it. "Steve Loftin, undercover police, eh?" he said. "You tryin to stop the Cannonball?"

"That's right." said the Doctor. "I'm sorry about nearly hitting you in my effort to uphold the law. I hope you ll be successful in keeping the roads safe."

The Doctor gestured to his clothes.

"I know my outfit doesn't look very cop-like, but that was the whole idea. To NOT look suspicious to a racer."

"Yeah, well maybe you should get rid of the bow tie." the cop said. "You look dorky with it. No offence."

The Doctor looked a bit hurt.

"Okay, well, that's nice and clear, officer." the cop concluded. "Good luck to you in stopping the race. Just watch yourself. Some of those Cannonballers are real road maniacs."

"Will do." the Doctor smirked.

The cop saluted the Doctor and returned to his car.

The Doctor got back into the Firestorm's driver's seat.

"Works nine out of ten times" said the Doctor. "The one time it doesn't work is the time to panic.".

Amy sighed. "How did I ever get myself mixed up with you as an imaginary friend when I was a kid?" she said. "To call you a little bit mad is the understatement of the millennium."

"In my opinion, every interesting person is mad by some definition or another." The Doctor smirked as they drove off again.

"Well that certainly applies to you, Doctor." Rory deadpanned.

* * *

Outside a warehouse somewhere in Arizona, three mysterious figures were awaiting the arrival of their client.

"(He should be arriving soon to claim the great weapon we have made for him, nari!)" said the golden-armored Land Pollution Minister Yogostein in Japanese.

"(I bet the Cannonballers don't realise that by burning fuel and letting smoke into the atmosphere, they are inadertantly helping our cause, zoyo!)" laughed Air Pollution minister Kitaneidas.

"(This world is quickly becoming aware of alternate fuels which is why we must do as much damage as possible, ojaru)." chipped in the human-looking Water Pollution Minister Kagaleisa. "(It is possible these goody two-shoes racers may aid such research if they win the grand prize, ojaru.)".

"(Which is why I am glad we aligned ourself with someone seeking to get revenge on one of them, nari!)" said Yogostein.

A black limousine approached the warehouse. "(Here he comes now, zoyo.)" said Kitaneidas.

The limousine stopped and out of it climbed a man in a white suit, who looked incredibly like Michael Knight, except with a moustache and a goatee beard.

"(Greetings, my esteemed friends.)" the man said in Japanese.

"(Greetings to you too, Mr. Garthe Knight, nari.)" said Yogostein.

Garthe, the real but estranged son of the late Wilton Knight rolled his eyes.

"(Must you three always end each sentence with 'nari', 'zoyo' or 'ojaru'?)" he asked. "(It reminds me of those terrible G.I. Joe parodies online that have Serpentor say 'This I command' at the end of each sentence.)"

The three Pollution minsisters looked a bit deflated.

"(Well, he practically did.)" said Kitaneidas. "(Even at the end of sentences that weren't commands.)".

"(Enough of that for now.)" said Kagaleisa. "(Mr. Knight, we are glad that you have joined our mission to claim the Cannonball run prize money by force and bring chaos to this pitiful sphere called Earth.)".

"(It was the least I could do, especially as I gain the chance to get revenge on Michael Knight.)" said Garthe. "(You say you rebuilt the Knight Industries prototype vehicle for my use?)"

"(Indeed we have.)" said Yogostein. "(The two of you are truly two of a kind as you both intend to show your worth to the upstarts who took your rightful places.)"

"(Work on your attack vehicle is just about completed as well.)" said Kitaneidas. "(The Knight Automated Roving Robot has GPS details of where it's being stored. Thet are both ready for your use.)"

Yogostein snapped his fingers and two underlings opened the doors of the warehouse behind them. Garthe walked forward and entered it.

He smiled as he saw, in the centre of the building a black Ford Mustang Shelby GT500KR, with a white stripe down the centre and a yellow light tracking back and forth on the front near the hood.

"You must be KARR." said Garthe in English. "You have heard of our mission?".

"Indeed I have, Mr. Knight." said KARR in his deep menacing voice. "The original Michael Knight and my twin are to be stopped, along with the other Cannonballers.".

"Yes. I hear you have a score to settle against both Knight and his bastard son." smiled Garthe.

KARR rolled forward a bit and suddenly transformed from a car into a giant robot, with four legs attached to wheels, a cockpit for an operator to sit in and many mounted guns.

"Indeed I do. And as you can see, the racers will have to muster all their might to stop me!" said KARR. "The Pollution Ministers made many improvements to my form. I shall not disgrace either of us with my performance. KITT must die!"

"Excellent, my friend. We must move on the Cannonballers immediately!" said Garthe.

KARR let out a little laugh and transformed back to his vehicle mode. He opened his driver side door and let Garthe in.

As Garthe sat in the driver's seat, a helmet was fitted on his head, feeding his brain impulses to KARR. After a few seconds, KARR removed the helmet.

"Now, Mr. Knight, we are one!" said KARR triumphantly. "And now, on to victory!"

"But first, stop off near Phoenix." said Garthe as he checked the GPS on KARR's heads-up display. "There's something else the Ministers prepared for me. Another old and faithful ally."

"Certainly." said KARR as he drove off.

The three Pollution ministers watched the black car drive away.

"(And so it begins!") said Yogostein.

"(Have you ever thought we could align ourselves with that drug lord who is also trying to stop the race?)" asked Kitaneidas. "(He could be our Mind Pollution Minister and complete our group.)".

"(He is too merciful to his enemies.)" replied Kagaleisa. "(Mr. Knight is good enough to do the job for us!)".

"(Not that we are going to sit idle.) said Yogostein. "(We will head into battle ourselves now.)"

"(Brilliant!)" said Kagaleisa.

All three villains laughed.

* * *

The Bionic Cheetah drove through downtown Tucson. Space Ghost, in the driver's seat, and Zorak in the back seat looked annoyed.

This was because in the front passenger seat, Moltar kept messing around with the electronic seat tilt controls, trying to get in a good position.

At one point he tilted the seat back so far that it nearly crushed Zorak.

"No air! Can't breathe! You're a jerk!" Zorak protested.

Moltar tilted the seat forward again.

"Will you PLEASE stop screwing with the seat?" asked Space Ghost in an annoyed tone.

"I have to get comfortable!" Moltar said. "I have a bad back and it hurts like hell. There's only a couple of good positions.".

"How did you get a bad back? From leaning over your control panel all day?" Zorak asked mockingly.

"I help out at a furniture store on my off-hours from the show." explained Moltar. "I got the bad back from moving too many sofas.".

"You should know to transfer weight to lift things." said Space Ghost. "No wonder you hurt your back!".

"Hold on! I think I've got it." said Moltar as he tilted the seat again.

"You're gonna break it." grumbled Zorak.

"You can't break a car seat." said Moltar.

"Wanna bet?" said Zorak sarcastically.

* * *

"Do you see our next target?" asked Chrissy.

"Dead ahead." said Sissy as the Megere pulled into the convenience store parking lot in front of them. David and Darryl climbed out and headed for the store.

"I'm trying to keep my head clear, so no alcohol." said David. "What about you?"

"I'm going to see if they have a co-lah." said Darryl.

"I'll handle this one." said Missy. She jumped over the hedge and headed for the Megere.

Inside the store, David picked up a couple of bottles of fruit drink. Darryl went to the soda case, opened it, and ran his hands over it with his eyes closed. After a few seconds of this, he picked a bottle of soda. They then took their drinks to the counter.

Outside, Missy had used a slimjim to unlock the driver's side door of the Megere. She opened it and climbed into the seat.

She decided to get comfortable before hotwiring the car. She adjusted the seat to her liking, then adjusted the steering wheel.

She then grabbed the rearview and adjusted it. When she took her hand off of it, Elizabeth appeared in the previously covered part and said "What do you think you're doing?"

Missy turned and let out an ear-piercing shriek. David and Darryl looked up from the counter.

* * *

Just up the road...

_"Feeling bad for not doing so earlier, Michael decided to let Buster drive a stretch. Part of this gesture was teaching Buster how to use the Autostick transmission in the Ambitious."_

"Okay, it's really no problem." said Michael from the backseat. "Just tilt the gearshift to the right to upshift and left to downshift."

"Sounds complicated, but I think I can get it." said Buster.

"Are you alright?" asked Tobias from the front passenger seat.

"I guess." said Buster. "It's just that I really don't think I should be using the manual so soon."

"Come on, buddy, you're doing fine." said Michael.

"Trust me, Buster, you should learn to drive using the manual first." said Tobias. "When my brother was learning to drive, I insisted that he learn using a manual. As soon as he had a firm grip on the stick, I had him take me around the block."

Michael looked VERY unnerved by Tobias' statement. "Okay, with that surprising revelation, let's continue." he said.

_"And with Buster behind the wheel, the Ambitious made up some distance. The Bluth family contiued their progress until it came time to pass the Ignition."_

Buster pulled alongside the Ignition and looked to the driver, Jesse, who returned with the "monster stare".

_"Okay, you've got a Chrysler 300C with a five-speed Autostick transmission. You want to pass an '88 Volvo. Which gear do you use? Fourth? Fifth?"_

Buster switched gears and the Ambitious sharply decelerated.

_"Second. A hundred miles per hour, second gear."_

The Ambitious dropped behind the Ignition as Body Drop woke up in the backseat.

"I thought Volvos were supposed to be comfortable rides." he said.

"I had to make some sacrifices for performance." said Jesse.

Body Drop looked around. "Hey, where's Tombstone?" he asked.

Jesse pointed up and said "I didn't want him smoking in the car."

On the roof, Tombstone had the car's luggage rack in one hand and a cigarette in the other. "'Do that on the roof' he says. 'I'm not gonna go too fast.'" he said sarcasticly. "I'm shredding that '54 when we get home!" Just then, the headwind blew his hat off.

"Just relax, Buster." said Michael. "This is the Cannonball. Strange things are supposed to happen."

Tombstone's hat blew onto the windshield.

"That, for example." said Michael.

Tobias reached out and grabbed the hat. He then put it on and started doing a kind of Michael Jackson type dance. Buster and Michael laughed.

Shortly afterward, the two cars pulled into the parking lot of the convenience store where Missy had tried to steal the Megere. An ambulance had pulled up and the police talked with David and Darryl.

"Okay, you two seem to be in a hurry." said the cop. "And you don't want to press charges, so I really have nothing further."

"Thank you, officer." said David as he shook the cop's hand.

"Thanks, man." said Darryl. "If you're ever in San Francisco, be sure to drop by the Abandoned Planet bookstore."

"Okay, you can go." said the cop.

David and Darryl climbed back into the car. Elizabeth leaned over the seats.

"Thanks for saving the car." said David.

"Hey, I do what I can." said Elizabeth.

Darryl opened his soda and looked under the cap. "Righteous! I won a fanny pack!" he said. "Who wears a fanny pack anymore?"

David started the car and drove off. They passed Chrissy and Sissy on the way out.

"We need a new plan." said Chrissy.

"We need a new plan." said Sissy.

Two paramedics picked up a stretcher with Missy on it. "We need a new plan." she said through her oxygen mask.

The paramedics loaded the stretcher into a white 1959 Cadillac Ambulance.

The Monster Garage crew and Bluths climbed out of their cars.

"Hey, how's it going?" asked Jesse.

"Hello, fellow Cannonballer." said Tobias as he extended a hand to Tombstone. Tombstone just snatched the hat off his head and stormed off.  
"Well, somebody is a Rude Gus." said Tobias.

Body Drop noticed the ambulance as the two paramedics closed the rear door and prepared to drive off.

"Hey, guys. Isn't that the same kind of Caddy meat wagon the Ghostbusters have?" he asked.

"Yeah." replied one paramedic and nodded to his partner. "Jared here even named her the Manhattan Spirit to strengthen the ties.".

"Well, treat her like a lady, okay?" said Body Drop. "She qualifies as a collector's item for car enthusiasts.".

"Okay. See ya." said the first paramedic as they climbed into the Manhattan Spirit and drove off.

The police officer who talked to David and Darryl walked over to the store with his partner. "Shouldn't we get back on duty?" he asked.

"Not just yet." said his partner. "Let's get some doughnuts first."

"I think I see our new plan." said Chrissy.

She and Sissy snuck over to the police car and opened the door. Sissy then pried open the steering column and tried to hotwire the car. However, it didn't work.

"What's wrong?" asked Chrissy.

"I can't seem to get this started." said Sissy. "This is Missy's department."

Tobias walked over and asked "What seems to be wrong, m'lady?"

"Uh, we seem to be having trouble starting our car." said Sissy.

"We lost the keys and we're trying to hotwire it." said Chrissy.

"Oh, that's no problem." said Tobias. "Just touch the green wire to the white wire and you'll have it started."

"Oh, the green wire." said Sissy. She touched the wires together and the engine started.

"Thank you." said Chrissy.

"You're welcome." said Tobias. He walked away as Sissy and Chrissy climbed into the police car and drove off.

The two police officers ran out of the store. "Hey, that's our car!" yelled one of them.

The Cannonballers all looked on in stunned silence.

"I've made a huge mistake, haven't I?" asked Tobias.

* * *

Somewhere else in Arizona, the Rumor was caught in a traffic jam. Brian drove.

"This kind of reminds me of that R.E.M. video, only you can't read everyone's thoughts." said Brian.

"Thank God." thought Vince.

"What's the holdup?" asked Dominic.

"It looks like they're painting the lines." said Vince.

"Shouldn't they be pulling over and letting us through?" asked Brian.

"Why don't you pass them?" asked Vince. "Come on, be a man. Show you've got a spine."

Brian pondered his dare for a second, then pulled onto the shoulder and raced past the line of traffic.

"Yeah, that's the spirit." said Vince.

One of the line painters saw the approaching Rumor and said "Hey, they're messing up our work!"

"Yeah, we're flying now." said Dominic.

"Woo!" chirped Brian. "There's the painters. Nice try, fellas!"

Vince leaned out the window and said "Yeah, suck on..."

Before he could finish the statement, one of the painters sprayed him in the face.

Brian cut in front of the painting truck and raced down the highway. Vince looked at him with white paint all over his face.

"Just put on some black eyeliner and I'll drop you off at the next goth club." laughed Brian.

* * *

Further away in the state of Arizona, Mickey pushed Herbie for all that he was worth as he tried to catch up with Minnie in Giselle.

The blue Lancia managed to keep a slight lead on Herbie.

"This is great!" yelled Daisy. "Us Disney ladies finally get to have some fun."

Herbie finally managed to close the gap between him and Giselle and honked his horn as he got ready to pass.

"Come on! Come on!" said Goofy as Herbie finally started to edge ahead of Giselle.

Herbie finally slipped in front and entered the town they were driving to ahead of Giselle.

Waiting for them were some of the town's residents. Anyone else would have been shocked at the sight of them, as they were all anthropomorphic cars. The town was the now-famous Radiator Springs.

The town's two mechanics, Luigi and Guido drove over to greet the Disney racers.

"Pit stop!" said Guido. It was one of the few English phrases he knew.

Luigi drove over to Giselle.

"Ciao, Bella!" he said to Giselle. "I don't care who won! You were bellisimo!"

Giselle honked her horn in reply.

"Hey, Luigi, you should be careful Herbie doesn't hear you flirting with his girl." Minnie said.

"I thought you liked the Ferraris anyway." said Daisy.

"Ferraris are my favorite, but I love all the vehicles from my homeland." said Luigi as he wiped Giselle's windshield and checked her tyre pressure.

"(Hey, Senor Herbie.)" said Guido in Italian. "(You sure can handle yourself well. Mickey was right to pick you for this race)."

Herbie honked in response.

"(Hey!)" said Guido, pleasantly surprised. "(You never told me you could speak my language.)"

"He's a Disney guy, isn't he?" asked Mickey. "We can always understand each other.".

The famous Piston Cup racer Lightning McQueen drove over, accompanied by his tow-truck friend Mater.

"Hey, Mickey, thanks for coming by." said McQueen. "We didn't think you'd find time for a stop during the Cannonball.".

"We'd never neglect Radiator Springs." said Donald. "This town is great.".

"Hey, amigos." said the Hispanic Chevy called Ramone as he drove over. He had applied yet another new paint job to himself. He was now black with red and yellow flames on his hood.

"Can't you just pick a look and stick to it, Ramone?" asked Mater. "I mean, shoot, that's the tenth respray you've had in two months.".

"What, you think it doesn't look good on me?" asked Ramone. "Anyway, Lightning, are you gonna tell the jefe here the news?".

"Alright, Ramone." said McQueen. He then addressed Mickey. "Mickey, we know you'll face some stiff competition in the race, and possibly some danger. So, Mater, Ramone, and I are offering our services in case of emergency."

Ramone extended one of his wipers. Attached to it was a piece of paper which Mickey took. On it was a phone number, and underneath it the words "Anytime, Anywhere, Anything".

"Gawrsh." said Goofy. "That's real decent of you, Lightning.".

"Indeed it is." said Mickey. "This is much appreciated, Lightning.".

"It's the least we can do for the studio that gave Pixar its big break." said McQueen.

"Now go and win that there race, Mickey! We got your back door if you need us!" said Mater.

"Okay, fellas!" said Mickey. He looked over at the girls and said "Ready to go, Minnie?".

"Yeah!" said Minnie. "And this time, I'm gonna beat ya!"

Luigi and Guido backed away to let both cars out. After revving their engines, Herbie and Giselle both took off at high speed.

* * *

At the Grand Canyon National Park, the Asp led the pack involved in the puzzle hunt, having finally overtaken Howard somewhere in Utah.

The other cars snapped at its heels.

"This is kinda like that 'Amazing Race' program, don't ya think?" asked Cole as he looked nervously at the Destroyer, which tried to get ahead of them to cut them off.

"Brock probably got the idea when Phil Keoghan announced for the race two years ago." said Westlake.

"Ah! There it is!" said Joe as he brought the Asp to a quick halt. The other cars and the Wayfarer bike came to a halt around it.

The teams poured out of their cars and headed for a table that was set up near the entrance to a trail. Near said trail, there were six tethered donkeys.

On the table was a note in an envelope.

Cole picked up the envelope, opened it and took out the note.

"Well, come on! Read it!" yelled Left Ear.

"Easy! What's the rush?" said Cole. "I know we're losing positions because of this, but it's hardly a matter of life or death."

"Easy for you to say." grumbled Lyle.

Cole read the note aloud. "Welcome to the location of the first clue. You will notice the donkeys near the entrance to the hiking trail. One member of each team must mount a donkey and follow the arrows on the trail to the banks of the Colorado River, where you will find the next clue. I implore you to move fast. Signed Brock Yates.".

The Baroness curled her lip. "We're supposed to ride those mangy beasts?"

"What? I thought a noble woman would know how to ride." said the Drake.

"I know how to ride HORSES, like a noble woman should, but not a miserable fleabag like that thing!" replied the Baroness.

"Never mind, Anastasia." said Destro. "I will take the donkey for our team."

"Okay, let's get going!" said Mortimer.

"Hell yeah!" said Howard.

* * *

At a native American reservation, Pitt and his team had stopped.

"I'm certain we're losing positions." said Giordino.

"Yeah, if we make stops like this every continent, people are going to get suspicious." said Gunn.

The chief walked over with an artifact of some kind. "All my life, I thought this was something from our tribe's history." he said. "I'm sure it will be much safer in the hands of someone looking to protect its secret."

"I promise you we won't let this fall into the wrong hands." said Pitt.

The chief handed over the artifact. "Guard it well." he said.

"Thank you." said Pitt. "Okay, let's go, guys."

Pitt and his team headed back to the car and got in. Roscoe, Buford, and Junior watched from the woods.

"That's them! That's a couple of them sumbitch Cannonballers." said Buford.

"Why'd they stop?" asked Junior.

"We can ask them when we run them in." said Roscoe. "Come on, I'm driving."

The Panama was back on the road and back on course. Roscoe and Junior were right behind them in the Aggressor.

"I don't see how the chief thought this artifact was from his tribe." said Gunn as he examined it. "The art style is much different. In fact, their artworks are more astheticly pleasing."

"Well, hold on tightly to it." said Pitt. "It's the only one in existance."

"Thank goodness for that." said Giordino.

Roscoe pulled up behind them and turned on his lights.

"Ah great." said Giordino.

"Don't worry, I'll try to lose him." said Pitt. He floored the accelerator.

"He's running." said Junior.

"We are officially in hot pursuit." said Buford.

"Wanna dance? We'll dance." said Pitt.

"Dirk, watch the turn." said Giordino. "Don't wanna end up in the river."

Pitt steered into the turn and pressed the brakes.

"Braking now?" said Roscoe. "Going in for the kill."

He too tried to brake into the turn, but the car continued to accelerate.

"What are you doing?" yelled Buford. "Slow down!"

"I'm trying!" yelled Roscoe. He looked down and saw that Junior's nightstick had gotten wedged between the accelerator and the seat mount.

He started to groan while trying to pull the stick out of its position.

"You're going too fast!" yelled Buford.

"Almost." said Roscoe. Finally, the nightstick came free and he laughed.

Then, he screamed when the Aggressor hit an embankment, flew over the river, and landed on a passing garbage scow.

The Panama drove by on the road. Pitt laughed.

"Ladies and gentlemen, your tax dollars at work." said Giordino.

Gunn filmed this with a video camera. "Sandecker has got to see this." he said.

As they drove by, Roscoe and Junior sat on the doors and looked at each other over the roof.

"Junior, you dipstick!" yelled Roscoe. "Why did you leave your nightstick under the seat?"

"Well, if I stick it in my belt, it pokes me in the stomach when I sit down." said Junior.

"I've said it before and I'll say it again: there is no way, NO WAY you came from my loins!" said Buford to Junior. "Soon as we get home, first thing I'm gonna do is punch your momma in the mouth!".

* * *

Meanwhile, Banner and Bender sped along a New Mexico highway in the Starbreaker, both keeping their eyes peeled for signs of Cannonballers.

"They were supposed to be coming this way." grumbled Banner. "Hope they haven't got wise to us. It would be just typical if we had a mole in our organization."

"You're being paranoid, sir." said Bender.

"Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean that I'm wrong." Banner replied.

Just then they looked ahead and saw the Darkness driving along. It drove at the legal speed limit.

"Well, looks like our lucky day." Banner said as a smile formed on his face.

"They ain't speedin', though." said Bender.

"Well, then, as much as I hate to do it, it looks like we'll have to bend the rules a little." Banner said as he took his gun out of the glovebox and rolled down his window.

He took aim at one of the Darkness' taillights.

"Steady. Steady." he said as Bender kept pace with the Cannonball vehicle.

Banner fired a shot and successfully shot out the tail-light.

"What the hell?" yelled Rob Zombie in the Darkness. He put his foot on the brake and brought the black Buick to a halt.

The Starbreaker stopped just behind them.

Banner and Bender got ready to get out, but froze when they saw the menacing forms of Nemesis and 'Stone Cold' getting out of the car.

Stone Cold inspected the damage to the tail-light and then menacingly looked at the silver SLR that was behind them.

A nasty smile came to his lips.

"You boys just disrespected ol' Stone Cold and his team. And that's somethin' you just DON'T do! AH AH!" he said.

Bender pointed to Banner and said "It was HIS idea!"

"Shut up and get us out of here!" yelled Banner as Stone Cold reached into the Darkness' trunk and took out a tyre iron.

Bender quickly sped off, and the Starbreaker quickly became a speck in the distance.

"Guess you showed him, Steve." said Rob as he applauded.

"Ain't no problem". said Stone Cold.

* * *

Back at the Grand Canyon, the puzzle hunt participants rode down the trail on their donkeys. Mortimer brought up the rear.

"This looks pretty bad." he said. "But, if Howard can use a bit of trickery, then I guess I can too!".

He pulled out a fishing rod which had a carrot attached to the hook and dangled it in front of his donkey's eyes.

The donkey immediately got excited and started to gain speed as it tried to get the carrot.

Mortimer managed to overtake Charlie and the Drake as they rounded a corner which an arrow pointed towards.

"Oh no you don't." said Charlie as he spurred his donkey on.

He and the Drake gained speed as they tried to catch up with Mortimer.

Destro, Joe and Howard all looked around as they heard the sound of thundering hooves approaching.

"Come on! YAAA!" Howard yelled at his donkey as he tried to encourage it to speed up.

Destro and Joe tried to get their donkeys to speed up too, as they were now nearing the bottom of the trail.

But Mortimer managed to thunder past them and head for the sign at the river bank which read 'Finish'.

Charlie and the Drake came in close behind him.

"Bunch of upstarts!" Destro grumbled to himself.

Mortimer, Charlie and the Drake all dismounted their donkeys.

"Okay, so where's the clue?" asked the Drake as the other three reached the bottom of the trail.

"I think I'm looking at it right now." said Charlie as he nodded to two cars parked near the river.

They were both Corvettes. One was a Z06 and the other was a 1963 model.

Destro, Joe and Howard all saw the 'vettes as well and the group headed over to them.

There was a note attached to the side mirror of the Z06. Joe reached for it and took it off. He opened it and read the clue.

"It says 'find the place these cars come from and you will find the next clue'." he reported.

The Drake smiled. "You'd think he'd make it more of a challenge." he said.

"What do you mean?" asked Howard.

"Look at the windshield of the Z06." he said.

They all looked and saw the Z06 had a sticker near the top, saying it had come from Mad Marty's Motors in St. Louis.

"I know Mad Marty personally." the Drake smirked. "I'm sure he'll be able to tell me the clue over the phone.".

"Do not be so sure, Mr. Drake." said Destro. "Pride comes before a fall. I always say that to Cobra Commander.".

"Try not to be a sore loser." said the Drake as he dialled a number on his cell phone and put it to his ear.

After a few seconds, someone answered.

"Hi, Marty?" the Drake asked. "It's Seymour here. Yes, the Cannonball is going great for me. Listen, I believe you might have a clue for me."

After a pause, the Drake frowned. "What do you mean 'what do I mean'?" he asked. "There are two 'vettes of yours here. A Z06 and a '63 'vette.".

There was another pause. "You don't deal classic cars?" the Drake said. "Then where the hell does the '63 come from?"

Everyone else smiled smugly.

The Drake sighed. "Okay, thanks anyway. Incidentally, if that new model M3 comes in, hold it for me. Bye."

The Drake grumpily hung up.

"He says the only place he knows that would deal a '63 'Vette is in L.A.". he said.

"Don't say Nickel Noggin there didn't warn you." laughed Howard.

"Watch your tongue, mallard, or I may cut it out!" snapped Destro.

"Hey! Let's not fight!" said Mortimer. "We have to figure out what the clue really means.".

"Well, it's obvious that it's not just any old Chevy dealership that deals both these kind of cars." said Charlie.

"What makes you think they come from the same dealership at all." asked Joe. "These 'vettes look fresh. As if they haven't been together since they left the factory.".

Suddenly, a thought occurred to Joe. "Factory? FACTORY! Of course, that's it!"

"What?" everyone else asked.

"The Corvette plant in Bowling Green, Kentucky! That must be where the next clue is!" said Joe.

"You think so?" asked Charlie.

"He is a former wheelman!" said Mortimer. "I think he knows what he's talking about when it comes to fast cars!".

"Kentucky is thousands of miles away. We better amscray, post-haste!" said Howard.

"Alright then! To the cars!" yelled the Drake, as the team members ran back for the trail leading back to the top of the Canyon.

"Shouldn't we take the donkeys?" asked Charlie.

"Only if you want to die of old age before you reach the top." said Mortimer as he took out his phone and dialled.

"Hello, Bella? It's Mortimer!" he said into the phone as he ran. "Start up the car! We're going to Kentucky!"

* * *

A while later, in New Mexico, the Peligro and the Regalo raced down the road. James was behind the wheel of the Peligro.

"Can't you get any more speed out of this thing?" Giovanni demanded.

"Hey, you're the one who had the car prepared. You should know when it's at its top speed.". replied James.

"Will you two knock it off? You're acting like children." Jessie said.

In the Regalo, Yogi poured on the speed.

"Haven't heard any news of Dick Dastardly yet." he said. "I guess we can pray that he's dropped back a little.".

"You never know, Yogi." said Ranger Smith. "I think we need to keep an eye out.".

As the two cars passed a turn-off leading to a dirt road, the Dreadnoks sat on the dirt road watching them pass.

"Alright, mates." Buzzer said. "There's our first catch of the day!".

"You think just the five of us can take 'em, Buzzer?" asked Ripper.

"Sure we can!" said Torch. "One of 'em was Team Rocket. According to that TV show of theirs, they're a pushover!"

"Come on! Let's get 'em!" said Monkeywrench as he started up his Python cycle. Buzzer, Ripper, Torch and Zandar followed suit and they drove off onto the road and in pursuit of the two teams of Cannonballers.

Hearing the sound of engines, Meowth looked behind the Peligro and saw Buzzer and Torch come up on each side of the car, while Monkeywrench went behind them.

"Oh great!" he said. "Some heavy metal rejects want to play hardball."

Zandar and Ripper overtook their three team-mates and went after the Regalo.

"Uh oh! Looks like a few hostiles have shown up." said Quick Draw.

"If only El Kabong were here." said Cindy Bear.

"Ask and ye shall receive, fair lady!" said Quick Draw as he ducked down for a few seconds.

He got back up and now wore a black mask, matching cape and hat and held a Spanish guitar.

"Time to give these nasty boys what for!" said Quick Draw.

"Keep your foot down, James!" said Giovanni in the Peligro. The Peligro sped up, but the Cobra quadbikes were easily able to keep up.

"Okay! Get ready to do some damage!" yelled Buzzer as he readied his chainsaw and Torch got his flamethrower ready.

"I don't like the look of this." said Giovanni.

"I have an idea!" said Jessie. "Boss, quick, get my compact out of my purse!".

"This is a fine time to think about your face, Jessie!" Giovanni yelled.

"JUST DO IT!" Jessie yelled back.

Normally Giovanni would have chastised Jessie for raising her voice to him, but something compelled him to do as she said this time.

Finding Jessie's purse on the floor, he quickly rummaged through it and pulled out a powder compact. "Here!" he said as he reached it to her.

Jessie rolled down the right window of the Peligro and quickly threw the talcum powder into Buzzer's face.

"Bloody hell!" yelled Buzzer as he was blinded by the powder. Unable to see where he was going, he drove off the road and crashed his cycle into a river.

"Now, get my nail varnish and give it to James!" Jessie said.

Giovanni complied and James took the nail varnish in his free hand.

"Do the same to this guy?" James asked as he nodded towards Torch.

"Yeah!" Jessie replied.

James rolled down his window, and quickly opened the nail varnish bottle and threw it into Torch's face.

As the red liquid covered his sunglasses, Torch swore and drove his bike off the side of he road. He wiped his glasses off with his free hand to see he was headed towards a tree.

He quickly jumped off his cycle before it collided with the tree.

"Who'd have thought beauty aids could make effective weapons?" asked James.

Meowth cleared his throat, pointed to Monkeywrench and said "We still have this tailgater to deal with."

"I'll handle him." said Giovanni as he took out a pokeball. "Spinarak, I choose you.".

The pokeball opened and the spider-like Pokemon popped out and climbed out onto the roof of the Peligro.

Monkeywrench immediately turned pale when he saw the bug Pokemon. To say that Monkeywrench hated spiders would be an understatement.

"Spinarak, string shot!" Giovanni commanded.

Spinarak shot out its stringy web fluid at Monkeywrench, completely mummifying him. He went off the road an into a ditch.

"Well done, boss!" said Meowth.

"You didn't think I got to be Team Rocket leader on good looks and charm alone, did you?" Giovanni beamed.

"No, because you don't even have those!" Jessie thought to herself.

Meanwhile, Quick Draw aka El Kabong had climbed out onto the roof of the Regalo. Ripper aimed for the car's tyres with the bayonet attached to his laser rifle.

"Oh no you don't!" said Quick Draw as he raised his guitar and smashed it down onto Ripper's head.

"KABONG!" Quick Draw yelled as the guitar made contact.

The dazed Ripper steered his cycle down a nearby hillside next to a bridge and drove into a creek.

"This is getting ridiculous!" snapped Zandar as he raised his laser rifle. "Eat this, funny guy!"

He started firing laser blasts at Quick Draw, who desperately tried to avoid the blasts.

"Quick Straw needs help, Senor Yogi. Is there anything you can do?" said Baba Louie.

"Hang on!" said Yogi as he slammed on the Regalo's brakes. Zandar, unable to stop in time, plowed into the rear end of the green Buick and was thrown from his cycle.

He went flying over the roof of the Regalo and landed with a thump on the road in front of it.

"Well done, Yogi." said Boo Boo.

"It'll take more than these guys to stop the Wacky Racers!" said Yogi as he turned the steering wheel before starting the Regalo again, to avoid running over Zandar.

Quick Draw climbed back in through the window as the Regalo and the Peligro drove off on their way.

Zandar looked after the departing vehicles and cursed.

* * *

Somewhere in Santa Fe, Tanner drove the Sorcerer towards a 7-11. As he pulled into the parking lot, the Supernova XS slipped in behind him, trying to keep its distance.

Tanner pulled into a parking space and stopped the Sorcerer. He got out and headed over to the store with his ATM card ready.

"Looks like he's just going to get some money." said Marcus as Nick tried to back into a parking space without Tobias noticing them.

"Maybe. Maybe not." said Nick.

"Well, he needs it after we took that 500 bucks off him." Marcus replied.

Then there was a slight bump and the sound of a car alarm went off.

Marcus and Nick looked around to see that hey had given a slight nudge to a car behind them, which had caused the alarm to go off.

Needless to say, the sound had attracted the attention of Tobias, who now saw Marcus and Nick.

He angrily scowled at them.

"Shit." said Nick. "Might as well get this over with."

He and Marcus got out of the Supernova while Tobias got out of the Sorcerer.

Nearby, the Shogun had pulled up. Mr. Chairman and Yuri noticed Tobias, Marcus, and Nick about to have a confrontation and smiled.

"Perfect." said Yuri. "Hostility is already there."

Mr. Chairman pulled out a Desert Eagle with a laser sight and put on a gas mask, while Yuri also fitted a gas mask and pulled out a grenade of some sort.

"What the hell is your problem?" Tobias demanded of Nick and Marcus. "We paid you back, we told you we plan to play fair. What more do you want?".

"Well, let's just say that the fact Tanner tried to screw us over that $500 didn't exactly fill us with confidence." replied Nick.

"What were you gonna do with it anyway? Buy your own goddamn donut shop!" snapped Tobias in reply.

"Okay." said Yuri as he removed the pin from the grenade and threw it. "Here goes the Chaos Drone gas!"

The grenade landed a few feet away from Tobias, Nick and Marcus.

Suddenly, Nick threw a left hook at Tobias, nearly knocking him to the ground.

"Not so funny now, are you?" said Nick as Tobias got back up.

Tobias angrily returned the punch. Marcus joined the scuffle and delivered a strong kick to Tobias' middle.

Tanner had withdrawn his money from the ATM and exited the 7-11. He saw the fight and was shocked. He then noticed the gas coming from the grenade, and then saw the Shogun, where Mr. Chairman was lining up his shot. Thinking quickly, he covered his nose and mouth with a handkerchief and took out his gun with his free hand.

"What the hell is this?" asked Mr. Chairman as he saw what Tanner was doing.

Tanner quickly ran towards the fighting trio and knocked them all to the ground. While they were confused, he ran over and kicked the gas grenade away. He then raised his gun and fired at the Shogun.

"Shit!" yelled Mr. Chairman. "Get us out of here!"

Yuri gunned the engine and drove off at high speed. Tanner ran out into the road and fired after the Shogun, which had now gone into the distance.

Tobias, Nick and Marcus all picked themselves up.

"What the hell just happened?" asked Marcus, as the effects of the gas were now gone.

"I don't know." said Nick. "I just felt mega-aggressive for some reason.".

"I can tell you what it was." said Tanner as he came over. "It was a weapon used by this ex-Soviet commando called Yuri.".

"Yuri?" asked Tobias. "Didn't he try to stop the race two years ago?"

"Yeah. It looks like he's returned." said Tanner. "Are you guys okay?".

"Yeah." said Nick. "But I'm a bit confused. You helped me and Marcus despite all the crap we gave you at the start?"

"Yeah." said Tanner. "I told you I was on the side of good, didn't I?"

Nick and Marcus looked at each other.

"Well, hell. Looks like we had you figured wrong, Mr. Wheelman." said Marcus.

"So, does this mean a truce?" asked Tobias.

"I guess it does." said Nick as the two teams shook hands.

"Listen, I got the license number of that Caddy." said Tanner. "It was an Empire City plate reading STM 2088. If you have a computer I think you should run that number through it.".

"Will do." said Marcus.

All four men then heard the sound of sirens.

"They must have heard the gunshots." said Tobias.

"Well, I think I would rather avoid awkward explanations right now." said Nick.

"Motion carried!" said Tanner as the four ran for their vehicles, got in, and sped off as the local law enforcement raced to the scene.

* * *

Elsewhere in Santa Fe, the Capital tried to catch up with the Red Fury.

"Get those damn Rangers!" yelled Mojo. "I hate do-gooders! Especially ones whose TV shows have LONG worn out their welcome!"

"Blame Japan for always producing more of them." replied Drakken as he drove.

"Maybe I should put a bullet in their tyres." Mad Dog suggested. "You know I'm a good shot!"

"Worth a try, but it could end up getting us disqualified." said Shego. "So save the ammo for later.".

"Keep your eyes open for cow skulls or spitoons. If I shoot them I can get more ammo." said Mad Dog.

Mojo looked at him, indicated their environs and said "Reality, Mad Dog. Reality.".

"Says the talking monkey!" sneered Mad Dog.

"Will you guys zip the lips!" said Drakken. "I'm going to kick the Red Rangers' asses.".

The Capital began to gain some ground on the Red Fury.

"Those guys are right on top of us!" said Mack. "You guys got any ideas?"

"I've got a perfect one." said Casey as he drove. "Get the big map out of the glovebox, Nick."

"Okay." said Nick as he reached into the glovebox and took out a map of the USA.

"How's that gonna help?" asked Mack.

"You notice how strong the wind is?" asked Casey.

Mack realised what was going to happen and smiled.

Nick leaned out the Red Fury's window and lead the headwind blow the unfolded map onto the Capital's windshield.

The view through the windshield was completely blocked.

"Damn!" yelled Mad Dog.

"No problem!" said Drakken as he flipped a switch with his free hand. On the inside of the windshield, a computer monitor-like view appeared.

It displayed a video camera raising out of the Capital's hood and the words 'Tactical Camera Operational'.

"Just a little something I added at the start." smirked Drakken. He took his hands off the steering wheel and grabbed hold of a joystick which had raised up and used it to steer the car.

A camera had indeed raised on the hood and was showing the villains a CG-image of the road, the route and all the vehicles on it.

"Wonderful what the right technology can do." said Mojo.

"Okay, fellas." said Casey. "Hold on tight!"

He activated the Red Fury's nitrous and got a good lead on the Capital.

Drakken scanned the route they were following on his viewscreen and smirked again as he saw a shortcut that would enable them to catch up with the Red Fury.

He turned off the main route and headed for a side street. As he turned into it, he bumped into a group of trashcans, knocking them over. The Capital wobbled a bit. Drakken tried to bring it back under control but sideswiped an ice cream truck as he did.

"Shit!" yelled Shego. "You must suck at video games! Let me take over!".

"Knock yourself out!" said Drakken as he grudgingly let her have control of the joystick.

Shego steered the Capital with ease and manouvered towards the off ramp leading to the road where they would intercept the Red Fury.

Mack was laughing as the Red Fury sped along.

"Looks like we're A-OK here." he said. "Let's get going.".

Nick looked in the passenger side mirror and saw the Capital coming down the off ramp and catching up with them.

"Uh oh! We're not out of the woods yet." he said. "Keep your foot down, Casey."

"This ought to lose them." said Casey as he steered into a narrow alley way, which the Capital followed them into.

"You won't lose me that easily, boys!" said Shego. She pressed a button and the view on the screen changed to a view from a camera on the Capital's bumper. She laughed as he rammed the Red Fury from behind a couple of times.

"Get 'em, Shego!" said Mad Dog as he whooped and cheered.

As they approached the end of the alley, Casey managed to angle the Red Fury to avoid a dumpster that was partly blocking the way on the other side.

"Cool move!" said Mack.

"Au revoir, guys!" said Nick as he waved at the Capital.

As both cars exited the alley, Casey quickly accelerated the Red Fury away. Shego shrieked as she saw the dumpster blocking the way on the bumper-cam.

She couldn't turn in time and the Capital crashed into the dumpster. The spilt garbage brought the car to a halt.

By now, the Red Fury had left them in the dust.

"What was that you said about me sucking at video games?" sneered Drakken as Shego glared.

Mad Dog climbed out of the car to remove the map from the windshield.

Up ahead, the three Red Rangers cheered.

"I knew teamwork would help us get an edge." said Casey. "We should never forget about that."

"Hey, I may be a Red Ranger, but I know not to let ego get in the way." replied Mack.

* * *

Jerry and Captain Pierce walked out of a convenience store in Las Cruces.

"And I can't really figure how you can find that line dirty." said Jerry.

"Think about it." said Pierce. "'Let me know if it pops up'?"

"What about it?" asked Jerry.

"Remember what he's singing about." said Pierce. "It's right there in the title."

"Hey, what's that?" asked Jerry. A box sat on the hood of the Primus.

After they got back on the road, Pierce opened the box while Jerry drove. After he got it open, he found a plastic, gun-like object inside with a CD.

"We weren't told we'd be packing heat." he said.

"Is that a CD?" asked Jerry. "Maybe we should listen to it."

Pierce ejected the copy of "Sailing The Seas Of Cheese" that was in there and inserted the CD from the box. Shavers' voice came over the stereo.

"Hello. The device you have received is an experimental piece of equipment. It is a gun that fires microwave energy designed to short out electronic devices. It was based on a piece of equipment in use by an organization called Third Echelon. I must point out that the device requires an hour to rest before it can be used again. Good luck, I hope it serves you well. Now, how do I turn this thing off..."

"Electronic devices." said Pierce.

"I wonder if that would include engine electronics." said Jerry.

"One way to find out." said Pierce. He took the device in his hand and prepared to aim.

A car drove down the sidewalk while the driver hung out of the window and laughed like a madman. Pierce turned to Jerry and the two of them nodded to each other.

Pierce aimed the device at the car and pulled the trigger. The car started giving off sparks and ground to a halt. The driver stopped laughing and looked dumbfounded.

"Looks like it does." said Pierce. He and Jerry joined in an elaborate handshake and howled.

* * *

Near Albequerque, the Bionic Cheetah sped along, with Space Ghost now in the passenger seat. It malfunctioned, constantly tilting various ways.

"Congratulations, Moltar!" Space Ghost yelled at Moltar, who was driving. "You messed around with the seat until you broke it!".

"I will NOT be held responsible for faulty engineering!" snapped Moltar.

The passenger seat tilted sideways and left Space Ghost lying up against Moltar.

"Hey! Buy me a drink first!" Moltar sarcastically said.

Space Ghost straightened himself up. Then the seat tilted far forward and pressed him against the windshield, causing him to make a funny face.

"That's a good look for you, buddy." Zorak laughed.

* * *

The Barbarian and the Sorcerer raced along the New Mexico highways. Both stayed close to each other, as neither wanted to lose this little drag race. They failed to notice KARR hiding behind a billboard.

"Gotcha..." KARR said.

KARR began his pursuit of the two Cannonball vehicles.

"Michael..." KITT said. "That Ford Mustang behind us feels all too familiar."

"You're imaging things KITT." Michael said. "It's just a ordin... Did you see that yellow flash of light from the front of that Mustang?"

"I knew it! Michael, it's KARR! He's the same version your son fought against two years ago."

"Let's lose him, KITT!"

The Barbarian passed the Sorcerer, as KARR gave chase.

"What are they doing?" Tanner asked himself. Then he noticed KARR transform into his robot mode. "What the hell?"

KARR continued his chase of the Barbarian.

Flying above the three vehicles were the Powerpuff Girls.

"Let's get that robot thing girls!" Blossom said. The three super heroines flew and punched KARR, sending him stumbling backward, before they continued to damage KARR. However Buttercup noticed something weird.

"It's got no driver!" Buttercup said. "Where is the driver of this thing?"

"He's waiting for the perfect time to strike against the Cannonballers you just rescued." KARR said. "You won't save them in time..."

"You haven't seen us work!" Blossom fired her eye lasers and damaged KARR even further.

To save himself from destruction, KARR changed back into his vehicle mode and pulled off to the side of the road. The Powerpuff Girls smiled as they saw him splutter to a halt and decided to go on their way.

Once the three girls left, a huge customised black and grey Peterbilt 352 Pacemaker truck and trailer pulled up. It was Garthe Knight's infamous truck Goliath, rebuilt for attacks against the Cannonballers.

Garthe climbed out and helped move KARR into the trailer.

"They fell for it?" Garthe asked.

"Yes... they fell for it." KARR replied.

Then let's not disappoint them. Garthe smirked.

* * *

A few hours later, Homer drove the Kowalski through Austin, Texas, looking for a gas station. He finally saw one and pulled into it.

"I hope we get fast service." he said. "We need gas pretty damn pronto!"

Suddenly, the Avenger ramped off the roof of the Kowalski and drove to another pump.

"Sorry, Homer." said the Punisher. "Didn't see you there."

Homer got out of the Kowalski and closed his door.

"Watch it, dad!" said Bart.

"D'oh!" snapped Homer as he flattened himself against his door, allowing the Streetfighter to pass and pull in to another pump.

Homer then looked around and screamed in terror as he saw the Licorne heading straight for him. He ran towards an empty garage right in front of him as the Licorne followed him in.

He ran through a door at the back of the garage and found himself behind the gas station. He looked around and saw an attendant having a coffee break.

"Oh! Customers!" said the attendant as he threw his coffee cup into a nearby garbage can.

"What makes you say that?" said Homer sarcastically.

Homer and the attendant walked around to the front of the gas station.

"Hey, Homer!" said Shrek when he saw Homer. "Sorry about that, but we just need our tyre pressure checked."

"Well, please be a bit more careful next time, Shrek." said Marge.

"I thought something like that happened at your house all the time, Marge." commented Priss as she filled up the Streetfighter.

"Oh." said Marge, a bit guiltily.

"Okay, guys." said Homer as he got ready to head into the gas station's store. "Do we need any goodies?".

"It's five o'clock in the afternoon." said Bart. "I need some sustenance. Get me a large corn dog and a Dr. Pepper if you can.".

"What do we say, Bart?" said Marge.

"NOW!" Bart yelled at Homer. "Or I tell everyone about you and the flowers."

Homer grumbled under his breath as he went into the store.

"You're never going to let him forget that, are you Bart?" said Lisa.

"Not if I can help it." Bart smirked.

* * *

Somewhere outside the city, at a roadside gas station, the Starlight had parked while Beavis and Butthead were inside the store getting some snacks.

Corvax had the radio tuned to V-Rock. The station had formerly been a station exclusive to Vice City, but had gone national in the late '90s.

The DJ, Couzin Ed, was anchoring. He had just finshed playing the track 'Rearviewmirror' by Pearl Jam.

Corvax smiled and said to himself.

"I wish there were radio stations like this back home" he said. "Love live Rock 'N Roll'".

Corvax had failed to notice the sinister-looking black Dodge Charger with the tinted windows parked in a spot behind him. Sitting in it, drinking coffee and watching the silver Aston Martin with a hungry expression was Charger.

"Okay, my Arabian friend." he said to himself. "Enjoy your little rest stop, because from here on out, it gets nasty."

Charger let out a low, nasty chuckle. Beavis and Butthead came out of the store, carrying a bag full of Doritos and soda. They both climbed into the Starlight.

"You guys get everything?" Corvax asked.

"Yeah." said Butthead. "We even got a big bag of ice to kep the soda cool."

"Great" said Corvax. "Did you make sure you got caffeine-free stuff for Beavis?"

"Yep." replied Butthead. "We so totally don't want another visit from Cornholio.".

"HEY!" said Beavis. "I can handle caffeine no problem".

"Have me over for dinner some year and prove it." replied Corvax, as he started the Starlight's engine and started to back up out of the parking space. "But I don't want anyone going psycho in the car."

"Watch it, man!" yelled Beavis.

Corvax heard a light 'bump' noise and looked behind him. He had accidentally given the Charger a little nudge when he had backed up.

"Shit." said Corvax. He moved forward slightly and saw that no actual damage had been done to the black muscle car. He gave the Charger a careful look, but could see no signs of movement behind the one-way glass of the windows.

"Ah, what the hell?" he sighed. "The car's okay. There's no need for the driver, wherever he is, to know about this."

Corvax drove forward and left the store's parking lot and drove off down the highway.

Charger's smile took on a predatory nature as he watched the Aston drive off. "That wasn't very nice, buddy boy. Time for you to be punished." he said as he put his helmet on.

He then picked up his CB and said "Charger to Mastermind. I'm in pursuit of a Cannonballer. I think you should call a meat wagon soon, as there won't be much left of these guys when I'm done with them.".

He laughed nastily again as he started up the powerful engine of his car and pulled out after the Starlight.

Down the road, as Corvax drove along, Couzin Ed was still anchoring on V-Rock.

"This is where it's happening, dudes and dudettes." Ed said. "The nationwide home of REAL hard rock, not that commercial playlist payola bullshit Lazlow played when he was DJ here back in '86. I just knew it would only be a matter of time till they called up the REAL dark lord, Couzin Ed here, to come back. Anyway, to show that we here at V-Rock spit in the face of authority, here we have a song we're playing in honour of those bodacious ladies and gentlemen taking part in the Cannonball Run at this time. Thanks to a bit of string-pulling on our part, here is, live from the Cannonball Run HQ at the Four Dragons in Las Venturas, Papa Roach with their hit 'Getting Away With Murder'.".

At Race Central, Papa Roach took the stage.

"One, two, three, four!" said Jacoby and the music started.

"YEAH! YEAH! This rocks!" yelled Beavis as the song started.

"WOO-HOO!" howled Corvax as he and the two teens started to headbang to the music.

Corvax put his foot down on the accelerator and sped up to about 90 mph.

**Somewhere beyond happiness and sadness,**  
**I need to calculate,**  
**What creates my own madness.**

**And I'm addicted to your punishment.**  
**And you're the master.**  
**And I am waiting for disaster.**

Behind them, Charger accelerated his own car and sped up to over 100 mph. "Who's your daddy, bitches?" he laughed as he aimed for the back of the Starlight. Corvax casually glanced up at the rear view and was shocked to see the black car coming right for them.

"What the hell?" he said.

Beavis and Butthead looked behind and turned pale.

There was a loud thud as the Charger made contact with the back of the Starlight and nearly knocked it off the road. The silver car fishtailed and Corvax tried to bring it under control.

**I feel irrational.**  
**So confrontational.**  
**To tell the truth I am,**  
**Getting away with murder.**

**It isn't possible,**  
**To never tell the truth.**  
**But the reality is,**  
**I'm getting away with murder.**

**(Getting away, Getting away, Getting away)**

Charger backed up a bit and let Corvax get the Starlight under control, before slamming his foot down on his car's gas pedal again and ramming into them again, causing Corvax to swerve to the side and nearly go off the road.

**I drink my drink and I don't even want to.**  
**I think my thoughts when.**  
**I don't even need to.**

**I never look back cause I don't even want to.**  
**And I don't need to.**  
**Because I'm getting away with murder.**

**I feel irrational.**  
**So confrontational.**  
**To tell the truth I am,**  
**Getting away with murder.**

**It isn't possible.**  
**To never tell the truth.**  
**But the reality is.**  
**I'm getting away with murder.**

**(Getting away, Getting away, Getting away)**

"YEAH!" yelled Charger as Corvax put his foot down even further in an attempt to get away. "Don't like it up the ass, you buncha sissies, huh? Try this for size!".

Charger sped up and got alongside the Starlight. He then swerved and rammed into the side of the Starlight.

"Redneck lunatic bastard!" Corvax yelled at the black car. "I'm sorry I backed into your stupid car. Leave us alone!"

"Lose this guy, Corvax!" Butthead yelled.

"AH! WE'RE GONNA DIE!" Beavis yelled as Charger sideswiped them again, nearly forcing them off the road again.

"Get a grip, Beavis!" Butthead yelled as he smacked Beavis upside the head.

**Getting away, Getting away, Getting away,**  
**Getting away, Getting away, Getting away,**  
** Getting away, Getting away, Getting away, With murder.**

As Charger prepared to sideswipe the Starlight again, Corvax reached for the button to activate a tyre slasher built into the Starlight.

"This may be a bit extreme, but whoever you are, mister, I can't let you kill us." he said as the slasher blade extended from the wheel of the Starlight.

"Uh uh, buddy boy!" said Charger as he hit a switch on his own dashboard. From just below the driver's side door of the Charger, a long metal pole shot out.

Charger maneuvered his car so that the pole hit the slasher blade and broke it right off the Starlight.

Corvax picked up the Starlight's CB and yelled into it. "911! This is Corvax in the Starlight! Any Cannonball protectors in Texas, please come to our aid. We're being attacked by a possible hostile".

Flying in the sky was Meteor Man. He heard the call over his radio headset and checked on his tracker watch to find the Starlight's location.

"Corvax, this is Meteor Man. I'm on my way!" he said.

"Please hurry! I'm sorry I called you a lamo superhero." said Corvax.

"I forgive you! Just hold on!" replied Meteor Man.

Charger activated his nitrous oxide boost and shot ahead of the Starlight.

"Oh great!" said the shaken Butthead. "He's had his fun, now he'll leave us alone.".

No such luck. When he was far enough ahead, Charger quickly turned his steering wheel and made his car do a 180 degree turn. He now faced the Starlight. He got back on the accelerator and sped towards the Starlight.

"Let's see if you're a chicken shit, you green-faced geek!" sneered Charger as he sped towards the Starlight in a chicken run.

Corvax quickly swerved the Starlight out of the Charger's path and avoided a collision. He put his foot down as far as it would go, and sped towards the next town which was just coming up.

**Somewhere beyond happiness and sadness,**  
**I need to calculate.**  
**What creates my own madness.**

**And I'm addicted to your punishment.**  
**And you're the master.**  
**And I am craving this disaster.**

Charger turned his car around yet again and took off after the Starlight. He made sure to keep back a bit as he prepared for the kill.

The Starlight approached a four-way intersection with traffic lights. Just as they approached, the lights turned red.

Meteor Man flew over the intersection and saw the Charger now coming full speed for the rear of the Starlight.

**I feel irrational.**  
**So confrontational.**  
**To tell the truth I am.**  
**Getting away with murder.**

**It isn't possible.**  
**To never tell the truth.**  
**But the reality is.**  
**I'm getting away with murder.**

**(Getting away, Getting away, Getting away)**

"Adios, bozos! See you in Hell!" Charger yelled as he roared towards the Starlight.

The Charger made contact with the rear of the Starlight and knocked it into the intersection.

"BOO-YAH!" yelled Charger.

Corvax and his team mates screamed as they saw a truck head right for them. Just when it looked like the end, Meteor Man swooped down and got in front of the truck. He held his right hand out, and with his colossal strength, stopped the truck from advancing any further and hitting the Starlight.

"SHIT!" yelled Charger. "I'll deal with you assholes later!". He spun his car around and drove off back the way he came.

**I feel irrational.**  
**So confrontational.**  
**To tell the truth I am.**  
**Getting away with murder.**

**It isn't possible.**  
**To never tell the truth.**  
**But the reality is.**  
**I'm getting away with murder.**

**(Getting away, Getting away, Getting away)**

'Getting Away With Murder' by Papa Roach.

Corvax, Beavis, and Butthead let out a sigh of relief as the truck driver shut off his engine and Meteor Man walked towards them.

"You guys okay?" asked Meteor Man.

"Yeah." said Butthead. "Like, that was scary.".

"You got that right." said Corvax. "I take back what I said about that guy being a 'possible' hostile. I backed into his car a few miles back and I thought he wanted payback. But it's obvious he was trying to kill us."

"You think so, Corvax?" asked Beavis. "He could've just been some drunk or a pillhead or something."

"He chased you guys down the road at about 120 mph and tried to play Chicken with you, Beavis." said Meteor Man. "I think the baddies are making their move alright, just like that John Doe guy who made that call last night said they would."

"What about the other Cannonballers?" asked Corvax. "They need to be warned."

"I'll take care of that." said Meteor Man. "Lone Wolf and the others are still out there. In the meantime, Corvax, here's something I think you should watch.

Meteor Man took out a DVD and handed it to Corvax. The case read 'Defensive Driving Techniques by Buddy Armstrong'.

"Just in case someone attacks you again." explained Meteor Man.

"Thanks." said Corvax. "This will be of great help."

As Meteor Man went off, he thought to himself "I hope the other racers aren't having as much trouble."

* * *

Somewhere else in Texas, the Harbinger and the Fleetline still raced against each other.

Trikz managed to eventually get a lead on the old muscle car and sped past him.

"So long!" Ty yelled to the Fleetline driver.

As the guy tried to catch up, the Brigand suddenly roared past him.

"What the hell?" he said.

Lidell kept his foot to the floor. He was determined to catch Trikz after having talked his way out of a lot of trouble in Dillimore.

"Come on, let's go!" he yelled, as the Brigand was having trouble reaching a higher speed than 95 mph.

"Hey, check this out." said Lana as she looked behind them to see the Brigand trying to catch up. "Some guy in a Nova wants to play!".

"I'll show him what I think of that." said Ty as he rolled down the passenger side window of the Harbinger.

He has pulled his pants down a bit and his rear-end was exposed. He stuck it out the window, pointing it at the Brigand.

"Kiss this, wannabe!" he yelled.

"Wise-ass, huh?" said Lidell as he reached into the glovebox and pulled out a 45.

He stuck the gun out his window and fired a couple of shots at the Harbinger.

"SHIT!" yelled Ty as he quickly pulled his butt back into the car.

"Hang on!" yelled Trikz as he put his foot down and sped his car up.

"You ain't getting away, creep!" yelled Lidell as he finally got the Brigand's speed past the century mark.

Trikz kept his eye on the road as he raced up a hill ahead of the Brigand and drove down the other side, briefly leaping as he crested the hill.

Lidell performed the same move with expertise and finally came alongside the Harbinger.

"Here's some lunch for ya!" Lidell yelled as he sideswiped the Harbinger.

"Shit! It's Lidell!" said Lana.

"I knew he was up to something!" said Trikz.

Lidell sideswiped them again as they reached the bottom of the hill and came onto a straightaway.

Lidell was so wrapped up in getting back at Trikz that he hadn't noticed the Fleetline catching up with him.

"I'll show you that's no way to treat my friends. Or rivals." the Fleetline guy said as he aimed his car for the back of the Brigand.

The Harbinger finally got ahead of the Brigand as the three cars approached the Oklahoma state line.

"Now for the Big Gulp." said Lidell as he prepared to attack again.

The Fleetline driver activated a nitrous oxide shot and shot forward.

As he did, he patted his steering wheel and said "Hope you don't get too badly dinged up, darlin'."

Before the Brigand could attack the Harbinger again, the Fleetline rear-ended it and made it spin out.

"SHIIIIIIT!" yelled Lidell as he struggled to get the car under control again.

The Brigand eventually went off the side of the road and tumbled down an incline.

It came to a rest on its' roof at the bottom. Lidell undid his seatbelt and got out of the car.

Luckily, the fuel hadn't started to spill and the car wasn't on fire.

Lidell angrily looked after the Harbinger and the old Chevy which had now entered Oklahoma.

"Sons of bitches must pay!" he said as he tried with great effort to get the Brigand back on its wheels again.

Down the road, the Fleetline pulled alongside the Harbinger.

"Hey, Trikz! You okay!" the Fleetline guy asked.

"Fine! I owe you one, mister!" Trikz said.

"No big deal! I'd do anything to help out a Cannonballer!". the guy said.

"Thanks, mister." said Lana, smiling. "Say, what did you say your name was again?"

The man smiled mischievously and said "I didn't."

He then sped his car up and tried to pull ahead.

Trikz activated his NOS shot and sped past him.

The Fleetline continued to snap at Trikz's heels as its' mighty engine worked overtime.

* * *

At Race Central...

"Alright, folks." said Lazlow as the camera followed him around the foyer of the hotel. "The sun is starting to set again, and the racers have now mostly passed through the Lone Star State. Still a long way to go to reach the bridge, but we hear everybody's giving their all. Now, Mr. Yates has asked me to explain a new Cannonball update system to you. You can receive the latest updates by going to the 'functions' feature on the Four Dragons' personal website. Barenaked Ladies have taken a break from the music to try the system out, and I'm now going to join them to demonstrate the software."

As Lazlow headed towards a back room, he added "This system will allow online fans to get the latest race results in under seven minutes, without even needing an account on the website. The system is so streamlined that you could wake up and get the results without even having to get dressed. Ah, here we are.".

He knocked on the door.

"Come in!" said Ed Robertson of BNL from inside.

Lazlow and the camera man went in.

"Hi, guys, how are... what the?" Lazlow said.

He was shocked because all the members of the band were present, but not one of them wore any clothes.

"Hey, Lazlow." said Ed.

"Uh, what are you guys doing?" the stunned Lazlow asked.

"Well, can't you see?" said Jim Creegan as he gestured to the computer they were gathered around. "We're checking the race results online.".

"But you're...naked." said Lazlow.

"That's right." said Ed. "You said we could check information on the Cannonball in under seven minutes."

"Without even getting dressed" added Kevin Hearn

"In the nude!" chipped in Tyler Stewart.

"I also said you didn't need an account, but I didn't think you'd go nude on me." shuddered Lazlow

"I feel as free as a barn swallow!" said Jim as he bounced up and down a couple of times.

"I'll let you get back to work." said Lazlow as he shook his head and left the room. The camera man lingered for a few seconds.

"We should have done this years ago." said Ed with a real look of satisfaction on his face.

"Uh, thank you, Lazlow." said Misty nervously as the camera cut back to her, Ron and Veronica. "Well, there you have it. It's much easier to check the results now."

"In the meantime, the prize money has thus far been safe." said Veronica. "Our dedicated security team will make sure of that. At the present moment, it is Blue Falcon and Dynomutt who are on duty."

Outside the vault...

"So far, no one's made an attempt." said Blue Falcon.

"Maybe this year, the money will be safe." said Dynomutt.

"I wouldn't count on it." said Blue Falcon.

An alarm started to go off.

"What's that?" asked Dynomutt.

"That's the external alarm." said Blue Falcon.

"Oh." said Dynomutt. "It's been so long since I've heard it, I forgot what it sounds like."

Outside, Catwoman stood on the ledge cutting a hole in the window.

"Now, to get my hands on the prize money." she said.

Dynomutt extended his neck from the roof until his head was next to Catwoman. "Sorry, you didn't say 'May I'."

Blue Falcon dropped to the ledge himself. "Well, if it isn't Catwoman." he said.

"Blue Falcon." said Catwoman. "I thought that after our last encounter, you'd think twice about crossing me."

"Funny, I thought you're supposed to worry about the cat crossing your path." said Blue Falcon.

Dynomutt lowered himself to the ledge with his extending arms. "Looks like your heist ends here." he said.

"If you insist." said Catwoman. "I guess I won't be needing this zip line then." she added as she took out a grappling hook launcher with a cable.

"Just hand it over." said Blue Falcon.

"Okay." said Catwoman. "Catch."

She threw the zip line off the ledge. Dynomutt jumped to grab it, then noticed too late that he had jumped off the ledge. "This is going to hurt." he said.

He fell a second later. Blue Falcon dove after him.

"Now that the interference is out of the way." said Catwoman. She pushed the circle out of the window, reached through, and unlocked the window. She then opened it and climbed through.

"I didn't really need the zip line." said Catwoman as she started to pick up the prize money.

"No, but you will need a doctor."

Catwoman turned around to see Batgirl in front of her. A split second later, she saw stars when Batgirl knocked her out.

"Bad kitty." said Batgirl.

"Good thing I didn't land on anyone in the pool." said Dynomutt.

"Yes, but it is too bad you missed the pool completely." said Blue Falcon as he carried Dynomutt back up to the window.

They found Batgirl putting a pair of bat-shaped handcuffs on Catwoman.

"Good to see our backup has arrived." said Dynomutt.

* * *

Elsewhere in the hotel, Alice and Janice Foyt had snuck in through the kitchen's delivery area, disguised as caterers.

They both wore special necklaces which disrupted security cameras any time they passed them. It was an invention of Dr Badvibes'.

"I'm glad these things work. His hacking skills are good too." said Alice as she checked a PDA device in her hand.

"So he found Bluth's hotel room on the register?" asked Janice.

"Indeed. Let's go." said Alice.

* * *

On the road leading to Kansas City, the Clover was going about 80 mph.

Denis Leary had a grin of satisfaction on his face.

"You're going pretty fast, Denis." Dane commented.

"Hell, we're just cruising. I'll LET you know when we're going fast." Denis said. "I'm glad I can keep up this speed and think of new ideas for my act at the same time.".

"Hey, on that note, my nephew came up with a good joke." said Dane. "It's got the potential to be very funny or very cringe-inducing.".

"Oh?" asked Denis. "So he wants to be a comic too?"

"Yeah, but he's hoping to not rely too much on profanity. A bit like that Brian Regan guy." said Dane.

"So, do tell. What's the joke?" Denis asked.

"Well, it goes like this." Dane began. "This frog walks into a bank and goes up to the cashier's window. He notes that her nametag says her name is Patricia Wack. She looks at him a bit confused. 'You're a frog aren't you?', she asks. 'Yes. that's right', he says. 'Is that a problem.'. 'No, not at all.', she says.".

Denis looked rather curious as Dane continued the joke.

"'Can I have your name, please?', the cashier asks. 'Kermit. Kermit Jagger.', says the frog. She looks amazed. 'Any relation to Mick?', she asks. 'Yeah, he's my dad. Seriously', says Kermit. 'How can I help you?' she asks. 'I'd like to take out a loan, please. $5000.'."

Denis continued to look intrigued.

"'That's a lot of money', says the cashier as she hands him the paperwork. 'Do you have any collateral?'. 'Right here', says Kermit as he takes out two china figurines. One is of a pig and the other is a frog. She looks at them and says 'If you'd like to fill out the papers, I'll just get the manager.'." continued Dane, getting near the punchline. "She brings the manager out just as Kermit has finished filling out the papers. The manager takes a good look at Kermit, then the cashier, then the paperwork and finally the two figurines."

Denis raised an eyebrow as he knew the punchline was coming.

"And he says, 'they're nick-nacks, Patty Wack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone!'.".

Dane let out a little chuckle. Denis had a blank face for a few seconds.

He then spoke.

"I'd tell you to tell your nephew to stick to his paper route, but I don't want to ruin his artistic temprament.".

"So, cringe-inducing then?" said Dane.

"A little, but I think with a bit of work, he could be great." said Denis as they continued on their way.

* * *

Las Venturas...

George Sr. sat on the bed in his hotel room and watched the race while eating an ice cream sandwich.

Gob walked in from the bathroom and said "Well, I finally rounded up most of the doves. If you don't count the one that flew into the window, I'm missing one."

"Well, that money is lost." said George.

There was a knock at the door.

"I got it." said Gob. He went over to the door and opened it. Janice and Alice Foyt were there.

"Are you Gob Bluth?" asked Janice, pronouncing his name "gob".

"It's 'jobe'." said Gob. "You know, like the guy in the bible?"

The Foyts quickly burst into the room. Alice forced Gob up against the wall.

"Hey, what's going on here?" asked George as he jumped off the bed. Janice grabbed him and threw him against the wall.

"You're George Bluth Sr, right?" she asked.

"Yes." said George.

"Depending on how this goes," she said "you might walk out of here or you might have to be carried out by the paramedics. Just listen to our offer."

"I'm all ears." said George.

"Your development company built the Orange County Prison." said Janice. "Our boss is currently serving time there. What we want are the blueprints. Where can we find those?"

"What?" said Gob. "You want to know which family portrait to look behind?"

"You're saying it's behind one of the family portraits?" asked Alice.

Gob looked at her for a couple of seconds, then said "Don't think so."

"When we find where the safe is, what is the combination we will need?" asked Janice.

"I've already said too much by saying it's behind a family portrait." said Gob. "Don't you think I'd be saying too much more if I said..."

George got his hand free and quickly slapped Gob in the back of the head. "Shut up, you horse's ass!" he said through gritted teeth.

* * *

Lester and Luther were at the Bluth Company offices searching through the files. Both had their jackets off and their sleeves rolled up.

"There doesn't appear to be anything in these files." said Lester as he flipped through a bunch of blueprints on the desk.

"I'm coming up dry as well." said Luther as he looked through a file cabinet. He then took his gum out and stuck it to the side of the cabinet.

"What are you doing?" asked Lester.

"Leaving my calling card." said Luther.

"They're going to know we were here!" said Lester.

"They already know that." said Luther. "Our fingerprints are all over the office."

"You said they wouldn't check for fingerprints!" said Lester.

"I said 'Don't wear your mittens.'" said Luther. "They look ridiculous on the security camera."

"THERE'S A SECURITY CAMERA?" yelled Lester.

Luther's cell phone went off. "Yes?"

"Luther, the interrogation went a little better than we thought." said Alice on the other end. "The blueprints are behind one of the family portraits in Michael's office."

"Are you absolutely sure?" asked Luther. "Because we checked behind all of the portraits in the office and there isn't a safe behind any of them."

"Well, try another room, then." said Alice. "We'll keep pumping them for information."

She ended the call.

"Alice says it's supposed to be behind one of the portraits." said Luther. "She says to check the other rooms if we don't find it."

"But we already checked." said Lester. "There aren't any wall safes behind the portraits. Let's check the other rooms."

"Okay, but we might as well clean up here." said Luther. He picked up a portrait of George holding a frozen chocolate-covered banana and tried to replace it on the wall. However, he misjudged the proximity of the portrait to the wall and accidentally punched a hole in it.

"Nice one." said Lester.

"Yes, it was!" said Luther as he looked into the hole. "There's something in there!"

"What? Is it the blueprints?" asked Lester.

Luther pulled a small, metal box out of the wall. "It's too small for that." he said. "I wonder what's in here."

He opened it up and took out a slip of paper and showed it to Lester. "It's a patent for the Cornballer." said Lester.

"I remember those." said Luther. "I can't believe George Bluth was the one behind it. Did you have one?"

"Does this answer your question?" asked Lester as he raised his arms and showed off the long-healed burns on them.

"Wait, if this was behind the wall, maybe the blueprints are as well." said Luther

"Keep searching." said Lester.

* * *

At the hotel room, Alice returned from the bathroom. Janice still held George against the wall while Gob was handcuffed to the radiator.

"The two morons are still searching." said Alice.

"Good, we'll have the blueprints and get our boss out." said Janice.

"You know you won't succeed, right?" said George.

"We will succeed." said Janice. "Then, we not only free our boss, but get revenge on that Warden Gentiles to boot."

"Wait, you were in Orange County Prison as well?" asked George.

"We both were." said Janice.

_"Hearing the name of his former adversary gave George the perfect escape from his current one."_

"No touching!" shouted George.

"No touching." said Janice as she released him.

George ran for the closet.

"Dad's still a little crafty." said Gob.

George looked around the closet for something that could help him. Just then, Gob's missing dove landed on his head.

Alice unlocked Gob's cuffs and led him into the center of the room.

"Mr. Bluth, if you don't come out now," said Alice "we will be forced to terminate your son in front of you."

"Are you sure we should do that?" asked Janice. "He's kinda cute."

"I've got two more and a daughter." said George. "Well, two daughters if you count her husband."

"Have it your way." said Alice.

Suddenly, the dove came flying out and tried to land on Alice.

"AH!" she screamed. "Get it away! Get it away!"

"It's a dove!" said Janice.

Gob stepped away and raised his hands. A second later, he fired off a shower of coins.

_"A quick illusion, and the situation was turned in the Bluths' favor. Overwhelmed by the change, Janice and Alice retreated towards the door."_

"Come on, we've got what we needed." said Janice.

The Foyts escaped into the hallway.

"Looks like someone wants to bust someone else out." said Gob.

"Not if I have anything to say about it." said George as he dialled his cell phone.

* * *

At the Bluth Company...

"I think this is it." said Lester as he looked over a rolled up plan.

"It's about time." said Luther. He looked around the office which had walls filled with holes.

"Yeah, this is it." said Lester. "Let's get out of here."

"Okay, folks." said a security guard in the lobby to a group of people who were on a tour. "We've got a report of someone trying to steal building blueprints. God knows what they plan to use those for. Unfortunately, this means we're going to have to search every one of you and all visitors as well."

Lester and Luther hid around the corner at the top of a flight of stairs and heard that announcement.

Lester cursed under his breath and looked at the blueprints. "How are we going to get these out?"

"I'm thinking." said Luther.

"Well, don't think for too long." said Lester.

"Alright." said Luther. "I know we have a prison break to perform, like on that show."

"Which show?" asked Lester.

"'Prison Break'." said Luther. "You know, where the guy gets himself thrown in prison to bust out his wrongly imprisoned brother with the help of a very elaborate tattoo."

Suddenly, they looked at each other and smiled.

* * *

In a small town in Louisiana, the Hellenbach GT sped along. Kermit had let Gonzo take the wheel despite Piggy's warning.

"Wa-hoo!" whooped Gonzo. "This is great!"

"Just be careful you don't damage the car." said Kermit.

"Hey, I don't want to be on the receiving end of a patented Miss Piggy karate chop any more than you do." said Gonzo.

As they passed an intersection, the Carbon X pulled out of it and tailed them for a few minutes. Turbo drove very fast as usual and was able to keep up with Team Muppets.

Buttons opened his violin case and got his machine gun ready.

"Okay, Turbo. Let's let 'em have it!" he said.

"No problem." said Turbo as he saw an opening and pulled up alongside the Hellenbach, on its right side.

Buttons looked annoyed.

"You were supposed to pull up alongside them with MY side facing their car, lamebrain!" yelled Buttons. "What am I supposed to do from here? Sit in your lap and shoot?".

"Using a gun's too easy." said Turbo. "I want to see what these homies made of foamy can do!"

The Muppets had noticed Turbo and Buttons and looked nervous.

"Something tells me these guys are bad news." said Fozzie. "Especially as one of them has a gun!".

"Bad men!" said Animal.

"Never mind that! Get us out of here, Gonzo, before they wreck the car!" Rizzo yelled.

"Okay!" said Gonzo as he floored the accelerator.

"Uh, uh, weird boy!" said Turbo as he too sped up and kept right behind the Hellenbach.

Gonzo kept swerving to try and lose Turbo on the straight but Turbo was able to keep up with him and change lanes just as easily.

"Get 'em, you moron! Crime's a-wasting!" yelled Buttons.

"If you don't shut up, pastry face, I'll rip your tongue out and paint ya like a barber's pole!" yelled Turbo.

As the Carbon X gained ground again, Turbo attempted a PIT manuever, but Gonzo quickly swerved at the last minute and the Carbon X side-swiped a parked car instead.

Turbo grunted and brought the car back under control and took off after the Muppets.

As the Hellenbach reached the end of the long straight, a motorcycle cop noticed their speeding amd pulled out to chase them.

"Uh oh!" said Rizzo.

"No problem!" said Kermit. "I know this town. Gonzo, go for another half mile, then turn hard right! I can give you directions from there.".

"Gotcha!" said Gonzo.

The Hellenbach sped on, keeping ahead of the speedtrap cop and Gonzo turned hard right where Kermit had indicated. He then drove up another street.

"Quick! Around there!" yelled Kermit.

Gonzo turned around and drove around the side of a large hardware store. As they made that turn, the cop turned into the street and had failed to see them.

He went on straight down the street just as the Hellenbach had made a complete circle of the hardware store and then exited the way they had came in.

"HA HA!" laughed Fozzie.

"Now let's go!" said Kermit.

The Carbon X had lost sight of the Hellenbach as well, since Turbo had stopped driving when the cop showed up, hoping he would catch the Muppets instead.

"Next time, we use the guns! GOT IT?" yelled Buttons. "You and your alpha male driver crap!"

"Aw, blow it out your exhaust pipe!" said Turbo.

Suddenly, there were three brightly coloured blurs and the Carbon X was lifted off the ground.

"Huh?" both Turbo and Buttons said.

The Carbon X was being lifted off the ground by the Powerpuff Girls.

"You're not gonna give our racers any trouble for a while now." said Blossom.

"We're just gonna take you out with the rest of the garbage." said Buttercup.

The three girls carried the Carbon X to the river and set the car down on the back of a garbage scow which was crossing it.

They took off again, leaving Turbo and Buttons fuming.

"Make sure you get a shower or you'll be all STINKY!" said Bubbles, laughing.

* * *

Las Venturas...

"Security has been notified." said George in the hotel room.

"Good, then we can avert disaster." said Gob. "You know, that was good thinking with that dove."

"Thanks." said George as he tapped his temple with his finger. "Nice to know your old father's brain is still operating correctly, right?"

"Is something burning?" asked Gob.

"Ha ha, very funny." said George.

"No, I'm serious." said Gob. "It smells like something's burning."

Suddenly, the sprinklers turned on.

* * *

"What was that?" asked Blue Falcon as he, Batgirl and Dynomutt led the captive Catwoman down a hallway.

"The fire alarm!" said Batgirl. "Is this another heist?"

"I don't think so." said Dynomutt. "I smell something burning. And for once, it's not me."

"Grab the prisoner and let's get out of here." said Blue Falcon.

While they were talking, Catwoman used her claws on the batcuffs. After a few seconds of picking, they came off. She ran for the window and leaped out.

"Never mind, let's go." said Batgirl.

* * *

Outside the hotel, the guests and race officials had been evacuated. Firefighters attacked the blaze erupting from one of the rooms.

"We've got the fire contained to the room in which it started." said the fire chief. "The origin appears to be room 317. Looks deliberate."

"317? Why does that number sound familiar?" asked Woozie.

Milton snuck through the crowd mumbling incoherently.

* * *

As the Thunder Rodd exited Baton Rouge, it had a whole host of police cars chasing it.

Bugs drove down various different back streets and side streets trying to shake them off.

As he came out of one side street, a cop car waiting for him at the end nearly collided with another one that was behind him as he quickly swerved, leaving the cops in the dust.

"HA! They nearly wiped each other out!" smirked Daffy.

Bugs noticed another cop car heading straight for him. Using his quick vision, he saw another cop car coming down an intersection on the right and activated the nitrous in the Thunder Rodd, quickly moving past the oncoming squad car when he saw an opening.

As the Thunder Rodd missed the oncoming cop car, the one coming out of the right intersection collided with the other cop car as it wobbled a bit.

"Those two DID wipe each other out!" Daffy said. "Non-lethally of course.".

"You did a great job with these wheels, Wile E." smiled Bugs.

The coyote genius blushed a bit.

"I'm glad that apart from that little bit of trouble, the race is going well." said Daffy to Bugs. "At least you finally made that left turn at Albequerque like you always should have done."

"Now to get the lead out and get to the Mississippi line." said Bugs.

He reached forward and inserted a CD. Johnny Cash and June Carter's hit song 'Jackson' started playing.

Bugs nodded his head in time with the music as they got on a long canyon road.

"Hey, look out!" yelled Daffy.

Bugs looked ahead and noticed a sharp curve. He was unable to turn in time and the Thunder Rodd started to run down the incline.

Suddenly, the picture froze.

"Wait just a cotton-pickin' minute!" Bugs' voice said. "Let's put things in reverse.".

The picture 'rewound' so that the Thunder Rodd went back up the incline and came to a stop.

Bugs turned the wheel around and then they drove safely off on their way.

Daffy, Wile E. and Taz all let out a big sigh.

"Hooray for cartoon physics." Daffy said.

"Amen, brother." agreed Bugs as he started to sing along to 'Jackson'.

* * *

Somewhere near Jackson, Mississippi, the Darkness had come across an old friend of Rob Zombie's. It was the renowned 'World's Greatest Roadie' Eddie Riggs.

Eddie was standing by his pride and joy: a customised '32 Ford Model B called the Deuce. Nearby were Eddie's girlfriend Ophelia and his engineer Mangus, both of whom had crossed over with Eddie from the Land Of Metal, made famous by the video game 'Brutal Legend', based on Eddie's exploits.

Rob, Steve and Nemesis all looked impressed at the work Eddie had put into the Deuce, thanks in part to the Guardian Of Metal and his Motor Forges.

"I must say I'm surprised you actually DID cross over, Eddie!" Rob said.

"If I didn't I'd have missed seeing you guys compete in the Cannonball." said Eddie.

"So you're Rob Zombie." said Ophelia. "I love your song 'Superbeast'." She then paused and said "Then again, it IS the only one of yours I know. At least until Eddie finds some more Buried Metal.".

"I'd love to go to that Land of yours." said Steve. "It would kick some major ass!".

Nemesis roared in agreement.

"Nemesis there would be right at home, I can tell you, dudes!" said Mangus.

"So, Eddie, what did you want us to come here for?" asked Rob.

"Very simple." said Eddie. "If you have the time, I'd just like to give the ol' Deuce here a run against the Darkness. See how it would go."

"You sure you want to do this?" asked Steve. "We had her tricked out to the extreme.".

"Well, there's a little condition to the challenge." said Mangus. "Nemesis has to drive."

"And, considering how some musical performances have been done in the Cannonball, Rob has to sing one of his songs during the race." said Ophelia.

Rob whistled. "Now, THAT sounds like a worthy challenge." said Rob. "Nemesis, take the drivers' seat. We're gonna do this.".

"Whereabouts?" asked Steve.

"Through this place called the Ziker Pass." said Eddie. "It's a place I used to drag before I became a roadie.".

"Starrrrssss!" said Nemesis.

"He asks why you want him to drive." said Rob.

"I used to race this demon called Fletus in the Metal World." said Eddie. "I just want to see if a different demon can cut the mustard.".

"Okay, let's go!" said Rob as they returned to their vehicles and headed out to the Ziker Pass

AN: the Ziker Pass is a fictional location. We named it after Dick Ziker, a Hollywood stuntman known for car stunts. Just our little in-joke there.

* * *

On a highway back in Texas, the Aquila had finally managed to catch up with the Battle after the trucks had left it alone at the San Andreas state line.

Cobra Commander was now sitting in the passenger seat and Zartan was driving while Storm Shadow rode in the back.

"We must pay those Joes back for that little stunt, Zartan." said the Commander. "You say you have a plan?"

"Yes, Commander. Luckily I was able to contact Thrasher and I told him to bring the Thunder Machine." said Zartan. "But the really clever part involves lulling the Joes into a false sense of security.".

"Then let's do it!" said Cobra Commander.

Zartan pushed the Aquila's gas pedal to the floor and managed to cut in front of the Battle.

"Looks like the Fang Gang are back to bother us, mates!" said Shipwreck, who had taken over driving.

"Make sure he doesn't get a lead on us." said Stalker.

The Aquila had now got a good lead on the Battle and entered a long tunnel.

"Now, for my little surprise." said Zartan as he activated a switch on the Aquila's dashboard.

As the Battle approached the tunnel, a huge black 18-wheeler truck with a skull and crossbones on the hood drove out of the tunnel.

Shipwreck looked shocked and tried to veer out of the way.

Rock 'N Roll reached forward and steadied his hand on the wheel.

"Keep going! It's just a trick!" said Rock 'N Roll.

"How the hell can you be so calm?" demanded the freaked-out Shipwreck.

"Trust me! Just don't panic!" said Rock 'N Roll.

Sure enough, just as the truck and Battle were about to collide, the truck vanished like a ghost.

"Huh?" said Clutch.

"It was just Zartan's holograph projector." explained Clutch. "One of the 'Noks tried that trick on me once. It's how my Nomad got trashed.".

"Good thinking, Rock 'N Roll." said Stalker. Snake Eyes gave a thumbs-up.

"Now let's catch those snakes!". said Clutch.

At the other end of the tunnel, the Aquila had exited and steered around the Dreadnok battle tank known as the Thunder Machine.

Seated in it were its driver Thrasher and Zartan's sister Zarana.

"We'll take it from here, Zartan!" said Zarana into the CB. "The Joes will think we're just another holograph, just like you said. Then we stick it to 'em!".

"Excellent, Zarana!" said Zartan. "Make sure some harm comes to them.".

"COBRA!" chorused the Commander, Zartan and Storm Shadow.

As the Battle reached the end of the tunnel, Shipwreck saw the Thunder Machine.

"Hello." he said "Using the same trick twice, eh?".

"That's just what they'd expect us to think!" said Stalker. "Keep the wheel steady."

Stalker put down his window and leaned out, pointing his laser pistol at the Dreadnok tank.

"What the hell?" said Thrasher alarmed. "They weren't fooled!"

"Fire, you bloody dingo!" yelled Zarana.

Thrasher let loose a blast from the Thunder Machine's twin chain guns, but Shipwreck managed to avoid getting hit.

With expert aim, Stalker fired a shot at the Thunder Machine's engine and blew it out.

"SHIT!" yelled Thrasher.

Shipwreck steered around the inert Cobra vehicle and sped off down the road to the state line.

"Hey, Commander!" said Clutch into the CB, tuned to the Cobra Commander's frequency. "Next time you try to pull a fast one on us, don't assume you're dealing with morons.".

In the Aquila, Cobra Commander glared at Zartan, and said "The only morons I deal with are the ones on my blasted payroll!".

He threw the CB down in anger.

* * *

Race Central...

"We've just heard an announcement that Team Stone Cold are going to have a drag race in Mississippi." said Ron. "It will be combined with a special performance by Rob Zombie.".

"He'll have the aid of Love Fist, who are now taking the stage." said Veronica.

On stage, Jezz Torrent of Love Fist talked to Rob Zombie through a headset.

"Okay, Rob. We're ready. Which song will it be?" Jezz asked.

"I decided it'll be 'Demon Speeding'." said Rob.

"Will do." replied Jezz.

At the beginning of the Ziker Pass, the Darkness and the Deuce both lined up to begin the race.

Mangus and Ophelia both listened to a police scanner. There was no sign of any police activity.

"Okay, you're good to go!" Mangus announced.

"Kick his ass, Eddie!" cheered Ophelia.

Nemesis revved the Darkness' engine and Rob had set up a microphone in front of him on the dashboard.

As Stone Cold got ready to wave the two cars off on their race, Love Fist began the intro to the song.

Rob leaned to the microphone and said "Why don't you ask me what it feels like to be a freak?".

The song started properly and Stone Cold dropped his hands.

"GO!" he yelled.

The Darkness and the Deuce both took off the starting line and ran neck and neck for a while as Rob started singing.

**Hey, do ya love me. I'm untouchable darkness.**  
**A dirty black river to get you through this.**  
**Hey, do ya love me I'm a devil machine.**  
**(hey do ya love me I'm a devil machine)**  
**Get into my world all american dream.**

A car suddenly pulled out of a dirt road and Nemesis swerved a bit and went down the dirt road as the Deuce took the lead. The unfortunate car hit the side of a nearby truck and all four of it's doors fell off.

Nemesis drove the Darkness along the dirt road running parallel the highway, looking for an opening.

**In the mouth of madness.**  
**Down in the darkness.**  
**No more tomorrow.**  
**Down in the hollow.**

Nemesis saw an opening and cut the Darkness across a grass field and got back on the road and started to catch up with the Deuce.

Eddie saw the Darkness catching up and activated a boost of nitrous. Nemesis did the same and was soon right on Eddie's back bumper, looking for a way to get past.

**Hey do ya love it when the kids are screaming.**  
**Wrecking on the road violate their dreaming.**  
**Hey, do ya love to see the filth in the clean.**  
**(hey do ya love to see the filth in the clean)**  
**Get into the gone all american dream.**

**In the mouth of madness.**  
**Down in the darkness.**  
**No more tomorrow.**  
**Down in the hollow.**

As both vehicles turned around a sharp curve, Nemesis made a bid to get past. A car coming the other way saw this and swerved, going into a ditch.

This distracted Eddie and the Deuce wobbled a bit, making him lose a bit of ground. The Darkness gained a tiny lead and Nemesis fought to keep it.

**I'm demon speeding.**  
**I'm demon speeding.**  
**I'm demon speeding.**  
**I'm demon speeding.**

**Get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on come alive.**

As the Deuce tried to close the gap between it and the Darkness, which was increasing, both cars came off the curved part of the road and onto a straightaway leading to a highway overpass.

Eddie tried to get ahead but his nitrous was taking too long to recharge.

Nemesis hit his nitrous once again and soared up the on-ramp and far across the overpass.

At the other end of the overpass were some more members of Eddie's army Ironheade: their leader Lita Halford, the bass playing healer called the Killmaster and the motorcycle riding pyromaniac called the Baron.

The three of them cheered as they saw the Darkness cross the line and win the race as the song came to an end.

**Hey, do ya love me elevating the madness.**  
**(Hey, do ya love me elevating the madness)**  
**a super death rising to get you through this.**  
**(a super death rising to get you through this)**  
**Hey, do ya love me like a beautiful fiend.**  
**Get into my world all american dream.**

'Demon Speeding' by Rob Zombie

The Darkness came to a halt as Rob and Love Fist ended their performance and Nemesis got out and let out a victorious roar.

The Deuce finally crossed the overpass and Eddie humbly smiled as he lit up a cigarette.

"I guess some demons are great drivers." he sighed.

Rob got out of the Darkness.

"You're not pissed that you lost?" he asked Eddie.

"Hey, at least one metal warrior walked away victorious." Eddie said. "Why do you think my buds here were cheering?"

"That was close, Eddie." Lita said. "I told you it wouldn't be easy."

"Hey, I'm not complaining. Rob's still a good friend of mine." said Eddie.

"The Deuce DID perform well." noted the Killmaster. "But it looks like another upgrade could be needed soon, Ed.".

"He'll have to save up his Fire Tributes then." said the Baron.

Eddie got out of the Deuce and shook Nemesis and Rob's hands.

"You gave me a good run, guys. AND with the distraction of a live performance. That is truly AWESOME!" he said.

"Okay, thanks, Eddie. Now we have to head back to the Cannonball." said Rob.

"We'll go back and pick the others up." said the Killmaster as he started up his customised Thunderhog motorcycle and the Baron followed suit with his Harley chopper.

"I want you guys to go FREAKIN' NUTS in the Cannonball!" said Eddie. "Knock 'em dead!".

"I sure hope we will." said Rob.

* * *

The Averse powered down a highway somewhere near Meridian. Willy handled the driving with great ease.

"Thank God I pick up on lessons easily." he said. "But it is a bit embarrassing being the only adult in my Driver's Ed class."

"That reminds me." said Grandpa Joe. "What else have they been teaching you."

"A lot of stuff about drunk drivers mainly." said Willy.

"That's very important, Willy." said Charlie seriously. "If you want a drink, you DON'T drive. Period."

"I know. Not above the alcohol limit of..."

"The alcohol limit for you is ZERO, Willy!" Charlie said. "If I find you've had booze, your driving priviliges you will lose!"

"You should tell Yogi that one, Charlie." smirked Grandpa Joe.

"Well you know I don't drink anyway, guys." said Willy defensively.

"Yes, but you DO make that Butterscotch and Buttergin stuff." said Joe.

"Yes, but I don't drink it." said Willy. "And neither does Bill here.".

Bill shook his head to confirm this.

"I made a point of picking a teetotal Oompa-Loompa to be my co-driver." Willy added.

"Good." said Charlie. "I'm glad you're good at controlling the car at high speeds."

"Hey, by the time Vic was through with me, I had no trouble." said Willy. "Vic's my high-speed driving coach if you're wondering."

Behind them, Stingray slowly crept up and got ready for action.

"I know this guy." she said. "That candy maker. This should be a piece of cake.

She put her foot down and sped up. Eventually, she came alongside the Averse.

"Hello, what's this?" asked Joe.

Bill leaned over and whispered into Willy's ear.

"Bill thinks that with that one-way glass, this is one of the hostiles we were warned about.". Willy reported.

The blue Corvette sideswiped them and sent them into the parking area of a gas station.

Willy quickly manuevered the Averse to avoid crashing into the gas pumps and got back on the road.

Stingray cursed under her breath and tried to catch up with the Averse.

"Yes, that's DEFINITELY a hostile." said Charlie.

"No need to panic." said Willy. "Bill knows what to do. Don't you buddy?"

Bill nodded and took out piece of candy and a slingshot.

The Corvette got alongside them again. Stingray lowered her window a bit and got ready to aim a gun at the Averse.

"Okay, do it!" said Willy.

Bill loaded the slingshot and fired the candy into the Corvette.

"What the hell?" said Stingray as the candy landed on her passenger seat.

"3, 2, 1!" said Willy.

There was a loud bang from Stingray's car and the inside of it began to fill with smoke.

Stingray swerved her car around the road in confusion as she lost sight due to the smoke.

The Averse sped on.

"Exploding Candy For Your Enemies, right?" asked Charlie.

"That's a big ten-four!" Willy smirked. He looked at their GPS monitor screen and saw that two teams of protectors were in the immediate area.

"I'll just notify security." said Willy as he pressed a button and the monitor connected to the protectors' frequency.

An image of Lone Wolf came up on the screen.

"What's up, Willy?" Lone Wolf asked.

"We just fought off one of the nasties. We thought you should take them in hand. It's a blue Corvette, disabled not far from our current location."

"Right. We're on our way!" said Lone Wolf as he logged off.

"And now, on with the race!" said Charlie as the Silver Bullet roared past them to try and catch Stingray.

Hold on. Said Willy. I want to watch Lone Wolf catch this not-so-charming person.

The Averse followed after the Silver Bullet and the Corvette.

Stingray had lowered both her windows the whole way to get rid of the smoke. She had finally regained control of her car when she saw Lone Wolf and Hardtop coming up behind her.

"Not this, now!" she said in exasperation. She sped off at high speed, but the Silver Bullet's superior horsepower enabled Lone Wolf and Hardtop to keep up with her.

"Okay!" said Hardtop, who was driving. "Scratch one bad guy as soon we stop this 'vette".

"Be careful. These guys won't just give up." said Lone Wolf.

"Hey, I like a challenge. Makes the job exciting.' smirked Hardtop.

Both cars came onto a narrow suspension bridge.

"Alright, jerkwads!" said Stingray to herself. "Try and catch me."

The Silver Bullet was now alongside the 'vette and tried to swerve it into the guard rail to try and make it stop.

Stingray smirked and rammed the Silver Bullet back, making it hit the guard rail.

Hardtop was surprised and tried to regain control.

In the Averse, Willy's team were shocked.

"That guy must be crazy!" said Grandpa Joe.

Stingray swerved into the Silver Bullet again, nearly sending it over the edge.

"I am NOT losing you, pal!" Hardtop yelled.

"Wanna bet, copper?" Stingray said. "As the Governator famously said 'Hasta la vista, baby'!"

She quickly activated a switch on her dashboard and a square ramming device shot out of the side of her car.

The Silver Bullet was rammed hard and finally went off the edge of the bridge.

"LONE WOLF!" yelled Willy in horror as the Silver Bullet plummeted to the deep river below...

TO BE CONTINUED...


	5. I Got Here As Fast As I Could

CANNONBALL RUN 7: HIGH SPEED HEROES by Bkelly95 and The Turbo Man

DISCLAIMER: We own nothing except our originally created characters. The street racer clubs mentioned in the chapter are borrowed from 'Midnight Club 3: DUB Edition', which is property of Rockstar Games. Thanks again to GX7 for his assistance.

Chapter Five: "I Got Here As Fast as I Could".

The Silver Bullet fell towards the raging river below.

Suddenly, the car was lifted up. Hardtop and Lone Wolf looked around in confusion.

"Hi guys." a voice said.

Both men looked out their windows and saw a smiling Mr. Incredible carrying the Silver Bullet towards the banks of the river, where the other Incredibles had parked the V8 Ghost.

"Good job I got here when I did." he said.

"Thanks, Mr. I." said Hardtop.

"Okay, this is it." said Lone Wolf. "We have to put our heads together and find a way to make sure these guys don't succeed in stopping the race.".

"Yeah, but for now, why don't you guys take it easy for a while." said Elasti-Girl into the radio as she watched her husband lower the Silver Bullet to the ground.

"Yeah. We're having hot dogs, s'mores, the lot over here." said Violet.

"Sounds great." said Lone Wolf. "Let's take five, Hardtop. You were doing great back there.".

"Thanks." said Hardtop as he and Lone Wolf got out of the Silver Bullet. "I just wish we could get back at that 'vette driver and discuss her future as a mental patient. I saw it was a woman.".

"You may be able to." said Elasti-Girl. "Notice that one of us isn't here?".

Lone Wolf looked around and said "Yeah, where's Dash?".

Suddenly a fast blur appeared and Dash appeared.

"Right here." Dash smirked. "While Dad was saving you guys, I planted a homing device on that 'vette while it was making its escape. You can get back at that nutcase soon enough.".

Lone Wolf and Hardtop smiled.

"Excellent." said Lone Wolf.

Just then, the Averse drove down a sloping road to the river bank. Willy's team had witnessed the rescue.

Willy leaned out his window and smiled.

"I'm glad you guys are alright." he said. "So, are we having a rest stop?".

"Seems like it." replied Hardtop.

"Good. I'd like you guys to try my new hot chocolate recipe." smiled Willy.

* * *

Next morning at Race Central...

"Okay, folks. Here we are with the latest update." said Ron to the camera. "The Cannonball is now into its second day and a fair amount of the racers have now crossed into Tennessee.".

"We believe that in the lead right now is Team Shrek in the Licorne." said Misty. "Closely followed by Team Chaos in the Falcon."

"So it's clear that both the Cannonball caped crusaders are forces to be reckoned with." said Veronica.

"Cannonball caped crusaders?" said Ron, amused. "Try saying that five times fast."

He and Veronica shared a chuckle.

"Anyway, apart from a little fire scare, and an attempted heist of the prize money, both of which were dealt with, things are now quiet at Race Central." said Lazlow. "Brock is presently keeping tabs on the racers who have entered his special puzzle hunt this year. It is believed that their second location is the Corvette plant in Bowling Green, Kentucky. Let's hope they're burning the midnight oil to get there.".

"Indeed yes." said Ron. "But for now, we wish all our Cannonballers the best of luck".

* * *

In Memphis, the Black Knight cruised along, checking out the sights. Max was at the wheel.

He looked impressed as they passed Graceland.

"Elvis Presley. Great American musician." said Max.

"Well, I've been quite impressed by Australia's music history." said Jake. "Not just Men At Work either. I mean there's AC/DC, Jimmy Barnes, that new band Airbourne. All those guys are great."

"I'm just glad you didn't mention Kylie." smirked Max. "I bet you're gonna tell me you know Elvis personally.".

"Why would I?" asked Jake.

"Oh, come on." said Max. "Did you really think you could keep your origins secret from me for long. I know you're literally Heaven-sent.".

Jake smiled and replied "And Hell on wheels, according to those who've faced me. I'm surprised you're not freaked out."

"When you've seen all the things I've seen in my dimension, you get used to very screwed-up things." said Max.

"I've been meaning to ask: in your dimension there's a very arid climate, right?" asked Jake.

"Yeah, so?" asked Max

"So what's with all the leather?" asked Jake. "Surely it would make you even hotter. But in every post-apocalyptic movie I've seen everybody wears it."

Max thought for a minute. He then smiled and replied "I think a lot of the crazies used the fact that there's practically no law and order just to wear a lot of bondage gear in public.".

Max and Jake laughed. Jake looked at their scanner as they exited the city and said "No cops for about forty miles now. Feel free to put your foot to the floor for about an hour or less.".

"Will do." said Max as he sped up the Black Knight.

They passed a lay-by, which Camaro and AMX had parked their cars in.

"Alright! That's a Cannonballer if ever I saw one." said AMX.

"Then get rid of your Big Gulp and let's go!" said Camaro as he got his gun ready, put on his helmet and drove off after the Black Knight.

AMX did likewise and both assassins followed Max and Jake.

On the Black Knight's radio, Love Fist were getting ready to play.

"Okay! It's a new day, and here is some great driving music for our racers! One, two, three, four!"

The song started.

As the Black Knight sped down the Tennessee highway at high speed, Camaro and AMX headed in on an intercept course.

"I'll go in first." said Camaro into his radio. "Back me up.".

"Understood." replied AMX.

Camaro sent a brief gust of nitrous into his car's engine which gave him a short enough burst of speed to match the Black Knight's speed.

**Wheels keep turning.**  
**Blind desires.**  
**Core ambition.**  
**Never tires.**

"This guy's getting close." said Jake as he looked in the mirror.

"Think this could be a hostile?" asked Max.

"I think it's definitely a hostile!" said Jake.

"Okay." said Max as he sped the Black Knight up to an even higher speed. "Let's see if he can keep up.".

"He's making a break for it!" said AMX into the radio. "Catch him!".

"Don't panic!" said Camaro. "This dickhead's mine!"

**Got an engine.**  
**Got intentions.**  
**No dissensions.**  
**Nothing to hide.**

**Gotta' mission.**  
**Street munitions.**  
**Any road block.**

**I believe.**  
**And I believe.**  
**And I believe.**  
**And I believe.**  
**I'll run it.**

**You know I'll run it.**

Camaro pushed his car for all it was worth. He put his free arm out the car's open window and fired a couple of shots from his gun at the Black Knight.

Max moved the car with expert ease and managed to avoid every shot.

"You've done this before!" said Jake, amazed.

"I've faced worse things than bullets in my time." said Max. "Hang on, I have an idea.".

Max had checked the scanner and saw that there were roadworks about two miles up the road.

He kept the Black Knight going a good distance away from the two Killer Cars.

Suddenly, he got on the brakes and turned the Black Knight around so it was facing towards the two hostiles.

"What are you doing?" asked Jake.

"One of my most effective manouveres." replied Max as he sped down the road towards Camaro, who was fast approaching.

Seeing the black car on a chicken run towards him, Camaro smirked and poured on the speed.

**Road side tyrants.**  
**Revolution.**  
**Speed is silent.**  
**Absolution.**

The two cars quickly got closer and closer to each other. As Camaro was right on top of the Black Knight, he suddenly lost his nerve and swerved off to the side, going past Max and Jake.

"SHIT!" he yelled. He picked up his radio and said into it. "AMX, get that guy!".

**Got reactions.**  
**Got attractions.**  
**Each infraction.**  
**We're gonna' die.**

"Hold on, he's turning around again." said AMX over the radio.

"What?" said Camaro as he looked in his mirror and saw that the Black Knight had indeed turned around again and was now on his tail.

Max kept his eyes focused on his enemy as he came up on the Camaro's back bumper.

**Got redemption.**  
**Fool's intentions.**  
**Any road block.**

**I believe.**  
**And I believe.**  
**And I believe.**  
**And I believe.**  
**I'll run it.**

**You know I'll run it.**

As the guitar solo started, Camaro got nervous and sped his car up as far as it would go. But the Black Knight's incredible speed kept it on his tail. He began to swelter under his helmet, afraid he would be caught.

Max checked the scanner and hit the brakes on the Black Knight. They had reached the roadworks.

Camaro noticed a flagman who yelled "Stop!" and then looked ahead, horrified.

He slammed on his own brakes, but that didn't stop him from driving into a big hole that had been dug in the road.

The Camaro landed at the bottom of the hole. Camaro pulled his helmeted head out of the airbag and pounded the dashboard in a rage.

The Black Knight drove past. Max honked the horn and gave a mock salute as he drove off at high speed.

"Camaro! Are you okay?" AMX's voice said over the radio.

"I'm alive if that's what you mean." said Camaro. "Get after that son-of-a-bitch!".

"Will do!" said AMX as his car drove past the hole and got after the Silver Bullet.

Jake reached under his seat and pulled out a shotgun which had some strange lights on it.

"Where'd you get that?" asked Max.

"Found it in my Christmas stocking." Jake smirked.

AMX had now caught up with them and was getting ready to attack.

"Alright, bozos. Your butts are mine!" said AMX as he flicked a switch on his dashboard and his front bumper flicked up to become a battering ram.

**Got reactions.**  
**Got attractions.**  
**Each infraction.**  
**We're gonna' die.**

He sped up as fast as he could and gave the Silver Bullet a thump from behind with his battering ram.

As he backed off a bit to try again, the battering ram suddenly fell off.

"What the hell?" he said. "That ram was made of adamantium!".

As the Black Knight got ahead of the AMX, Jake leaned out the window with the shotgun and took aim at a 'Stop' sign.

He fired a shot from the gun and the sign's post was severed.

As the Black Knight sped on, the AMX tried to catch up.

**Got redemption.**  
**Fool's intentions.**  
**Any road block.**

**I believe.**  
**And I believe.**  
**And I believe.**  
**And I believe.**  
**I'll run it.**

**You know I'll run it.**

The sign started to fall into the road. AMX saw it and jammed on his brakes.

As he stopped, the sign fell with a loud crash onto the hood of his car.

**You know I'll run it.**  
**You know I'll run it.**

'Drive' by Savatage.

The Black Knight was by now far ahead.

AMX grumbled and picked up his CB and tuned it to Lester's frequency.

"Hello, Mastermind. Come in please." he said.

"Well, anything to report?" Lester asked over the radio. "I'm kind of busy here."

"Camaro and I are out of the game for now. I think our cars need repairing before they can be used again." reported AMX.

"You guys had trouble too, huh?" Charger's voice said over the radio. "So much for 'experts', eh?"

"Like you did any better, old man!" sneered Camaro over the radio.

"Hey, I had a Cannonballer where I wanted him until that caped creep showed up!" said Charger.  
"But I know how to deal with him. Besides, I'm not out of the game just yet!".

"Well, whatever it is you're going to do, do it!" snapped Lester. "I hope I can expect a few more results from you lot in the next continent! In the meantime, Camaro, you and AMX find transport to the New York area. We have a battalion of Wasps standing by there. I'll give you a chance to redeem yourselves.".

"Roger." said AMX wearily.

* * *

In Murfreesboro, Tennessee, Team Midnight Club were not so lucky as Ron Burgundy had hoped. They had been arrested by the local police for speeding.

Dice sat in the sheriff's office and waited for him. Finally, his wait ended and the sherriff entered.

"Good morning." said the sheriff. "My name is Sheriff Baxter. I'm sure you know why you were brought here today."

"I was speeding." said Dice.

"More than that." said Baxter. "You are known to be a participant in the Cannonball Run. What's your name? Dice?"

"Yeah."

"Why don't you tell me what it is you're doing in this race?" asked Baxter. "Why are you risking your life and those of your teammates and everyone else on the road as you race for the finish?"

"You wouldn't understand." said Dice.

"Try me." said Baxter. "I just might understand. I might understand more than anyone."

"You'll think I'm bad." said Dice.

"Maybe, maybe not." said Baxter. "You just might be doing this for a reason I can relate to."

"I don't think you'll think the ends justify the means." said Dice.

"How do you know?" asked Baxter. "I might respect your choice to risk everything. What is it that's so important to you?"

"Okay, okay." said Dice as he started to get emotional. "It's like this. I'm doing this for my son, Case."

"Your son, Case." said Baxter.

"A few years ago, I hooked up with this girl, Sheryl." said Dice. "She was very good to me and quite the looker I might add. Nice brown hair, the cutest hazel eyes, thin but not too thin, she even had the nicest birthmark on her shoulder blade that looked like an eagle."

"And she was the mother of your son?" asked Baxter.

Dice nodded and continued the story more emotionally. "After a couple of years together, she gave me Case. I had a job as a pizza delivery boy to make money while she took night classes to be a nurse. Just before she finished her schooling, I was involved in a crash while delivering a pizza and they fired me. They just up and fired me. But she didn't hold it against me. She promised to support us both until I got another job."

"So, what happened?" asked Baxter.

Dice really started to get emotional. "She was going for her first day on the job when she got in the way of a gang initiation. Some real hard ones called the Raging Tigers. I heard about it and I got there in time to hear Sheryl tell me to help our son."

"How?" asked Baxter, now concerned.

"Well, with the accident in my profile," said Dice "I couldn't get a traditional job. So, I had to turn to street racing to make ends meet. That was touch and go for a while, then that night. I was desperate. I was forced to put up my pink slip for a large monetary sum. I thought...I thought I had a chance. But when this guy just blows past me, it was all over. Next thing I know, this huge guy, I'm talking orca-big, tells me I've got a choice. I can either take the loss and leave with no cash and no car, or I can drive for him in the Cannonball. If I lose, I'm busted. Those two are other guys facing the same problem."

"So, they've been forced into the Cannonball as well." said Baxter.

"My son, that girl's husband, the Russian's brother." said Dice. "We're all on the edge here. We're trying to help those who can't help themselves."

Baxter thought about his story for a few seconds. Then he said "I can see you've been put into a bad place here. I wish you weren't facing this situation, but I can see you have a good reason to enter this race. I'll tell you what. I'm going to let the three of you go and try to win this race. I'm also going to try to take in as much of your competition as possible."

"Thank you!" said Dice, barely holding it in. "Thank you so much!"

Minutes later, Dice, Parfait, and Savo got back into the Ecureil. Just before climbing into the driver's seat, Dice turned to Baxter and silently said "Thank you." Baxter raised his coffee cup in response. Dice then started the car and drove off.

"I hate it when good people are asked to do bad things." said Baxter. He then went to take a sip of his coffee and looked at his bulletin board. He then froze in surprise. He was so surprised, he dropped his coffee cup which shattered when it hit the floor.

He walked over to the bulletin board and replayed Dice's story in his head.

_"I'm doing this for my son, Case."_

Baxter looked at a notice of a stolen Case tractor.

_"She was very good to me and quite the looker I might add. Nice brown hair, the cutest hazel eyes, thin but not too thin, she even had the nicest birthmark on her shoulder blade that looked like an eagle."_

Baxter looked at a mugshot of a woman fitting that very description.

_"I had a job as a pizza delivery boy to make money, I was involved in a crash while delivering a pizza."_

Baxter looked at a newspaper clipping of a story of a pizza delivery boy involved in such an accident.

_"She got in the way of a gang initiation. Some real hard ones called the Raging Tigers."_

Baxter looked at a poster for a Little League team called the Raging Tigers.

_"Next thing I know, this huge guy, I'm talking orca-big, tells me I've got a choice."_

Baxter looked at a newspaper clipping about a morbidly obese criminal mastermind named "Dale the Whale".

_"We're trying to help those who can't help themselves."_

Baxter then looked at a poster for a children's charity with the slogan "Helping those who can't help themselves." He then looked away in shock.

Dice raced down the highway and said "And like that...he is gone."

* * *

Elsewhere in the state, Max pulled the Maniac 2 into a convenience store. "Liam, I thought I told you to go easy on the Combos!" he said as he and Laura climbed out.

"I said I was hungry." said Liam.

"Come on, let's see if they have enough nourishment." said Laura.

As Max and Laura entered the store, Liam just laid back and said "And he says I'm irrational at times."

Just then, the Evenflow pulled into the lot. Victoria climbed out and took a look at the Maniac 2. Liam slid down in the seat.

"Yeah, definitely looks like a Cannonballer's car." she said to herself.

Max and Laura walked out of the store. "You got an entire bag of Sun Chips?" asked Max.

"What can I say? I love Harvest Cheddar." said Laura.

"Compared to my wife and my cousin, my diet is practicaly normal." said Max.

"Excuse me." said Victoria. "Is that your car?"

Max looked at the Maniac 2 and said "Sure is. Like tuners?"

"I'm more into muscle myself." said Victoria as she pointed to the Evenflow.

"Nice wheels." said Max. "We call ours Maniac 2. Got a name for yours?"

"I call it the Evenflow." said Victoria.

"Like the Pearl Jam song?" asked Laura.

"Yeah, does it make you feel _Alive_?" asked Max.

"Did you want to get it in _Black_?" asked Laura.

"When you drive it, do you need to wear _Corduroy_ pants?" asked Max.

"Are you planning to give it to your _Daughter_?" asked Laura.

"Is there anything special with the _Rearviewmirror_?" asked Max.

"Was the car on your _Wishlist_?" asked Laura.

"Like I haven't head that before." said Victoria. "Yes, the car is named for the Pearl Jam song. It was a present from my brother and he's a huge Pearl Jam fan."

"And what's his name?" asked Max.

Victoria sighed. "Jeremy." she said.

"Something's up." said Liam. He grabbed his mask and put it on.

"So what are you doing out this way?" asked Laura. "Are you also in the Cannonball?"

"No, but that is the reason I'm here." said Victoria as she adjusted her belt.

"You're a fan?" asked Max.

"More like an enforcer." she pulled out a handgun and pointed it at them. "Put your hands on your head. Don't make this any harder than it has to be."

Max and Laura immediately followed her orders. "I think we made one Pearl Jam pun too many." said Laura.

Liam jumped out of the Maniac 2 and called "Twister, on!" A pair of light blue tornadoes were broadcast from his visor and picked up Victoria and spun her around. She landed on her hands and knees with a grunt.

Max, Liam, and Laura jumped back into the Maniac 2 and pulled out. They hit the road at full speed. Victoria climbed back to her feet, then jumped into the Evenflow and took off after them.

Down the road...

"And then Laura asked her if she was in the Cannonball and she pulled her gun." said Max as he drove.

"Obviously working with law enforcement." said Laura.

"Clever puns, I might add." said Liam. "So, do you think she approached the car _With Arms Wide Open_?"

Laura and Max looked confused. "I don't get it." said Laura.

"Well, you're doing puns based on Pearl Jam songs." said Liam.

"Yeah, I know." said Max. "But 'With Arms Wide Open' is by Creed."

Victoria floored the accelerator and came close to the rear of the Maniac 2.

"Guys!" said Laura. "She's gaining on us!"

"Maybe we should pull our guns and scare her off." said Liam.

"I wish we could." said Max. "If only vehicle transformations weren't illegal."

"That was only in effect two years ago." said Liam. "The ban was lifted during the race."

"Really?" asked Max.

"Yeah." said Laura.

"Why doesn't anyone tell me these things?" asked Max.

He turned the wheel sharply and spun the car so it was facing Victoria. She hit the brakes and brought her car to a halt.

Just then, Max hit the red button on his dashboard. The sides extended outward and revealed tank treads as the wheels rotated downward. The rear hatch rose and revealed a missile rack. The spoiler tilted up to become a radar scanner. A pair of guns extended from the grill.

Victoria took in the scene, then slowly slipped her gearshift into reverse. She eased the car onto the side of the road, then raced off in the opposite direction.

"Shall we continue?" asked Max.

"Why not?" asked Laura.

Max transformed the Maniac 2 back into a sports coupe and raced off.

"Maybe the car makes her feel _Everything Zen_." said Liam.

"Bush." said Max.

"Maybe she held a _Hunger Strike_ for the car." said Liam.

"Temple of the Dog." said Max.

"Maybe she...ah, forget it." said Liam.

* * *

Somewhere else, near Cookeville, Tuesday, Katie, Roger and Corey gathered around the Bonfire, trying to figure out where they were.

"We're lost again, aren't we?" said Corey impatiently. "God knows how far behind we are right now."

"Don't worry, guys. I can get us out of this." said Katie.

"That's what you said last time." said Tuesday. "And that's what caused us to take a turn that took us twenty miles out of our way!"

"I know!" said Katie. "That's why I told Roger to stop at that gas station." She held up a road map. "I got this there.".

"Great. A map." said Corey sarcastically.

"Well why not?" said Roger. "Last time all she had was a hunch so I think this is a definite improvement.".

"So, come on! Let's go! I guarantee we can make the lead if we follow this route I've planned." said Katie.

* * *

Takumi and K.T. sat in Sheriff Baxter's interrogation room. Takumi looked nervous while K.T. just looked mildly annoyed.

"Okay, we got a call for a speeder at eleven o'clock this morning." said Sheriff Baxter. "We went to investigate and found these two. Unfortunately, they don't appear to speak English. So, we're going to need you to translate."

"It's no problem." said a Japanese man. He turned to Takumi and K.T. and said "(Good morning, my name is Masado. I will be translating for you.)"

"First, I want you to ask about their actions on the highway." said Baxter.

"(Can you explain the reasons behind your driving today?)" asked Masado.

"(We're in the Cannonball.)" said Takumi. "(But don't tell him that. Please!)"

"He says they were out for a little drive." said Masado.

"Now, you listen to me!" yelled Baxter to Takumi, scaring him even more. "Maybe that kind of driving..."

"Uh, talk to me." said Masado.

"Maybe that kind of driving is fine in Tokyo or Osaka or wherever you're from!" yelled Baxter to Masado. "But here, we have speed limits! And it's up to you as a motorist to obey them!"

"(This very angry man is explaining that there are speed limits in this country.)" said Masado. "(He says that you are obliged to obey them when you drive.)"

"(Perhaps he doesn't understand the thrill of high-speed racing.)" said K.T. "(Both of us are very skilled in the mountains of Japan.)"

"He says that his skills are perfect for the actions of this morning." said Masado.

"You should tell him this!" said Baxter. "Tell him that if someone were to cut in front of him when he's at those speeds, we'd be scooping his brains off the asphalt and sending them back to Japan in a doggie bag!"

"(This borderline psychotic man is now trying to warn you against racing on the highway.)" said Masado.

"(Maybe you should have him try to race against us.)" said K.T. "(Then, he can see firsthand how our driving skills are.)"

"He's saying you should let him display his driving skills." said Masado. "He says you'd see he's actually quite good."

"Yeah, everybody says they're a good driver!" yelled Baxter. "But get this through your head! No driver is as good as they think!"

"(I can no longer support this angry and possibly racist man any longer.)" said Masado.

"(I'll tell you what.)" said K.T. "(If you can get us out of here, I'll make it worth your while.)"

"Oh." said Masado, feigning embarrassment. "I'm afraid there's been a terrible misunderstanding. These are the guys who phoned in the speeder."

Baxter also looked embarrassed. After a few seconds, he said "Cut 'em loose."

He then stormed out of the interrogation room. Takumi let out a sigh of relief while K.T. smiled.

Masado turned to K.T. and asked "(Split the prize?)"

"(It's a deal.)" said K.T. He joined Masado in a handshake.

* * *

The Bonfire now drove through a cow pasture, with Katie driving and managing to avoid the cows.

"Brilliant!" Corey complained. "Another patented Katie Howard shortcut!"

"Are you capable of NOT being cynical for a few seconds?" asked Roger. "You saw the route she drew on the map. This will save us thirty miles of highway and bypass any small towns and local yokel speedtrap cops therein.".

"Exactly." said Katie as she steered with expertise.

"This is either pure genius or one of the dumbest things ever done!" said Tuesday. "A bit like that movie version of 'Dune'."

"Okay, there's our exit." said Katie as she steered through an open gateway at the end of the pasture and steered back onto the highway.

Roger smiled. "We've closed the gap quite considerably according to this radar thing. Make like Shirley Muldowney for a while so we can keep it that way."

"Will do." said Katie as she put her foot down.

* * *

On a long straightaway leading to Kingsport, the Cavaliere tried to overtake the Usagi.

Buffy was able to keep ahead of them without problems.

"That Buffy is sure tough to beat." said Daphne, who drove the Cavaliere.

"Well, why do you think they call her 'the Slayer'." said Freddie.

"Like, don't worry." said Shaggy as he kept an eye on the Slipstream Turbo meter which was almost fully charged.

"Just keep right behind them for a few seconds more." said Velma, as she kept a finger poised over the SST button.

"Come on, Buffy. Let's leave Mystery Stink in the dust!" said Jordan as Buffy steered handily around any obstacles.

"Hey, we may be trying to beat them, but name-calling in unneccessary." said Buffy. "Besides, I feel a real kinship with Daphne.".

As the Usagi reached the 140 mph mark, the SST meter in the Cavaliere was fully charged.

"It's ready, guys!" said Shaggy.

"Roh, boy!" said Scooby.

"Just let me get a clear path." said Daphne as she swerved around the Usagi and got ready for the rush.

"HIT IT!" yelled Daphne.

Velma pushed the SST button and the Cavaliere was shot forward at over 200 mph.

They outdistanced the Usagi with no problems and entered the city of Memphis.

"Holy crap!" said Veronica. "We should have got one of those fitted."

"Never mind." said Buffy as she slowed down. "Maybe we can concentrate on a while on your case, Veronica.".

"Yeah. Any information about the perp?" asked Jordan

Veronica took out her file and looked through it.

"Well, according to the intelligence I gathered, he recently purloined a muscle car, make and model unknown at present, and had intentions of entering the Cannonball to use it as a cover. It's believed that he was seen somewhere near Las Venturas towards the start of the race. No photograph of him on file, though. We don't even know his name yet.".

"Regular ghost, huh?" asked Buffy. "What about the guy he stole the car from?"

"We've been trying to contact him." said Veronica. "Unfortunately, he's currently out of the country. He's left no contact information."

"Well, then, it looks like we can concentrate on the race until we can reach him, then." said Jordan.

* * *

Back in Murfreesboro, the Doomsayer sped along.

"If we hadn't stopped for that All You Can Eat Chili Dog challenge, we wouldn't have fallen behind!" snapped Luigi.

"How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?" said Sonic.

"Never mind!" said Mario. "As you can see, I'm giving it hell so we can catch up.".

"Good." said Tails. "Because as the late Jerry Reed said, 'we've got a long way to go and a short time to get there'.".

"Hey. You like-a 'Smokey and The Bandit'?" asked Mario.

"You bet!" said Tails.

"Then let's put that little number on!" said Luigi as he inserted a CD into the player and Jerry Reed's 'East Bound and Down' started playing.

The Doomsayer drove past a police speedtrap. Noticing the red Alfa's incredible speed, a squad car pulled out and took off after them.

The officer in the car radioed in to Sheriff Baxter.

"Sheriff Baxter, this here's Clark!" the officer said. "I got me a speeder. Red Alfa Romeo, going about a hundred and twenty!".

"120!" said Baxter as he took the report in his office over the radio. "Did you get a look at the driver?"

"Negative, sheriff. But I'm gonna get their ass and bite down hard!" said Clark.

"You're damn right you are!" said Baxter. "I've had more than my fill of those Cannonball assholes today!"

The squad car struggled to keep up with the Doomsayer, but Mario easily got a huge lead on him.

"So much for that." said Sonic. "According to the scanner there's only one more cop between here and the town up ahead.".

"I think we'll have a little fun with these paisans." said Mario as he flicked a switch.

The Doomsayer glowed for a few seconds, and then the paint job changed from red to green.

"This will certainly cause a few headaches." said Luigi.

"I've lost sight of 'em, Sheriff. I could use some help." said Clark into his radio.

"Loomis, are you out there?" asked Baxter into the radio.

"This here's Patrolwoman Loomis here, Sheriff." reported a cop waiting behind a billboard.

"Listen. Clark is in pursuit of an Alfa Romeo, colour red. Keep your eyes skinned for it and get ready to lend assistance." said Baxter.

A few seconds later, the Doomsayer sped past Loomis' patrol car. She looked confused and drove off after it.

"Sheriff, Alfa Romeo just went past me like a cheetah on speed." she reported. "Colour: green.".

Baxter looked confused. "What colour did you say?" he asked.

"I said 'green', sir." replied Loomis.

"Well, catch it anyway!" said Baxter.

"Roger that." said Loomis as she tried to catch up with the Doomsayer.

As the Doomsayer approached the town, Mario quickly veered off the main road and drove into a nearby barn.

"Okay. We'll just let them go past." said Mario as he shut off the Doomsayer's engine.

After a while, they saw both squad cars enter the town and look around for their missing quarry.

"Perfecto!" said Mario as he kissed his fingertips.

"Just one last change." said Sonic as he activated the colour changer again and the Doomsayer became yellow.

Mario then drove the car out of the barn, keeping at legal speed.

"Clark here, Sheriff." said Clark. "We've lost sight of both cars.".

"Great!" said Baxter sarcastically. "How hard is it to lose two nutjobs driving Italian speed machines? I wanna see both of you in my office right now!"

The Doomsayer slowly cruised past the sheriff's station as the two squad cars made their approach.

"Hey, Sheriff." said Loomis. "Did you see that yellow Alfa Romeo?"

"A YELLOW Alfa Romeo?" spluttered Baxter.

"It drove right past the station there. It wasn't speeding, though." reported Loomis.

Sheriff Baxter let out a long sigh and rested his head on his hand.

He then spoke into the radio.

"All units, this is Baxter. See if you can manage without me for the rest of the day. I'm not feeling well.". he said.

* * *

In Bowling Green, Kentucky, the Utopia, Terrific, Destroyer, Wayfarer, and Asp raced into the parking lot at the Corvette factory. They then pulled into a row of parking lots and their occupants climbed out.

"Looks like we're just in time." said Ron.

"Let's go." said Howard.

"Where are Mortimer and his team?" asked Stella.

"Who cares?" asked Cole. "Let's get that clue."

"Hopefully, this will not take long." said Destro.

The teams entered the factory and looked around.

"Now, where's this clue?" asked the Drake.

"Paul's got it." said the foreman.

The racers looked around the factory and saw the clue envelopes hanging from around the neck of a man who helped to place hoods on Corvettes.

"I think we have to talk to him." said Joe.

"Hey, Paulie!" said Left Ear.

"Yeah?" asked the man.

"You got a clue for us?" asked Lyle.

"Sure do." said Paul. "If you want it, you have to put something on this car."

"Okay." said Charlie.

Venom and Ron grabbed opposite ends of a front bumper and lifted it. They guided it to the car and set it in place. Paul handed them their clue.

"Thank you very much." said Venom.

He and Ron took the clue to the Drake while Destro picked up the car's driver's seat.

"What does it say?" asked the Drake.

"It says to find the Chicken Capital of the World and find the next clue in the middle of a lake sharing its name with a 'Pushing Daisies' actress." said Ron.

"The Chicken Capital of the World?" asked Venom. "What the hell is that?"

Destro had fitted the seat and received his clue.

"I would assume a town known for chicken restaurants." said Ron as Howard took the passenger seat.

"How do we find out what that is?" asked the Drake.

"If Tony were here, he could tell you." said the foreman. "He's probably our biggest chicken lover."

Howard fitted the seat and took his clue.

"When does he come in?" asked Venom.

"About ten minutes." said the foreman as Joe and Cole picked up the rear hatch.

"We can't wait that long." said the Drake. "Maybe we should concentrate on the other half of the clue."

"A lake sharing its name with an actress from 'Pushing Daisies'." said Ron.

"I loved that show!" said Venom.

Joe and Cole had fitted the rear hatch and received their clue.

"Who were the female cast members?" asked the Drake.

"Let me think." said Venom as Charlie and Left Ear tried to maneuver the windshield onto the Corvette. "Anna Friel, Kristin Chenowith, Swoosie Kurtz, and Ellen Greene."

Ron checked his cell phone while Charlie and Left Ear received their clue. "There's a Lake Anna in Virginia." he said. "There's also a Lake Ellen in Wisconsin, but no Lake Kirstin or Lake Swoosie."

"Wasn't expecting those last two." said the Drake.

"Wisconsin is out of the way." said Venom. "Virginia is right on the way to the bridge."

"Good thinking." said the Drake. "I'm going to advance a couple of decades past my favorite music period and say I can't wait to...meet Virginia."

They started for the exit. Several of the other teams checked their cell phones and followed them.

"Be sure to come back for a tour!" said the foreman.

Within minutes, the cars raced out of the parking lot. As they left, the Wisdom pulled in.

"I told you that you should have tried the Pepper Punch." said Mortimer as the team got out of the van.

"Sorry, I thought you meant the Orangeade." said Bob as he closed the driver's side door. "We may have had to switch drivers a couple of times, but I think I'm better at building robots."

They entered the factory. "Hey, you're just in time to give us a hand." said the foreman.

Within a minute, Bob and Mortimer used torque wrenches to attach the wheels to the car. When all four were on, Paul gave them their clue.

A man walked in as Mortimer read the clue to Bob and Bella. "What's going on here?" asked the man.

"Those guys are Cannonballers, Tony." said the foreman. "This was a checkpoint on a puzzlehunt."

"I see." said Tony.

"Great, we're already behind." said Bob. "Now, we have to figure out this clue to stay competitive."

"What's the Chicken Capital of the World?" asked Bella.

"Barberton, Ohio." said Tony as he went to his station.

"Really?" asked Paul. "Everyone else went to Virginia."

"Thank you very much." said Mortimer.

* * *

The V8 Ghost and the Silver Bullet both sped through Kentucky on the road to Lexington.

Mr. Incredible still checked the readout from the homing device Dash had placed on Stingray's car.

"Alright! I got it! That 'vette is coming to a halt somewhere near Huntington." Mr. Incredible announced to Lone Wolf.

"I know that part of the country." Hardtop said. "My cousin Melvin has a farm out there. I think I have a plan.".

"Well, then, let's hear it." said Lone Wolf.

* * *

At Race Central, Lazlow once again held down the fort.

"Alright, folks, we've had a buttload of calls coming in from people showing their support of the Cannonball." he announced. "Great to know there are so many eager fans out there. I think we'll go live to a caller.".

The call was connected.

"Hello, caller. You're on the air. What do you think about the Cannonball?" Lazlow asked.

The voice which replied was that of Sheriff Baxter.

"I think it's a right royal pain-in-the-ass!" he said. "That damn race has come through my jurisdiction and caused me the biggest headache I've ever had!"

"Let me guess." said Lazlow, a bit deflated. "You're a police officer.".

"I am the duly elected Sheriff of Murfreesboro, Tennessee. AND I am sick of all this road illegality!" Baxter said.

"Get in line, then." Lazlow sarcastically replied.

"You can laugh, Lazlow, or whatever the hell your name really is, but I will NOT lie down and let this go on!" Baxter ranted. "My cousin is in public office in this state, and with his help I intend to start up my own anti-Cannonball task force to handle this problem. All personnel will be handpicked from the best and brightest the Tennessee Highway Patrol has to offer. I'm calling it...Cannonball Run Assault Patrol!".

"C.R.A.P?" asked Lazlow in amusement. "Your organisation will be called C.R.A.P? What kind of moron are you?".

"I'm not the moron here, you asshole. You are! You and those damn Cannonballers!" Baxter ranted. "That is why exactly I am going to pick the best and the brightest from the Tennessee Highway Patrol and any other states that are willing to co-operate to be in my unit.".

"So, the best and the brightest are suddenly going to become C.R.A.P. police officers?" Lazlow asked.

"Cannonball Run Assault Patrol, Lazlow!" Baxter snapped.

"Whatever. So, have you had many volunteers to join your C.R.A.P. ranks yet?" Lazlow asked, enjoying himself thoroughly.

"It's CANNONBALL RUN ASSAULT PATROL, you retard! Are you deaf or just rude?" Baxter snapped.

"Well, have you had any volunteers yet?" Lazlow insisted.

"About four or five right now. Some are a bit sheepish to step up." Baxter replied.

"So, four or five state troopers are going to stop the Cannonball?" Lazlow teased. "It's appropriate you picked the name you did for your unit as I'm sure they'd do a C.R.A.P. job!"

Lazlow laughed while Baxter grunted in anger.

"That does it!" Baxter said. "I'm through having this infantile discussion with you! You'll see who's laughing when all the Cannonballers end up behind bars where they belong! Good day, sir!"

Baxter hung up the phone.

"And so, there you have it, folks. The Cannonballers have pissed off someone else. Must mean they're doing their job right." Lazlow remarked. "Okay, time for a commercial."

* * *

In Louisville, Kentucky, the Primus ran in a drag race against a '54 Chevy Two-Ten.

"This guy is really giving it hell." said Captain Pierce, who actually enjoyed the race. "Just keep your foot down, Jerry.".

"Of course I will." said Jerry as he looked up ahead and saw a finish line which had been spray painted by local street racers.

"Okay, here we go!" yelled Jerry as he activated the nitrous shot and sped across the finish line first.

"YEAH!" Jerry yelled. "I have NEVER come in last and I don't intend to in this Cannonball.".

"Well done." said Captain Pierce. "You really tore that guy a new ass."

The Chevy driver pulled over to the side of the Primus.

"Great race, guys." he said. "That reputation you have back in Richmond is deserved, Jerry.".

"Don't you know it, Cousin Jim." Jerry smirked at his cousin. "Great job fixing up the Two-Ten. I really had to fight for that victory.".

Suddenly, a radio in the Two-Ten picked up a police broadcast reporting street racers.

"Shit! Po-po!" said Jim. "I'll try and distract them. You guys get outta here!"

"Right. See ya, kid!" said Captain Pierce as Jerry sped off.

As the Primus turned out of the street it was in, going at well over 100 mph, two police cruisers saw it and gave chase.

"I spent a shitload of my pension fixing this ride up for you, Jerry." said Pierce. "If it gets crushed, I'll never forgive you.".

"Relax, cap." said Jerry. "You've still got that gizmo Shavers gave us.".

"Yep." said Pierce as he pulled out the microwave disruptor gun. "It's only good one shot right now, though. Remember?".

"Then don't miss." Jerry replied as he swerved around a corner. He narrowly missed another squad car, which also turned around and gave chase.

"Driver! Pull over! This is your last warning!" said one cop over his PA.

Pierce leaned out of his window, holding the disruptor gun.

"Steady, steady." he said as he took aim at the leading cruiser.

As the cruisers got nearer he smirked and pulled the trigger on the gun.

A shower of sparks came out from under the hood of the lead cruiser as its' electrical system was shorted out.

The cruiser came to a halt. One of the other cars couldn't stop in time and plowed into the back of the lead cruiser.

The third car swerved around them and kept on the Primus' tail.

"Get back inside, Cap." said Jerry. "I have an idea.".

Pierce climbed back inside and fastened his seatbelt.

"Okay, kid. Whatever you're gonna do, do it now." said Pierce.

"Okay." said Jerry as he turned into another street and drove onto the pavement.

Pedestrians quickly jumped out of the way as the Primus raced down the pavement. The cop car turned into the street and followed Jerry.

Jerry sped towards the courtyard of a museum, where a large Tyrannosaurus skeleton had been erected as an exhibit.

"Normally, I respect history." said Jerry. "But this is necessary."

He steered for a couple of the supports holding the skeleton up and plowed right through them.

The skeleton came down like a ton of bricks, completely blocking the cop car's way.

Jerry laughed and turned down a sidestreet quickly. He steered the Primus through the entrance to an underground car park.

"Just wait a few minutes." he said to himself as he slipped in behind a large truck.

Pierce listened to the car's radio and, after about thirty seconds, heard the police call off the search.

"Whoo!" said Pierce. "Makes me wonder what you needed alcohol for in the first place, Jerry. This shit's intense enough."

"Yeah. I see that now." said Jerry. "Now, we shall be on our merry way".

* * *

On a long highway in Kentucky, running through some rugged countryside, the Licorne sped down the highway.

At the wheel was Shrek, wearing his Captain Fury mask.

"We seem to have dropped behind Captain Chaos, my friends." He said. "But don't worry. We shall cover lost ground with great ease."

"Amen to that, Captain!" said Puss as Shrek put his foot to the floor and the Licorne took a great boost of speed.

Up ahead of them on the road was Charger, standing beside his parked car. He could see the Licorne coming through a pair of binoculars.

He smirked to himself as he lowered the binoculars.

"So that's one of those weirdos who wears a mask for the Cannonbnall?" he mused to himself. "I'll enjoy this!"

He climbed into to his sinister black Charger, put his helmet on and started the engine as he put his safety belt on.

In the Licorne, Shrek suddenly looked troubled.

"I sense the presence of something hostile, my friends." he said.

Fiona took out some binoculars of her own and looked at the road ahead of them. She saw the Charger getting ready to come at them.

"I think I see it now." she said. "Must be that guy who attacked Corvax."

Donkey looked. "You mean the General Lee's evil twin up ahead there? Captain, we gotta kick some ass for our Cannonball friends.".

"Indeed we shall. Hang on tight, good citizens!" said Shrek as he accelerated the Licorne.

Charger hit the gas on his car and sped towards the Licorne on a chicken run. He laughed to himself as his car reached the 120 mph mark.

The Licorne kept coming. Shrek showed no sign of letting up. Charger poured on the speed as he kept coming at his victims.

Shrek kept on his course, without once taking his eyes of the black muscle car that was fast approaching him.

Charger kept coming. He was now about ten seconds away from ramming right into the Licorne.

Suddenly, a split second before the two cars were about to hit, he swerved to one side and went off onto the grass at the side of the road.

"DAMN!" Charger yelled. The Licorne had kept going.

"SANTA MARIA!" yelled Puss as Shrek sped on. "Your name should be Captain Loco, my friend!"

"Well, I told you he wouldn't take us, didn't I?" said Shrek.

"I don't think we're home free yet." said Fiona.

She was right, as Charger had quickly turned his car around and was now coming right after them.

"You don't lose me that easily, freak!" he sneered as he sped after the Licorne. "I'll show you why I'm the best at this job!".

The Charger came after the Licorne. Both vehicles' drivers kept their foot on the accelerator.

Charger suddenly turned off to his right and drove onto a dirt road leading through some woods.

"Hello, what's he up to?" asked Donkey.

"I think I know." said Shrek. "Get ready for a surprise.".

Charger sped along the dirt road, keeping his eye on it as he drove. He knew this countryside having been all over the United States before. He knew that this road would lead back onto the highway in about a third of a mile.

"Got you now, you green creep!" he said as he prepared to cut back onto the highway to intercept the Licorne.

As the Licorne came upon the point where the dirt road led back onto the highway, Charger suddenly swerved out in front of him.

The Licorne nearly spun out, but the power of the Fury mask enabled Shrek to keep control.

He swerved around Charger and sped on.

"I ain't through with you yet, guy." said Charger. "I didn't get a shitload of trophies from driving in a demolition derby!".

The Charger stayed on the Licorne's tail.

"I have an idea, Captain." said Fiona as she leaned over to whisper in Shrek's ear.

Shrek smiled. "An excellent idea, my love!" said Shrek. He hit the Licorne's boost of nitrous and gained a good bit of ground on the Charger.

As he got out of Charger's line of sight, he sudenly made a hard turn and the Licorne swerved off to the side of the road. He got ready to race back the way they had come.

Charger had now caught up with them. He looked and saw the Licorne facing the other way.

As Shrek sped off back the way they had come, Charger cursed to himself and turned his car around.

"Son of a bitch!" he yelled as he finally got his car facing the right direction and headed off after the Licorne.

As the black muscle car gained ground on the Licorne, Charger reached under his seat and pulled out a sawn-off shotgun.

He cocked the gun and, keeping one hand on the steering wheel, leaned out his window and aimed at the Licorne.

"Alright, asshole! Playtime's over. Time to terminate both this pursuit AND you!" he laughed to himself.

He took a shot at the Licorne. Donkey and Puss ducked to avoid it, but Shrek and Fiona remained calm as Shrek swerved and carefully avoided the gunshot.

Charger chambered the gun again and took another shot as he rapidly caught up with the Licorne.

Again, Shrek swerved to avoid the shot as Charger fired.

Charger had now got alongside the Licorne and laughed maniacally as he aimed his gun right at Shrek's head.

"Night night!" yelled Charger as he prepared to fire.

Shrek smiled, and quickly stepped on the brakes.

Charger's final shot went wide.

Suddenly, Charger heard a horn and looked in front of him. A tractor trailer pulled out of a lane at the side of the road.

He yelled in surprise and swerved out of its way. Both this and his great speed made his car go off to the side of the road and roll over several times.

"SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!" yelled Charger as his car rolled over, getting more and more damaged with each roll.

The Licorne sped on as Shrek and his team cheered. "I don't think he'll be bothering us for a while, my friends." Shrek said.

He smiled at Fiona and said "Good job you noticed that truck at work, my dear.".

Fiona smiled and said "Truthfully, I didn't really know if he'd pull out when he did. Guess you never can tell.".

"Okay, now let's get out of here." said Donkey.

The Licorne sped off for the state line.

The Charger had finally come to rest on its wheels. The car was now heavily dented and the roof was partly caved in.

Charger had been saved from serious injury by his safety belt and helmet.

He unfastened his belt and climbed out of the car to survey the damage.

In anger, he raised his hand to punch the window of the car, but then hesitated.

He then growled and kicked the window instead, smashing it completely.

"As soon as I get my wheels fixed, those assholes are dead!"

* * *

On a stretch of rural road near Huntington, Stingray sat in her car, listening to the report that Charger was now out of action.

"Men! You can't count on them to do anything!" she grumbled to herself. "At least I was able to take out that asshole protector in that concept car."

She heard an engine approaching and put her helmet back on.

"Sounds like a customer!" she laughed as she flipped down the visor.

She turned to look down the road as she got ready to start her car.

Her jaw dropped as she saw the Silver Bullet approaching her at high speed.

Before she could snap out of her trance, the Silver Bullet rammed into the side of the Corvette.

Lone Wolf, who was the only one in the Silver Bullet, laughed and honked the horn.

He then turned around and drove back the way he came.

Stingray angrily started her car up and took off after him.

Lone Wolf had gained a good amount of ground on the Corvette and then turned around and went down a dirt road. Lone Wolf stopped and let Stingray catch up with him.

As Stingray neared the dirt road, she stopped to take a look in each direction. Lone Wolf honked the Silver Bullet's horn and made sure she could see him before he drove off again.

Stingray clenched her teeth and drove off down the dirt road herself.

"Your ass is mine, blondie!" she said to herself. She followed the Silver Bullet into the front yard of a large farmhouse near a wheat field. She came to a halt and saw the Silver Bullet in front of her. The silver car wasn't moving.

She smirked to herself and pulled out a bundle of dynamite and prepared to light the fuse on it.

Just then, she heard another engine sound.

"SURPRISE!" Hardtop yelled.

Stingray looked to her left to see Hardtop driving towards her...in a combine harvester. The blades of the vehicle had been turned on and Hardtop was coming right at the Corvette.

Stingray cursed under her breath and quickly turned her car to go into the wheat field. Hardtop came after her in the combine and entered the field as well.

Stingray successfully lit the bundle of dynamite and threw it out her window at the combine but Hardtop was able to avoid it, even in such a large and slow vehicle.

Stingray drove through the wheat field in every conceivable direction, throwing more and more dynamite bundles at the combine at regular intervals but Hardtop still managed to avoid the explosions.

"Shit! Like a bad friggin' penny!" Stingray yelled to herself.

She hung a 180 and drove the Corvette directly at the Combine and then made a quick turn at the last minute, driving back out onto the highway.

She laughed and threw one last dynamite bundle behind herself for luck.

"So long, porkchop!" she laughed trimphantly.

She then looked ahead and saw the Combine driving out of another entrance to the wheat field up ahead of her. Hardtop turned the farm vehicle around until it faced the 'vette head on and drove towards her.

"SHIT!" she yelled. She threw the 'vette into reverse and backed up as fast as she could.

She looked behind her car and then remembered the still unexploded dynamite.

"SCREW IT!" she yelled.

Stingray opened her door and jumped clear of the 'vette as it continued reversing. It went right over the dynamite bundle just as it exploded.

The blue Corvette was completely destroyed.

Stingray swore to herself and ran through the woods on the other side of the road.

The Silver Bullet came up and joined Hardtop as he got down off the combine.

"I think that's one less problem now." Hardtop said. "Do you think we should go after her?"

"Don't worry." said Lone Wolf. "With no wheels, she won't get far.".

About half a mile away, as Stingray exited the forest, she saw a passing truck carrying hay in an open box trailer and quickly jumped onto it.

"I just love to travel in style." she said to herself sarcastically.

* * *

Somewhere near Indianapolis, the Overlord and the Bisonte both drove down a twisting road, with many sharp turns.

"Okay." said Darius, who was driving the Bisonte. "Here's where I get to show my skills!".

"I must say, you have been handling the car well, with respect and all that." said Frank.

"Well, I knew about your rep so I wanted to impress you. I had Gibbons and Shavers put me through a MAJOR NSA driving school before this race.".

The Bisonte quickly began to gain ground with the Overlord.

In the Overlord, Ford was a bit distracted with a discussion he was having with Don.

"I mean no disrespect to Morris Day, Don. You know that." said Ford. "But I just don't think that any guy who prances around vacuuming his apartment wearing stupid 80s gym wear, including a hairband, and later wears a gold silk suit AND has a friggin' MANSERVANT for God's sake, is in ANY position to call Prince a fag."

"Yeah, well remember, once upon a time, the whole silk shirt, hairy chest and gold medallion look was thought to be macho." replied Don.

"Ford, Frank is coming up." said Jazz. "So can you leave this until later.".

"No prob! This asshole won't get past me." said Ford as he poured on the speed.

As the two cars came up upon another sharp turn, the Bisonte suddenly swerved around the Overlord and took the lead.

Ford angrily honked his horn and yelled "Why don't you learn how to drive, jerkoff!".

"He DOES know how to drive. That's the problem." said Jazz.

Darius swerved with ease around the next two sharp turns, pulling off drifts. The Overlord had trouble performing the manouevers and Ford had to struggle to stay on the road.

"I see what you mean, honey." Ford said in shock.

* * *

Somewhere in the Appalachian Mountains, the Supernova XS, Kowalski, and Detector sped along the highway, racing each other to the end of the continent. However, Goliath was catching up with them. Garthe selected and armed the missiles on Goliath.

"Goodbye Cannonballers." he said as he fired all missiles at once. The three vehicles weaved and dodged the missiles aimed at them.

"What the hell!" Marcus shouted.

"Homie! Look out!" Marge cried.

All missiles missed their targets. However Garthe had another trick up his sleeve. He armed a laser cannon he had outfitted Goliath with and aimed at the Cannonballers again.

"Let's put an end to this!" Nick said as he pulled out a shotgun. Marcus slowed the Supernova XS down to get beside Goliath, and Nick opened fire on the tires on it's right side. Then Marcus sped the car ahead as Goliath crashed into the side of a rock formation.

Garthe got out to survey the damage as the Cannonballers made good their escape.

"So it didn't draw Michael Knight out." Garthe said to himself. "But I hope he gets the message."

* * *

In Team Rocket headquarters, Domino, Cassidy, Annie and Oakley watched the TV while eating popcorn and nachos and enjoying drinks, with Lady Gaga's 'Pokerface' playing on a stereo in the background.

"Where do you think the boss is now?" asked Annie as she and Oakley took sips of their pina coladas.

"Who cares?" asked Cassidy. "If Jessie and James DO screw up, we'll make sure they never hear the end of it.

"Alright, folks! It's time now to check in with our eyes in the sky, Wes Mantooth who is currently over Indiana." announced Lazlow on the screen.

The Image cut to Wes on the helicopter, looking at the road through binoculars.

"Thank you, Lazlow!" he said. "I'm checking now and I can see that powering through the state right now is Corey Howard's team in the Bonfire!"

"That's great." said Lazlow. "According to our tracking equipment, they are currently leading the pack! I know that's only if you discount the teams on the Puzzle Hunt, but it's great nonetheless."

"Oh great!" sneered Domino. "Some losers who think Manic Panic is still cool are in the lead.".

From another room, they could hear a very discordant singing voice.

"And now you find yourself in '82! The disco hotspots hold no charm for you!".

"What the HELL Is that?" demanded Oakley.

"I think I know." said Cassidy as she left to check it out.

She followed the horrible singing into an adjoining room.

Butch stood in front a TV, playing 'Guitar Hero Rocks The 80's' on the PS2. He played 'Heat of The Moment' by Asia.

This would not be so bad normally, but he sang along with the song and making guitar noises with his raspy voice.

And he was only in his underwear.

"BUTCH!" yelled Cassidy, embarrassed.

Butch turned to face her and said "WHAT? I'm wearing underpants this time!"

Cassidy sighed to herself disgustedly and went back to the room the others were in.

Annie and Oakley had just finished eating their nachos.

"That was great." Oakley said. "Is there any more food?"

"You can't still be hungry!" Annie said in disbelief.

Oakley had started to look around for some more food.

She noticed a pizza box with about four slices of Hawaiian pizza left in it and smiled. As she approached it, Domino suddenly snatched it up.

"Oh no, you don't!" Domino said. "You've had enough already. Besides, this pizza here is MINE!"

"It should be all of ours!" Cassidy protested.

"Yeah! I don't see your name on it!" snapped Oakley.

"Take a good look." smirked Domino as she opened up the lid of the box and showed it to the other girls.

It was a box from Domino's Pizza.

"You were saying?" Domino said smugly.

"Goddamn it!" huffed Annie.

* * *

"Let's check in with our leading team." said Veronica at Race Central.

The view screen came to show the 80s team who were all cheering. They had heard the news over their radio.

"I told you that shortcut would work." said Katie.

"Congratulations, guys. You're doing great!" said Misty. "Just keep up the good work and maybe victory will be yours."

"But in the meantime, to honour our currently leading team, here is some music."

On the stage, Bowling For Soup were set up and ready to go.

"I knew we'd get to do this song somehow." said Chris Burney.

"Alright!" said Jaret. "A one, a two, a three, a four!"

**Woo Hoo Hooooo!**  
**Woo hoo hooooo!**

**Debbie just hit the wall.**  
**She never had it all.**  
**One Prozac a day.**  
**Husband's a CPA.**  
**Her dreams went out the door,**  
**When she turned 24.**  
**Only been with one man.**  
**What happened to her plan?**

**She was gonna be an actress.**  
**She was gonna be a star.**  
**She was gonna shake her ass.**  
**On the hood of Whitesnake's car.**  
**Her yellow SUV is now the enemy.**  
**Looks at her average life.**  
**And nothing, has been...**  
**all right since.**

**Bruce Springsteen, Madonna.**  
**Way before Nirvana.**  
**There was U2 and Blondie,**  
**And music still on MTV.**  
**Her two kids in high school.**  
**They tell her that she's uncool.**  
**Cuz she's still preoccupied.**  
**With 19, 19, 1985.**

**Woo Hoo Hooooo!**  
**(1985)**  
**Woo Hoo Hooooo!**

**She s seen all the classics.**  
**She knows every line.**  
**"Breakfast Club", "Pretty In Pink",**  
**Even "St. Elmo's Fire".**  
**She rocked out to Wham!**  
**Not a big Limp Bizkit fan.**  
**Thought she'd get a hand.**  
**On a member of Duran Duran.**

**Where's the mini-skirt made of snakeskin?**  
**And who's the other guy that's singing in Van Halen?**  
**When did reality become T.V.?**  
**What ever happened to sitcoms, game shows, (on the radio was)**

**Springsteen, Madonna,**  
**way before Nirvana.**  
**There was U2 and Blondie.**  
**And music still on MTV.**  
**Her two kids in high school.**  
**They tell her that she's uncool,**  
**Cuz she's still preoccupied,**  
**With 19, 19, 1985.**

**Woo Hoo Hooooo!**

**She hates time, make it stop.**  
**When did Motley Crue become classic rock?**  
** And when did Ozzy become an actor?**  
**Please make this stop, stop, STOP.**  
**and bring back.**

**Springsteen, Madonna.**  
**way before Nirvana.**  
**There was U2 and Blondie.**  
**And music still on MTV.**  
**Her two kids in high school.**  
**They tell her that she's uncool.**  
**Cuz she's still preoccupied.**  
**With 1985.**

**Woo Hoo Hooooo!**

**Bruce Springsteen, Madonna.**  
**Way before Nirvana.**  
**There was U2 and Blondie.**  
**And music still on MTV (Woohoo) Her two kids in high school.**  
**They tell her that she's uncool (1985)**  
**Cuz she's still preoccupied.**  
**With 19, 19, 1985**

'1985' by Bowling For Soup

* * *

Eureka, Oregon...

Global Dynamics, site of the previous year's Cannonball fight, was fully repaired and back in business. There was even a new CEO in charge, a man named Douglas Fargo. It was business as usual, until a clever computer virus shut down their security systems. As this happened, several Wasp Droids snuck inside the facility and went down to Section 3's storage locker which was large enough to house thousands of projects from over the years. The droids searched high and low until finding the one thing they needed. Opening the storage box inside, one of the droids removed the Total Anarchy that was stored in GD ever since last year's Cannonball Run.

"Hey what are you doing!" Dr. Buckaroo Banzai asked as he saw them. "Put that back!"

The droids merely ignored him and left the facility all together, easily fighting off any members of the security team and the local police who got in their way. Outside, Sheriff Jack Carter and Deputy Jo Lupo cursed to themselves as they saw the droids fight their way out with little effort and get away with the mask.

The droids got into their chopper and handed the mask over to Badvibes, who grinned with evil delight as he held the mask in his hands. "If this wasn't supposed to be given to DeMarco, I would wear it myself and tear those Cannonballers a new one."

Badvibes and the Wasps flew off, leaving Eureka behind.

Buckaroo joined up with Jack and Jo.

"Can you track that chopper, Jack?" he asked.

"They have a stealth system we've never seen the likes of before!" said Jack in annoyance.

"Plus, we've still got our hands full getting that virus out of the security system." said Jo. "Those guys wanted the mask real bad.".

"I think I know why." Buckaroo said. "Something tells me Brock may need our help. I'll get in touch with the guys.".

* * *

The Utopia, Wayfarer, Asp, Destroyer, and Terrific pulled up to a tourist station at Lake Anna, Virginia.

"Does anybody see the clue?" asked the Baroness.

"No, and this could take a while." said Lyle.

"Does the clue give any specifics on the location of the next one?" asked Westlake.

"No, it just says to come here." said Ron.

"Howard, maybe you should fly out over there." said Charlie.

"Oh right." said Howard. "If God had meant for ducks to fly, he wouldn't have taken away our wings."

"I'm checking for a chicken restaurant in the area." said Ron as he consulted his cell phone. "We've got a few chain restaurants and other local places, but none of them claim to be the Chicken Capital of the World."

"There's an official." said Joe as he saw a woman. "Maybe she knows what we're looking for."

"Excuse me, miss." said Stella. "We're looking for some place called the Chicken Capital of the World. We were told it was around here."

"We get this a lot." said the woman. "The Chicken Capital of the World is Barberton, Ohio. They also have a Lake Anna."

Stella's eyes widened at the news. "Thank you very much." she said.

"Now, we have to go all the way to Ohio?" asked Left Ear.

"They would do this to us!" yelled Venom.

"I don't believe this!" said Cole.

They got back into their cars and drove off.

* * *

In Indianapolis, the Yellow Bird was being chased by local law enforcement.

"Hold onto your lunchpails, guys. This could get a bit weird." said C.J. as he steered the yellow Porsche into the parking lot of a local restaurant.

He headed right for a large sign advertising the restaurant's valet parking service.

"You sure you know what you're doing?" asked Tommy.

"Positive, my man!" said C.J.

He hit the sign head on, and caused it to fall over until it was sat on top of the hood of two parked cars, leading up onto them like a ramp.

"Alright. Here we go!" said C.J. as he drove up the impromptu ramp and proceeded to drive the Yellow Bird along the line of car hoods in the packed parking lot.

Claude chuckled to himself and gave a thumbs-up as the Yellow Bird made its escape from the police. A few of the cop cars tried to follow but most of them couldn't make it very far.

"You ever consider becoming a stuntman, C.J?" asked Tommy. "Because that is one of the ballsiest moves I've ever seen."

The Yellow Bird reached the end of its path and dropped back down to steet level. C.J. gave their pursuers the finger and sped off.

A few cop cars had driven around the parking lot and were still pursuing.

Claude indicated them to C.J. who replied "It's okay, don't worry.".

Further down the road, a young Catholic priest slowly drove his Ford Aerostar minivan out of his driveway. He stopped for a second to check that each direction was clear. Satisfied, he smiled and pulled out.

With a screech of tyres, the Yellow Bird suddenly rounded the corner and swerved around the minivan.

The priest stared in shock and crossed himself.

As he prepared to drive again, the police cars rounded the corner and, seeing the minivan blocking the way, slammed on their brakes. Two of them crashed into each other while the third drove into a ditch.

The priest stared in shock.

"I should really get a St. Christopher figurine." he said to himself.

* * *

The Streetfighter drove towards a small town in Virginia named Taylorsville.

As she approached the entrance to the town, a police car suddenly pulled out and blocked her way.

She grunted and came to a halt.

"Sorry, miss." one of the cops said. "You can't come through here.".

"What? I wasn't speeding." Priss complained.

"It's the law here in Taylorsville. Motorcycles aren't allowed. They cause too many accidents." the other cop said. "You'll have to take a detour on Route 11.".

Priss checked the GPS built into the Streetfighter.

"That'll take me ten miles out of my way!" she said.

"Sorry but that's the way it is." the first cop said.

"Says who?" Priss asked indignantly.

"Our sheriff." said the second cop as he pointed to a nearby billboard.

It showed a picture of a stern-looking man with grey hair, a beard and a moustache wearing a straw hat with a Sheriff's badge attached to the front. Priss recognised him as LaFours, once the most feared mall security guard in the business.

The slogan on the billboard said "Re-elect Sheriff LaFours: Do The Crime and you WILL do the time!".

"It's his re-election parade today." the second officer said. "So you bet he won't be thrilled at someone breaking the law in HIS town today.".

"And why exactly should I be scared of him?" Priss asked as she put her hands on her hips.

"Because when he was just a rent-a-cop, ALL his collars were successfully convicted." The first officer said. "He had two kills to his name as well. Now that he's a proper cop, you can bet he still takes no shit from anyone.".

"So we think you should just take the detour." the second officer said.

"Now wait just a minute..." Priss began.

"Look, lady, you wanna get busted? Huh?" the first cop said as he held up a pair of handcuffs to prove he wasn't kidding.

Priss huffed to herself and turned the Streetfighter around.

The two cops smiled in satisfaction and got back in their squad car.

When Priss had got far enough down the road, she turned her bike back around and revved up the engine. She quickly got on the radio to Race Central.

"Hi, Priss. What's up?" Misty asked.

"I'm about to run a little protest about a stupid law in Virginia. Can you provide some appropriate music?" Priss asked with a smile on her face.

"Certainly, Priss. Pink is gonna start it right now!" said Veronica as Pink took the stage.

"Give 'em hell, Priss!" said Pink as she started the song.

Priss took off and roared along a small dirt road which bypassed the speed trap and entered the town as the two police officers were caught off guard by her surprise entrance.

**I wear a disguise.**  
**I'm just your average Jane.**  
**The super doesn't stand for model.**  
**But that doesn't mean I'm plain.**  
**If all you see is how I look,**  
**You miss the super chick within.**  
**And I christen you Titanic.**  
**underestimate and swim.**

As the cop car went after Priss, she took a hard left past a stalled pick-up truck and passed it. She then blew through the frame of a barn that was under construction as the cops tried to catch up.

**I've got the rifle, gonna be myself.**  
**I've got the rifle, gonna be myself.**  
**I've got the rifle, gonna be myself.**  
**I've got the rifle, gonna be myself.**

As the cop car got a bit closer, Priss roared down to the bank of a small lake in the middle of the town. There was a mound of dirt from where some new sewage pipes were being laid. Priss hit the mound at high speed and used it as a makeshift ramp to successfully jump the lake, leaving the squad car to take the long way round.

**And I'll be everything that I wanna be.**  
**I am confidence in insecurity.**  
**I am a voice yet waiting to be heard.**  
**I'll shoot the shot, bang, that you hear round the world.**

**And I'm a one girl revolution.**  
**I'm a one girl revolution.**  
**I'm a one girl revolution.**

Priss rode towards the centre of the town where the parade was going on. A few more cop cars had joined the chase as Priss took care to avoid hitting anyone.

**Some people see the revolution but most only see the girl.**  
**I can lose my hard earned freedom if my fear defines my world.**  
**I declare my independence from the critics and their stones.**  
**I can find my revolution I can learn to stand alone...**

As Priss outmanouevered some traffic and some more cop cars, a flatbed truck suddenly pulled out. Nearby, she had spotted some planks of wood set out for construction, including one that was like a ramp.

She quickly rode up it and jumped the flatbed with no problems.

**And I'll be everything that I want to be.**  
**I am confidence in insecurity.**  
**I am a voice yet waiting to be heard.**  
**I'll shoot the shot, bang, that you hear round the world...**

**And I'm a one girl revolution.**  
**I'm a one girl revolution.**  
**I'm a one girl revolution.**

At his podium in front of the Town Hall, LaFours had heard the reports of what was going on, and was enraged at Priss' defiance of his law on his special day. He saw Priss ride past Town Hall and turn a hard right, avoiding some more of his officers.

"That must be one of those Cannonballers." a nearby local remarked.

LaFours narrowed his eyes and let out a little growl. He then silently left the podium, put his hat on and headed for the Sheriff's office, taking out his car keys as he did.

**(And I'm a one girl revolution.**  
**I'm a one girl revolution.**  
**And I'm a one girl revolution)**

As Priss mounted the pavement after making another sharp turn, she crashed through a hot dog stand and wrecked it. As the vendor shook his fist angrily at her, she kept going and rode the Streetfighter up a fire escape at the side of a large garage. As she leaped the bike from the first storey catwalk, she landed on a truck's box trailer.

She smirked to herself and jumped the Streetfighter across the gap and onto a second box trailer.

"Come and get me, losers!" She yelled to the pursuing cops as she jumped the Streetfighter back to street level.

**And I'll be everything that I wanna be.**  
**I am confidence in insecurity.**  
**I am a voice yet waiting to be heard.**  
**I'll shoot the shot, bang, that you hear round the world.**

As Priss neared the road out of town, two squad cars tried to block her exit. She clenched her teeth and successfully cleared the narrow gap between the two cars and rode up onto the pavement and, as a final insult, popped a wheelie and rode the length of the pavement.

As the pavement curved upwards at the end, she jumped another flatbed truck which was entering the town and cleared it.

She turned around, blew a kiss at the angry cops and rode off at high speed.

**Everything that I want to be.**  
**I am confidence in insecurity.**  
**I am a voice yet waiting to be heard.**  
**I'll shoot the shot, bang, that you hear round the world.**

**And I'm a one girl revolution.**  
**I'm a one girl revolution.**

'One Girl Revolution' by Superchick.

The cops angily glared after Priss.

"Can't we go after her?" one cop asked.

"At THAT speed she'll be across the county line in twenty minutes. We couldn't catch her by then." his partner replied.

Suddenly, a horn honked and a green Dodge Super Bee with a police siren attached to the roof roared past them. Inside was LaFours. The Dodge was his own car, called the Opus. It had been of great service to him in nailing speeders and he now intended to use it to catch Priss.

"Sheriff! You're heading out of your jurisdiction! The state police will kill you!" one cop yelled after him.

LaFours, as ever, remained silent and kept his eyes on the road ahead of him, and on his high speed prey.

As Priss drove towards the county line, she got back on the radio.

"Thanks for the song, Pink. Though did you have to use one from 'Legally Blonde'?" she asked mischeviously.

"It's a great female power song." Pink said. "And anyway, how did YOU know it was in 'Legally Blonde'?" Pink then added, raising an eyebrow.

A little sweat drop appeared pn Priss' face.

"I lost a bet with Nene and she made me watch it." Priss said sheepishly.

"Yeah, right." Pink said mischeviously.

Priss sped off towards the county line, not knowing that LaFours was now on her trail, and the trail of any other Cannonballers he could catch.

* * *

Outside the city of Columbus, Ohio, local police sergeants Carey Mahoney and Larvelle Jones sat in their squad car, drinking coffee.

Jones mimicked the sound of a Jimi Hendrix guitar solo as Mahoney yawned.

"Unbelieveable." said Mahoney. "Even with Captain Harris retired, this job still has off days."

Jones stopped making his noise and said "Hey, relax. I'm sure someone will turn up speeding, especially during the Cannonball.".

"Why Brock couldn't have asked us to be security this year I don't know." said Mahoney.

Suddenly, both heard the sound of a car engine approaching at high speed.

"At last, some action!" said Mahoney as he put the keys in the ignition of the squad car.

The Kowalski raced by them, with Marge driving like a madwoman.

Jones and Mahoney tossed their coffee cups out of their open windows and sped off after the Simpsons.

Jones turned on the car's roof lights. But, to their surprise, the Kowalski started to slow down and pull off to the side of the road.

"Now, THIS is weird." said Mahoney.

Jones started to sing the theme to 'The Twilight Zone'.

The squad car pulled in behind the Kowalski as it came to a halt.

Mahoney stopped the cruiser and he and Jones got out and approached.

"Well, if it isn't the first family of Cannonball winners." said Mahoney as he smiled at the Simpsons.

"Hi, Officer Mahoney." said Marge.

"You guys lookin' to pull off the big win again?" asked Jones. "Just that most of the Academy placed bets on you.".

"Oh, thanks. That makes me feel much easier." said Homer sarcastically.

"Homer, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit." said Marge.

"That was said by some schmuck who couldn't think up a witty comeback." said Bart.

"Okay, since you guys are friends of ours, I guess we can afford to let this little infraction slide." said Mahoney, indicating their lonely environs. "Not like there were any witnesses.".

"But why did you pull over so soon, Mrs. S?" asked Jones.

"How long were you guys waiting there to pull someone over?" Marge asked.

A bit confused, Mahoney and Jones looked at their watches.

"About two and a half hours at least." Jones said.

"Well, I got here as fast as I could." Marge said apologetically.

"Huh?" asked Mahoney.

"I feel really sorry for speedtrap cops who are stuck for hours, bored out of their minds." Marge said. "So I did that out of kindness."

Mahoney smirked and Jones made a musical 'wah, wah, wah' sound.

"I can see now why your show is the longest running of its kind." said Mahoney.

"Okay, on your way. And good luck in the Cannonball." said Jones.

"Okay." said Marge as she sped off.

* * *

Somewhere else in Columbus, the Reckless had broken down in a tough neighbourhood. Kelso had accidentally driven over a broken bottle that someone had left in the street when he tried to park.

Fez, Hyde, and Eric all glared at him.

"I swear, I didn't see it there!" Kelso protested. "You think I WANT to put us out of the race?".

"Never mind that now. I'll take care of this." said Eric as he activated the monitor screen on their windshield and searched through the Columbus phone book's website.

"Cool!" said Hyde. "This is some real 'Star Trek' stuff!".

"I thought it was more 'Star Wars'." commented Kelso.

"Well, one of the two." Fez said. "If only my country could develop this kind of thing.".

"What did Lola and Shavers say this thing was called?" asked Kelso.

"The Internet, I think." replied Eric. "Must be new.".

"It'll never catch on." said Kelso. "Next, they'll say that cassette tapes will become obsolete.".

"Ah! Found it!" said Forman as he found details of a nearby mechanic. He picked up the phone on the dashboard and dialled the number.

"Hello?" he asked. "Is this Hickman & Davison's Garage?" he asked. "Good. Listen, do you make out of office calls?" he asked. "Our car has had a flat in Bailey Avenue and we need a replacement right away." he said. "You do? That's great." he said. "It's a Dodge Charger Super Bee and we're outside this local bar."

The other members of the team looked across and saw the bar.

"Hey, maybe we can have a drink while we're waiting." said Kelso.

"Yeah, we could use a little R&R." Hyde said.

"Shhh, a minute guys." said Eric as he continued to listen on the phone. "We can go in there and wait for you there if that's okay." he said. "It is? That's great." he said. "It's the..."

He looked out at the bar name and looked a bit confused.

"...Blue Oyster Bar." he finished. "Okay. That's fine. See ya.".

* * *

Team Chaos had made a stop in Barberton, Ohio. Brodie wanted to show his cousin Scott, a local football captain, the Chaos mask and congratulate the Barberton Magics on winning the infamous Barberton Bell Game against the Cuyahoga Falls Black Tigers. This was an amazing and rare feat for Barberton, as they rarely won a football game, let alone the Bell Game. The team celebrated their victory at the Barberton Chicken restaurant that won Food Network's Food Feuds, Belgrades.

"Good job, Scott!" Brodie said. "I knew you could do it!"

"Thanks!" Scott said. "We might make it to the state finals this year!"

"Good luck with that, because the season just started."

Elsewhere Team Red Ranger was just finishing their meals. Mack paid the team's bill at the cash register.

"Thank you and good night, gentlemen." said the hostess.

"Goodnight!" Nick said.

As they walked to the Red Fury, the three Pollution Ministers appeared.

"(This is as far as you go... American Super Squadron!)" Yogostein said.

"Who are you and what language are you talking in?" Nick asked.

Mack knew what they were saying. "That was Japanese and I think they called us American Super Squadron. In other words these guys have met our Japanese counterparts!"

"(Not your respective counterparts but the counterpart to your previous RPM counterparts.)" Yogostein explained. "(The dried cracked ground... I am Land Pollution Minister Yogostein!)"

"(The muddied and fetid waters... I am Water Pollution Minister Kegalesia!)" Kegalesia said.

"(The darkended skies... I am Air Pollution Minister Kitaneidas!)" Kitaneidas said.

"It's morphin' time guys!" Mack shouted. He pulled out his Overdrive morpher from its case on his belt. Then he ran the compass on the bottom along his arm. "Overdrive! Accelerate!"

Casey put on a pair of red framed sunglasses before doing a special kata. "Jungle beast! Spirit unleashed!"

Nick pulled out a cell phone morpher and entered 1-2-3 on the numeric keypad. "Magical Source! Mystic Force!"

"GALWIT MYSTO RANGER!" came a onimous voice, as Nick morphed into the Red Mystice Ranger. Casey morphed into the Red Jungle Fury Ranger as Mack morphed into the Red Overdrive Ranger.

"Tiger Spirit!" Casey cried out, as a red spectral tiger came out of his two hands. The tiger spirit attacked Yogostein and started mauling him to pieces.

"(Oh Buddha! This hurts! Someone save me! Buddha help me!)" Yogostein shouted as metal pieces and motor oil went flying everywhere. Captain Chaos rushed out and attacked a screaming Kitaneidas and Kegalesia.

"Don't worry Power Rangers!" Chaos said. "I shall aid you in beating these vile villains and chasing them away!"

"Get them Captain Chaos!" Nick said. Mack and Nick joined in and attacked Kegalesia and Kitaneidas respectively. Within a few secons, the Pollution Ministers were defeated.

"Now THAT is an ass whooping!" Silent Bob said.

As the sound of police sirens was heard, the Pollution Ministers got up and got ready to make their escape.

"(You haven't heard the last of us, Cannonballers!)" Yogostein yelled.

* * *

Eric and his friends walked into the Blue Oyster Bar.

"Yeah, this looks like a decent place to hang out until the mechanic arrives." said Hyde.

"Let's hope he gets here soon." said Eric. "We're in danger of losing positions."

"I'm hitting the dance floor." said Kelso.

Eric, Hyde, and Fez all sat at the bar. A news story played on the television.

"An escaped mental patient took to the sidewalks of Las Cruces, New Mexico yesterday." said the reporter. "Fortunately, his car was disabled by unknown persons before he could inflict any serious injury. Police are still looking into..."

Another patron walked over to Eric. "Better be careful." he said. "I once saw a guy meet with someone in a bar and shoot him with a laser gun."

"'Star Wars'." said Eric. "Are you planning to see the updated versions?"

"Is Soylent Green people?" asked the patron. "Heck, yeah."

"You know, I could pick up any girl in this joint." said Fez.

"Oh yeah?" asked Hyde. "How you gonna do that?"

"I'll just turn on the charm and push the accent for all it's worth." said Fez. "It works all the time back in Wisconsin."

"Okay, let's see it." said Hyde.

"As soon as a girl comes in." said Fez.

They looked around.

"Not too many girls around, are there?" said Fez.

"No, it couldn't be." said Hyde.

"And if you rewatch the scene with the stormtroopers marching into the room," said Eric "you can actually see one of them hit his head on the overhead door."

"Look, I'm obviously not getting anywhere hinting at it." said the patron "So, I guess I'll have to be direct. Will you sleep with me?"

"What? No!" said Eric. "I have a girlfriend!"

"Then why did you spend all this time talking with me?" asked the patron.

"I just really like talking about 'Star Wars'." said Eric.

"Unbelievable." said the patron. He got up and walked away.

"We'll always have 'Star Wars'." said Eric.

"Star Trek's better!" yelled the patron as he left.

"Man, what's his problem?" asked Eric. "Why did he think this was the place to pick up a gay lover?"

"Forman, you can't honestly be that dense." said Hyde. "Take a look around. Tell me what you see."

"Okay, but I..." said Eric. He looked around the room.

He saw two men dancing seductively. He saw a man coming onto the patron he talked to before. He saw one man inspecting the head of another man.

"Oh my God!" yelled Eric. "This is a gay bar!"

"Not so loud." muttered Fez.

A mechanic walked into the bar. "Excuse me, I'm here for the Charger." he announced.

"That's us." said Eric. He, Hyde, and Fez ran for the door.

"Wait, where's Kelso?" asked Fez.

Kelso was on the dance floor with a pair of bikers. "I didn't know bikers liked disco!" he said.

Hyde ran over to him, grabbed him by the ear, and dragged him out the door.

* * *

The Wisdom entered Barberton, Ohio.

"I'm checking Wikipedia, but all I'm getting is Lake Anna, Virginia." said Bella.

"It turns out there's also a Lake Anna in Barberton as well." said Mortimer. "It's right in the center of town."

"We're almost there." said Bob.

They pulled into a parking lot near Lake Anna...in Barberton, not Virginia. They climbed out.

"See the clue?" asked Mortimer.

"I don't think we can miss it." said Bob as he looked into the lake and saw a sign reading "Welcome, Cannonballers" on a rowboat.

"I see the clue on the boat." said Mortimer.

"How do we get out there?" asked Bella.

"I guess we swim." said Bob. He walked over to the lake and dove in.

"I see Bob went to La Fiesta Tech." said Mortimer. "They have a wonderful swimming team."

"I hope he kept up practice." said Bella.

"Why is that?" asked Mortimer.

"Because here comes our competition." said Bella.

The other entrants in the puzzlehunt raced into the parking lot, parked, and exited their vehicles.

Joe tumbled out of the Asp and landed on his hands and knees.

"Sorry about that, Joe." said Cole.

"Don't worry about it, Cole." said Joe. "Just try not to go so fast through West Virginia next time. You know how this thing is on mountain roads."

"There it is!" yelled the Drake.

"Let's get it!" yelled Charlie.

They ran to the shore of the lake where a park official waved at Bob and yelled. "Sir, there's no swimming allowed in this lake! People have RELIEVED themselves in that water! You could get an infection!"

"On that note, where are the boats?" asked Destro.

"Over there." said the official.

The racers ran over to the boats and started to get into them. Meanwhile, Bob had made it to the rowboat and grabbed a clue envelope. He gripped it between his teeth and swam back to shore.

"Some people." said Howard. "It's guys like him that make me glad I'm not a mammal."

Bob climbed back onto shore and took the clue out of his mouth. He handed it to Mortimer as the official came over and started to write him a citation.

"What does it say?" asked Bella.

"It says we have to find a place in New York City...that's not in America?" said Mortimer.

"How can something in New York City not be in America?" asked Bella. "New York City is in America."

"This might help." said Mortimer. "It says we have to find the reason vehicle-mounted weapons were banned two years ago."

"I'm sure we can manage that." said Bella.

"Bob, there's a towel in the van." said Mortimer. "We have to go to New York City."

Bob took his citation and said "Coming."

* * *

On a highway leading to Phildelphia in Pennsylvania, the Squalo was being chased by the Starbreaker and the Aggressor, with the assistance of some local law enforcement.

"You're cutting this very close, Agent Banner." said one high-ranking state officer over the radio. "In another six miles, they'll be out of our jurisdiction.".

"Well, we're gonna stay in pursuit until we catch 'em!" yelled Banner. "Punch it, Bender!".

"I'm punching it!" replied Bender as he kept his foot to the floor.

Over the radio, Junior said "It's incredible that a 'Cuda can stay ahead of an exotic and a tuner.".

"Probably got God-knows-what under the hood." said Roscoe.

Jack drove for all he was worth. "If only we had the same equipment in this car like we had on that jet in India.".

"Wouldn't that be a bit excessive?" asked Joan. "Don't worry. All we have to do is reach the county line and then we lose the local yokels.".

"Yeah, but the fed and his unit will keep after us." said Ralph.

"As you can see yourself, Ralph, with this car, I leave my tyre marks all over their teeth!" said Jack as he activated a quick boost of NOS and shot ahead.

Banner saw the Squalo accelerate, but laughed. He picked up the radio and spoke into it. "Willenholly, Amos, you guys ready at the county line?"

"Roger and wilco, chief." said Willenholly over the radio.

Up at the county line, the Nightcrawler was parked with some more local police cars and had completely blocked the road leading out of the jurisdiction.

The Cannonball task force officers and the local cops all raised shotguns as they heard the roar of the engines approaching.

In the Squalo, Team Colton cheered as they sped along, getting nearer to losing most of their pusuers.

"I love this race!" said Jack. "Whoever said I'm too old to do this stuff again?"

"Hey, is there a place in Philly we can stop for lunch?" asked Ralph.

"Lunch? You gotta be kidding! Lunch is for wimps!" replied Joan.

Jack gave her an odd look. Jack turned back to look at the road and quickly slammed on the brakes when he saw the roadblock.

Willenholly and Amos smiled as the Squalo came to a halt about thirty feet from the roadblock.

"Got 'em, Agent Banner." said Amos into his radio.

"Roger. We've got the back door." said Bender and the other task force agents and local officers came into view and blocked the Squalo's exit.

Ralph took off his hat and hit it against the seat in frustration.

"Darn! Heck! H-E-double L!" he said "And believe me, I'm struggling hard not to use more colourful metaphors!"

"Don't worry! I think I have an idea!" said Joan.

"A real Angelina and Jesse idea?" asked Jack.

"Not quite." said Joan. "But I'd say it's adequate.".

She leaned over and detailed her plan to Jack.

The cops watched the car, waiting to see what would happen next. A couple of them chambered their shotguns for effect.

"We have them trapped, guys." said Banner. "Just give 'em a few seconds and they'll acknowledge that fact.".

"Sir, what about that possible escape route overland?" asked Junior as he saw that there was indeed a lay-by near the rear roadblock that would allow the Squalo to slip past them.

"They'd have to be crazy to try that." said Banner. "Besides, we've got the guns and they don't.".

"Okay! I'm going for it!" said Jack as he got back on the accelerator and peeled out. Just a few seconds before he hit the front roadblock, he performed a bootlegger and rushed towards the rear block.

"He's trying it, sir!" said Junior.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious!" snapped Bender as he took out his revolver and leaned out the Starbreaker's window.

As the Squalo sped towards the lay-by to slip past the block, Bender fired a couple of shots. Both hit the hood of the Squalo but the engine wasn't damaged.

"Adios, losers!" yelled Ralph as the Squalo slipped into the lay-by and breezed past the roadblock.

"Get after them, everybody! GO! GO!" yelled Banner as the task force members and cops headed back to their cars.

The group in Banner's block turned their cars around to chase after the Squalo as it headed back the way it came from and the officers in Willenholly's block followed them.

"I don't know what he's trying!" said Bender. "This is the only road around here. There are no short cuts that I know of!".

"That's why I'm going to be glad when we nail these morons!" said Banner. "We can add a juicy charge of resisting arrest to the rap sheet!"

As the police vehicles sped along the route, they passed a large black diesel truck which was heading the other way.

Had they paid the vehicle more mind, they would have noticed that on the truck's right side, hidden from the cops' view by the cab and trailer, was the Squalo, now heading back for the county line.

"Thanks a lot, cowboy!" said Jack to the truck driver by way of the CB. "We owe you a big one."

"Hey, I'd bo anything for my favorite author. I see you saw that that's why I honked my horn at ya before those smokies showed up." said the trucker as he winked at Joan.

"Thanks." said Joan as she smiled. "But don't forget, I'm happily married."

"Hell, ma'am. Meeting your own real life match made your books even better!" the trucker said. He then looked at Jack and said "County line's coming up, Mr. Cannonballer. So you just keep your tyres off the grass and the bears off your ass, and I hope to see you in the winner's circle.".

"10-4, good buddy!" said Jack as he sped on, passing the truck.

* * *

In Philadelphia, several Cannonballers made their way through the city. Mason and Spike powered down a street, with no police bothering them.

Up ahead of them on the road was Japanese college student and sometime model Mao Shirase, driving a rented Volkswagen Scirocco.

She was very content that she had been able to make it to the US to cheer on the Cannonballers.

"I bet Mirai is as jealous as hell that I get to cheer the racers on before her." she smirked, referring to former Cannonballer Mirai Ozora, a friend/rival of hers. "Then again, if she could only control her urge to overspend, she could afford to travel."

The Road Lord came up alongside her. She noticed Mason and smiled.

"That's one of the racers. And he is SOOO handsome!" she said.

Mason glanced over and saw Mao looking at him. She waved and made a 'kiss' with her mouth.

Mason responded by giving her the finger.

Outraged, Mao took one hand off the Scirocco's steering wheel and prepared to return the gesture, but lost control of the car and swerved off onto the pavement and crashed through the front window of a tyre store. The store's staff came to see if she was okay as the car came to a stop.

"Can I help you, ma'am." asked one staff member naively.

Mao glared at him and gave him the finger.

Back on the road, Spike looked back at the chaos that had been caused.

"Was that really necessary?" he asked. "She was just trying to be friendly."

"As Short Round said, 'Hey, Dr. Jones, no time for love'." replied Mason. "We've got a race to concentrate on. Besides, I'd like to think I can do better than some deluded fangirl.".

"You really need to meet Ms. Right someday." said Spike. "I could help you with that if you like.".

"Thanks, buddy. But for now, just keep watch on the systems." said Mason.

* * *

On the road between Westfield and Union in New Jersey, the Starlight sped along. Despite having been shaken up by the encounter with Charger earlier on, Corvax kept a cool head as he had finished watching the DVD that Meteor Man had given him.

"Interesting techniques on that DVD." he said. "But I think I've got them all down now. The next time some moron tries something, I'll show them."

Beavis and Butthead looked out the back window as they had sensed that they were being followed. Sure enough, behind them, the Carbon X drove up and prepared to attack them.

"Uh, you just got your wish, Corvax." said Butthead as he saw Turbo and Buttons pull their guns out.

"Come on, cream these fartknockers!" Beavis yelled.

Corvax had a look out his window and saw that they were driving on a road on top of a steep incline.

An idea occured to him.

"Okay, fellas. Hold tight!" he yelled as he quickly turned and started to drive straight down the incline.

"What the..?" Buttons asked.

"Put your seatbelt on! I'm goin' after him!" Turbo said as he followed the Starlight down the long, grassy incline.

Despite the steepness of the hillside and its long length, Corvax handled the ride down very smoothly and kept calm the whole time.

Behind them, the Carbon X also drove down the hillside fast but Turbo had difficulty keeping the car under control.

"Easy! Easy!" shouted Buttons.

"Aw, shut up! I can handle it!" said Turbo as the Carbon X nearly flipped over at one point.

"Are they still after us?" asked Corvax as he kept his eyes ahead of himself.

"I think we're gonna lose 'em any minute now." Butthead smirked.

Sure enough, in his rush to catch up with the Starlight, Turbo drove off the end of a small ledge jutting out on the hillside and landed the Carbon X on its nose. This finally caused the car to flip over and start rolling down what was left of the hillside.

The Starlight had reached the bottom safely and Corvax honked the horn and drove off.

"YEAH, THAT RULED!" Beavis yelled as he made some heavy metal guitar noises.

"Adios, ass goblins!" Butthead said as he gave the finger out of the Starlight's back window.

The crumpled remains of the Carbon X finally came to a halt at the bottom of the hillside and the doors were kicked open as a battered Turbo and Buttons climbed out.

"You idiot!" snapped Buttons at Turbo. "You just couldn't leave it, could you? You know, sooner or later, there's gonna come a wheelman better than you and I hope he leaves treadmarks on your face!".

"Eat it, Buttons!" snapped Turbo. "We'll just get another car, just as good.".

"Just as good?" Buttons said. "It better be a lot better if we're gonna stop this race! Now, let Big Boss know about this! He's used to us failing so hopefully he won't be too pissed off."

"I doubt it." Turbo grumbled.

* * *

Meanwhile, on a long stretch of road coming into Newark, the Jawbreaker chased the Avenger. Frank was keeping ahead of Bullock and Montoya, but only by the skin of his teeth.

"This is it! We're gonna take this guy down!" Bullock yelled as he pushed the Jawbreaker even further.

"Harvey, I think you need to slow down!" Montoya said in worry as she heard a weird noise from the engine.

"Ain't no way!" Bullock replied. "I don't care if we fry the engine! We're gonna get Castle's vigilante ass and lock him up for a hundred years!".

As Frank got a fraction of a lead on the Jawbreaker, he quickly maneuvered around a road construction sign and a bunch of hazard cones at one side of the road. As the Jawbreaker approached them, Harvey suddenly lost control of the Jawbreaker and it started to spin out.

Tne black GT crashed into the sign and came to a complete halt as Frank sped off.

"SHIT!" Harvey yelled.

"I told you you should have slowed down!" Montoya said.

Harvey then looked a bit spooked. "It was the Jawbreaker! It rebelled on me!".

"What?" Montoya said, confused.

"I was handling it fine until I said I didn't care if we fried the engine." Harvey continued. "When I said that, the car got angry and turned against me! Just like the car in that Stephen King book or that Japanese street racer cartoon!".

"Harvey, do you have any idea how ridiculous that sounds?" Montoya said. "Cars aren't living things.".

They heard a horn honk and saw Herbie speed past them, doing one of his famous back-wheel wheelies as Mickey sat with his feet up on the dashboard and his hands behind his head.

"You were saying?" Harvey asked.

* * *

In Newark itself, Bullseye flew the Air Raid chopper just looking over some details he had been sent by Bulletproof.

"So this is the plate of the car that attacked Tanner a while back?" he asked Bulletproof over the radio.

"That's affirmative, Bullseye." replied Bulletproof. "It's a red Eldorado. Keep your eyes peeled for it as we believe that Yuri may be one of the passengers.".

"Roger that, Bulletproof." Bullseye said as he signed off.

He took a look out the window of his cockpit and spotted the Shogun driving through the streets of Newark.

"Hmmm. I wonder." he thought to himself.

He engaged Whisper Mode on the Air Raid which made it hard to hear the chopper's sounds and flew down a bit, making sure to keep his distance as his scanner ran the plates on the Shogun.

"Bah! This is ridiculous!" snapped Yuri as he turned off their communicator. "Big Boss tells me that most of our troops have had their rear-ends handed to them by the Cannonballers.".

"Well, on the other hand, it proves the Cannonballers are tough cookies and that they'd be good to have in your army." Mr. Chairman commented.

Yuri nodded thoughtfully. "I guess there is that." He suddenly frowned.

"What is it?" asked Mr. Chairman.

"I'm sensing someone very excited nearby." Yuri replied.

The excited person was Bullseye. The Air Raid's computer confirmed that the Shogun was the same vehicle that had attacked Tanner's and Kang's teams and Bullseye engaged its siren and started to swoop down on it.

"You in that Eldorado! You're under arrest! Stop immediately!" Bullseye yelled over the loudspeaker. "You have nowhere to run!".

"Damn it all!" yelled Yuri.

"Hold on! I know this city very well!" said Mr. Chairman as he turned off the street and drove down an alleyway.

Bullseye kept the Air Raid on their tail as Mr. Chairman weaved the Shogun around the alleyways of the city.

Eventually, the Shogun came to a stop inside a warehouse alongside a railroad track near the edge of town.

Bullseye hovered the chopper over the warehouse.

"What are they up to?" Bullseye queried to himself.

Inside the warehouse, Yuri and Mr. Chairman headed towards a cargo entrance overlooking the railroad.

"Now what?" Yuri asked as Mr. Chairman checked his watch.

"Just about...NOW!" Mr. Chairman said.

Sure enough, a cargo train came around the corner and passed by the warehouse.

"JUMP!" Mr. Chairman yelled.

He and Yuri both jumped off the ledge and into an open box car on the train.

As soon as they were sure they were safe, they dusted themselves off.

"Fancy seeing you here." a female voice said.

They looked around and saw Stingray, looking a bit worse for wear, was in the box car too.

"Stingray? How did you get here?" asked Yuri.

"I've been hopping on and off trucks and trains for most of the day, trying to get somewhere I can get a decent car." she grumbled. "I take it you had trouble as well."

"Yeah, but hopefully just temporary." said Mr. Chairman. "This train goes to New York. Hopefully, some of the others can take out the Cannonballers before they reach it.".

"I heard that AMX and Camaro were near there." said Yuri. "I hope those morons can pull it off.".

In the Air Raid, Bullseye reported what had happened to Bulletproof.

"Don't worry, Bullseye. I'm sure we'll get 'em soon enough." Bulletproof said. "I haven't heard from Highway in a while. I guess things are going smooth on his end.".

"We can but hope." Bullseye replied.

* * *

Highway drove his turbocycle down the road towards New York. Up ahead in the road, he noticed Camaro, AMX and a couple of Wasp droids standing near a pair of pick-up trucks, which they had put there to block the road.

"Hello, what's this about?" he said to himself as he slowed down.

Camaro and AMX both held AK47s and had their helmets on.

"We've been here nearly an hour." AMX said. "Can't we take a break, Camaro?"

"Hey, Mastermind's already pissed with us for failing to take out the racers earlier." said Camaro. "We've got to take care of them when they come this way."

"Heads up." Said AMX as he saw Highway approach. He and Camaro quickly hid their guns.

"Excuse me gentlemen." said Highway as he brought his cycle to a halt. "Is there a problem here?"

"Oh, no problem officer." said AMX. "We're just waiting on some Cannonballers."

"You dumb shit!" yelled Camaro. "Why'd you tell him that?"

"Hey, he's a cop. He'll probably be glad some law abiding citizens want to help him out with stopping the race." replied AMX.

Highway looked concerned but kept up his facade. "Oh, yes I am pleased but I hope you don't intend to use lethal force."

AMX started laughing uncontrollably. Camaro rolled his eyes, but Highway couldn't see that through the visor of Camaro's helmet.

"You needn't concern yourself, Officer." he said. "Everything will be okay."

"Right. I'll see you around." said Highway as he turned his cycle around and headed back the way he had come from.

As he went, he thought to himself. "The Cannonballers need to be warned about this! I hope I can find some of them. These guys we were warned about are vicious bastards."

He put his foot down and said "Come on, baby, don't let me down."

It wasn't long before he found Lara's team in the Vulcano. He turned on his lights and siren to pull them over.

"Crap, now what?" asked Lara as she pulled over.

Lara and her team got out of the Vulcano and Highway got off his cycle.

"Well, girls. Showtime." said Joanna.

Highway approached the girls as they unzipped their jumpsuits.

"Hello, officer." said Nina. "What seems to be the trouble?"

"Umm..." said Highway as he got a look at her cleavage. "Do you have any idea how fast you were going?"

"Not really." said Anna. "I'm sure I've got my license in here somewhere."

"Oh, that's okay." said Highway. "Take your time, honey."

"What was that?" asked Lara.

"Uh, nothing." said Highway.

"Well, I know I was going fast." said Lara "I guess I wasn't paying attention to my speed."

"I guess I really can't cite you or anything then." said Highway.

"Why, thank you, officer." said Joanna. "Be sure to stay in touch with us."

"Oh, that's okay." said Highway. "I'll catch you next time you come around this block...block?" He suddenly remembered why he pulled them over in the first place. "Girls, there's a roadblock up ahead!" he said.

"What?" asked Nina.

"Those guys with the tricked-out muscle cars we got the anonymous tip about set up a roadblock up ahead." said Highway. "They're standing guard and are probably armed to the teeth."

"So, you're a protector?" said Nina. "What a waste of a good routine."

The girls zipped up their jumpsuits. Highway let out a little groan of disappointment as they did.

"What do we do about those guys?" asked Anna.

"I don't know." said Highway as the Black Knight pulled up. "Maybe these guys will know."

The Black Knight stopped and Max and Jake climbed out. "What's going on?" asked Max.

"Those guys with the tricked-out muscle cars have set up a roadblock up ahead." said Lara.

"Let us go first." said Jake. "We'll take care of it."

Down the road, Camaro and AMX continued to watch the road. "I'm telling you that snail crossed the road in the time we've been out here." said Camaro.

"Wait, do you hear something?" asked AMX.

The Black Knight's engine was heard. AMX and Camaro raised their guns.

The Black Knight raced over the rise with the Vulcano right behind it.

"Aw, shit! It's that asshole again!" yelled Camaro.

"Let him have it anyway!" said AMX.

The WASPs, Camaro and AMX opened fire on the Black Knight.

The bullets just harmlessly deflected off of the Black Knight as it raced towards them. At the last second, Camaro and AMX jumped out of the way just before the Black Knight tore right through the pick-ups and the WASPs standing near them, reducing them to flaming wrecks.

Camaro and AMX looked on helplessly as the Vulcano and the Turbo Cycle raced through the roadblock after the Black Knight.

"GODDAMN IT!" yelled Camaro.

"Thank God we didn't use our field vehicles." Said AMX. "I'll call the others and try and work something out."

* * *

In a house somewhere in the San Fernando Valley, a blonde-haired woman flicked through channels on her TV when she came across the latest news feed from Cannonball Race Central.

"The Cannonballers are now going through New York City. And we have a special team of reporters live on the scene with some people who have turned out to show their appreciation." Veronica announced.

"So, here, live from the Big Apple are Jay Leno, Tyra Banks and Christian Amanpour." said Ron as the feed switched to show the scene in New York.

Jay, Tyra, and Christian addressed the camera in the middle of a huge turnout of street racers from New York. The area was packed with cars and motorcycles.

"Thank you very much, guys. The scene is wild here in New York." Jay announced. "As you can see, just about every NYC street racer has turned out to cheer on their heroes. And just about every vehicle type used in a race is represented here.".

"You got that right, Jay." said Tyra as she pointed to show a group of tuner cars and American muscle cars parked nearby. "Right over there, we have the Unbeatable Street Racers club, right next to the American Royalty club. Despite the normal rivalry between muscle cars and imports, these guys are now united in their support of the Worldwide Cannonball. Something you certainly don't see every day.".

"And that's by no means all." said Christian as she pointed out the motorcycle racers. "Over there we have the sports bike club, the Original Riders, rubbing shoulders with the Harley riding hellraisers known as the Choppers of America club. And beyond that, the SUV-driving Big Playaz hanging out with the BMW and Chrysler favouring Luxury Rollers club. And to cap it all off, there's the Exotic car club By Invitation Only. I bet no car fanatic ever in their wildest dreams imagined all these clubs would meet up without tensions."

"They're all united by their support for the Cannonball. Shows you how an event like this can really bring people together." said Jay.

The woman, named Virginia Fairchild, snorted disapprovingly. She knew that not all racing was bad, but was really annoyed when illegality was promoted as if it were glamourous. That was just the problem she had with a certain parolee she had to keep her eyes on. She'd been wondering why she hadn't heard from him recently.

On screen, the reporters heard a horn and saw the Rumor coming though the middle of the meeting.

"Ah, looks like Team Furious are making their appearance." said Tyra. "You bet that all these talented racers admire a man like Dominic Toretto.".

As that announcement was made, Virginia looked shocked and sat bolt upright. Sure enough, the reporters and their camera came over to the Rumor as it passed and a shot of Dom in the drivers' seat was taken. When Dom saw the camera, he quickly turned away, but he had already been seen.

"Yeah, there you have it." said Christian. "L.A.'s reinstated king of the streets Dominic Toretto making his triumphant return. Let's hope he will claim first place in the Cannonball.".

Virginia angrily shut the TV off.

"Dom, you idiot!" she cursed to herself. She was Dom's parole officer, to whom he had tried to keep his involvement with the Cannonball a secret. But now, the truth was out.

"Okay then." she said to herself. "I don't like having to speed, but I guess I have to warm up the Orange Crush."

She exited and locked her house and entered her garage, where an orange 1968 Volkswagen Karmann Ghia sat.

"Okay, baby. Let's go catch us a parole violator. Hope you're up for a trip around the world." she said as she got into the Orange Crush and started it up.

* * *

Ethan drove the Espion into Brooklyn.

"Who's this guy you're taking us to see?" asked Snake.

"He's an associate of Sam and Max." said Ethan. "You know, those freelance police who entered the race two years ago to retrieve that pink Cosworth."

"Oh yeah." said Snake. "How could I forget? I mean we're talking about a talking dog and a hyperactive rabbit."

"Here's the place." said Ethan as he pulled into an alley next to a store called "Bosco's Inconvenience".

Ethan and Snake walked in and found a heavyset African-American behind the counter.

"Hiya, Bosco." said Ethan. "Sam and Max send their regards."

"Welcome to the place." said Bosco. "I assume you are those two racers they ran against a couple of years ago."

"That's us." said Snake. "What's the deal going on here?"

"Sam and Max wanted to thank you guys for your assistance in their assignment during the race." said Bosco. "So, they set it up that I would offer you guys an exclusive performance upgrade for your car."

"Sounds good." said Ethan. "Whatcha got?"

"Oh, I have the coolest upgrade you'll ever get." said Bosco. "I would like to present to you the Bosco-Tech Electric Supercharger. It's a special forced-induction system that has an integral electric motor. That way, you can run the supercharger completely independent of the crankshaft."

"How much is this going to run?" asked Snake.

"Because you guys came recommended by Sam and Max," said Bosco, "I'm willing to part with the supercharger for a mere hundred thousand dollars."

"A hundred thousand?" yelled Ethan.

"Not a problem." said Snake. He got on his transceiver. "Snake here. We're ready to pick up the supercharger, but he's asking a hundred thousand for it. Okay. Thanks." Snake put away his transceiver. "Check your bank account." he said.

Bosco took out a small computer and checked it. "Oh yeah!" he said. "The hundred grand has safely made it's way to my account. So, where's your car?"

"In the alley." said Ethan.

"Let's go." said Bosco. "This won't take long."

* * *

At Union Square, Yuri, Mr. Chairman, and Stingray had sneakily gotten off the train they had been riding on since Newark.

"Right, it looks like we've avoided detection. Now all we have to do is find some new cars." Mr. Chairman said.

"Should be no problem." said Stingray. "This city does have street racers after all."

"Well then, let's go and find some." said Yuri.

* * *

The Aquila had managed to get a lead on the Battle as the Joes and Cobras battled for road supremacy in New York.

As they sped on, Zartan looked curiously over in the direction of Liberty Island while Cobra Commander drove, which surprised both Zartan and Storm Shadow.

"Commander, I'm curious. Did we or did we not try to attack the Statue of Liberty back in 1987?" Zartan asked.

"Why are you asking me? Do you realise exactly how many plots we've attempted over the years, Zartan? I've lost count!" the Commander replied.

"Just that the 'noks keep asking me, but I don't know for sure. They said that in that cartoon show based on our battle against the Joes we did once." said Zartan.

"PAH!" snorted the Commander. "I keep telling you that that wretched kids' show was a poor representation of Cobra! I was made to look like a complete coward! And I obviously was NOT turned into a snake! And furthermore..."

"WATCH IT!" yelled Storm Shadow.

There was suddenly a light bump and the Aquila spun out of control. There was a honk and the Battle overtook them and gained the lead. The Joe team had performed a PIT manouevere while the Commander and Zartan were disracted.

"YOU FOOL, ZARTAN!" yelled the Commander. "We could have beaten the Joes out of the city and YOU bore me to death with trivia about a damn cartoon!".

"I just wanted to know whether or not we attacked the Statue of Liberty!" Zartan protested. "If we haven't, maybe..."

"SHUT UP, ZARTAN!" yelled the Commander. "I'll have Croc Master feed you to his little pets if you don't shut up!".

Rock 'N Roll's face appeared on the comms screen.

"Having a bit of trouble, guys?" he asked mischeviously.

"Nice to know that you idiots can't beat us straight up!" the Commander grumbled.

"I never knew there were any rules. This IS an illegal race after all." Rock 'N Roll laughed.

The Commander snarled and turned the Aquila back on its' course after the Battle.

"COBRAAAAA!" he yelled as he put the hammer down.

* * *

Meanwhile, the Wisdom drove through the Holland Tunnel.

"Here we are in New York City." said Bob.

"Yes, the location for the last clue of the puzzle hunt." said Mortimer.

"Do you have any idea for what it could be?" asked Bella.

"None." said Mortimer. "What place could be in New York City, but not America?"

"Maybe it's one of the more ethnic neighborhoods." said Bella.

"I'm not so sure." said Mortimer. "The other part of the clue was the reason weapons were banned two years ago."

"That was because of Australia." said Bob. "They asked for the weapons ban due to a fierce battle that took place there."

"So, it's something to do with Australia." said Mortimer.

"That shoots down my theory." said Bella. "I don't know of a Little Australia or Australia Town in New York."

"Could be the embassy." said Bob.

"I don't know if that would go over well with the Australian government." said Mortimer.

"Maybe it's at an Outback Steakhouse." said Bob.

"Which one?" asked Bella. "There must be several in the city."

"Well, other than the embassy, what other representations of Australia are in New York City?" asked Mortimer.

"I don't know." said Bella. "As far as I know, the only other Australian icon in New York City is the flag in front of the United Nations."

"Wait." said Bob. "The United Nations?"

"Yes." said Bella.

"I think I remember something." said Bob. "I seem to recall that the property the United Nations building sits on doesn't belong to the United States, but is in fact neutral to all nations."

"Do you think that could be it?" asked Mortimer.

"It's worth a try." said Bella.

"Good thinking, Bob." said Mortimer.

"Yeah, let's see the other guys do that." said Bob.

In the Asp...

"The United Nations." said Joe as he used the computer.

In the Utopia...

"Aha, the United Nations." said Ron as he checked Wikipedia on his cell phone.

"Nice work." said the Drake.

"Don't rely on that thing so much." said Venom. "It's gonna get you into trouble one of these days."

* * *

Elsewhere in New York, the Clover had a bit of trouble with traffic. Luckily, Denis had a plan.

"Yeah, guys, I know it could cause trouble but you DID say you'd do me a favour." he said into a cell phone. "I'll give you five hundred grand if you can pull it off. You will? Okay, bye."

He hung up the phone and he and Dane waited a few minutes. They then heard the sound of a firetruck's siren and saw one pull out of a sidestreet with traffic moving out of the way to let it through.

Denis laughed to himself and followed close behind the firetruck and negotiating the infamous New York traffic with little problems.

"Shocking abuse of your influence with the New York Fire Department, Denis." Dane said mischeviously. "But it works, so I'll go with it.".

"Glad you approve." said Denis. "Pity we can't stop. I'd have loved to give Conan a visit.".

"Conan O'Brien?" asked Dane. "He's your cousin, isn't he?".

"That's a roger." said Denis.

"Well, maybe we could stop off at his place and get him to come with us." Dane suggested. "I know he's got a new show now, but I think he'd be a great guy to take on the Cannonball."

Denis snorted through his nose. "Yeah, right!" he said sarcastically.

"Why wouldn't he?" Dane protested.

"Dane, Conan's vehicle of choice is the Taurus SHO. Need I say more?" Denis replied.

* * *

In the alleyway, Ethan and Snake leaned against the wall while Bosco installed the supercharger in the Espion.

Ethan checked his watch. "I hope we can make up the ten minutes we just lost." he said.

"Oh, you'll make it up and more." said Bosco. "The operation is finished. Come check it out."

Ethan and Snake walked over and looked into the Espion's engine bay. A plastic red canister now sat off to the side.

"Doesn't look all that impressive." said Snake. "I hope it performs much better."

"Why does it say 'Dirt Devil' on it?" asked Ethan. "Wait a minute. Is that a vacuum cleaner?"

"But it works. Trust me, trust me." said Bosco. "Just push that button and you are long gone. Well, good luck, guys."

As Bosco walked away, Ethan said "I think we've been had."

He and Snake climbed back into the car and drove out of the alley.

Does this thing even work?" asked Snake.

"Might as well find out." said Ethan. He pushed the button and the Espion rocketed down the street. The inertia pushed the two back into their seats.

"Wow!" said Snake. "That's some kick!"

* * *

On the Lower East Side, a street race was just coming to its conclusion. Taking the lead was a red 2008 Tesla Roadster. In second place was a blue '89 Camaro and bringing up the rear was a red and white '57 Corvette. There was no huge audience for the race as it was just a brief race to see whose car was the best.

The Corvette and the Tesla pulled over to the side of the street while the Camaro pulled to a halt nearby.

The driver of the Tesla got out and whooped to himself.

"Yeah! That's what I'm talkin' about!" he said.

The Corvette's driver came over to congratulate him. "You did great, man! I'm just glad we weren't racin' for money or slips." he said.

"Hey, buddy! Why don't you come over here and congratulate a brother?" the Tesla driver called over to the Camaro.

The Camaro's doors opened and out of it climbed a slighty overweight man with a moustache and brownish-blonde hair and a thinner man with black hair and a pair of glasses. Both wore trenchcoats.

"Got a little surprise for you jerkoffs." said the overweight man. Both he and his friend opened their trenchcoats to reveal police uniforms and drew their sidearms.

"Aw shit!" the Tesla driver and the Corvette driver cursed to themselves. The Camaro's drivers were local police officers Slater and Michaels.

"That's right, pally!" said Slater, the bespectacled one. "Prepare to be screwed by the long dick of the law!".

"We're assuming you guys also have guns and crack!" said Michaels, the pudgy one.

"Hey, yo man, this is entrapment!" the Tesla driver protested as Michaels folded his hands behind his back and cuffed him. Slater did the same to the Corvette driver.

"Hey, it's not our fault you're dumb enough to street race." said Slater. "Seriously, you think you impress anyone with that double-clutching bullshit?".

"Well, it impressed me how he made that last turn without losing speed." Michaels admitted.

"True." said Slater thoughtfully. "I never thought an electric car could perform like that.".

"Oh great. We impressed the po-po!" the 'vette driver said sarcastically.

"Watch it, pal." said Slater. "Is that alcohol I smell on your breath?".

"No, it's on your own breath!" The Tesla guy said. "I thought I saw you finish a can of beer before we started the race.".

"You questioning our work ethic, homeboy?" asked Michaels.

As this discussion was going on, Stingray, Yuri, and Mr. Chairman had snuck up behind the group. The two cops and the two captive racers didn't hear them because of the argument they were having.

"Bingo!" Whispered Yuri as he saw that the keys were still in the Tesla and the Corvette.

"Shall we?" asked Stingray.

"We shall." said Mr. Chairman as he and Yuri got into the Tesla and Stingray took the 'vette.

"You two are lousy cops!" yelled the Tesla driver.

"And you two are a pair of losers!" said Slater.

"Anyhow, your cars are goin' straight to impound. And we advise you to get good lawyers, because if you can't afford one, we'll get you the dumbest friggin' lawyer on this planet!" said Michaels.

They were interrupted by the squeal of tyres as the Tesla and the 'vette drove off.

"What the...?" asked Michaels as he turned to look.

"Goddamn it! Some mother went and stole our wheels!" the 'vette driver yelled.

"Come on, Slater! After them!" said Michaels. "To the Speed Demon!"

Slater and Michaels got into the Camaro.

"I still say that's a lame name." Slater grumbled.

They took off after the two stolen cars, leaving the two street racers behind handcuffed.

"HEY! What about us?" The 'vette driver yelled.

A couple of passers-by approached.

The Tesla guy noticed them.

"Yo, man. I'll give you twenty bucks for a hairpin." he said to one of them.

* * *

The Wisdom pulled into the United Nations Plaza. Mortimer, Bella, and Bob climbed out.

"Here we are." said Bob. "The prize is somewhere in this area."

"I hope it is." said Bella. "What if we're wrong? What if it is the embassy?"

At the Australian Embassy...

"It's not a bribe!" yelled Lyle as two guards held him out of a window by his ankles. "I swear the briefcase is not a bribe!"

"Come on, pull him back in." said Charlie.

"As soon as he stops insisting we call him 'Napster'." said one of the guards.

Back at the United Nations...

"Well, let's get started looking for the Australian flag." said Mortimer.

At that point, the Utopia and Asp pulled up.

"Oh, let's hustle!" said Bob.

The other two teams climbed out of their cars.

"Come on!" yelled The Drake. "Those guys from SimCity are here already!"

Mortimer, Bella, and Bob ran for the flags in front of the buildings.

"You know what we have to do." said The Drake.

"Yep." said Ron. "Play dirty."

"My kind of challenge." said Venom.

Ron tackled the Goths to the ground while Venom tackled Bob. The Viper team ran past them and continued on.

"Well, that's not a very sporty way to win." said Mortimer.

"What were you expecting from a guy named Venom?" asked Venom.

Everyone looked at him.

"What?" he asked. "What did you think I'd say?"

The Drake stopped in front of a flagpole and started to look around. "It's gotta be here somewhere." he said.

Joe, Cole, and Westlake ran past him.

"Are you sure it's further up?" asked Westlake.

"I know for a fact that the flags are arranged in alphabetical order." said Cole.

Ron and Venom walked up to The Drake. "Find it yet?" asked Venom.

"No." said The Drake. "It has to be around here somewhere."

"Uh, Mr. Drake?" asked Ron. "Do you know what the Australian flag looks like?"

"Blue with a Union Jack in the corner." said The Drake. "The blue section has six white stars."

"This one has four red stars." said Ron. "It's New Zealand's flag."

The Drake looked up, then looked further down the line. "Crap." he said.

"Come on!" said Mortimer. "Let's get up there before..."

"Hey, look what I found." said Cole. He reached into the bushes and pulled out a briefcase.

"Never mind." groaned Mortimer.

"Is that it?" asked Joe.

Cole opened the briefcase. Inside were several stacks of money.

"We got it!" cheered Westlake.

They carried it back to the Asp and set it on the roof. At that point, the Terrific, Destroyer, and Wayfarer pulled up.

"Nice try!" yelled Joe.

The other entrants in the puzzle hunt heard their cell phones go off. They answered.

"If you're receiving this, you have just lost the puzzle hunt." said Brock. "However, this is the North American puzzle hunt you've just lost. There are others in store in Europe, Africa, Australia, and Asia. If you wish to enter those, simply call to enter. Good luck."

* * *

As the Cannonballers exited New York City, Banner and his team had regrouped.

"Alright. Obviously, we underestimated the Cannonballers. It would seem that more help is needed." Banner wearily said.

"You sure have great judgement there, sir." Buford said sarcastically.

"Watch it, fat boy!" Snapped Roscoe.

"Hey, time out!" yelled Banner. "I'll make a call for some more help if we can get it."

He picked up his CB and tuned it to the police frequency.

"To anyone who's listening out there. This is Federal Agent Rex Banner." he said. "I have put a team together to stop the Cannonball Run. It would seem that more help is needed for our effort.".

Driving along listening to his transmission were LaFours in the Opus and Slater and Michaels in the Speed Demon.

"My superiors have given me the go-ahead to offer a special incentive to anyone who aids our efforts. There will be a reward of $5000 dollars given for each Cannonball team apprehended. Tax free cash." Banner announced.

"Holy (bleep)!" Michaels and Slater chorused.

LaFours remained silent as ever but a smile appeared on his face.

"In addition, it looks likely that injury and damage to your vehicles could be a strong probability in this mission. Thusly, you do not have to step up if you don't wish to, but you will be given additional compensation for injuries or vehicle damages." Banner concluded. "Intelligence informs us that the first port of call for the Cannonballers in Europe will be Dublin, Ireland. Make your way there and then contact me on frequency 27 if you wish to offer your aid. Thank you very much.".

"You wanna do this, buddy?" asked Michaels.

"You bet your chubby ass, amigo!" said Slater.

Michaels poured on the Speed Demon's speed and the Opus followed them.

"This is for you, McLovin!" Michaels yelled. "Your student loans are paid in full, little buddy!"

* * *

As Banner's announcement was made, the Cannonballers had entered Connecticut, the second to last state on their journey through the USA. On I-95 between Fairfield and Milford, the Tempest slowed down a bit.

"Think we just need the engine looked at, guys." Tony said.

"No problem. There's a gas station up ahead." said Bam as he drove towards a rural gas station. An attendant wearing overalls in his late forties stood by a swiveling sign which currently said 'Full Serve'. As the Tempest came to a halt and the three Cannonballers got out, he scowled at them.

"Goddamn skateboard hippies and weirdoes." he grumbled to himself. "You can take care of yourselves.".

He swivelled the sign around so it now said 'Self Serve'. He then marched off inside the store as Torquenstein sighed and lifted the Tempest's hood.

"Dick." said Bam as he glared after the attendant.

"No problem. The engine just needs a little water, that's all." said Torquenstein.

"Still no excuse for that guy being a jerk!" Tony said as he went over to a nearby vending machine.

Just then, the Detector pulled into the gas station just behind the Tempest. The Angels and 99 got out. The attendant came out of the store as fast as lightning when he saw the girls and quickly changed the sign to read 'Full Serve' again.

"Hello, pretty ladies." he said, slightly lecherously. "How can I help you?".

"That's friggin' favouritism!" Bam protested.

"Shut up, punk." grumbled the attendant.

"We just need a quick service, mister." said Alex. "Just check the tyre pressure and under the hood. Fill her up with unleaded as well.".

"Sure thing." smirked the attendant as he went to open the Detector's hood.

The Angels went over to talk to Bam and his team while 99 went into the store to get a magazine.

"So, Angels, how are you finding the Cannonball so far?" asked Torquenstein as he finished filling the Tempest's radiator.

"Well, it's been tough, but we're tough as well so we've been able to handle it." said Natalie.

As they were talking, the attendant sneakily leaned over to look into the back seat of the Detector. He saw Alex's purse with quite a lot of money in it. He smirked to himself. He was unaware that 99 had seen him do so from inside the store. She narrowed her eyes a bit and moved over to the checkout counter.

"Well, after we get to the bridge, the battle really begins." Bam said to Dylan. "So, we hope you do well.".

"And the same to you guys." said Dylan. "Just try to avoid any insane stunts. I remember the time you and the other 'Jackass' guys entered a rent-a-car into a demolition derby.".

The attendant closed the hood of the Detector and approached the Angels.

"There you are, ladies. All fixed up. I have a bit of bad news, though." he said.

"What's that?" asked Alex.

"Well, I know you guys are Cannonballers and that you have that credit card thing to pay for gas and all. But my card-reading machine is broken. I've been waiting for the guy to come and fix it all day." the attendant lied. "So it'll have to be cash I'm afraid.".

"No problem." said Dylan.

"Yeah, well I'm afraid it's gonna cost you a c-note." the attendant smirked.

"A hundred bucks? Are you kidding?" Natalie exclaimed.

"Hey, I think I helped you out a lot." the attendant protested. "There were some things wrong with your engine you didn't know about."

As this was going on, 99 had snuck around the back of the counter and found the station's credit card reader. She took out her CR Credit Card and put it in the slot. The machine was able to read it with no troubles at all.

"Gotcha." she whispered to herself.

"Are you gonna listen to this bullshit?" Bam said to the Angels. "He wouldn't even serve us when we came in!".

"Now you listen here, ya Mountain Dew swiggin' jack..." the attendant began.

Suddenly, he was seized from behind and had a gun put to his head.

"Don't do anything stupid." said 99. "Even though you already have by trying to rip us off.".

"I knew it was a rip off." said Dylan. "There's nothing wrong with his card reader is there?".

"No. And he had a glimpse of Alex's money." 99 added.

"Now, come on!" the attendant nervously protested. "Surely we can sort this out in a friendly way.".

"We know just how." smirked Tony. "Bam, you got the glue?".

"Yep." said Bam. "Lasts a couple of hours.".

"What are you gonna do?" the attendant asked nervously.

"Something that's gonna REALLY injure your pride, pal." Torquenstein said.

A while later...

A police car pulled in to the gas station long after the Tempest and the Detector had left. As the two female state troopers got out, they raised their eyebrows at what they saw.

The attendant had had both his hands glued to the wall of the garage and was standing facing it. A hole had been cut in each of the butt cheek areas of both his overalls and his underpants, with the word 'Kiss' written on his left cheek and the word 'This' written on the right one. Also, glued to the the wall near his mouth was a hand-drawn comic book speech bubble reading 'I Suck Monkey Tits'.

"Up to your old tricks again, Virgil?" the first state trooper asked. "You'd think all those warnings the chief gave you about ripping customers off would sink in by now. As your brother, he's getting sick and tired of saving your ass.".

"Aw, just get me out of this, Maggie." he grumbled.

She tittered to herself and headed back to her car.

Virgil mumbled under his breath and then said: "Pretty please with sugar on it?".

Maggie smirked and went to release him. "Alright, but this is the last time. I mean it.".

* * *

As the sun began to set on the second day of the Cannonball, Giselle sped down Federal Highway 1 in Rhode Island on the way to Perryville. The bridge to Europe began at Point Judith on the coast.

Minnie steered Giselle with very few problems while Daisy kept her eye on the rear view mirror. Giselle managed to make good progress and overtake Herbie back in New York.

"This is great." said Minnie. "I just hope that Mickey won't get jealous if we beat him. Keep it up, Giselle! You're doing great."

Their comms screen came on and an image of Dudley Do-Right appeared.

"Hey there, ladies. How are things going?" he asked. "Any trouble?".

"Not so far, Dudley." said Daisy. "Why? You're not getting bored are you?".

"A little bit." Dudley admitted. "Most of the other guys have handled any threats thus far. Richard and ourselves are getting a bit anxious for some excitement. We're in your area now, so let us know if anything comes up".

Minnie and Daisy both heard the roar of an engine accompanied by some blast noises and gunshots.

Daisy looked in Giselle's rearview and saw the Comrade coming up behind them. The third group representing the Villains' Society were catching up and causing mayhem for the many innocent motorists on the road.

Mean Machine was behind the Comrade's wheel and laughing sadistically as he sideswiped other cars to get them to move aside. In addition, Captain Hook fired shots from his pistol at car tyres and Skeletor fired magic bolts from his fingertips.

"Hold that thought a minute, Dudley. And track our signal." said Daisy as she turned off the comms and activated Giselle's GPS.

"No worries, Daisy. We can handle this!" said Minnie as she frowned in a determined way.

She floored Giselle's accelerator and started swerving around other motorists, making a bit of headway against the Comrade.

"You're mine, ya little bitches!" yelled Mean as he kept after Giselle, also using expert driving.

Giselle passed a jeep on the right side and then Minnie stomped on her brakes. The Comrade overtook the same vehicle on the left side and then had to come to a halt to avoid rear-ending a furniture van. Hook angrily fired two shots at the van's rear tyres, puncturing them.

"Get after those stupid Disney do-gooders!" yelled Oil Can Harry.

"No problem!" said Mean as he got back on the gas and roared off after Giselle.

"They're still coming." Daisy reported.

"No sweat!" said Minnie. "I have an idea."

She drove Giselle up the left side of a large truck, passing it completely as the Comrade tried to catch up. When Giselle got to the front of the truck, Minnie cut in front of the truck and then swerved to the left, slamming on Giselle's brakes.

The Comrade came up behind the truck just as it swerved quickly to its right to avoid hitting Giselle. Mean had lost sight of Giselle so he didn't know that was why the truck had swerved.

He grunted and drove the Comrade over to the left-hand side of the road and passed the truck on that side. As he overtook the truck, he finally saw Giselle sitting there, with the drivers' side window facing the Comrade.

"Insolent wenches!" snapped Skeletor. "I'll deal with them!".

He raised his hand and fired a blue energy bolt from his hand. Just as he did, Minnie activated a special reflector device that Giselle's windows had been outfitted with. Skeletor's beam bounced back off the window and went back towards the Comrade instead and shot through its electrical system.

Mean, still holding the steering wheel got a nasty shock as the bolt went through his system as well.

"ARRRRGGGHH!" he yelled in fury.

Minnie and Daisy smiled. As the bolt wore off, Mean angrily got out of the Comrade and glared at Giselle and her passengers.

"Y'all must really love pain!" he snarled as he turned the dial on his forehead up to three and let out a furious roar.

Just then, he was hit by a taser dart and shocked some more. The Wildchild and the Murmur had shown up. Richard had fired the taser dart.

As Mean was shocked, Multi-Man duplicated himself several times and his duplicates tackled Mean to the ground. In addition, Coil Man had wrapped his coiled arms around Mean's own arms, fully restraining him.

As they did this, Dudley casually walked up to Mean and turned his dial back down to zero. Mean's growling subsided and he fell unconscious.

"Damn it!" yelled Hook.

As the two members of the Impossibles released Mean, they went over to Giselle.

"Are you okay, ladies?" asked Multi.

"Sure. Glad you got here in time." said Daisy.

"It looked like you had the situation under control, though." said Coil.

"We'll see you Disney brats when these guys aren't around!" yelled Harry.

"Maybe we won't need these guys nest time." said Minnie in a menacing voice, unusually for her.

"Now you guys take your partner and vamoose." said Dudley.

"Okay." grumbled Hook as he and Skeletor went to pick up Mean. Just then, there was a loud crash. Hook and Skeletor turned around and saw that all four wheels had fallen off the Comrade.

"What...?" Skeletor said.

"You idiot!" yelled Hook as he slapped Skeletor on the head. "That was your damn spell that did that!".

"Rubbish! It was your lousy customisation skills!" Skeletor snapped back. "I should have brought Trap Jaw with me!".

"I think you ladies can head on while these guys sort out their problem." Richard said.

"On it!" said Minnie as she smiled and drove off in Giselle.

The two protector teams returned to their cars. "I'd hurry up with that repair if I were you guys." Fluid Man called out smugly to Skeletor and Hook.

* * *

At the beginning of a stretch of farm country near Wakefield, the Overlord pulled up to the Bisonte. Darius was in the Bisonte's driver's seat while as usual, Ford drove the Overlord.

"Okay, this is it." Frank announced as he stood alongside the road with Jazz and Don with him. "We're almost one continent down, so hopefully this little diversion will convince Mr. Fairlane that his car needs help.".

"Yeah, like hell, snapperhead!" scoffed Ford.

"I've got my laptop wired with GPS to both cars so I can check who the winner is when the race is over." said Jazz. "But Ford, I hope you know what you're doing.".

"I hope he does too, Jazz." said Darius. "His ego could be in for a MAJOR blow after this race.".

"Is your engine as big as your mouth, pal?" said Ford.

"Okay, okay! Enough of the grade school crap!" said Don. "Let's get it on!".

Both Ford and Darius revved their engines as Jazz stepped out into the gap between both cars in front, holding a red scarf in her hands.

"Jimmy Dean style!" Ford thought to himself.

After a few tense seconds, Jazz waved the scarf in the air and the Overlord and Bisonte roared off the impromptu starting line.

The Bisonte took the lead as both vehicles raced through the farm country. As they came over the crest of a hill, Ford clenched his teeth and managed to get a fraction of a lead.

"YEAH! That's what I'm talkin' about!" he yelled.

"Dead man driving!" said Darius as he managed to close the gap. As they rounded a turn, the Overlord swung a bit wide and the Bisonte was able to take the lead again. But Ford kept right on Darius' tail.

The two cars raced through a covered bridge, with the Overlord rapidly gaining ground. As the two cars came out of the bridge, Ford smirked as he saw an opportunity for a short cut up ahead. There was a dirt road on the left side of the track while the main road continued to curve downhill to the right.

As Darius continued down the main road, Ford laughed and turned off onto the dirt road and continued into a tunnel at the end.

"Okay! Here we go!" yelled Ford as he saw a jump at the end of the tunnel. Just as Darius reached the bottom of the hillside on the main road, Ford leapt the Overlord over the jump just above him and took the lead.

"HAH!" Ford yelled. He then started to sing to himself as he kept the lead. "Da da dum dum dum, another one bites the dust!".

"Buster!" Darius grumbled to himself as he sped the Bisonte up to catch up with the Overlord as the race continued over some rolling hills and past a cluster of farmhouses.

Darius himself spotted an opportunity. "Okay, white boy! Two can play at that game!".

As Ford sped on through the farmland, Darius suddenly turned to the left and went down another dirt road. It led him through a cornfield. While Ford continued on the main road, Darius mowed down stacks of corn and managed to gain ground.

As the Overlord weaved through the farmland, the Bisonte suddenly swerved out of the cornfield and cut in front of the Overlord, nearly scraping against it.

"Son of a bitch!" yelled Ford.

"Sorry. Didn't see you there!" Darius sarcastically said as he got the lead on the Overlord once again as they continued through the farmland.

As they both exited the stretch of farmland, they entered a small town and drove completely straight down the main street, managing to avoid the traffic with expertise. Although Darius fared slightly better than Ford.

As they exited the town, Ford saw one last posibility for a shortcut and went down a side road as Darius continued down the main road an through a stream.

Ford drove the Overlord through a barn and kept going, but was temporarily blinded as he hit some hay bales and some of the hay spilled onto the Overlord's windshield.

"Goddamn it!" he yelled as he swerved a bit, trying to regain control.

While Ford had his trouble, the Bisonte continued through some more farmland.

Frank spoke to Darius through a walkie-talkie.

"Keep going! You're nearly there!" Frank said.

"Roger that!" said Darius.

The Overlord had finally got out of the barn and Ford struggled to catch up. He gained some ground as both cars approached the coast line and came to a hard left-hand turn.

Darius was able to successfully turn and drift through the sharp curve. Ford tried to do the same, but the Overlord topped out and went into a spin.

Darius laughed to himself as he took the lead and reached the end of the course successfully.

Back at the start, Jazz checked her GPS on her laptop.

She sighed to herself.

"Congratulations, Frank." she said. "Darius is the winner.".

Frank smiled. "I'm glad that NSA driving school paid off for him.".

A short while later, the Bisonte and the Overlord had returned to the starting line. Frank was now back inside the Bisonte with Darius and Ford's team were back in the Overlord with him.

Ford glared to himself.

"I want you to practice something for me, Ford." said Frank. "'I was wrong'. Say it.".

"I was wrong." grumbled Ford.

"We couldn't hear you." said Darius chidingly.

"I was wrong." Ford said louder.

"Okay. Now let's get going, unless you want to be last across the bridge as well." smirked Frank as he and Darius sped off.

"Goddamn snapperhead!" Ford said to himself.

"Him or yourself?" asked Don.

"Both actually." Ford said. "Okay, so we DO need help, but how can we get it?".

"No prob." said Jazz as she consulted her laptop. "I had a feeling this would happen so I checked out the locations throughout the world of this race parts store called Speed Zone.".

"Speed Zone?" chorused Ford and Don.

"Yeah. They're a street-racing outfitters. They should be able to help us get the parts we need. It'll cost though." said Jazz.

"Well, we'll talk about that more later." said Don. "For now, let's get the lead out and get to the bridge.".

"Okay, here we go." said Ford as he drove off. He turned on the Overlord's stereo and smiled a little bit as 'Built For Speed' by the Stray Cats started playing.

"Just a little mood lifter." he explained.

* * *

"At this moment, the Cannonballers are almost out of North America." announced Misty. "As you know, for a change this year, Point Judith in Rhode Island marks the beginning of the bridge to Europe.".

"The state said that it was a great honour to be picked as the starting point for the USA to Europe bridge this year." said Ron. "I bet they were really happy to get in on the excitement.".

"Anyway, the top three teams are now approaching the bridge." said Veronica. "Reporting on the scene are two reporters we called in from the East Coast. Please welcome from New York, Robin Scherbatsky, and from Philadelphia, Holly Ellenbogen."

Near the bridge to Europe, two women reporters, one brunette and one blonde, stood holding microphones.

"Thank you, Misty." said Robin, the brunette. "Right now, we are awaiting the arrival of the Cannonballers."

"Who will be the first to cross the bridge?" asked Holly, the blonde. "Several teams are racing through Rhode Island. Which one will get there first?"

"Currently, we have little information to suggest a first arrival." said Robin. "The anticipation is quite awe-inspiring and I haven't felt this way since I covered the inauguration of the newest New York City mayor."

"Odds makers are hard at work trying to determine a favorite for the first to cross." said Holly. "Hopefully, we won't be waiting long, then you can know how I felt when a group of college students isolated the magenta virus while I was interviewing their professor."

"Or how I felt when a panda gave birth while I was interviewing the zookeeper nearby." said Robin.

"Sounds like the time I interviewed a firefighter after he rescued a bus full of kids." said Holly.

"You did not do that story." said Robin.

"I did so." said Holly. "And if we had a computer with internet access, we could see it. It's probably on YouTube."

"Actually, girls." said Misty. "You have a laptop computer with a cellular modem in your news van."

"Shall we take a look?" asked Robin.

"Okay." said Holly.

They walked back to the news van and used the laptop.

"Okay, I'll just enter my name." said Holly. "Now, where is it?"

"I don't see it." said Robin. "The only video here under your name is something about impaling a rabbit."

"You don't want to watch that." said Holly nervously.

"I think I do." said Robin as she clicked on the link.

"You are so dead." said Holly.

Holly and Robin watched the video clip which showed Holly at a game farm reporting a story. As she approached the camera, a rabbit hopped over to her.

"Oh!" gasped Robin as she covered her mouth in shock.

"Yes, it's true." said Holly. "I killed a rabbit."

"I guess you shouldn't have worn those heels." said Robin.

"Let's see if there's anything about you here." said Holly as she started to enter something into the search engine.

"Save your RAM." said Robin. "The most embarrassing thing you'll find is me falling in horse manure."

"What's this?" asked Holly. "'Let's Go To The Mall'?"

"What?" said Robin. "What's that doing in there?" Then, she saw the user name on the clip. "Swarley? Damn you, Barney!"

Holly clicked on it. They saw a teenage Robin dressed as a Catholic schoolgirl. She appologized to her teacher and then started to sing a pop song about going to the mall.

"Uh, we'll be right back." said Misty.

* * *

The Drake drove across the Connecticut/Rhode Island state line.

"You realize that Danny's never going to let you live that down, right?" said Ron.

"Let's just try to put it behind us." said the Drake.

"Maybe some music will help." said Venom. He turned on the radio.

**Do you come from a land down under?**  
**Where women glow and...**

The Drake turned it off.

"Let's forget about music." said Venom.

* * *

"Hang on a minute, Misty!" Holly said suddenly as she looked into her binoculars. "I can see a car approaching!"

Robin grabbed her binoculars as well. "Yes, there is definitely a Cannonballer approaching."

"Can you tell who it is?" asked Ron.

"It appears to be...yes! It's the Red Fury!" cheered Holly.

The Red Fury drove past the two reporters and continued on the way across to Europe.

"Looks like we're leading the pack now!" said Mack, as he drove.

"Don't get too cocky! 'Cause then when you start making mistakes." Cautioned Nick.

"So, folks, there you have it!" said Misty. "The Red Rangers team is in first! We'll contact them now."

Ron activated a link to the Red Fury and his image popped up on their dashboard monitor.

"So, guys, are you proud to have made it to the bridge first?" asked Ron.

"Yes, we are. But we know we'll have a long way to go before a winner is crowned, Ron." said Casey.

"Well, as you know, the first racer to cross the bridge gets special privileges. Any song you'd like to either hear the band play or request from our DJs?' asked Ron.

"Yes, I do have a song I'd like to request from Cool J and Usher." said Mack.

"We're all ears, Mack." said Cool J. "What'll it be?"

"Well, we're about to enter the rest of the world on our way through the Cannonball" said Mack. "So I'd like to request 'Welcome To The World' by Kevin Rudolf."

"Good call there, Mack." said Casey.

"Okay, fellas. Here you are." said Usher as Moby started up the music and they began to sing.

**Welcome to the world, welcome to the world.**

**You got your pop star, I'll be your rock star.**  
**When it's a suicide, you call it superstar.**  
**Check out the forecast, predictions won't stop.**  
**You get your fifteen and then they take the spot.**

As the Red Fury began to cross the bridge to Europe, the Vulcano and the Usagi started to cross behind it. All the occupants of both cars admired the view of the ocean.

"We're one continent down with six more to go through." Buffy said.

"(Not for long!)" yelled a voice.

The two all girl teams looked and saw Yogostein, Kitaneidas and Kegaleisa appear on the bridge before them.

"(We're not finished with you by a long shot!)" Yogostein said. "(Banki, get them!)"

Scoop Banki, Speaker Banki, and then Bombe Banki arrived to attack both teams. Both teams used the weapons in their respective vehicles to fight the three machine monsters.

**Let's go, let's go.**  
**And then you're ready to go.**  
**Let's go, let's go.**  
**'Cause it's the end of the show.**

**Let's go, let's go.**  
**So just get ready to go.**  
**Let's go, let's go.**  
**Let's go, let's go.**

The Vulcano fired its flamethrower. It incinerated both Bombe and Speaker Banki.

The Usagi fired missiles at Scoop Banki, which destroyed it instantly.

"(You forget that it's not over until they're enlarged!)" Yogostein added to his monsters' defeat. Inside all three Banki, a special chemical was pumped into each monster from a special small storage tank. All three instantly grew into giants.

"That's not good..." Lara said.

**All the time that you were gone.**  
**I thought about how things went wrong.**  
**Now you're coming down to earth.**  
**Okay, hello, welcome to the world.**

**She saw the bright lights, she caught the fever.**  
**She got contagious, she never leave it.**  
**So no more time spent and no more free shit.**  
**In fact this free ride has reached its destination.**

As hope seemed lost on the girls' teams, the Red Fury turned around and drove back towards them.

**Let's go, let's go.**  
**And then you're ready to go.**  
**Let's go, let's go.**  
**'Cause it's the end of the show.**

**Let's go, let's go.**  
**And when it's over, you'll know.**  
**Let's go, let's go.**  
**Let's go, let's go.**

The Red Fury came to a halt as all three Red Rangers morphed. They climbed out of the car and Mack made a call on his morpher to have the BattleFleet Zord summoned to their location.

"(What is that?)" Kitaneidas asked as he noticed something approaching the bridge. An amphibious battleship drove out of the water and came to a halt at the edge of the bridge.

The three Red Rangers jumped aboard the Zord, as Mack initiated Megazord transformation.

**All the time that you were gone.**  
**I thought about how things went wrong.**  
**Now you're coming down to earth.**  
**Okay, hello, welcome to the world.**

**Life's a tour, I'm so sure.**  
**The ex will come before you exit girl.**  
**No more games, I confess.**  
**Far from lane, I'm just so fresh.**

**While Cubit Lee it's the big boss.**  
**You get on the block, Mr. Rudolf.**  
**2 stars, hold your applause.**  
**Hold it down to y'alls all guitars.**

"BattleFleet Megazord!" Mack shouted out as the Megazord unleashed a barrage of punches to the monsters, destroying them instantly.

The teams in the Vulcano and the Usagi were ecstatic and waved their thanks and goodbyes to the Power Rangers as they sped off on their way to Europe.

"Hey, they're getting ahead of us!" said Nick.

"No problem! We can catch up." said Casey. "We just have to send the Zord here back home."

"Okay." said Mack as he got ready to do so.

**Half my life I sacrifice.**  
**But I only came to party tonight.**  
**New chicks, get my drinks up.**  
**Every weekend we can link up.**

**New rings, with the big cuts.**  
**Only be the best sport, get your mix up.**  
**I took my time she love me, me such.**  
**When she closes her eyes it's what she thinks of.**  
**Boss.**

As more and more Cannonballers raced onto the bridge, the three Pollution Ministers cursed.

"(Next continent, their asses are ours!)" Kegaleisa snarled.

**All the time that you were gone.**  
**I thought about how things went wrong.**  
**Now you're coming down to earth.**  
**Okay, hello, welcome to the world.**  
**Welcome to the world, welcome to the world.**  
**Welcome to the world, welcome to the world.**

'Welcome To The World' by Kevin Rudolf feat. Rick Ross.

"Ho-ly crap!" exclaimed Robin when the battle was over. "Did you guys at Race Central see that?"

"We sure did." said Ron. "That was incredible.".

"I think that's the first time there's actually been a confrontation on one of the continental bridges!" said Misty. "But thanks to Team Red Ranger, it was dealt with and the Cannonballers are Europe-bound!"

"Hold on, we've got a report of the next team." said Veronica. "And it turns out to be the winners of the puzzle hunt."

"Yes, we can see him approaching now." said Robin.

"And so, here comes the..." said Holly before she and Robin took on shocked looks.

"Should we tell him?" asked Robin.

"I think he knows." said Holly.

"I can't believe we won that." said Westlake.

"Maybe we'll win the next one too." said Joe.

"Hey, guys." said Cole. "Where'd we put the money?"

"Westlake put it in the trunk." said Joe.

"No, I didn't." said Westlake.

"Well, it has to be somewhere." said Cole.

"Don't worry." said Joe. "It'll turn up."

The Asp drove across the bridge. The briefcase sat on the roof as the money inside blew out.

"And so ends the first leg of the race." said Lazlow As usual, it was not without drama, both on and off the track."

"Our security team, in light of the recent attempted heist of the prize money, will remain vigilant over the money, as I am sure the Cannonballers shall be against any future attacks of this magnitude." said Ron.

"So we wish all our racers godspeed and good fortune in the remaining continents." said Veronica.

"So, until next time, I'm Lazlow.."

"I'm Misty.."

"I'm Veronica Corningstone.."

"And I'm Ron Burgundy. Stay classy, Cannonball fans!"

* * *

Back at the warehouse where he had received KARR, Garthe watched as some technicians made some repairs and alterations to Goliath.

He turned to KARR who was parked nearby.

"Okay, so we got off to a rough start, but from here on out, things will get nasty for the Cannonballers...and Michael Knight.".

"I intend to make sure that is so, Mr. Knight." KARR laughed to himself.

* * *

Big Boss had just heard the reports of the failures his agents had in the field and angrily pounded his desk with his iron hand.

"Okay, you'll get replacement vehicles, you morons!" he yelled. "But there better be no more screw-ups, see? Now get going!".

Just then, Dr. Badvibes entered his office.

"What is it, Badvibes?" he asked in frustration.

"One part of the mission was a success, Big Boss." Badvibes smirked as he held up the Total Anarchy mask.

Big Boss smiled to himself evilly.

* * *

"I don't know if you've heard or not," said Alice into the phone "but a few days ago, there was a fire at the Four Dragons. We were forced to evacuate with the guests."

"Don't worry about it." said Lester. "We managed to get the blueprints and get out."

"How did you do that?" asked Alice.

"I'll explain later." said Lester. He looked over at Luther. Luther looked at himself in the mirror with his shirt pulled up. The map written on his chest and belly was fully visible.

TO BE CONTINUED.

* * *

_"In the next chapter of Cannonball Run 7..."_

_"Lester and Luther use their ill-gotten map to go after their boss."_

In the prison, Luther had pulled up his shirt to show Lester the map on his chest. Lester leaned in close and asked "Is this a staircase or a secret door?"

Luther looked at what Lester was looking at and said "Neither, it's a birthmark."

_"The Bluths reward their savior."_

George Sr. and Gob stood in a field with Gob holding the dove. Hot-air balloons were being inflated all around them.

"Well, little guy." said George. "It's because of you that we were able to escape from that situation."

"You granted us our freedom." said Gob. "So, we shall grant you yours. Back to the sky from whence you came."

With that, he tossed the dove into the air and they watched it fly off.

_"And the dove enjoys its returned freedom..."_

The dove landed on the propane burner for one of the balloons.

_"...for the last thirty seconds of its life."_

George waved his hands and repeated "No! at half-second intervals.

"No, not there!" yelled Gob. "Go! Fly! Take off! Get outta there! Fly! FLY!"

The balloon operator activated the propane burner.

KWEEEEEEEE!

"Come on!" yelled Gob.

AN:As always, please review. And Happy Easter.


	6. Let's Do This

CANNONBALL RUN 7: HIGH SPEED HEROES By Bkelly95 and the Turbo Man

CHAPTER SIX: 'Let's do this!'

DISCLAIMER: the usual. Thanks again to GX7 for his help.

"Good morning, Cannonball fans. I'm Veronica Corningstone with another Cannonball Update."

"This Cannonball Update is sponsored by Sofa King of East Orange, New Jersey." said Ron. "With four convenient locations, free home delivery, and old sofa removal, buying a sofa has never been easier. You'll wonder why other stores don't make buying furniture Sofa King easy."

"Our first news item." said Misty. "There was recently a break-in at Cannonball Headquarters, but fortunately the thief failed to abscond with the prize money. As a result, security has been tightened here."

"Another item of interest is an unofficial entry in the race." said Lazlow. "Shortly after the race began, one of the racers encountered the driver of this '49 Chevrolet Fleetline. Reportedly, the driver has made a bet with this racer, Trikz Lane of Team Rush, and is running the race course with the other drivers. Who will win? We'll see."

"But right now, the Cannonballers have now entered Europe. They are currently in County Galway, Ireland, and are headed for their first pit stop in Dublin, wherein they will find the bridge that will take them across the Irish Sea to England." Veronica said.

"And now, we have an in-car interview with one of the teams." said Ron. "Two years ago, this team was interviewed when they entered Europe and today, history repeats. Please welcome Team Angels."

The monitor behind him turned on and revealed Dylan and 99 sitting in the Detector's backseat.

"Hello, Angels." said Ron.

"Hello, Ron." said Dylan. "How's everything with you?"

"Pretty good." said Ron. "How's the race going for you so far?"

"Not bad." said Dylan. "We had a little bit of drama there, but everything's okay now."

"So, what's the secret to your success?" asked Ron.

"Let me give out some advice." said 99. "Folks, if you're planning on entering the Cannonball, you have to work on fore planning."

"Fore planning, you say." said Ron.

"Yeah, you have to prepare for anything." said Dylan. "If something unexpected happens, it can be a real pain in the neck."

"Do you have any specific plans for Europe?" asked Ron.

"Of course." said Dylan. "We plan to finish the continent first."

"Alright, that's the spirit." said Ron. "We'll let you get back to racing."

"This has been a Cannonball Update." said Veronica. "I'm Veronica Corningstone."

"I'm Misty."

"I'm Lazlow."

"And I'm Ron Burgundy. Stay classy, Cannonball fans."

Ron and Lazlow started to remove their clip-on microphones. "That ought to hold the little bastards." said Lazlow.

* * *

Chrissy, Sissy, and Missy drove through Ireland in the Manhattan Spirit, which they had 'appropriated' from the two paramedics back in the USA.

"Thanks for rescuing me from the hospital." said Missy.

"No problem." said Sissy.

"Just don't talk about the rescue." warned Chrissy. "I don't ever want to talk about that again."

"Okay." said Missy. "I'm just surprised that those two nuns weren't..."

"I don't want to talk about the rescue!" yelled Chrissy.

"Anyway, now we can use our transport here to our advantage." smirked Sissy. "Who would ever expect an ambulance?"

"Good idea." said Chrissy. "And it's only a matter of time before some stupid Cannonballer gets hurt. But that'll be peanuts compared to what we'll do to them."

"Then just keep listening to the radio." said Sissy. "When the time comes, we strike."

Not too far behind them was the Clover. Dane was now driving, but Denis looked a bit pissed off. It had nothing to do with Dane's driving. He was irritated by the GPS they had put into the Clover to aid them in driving through Europe.

"Why do you put up with that stuck-up condescending bitch, Dane?" Denis demanded.

"It's just a computer programme, Denis. It just so happens that was the voice that came with it." Dane replied.

"Well it pisses me off. It talks to us like we're idiots and gives vague directions!" Denis said.

At that, the GPS came on. "To get to N17, turn left soon." it said in an upper middle class British female voice.

"See?" said Denis, gesturing to the GPS box. "Turn left soon. How friggin' soon? In fifteen minutes? In a goddamn week? HOW (bleep)IN' SOON?".

"Jeez, Denis. I thought going through your ancient home country would calm you down!" said Dane. "Hang on, there's a traffic circle coming up. I'm sure we'll be on the right track then.".

As they went down the road to the roundabout, the GPS spoke up again.

"At the roundabout, take the third exit.".

Now, Dane looked confused.

"Roundabout? What in the blue hell is that? Sounds like the GPS is a Yes fan." he said. He tapped the GPS box and said "Can't you call it a traffic circle like everyone else in America does?".

"Glad you're venting frustration at the damn thing now." said Denis. He then looked at the various junctions on the roundabout.

"Which one's the third exit?" he asked. "Could it have been any more vague? What's it think we are, psychic?".

"I think it means that one." said Dane as he pointed to a junction at the south east end of the roundabout.

"Are you sure?" asked Denis. "That looks like the fourth exit by my count.".

"Well look over there." said Dane as he pointed to another junction right across from them. "That's a one-way street. That's not an exit. We try going through there we'll get killed.".

"Good point." said Denis. "But then again, knowing our luck, the lady in the box there counted it as an exit.".

"That is completely ridiculous." said Dane.

"Well, think about it. She's safe in her friggin' box! She doesn't give a shit if you die in a head-on collision! That GPS thing's the same as a black box in a goddamn plane! They always survive the crash!" Denis yelled, getting more worked up.

"You're starting to freak me out with all that stuff, Denis." said Dane. "I know you gave me my big break and all, but I have to assert myself here!".

He nodded to the South East junction. "We're going that way. We will be fine. We will not crash and we will not get lost. Okay?".

"If we DO get lost, don't say I didn't warn you." grumbled Denis as they circled the roundabout and went towards the south east junction. The Manhattan Spirit went a different way.

"Where are those morons going?" asked Missy. "That's leading them towards the R446. That's gonna take them WAY out of their way!".

"HAH! I knew it! These Cannonballers are lucky if they can find their own asses with both hands and a flashlight!" laughed Sissy.

* * *

Not far behind Team Angels as they drove through Galway City were Team Mystery Inc. They were all happy to now be high up in the ranking.

"This is going well. And we only had to use SST once this time." smirked Daphne.

"Those guys really souped-up the engine to heck and back." said Shaggy. "Do you think it could take long to get to Dublin?"

"I think we could take a break for a while." said Velma as she checked the map. "At least to change drivers and that kind of thing."

They suddenly heard a horn honk and saw a tricked out red Amuse S2000 GT1 coming up behind them.

"Wonder what this is all about?" asked Fred.

The Amuse got alongside them and slowed down to keep pace with them

Shaggy smiled as he recognised the driver and passenger. It was his Irish cousins Liam and Michael. Both of them were local club DJs in Galway.

"Hey there, cuz. Good to see you." said Liam, the driver.

"Hey guys." said Shaggy. "I thought you were going to enter the Cannonball this year.".

"Aye, we would have. But the car wasn't ready on time." replied Michael.

"We still entered the Irish Cannonball, though." Liam said.

"Oh, yeah. That's the one that's run for charity across Ireland isn't it?" asked Fred.

"Aye. And we finished very high up in the ranking." said Michael. "It was great fun. But that's not to say we still can't get in on the action in the BIG Cannonball."

"How do you fancy a race to Limerick?" asked Liam. "It wouldn't take too long, and you can make up the lost time no problem from what we saw of the Cavaliere's speed on TV."

Shaggy pondered that idea for a minute.

"Come on, Shaggy. Let your cousins have a bit of Cannonball fun!" said Daphne as she nudged Shaggy.

"Reah! Ro for it!" said Scooby.

Shaggy smiled. "Okay, lads. Let's do it!"

"Just one thing: Scooby has to drive." said Michael.

"WHAT?" Daphne yelled.

"We've seen that he can do it, Daphne." said Velma. "Let's go for it!"

Daphne thought a minute and then shrugged. "What the hell?" she said.

Both cars pulled over so that Scooby could get in the Cavaliere's driver seat.

As they made the switch, Fred had finished making a call to Race Central.

"Just calling in a favour." he explained.

At Race Central, Bowling For Soup took the stage.

"Alright, people. Here's one for Team Mystery Inc. as they are about to have some enjoyment in the Emerald Isle!" Jaret Reddick said to the audience.

"ONE, TWO, ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR!" yelled Chris Burney and they began their song.

**Here We Go.**  
**Here We Go.**  
**Everybody's Gonna get down let's go.**

**Here we go.**  
**Here we go.**  
**Everybody's gonna get down... let's go!**

With Scooby now behind the wheel, the Cavaliere and the Amuse roared out of Galway City and headed for the N18, leading towards Clarinbridge.

**Back up man, you're out of control (yeah)**  
**You're stressed out at full throttle (naw)**  
**Got so many problems I don't need more (yeah)**  
**I'm with my friends we just wanna roll (naw)**

**Right on through to the other side.**  
**Right on through, we will never hide.**  
**Cause this is our town to ride.**  
**And our Chevy will fly.**

As the two cars raced even further down the road, Liam got the Amuse up as fast as it would go and handled a series of sharp turns very well as he gained ground on the Cavaliere.

Scooby growled to himself and put his foot down on the Cavaliere's accelerator and managed to slowly catch up.

**Here we go.**  
**Here we go.**  
**Everybody's gonna get down, let's go.**

**Here we go.**  
**Here we go.**  
**Everybody's gonna get down.. let's go!**

**This is our plan understand.**  
**We're blasting out music from a foreign land.**  
**Reggae and soul, punk, rock and roll, boom-box, radio.**

**With all this music, we don't wanna drop (yeah)**  
**With all this music, we'll never stop.**  
**And... non-stop night spot.**  
**non-stop night spot, night spot not stop.**

Scooby regained the lead and negotiated another bunch of sharp curves and turns as they neared Gort. Liam and Michael activated their nitrous shot and tried to make up lost ground.

As both cars reached an intersection, the Cavaliere continued on the N18 towards Crusheen, but the Amuse drove down the R462, a twisty country road.

"Are you crazy?" asked Michael. "We could lose them."

"Hey, who knows these country roads better than I do?" asked Liam, raising an eyebrow. "Besides, I wanted this to be a bit of a challenge."

**Here we go.**  
**Here we go.**  
**Everybody's gonna get down, let's go.**

**Here we go.**  
**Here we go.**  
**Everybody's gonna get down... let's go!**

**I've been to Kingston.**  
**I've been to London, Osaka, Nevada.**  
**And back to Brooklyn, I've been to Nevada,**  
**I've been to Stockholm, Sacramento, Fresno,**  
**I've been to Oakland.**

**It's not about flexing, or starting a fight.**  
**It's not about who's wrong or right.**  
**It's all about hanging with your friends tonight.**  
**At 7-11 every day and night.**

The Cavaliere continued down the N18 towards Barefield and Scooby got ready to go on the M18 motorway.

"I hope your cousins haven't bamboozled us, Shaggy." said Velma. "They may be going the long way round but they could pull off the win if we're not careful."

"Then I guess we just use SST again." said Shaggy. "Scoob, if you please?"

"Rokay." said Scooby as he got behind a fast moving Range Rover to absorb its energy.

When SST was fully charged, Scooby laughed, got a clear opening and pressed the switch.

The Cavaliere roared down the motorway as Team Mystery Inc. cheered and whooped and the other motorists looked on in shock.

**Here we go.**  
**Here we go.**  
**Everybody's gonna get down, let's go.**

**Here we go.**  
**Here we go.**  
**Everybody's gonna get down... let's go!**

**Here we go.**  
**Here we go.**  
**Everybody's gonna get down, let's go.**

**Here we go.**  
**Here we go.**  
**Everybody's gonna get down... let's go!**

-'Here We Go' by Bowling For Soup.

* * *

Meanwhile, the Rumor drove down the M6 towards Athlone. Dom's team really enjoyed the scenery as they drove along casually.

Dom glanced in the rear-view mirror and his eyes widened as he saw the Orange Crush coming up behind them.

"Shit! It's Virginia!" he yelled.

"Seriously?" asked Brian as he looked back and saw the Orange Crush as well.

"I knew we should have avoided that big crowd back in New York!" snapped Dom. "Thanks a lot, Vince!"

"Hey, it was a million to one shot that she'd be watching it!" Vince protested as the Orange Crush pulled alongside, keeping up to speed with them.

Virginia got over a speaker system and yelled into a CB.

"Stop, Dom! I'm ordering you to turn yourself in!" she said.

"I'm not too good at taking orders, Virg!" Dom replied as he poured on the speed.

The Orange Crush had been modified so Virginia could keep up with him and she stayed with him.

"You're under arrest, Dom! Pull over now!" Virginia persisted. "I will run you off this highway if need be! Don't think I wouldn't!"

"You realize this is a Skyline and that's a Karmann Ghia, right?" asked Dom.

She swerved a bit and sideswiped the Rumor. Dom stayed focused on the road as Virginia tried to force him to stop.

"Okay, I guess not." said Dom.

Vince reached under his seat and pulled out a pistol. Brian saw this and panicked.

"You dumb shit! What are you doing?" he yelled at Vince.

"We need to lose her, don't we?" Vince replied.

"VINCE!" yelled Dom. "Put that thing away now! You just added possession of weapons to the rap sheet, you asshole!"

Vince thought about that for a minute. "Sorry." he said sheepishly.

Brian hit Vince on the arm. "Same old Vince! Still doing the same stupid shit!"

"Hey, watch it, buster!" Vince replied angrily.

The Orange Crush continued trying to sideswipe the Rumor.

Just then, another car, an orange Mastretta MXT, turned up on the road behind them. Behind the wheel was Jack Carter while Jo Lupo sat in the passenger seat.

"Looks like a Cannonballer has some trouble, Jack." said Jo. "We need the Cannonballers to help out."

"I hear ya, Jo." said Jack as he pressed a button on the MXT's dashboard.

One of the headlights opened up and a small disc-shaped object was shot out of it. It attached to the Orange Crush's rear quarter panel and sent out an electronic pulse.

The Orange Crush suddenly started to slow down and come to a halt.

"What the...?" Virginia said.

"Looks like Doc Banzai's disruptor discs work." smirked Jack. "He says they'll be the latest thing used by the highway patrol."

The MXT got alongside the Rumor and Jo gestured to Dom to follow them as they sped on.

"That's a cop, Dom. Are you gonna trust them?" asked Vince.

"I certainly trust them not to do anything dumb!" Dom growled.

"I said I was sorry! What more do you want?" Vince yelled as the Rumor followed the MXT.

"How about a bit of common sense?" Brian asked.

* * *

The Clover was now lost, driving aimlessly along one of many country roads.

"We've driven into rural HELL here!" Denis yelled.

"I'm not any happier about it than you are!" Dane yelled as he tapped the GPS box again.

"HELLO?" he yelled at it. "We need assistance! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?"

The GPS remained silent.

"I told ya! She's giving us the friggin' cold shoulder because we didn't do as she said! Typical snobby BITCH!"

"Denis, you're yelling at a Gameboy! Calm the (bleep) down!" Dane replied as he turned the Clover around and headed back the way they had come.

* * *

Bunratty Castle, Limerick, Ireland...

The Killer Cars had converged at the Castle. They had just taken delivery of a few backup versions of their muscle cars that Dr. Badvibes had made for them in case of emergencies. Stingray had re-joined the group and they now began to make plans.

"So, people." said Charger. "Do we have a new plan?"

"I had a great idea." said Camaro. "Maybe if we could somehow turn one of the Cannonballers against the others, we'll have a powerful ally."

"That's not a bad idea." said Charger. "Who did you have in mind?"

"I'm thinking the team headed by Michael Bluth." said Stingray. "Luckily, we're almost to England where we can find his bargaining chip, so to speak. I give you Rita Leeds."

She handed her team-mates a picture of a woman who looked a lot like Stella Bridger, only with a different hairstyle and a hat.

"What's her connection to Michael Bluth?" asked Charger.

"She used to date him while she was living in Southern California." said AMX. "They were forced to break up when she was deported on suspicion of spying."

"Sounds like she could be a tough one." said Charger.

"Not necessarily." said Stingray. "According to the file, she's an MRF. She should be no trouble at all."

"Very well." said Charger. "On to London."

They heard roaring engines outside and looked out to see the Cavaliere speed past the castle with Liam's Amuse bringing up the rear.

Stingray glared. "I can't wait to take these dickheads out!"

The Cavaliere came to a stop. The Amuse pulled up alongside it.

"Hey there, cousins!" smirked Shaggy. "I hope Scoobs gave you a good race!"

"Yeah he did." said Michael. "But only because Liam's a feckin' eejit!"

"How was I supposed to know we'd get stuck behind a tractor?" protested Liam.

"What did you expect on a country road?" asked Daphne.

"Well, anyway, Shaggy, good luck in the Cannonball." said Michael. "We'll hold a special rave in your honour if you finish in the top three."

"Okay, you guys. Bye!" said Shaggy as Scooby floored the gas pedal and headed off towards Dublin.

* * *

With a lot of luck, Dane had found his way back to the roundabout where they had originally gone the wrong way.

All of a sudden, the Clover's GPS spoke up again, sounding very smug for some reason.

"At the third exit, maybe you'll do as you're told this time." it said.

Denis angrily reached forward and yanked the GPS box off the dashboard. "Up yours, lady!" he said as he threw the box in the back seat.

"Asshole." it said.

"And proud of it!" Denis replied.

"So what now?" asked Dane.

The Doomsayer came up to the same roundabout and moved around to a different exit. Mario looked happy enough that he knew the way.

"Follow the other Cannonballers I guess." Denis sighed.

"I'll never trust a GPS again!" Dane grumbled.

Their comms screen crackled on and Yucko appeared.

"Big surprise that ya got lost, dipshit!" he laughed. "You've got the IQ of a friggin' retarded slug and are of ZERO (bleep)in' use to any living THING on this planet."

He then put on an exaggerated 'retarded' voice. "My name is Dane! I like to count the potatoes! Including the one I apparently use for a head!"

Yucko honked his horn again and disappeared.

"That buttwad's days are SO numbered!" Dane said angrily.

"Roger that." said Denis in agreement.

* * *

In the grounds of Trinity College in Dublin, Buckaroo Banzai and several of his Hong Kong Cavaliers were gathered around a blue and red Autocad Combat T98 armoured car. It looked as close to a civilian vehicle as it could get.

Also present was former S.C.A.T. commander turned Blue Blaze Irregular Lt. Simms. He and Billy Travers gathered around some communications equipment.

"Just received a transmission from Jack and Jo, Dr. Banzai." Simms reported. "They're nearly here."

"Said they'll be here in less than five minutes." chipped in Billy.

"Good. I'm glad the field test of my new invention went well." said Buckaroo.

"We could give them out to all the racers if we arrange a huge meet, Buckaroo." said 'New Jersey' Zweibel.

"Maybe. But we'll see." said Buckaroo as he admired the college. "A great institution this place. Got a lot of great history behind it."

"The Book of Kells is here, isn't it?" asked Pinky Carruthers.

"That's right." said Rawhide. "Also, Mary Robinson was the first female chancellor as well as the first female president of Ireland. Quite an achievement, huh?"

"Isn't she still president?" asked Perfect Tommy.

"That's Mary McAleese you're thinking of, dumbkopf." said Reno Nevada. "She's been president for more than ten years. It would help if you kept up to date on politics instead of how well your posters have been selling."

"Well, I knew it was a Mary who was president." said Tommy sheepishly. "So, I guess I'm not entirely perfect."

They saw the orange MXT drive into the quad followed by the Rumor. Both vehicles came to a halt and their occupants got out.

"Dr. Banzai?" asked Dom. "What brings you to Ireland?"

"The Cannonballers need help and plenty of it." Buckaroo announced. "The Total Anarchy mask has been stolen from GD's vaults."

"And you remember how much trouble Feng caused last year." Jack said.

"How could I forget?" said Dom. "Chaos and Fury could handle him but it was difficult."

"More trouble?" asked Brian. "This gets better by the minute!"

"Actually it does." said Jo. "We've already sent Professor Hikita ahead to the Four Dragons to inform Mr Yates. And we are giving our frequencies to any and every Cannonballer who is in need."

"Here they are." said Rawhide as he handed a sheet of paper to Vince. "Make sure all the other Cannonballers find out the details."

"We're also giving you some of these." said Simms as he passed them a couple of tubes of the disc objects.

"You can shoot or throw these at any hostiles or drop them in their path." Buckaroo explained. "The green ones are disruptor discs which short out a car's engine. The red ones are miniature mines. Try to use the red ones in emergencies only, okay?"

Dom looked unsurely over the discs but then smiled. "Thanks, doc. Are you going on the race route as well?"

"Yep." said Reno. He gestured to the Autocad. "We're taking the Trio Incarnate here. It acts as an attack vehicle and mobile command centre."

"And we've got the Maria Serpente." said Jo as she nodded at the MXT.

"Nice bit of variety there. Picking a Mexican car." said Vince approvingly.

"It was part of a deal we made with the Mexican government." said Jack. "It's completely modded for this mission."

"Thanks a lot, Dr. Banzai." said Brian.

"Alright! Let's mount up!" said Buckaroo as they headed for their vehicles.

* * *

Elsewhere in Dublin, the Megere wandered aimlessly.

"That tells you where haunted houses are." said David as he drove. "Is that the best one they had?"

"It's alright. I'll find the bridge." said Darryl as he checked his map.

"So, how do we get there?" asked Elizabeth.

"Okay, turn right here at the Paul Hewson house." said Darryl. "Then, make a left at the David Evans house."

"That's the Hewson house?" asked Elizabeth.

They reached an intersection where the Reckless waited, then drove through.

"Are they going to the bridge?" asked Eric.

"I think they are." said Kelso.

"Move, Forman." said Hyde.

Eric followed the Megere. Within a few minutes, they reached an old castle near the docks. Everyone climbed out of their cars.

"I thought this was where the bridge was." said David.

"According to the map it is." said Darryl. "The stupid thing lied to me. Totally not righteous."

"Hey, hey, guys." said Eric. "Do you know where we are? This is the castle used by Nash Gorey to hide out after selling the plans for the MASK vehicles to the Cannonballers."

"Oh yeah, this is where the MASK team found him and rounded him up." said Kelso.

"Boy, I'd kill to live in a place like this." said Fez.

"I thought you wanted to live in a place like your country's president?" said Eric.

"Oh please!" said Fez. "My apartment is better than that dump!"

"Leave it to Darryl to get us lost and find a place from Cannonball history." said Elizabeth.

"Hard to believe this is where Gorey was staying." asked David.

"And after his arrest, it was taken over by a new resident." said an old woman who walked up to them. "There are many local superstitions surrounding him and you would do best to leave this place now."

"Okay." said Fez.

As he returned to the car, a woman's scream was heard.

"What was that?" asked David.

"That was someone who failed to take my advice." said the woman.

"And you're just gonna leave her to die?" asked Hyde. "I don't get old people." He ran into the doorway.

"Someone should help him." said Elizabeth.

"I'm going after him." said David.

"No!" said the woman as Darryl rubbed his temples. "Leave that fool to his chosen fate. The thing that brought that woman's demise will finish him and anyone else as well."

"Yeah." said David. "Look, we don't have time to argue because that guy will be needing backup."

"Dave, I gotta tell you." said Darryl as he stopped rubbing his temples. "I'm getting a major heebie-jeebie vibe from this place. I think we should listen to her."

"What?" said David. "How can you listen to this woman's ranting and ignore a fellow Cannonballer's need?"

"I gotta agree with her, dude." said Darryl. "Don't go in there."

"I'll go." said Elizabeth.

"What?" asked David.

"No body, no harm. Alright?" said Elizabeth.

"Okay, but try to return in ten minutes." said David.

"Fair enough." said Elizabeth. She walked into the castle.

* * *

Near St. Stephen's Green, Banner gathered his forces. They had been joined by Slater, Michaels and LaFours with their vehicles. They were all listening attentively as Banner showed them the Cannonball's Europe route on his computer.

Michaels noisily ate a jelly doughnut as he listened.

"Alright, after they're done with their little pit stop here, they cross the bridge over to England. They enter somewhere around Liverpool and travel south to the English Channel." Banner explained.

"We called in a few favours from the police forces in England" continued Montoya. "They've agreed to set up a roadblock near Dover, to try and stop the racers exiting the UK and heading for Mainland Europe."

"In the unlikely scenario that it doesn't work, we regroup in France and make new plans." said Bullock.

"In France, things could get a bit tricky, as the route then splits in two." explained Amos. "Some racers will go north via Belgium towards Germany, while others will travel towards Spain and Southern Europe. So we'll have to split up then as well."

"Don't matter." said Buford. "We're gonna stay on these sumbitches' butts until we nail 'em. Ain't that right, boys?"

The three new recruits nodded. Michaels then took a big bite out of his donut and squirted some jelly onto Junior's face.

"You sloppy moron!" Junior snapped.

Just then, Junior himself farted.

"AW, GROSS!" said Amos. "I told you to lay off the coffee!"

"Why would that make me fart?" asked Junior.

"To make room for doughnuts." Roscoe replied.

Victoria sat in the Evenflow and shook her head in disgust as she sipped her smoothie.

"Men. They're such pigs." she thought to herself.

Just then, the Reaper and the Firestorm both blew past the group, making the Evenflow shake with the force they were driving with.

Victoria spat out a mouthful of her smoothie in shock, covering a part of her windshield.

"GUYS!" she yelled. "I think it's time to go now!"

"Roger!" Willenholly and Bender said as they headed for their cars.

"Here, don't forget these!" said Slater as he took some pre-wrapped sandwiches out of a cooler and handed them out. "Just so you can keep your energy up."

Buford took his sandwich and was about to open it. He then shrugged.

"I'll save this for later." he said.

* * *

At the Four Dragons, Brock had just met up with Professor Toichi Hikita, an associate of Buckaroo's who had given him the low-down on the theft of the Total Anarchy mask.

"Thanks a lot, professor." Brock said. "It's good to know we have the support of so many people in this mess."

"Indeed. But it looks like we have to get to the bottom of who our enemies are." said the Professor. "You say you recorded that message this John Doe sent you?"

"That's right. Agent Vess is going over it right now, trying to see if it can yield any data." said Brock.

"I'll bring in some of our best computer specialists to help you out." said Hikita. "I just hope it won't be a vain hope that worse will not come to worse."

"You and me both." said Brock.

* * *

Elizabeth navigated the castle. She walked into an upstairs room and found a pale-skinned, blonde-haired woman looking at her.

"Welcome." said the woman.

Elizabeth got confused. "Are you talking to me?" she asked.

"Who else would I be talking to?" asked the woman. "My name is Maeve. Are you a friend of Steven?"

"How can you see me?" asked Elizabeth. "Are you a spirit too?" She swept her hand through Maeve's head then pulled it back.

"Is that supposed to happen?" asked Maeve.

"I don t know." said Elizabeth. "I've never met another spirit before."

"Come." said Maeve. She led Elizabeth through a door.

"Were you the one that screamed?" asked Elizabeth.

"She was." said a man who also had pale skin. "I assume you're friends with Mr Hyde." He pointed to Hyde on a nearby bed. He looked like he was recovering from an injury of some kind.

"Not exactly." said Elizabeth. "He literally doesn't know I'm alive."

"Are you a Cannonballer like him?" asked the man.

"Yeah." said Elizabeth. "What do you know about the Cannonball?"

"They have crossed my path before." said the man. "Even now, as I visit the land of that man who wrote that story about me."

"Who's that? Frank McCourt?" asked Elizabeth.

"No, you should know of this man." said the man. "He wrote a very famous book about me. His name was Bram Stoker."

"Oh, that man." said Elizabeth. "Wait, Bram Stoker? Then, that would make you..."

The man opened his mouth, revealing a pair of fangs. Maeve did the same.

"...Count Dracula." gasped Elizabeth.

"Now, it's your turn to join us." said Dracula.

"Hey, who's the blonde?" asked Hyde as he got up.

"Hyde, you have to leave this place." said Elizabeth. "Your friends are very worried about you."

Hyde opened his mouth, revealing a pair of fangs himself.

"And rightly so, it seems." said Elizabeth.

Maeve stood in front of the door to the room and said "Just try to get past me."

"Okay." said Elizabeth. She then passed through Maeve and the door.

Dracula, Hyde, and Maeve were confused by this. "After her." ordered Dracula.

Maeve opened the door and went after Elizabeth. To her surprise, Elizabeth was nowhere in sight.

Outside the castle, the others waited.

"Elizabeth's deadline is coming up." said David.

"She's not back yet?" asked Eric.

"Not yet." said David.

"I am now." said Elizabeth as she ran over.

"What's going on in there?" asked David.

"Vampires." said Elizabeth. "The place is full of them. That woman who screamed, she's one now. Hyde is too. We have to do something."

"She says we've got a little vampire problem." said David.

"Hyde?" asked Fez.

"One of them." said David.

"I suppose now would be a good time to say I told you so." said the old woman.

"Shut up!" yelled Eric, Kelso, and Fez.

"Yeah, that's most insensitive." said Darryl.

"Wait, isn't there another Cannonballer who specializes in vampire slaying?" asked Kelso.

"Yeah, that Californian girl, Buffy." said Eric.

"Right, we'll get her." said Darryl. "You guys warn the other racers."

* * *

The Four Dragons...

George and Gob paced around their soaked hotel room, trying to work out why the Foyts had accosted them.

"What did they want?" asked Gob.

"They just said that they wanted to get their boss out of prison." said George. "But for what reason? That's the million dollar question."

"If only there were a way to get some straight answers out of them." said Gob.

"You know, the younger one was kind of into you." said George.

"You think so?" asked Gob.

"I know so." said George. "Do you think I made it this far without being able to read a person's feelings? She was into you."

"Okay, it's settled." said Gob. "I'll seduce the truth out of her. Now, I have to find some way of contacting her."

"Wait, one of them said they were both in Orange County Prison." said George. "Maybe Warden Gentiles can give us some information on them."

He started to dial his cell phone.

Downstairs...

"WHAT? They heard me say that?" said Lazlow in disbelief as J.J. and Victor told him about his little insult getting picked up by his mic earlier.

"Yeah, Lazlow. And the network's not happy about it." said Victor. "In fact, they're so pissed off that they've demanded you take a break from announcing for the rest of the continent."

"They reckon that will teach you to be more tactful." added J.J.

"But that's not fair!" Lazlow protested.

"It's your own fault, Lazlow. You should know better than to insult the paying audience." said J.J. "Just be grateful they didn't decide to straight up fire you.".

"Well who's gonna replace me?" Lazlow said indignantly.

"Well, Toni and Thunder Bob could step in." suggested Ron Burgundy.

"Way ahead of you, Ron." said Thunder Bob as he and Toni stepped over to the camera and clipped on microphones.

"Hopefully by the time Africa comes, you'll have learned to keep your mouth shut, Lazlow." smirked Toni.

"Aw, eat it!" grumbled Lazlow as he slinked off in a huff.

"So, guys, where are the Cannonballers now?" asked Thunder Bob.

"They've just crossed the bridge over the Irish Sea and are entering England." said Veronica.

"Can we interview the leader?" asked Toni.

"Knock yourselves out." said Misty as she pointed out the cameraman counting down with his fingers.

Elsewhere at the Four Dragons, four college age men walked through the lobby.

"Here we are, the Four Dragons." said Norman Drabble, a man with brownish-blonde hair.

"This is Cannonball Headquarters?" asked Stu, a man with curly hair and glasses.

"Yeah, and things are in full swing." said Leonard, an African-American man with glasses.

"A prime location for the Blue Dudes to lend their support." said Eljin, a man wearing workout clothes and a sweatband.

"Right, but not now." said Norman. "We should get settled before planning the sign-holding."

* * *

Leading the way into Liverpool was the Primus. Not too far behind it was the Murmur, with Dudley Do-Right's team of protectors keeping up the pace.

"You guys sure are in a hurry." Captain Pierce called over.

"Well, Coil, Fluid and Multi are supposed to be doing a benefit concert at this club in Antwerp, so we gotta get there post haste!" Dudley said over the radio.

"Well, I hope you knock 'em dead. I really like your music." said Pierce.

"Thanks, cap." replied Multi as they turned and headed in the direction of Dover.

As they left, Jerry was talking to Thunder Bob and Toni.

"So you're taking a little side journey into Scotland?" Thunder Bob asked. "Are you sure that's wise, considering how hot the competition just got."

"It'll be fine. I've always wanted to visit Scotland to find out about my family history. My family were from Glasgow originally and came over to the States before World War I." Jerry said. "I'd just love to find out more."

"Glad you're proud of your ancestry." said Toni happily. "Let me know if you run into any cute MALE fans of Love Fist over there."

"Will do." said Captain Pierce as he rolled his eyes.

"So, there you go." said Thunder Bob. "While the rest of the pack heads south, Jerry's heading north into the heart of Caledonia.".

"With his reputation, I bet he'll have no problem catching up." said Toni.

Barenaked Ladies had now taken the stage.

"And on that note, here's some music for all you lovers of 80's music out there, like Toni." said Kevin.

"Are you sure this is an 80's song?" asked Tyler. "It sounded like 'Pinch Me' but with different words.

"Well, never mind that." said Ed as he stepped up to the mic. "Here we go!"

The song began, and Ed half-spoke, half-sung the lyrics as the mellow song required him to.

**Hey, now just get in.**  
**And close the door,**  
**And put your foot down.**

**You know, I like this suburb we're going through.**  
**And I've been around here many times before.**  
**When I was young we were gonna move out this way,**  
**For the clean air, healthy, you know,**  
**Away from the factories and the smoke.**  
**I like that shop, too.**  
**You can get anything there.**

**So just get in,**  
**And we'll go for a ride.**

**'Cos we'll go driving away from home.**  
**Thirty miles or more.**  
**And we'll go moving away from home,**  
**Without a care**

**I'll tell you what.**  
**Why don't we cross the city limit.**  
**And head on down the M62.**  
**It's only thirty nine miles.**  
**And forty five minutes to Manchester.**  
**And that's my birth-place, you know.**

**Driving away from home.**  
**Thirty miles or more,**  
**And we'll go moving away from home Without a care in the world.**

**Driving away from home.**  
**Thirty miles or more.**  
**Yes, we'll go moving away from home.**  
**Without a care.**

**Some of my friends live up North, too.**  
**If you like a longer trip.**  
**All you've got to do is put your foot hard down to the floor,**  
**And we can call on people I know in Newcastle.**  
**Or maybe even Glasgow.**  
**There's a lot of nice places to see out there.**  
**So just don't worry.**

**Moving away from home.**  
**Without a care in the world.**

**Driving away from home.**  
**Thirty miles or more.**  
**Yes, we'll go moving away from home.**  
**Without a care in the world.**

**Move-em on, move-em out, move-em up.**  
**King of the road, knight of the road.**  
**It's all the same to me.**  
**I mean, after all.**  
**It's just a road.**

**Driving away from home.**

**Drivin'...**  
**Driving away from home.**  
**Drivin'...**  
**Driving away from home.**

**Drivin'...**

-"Driving Away From Home" by It's Immaterial.

* * *

In Brock's office, the red light on his desk flashed. That meant this continent's puzzle hunt entrants were ready to enter.

Brock took the call and saw that this time the entrants were the Simpsons, Team Rocket, Team NUMA, Team MASK 2, Team Looney Tunes, and the Drake's team once again.

"Back again, eh, Mr Drake?" asked Brock.

"Well you never said there was a rule against entering the puzzle hunt twice." smirked the Drake.

"Indeed there isn't. Anyway, it's fortunate you called as the first location is in Southern England." said Brock. "I'm going to quote a famous heavy metal song, and when you've guessed the location it's talking about, you'll know where to head."

The six teams listened carefully as Brock began to recite.

"Where the demons dwell, where the banshees live and they do live well. Where a man is a man and the children dance to the pipes of Pan. Where the virgins lie and the prayers of devils fill the midnight sky."

After a short pause he said "Did you get all that?"

"Got it!" chorused the teams.

"Okay, good luck!" said Brock.

"Are the clues always that cryptic?" asked Jessie in frustration. "And he says the place is in England? He mentioned banshees! Everyone knows they come from Ireland!"

"I know where it is, though. I've heard that song a thousand times." smirked Giovanni.

"What was it?" asked James.

"It was 'Stonehenge' by Spinal Tap." said Giovanni. "The song's famous because the model of Stonehenge they had put on the stage when they performed it live was always too small."

"You know the way?" asked Meowth.

"Was Liberace gay?" asked Giovanni mischievously. "Let's go! If we get there first, I'll give you all a raise!"

"Right!" yelled Jessie happily as she sped up the Peligro.

The Kowalski, the Maniac 2, the Thunder Rodd, the Utopia, and the Panama all followed them.

"Might as well have a bit of fun as the next relic is a few continents away." said Pitt.

"It's not like you need another five million though, Dirk." said Gunn.

"He's had his eye on this Tucker Torpedo this classic car dealership back home has." explained Giordino. "You can bet such a rare car won't come cheap, even on his salary."

"Oh. Right." said Gunn.

* * *

A while later in London, Stella parked the Terrific in Piccadilly Circus. A crowd of Londoners gathered around it.

"The locals really seem to be taking to the car." said Charlie as he climbed out.

"What do you expect? It's a Mini." said Stella as she followed. "The only vehicle more British is a double-decker bus."

"Hey, while we're here, can we take a few minutes to stretch our legs?" asked Lyle.

"Sure, good idea." said Charlie. "Stretch your legs, take a pee, eat something. Be back in ten minutes."

"Got it." said Left Ear.

Stella went looking for a food stand. Little did she realize, Charger and Camaro were right behind her in Camaro's field vehicle.

"Are you sure that's her?" asked Charger.

"Her hair's different, but it looks like her." said Camaro.

"Let's do this." said Charger as they got out of the car and followed Stella down the street.

Stella stopped to talk to a man standing on the corner. He wore a shirt for a local soccer team and blue jeans. "Excuse me, do you know where I can find a food stand?" she asked.

The man didn't answer.

"Well, how about a take-out restaurant?" asked Stella.

Still no answer.

"Fine, I'll look for one myself." she said.

That's when Charger and Camaro made their move. Charger grabbed her from behind.

"Hey, let me go!" yelled Stella.

Camaro put a bag over her head and grabbed her legs. They stuffed her into the back of the Camaro and jumped in. The man on the corner did nothing.

Charlie saw the whole thing and ran over. "Hey, that's Stella!" he yelled. "Get back here!"

The Camaro tore out of the parking space with Charlie right behind. The Bisonte drove past and stopped to avoid hitting the Camaro.

"Hey, hey, what's going on?" asked Darius.

Charlie ran over to the window and said "They grabbed Stella. You have to follow them."

"No problem." said Frank.

The Bisonte raced after the Camaro as Charlie turned to the man on the corner. "Thanks a lot, pal!" he yelled. "You were a major help there!"

He then stormed off to find his team-mates. A British royal guard marched past him and stood next to the man on the corner. "Drycleaners wouldn't take a check again, eh, Nigel?" he asked.

"Luckily, I've got an advantage to keeping up with this guy." said Frank. "I used to live here."

"Good, but don't get too close." said Darius. "We don't want them to know they're being followed."

* * *

Priss drove through the London streets at high speed. She went so fast, the scenery seemed to be moving on fast-forward.

Yet, she was able to steer with great skill and manage to avoid any obstacles.

She had headphones on, listening to 'Machinehead' by Bush on her MP3 player. It was clear that she had a great time on the Cannonball.

She got a brief look around and saw some young men doing skateboard stunts on one corner, including one guy doing them on the road before traffic could come along. She smiled under her helmet. London really did look like her kind of town.

As she got ready to cross Tower Bridge, Howard suddenly pulled up alongside her on the Wayfarer.

He tried to keep pace with her but fell behind as he had to recharge his super-speed device.

Priss shrugged and drove on. As the song came to an end, she had made her way to Shepherd's Bush. She brought the Streetfighter to a halt, took her helmet off and turned off her MP3 player.

"Time for a break." she thought to herself. She noticed the Wisdom parked nearby. As Mortimer and Bob both relaxed in the car with a bottle of soda each, Bella got out.

"Don't be too long dear." Mortimer called out.

"Don't worry. This should take a half-hour tops." Bella replied as she approached a nearby pub, advertising Guinness stout on the marquee above the sign.

"Always wanted to try Guinness." she thought to herself. "The only beer so good they named a famous actor after it."

* * *

Minutes after she was kidnapped, Stella was brought to a castle outside of London. Frank parked outside and watched.

Charger and Camaro brought Stella handcuffed and gagged into the castle's dungeon. Stingray waited with a cell phone.

"Good, let's get started." said Stingray. She dialled a number on the cell phone.

* * *

The Ambitious drove through London.

"So, this is London." said Buster.

"Yeah, this is a pretty nice city." said Michael as he drove.

"Say, Michael." said Tobias. "Maybe while we're here, you could look up that English girl you were dating, Rita?"

"Good idea." said Michael sarcastically. "Then maybe you can explain why I thought she was spying on us and had her deported. Isn't that right, Mr. F?"

_**Mr. F.**_

"And I apologize." said Tobias. "I thought he was a CAA agent, not a CIA agent."

Michael's cell phone rang. He answered.

"Hello, this is Michael Bluth."

"Yes, Mr Bluth." said Stingray on the other end. "Is it true that you used to date a woman from Britain named Rita?"

"Yes, why?" said Michael.

"Look at your screen." said Stingray.

Michael looked at the LCD screen on his cell phone. He saw Stella handcuffed and gagged in a chair.

"What do you want?" asked Michael.

"We want your assistance." said Stingray. "Betray the Cannonballers and your former girlfriend lives."

"Give me some time to think about it." said Michael.

"You have one hour." said Stingray. "In the meantime, we'll leave you with this picture to motivate you."

Stingray terminated the call. Michael showed the picture to Buster and Tobias.

"What does this look like to you?" he asked.

"That's Rita. They've got Rita." said Buster.

"Buster, don't be retar...stupid." said Michael.

"That's the blonde girl with the Mini." said Tobias. "Although, I can see why they thought she was Rita."

"I think we'd better do something about this." said Michael.

* * *

As all that had been happening in London, the puzzle hunt teams had made their way to Wiltshire and now approached Stonehenge.

The Panama lead the way as the six vehicles came to a halt near the famous stone circle.

"Hello, what's this?" asked Daffy Duck as he saw a large round table had been set up near the stones, with a sign saying 'challenge here' written on it nearby.

"I never knew King Arthur came to Stonehenge." said Liam.

The teams got out of their vehicles and came over to the table where an official waited.

"Good to see you all here." the official said. "The puzzle hunt challenges in Europe have a special theme to them."

"What sort of special theme?" Venom asked.

The official clapped her hands and a few more members of Cannonball staff appeared, each carrying a plate with a silver dome cover.

"A food theme!" yelled Homer excitedly.

"That's right! For each challenge, you have to eat a dish native to the country you're in." the official said. "You have a ten minute time limit to finish eating, and you have to have your hands tied behind your back when you do it. First one to win within the time limit, or ahead of time, gets the clue. BUT they have to share it with everyone else, so don't worry."

Jessie looked disgusted. "You mean we have to eat like barnyard animals? That's disgusting!"

"Your own table manners when we've found food after blowing our budget aren't much better, Jessie." Meowth said as he and James sniggered.

Jessie took out her fan and whacked the two of them with it.

"This could be a bit of fun." said Pitt. "So long as no-one tries to do a Lardass Hogan during the challenges."

"Oh, thanks for saying that when we're about to eat, jerk!" said Daffy.

"Time out, you guys!" Laura said. "Let's just get down to it and start the challenge."

"I'll go for our team!" said Homer as he sat at the table and put his hands behind his back so they could be tied.

"Okay then. Here is your dish for Great Britain." said the official as the helpers pulled the dome covers off to reveal...

"Fish and chips." the official finished.

"Of course. What could be more English?" asked Lisa.

Jessie looked appalled. "What did they do to the fish? Batter it to death?"

"Watch it, Jessie. It's a national delicacy." warned Giovanni.

"More like a national disaster." Jessie grumbled.

Meowth sighed and took a seat at the table, placing his paws behind his back. "I'll eat it. I could do with a nice bit of fish anyway."

Taz, who had been released from his strait jacket, looked excited. He took the seat for the Looney Tunes team.

"Don't eat too fast, Taz. That would be cheatin'." Bugs said.

Taz nodded to confirm he would eat slowly.

Giordino, Max and Ron all took the seats for their teams and the helpers went to tie their hands behind their backs.

The main official reached into a sports bag and pulled out a chess clock. She set it for ten minutes and then set it in the centre of the table.

"Ready?" she asked as all the volunteers' hands were tied. Everybody at the table nodded.

"GO!" she yelled as she hit the start button on the clock.

* * *

Somewhere else in London, Ford had gone to a local performance shop called Speed Zone.

In the service bay, an African American man looked over the Overlord. He yelped and squealed as he stuck his fist in his mouth.

"Nice ride." said Don. "Right, Caesar?"

"Oh yeah." said the man. "I haven't seen one of these since I left L.A."

"So, can you work some magic?" asked Don.

"Yeah, we'll see." said Caesar. "Depends on your guy's budget."

In the main store, Ford and Jazz talked with a blonde man and a brown-haired woman.

"So then, Don tells me we should try to modify the car somehow." said Ford. "So, here I am. I'm over here now."

"Okay, you came to the right place." said the blonde man, Tony Basilotta. "Caesar's talking to your man right now. I'm certain we can work something out."

"And on that note," said the woman, Sandy Longmore, with a British accent "it's time to figure out what's going into your car. How much are you willing to spend?"

"What can this buy?" asked Ford as he dropped all of his money on the counter.

Tony and Sandy looked through the money. They looked at each other. Tony picked up a purple NOS tank and set it on the counter.

"Oh! Someone thinks he's a comedian!" said Ford.

"I'm serious." said Tony. "This is what your money will get you."

"That's it?" asked Jazz. "That's not going to help!"

"If it would help," said Sandy "you could raise extra cash by entering local street races."

"Street races?" asked Ford.

"Hey, I do alright." said Tony. "You should check with this international street racing crew. They're called the Midnight Club."

"There are different divisions of the club." Sandy added. "And one of them is called the American Royalty club. They drive American muscle cars.".

"Good to know they appreciate a fine machine." beamed Ford.

"There's a chapter of them right here in London." said Sandy. "You could make some decent cash by morning."

"Yeah?" asked Ford. "Alright, let's do this."

Sometime later, Caesar closed the hood of the Overlord and wiped off his hands.

"Okay, your car is now nitrous injected." he said. "Although, I had to detune it a little since you couldn't afford forged pistons and rods."

"What do I need that for?" asked Ford.

"Well, it helps if your nitrous shot doesn't blow up the engine." said Caesar. "So, go on. Win some green. Make me proud."

"Hold on, you should take this." said Sandy as she handed them a PDA. "This will tell you where to find the individual chapters of the Midnight Club. It will also tell you any store locations for Speed Zone."

Ford, Don, and Jazz got into the Overlord and drove off.

"Where first?" asked Jazz.

"Mayfair." said Ford. "We'll kick some ass, then come back for some pistons and rods."

* * *

The Wacky Racers got ready to exit London as the afternoon came. As the Regalo drove along, Baba Louie and Boo Boo had finished downloading a special piece of software from Race Central's website.

"I must say I'm surprised you guys knew about computers." said Ranger Smith. "You're just full of surprises."

"Well, nobody ever sees what goes on between cartoon episodes, do they?" asked Boo Boo.

"Got it!" said Baba Louie. "We've now got the Fuzz Buster program. It'll enable us to detect any nearby police officers."

"Why is it beeping like that?" asked Huckleberry.

"It wouldn't do that unless..." began Quick Draw.

"...there's a cop nearby." finished Cindy.

Yogi quickly brought the Regalo to a halt and shut the engine off. There was no sign of any nearby police cars.

"What's it picking up?" asked Quick Draw.

"Over there." whispered Boo Boo as he glanced out the window.

In an alleyway across from them, the Nightcrawler was parked. Willenholly and Amos were lying in wait for any Cannonballers. Luckily, the Regalo was behind a large set of bushes and hadn't been spotted yet.

Both officers were very tired after the long journey to Europe from the USA and were trying very hard to stay awake. They'd had some coffee but the caffeine was wearing off and they were coming down off it in a hard way.

"How the hell are we supposed to find any Cannonballers out here in the boonies of London?" Willenholly grumbled.

"If it were the city centre it would certainly be easier. I hate being stuck out here!" said Amos.

"You've been completely tense this whole shift" said Willenholly as he stifled a yawn. "What's the problem?"

"You DO know this city has a history of gang violence, right?" asked Amos. "Yardies, triads, the Russian Mob. I can't shake the feeling we'll get jumped if we stay out here."

"That's profiling!" said Willenholly. "It's true, of course, but it's still profiling. Besides, WE'VE got guns as well. I think we're in more danger of dying of boredom here, though."

"I'm putting the radio on. Might relieve the tedium." said Amos as he leaned forward.

"Quick, senor Yogi, give me that mood music CD you brought." said Baba Louie.

"What are you going to do?" asked Cindy.

"Have a little fun." said Baba Louie. He inserted the CD into his laptop, making sure he had the sound on it turned off. He then pressed play and quickly entered a code.

Within seconds, the disco tune that had been playing on the Nightcrawler's radio was replaced by the ambient sound of 'Sadness, Part 1' by Enigma.

"What the hell's this?" asked Amos.

"Very relaxing." said Willenholly as he listened to it. "It's making me really chill out."

"Yeah, me too." said Amos as he stretched a bit. "I'm feeling very tired. I know it's been a long day, but I hope I can stay up."

"Don't worry. Maybe the next song will have more oomph to it." said Willenholly as he too got a bit tired.

The next track came on. It was 'Songbird' by Kenny G.

"Oh, boy. Synths and saxophones. A deadly combination." said Amos as he felt his eyelids start to get heavy.

"Well, I'm still wide awake." said Willenholly.

Amos slumped over and went to sleep.

After a pause, Willenholly shrugged. "What the hell?" he sighed. He too fell asleep.

The Wacky Racers high-fived each other. "Well done there, Baba Louie." said Quick Draw. "I'm glad I DID let you do some thinkin' for once."

"Okay, now let's go." said Huckleberry.

"We're gone!" said Yogi as he pulled the Regalo out slowly and silently.

* * *

As the sun shone on Glasgow, the Primus drove through the city centre.

"Beautiful city." said Captain Pierce. "I bet you can't wait to take part in some old Scottish traditions, right, Jer?"

Jerry checked his watch as he pulled into a multi-storey car park. "We'll do the whole lot."

As the afternoon progressed, Jerry posed for a photograph wearing a traditional Scottish piper's outfit, complete with kilt and bagpipes.

A while later, he sat in the lounge of a local hotel with Pierce. Both were reading famous literature from Scotland.

Jerry was engrossed in a copy of 'Kidnapped' by Robert Louis Stevenson while Pierce read a book of poetry by Robert Burns.

Later, the two men sat at a restaurant table. In front of each of them was the Scottish dish haggis. Jerry was enjoying his, washing it down with a cool glass of Famous Grouse whiskey.

When he wasn't looking, Pierce pushed his own plate away in disgust.

Later still, the two team-mates sat in the bar and laughed along with the rest of the patrons to a Billy Connolly live show that was being broadcast.

Jerry thoroughly enjoyed himself, and so did Pierce.

"I wonder how the race is going, though." Pierce thought to himself.

* * *

The Firestorm drove away from a costume shop near Covent Green. The Doctor looked very happy.

Amy now wore her kissagram policewoman's uniform and Rory wore a male English policeman's uniform, which they had bought from the shop.

"I don't know why I let you talk me into this." sighed Rory.

"Well, think about it. If we all pretend to be police officers it could alleviate a lot of trouble." the Doctor smirked.

"I thought I could see the wheels turning in your mind when that happened, Doctor." said Amy. "But it better work, or you're in for a thick ear."

"I can believe that." said the Doctor.

"Why do you get to be the plainclothes cop anyway?" Rory moaned.

"Amy, you put up with his whining every day?" The Doctor said in amazement.

Amy reached over and clipped the Doctor's ear. "Just drive, okay?" she snapped.

"Take a chill pill, for Heaven's sake." the Doctor grumbled.

* * *

At the castle, AMX and Stingray watched television.

"This show looks familiar." said AMX.

"That's probably because they made an American version of it." said Stingray.

"Doesn't anyone in America have any originality anymore?" asked AMX. "It seems like the Brits really are smarter than us."

"All but one." said Stingray as she pointed in Stella's direction.

Neither watched Stella as she slid back to a table and felt around for something. She found an Allen wrench and picked it up. She used it to pick one of her cuffs. As soon as it was off, she brought her hands in front of herself and picked the other cuff. She then took off the gag and walked over to the cell where AMX and Stingray watched television and closed the door, locking it.

AMX turned and ran for the door. "Hey!" he yelled when he found out it was locked.

Stella just waved to him and ran. She whispered to herself "Why did they kidnap me and why did they use security measures that wouldn't stop a ten-year-old?"

* * *

Back at Piccadilly Circus, Charlie's team had been joined by Michael Bluth's and Nick Kang's teams. Lyle checked the computer for Rita's profile.

"This better be good. We're losing positions here!" said Marcus.

"It's no big deal if we lag behind in just ONE country, you know!" Nick replied. "Get your priorities straight!"

"Here she is." said Lyle as Rita's profile came up.

Charlie ran over and passed a drycleaner with a royal guard's uniform in the window.

"Yeah, that's her." said Michael. "That's Rita."

"Holy shit, she looks just like Stella." said Charlie. "She just has a different hairstyle and a hat."

"Also, this Rita girl is British and an MRF." said Lyle.

"What's an MRF?" asked Marcus.

"Mentally Retarded Female." said Lyle.

"We often joke that's why she went out with him in the first place." said Tobias.

Michael turned to him and said "Now, would you like to explain why she got deported, Tobias?"

_"I'll explain. While Michael was dating Rita Leeds, it came to the Bluth family's attention that a mole known as Mr. F was leaking information to the CIA. When Michael saw Rita's medical bracelet read 'MRF', he assumed she was the mole and reported her to the authorities. Unfortunately, he didn't realize until later that Mr. F was none other than Mr. Funke."_

"Looks like they tried to force you to do their bidding by kidnapping Rita." said Nick. "Unfortunately, they grabbed Stella by mistake."

"They probably should have checked more current information." said Lyle. "According to this, Rita returned to southern California last month."

"But Stella is here now." said Charlie. "Nick, Marcus, you're specialist cops. You're bound to have dealt with hostage situations before. So this kind of falls within your area of expertise. Any ideas?"

"Have you heard from Frank yet?" asked Marcus.

"Yes, he called and told me they took her to a castle outside of town." said Left Ear. "We can be there in minutes."

"Great." said Marcus. "Let's go there."

"Got it." said Charlie.

"You know, I'm partially to blame for this." said Michael. "So, I think I can help out in some way."

"Good man, Michael." said Tobias.

"And since you also have a hand in this, you're helping too." said Michael.

"Uh, I'm innocent in this, so..." said Buster.

"Sorry, you're helping too." said Michael.

"Dammit!" yelled Buster.

The teams climbed into their cars and drove off. On their way, they passed a procession of royal guards in uniform...except for Nigel, who still wore street clothes.

* * *

Back in Glasgow, Jerry and Captain Pierce had finally found the time to visit the Hall of Records.

"Now to find out some family history." Jerry said as he searched through the hall's computer database.

"There it is." said Captain Pierce as he pointed it out. "Davis. Right there. Had a big farmhouse outside the town in the 1700's before moving to the States in 1909."

"Thanks, cap." said Jerry as he opened the page and read its' contents out loud.

"The Davis family owned a farm on the outskirts of town where they raised livestock and harvested crops. The farm was founded in 1759, shortly after they emigrated from...Wales."

Jerry looked completely stunned as he read the last bit.

Ten minutes later...

"Hold on tight, cap! We're outta here!" said Jerry as he started up the Primus and performed a burnout leaving its' parking space.

"So where are we going?" asked Pierce.

"Cardiff." replied Jerry.

Pierce stared in disbelief. "You are damn near certifiable, you know that?"

* * *

Back at Stonehenge, the chess clock's alarm went off as the eating contest came to an end.

"Time's up!" said the official. "Let's see how you did."

Homer and Meowth had both completely cleared their plates. Max and Giordino still had a few chips left and Taz had left a bit of fish uneaten. Ron had dropped out because the fish had disagreed with him.

"Oh, god. Never again!" groaned Ron.

"Wuss." Homer said.

One of the helpers came over and whispered into the official's ear.

The official nodded and gave an announcement as the contestants' hands were untied.

"I've just been informed that Mr. Simpson finished first, with Meowth not too far behind." she said. "So, therefore, Team Simpsons get the clue."

She presented an envelope to the rest of the Simpson family.

"Wow! I never saw someone beat Taz like that when it comes to eating!" Bugs exclaimed.

"First time for everything I guess." Daffy said as the others rejoined their teams and gathered around Marge as she opened the envelope.

She read it aloud. "The next location is in France. It has a library that used to belong to the mother of the three monarchs under whose rule the Huguenots suffered. Good hunting."

A few of the puzzle hunt members sighed.

"I wish I'd done history in school." said James.

"Don't worry. We'll figure it out." said the Drake. "We've got between here and France to figure it out."

"Hey, Bart. You learned a lot on your exchange trip to France." said Lisa. "Do you know where they're talking about?"

Bart smirked. "You mean for once you don't have the answer?" he said teasingly.

"Come on, boy. Where are they talking about?" growled Homer.

"Hold on." said Bart as he concentrated. He then started sorting through French history facts he had learned.

"I DID learn a lot." he said. "This could take a while."

"What, are you doing a Google search in your head or something?" asked Liam.

"Well, look. Let's just get going." said Laura. "We know we have to keep them in sight until they solve it so we can follow them anyway."

"Okay. To la belle France, then." said the Drake as the teams went back to their cars. Bart still had his eyes shut, concentrating.

* * *

The Megere parked outside London.

"You called her, right?" asked Elizabeth.

"Yeah, she'll be here." said David.

"Here she comes." said Darryl.

The Usagi pulled in behind them and Buffy, Jordan, and Veronica climbed out.

"Ouch, major black aura." said Darryl.

"Yeah, this girl's got cruel intentions." said Elizabeth.

"Okay, what's this about vampires?" asked Buffy.

"We encountered them in Dublin." said David. "They've taken a woman from Ireland and one of the Cannonballers."

"Which one?" asked Veronica.

"Steven Hyde from the Wisconsin team in the Charger." said Darryl.

"Well, where's the rest of his team?" asked Jordan.

"Off warning everybody else." said David.

"Okay, I'll help you." said Buffy. "But only because it's my duty. Jordan, Veronica, you two can stay in the car if you want."

"Hey, I'm coming with you." said Veronica.

"We came as a team, we go in as one." said Jordan.

"Well, if you really want to." said Buffy. "I guess I really can't stop you."

"Thank her." said Elizabeth.

"Thank you, Buffy." said David. "You're doing us a great service."

"No problem." said Buffy. "So, how are we tracking these vamps?"

David and Elizabeth looked at each other confused. "That would have been a good thing to know beforehand." said David.

"Wait, I think I can sense them." said Darryl.

"THAT'S how we're tracking them?" asked Veronica. "Vampires of the world beware."

Just then, a call came over their radio.

"Hello? Is Buffy Summers there?" Buckaroo's voice asked.

Buffy looked confused but picked up the radio.

"Dr. Banzai? Is that you?" she asked.

"Yes it is. I admit that I overheard the call on the wire about vampires." Buckaroo said. "I just want to let you know that we can help. I have an expert here who's fought vampires before."

"That's me." Simms' voice came over the radio. "After S.C.A.T's little excursion at the Martin house, we adapted a few weapons that guy Weird Eddie invented. We think they could be of great help."

Buckaroo came back over the line again. "I'm emailing our frequency to your on-board computer. Don't be afraid to ask if you need help, okay?"

Buffy and her team thought about it.

"Okay, Doc. We'll keep you posted." Buffy said. "But we don't want any non-racers to get hurt. So let us try this ourselves first."

"Just letting you know the offer's open." Buckaroo said. "Good luck. And don't forget: wherever you go, there you are."

Buckaroo signed off.

* * *

The Terrific, Ambitious, and Supernova XS pulled up in front of the castle where the Bisonte was parked. The Cannonballers inside climbed out. Frank and Darius walked over.

"So, what's the plan?" asked Darius.

"We're letting Lyle find the floor plan of the castle." said Charlie.

"When he does that, I thought we'd try to determine where Stella is being held." said Nick. "After that, we make our way past the guards, rescue Stella, and get out."

"Guys?"

Everybody turned to see Stella coming towards them.

"Okay, new plan." said Marcus. "Stella gets in the car and we go."

"Sounds fine to me." said Stella.

"Absolutely brilliant." said Frank.

"That was a freebie." said Michael.

* * *

Near Hammersmith, Mr. Chairman and Yuri had parked their stolen Tesla Roadster near a large building, where they had a meeting with some more unscrupulous individuals.

Yuri looked angry as he had heard how Stella had escaped the Killer Cars.

"Is this what we pay these fools for? Ineptitude?" he snapped.

"Oh, give it a rest!" Mr. Chairman said as he turned to face their companions. "As you can see, lady and gentlemen, things have been a bit tougher than expected in the Cannonball for my associates and I. However, we still have the resources to meet your financial needs if you help us. And we don't stint those who aid us in any way."

His audience consisted of the oddly dressed Darius and his street racing crew, the Stacked Deck, from the US city of Palmont.

The team consisted of the Asian-American tuner favouring Kenji, the exotic car driving Wolf and, the group's only woman, the muscle car driving Angie. They all had hungry expressions. Since their defeat back in Palmont, they had been itching to show they could still handle themselves on the road.

The other four present were four African-American men with bleached blond hair. They were members of the notorious Washington D.C. gang the Golden Lords. The members were the leader Simon Caine, his second-in-command Goldilocks, triggerman Uzi and the huge muscle man Digit.

"I can sense that all of you would really like to show the Cannonballers what for, so to speak." said Yuri as he joined Mr. Chairman at the table's edge. "We need the extra help and I have no doubt that you will stop at nothing to get back at these morons who reap rewards while your own reputations in your hometowns have gone down the drain.".

"You bet your ass we are." said Darius. "I'll show those assholes that the Stacked Deck may have been down but we're not out!"

Angie, Wolf and Kenji nodded in agreement.

"And that goes for us too." said Simon. "Especially if we have a chance at getting back at Meteor Man if he shows his face!"

"YEAH!" growled Digit.

"Alright then. You will aid our other field agents. While they try to get their acts together, you head out and help." said Mr. Chairman. "We've uploaded the two race routes to your respective GPS'. Now then, be on your way."

"And show no mercy!" said Yuri. "You have our permission to divide and conquer the Cannonballers if you feel the need to."

"Right." smirked Angie. "That gives me an idea."

"You can try it out in the field." said Darius as the two groups exited the board room.

"So, what do we do now then?" asked Mr. Chairman.

"Big Boss told me over the phone that he's setting up an office in Antwerp." said Yuri. "Some Cannonballers are going that way. We'll make a plan of attack there."

"Alright then." said Mr. Chairman. "Let's go."

* * *

Back in the United States, Sheriff Baxter addressed his men.

"As you can see, the Cannonballers are currently in Europe." he said. "They are not projected to return to the United States for quite some time. But when they do, we'll be ready for them. You are all now united into a task force known as the Cannonball Run Assault Patrol."

"Uh, doesn't that abbreviate to..." asked one man.

"Yes." said Baxter quietly. "Additionally, we have our research and development division working on several new weapons and equipment to give us an edge over the Cannonballers. We also have tacticians working on new plans. I'm certain that with your assistance, justice shall prevail."

He left the briefing and went to the testing facility. As he entered, he asked "So, what's new and exciting?"

"Take a look at this." said a technician. "As you're no doubt aware..."

"But you're telling me anyway?" said Baxter.

"...beanbag ammunition doesn't have the best range." said the technician. "But we need it as using lethal force over glorified speeders would probably generate a massive outcry. Our solution was to develop a beanbag launcher with improved range and we've built it into the Crusader."

He motioned to a black Chevrolet Thriftmaster pickup with yellow and red flames.

"Would you like a demonstration?" asked the technician.

"Of course." said Baxter.

"Okay." said the technician. He picked up a square, wooden frame with a canvas target nailed to it and walked twenty yards from the Crusader. He held the target in front of his chest and yelled "Test fire one!"

A man in the Crusader flipped a few switches and the shotgun-like weapon rose from the front fender. Baxter watched intently.

"Ready, fire!" yelled the technician.

The man in the Crusader pushed a button and the gun discharged. A beanbag hit the target twenty yards away and bounced off.

"Nice!" said Baxter.

"I thought you'd like it." said the technician.

"I do." said Baxter. "Can I see that again?"

"Certainly." said the technician. "He wants another one!"

The man in the Crusader nodded and flipped the switches again. The technician held up the target again.

"Ready, fire!" yelled the technician.

The man in the Crusader pushed the firing button and fired another beanbag. This time, he missed the target and hit the technician in the groin. The technician let out a howl as he dropped the target and fell to the ground holding his crotch.

"Other than the follow-up shot, not bad." said Baxter. "Just work out that little kink and we've got something."

* * *

A few hours later, the Nightcrawler still sat in the London alleyway it had been parked in. Amos and Willenholly began to stir from their sleep.

Amos sang some of 'Booty Time', the big hit by his former band Disco Express, in his sleep.

Willenholly stretched and yawned as he woke up first. As he got a quick glance at his watch, he suddenly looked panicked. He began to shake Amos' shoulder.

"Amos! Wake up!" he yelled.

"No school." mumbled Amos.

"Amos!" yelled Willenholly.

"Wha-wha-what?" asked Amos as he awoke with a start.

"We must have fallen asleep." said Willenholly.

"WHAT?" yelled Amos.

"I said..." began Willenholly.

"No, no." said Amos. "I don't mean 'what' as in 'I didn't hear you'. I mean 'what' as in 'what the hell is going on'!"

"It was that damn music the station got stuck on. It put us to sleep!" said Willenholly.

"Banner's gonna skin us!" Amos yelled. "We'd better get going before the Cannonballers get across the channel."

"Right." said Willenholly as he turned the key in the Nightcrawler's ignition. The engine refused to turn over. He grunted and tried it again. There was still no result. He tried it one last time, but still nothing happened.

Willenholly leaned back in his seat and sighed deeply.

"What is it?" asked Amos.

"The battery's dead." said Willenholly.

"What do you mean 'the battery's dead'?" asked Amos.

Willenholly glared at him. "I mean it's voting for Ralph Nader! What do you THINK I mean?" Willenholly yelled. "It has expired! It has ceased to live! It no longer has vital functions! THE FRIGGIN' BATTERY IS FLAT!"

(AN: that last piece of dialogue was based on 'Pineapple Express', NOT the Monty Python Dead Parrot sketch.)

Amos looked stunned. He then realised. "It's because we fell asleep with the radio on. It drained the battery."

"Do ya think so?" Willenholly said sarcastically.

"Oh, this is friggin' beautiful!" Amos said grumpily.

"Wait here. I'll go find a mechanic." said Willenholly as he got out.

"Well I'm sure as hell not going anywhere else!" Amos called after him.

* * *

As Veronica drove the Usagi, Jordan got on her laptop while she dialled her cell phone.

"Who are you calling?" asked Buffy.

"Someone who can help us." said Jordan. "What time is it in Boston?"

At the Boston Medical Examiner's office, a tall, thin man with neck-length black hair answered the phone. "Boston Medical Examiner's office, Nigel Townsend speaking." he said in a British accent.

"Hey, Nigel." said Jordan.

"Jordan, how's the race going?" asked Nigel. "Where are you right now?"

"I'm somewhere in Southern England." said Jordan. "We're in each other's birthplaces."

"How ironic." said Nigel. "What can I help you with?"

"I need you to look into a particular structure in Dublin." said Jordan.

"And what do I get in return?" asked Nigel.

"I'll set you up with someone." said Jordan. "She can give you as much information about vampires as possible."

"Ooh, that's blackmail." said Nigel.

"The structure is Riley Castle." said Jordan. "I need to know who the owner is and any connection to a woman named Maeve."

"Checking." said Nigel as went to work on his computer.

"How long is this going to take?" asked Veronica.

"Got something." said Nigel.

"Would you like fries with that?" asked Jordan.

"The castle was purchased just a few days ago by an Alexander Lucard." said Nigel. "And guess what the name of the real estate agent was?"

"It was Maeve, wasn't it?" said Jordan.

"Maeve O'Riordan to be exact." said Nigel. "I'm looking into her a little more."

"Buffy, do you know of a vampire named Alexander Lucard?" asked Jordan.

"Don't recognize it." said Buffy.

"Luckily, it was daytime when the Cannonballers left Dublin." said Jordan. "Since it's only been night for a couple of hours, they couldn't have gone far since then."

"Don't be too sure about that." said Nigel.

"What's wrong?" asked Jordan.

"I just did some more checking into Maeve O'Riordan's credit card account." said Nigel.

"I'd really rather not know why you did that!" said Jordan.

"She recently used it at a modification garage." said Nigel. "Strangely, the only modification she purchased was window tinting."

"Make, model, and color?" asked Jordan.

"It's a Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution." said Nigel. "Ooh, she got it in silver pearlescent."

"Keep your eyes open for a silver pearlescent Evo with tinted windows." said Jordan. "In all likelihood, it'll have a white oval with 'IRL' on the rear."

"Got it." said Veronica.

* * *

Race Central...

"Okay, people. Our racers are now well on the way to the South of England and the English channel." said Ron Burgundy.

"And we've got a very special surprise for you now." said Misty. "Joining us to commentate on the race right now is none other than President Baxter Harris."

The clueless president stepped in front of the camera and waved as he took a microphone.

"Good to see you, Mr. President." Veronica said. "So, what, if I may ask, made you decide to do commentary here?"

"Well, I had nothing better to do to be honest." said Baxter. "Even in a city like Las Venturas, one gets tired of the blackjack table and the brilliant escort services eventually."

Harris chuckled a bit while the others looked a bit nervous.

"Thank you, Mr. President." said Misty as a sweat drop appeared on her face.

"Anyway, live from Chatham in England now with a news feed is Wes Mantooth. Let's check in with him." said Ron.

On the screen before them, they saw the view from Mantooth's chopper.

"Thank you, central. As you can see, our racers are now really giving their all to leave the United Kingdom behind." said Wes as his camera got a close up of the Cowboy and Giselle running nearly nose to nose through the streets.

"Right now, both Memphis Raines and Minnie Mouse are in a stiff competition to reach Dover first." Wes continued

As the four anchors watched, Harris looked very concerned.

"Hey, you guys." he said. "Do my eyes deceive me or does Mr. Raines' Mustang sound a bit rough?"

"HUH?" Ron, Veronica and Misty said at his nonsensical remark.

"Just saying that maybe he should pull into a gas station soon. That's all." Harris shrugged.

On the screen, Giselle began to weave a bit as Minnie fought to keep her under control but still kept the lead.

"Looks like the first lady of Disney is having a spot of bother there, guys." Wes commented.

"Yes it does." said Misty. "Any ideas what it could be guys?"

"I can't imagine what kind of problem it is Minnie's having." said Harris. After a brief pause, he then added "But I imagine it must be some sort of grip problem."

The other three looked confused again.

"Well, they've travelled thousands of miles already. Wear and tear on tyres is bound to set in eventually." Baxter added.

"Okay. Thank you, Mr. President." said Ron, still nervous about Harris' eccentricity. "Will you be back to commentate before Toni and Bob come back from their break?"

"Sure." said Harris. "Brock said I could after I had a talk with him. It's amazing what five simple words from me to him can do."

"Oh? What were those five words?" asked Veronica.

Harris smiled. "I can have you killed." he said.

Ron, Misty and Veronica looked appalled as Harris chuckled again and wandered off, oblivious to the fact he had just freaked everybody out.

* * *

As the Falcon drove through Canterbury, Kent, Jay, and Silent Bob admired the view.

"Isn't that famous priest or something from Canterbury, Brodie?" Jay asked.

"Are you being serious?" asked Brodie as he raised an eyebrow.

They heard the sound of two racing engines coming up on them. Brodie looked in his rear-view and was surprised to see that it wasn't Cannonballers coming up on them.

It was a silver 2008 Audi A4 and a white 2007 Honda Civic, coming up fast.

The tuner and the exotic got on either side of the Falcon and Brodie's team could see Darius and Angie in the Audi and Wolf and Kenji in the Civic.

"Follow us!" Kenji yelled as he pointed the way.

Brodie looked at Jay and Silent Bob. The two of them shrugged. Brodie sighed to himself and followed the four members of the Stacked Deck as they overtook him.

The Falcon was lead into a dilapidated train yard. All three cars came to a stop and their occupants got out.

"Okay? What was it you wanted?" asked Brodie.

"We know who you are, pal." said Darius. "You're the Cannonballer who's become Captain Chaos this year."

"You really think you're hot shit because of that dumb mask, don't ya?" sneered Kenji.

"We're willing to bet you're useless behind the wheel without it!" Angie added.

"Hey, now wait a goddamn..." Jay began.

"Shut up!" Wolf yelled as he and Angie pulled out guns. "We don't wanna hear a peep out of you two junkies."

He nodded to Silent Bob and added "Especially you."

"So, here's how it's gonna be, Captain Loser." Darius sneered at Brodie. "You and Kenji here are going to have a little race around this yard, out onto the main road, and then back here. YOU, leave the mask behind for the race. See if your so-called skills are up to much."

"The winner gets to continue on their way." said Wolf. "The loser..."

"Now listen carefully, Bruce, because this is the part that really concerns you." chipped in Angie.

"...quits the race for good and let's some talented racers head to the rest of Europe." finished Wolf.

Brodie narrowed his eyes. "And suppose I don't feel like doing it?"

Wolf and Angie cocked their guns. Brodie immediately got their meaning and he swallowed hard.

"Alright, then. I've no wish to be a spoilsport. Let's go." he said as he got back into the Falcon and Kenji headed for his Civic.

* * *

"Okay. With Great Britain nearly done and dusted, let's check in with Team Primus and see how Mr. Davis' little side trip has gone." said Toni as an image of Jerry appeared on the screen.

Jerry drove at very high speeds and Captain Pierce once again looked afraid for his life.

"Why the rush, Jerry?" asked Thunder Bob.

"There was a mix-up." Jerry said. "It turned out that I'm really Welsh after all that.".

"Holy cow!" said Thunder Bob. "So what's the plan of action now?"

"I'm taking another little detour. This time to Wales."

"Whoa! Do you think you can catch up with the pack when it's over?" asked Toni.

"Never mind that!" said Pierce. "Do you think we can get there without having an accident?"

"Cap, we'll be fine. I assure you." smirked Jerry.

"How about a little music to soothe your mind, Jer?" asked Jimmy Pop of the Bloodhound Gang as they and Bowling For Soup took the stage.

"Hell yeah, guys!" said Jerry. "I've always wanted to hear how you guys would sound in a duet."

"We've picked a song dear to your heart, Jerry." said Chris Burney as he and Daniel P. Carter slung on their guitars. The Yin and Gary Wiseman took their seats behind the drums and Erik Chandler and Jared Hasselhoff got their basses ready.

Jimmy Pop picked up his rhythm guitar and Q-Ball took his place at the turntables.

"It's really creepy how much this song seems to be about this guy, isn't it?" asked Gary.

"Maybe it's not about him. Maybe it's just about someone like him." Daniel replied.

"Yeah, VERY like him!" Jared said sarcastically. "It's about a racer named Jerry who drives a 442 and a retired fire chief from Virginia called Captain Pierce, you retard!"

"Hey, enough, okay?" said Erik. "Ready when you are, Jaret and Jimmy."

"Okay. On three." Jimmy said. He then suddenly yelled "THREE!"

Erik and Jared started out on their basses. They were soon joined by Gary and the Yin on drums and Chris and Daniel on guitars as they began the intro. Q-Ball kept the beat going as well as Jaret started singing.

**Jerry was a race car driver.**  
**And he drove so goddamned fast.**  
**He never did win no checkered flag,**  
**But he never did come in last.**

**Jerry was a race car driver.**  
**He'd say "El Solo #1!"**  
**With a Bocephus sticker on his 442,**  
**he'd light 'em up just for fun.**

Both Jaret and Jimmy did a funky dance as the first instrument break came in. After this, Jimmy took over vocals.

**Captain Pierce was a fireman.**  
**Richmond engine #3.**  
**I'll be a wealthy man when I get a dime.**  
**for all the things that man taught to me.**

**Captain Pierce was a strong man.**  
**Strong as any man alive.**  
**It stuck in his craw that they.**  
**Made him retire at the age of 65.**

He resumed dancing with Jaret. As the bridge approached, both Jaret and Jerry yelled into their microphones.

**GO!**

The second part of the bridge came in, with both bands enjoying themselves thoroughly as Daniel and Chris roared through the lead breaks. Q-Ball provided additional vocal effects.

**Dog will hunt!**

Jaret and Jerry did a dual vocal on the final verse.

**Jerry was a race car driver.**  
**22 years old.**  
**One too many cold beers one night.**  
**And wrapped himself around a telephone pole.**

**Go.**

-'Jerry Was A Race Car Driver' by Primus.

As the two bands finished the song, the crowd in the Four Dragons went wild.

"That was great, guys. And let's indeed hope that the Primus is fast enough to catch up with the rest of the Cannonballers when Jerry's little side trip is over." said Ron as he stood with Veronica, Misty, and President Harris.

"I have no doubt it's a powerful machine." said Harris. "Just goes to show you how important the car is in automotive racing."

The others looked weirded out again.

"What planet is this guy from?" Misty thought to herself.

* * *

Back at the train yard in Canterbury, the Falcon and the Civic had lined up in front of a spray-painted starting line.

Brodie kept his eyes on the road ahead as he revved his engine. He glanced over at Kenji, who scowled and gave him the finger.

"He seems nice enough." Brodie said to himself sarcastically.

Angie stepped out in front of the two cars in order to start the race. To mock Brodie even more, she held the Chaos mask to use it instead of a scarf to signal the start.

Wolf and Darius kept Jay and Silent Bob covered with their guns as Brodie and Kenji revved their engines.

After a tense few seconds, Angie waved with the mask and the race began.

As the Falcon accelerated, Brodie managed to get a slight lead on Kenji and fought to keep it as they went into the first turn.

Kenji grunted to himself and poured on his own speed, pushing his Civic to its highest velocity.

"COME ON, ASSHOLE!" Kenji yelled at Brodie as he got a slight lead.

Brodie shifted gears and got a bit more speed up and got slightly ahead, but only for a few seconds.

Kenji moved forward and led by a nose-length.

"Damn, this guy's good." Brodie said to himself. "But I can do better!"

Brodie shifted into high gear and got the Falcon up even faster as the two cars moved through a long and empty warehouse.

Kenji fought to try and get a lead on Brodie but Brodie was determined not to let him win.

As they blew out the other side of the warehouse, they went through an open gate and out onto the main road. As they turned a hard right and roared back down the road on the half-mile stretch towards the entrance to the yard, the Opus passed in the opposite direction.

LaFours had got a good look at Brodie in the Falcon and remembered the trouble the latest Captain Chaos had caused him. He performed a wild U-turn and drove off after the Falcon and the Civic.

He smiled to himself, as even if he didn't catch Brodie, he could at least nail another speeder.

"Not bad, Kenji, not bad." said Brodie to himself. "But not good either!"

LaFours got behind the two of them and turned on his lights and siren.

"Whoops!" Brodie laughed to himself as he saw the Opus approaching.

Kenji looked back to see the Opus coming. Brodie used Kenji's brief moment of distraction to take the lead.

Back in the yard, Darius looked frustrated. "What's taking them so long?"

"Maybe we should just waste these jerks now and be done with it." said Wolf as he prodded Silent Bob with his gun.

"No! We wait!" Darius yelled.

As the Falcon and the Civic approached a hard turn on their way back to the entrance to the yard, both were now right alongside each other.

"Come on, jack! Let's get it on! COME ON!" yelled Kenji.

"YEAH! LET'S GO FOR IT!" Brodie yelled back as he approached the turn. In his head, time seemed to slow down.

"I can make it!" he thought to himself. "I can make it!"

As they got to the turn, Brodie made a quick swerve and drifted effortlessly through the turn and got the lead.

Kenji tried the same move, but the back end of his Civic was clipped by the Opus as it caught up.

"AW, SHIT!" Kenji yelled as he went off the road and his car bounced a bit on the rough countryside as it came to a halt.

Brodie yelled to himself in delight as he went back through the entrance to the train yard and won the race.

"Son of a bitch!" Kenji grumbled to himself as LaFours got out of the Opus and approached the Civic with a pair of handcuffs ready.

As the Falcon roared back through the yard towards the others, Jay and Silent Bob cheered in delight as they saw Brodie had won. Darius, Angie and Wolf looked despondent as the Falcon performed another drift and came to a halt in front of them.

"YEAH! YOU KICKED THAT LITTLE BITCH'S ASS, MAN! SNOOTCHIE BOOTCHIES!" Jay yelled as he did a little victory dance.

Jay then turned to Silent Bob and said "Seriously, I didn't think I could last there. Being that quiet for that long. I don't know how you can do it."

Silent Bob just shrugged.

Brodie got out and approached the Stacked Deck members as they put their guns away.

Brodie held out his hand for the Chaos mask.

"Where the hell's Kenji?" asked Wolf.

"I lost him on the final turn, and as you may have heard, a cop got involved. Check your nearest barred window motel." Brodie said smugly.

Angie grunted and handed over the Chaos mask.

"So, I guess I am a good driver with or without this." said Brodie as he took the mask.

"Enjoy it while it lasts." Darius grumbled. "Somewhere out there, there's someone faster than you. And sooner or later, they're gonna catch up."

"Let's get the hell out of here." said Wolf grumpily as the three Stacked Deck members headed for Darius' Audi.

Jay and Silent Bob came over to Brodie and the three of them did a three-way high five and howled.

* * *

The Cannonballers had just about reached Dover as the early evening came. Herbie, the Vulcano, Avenger, and Sorcerer all approached the coastal town.

Just as they were about to make a turn, Tanner had caught sight of the roadblock beyond a clump of trees.

The four vehicles came quietly to a stop.

"Oh, that's creative! A roadblock!" grumbled Tanner sarcastically as he looked at the roadblock.

The Starbreaker, Jawbreaker, Speed Demon, Aggressor, and Evenflow were all parked across the road. So were numerous British police cars with their assigned officers near them, with side arms ready. In addition to that, there were two large tractor trailers behind them, completely blocking the entrance to the town.

"We've gotta find a way around it." said Tobias.

"I know." Tanner said as he tapped his head. "Think, Tanner, think!"

"You better think fast. The others will soon be coming this way." said the Punisher.

Nina and Anna had their eyes on the roadblock with their binoculars. "Lara? Guys? we've got an idea." announced Nina.

"What is it?" asked Mickey.

"A little adaptation to our little ticket-avoiding routine." said Anna. "See those two in the trucks?"

Joanna took the binoculars and saw indeed that the two trucks had Slater and Michaels in the cabs.

"Looks like a pair of horny morons to me. It could work." Joanna mused to herself.

"Are you girls sure?" asked Goofy.

"Positive. We'd rather avoid a fire fight right now." said Nina. "No offence, Frank." she then said to the Punisher.

"So, you guys get ready to go when the moment comes!" said Anna as she and Nina got out of the Vulcano and slipped into the clump of trees unnoticed by the police.

"So, are you ready?" asked Nina.

"Yeah, but do we REALLY have to take our bras off as well?" Anna asked as she unzipped her suit.

"If it helps." Nina replied as she did the same.

At the roadblock, Banner looked at his watch in annoyance.

"You think they'll be here soon?" asked Victoria.

"I wouldn't go for coffee." Banner replied. "Where the hell are Amos and Willenholly?"

"HEY, LADS!" two voices yelled.

The cops turned and saw Nina and Anna near the clump of trees, with their suits unzipped to below their bust lines and their bras off. The sight as they jumped up and down immediately aroused a lot of the male officers, especially Slater and Michaels.

"Those are some great lookin' chicks!" Slater whooped. "So much for boredom!"

"Let's get down and dirty with 'em!" replied Michaels as he and Slater started up their trucks and pulled out. So did a lot of the other officers in their cars, heading towards the sisters.

"COME BACK, YOU IDIOTS!" Banner yelled. But it was no good. The road was now mostly unblocked.

Nina and Anna quickly ran back to the Vulcano and got in.

"GO, GO, GO!" yelled Tanner as he floored the accelerator of the Sorcerer and lead the way.

The three other vehicles followed, with Herbie doing another back wheel wheelie.

As they rushed past the stunned and angry Banner, the Punisher flipped the bird and shot out both headlights of the Starbreaker with his pistol.

By the time the other officers realised they'd been fooled, it was too late.

Banner got on his radio to his troops.

"Next time, if you see a beautiful woman flashing her mammaries, SHOOT HER FIRST!" he yelled in frustration.

* * *

Team Viper drove through Maidstone. They had realised at the start of the continent that they had lost the puzzle hunt money from the USA and felt a bit down.

"Oh, come on, guys. There's always the BIG prize!" Westlake said.

"Yeah." Cole agreed as he smiled. "And there's nothing to stop us entering the Africa puzzle hunt."

"Damn right!" said Joe as a smile came to his face as well. "Well then, let's just stop moping and get a move on!"

"RIGHT!" said Westlake as she shifted the Asp into a higher gear and roared down the road.

As they neared the exit to the town, they suddenly felt a bump.

Joe and Cole looked around and saw the Cataract right behind them. It had bumped into them.

Dick Dastardly's team of villains laughed their heads off as they drove at high speeds.

Fearless Leader, who drove, got alongside the Asp and kept up speed.

Boris leaned out the window with a can of beer.

"Wanna beer, gorgeous?" he yelled mockingly at Westlake as he opened the beer and let the foam spray onto the Asp.

"I don't think she drinks." Dastardly laughed. "What a little prude!"

"You guys are total pantywaists!" yelled Fearless Leader as Muttley sniggered.

Westlake just ignored them and kept her eyes on the road ahead.

"Oh, too good for us, huh?" Natasha sneered as she took out a Colt Python pistol and aimed it at the Asp's radiator.

"Eat this!" Natasha yelled as she fired a couple of shots.

The special construction of the Asp prevented it from taking any damage.

"DAMN IT!" yelled Boris as Natasha's gun clicked empty. Muttley sniggered mockingly.

Westlake turned to face the villains and gave a little mock salute.

She then hit the Asp's nitrous and left them in the dust.

* * *

As another large batch of the Cannonballers approached Dover, Space Ghost drove the Bionic Cheetah. Or at least he tried to, as he had one hand on the wheel and used the other to wrap a birthday present.

"Do you have to do that at the wheel?" asked Zorak. "Your cousin lives in Dusseldorf for Pete's sake!"

"Yeah, you could have waited until we got to Germany to do that." replied Moltar.

"Look, it's no problem! I've got this!" said Space Ghost as he turned to look at Zorak and Moltar in the back seat.

"Don't look at us! Look at the road!" Moltar yelled.

Space Ghost turned to look back at the road and panicked as he saw that in front of them, the Averse was slowing down.

To avoid rear-ending Team Wonka, Space Ghost quickly steered the Bionic Cheetah over to the other lane...and panicked again when he saw another car heading right for them.

"CRAP!" he yelled as he swerved off to the side of the road and braked hard. As the Bionic Cheetah came to a halt, he jerked forward and banged his head on the steering wheel.

"Ohhhh..." he groaned to himself as he lost consciousness.

Zorak and Moltar looked concerned.

Zorak undid his seatbelt and leaned forward to feel for a pulse.

"It's okay. He's just out cold." he reported.

"But apart from that, is he okay?" asked Moltar.

"He should be." said Zorak. "Don't you remember how thick his skull is."

As they were talking, the Manhattan Spirit had driven up behind them.

Sissy smirked when she saw the small accident.

"Paydirt." she said. "You two, go take care of this."

Chrissy and Missy opened the rear of the Manhattan Spirit and came out with a gurney and wearing paramedic uniforms.

"It's okay, you guys. We're here." said Missy as they came over to the Bionic Cheetah.

Zorak and Moltar got out of the Bionic Cheetah and looked relieved.

"Good job you got here when you did." Moltar said. "Our buddy took a bit of a hit on the head."

"Hey, he may be YOUR buddy, but he's not mine!" Zorak replied.

"Excuse me, but can't you see there's an injured superhero here!" Chrissy said with mock indignation as she and Missy undid Space Ghost's seatbelt and began to strap him onto the gurney. "Please be a bit more sensitive."

"Well, it's just that sensitivity is the last thing our 'pal' there has." said Zorak. "Listen, we're in a race and we don't have much time to spare."

"So, can you let us know where you'll take our friend? Just so we can pick him up to be on our way when you've sorted him out." asked Moltar as the two girls began to wheel the gurney over to the Manhattan Spirit.

"Sure. You're on your way to France, right?" asked Chrissy as she and Missy loaded Space Ghost into the back of the Manhattan Spirit. "It's the American Hospital of Paris. In Neuilly-sur-Seine. We're working as interns over there as part of our training."

"Okay, that's fine. I'm sure we can find it with our GPS." said Moltar.

"Okay, then. We'll see you there." said Chrissy as she closed the back doors of the Manhattan Spirit and knocked on it twice to confirm it was closed properly.

She and Missy got back in the front as Sissy started the engine.

"Well, he's in good hands for a while now." said Zorak. "Knowing him, he'll probably try hitting on those medics. Claim he needs mouth to mouth and all that!"

"At least he should be okay." said Moltar as he got into the passenger seat of the Bionic Cheetah and Zorak took his seat behind the wheel.

In the Manhattan Spirit, the three girls laughed to themselves. Chrissy picked up a cellphone and dialled it. Within seconds, she had contacted Big Boss at his new base in Antwerp.

"You've kidnapped a racer as well, you say?" asked Big Boss.

"Yeah, Big Boss. And we'll hold onto him unlike what those idiots back in London did." smirked Chrissy. "So, what are your orders?"

"I think a little ransom message to the Cannonballers would go well." said Big Boss. "Get yourselves over here to Antwerp and bring that loser with ya! We'll set up a broadcast at the base."

"Right!" smirked Chrissy as she hung up.

The Manhattan Spirit blew past the Averse.

"Are you going to go after them, Willy?" asked Charlie.

"Hey, it's an ambulance. You're supposed to let them pass." said Willy. "Besides, I'm not a lawyer. I'm quite content to let THEM chase ambulances." 

* * *

In Dover itself, Banner had set the roadblock up yet again and his troops kept vigilant. They heard the sound of an engine approaching and got ready for action.

The vehicle approaching was the Firestorm driving at legal speeds.

Banner looked confused, as did most of his troops. The orange Jaguar came to a halt and the Doctor, Amy, and Rory climbed out. Banner looked confused when he saw the uniforms Amy and Rory wore.

"It's alright, everybody. We're here to give you an update on the situation." said the Doctor in an authoritative voice as he pulled out his psychic paper.

"And who might you be?" asked Victoria.

The Doctor held up his psychic paper like it was a police I.D. badge.

"James Gillard, special detective, Scotland Yard. Codename: the Doctor." said the Doctor. "I've been called in to give you all an urgent message."

The cops were taken in by his deception. Except for Junior, for some reason.

"Hey, wait just a minute..." he began.

"Not now, Junior!" yelled Banner, who then turned his attention back to the Doctor. "What urgent message, sir?"

"Agent Banner, the Cannonballers have fooled you." said the Doctor. "The officials of the race tricked you into thinking all of them were coming this way."

He turned to Rory and said "Isn't that right, Cole?"

"Yeah. MI5 found out a second bridge has been constructed at Portsmouth and more than half the racers are crossing that way."

"WHAT?" spluttered Buford. "Those sumbitches run a whizzer on us?"

"Daddy, couldn't you see that..."

"Shut up, Junior!" Buford yelled. "Let the experienced cops handle this!"

"Indeed they did." said Amy, putting on an English accent instead of her real Scottish one. "They're all on their way there now. So we suggest you hurry to the bridge there and set up a block."

"Thank you, Simons." said the Doctor.

"I'm tellin' you guys, this is a load of..."

"Junior, shut your damn pie-hole!" Victoria yelled. "Although I am curious. How come MI5 gave Scotland Yard assistance?"

"This is why." said Amy as she took out an official looking letter. Banner gasped when he saw the Royal Seal on top of it. He read it.

"The queen herself authorised the branches of the British government to prevent the Cannonball continuing through Europe?" he spluttered.

"Indeed yes." said Rory. "And you'll see it's been counter-signed by the Prime Minister and the Minister of Defence as well."

"Oh, gimme a break!" Junior yelled.

Amy raised her eyebrow at Junior. "Are you calling senior heads of state in this country liars, pal?" she said angrily.

"You should be careful what you say around P.C. Simons here. She's VERY patriotic." said Rory.

"That's right. And she doesn't take kindly to people from the colonies mouthing off about our government OR our monarch." said the Doctor. "Are you trying to get yourselves deported?"

The other English cops who were part of Banner's troops glared at Junior. Roscoe and Buford each clipped him around the ear.

"Dipstick!" yelled Roscoe.

"Dumb Ass!" Buford said at the same time.

"Fine then!" huffed Junior.

"So basically, we have to go to Portsmouth to catch the Cannonballers?" asked Banner.

"That's right." said the Doctor. "So, get going! We'll stay here to pick up the rest if they try to come this way."

"Right." sighed Banner to himself as his troops and the other English cops packed up and began to leave.

"Fooled by a bunch of gearhead miscreants and highway scofflaws!" Banner grumbled to himself angrily.

He looked up to heaven and yelled "WHY ME?"

"You're a prat, mate. That's why." replied a male English voice.

Banner turned around and saw that it was Rory who had said it as he stood by the Firestorm with his team-mates.

Banner cursed to himself and headed off with his unit as they made tracks to Portsmouth.

A few minutes after they were gone, the Doctor got on his radio.

"Okay, everybody. The heat, as they say, is off for now. Let's go!" he said.

The remainder of the Cannonballers slowly but surely made their way through the now-cleared road and sped through Dover to the bridge leading to Calais.

"You were right. It DID work." Rory smirked as he patted the Doctor's shoulder.

"I never knew you could forge signatures as well." Amy remarked.

"I didn't always have to, what with being a friend of Winston Churchill." The Doctor laughed. "Let's go. By the time the police realise we fooled them, we'll be long gone."

The Doctor's team climbed back into the Firestorm and performed a burnout.

"GERONIMO!" the Doctor yelled, yet again.

Just then, the Wayfarer roared past them. Howard whooped with joy as he headed straight towards the famous white cliffs, where the bridge started.

"Nice of them to build a bridge, but I think I'll take my traditional route." he said as he drove the Wayfarer off the cliffs' edge and transformed it in mid-air into an aquatic transport bike.

"HA HA!" he laughed as he landed in the English channel and began to cross.

The Doctor's team noticed this as they began to cross the bridge.

"Anyone who makes a joke about a duck taking to water gets a slap!" Amy warned.

"Never crossed my mind." Rory said.

"Not for a split second." the Doctor agreed.

"Good." Amy replied.

* * *

Luther checked the map drawn on his chest in the mirror. Lester arranged the equipment for a briefing.

"I think we might have to copy this." said Luther. "I can't read something if it's reversed."

"Then just look down." said Lester.

"I can't read upside down either!" said Luther.

"Look, if we can work out our plans," said Lester "we can have the boss out of prison within half a week."

"I know that." said Luther. "That's why I called that guy to help."

There was a heavy knock at the door.

"That's him." said Luther. "If I don't get this, there might be property damage."

He opened the door and revealed a massive, bald man. He stood about seven feet tall and wore black pants and a red and yellow camouflage vest.

"Ah, here he is." said Luther. "Lester, meet Golem. He used to be a wrestler until he killed a guy in the ring."

Golem smiled.

"So, he drifted into another life." said Luther. "He did some enforcer work in Green Harbor under the corrupt mayor Bordin. He was working for the Contraworld when I called him."

"Oh, and what do you do for them?" asked Lester.

"I lift things up and put them down." said Golem.

"O-kay." said Lester. "Let's get started."

Luther pulled open his shirt.

"Here we have the floorplan of Orange County Prison." said Lester. "In here..."

"I lift things up and put them down." said Golem.

After a pause, Lester continued. "In here, our boss is interred. Our task is to rescue him. Here, we have..."

"I lift things up and put them down." said Golem.

"Right." said Lester. "Here, we have the guardhouse. We need a distraction for the guards to..."

"I lift things up and put them down." said Golem.

Lester looked at Golem for a second, then said "You know, I just realized something. The police might be onto us, so we'll need a lookout." He led Golem to the balcony. "So, I need you to keep your eyes open for them out here."

"I lift things up..." said Golem before Lester shut the door behind him.

"I think this will go faster if we don't explain things to him." said Lester.

"I agree." said Luther.

* * *

As the Cannonballers had entered Calais, Dom's team had gathered a large number of them around, including Lone Wolf and Hardtop from the protectors, and had given out some of Buckaroo's disruptor disks and mines.

"Very decent of you to do this, Dom." said Hardtop.

"Don't thank me. Thank Buckaroo." said Dom. "Anyway, you all heard what I said. Use the red ones sparingly. They could cause major damage."

"Hey, it's US you're talking about." said C.J. as his team headed back for the Yellow Bird.

"Exactly. THAT'S why Buckaroo made a point of telling me to warn you about the red ones." said Dom.

"Hey, come on! We don't handle every situation with violence." Tommy said.

"No, just nine out of ten situations." Brian joked.

"Okay then, guys. Let's move out!" said Lone Wolf. "The ones who are going to Germany through Belgium, follow my lead. The others head south to Spain and the bridge to Italy in Barcelona."

"Will do, Lone Wolf." said Stone Cold as his team got back into the Darkness and followed Lone Wolf as he drove the Silver Bullet off towards the France/Belgium border.

* * *

One of the teams that had decided to go through France and Spain was Memphis Raines' team. They drove through Calais looking for a decent restaurant.

"I've always wanted to try French food." said Sway. "I mean, no offence to that diner where your mom works, Memphis, but there IS more to cuisine than a decent tuna melt."

"It's okay. I'm sure we'll find a good place." said Memphis. "Ah, this looks good."

He pulled into the parking lot of a restaurant called Manger a Sa Faim.

"Should be good." said the Sphinx. "The name means 'to eat one's fill'."

"You speak French?" asked Memphis.

"Of course I do." said the Sphinx with mock indignation. "Do I look like a Neanderthal to you?"

The team had a good laugh at that as Memphis tried to find a parking space.

As he got near the entrance to the restaurant, he saw the Starlight. It had been parked carelessly so that the front end was cocked slightly to the right and took up a good portion of the parking space next to it.

"Corvax really needs to be more careful when he parks." said Sway. "I mean, that is downright rude. He didn't park the car: he abandoned it!"

"No problem." said Memphis as he and the Sphinx both got out of the Cowboy and walked towards the Starlight.

Memphis went over to the driver's side door of the Starlight as Sphinx kept a look out. Memphis took out a special key that could unlock any car door, regardless of the make.

"Never thought they'd find a thing better than slimjims." he thought to himself.

He then paused as he saw that the Starlight's keys were still in the Ignition.

"Huh?" he and Sphinx chorused.

"I wonder if..." Sphinx began as he tried the door. The door, sure enough, opened. It had never been locked.

"Bloody hell. Is Corvax the ruler of the United Stupid Emirates or something?" Sphinx said to himself.

"Here, let me." said Memphis as he climbed into the Starlight's driver seat. As the Sphinx continued to keep a look out, Memphis started the silver Aston up.

He reversed it out of the parking space, swinging it around a bit, and then, as the Starlight faced perfectly forward, drove it into the space and shut the engine off. The other space was now clear.

"Beautiful." said the Sphinx as Memphis got out of the Starlight and shut the door.

"Okay, Sway, bring her in." said Memphis as Sway drove the Cowboy into the now-cleared space next to the Starlight and parked it.

She got out and smiled. "Good work, Memphis. Now I believe it's Sphinx's turn to drive when we're done here. I think we can partake in a little bottle of rose."

"Sounds great." smiled Memphis.

As they went to enter the restaurant, Corvax and his team-mates exited it. Beavis and Butthead looked happy but Corvax looked very annoyed.

"Oh come on, Corvax. Those were the best cheeseburgers we've had outside of Burger King." Beavis said.

"Yeah. The French ARE great cooks." Butthead put in.

"Cheeseburgers?" asked Memphis.

"Unfortunately yes." said Corvax. "It turns out this place is a really anglicised restaurant! I came here expecting haute cuisine and I get burgers, pizzas, and hot dogs instead! I only ate the food because I was hungry."

"Nothing French in there?" asked Sway.

"French fries." Corvax grumbled.

"Holy merde!" Memphis joked.

"Yeah, so I advise you not to waste your money here." said Corvax. "Let's get going, you two." he called to Beavis and Butthead.

"By the way, mate, you know you left your keys in your car?" Sphinx asked. "We saw it when we walked past."

"Damn! I knew I'd forgotten something!" Corvax yelled in shock. He tried the Starlight's door and saw it was unlocked.

"Whew! That was lucky!" he sighed in relief.

"You're damn right you were lucky." Sway scolded him. "Don't EVER do that again! Someone could have stolen your car."

She and Memphis shared a knowing look as they went back to the Cowboy.

* * *

The teams taking part in the puzzle hunt had exited Calais and still tried to figure out where their next destination was.

In the Kowalski, Bart still went through his French history in his head.

"Right. The three kings under whom the Huguenots were persecuted were...Francis II, Charles IX and Henry III of France." he said as he sorted through his knowledge. "But they were puppet rulers. The real power behind the throne was their mother."

"Who was...?" Homer pushed.

"I'm nearly there." said Bart as he concentrated so hard he gave himself a headache.

"The years under which those three ruled have been called...the age...of...CATHERINE DE' MEDICI!" Bart yelled as he got to the end.

"Right. So now we know who she is." said Lisa. "But where is this library that used to belong to her?"

"Just a minute..." said Bart as he gritted his teeth and tried to concentrate again. The radio was open to the other five puzzle hunt teams and they listened.

Just then, James' voice yelled out. "I know! It's at the Chateau de Chenonceau in the Loire Valley!"

Giovanni looked surprised.

"How did you know that?" asked Giovanni.

"Are you forgetting that my parents are aristocracy?" James said as he programmed the destination details into the GPS. "Before Jessiebelle was brought in to try and become my future wife, they took me to France to try and set me up with this French diplomat's daughter called Marguerite. As part of the trip we stopped off at Chenonceau and Marguerite told me of the history of the place."

"Was this Marguerite as crazy as Jessiebelle?" asked Jessie.

"No, She was relatively normal compared to Jessiebelle." James said. "But my parents nixed the idea of the marriage when they heard I'd have to stay in France. They wanted me to stay in Kanto so they could keep me under their thumb. One of the myriad reasons why I ran away."

"You Rockets' families have more issues than the world's largest news-stand. You know that?" asked Bugs over the radio.

"Well, never mind that now! Let's go!" yelled the Drake over the radio.

"See if you can keep up, losers!" Jessie sneered as she sped up the Peligro and followed the GPS details James had programmed in.

"There is something not right about that." Daffy said. "Taking a classic car and installing those new-fangled gizmos like GPS in it. I mean you might as well slap neon lights on it.".

"Careful those guys don't hear you." said Bugs as he nodded over to the Maniac 2 as it got ready to pass them.

* * *

Lidell laid in wait in the Brigand in a lay-by on the expressway to Lille, waiting to see if he could nail a Cannonballer. He had been warned by Big Boss to try and find a target besides Trikz. As the Infinito roared past him, he smiled as he had found just that.

"Here we go!" he laughed as he started the Brigand up and pulled out at high speed after the red Ferrari.

Wonder Woman looked in their rear-view and saw the Brigand rapidly catching up with them as she drove.

"I've never seen a Nova that could catch up with a Ferrari before." she said. "If it's been modified to do so, that is NOT good news."

"I agree." said Batman. "Let's make tracks so we can lose him!".

Wonder Woman accelerated the Infinito and approached a construction truck in the road ahead of them as the Brigand continued to catch up.

She went to pass the truck, but swerved back behind it as a Renault came in the opposite direction. Once it had passed, she steered the Infinito around the truck and drove past it. Lidell followed after them, falling a little bit behind but catching up rapidly.

"This guy's very persistent, Bats." said the Flash.

The Brigand came up alongside the Infinito eventually and Lidell got his .45 ready.

"Oh great!" grumbled Batman.

"Hang on! I have an idea!" yelled Wonder Woman.

She quickly swerved the Infinito around and turned a complete 180. She roared back off down the road in the direction they had come from.

Lidell cursed to himself and turned the Brigand back around as well and followed them.

As the Infinito got a lead on the Brigand once again, Wonder Woman steered off to the side of the road and went overland, heading to the expressway to Valenciennes.

"Why are we going this way?" asked Batman. "The expressway in this direction is closed for repairs. That radio report said so."

"I know. But something tells me our friend back there didn't hear it." Wonder Woman smirked. "Flash, I think we can have a little fun with this 'gentleman' in the muscle car."

Flash smiled. "I'll see what I can do."

He put a radio headset on as Wonder Woman steered the Infinito to a place it could be hidden.

The Infinito pulled behind a large mound of dirt in the countryside and pulled over.

The Flash got out and got ready to go into action. The Brigand pulled up about 200 feet away from him. Lidell climbed out of the Brigand with his gun ready.

Flash ran at high speed towards him as he fired a few shots. With his high speed, the Flash was able to avoid the bullets. He whizzed by Lidell so fast that the headwind knocked Lidell to the ground.

Flash stopped a little bit away from Lidell, turned around and made a face at him.

"Bang bang yourself, loser!" he laughed as he ran off again.

Lidell angrily got up and got back into the Brigand. He started it up and drove off after the Flash. While Lidell was distracted, Wonder Woman drove the Infinito out and drove back towards the Lille expressway.

Lidell activated his nitrous to regain lost ground on the Flash as the high-speed superhero ran down the closed expressway to Valenciennes.

As Flash got to the end of the road, he saw the huge barrier that had been set up to prevent anyone going any further.

He laughed to himself and turned around, running back the way he came as the Brigand turned the corner and came down the road at high speed towards him.

Flash ran straight towards the Brigand as it kept coming.

"Never see anyone play chicken on foot before." Lidell thought to himself as he kept driving towards the Flash.

As the two were about to hit, the Flash suddenly leapt over the Brigand and landed on the other side.

He gave a quick goodbye wave to Lidell as he ran off back the way they had come.

Lidell was so shocked that he lost control of the Brigand. He swerved wildly and eventually the black Nova hit part of an incline at the side of the road and flipped itself over.

The car rolled a couple of times and eventually came to a rest on its wheels near the barrier. It was totalled beyond repair and the horn was now jammed so that it kept honking non-stop.

"SHIT!" Lidell yelled as he undid his seatbelt, amazed he had survived.

"Scratch one hostile, guys!" Flash said over his headset. "Non-lethally of course."

"Good job, Wally." said Batman in reply. "Meet up with us in Lille and we'll be on our way."

"Right!" said the Flash as he kept running.

Back at the barrier, Lidell had limped his way to the side of the road and looked back angrily at the wrecked Brigand, whose horn still blared.

In frustration, he pulled out his gun and fired a shot at the Brigand.

As the bullet hit, the black Nova exploded.

Lidell grumbled to himself and went off down the road as the remains of his car burned.

* * *

Elsewhere on the highways of France, the Orange Crush, which had been repaired, Kenji's Civic and Darius' A4 drove along.

"Good job I found that garage on the highway." Virginia thought to herself. "Now, if I stop by Paris, I'll see if my old master can help me out.".

In the other two cars, there were only the three male members of the crew. Darius and Wolf rode in the Audi and Kenji drove his Civic.

"That was unpleasant having to bail you out, Kenji. DON'T let it happen again." Darius said.

"Okay, I won't." said Kenji. "I'm gonna kick some ass now! Where's Angie though?"

"She said she had an idea. Something about getting back at a Cannonballer who caused her a lot of misery." Wolf said.

"I don't remember our old 'friend' from Palmont being in the race." Kenji remarked.

"Well she says she'll guarantee results." said Darius. "Now let's go get ourselves some of those."

"Roger." replied Kenji.

* * *

Banner and most of his troops had finally arrived in Portsmouth. Banner looked stunned as his group saw that there was no other bridge leading to France.

"what in the name of blue Hell is going on here?" Banner yelled.

The enforcers heard a horn honk and turned to see the Nightcrawler and the Opus driving up. The Nightcrawler had finally been repaired back in London. As the two cars came to a stop, Willenholly leaned out the Nightcrawler's window.

"Agent Banner. What are you guys all doing here?" he asked.

"We were told that there was a secret Cannonball bridge here." Bender said. "But it looks like we've been had."

"Willenholly, can you access Scotland Yard's personnel database?" asked Banner.

"Yes, sir." said Willenholly as he began to access said records.

"See if there's a specialist called James Gillard with the codename the Doctor." Banner continued.

After a very brief search, Willenholly came up dry.

"No such person or codename, sir." Amos reported. "No offence, but it looks like you HAVE had the wool pulled over your eyes by the Cannonballers."

"That's what I was tryin' to tell y'all!" Junior protested. "That ID badge was a blank piece of paper!"

"WHAT?" Everybody else chorused.

"But we saw the writing on it!" Roscoe said.

Amos rolled his eyes. "Do the words 'the Force can have a strong influence on the weak-minded' mean anything to you?"

"The guy must have been a hypnotist or something." said Slater.

"Then it's no wonder Junior wasn't fooled." said Buford. "He hasn't GOT a mind to be influenced let alone a weak one."

"Daddy...!" protested Junior.

"Don't you 'daddy' mean, you dimwit!" Buford snapped back.

"But then, this means..." began Michaels.

"...the Cannonballers made it to France!" Banner finished as he took his hat off in a fury and stamped on it.

"SON OF AN EGG-SUCKING, TRASH-HUMPING, CHEAP-ASSED GODDAMN BITCH!" he yelled at the top of his voice.

He then calmed down and looked at his stunned troops.

"Pardon my francais." he said, breathing heavily. "Our strategy is clear then." he continued. "Back to Dover and head to mainland Europe. And this time, we stick it to those Cannonballers."

AS he passed the Opus, LaFours looked at him expectantly.

"I already told you, LaFours. That guy you arrested WASN'T a Cannonballer and he was bailed out." Banner snapped. "So, NO! You don't get paid for him!"

LaFours grunted to himself in anger and looked ready to say something. Banner raised a finger.

"Don't give me excuses! Give me results! THEN, you get paid!" Banner said.

LaFours sighed to himself.

* * *

Back at Race Central, Dante and Randal dealt with Natasha and the other members of Moving Violation who checked the details of their bets.

"So, Trevor, you placed $2000 on the Sorcerer, right?" asked Dante.

"That's right. I know that guy Tanner is something else behind the wheel." Trevor confirmed.

"Well it seems that he's now running in third." Dante said as he checked the equipment. "If he makes it out of France in the top three, I see a major return on your investment."

"Great, Dante. Thanks a lot." smirked Trevor.

Randal dealt with Natasha, Mike Z, and Nick. "Well you guys are in for some GREAT news." he beamed. "The Squalo has taken the lead now. Not counting the puzzle hunt teams, that is. But it would seem that $100 grand is guaranteed to you three as they got out front somewhere outside Calais."

Mike Z and Nick shared an elaborate handshake while Natasha smiled.

"And to think I wasn't THAT big a fan of Joan's books." she said.

"Hey, would you believe me if I told you Joan is driving right now?" the happy Randal replied.

"Well I'll be damned." said Natasha. "I guess she did have what it takes."

"Hey, after being married to Jack for twenty years she was bound to get some of his spirit." Mike Z said.

"Good call, guys." Randal smiled as he handed some money over to the three of them. "By the way, Ms. Martin, I really loved 'Needle To The Redline'. It was my favourite single of the year."

"Glad you're a music lover." Natasha smiled.

"I'm a lover of many things." beamed Randal.

"Nice try." said Natasha as she rolled her eyes. "Don't forget about Carlo, though."

"Hey, as the late Dan Hartman said 'I can dream about you'." said Randal.

"Yeah, keep dreaming, Randal." sighed Dante as he overheard.

Outside in the ball room, Misty and President Harris had taken a brief minute to interview Gloria Baker and April O'Neil.

"Well, ladies, I bet you're happy that the race is continuing despite all the intensity." Misty said. "Was it anything like this when you ran the Cannonball back in 1987?"

"Well, Misty, every race can be intense at times, especially one of this magnitude." Gloria said. "I like to think that that's why the invitations are sent out to the best of the best to take place in the Cannonball."

"Exactly. I admit that when I took part in the race with Gloria in '87, it was a real learning curve for me." said April. "It made me much more determined to be the best that I could be in all fields of my life and experiences. And look what I have to show for it more than twenty years later."

"Indeed yes." smirked Misty. "Three Peabody awards and the award for TV News Personality of the Year four years on the trot. That is one of the most impressive records I've ever seen. I admit that's part of the reason I myself stepped up to be a Cannonball reporter, Ms. O'Neil. You've been a major influence on me, if I may say so."

"Why, thank you, Misty." April smiled. "That's really flattering."

"I must say, Ms. O'Neil, that I really enjoyed all your news broadcasts as well." Harris spoke up. "In fact there were two very important reasons I liked them.".

After a brief pause, he added "One on the left and one on the right."

Gloria, April and Misty looked incensed.

"I beg your pardon?" April said as she put her hands on her hips.

"Hold it, guys!" said Veronica as she came over. "We've just received word that Jack Colton and his team in the Squalo are ready to give an in-car interview."

Misty managed to contain herself and put her game face on.

"Okay then. Let's go over to them live and direct." she said as an image of Jack's team came on the screen.

"Hi guys." said Joan. "I must say I never expected that we'd take the lead so soon into Europe. So the fact that we have has my blood racing."

"That's good to know, Joan." said Misty. "Have you had any trouble with the police yet?"

"We're just taking a little precaution to avoid such trouble." Joan said as Jack pressed a switch on the dashboard.

An outside view of the Squalo appeared and suddenly, all the windows on the car became silver and reflective like a mirror. This completely hid the car's occupants from the view of anyone outside the car.

"Just a little device we were given at the starting line." Jack explained. "This way, we should hopefully avoid being spotted."

Ralph had his eye on some instruments on the control panel. A red light flashed.

"Aw, goddamn it!" he cursed. "That speed camera back there caught us before you flipped the switch."

Joan brought the Squalo to a halt and looked in the mirror to see said speed camera a fair bit behind them.

She snorted to herself in amusement and flipped another switch. The left tail-light of the Squalo opened up to reveal a missile launcher. Joan hit a red button and a missile was fired. It completely destroyed the camera. Ralph looked completely stunned.

"What speed camera?" Joan mischievously asked.

"ALRIGHT, JOANIE!" Jack cheered as they drove off once again.

Misty and the others looked very happy.

"So that's that. Even if some policeman notices the Squalo speeding, they'll never make the connection between it and Team Colton if they stop for a rest." Misty cheered.

"Exactly!" Harris said happily. "The police's chances of catching Team Colton in the act, which were nil before, are practically zero now!"

Everybody looked at Harris in confusion and worry.

"Uh, I think it's time for a break." Veronica hurriedly said.

* * *

Lidell had managed to make his way to the highway to Paris. He stood angrily at the side of the road trying to hitch a ride.

Eventually, the A4 pulled up to him. Lidell scowled as he saw Darius was driving it.

"Darius! As if one punk-ass jerk that cost me my reputation in this race wasn't bad enough!" Lidell grumbled.

"Nice to see you too, Lidell." Darius replied. "Good recovery you made in L.A. Before Mr. Lane came along!"

"If you're gonna insult me, you can just f..." Lidell began.

"Hold it, you idiot!" Darius said. "My crew and I are working for DeMarco's guys as well. We're on the same side here."

"You're gonna stop the Cannonballers as well?" asked Lidell.

"Yeah. So if I were you, I'd stop grumbling and get in this car." Darius smirked.

"I ain't so sure I should be trusting..." Lidell began again.

Darius pulled out his gun and aimed it at Lidell.

"Embark the vehicle, shit brain!" Darius snapped.

Lidell knew that he had used the last bullet in his own gun to blow up the Brigand. So he grumbled to himself again and got into the passenger seat of the A4.

The silver car continued the journey towards Paris.

* * *

The Black Knight had managed to overtake the Destroyer on the expressway to Paris and Jake had gotten a good lead on Destro and the Baroness.

The Baroness snarled to herself as she kept the Destroyer up to its full speed. She fired a few laser blasts from the Destroyer's headlights but the black car got out of their sight.

As the Baroness activated their nitrous boost, the Destroyer rocketed around a blind turn. Both Cobra members then looked shocked to see the Black Knight blocking the road about fifty feet away from them, with Jake and Max standing at either side of the road. The Baroness went to try and slam on the brakes.

"Keep going, Ana. I know how to deal with these fools!" Destro said.

The Baroness smiled and kept going. Destro stood up in his seat and fired a couple of his wrist rockets at the Black Knight. He completely destroyed the car, reducing it to flaming wreckage.

The Baroness flicked a switch and out from the front of the Destroyer, a small plough appeared. The Destroyer pushed its way through the wreckage of the Black Knight with no problem at all.

"Goodbye, fools!" the Baroness laughed at Max and Jake as the Cobra team continued on their way.

A few seconds after they had disappeared from sight, the Black Knight reformed once again and Max and Jake got back into it.

"I wasn't expecting him to do that." said Jake. "These guys are getting smart.".

"Good thing I talked to Brock and he doesn't consider it cheating that our car can respawn itself." Max smirked. "Now, let's get after those two."

"Will do." smiled Jake as he started the Black Knight up again and drove off.

* * *

In a garage somewhere in the Latin Quarter of Paris, Angie smirked as she watched a few technicians working on her attack vehicle. She herself talked to Darius on the phone.

"So you'll soon be ready?" he asked.

"You bet, guy. I'm glad this little divide and conquer tactic was approved by our employers." Angie said with an evil smile.

"Okay then. Give 'em hell!" Darius said.

Angie hung up and looked over to where the technicians were working. The car they had just finished customising was a 1970 Plymouth Hemi 'Cuda that looked identical to the Squalo, right down to the mirrored windows that Team Colton had recently added to it.

Angie gave a sadistic little chuckle as she thought about what she was going to do.

* * *

Outside Paris, Mason drove along and watched the sights.

"Approching Paris." said Mason. "Hey, have you been to our Paris since 'The Rot'?"

"Oh, they got hit bad." said Spike. "City of Lights? Not anymore."

Just then, they were passed by the Reaper.

"I think we've got ourselves a challenger." said Spike.

"Let's give it a try." said Mason.

The two cars pulled up to an intersection.

"Hey, are you looking for a little race?" asked Mason.

"Why not?" asked K.T. "But how about it's just us?"

"Looks like I'm sitting this one out." said Spike as he opened the door. He and Takumi climbed out of the cars.

Takumi ran to stand in front of the cars and raised his hands. "Are you ready?" he asked. "Go!"

The two cars took off racing. The Road Lord took an early lead. The Reaper started to catch up, though.

Down the road, two men sat in a red and white Citroen 2CV.

"So, I hear the Cannonball is coming through France again." said the older one, Inspector Jacques Clouseau.

"And that is why we are keeping a watch for speeders." said his companion, Cato Fong.

Just then, the Road Lord and Reaper rounded the turn and the Road Lord sideswiped a truck.

"And there they are." said Clouseau.

He started the Citroen and gave chase.

"Can we catch them in this thing?" asked Cato.

"Not to worry." said Clouseau. "Ze CM Venga has been heavily modified. It can lap Le Mans twice as fast as stock."

"What's stuck, Inspector?" asked Cato.

"I mean the Venga can go much faster than a normal 2CV, you idiot!" snapped Clouseau.

"Oh, right." Cato said sheepishly.

K.T. checked his rear-view and saw the car approaching. He pulled over and let the Road Lord past him.

"That's a good idea." said Mason. He looked in his rear-view and saw the CM Venga. "Oh crap." he muttered.

He pulled over and got out. Clouseau did the same. "I'll bet you're wondering why I've pulled you over."

"Wild guess: speeding?" asked Mason.

"But of course." said Clouseau.

"Buttock curse?" smirked Mason. "What is that? French diarrhea? Your accent is terrible!"

Mason laughed hysterically.

"Cato, do we have a first aid kit back at the station?" the ticked-off Clouseau asked.

"Yes, Inspector." Cato smiled.

"Good. Show this gentleman your skills."

Cato let out a martial arts yell and gave Mason a foot sweep, knocking him on the ground.

Cato turned Mason around so Clouseau could handcuff him.

"Aw, crap!" Mason grumbled.

"Indeed yes, monsieur l'idiot." Clouseau smirked.

K.T. watched this from the Reaper. "That did not end well." he said.

* * *

Meanwhile, in Paris itself, the Tempest had come to a halt outside Notre Dame Cathedral. Bam was in the driver's seat and addressed Race Central through their comms screen.

"We decided to have a bit of a special challenge here, guys." Bam announced. "We're trying to see if we can outrun these guys here."

The camera panned over to show two healthy looking men in sweatpants and t-shirts.

"You're trying to outrun two guys on foot?" asked Thunder Bob.

"It's not what it seems." Tony said. "You've heard of parkour? Commonly known as free-running?"

"Oh, parkour experts. That makes sense." Toni said. "They're great at getting from point A to point B with as little hassle as possible."

"Exactly." said Torquenstein. "Our Point A for this race is Notre Dame here, and our Point B is the Arc de Triomphe. we have no doubt that the Tempest will prove victorious."

"I sure hope you guys know what you're doing." said Ron. "Paris, like every other major city on the globe is well-known for its traffic problems."

"Especially as Bam's good friends the Bloodhound Gang just bet half a million bucks that you could do it." said Veronica as Jimmy Pop and Jared Hasselhoff appeared on camera with her.

"Thanks a lot, guys." said Bam. "I won't let you down."

"We hope so, Bam." said Jimmy. "We have a little surprise for you, though."

The Race Central camera cut to the parking lot of the Four Dragons to show a stretched Hummer limousine. Bam recognised it as the Job, the vehicle he and his 'Viva La Bam' friends had used in the previous year's Cannonball.

"Win or lose, Bam, we'll do something very special with the Job when your race is over." Jared smirked as the camera cut back to him and Jimmy.

"O..kay." said Bam, a bit uncertainly. "It better not be anything too severe. I still have to pay the Job off."

"You'll see." smirked Jimmy.

"So, ready when you are, Bam." said Torquenstein as he pulled out an air horn.

"Right. Francois, Michel, are you ready?" Bam called to the two parkour men.

"Oui." both men chorused.

"3, 2, 1, GO!" yelled Torquenstein as he honked the air horn and the Tempest performed a burn out and roared towards the bridge to the Quai de l'Hotel de Ville.

Francois and Michel ran off on the same course, easily bypassing any obstacles in their way by leaping over them and moving around pedestrians with ease.

"Can these guys really be as good as they say?" asked Tony.

"Doubtful." said Bam. "After all, we've..."

Suddenly, Michel ran in front of the car and Bam immediately hit the brakes. While he was stopped, Francois vaulted over the front of the Tempest.

"...got an engine." said Bam as he hit the accelerator.

Michel and Francois ran into a parking garage. Bam drove past.

"They appear to have made a wrong turn." said Torquenstein.

"Let's take advantage of their mistake." said Bam.

He continued down the street. He quickly hit traffic and had to stop.

"Well, we've still got an advantage." said Bam.

On the third floor of the parking garage, Michel dove over the wall, somersaulted in the air, and landed feet first on the roof next door. He collapsed into a ball, rolled back to his feet, and kept going. Francois followed him, doing the same thing.

Bam managed to get the car going again and found a clear street. "Okay, let's keep going." he said. "We lost a bit of time with that traffic jam."

Michel and Francois jumped across a gap between buildings.

"We can make it up right now." said Tony. "Just don't screw this up."

Michel jumped over a railing and landed on top of a phone booth. He jumped off and kept running. Francois climbed over the railing and somersaulted to the street. He followed.

Bam caught up with them. "There they are." he said.

"They look like they stole something." said Tony.

The light turned red and Bam hit the brakes again.

"This cannot end well." said Torquenstein as Michel and Francois ran past.

The light turned green. Bam drove off and looked for an empty street.

"Come on, I'm not losing to someone who dresses slightly worse than I do." said Bam.

Michel ran across a rail and vaulted over a policeman. Francois slid across the hood of his police car and followed him.

As the Tempest sped down the Champs-Elysees, they had some trouble with traffic. Namely that as they neared the intersection with the Rue de Berri, they had to suddenly brake as the Battle and the Aquila roared down the Rue de Berri, followed closely by the Streetfighter.

"Goddamn it!" yelled Bam. "This is gonna slow us down!"

"Don't get frustrated!" yelled Torquenstein. "That means you're not thinking clearly!".

"Shut the (bleep) up, will ya?" Bam yelled, as he put his foot down on the accelerator once again and sped off when the way was clear.

Meanwhile, on the Rue de Berri, Storm Shadow leaned out the window of the Aquila with his bow and arrow at the ready to try and hit the Battle's gas tank.

Suddenly, with a loud whoop of joy, the Streetfighter leaped over the top of the Aquila and landed in front of it.

"What the hell...?" Cobra Commander yelled.

Priss flicked a switch on her left handlebar and a thick smoke screen shot out of a hatch at the rear of the Streetfighter.

Cobra Commander was able to use radar-assisted steering in the Aquila to avoid crashing despite the zero visibility, but the Battle had now escaped them.

Priss waved the Battle on.

"Get going, boys! Yo Joe!" she called.

Snake-Eyes, driving the Battle, gave a salute as he drove off.

Priss sped up the Streetfighter and followed them.

As the Aquila cleared the smokescreen, Priss turned around and gave the finger to Cobra Commander.

However, she failed to see Zartan activate a switch of his own. From the passenger side mirror of the Aquila, a small dart shot out and hit the rear headlight of the Streetfighter. It was a homing device. Priss had failed to notice it as it had caused no damage.

"When that insolent wench gets out of Paris, the Dreadnoks will find her and teach her some manners." Zartan laughed.

"Brilliant, Zartan." the Commander smirked. "She'll learn a harsh lesson about interfering in Cobra's affairs."

Five minutes later...

The Tempest finally pulled up to the Arc de Triomphe and came to a halt.

"Alright! We made it!" Bam cheered. "Parkour pansies can kiss my derriere!"

"Uh, Bam?" said Torquenstein as he pointed upwards.

Bam looked up and his face feel immediately. Standing on two statues near the Arc were Francois and Michel, looking very happy.

"SHIT!" yelled Bam as he hit the steering wheel in frustration.

* * *

In the Loire Valley, the Peligro was the first to arrive at the Chateau de Chenonceau. A sign pointed the puzzle hunt racers towards the gardens of the Chateau. Jessie pulled to a halt near the gardens, jumped out and ran over to where the dinner table had been set up.

"Well, I guess I can give you that raise now since we were first here." said Giovanni to James.

"Oh, thanks boss!" James beamed.

"When we get back to Kanto, I'll pay you all an extra two dollars." Giovanni smiled.

James and Meowth sighed in disappointment.

"You're so generous." Meowth grumbled.

As the other puzzle hunt contestants arrived and headed over to the gardens, Jessie had taken her seat at the table and her hands had been tied.

"So, what is it, garcon?" she asked the official. "I hope it's not escargot."

"No it isn't, mademoiselle." the official said, looking a bit put out as a delicious looking chicken dish was set in front of her and the chess clock was readied as the others arrived.

"It's Coq au Vin." the official said.

"Magnifique!" Jessie smirked.

"And by the way: 'garcon' means 'boy'. It's highly insulting." the official said sternly.

Jessie sweat dropped. "Sorry." she said sheepishly.

* * *

Back in Paris, the Tempest got ready to exit the city. Bam looked very irritated. On his comms screen, the Bloodhound Gang were seen in the Four Dragons' parking lot with the Job. Well, most of them were. Jared was absent for some reason.

"So, guys. What's this special thing you were going to do to the Job for me?" Bam asked. "Anything will make me happier right now."

"Well then, just watch, Bam." said Q-Ball. "Let us take cover first though."

Bam looked confused as the BG went out of the camera's sight.

"What's going on?" asked Tony.

The camera pulled out to reveal Jared sitting behind a stack of sandbags and at the trigger of a large minigun, wearing a military helmet and ear protectors.

"Son of a..." Bam began.

"Do it, Jared!" the Yin yelled.

Jared laughed maniacally as he opened fire on the Job. Within about thirty seconds, the Hummer limo had been reduced to a flaming, bullet-ridden hulk.

As Jared laughed, Jimmy appeared on camera strumming an acoustic guitar.

"The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire." he sang. "The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire. The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire. We don't need no water, let the mother(bleep)er burn! Burn, mother(bleep)er, burn!"

The rest of the BG returned and laughed along with Jimmy and Jared.

"Let that be a lesson to you not to lose us half a million bucks, Brandon Margera!" Jared laughed.

"You guys are SO dead when I get back!" Bam said.

"Yeah, right!" scoffed Daniel. "If you win the Cannonball you can always pay for the damages."

"So dig yourself up some motivation from that." Jimmy said.

Bam grunted and turned the comms screen off.

* * *

Back at the Chateau de Chenonceau, Jessie had been the first to finish the meal of Coq au Vin. She angrily checked her appearance in her compact mirror.

"Damn! I've got chicken meat all around my mouth and a load of wine stains! I look like a baby after its' lunch!" she moaned.

"Oh, dry up, Jessie! You'll get cleaned up soon." said James as he looked at the next clue.

"Find the world's largest aquarium in the city where Christopher Columbus was born." he said.

"The guy who directed 'Home Alone' is from Europe?" asked Daffy.

"Wrong Chris Columbus, featherbrain." scoffed Pitt. "It means the Christopher Columbus whom everyone thought discovered America."

"Well, I do know that Leif Ericsson was really the one." Giovanni remarked.

"Nope. It was a noble Roman named Junius Venator." said Giordino. "You see, a few years ago we found..."

"HEY! Spare us the stories of past triumphs if you will!" said the Drake. "Do you know where we have to go?"

"Genoa." Gunn deadpanned.

"Do I know who?" asked Homer.

"Genoa in Italy, you eejit!" said Max.

"Oh right." said Homer.

"So, I think we should get going now!" said Pitt.

"We'll have to go through Belgium and Germany because it's in Northern Italy." Laura added.

"Okay, then everybody get the lead out!" yelled Bugs.

The puzzle hunt teams headed for their vehicles, with Meowth howling in excitement as they went.

The official watched them go. "(And leave us with all the washing up! Bloody tourists!)" he grumbled in French.

* * *

The Juice pulled up outside the Paris police station where Mason had been taken.

Coach Knox checked the blueprints of the building which he had found thanks to a bit of computer hacking.

"The cells are on the East side of the building." he reported.

"Okay. Let's go check it out." said Spike as he and Vinny got out of the Juice and wandered around the building, making sure to duck under the windows as they went.

When they reached the east side of the station, Spike saw a series of barred windows and glanced in each one until he found Mason.

"Hey, buddy. How are you?" Spike asked.

"I'm okay for now. But just get me the hell out of here." Mason whispered.

"We haven't got much time, so we'll have to think of something fast." whispered Vinny. "The General and Gunny are going to break the Road Lord out of impound in about ten minutes. You can bet it'll be all over the radio."

Spike looked around and noticed the CM Venga parked near the cells. In fact, it seemed right in line with the wall of Mason's cell.

"This is Clouseau's car, right?" Spike asked as he got his toolkit ready.

"Yeah." said Mason. "And you know how powerful it is compared to a regular 2CV after it managed to catch me."

"Then this should be no problem." Spike said as he went towards the CM Venga. "Keep me covered, Vinny."

* * *

Zorak and Moltar had just left the American Hospital of Paris, and were both very concerned. The administrators had no record of Space Ghost being admitted and certainly had no record of the Manhattan Spirit being registered as one of their vehicles.

"As much as I dislike Space Ghost, I'd hate to see him used as a hostage." Zorak said. "Call one of the protectors about it, okay?"

"Right." said Moltar as he connected their comms to the Wildchild, which was now in Belgium.

Richard took the call. "Right. You say it was a '59 Cadillac Ambulance? Like the one the Ghostbusters have?" he asked as Moltar relayed the details to him.

"That's right. And there's three American women driving it." Moltar remarked.

Richard checked his on-board computer. "There's an APB out in Arizona for such a vehicle. Stolen from a hospital near Tucson a few days ago." he said. "I've got the license number now." he said.

Just then, the Manhattan Spirit cut past him and drove off at high speed.

"Well, whaddaya know?" he asked himself as he drove the Wildchild off after the Manhattan Spirit, careful not to arouse suspicion.

"Hold on, guys. I'll get Space Ghost back. Head for Antwerp in Belgium. We'll rendezvous there when the rescue mission is done." he continued into his communicator.

"Okay. Good luck. And thanks." Moltar remarked.

* * *

Back in the Paris Surete station, Virginia Fairchild had dropped in and approached Cato. She smiled and shook his hand.

"Master Fong. It's good to see you again." she said.

"And you too, Virginia. I take it that your skills have come in useful in apprehending any troublesome parole violators." Cato smiled.

Clouseau came over and heard that last bit.

"Am I missing something here, Cato?" he asked.

"Well, you remember those few years I was helping my grandmother out with her Miami Beach bingo parlour, Inspector?" Cato said. "I also briefly opened a dojo. Ms. Fairchild here was my best student."

"Oh, wonderful. It is an honour to meet you, mademoiselle." Clouseau said as he kissed Virginia's hand in a gentlemanly way.

"Thank you, Inspector Clouseau. I was hoping I would run into you as well as Master Fong as I need your help with the Cannonball Run." Virginia said.

"In what way if I may ask?" asked Clouseau.

"A parolee of mine is taking part and has violated his parole by doing so. He's a tough cookie and I know that these Cannonballers look after their own." Virginia explained. "I know of your reputation as one of the greatest detectives in the world with a huge arrest record, inspector. And I know how Master Fong has been great help to you since he officially joined the Surete. That's why I feel that with your aid, I could bring this guy in."

"Interesting." said Clouseau. "But from what I hear, there is already a contingent of police officers working against the Cannonball. I'd need to think about it."

Just then, Spike ran into the station, looking roughed up and in a panic.

"Monsieur Clouseau!" he yelled. "I need your help urgently. My wife has just been abducted! I saw the perpetrators drive off in a yellow BMW. I can show you which way they went! PLEASE, help me!"

Clouseau and Cato looked at each other stunned.

"I think I'll have to handle this first, Ms. Fairchild." said Clouseau. "But this should not take long."

Clouseau pulled on his raincoat and put his hat on as he and Cato ran out of the station and around the side to where the CM Venga was parked.

As the two got in and fastened their seatbelts, Clouseau started the car up and put it in gear.

As he pressed the accelerator, the CM Venga suddenly went into reverse and crashed through the wall of Mason's cell.

Mason had stood clear and avoided the crash and laughed.

He ran out through the new hole in the wall and gave a mock salute to Clouseau as he left.

He joined up with Spike and they ran to the front of the station, where General Warwick had driven up with the Thunder while Gunny quickly jumped out of the newly liberated Road Lord and threw the keys to Mason.

"Okay, let's get the hell outta here before every cop in Paris is on us!" yelled Warwick as the Juice joined them and drove off.

A whole squad of police officers ran out of the station as Mason and Spike got back into the Road Lord and drove off.

A few of them fired their weapons but soon Mason and his friends were long gone.

Clouseau and Cato had rushed around to the front too. Clouseau angrily glared after the escapees as Virginia joined them.

"I have changed my mind, Ms. Fairchild." Clouseau angrily said. "I would be happy to help you out with these lead-footed lunatics! No one makes a fool out of Clouseau and gets away with it!"

"You've been getting away with it yourself for years." Cato thought to himself.

Mason and Spike laughed in the Road Lord. "A little tooling with his transmission, huh?" asked Mason.

"Yep. Switched gear and reverse around. It could take a while for him to fix it and we should be long gone by then." said Spike.

"I hope so. I'd hate to think we've made a new enemy." Mason said.

"Hey, Clouseau usually only succeeds by accident from what I've heard." Coach Knox said over the radio. "But we won't underestimate him even so."

"Right. Now, on with the Cannonball." said Mason.

* * *

Goliath sped down the road through Belgium. Garthe Knight drove as usual and sitting in the back and front were the Pollution Ministers. All four made the decision to work together to catch the Cannonballers.

"(What a great idea Garthe-San!)" Yogostein said. "(We'll catch those Cannonballers in no time!)"

"(I just hope your minions' customising skills are good enough.)" Garthe replied in Japanese.

Just ahead of them were the Yellow Bird and Sorcerer, both trying to upstage the other with a few other teams nearby trying to pass them. However it was difficult when two vehicles push, ram, and try to knock each other off the road.

"Asshole!" Tanner spat.

"Ram that guy again, CJ!" Tommy ordered. "No-one disses my swimming abilities and gets away with it!"

"Here we go..." Garthe said as he sped up to seventy miles per hour. Garthe got ready to arm the huge truck's missile launchers.

Goliath was almost upon the Cannonballers when...

"What the hell!" Garth slammed on the brakes as Goliath shook violently.

He looked at the rear-view mirror and saw that a back tire had broken off and bounced across the road. Even more unfortunate was the fact that the bouncing tire smashed the windshield of a car on the opposite side of the highway.

The tire shattered the car's windshield before flying into the woods nearby. The people in the car were unhurt but Goliath was once again out of action.

Dirk Pitt, as well as the other Cannonball teams nearby, saw the tire bounce off the windshield and it gave him a idea.

"I saw something like this on TV once." he said to himself as he searched through his iPod playlist to find the song he was looking for. When he found it he hit play and got onto the radio. "Alright everybody sing along with this song."

The teams in the Yellow Bird, Sorcerer, Vulcano, Peligro, Falcon and Panama all laughed as they took turns at singing the lines.

(Tommy Vercetti)  
It's big, it's mean, it's a bouncing machine!

(Tanner)  
It's the meanest damn radial the world has ever seen!

(Carl Johnson)  
Springing down the road, black top, hip-hop.

(Silent Bob)  
Lord only knows where the sucker's gonna stop.

Bob then fell back asleep, as Jay drove...

(Meowth)  
When it's coming your way high tail it quick!

(Giordino)  
And don't become the next victim... of a GALVANIZED RUBBERIZED SON OF A BITCH!

(Pitt)  
With a P.S.I. of eighty pounds per inch!

(Lara Croft)  
It's big, it's mean, it's a bouncing machine.

(James)  
It's the meanest damn radial the world's ever seen!

(Jessie)  
Springing down the blacktop hop by hop.

(Jay)  
Lord only knows where the (loud car horn) is going to stop!

Jay gave the driver that was trying to pass him the finger. Silent Bob woke up again, and realized it was only a driver practicing road rage. So he fell back asleep.

I'm racing here, you asshole! Jay shouted to the car that just rudely honked it's horn and cut them off. Claude wrote something down on a piece of paper and showed it on the web camera in the Yellow Bird to Dirk Pitt. Pitt had to look at it closely and laughed when it only said THE END".

"You realise you just lost your bet, Jay. Don't you?" asked Brodie.

"Not yet." said Jay. "The tubby bitch was asleep so he didn't hear it. He has to hear it for it to be official!"

Brodie smirked a bit. "I knew you'd find a way around it."

"If he DOES hear me say it, he has to say a certain phrase to let me know." Jay added. "THEN, I'll know I've lost the bet."

"Even so, I'd be careful if I were you. Silent Bob's no dumb ass." Gunn remarked over the radio.

* * *

As the night fell in the Belgian capital of Brussels, the Evenflow chased the Barbarian. Victoria laughed to herself as she had been able to maintain a decent pursuit of Michael Knight.

"Okay, you guys! I've got me a Cannonballer dead to rights here!" she said into her radio. "I'm heading north on Av. de l'Universite. Bullock, Montoya, you go to the East on Av. General Medicin Derache!"

"Roger!" said Montoya as she headed in the direction specified by Victoria at high speed.

"Slater, Michaels, you head West on the same street." Victoria said, There's a three-way intersection! We'll box him in!".

"Affirmative." Michaels remarked as the Speed Demon headed on its' course as well.

"We're gonna have to cut this very close, KITT." Michael remarked.

"I think I can handle it, Michael." KITT replied.

As the Barbarian and Evenflow came right up on the three way intersection, the Jawbreaker came in from the right and the Speed Demon from the left.

Just as they were about to box Michael in, KITT turbo-boosted over the intersection.

As this happened, Montoya and Michaels panicked and swerved to avoid each other. The Jawbreaker crashed through the front of a bakery and the Speed Demon mowed down a stack of trash cans, spilling garbage over Slater and Michaels.

"I need a beer!" moaned Slater as he looked at their state.

Victoria kept on going. "No way I'm letting this car get wrecked!" she thought to herself. "Hollywood wrecks too many American classics these days."

As she gathered more ground on the Barbarian, another black '08 Shelby Mustang GT500KR pulled up behind her. It had been following her since she had begun her pursuit of Michael but she hadn't noticed it.

Unlike KARR, this Mustang had a red light tracking back and forth on the hood. It was the Foundation's latest counterpart to KITT, except its' initials stood for the Knight Industries Three Thousand.

Behind the wheel was Michael's son Mike Traceur, also sometimes known by the soubriquet Michael Knight.

"Okay, KITT! Microlock her brakes!" Mike said.

"Affirmative, Michael!" said the new KITT as he activated his front scanner and caused the Evenflow's brakes to seize up.

"What the hell?" yelled Victoria as the Evenflow came to a halt.

KITT 3000 then overtook her and eventually caught up with the Barbarian.

Mike activated the communications equipment to speak to his father.

"Hey, dad. See you were having your usual trouble with authority." Mike said.

"Mike? This is unexpected. Come to cheer your old man on in the Cannonball?" Michael asked.

"Actually to offer our help and to warn you." said KITT 3000. "You no doubt know about KARR resurfacing."

"Yes, unfortunately we do, dear brother." KITT said.

"Please don't call me that." KITT 3000 said.

"Well should I call you KITT Jr. or something then?" KITT said mischievously.

"I see that my dad's sense of humour rubbed off on you, KITT" Mike said. "But seriously, KARR isn't the only danger to the Cannonballers or to you."

"These images were taken from speed cameras in the Appalachian Mountains and in Belgium fairly recently." said KITT 3000 as he uploaded the pictures to the Barbarian's heads-up display.

Michael looked stunned as he saw Goliath.

"My God!" he said.

"I can't believe that big snub-nosed brute is back!" KITT said in equal disbelief.

"And guess who was positively I.D'd as the driver?" asked Mike.

"Garthe." Michael said grimly.

"Indeed yes." said KITT 3000. "Both our teams are to rendezvous with Dr. Barstow and Mr. Cornelius in Amsterdam. We are to receive additional weaponry. Anything that may aid us against Garthe Knight and KARR before they can cause a catastrophe."

"We understand." Michael said as the Barbarian followed KITT 3000's lead.

"Garthe and KARR. And it isn't even my birthday!" Michael sighed to himself.

"I fail to see why getting either of them as a birthday present would please you, Michael." KITT said.

"KITT, shut up." Michael moaned.

* * *

In the city of Antwerp, the four Golden Lords drove along in a gold-painted '49 Mercury Coupe called the Hitman.

Goldilocks sat at the wheel while Simon was in the passenger seat. Uzi and Digit sat in the back.

They came up to a set of traffic lights where Herbie was sitting.

Simon and Goldilocks looked over at Mickey's team and smiled smugly.

"Check this, losers!" Simon yelled as he turned up the Hitman's radio. It played the song 'Odyssey' by Johnny Harris.

As it played, Goldilocks activated the hydraulics on the Hitman and made it 'dance' a bit to the music.

The Golden Lords all laughed as Mickey, Donald, and Goofy looked a bit embarrassed.

But suddenly, Herbie perked up and started to do a few 'dance' moves of his own, including spinning himself around in a circle and flipping himself over and landing safely on his wheels again.

As the light turned green, Herbie honked his horn triumphantly and did another back-wheel wheelie out of the intersection.

Simon looked angry as Goldilocks sped up the Hitman and roared after them.

"Fine! If they refuse to lose with dignity, then they die like dogs!" He said as he activated a switch on the dashboard,

On top of the Hitman's hood, a machine gun popped up on either side of the car.

Uzi took control of the firing switch and tried to take out Herbie as he drove on.

However, Herbie was more than able to avoid the gunfire thanks to some more of his 'dance' moves and quick turns.

"I told you practicing using a video game wouldn't work, Uzi!" Goldilocks yelled.

"Where the hell's your gun then?" Uzi demanded.

"Alright! Next time, we'll sic Digit on 'em!" Simon said in an annoyed tone.

Digit smiled to himself evilly.

Suddenly, there was a large bump as the Hitman was rear-ended by the Darkness.

The Golden Lords looked angry.

"Digit, deal with that asshole!" Simon yelled.

In the Darkness, Stone Cold and Rob Zombie looked a bit angry at Nemesis, who was driving.

"Why didn't you hit the brakes?" demanded Rob.

"Sssstarrrs!" Nemesis replied.

"We shouldn't have to tell you too!" Stone Cold said. "You need to look out for the other guy!"

Digit got out of the Hitman and approached the Darkness, growling at the top of his voice.

"YOU IDIOT!" he yelled as he approached the driver's side window. "YOU BASTARD! YOU DUMB SH..."

He broke off and stared in shock as he saw Nemesis in the driver's seat of the Darkness.

After looking a bit freaked out for a few seconds, Digit smiled nervously.

"Oh, I'm sorry sir. Were we in your way? I'm very sorry. We'll not hold you up any more." he chuckled in a cowed tone.

He went and got back in the Hitman. Simon, Goldilocks and Uzi had seen Nemesis and his equally scary partners as well and had no desire to hang around.

Goldilocks floored the Hitman's accelerator and they drove off.

"Pansies!" Stone Cold thought to himself.

* * *

Elsewhere in the city, the Manhattan Spirit headed towards Big Boss' safehouse. Sissy, Chrissy and Missy all sat up front, unaware that the Wildchild still followed them.

Richard was careful to keep his distance, occasionally cutting in behind trucks and other vehicles to avoid being spotted.

He reached under the dashboard and got his gun ready.

Neither group were aware that in the back of the Manhattan Spirit, Space Ghost had regained consciousness.

He heard the three girls laughing evilly in the front of the vehicle and realised he had been abducted.

He managed to avoid panicking and started to carefully rock back and forth on the gurney, causing its' wheels to move out of their slots.

Making sure he was unheard, he managed to get the gurney loose.

Just as he did so, the Manhattan Spirit went up a hill. This caused the gurney to roll backwards and to knock the back door open.

"Oh crap." Space Ghost grumbled to himself as the gurney flew out the back of the old ambulance and landed on the road.

Richard looked stunned and swerved to let the gurney roll down the hill past him.

He quickly did a U-turn and drove back after Space Ghost, who was now rolling down the street out of control.

"GANGWAY, PEOPLE! WATCH IT!" yelled Space Ghost as the gurney rolled through several lanes of traffic, miraculously not getting hit.

He knocked over a few trash cans as the gurney mounted a pavement.

"The hell with this!" he grunted as he flexed his chest and arm muscles and managed to get out of his restraints.

As he did, the gurney rolled through the open door of a nearby night club.

It was the club where the Impossibles were playing their gig. As they came to the end of 'Summer in The City' they looked surprised as the gurney rolled to a halt in front of the stage.

Space Ghost applauded them as Dudley Do-Right came up to him.

"I've heard of hospital radio, but I never thought someone could get out of hospital to hear a live performance." Dudley remarked.

"Any news of where my team is?" asked Space Ghost as Richard came through the door.

"I'll call them now." said Richard.

"Well, that was a bit of an anti-climax." he thought to himself. "I hope I get to see some real action soon."

* * *

Back at Race Central, Brock had a discussion with the Killers, who were rather annoyed.

"I'm telling you we're not going to do it." said Brandon Flowers.

"I wish I didn't have to ask you to, but I do." said Brock. "The producers want you guys to play 'Can't Stop The World' since the song didn't get as much exposure as they'd hoped."

"Yeah, I know." said guitarist Dave Keuning. "Because it was on that show about the cross-country road race. Can't figure out how that show failed."

"I can." said bassist Mark Stoermer. "It was on Fox."

"Nevertheless, you guys are being asked to perform it." said Brock. "I'm sorry, but there's no other way around it."

"Can't we perform a more car-centric song instead?" asked drummer Ronnie Vannucci Jr. "You know, like 'Ventura Highway', 'The Road', or 'Radar Love'?"

"The producers have made their demand." said Brock. "I know this is not what you were hoping for. I'm sure that Elvis Costello felt the same way when NBC's producers wouldn't let him perform 'Radio, Radio' on 'Saturday Night Live' all those years ago. I think you can remember how that turned out."

"I think I do." said Brandon.

"I was hoping you would." said Brock.

* * *

Meanwhile, back in Antwerp, the Licorne, the Ecureil and the Espion were all lined up at the beginning of a long straightaway. They were preparing for a quarter mile dash.

At the wheel of the Licorne was Donkey.

"Are you sure you can handle this, Donkey?" asked Fiona unsurely.

"Ain't a problem, princess! Especially with Puss keeping an eye on that doodad Shrek fixed up." Donkey smirked.

The 'doodad in question was a meter that would show Puss when the exact time to shift was so that the Licorne would handle the race.

"Aye, well I hope it'll work, that's all." Shrek said. "Especially with the audience we've got here."

Over at the side of the road was Donkey's loving wife Dragon, who smiled with pride that her husband was getting a chance to race.

Along with her were the three Dronkeys, her and Donkey's dragon/donkey hybrid children who were cheering their father on.

Behind the wheels of the Ecureil and the Espion were Ethan and Parfait respectively.

"Alright. I hope you remember how to shift here, pal." Ethan remarked to Donkey.

"Sure I do." smiled Donkey. "Is it upshift or downshift by the way?"

Parfait looked at Donkey as if he didn't have a clue. "Upshift of course. Why would you want to go SLOWER in a quarter mile dash?"

"Okay. Let's do this!" Snake said as he stepped out of the Espion to signal the start of the race.

Donkey, Parfait and Ethan all revved their engines.

Snake brought his hands down and the race began.

Parfait took the lead but the Licorne quickly gained on her.

Puss checked his readout. "Okay, shift NOW!" he yelled as he saw the display.

Donkey reached for the gear lever but couldn't grip it properly because of the fact that he had hooves instead of hands.

"And I thought the steering wheel was hard!" he groaned to himself as the engine started to make a weird noise.

"What gear are you in?" Shrek yelled

"Just a minute!" Donkey yelled back as he still tried in vain to shift.

The Licorne suddenly came to a halt, with smoke coming from the engine compartment.

Donkey shrunk down in his seat as the other three members of the team glared at him.

"Oops." Donkey said sheepishly.

"Oops? You blew the engine and all you can say is 'oops', Senor Stupido?" Puss yelled.

"That settles it. You stay in back from now on, Donkey." Shrek said sternly as they saw the Espion and the Ecureil continue the race, with the Ecureil winning.

Dragon and the Dronkeys came over. Dragon looked sympathetically at Donkey.

"Sorry, baby." Donkey apologised.

Dragon just smiled and blew a ring of smoke in the shape of a heart.

Donkey smiled. "Well, at least I still have you, win or lose."

The Ecureil and the Espion came back towards the Licorne.

"Looks like you could use a tune-up." Dice remarked to Team Shrek. "I suppose I could do a free overhaul for you."

"Thanks, but why a free one?" asked Fiona.

"I don't think it would be wise to overcharge a guy who has a fire-breathing dragon at his disposal." joked Dice.

* * *

At his safehouse elsewhere in the city, Big Boss angrily reprimanded Sissy, Chrissy and Missy when they found out that Space Ghost had escaped.

"And I thought it wouldn't be possible to find someone dumber than my nephew Berserko!" he yelled. "From now on, I want at least one of you to ride in the back of that meat wagon so you WON'T screw up again! GOT IT?"

"Yes, Big Boss, we get you." Sissy replied, angered at the humiliation.

Dr. Badvibes was also present and he tapped Big Boss on the shoulder.

"You needn't be too concerned, Big Boss. I just sent some more help into the field." he said.

"Well, it better not cost me too much." Big Boss grumbled.

"Don't worry. All this guy wants is to make people suffer." Badvibes smirked as he went over to a window and looked out of it.

He saw a car drive off at high speed into the night, honking its' horn angrily.

"Go get 'em, Horace!" He thought to himself.

The car that had driven off was a solid black 1963 Volkswagen Beetle with tinted windows. The windows hid the fact that the car was driverless.

The car was Horace, an evil counterpart to Herbie who had been created by twisted race car driver Simon Moore.

Dr. Badvibes had brought him back after his destruction in 1997. And now, he had his mind set on revenge, particularly against Herbie.

As Horace drove through the night, he activated one of his modifications and shot a laser beam at a car in front of him, taking out its rear left tyre.

As the car skidded to regain control, Horace honked his horn in delight and sped off.

He loved mayhem of any kind on the road.

* * *

"Okay, folks. Night is now falling and the Cannonballers have made great progress through mainland Europe." said Toni.

We've just heard that the puzzle hunt participants are now on their way to Holland along with half of the pack. Leading is Seymour Drake's team in the Utopia." said Thunder Bob.

"And as we nearly say good night to them for today, we have some music from the Killers." Toni announced.

The Killers took the stage. Ronnie began tapping out a tune on his drums. Dave started to strum his guitar, then Brandon started to sing.

**How far will you go?**  
**How deep is your love?**  
**Your body's bruised, and on fire.**  
**Can't stop the world.**  
**Can't stop desire.**

**And I can't turn around.**

As the song was being played, Pitt's team caught up to the Utopia. Pitt looked rather annoyed at the slow song being played.

"Great. Some nice fall asleep at the wheel music." he said sarcastically.

"Couldn't they pick something with a little more LIFE?" said the Drake in frustration in the Utopia's passenger seat.

Suddenly, Brandon turned to the band, waved his hands, and yelled "Hold it, hold it, hold it!" The band stopped playing. He then turned back to the audience and said "I'm terribly sorry, folks. There's no reason to perform this song tonight. Ready? One! Two! Three!"

Mark strummed his bass three times, then let the notes echo out. A second later, he strummed three times again. Pitt's and the Drake's teams immediately perked up as they recognised those opening chords.

"About freakin' time!" said Giordino.

"Yes!" yelled the Drake in pure delight.

After another pause, Mark strummed seven more times, then Ronnie joined in. Brandon joined in on vocals.

**I've been driving all night, my hand's wet on the wheel.**  
**There's a voice in my head that drives my heel.**  
**It's my baby calling, says "I need you here".**  
**And it's a-half past four, I'm shifting gear.**

**When she is lonely and the longing gets too much.**  
**She sends a cable coming in from above.**  
**Don't need a phone at all.**

**We got a thing that's called radar love.**  
**We got a wave in the air.**  
**Radar love.**

In the Utopia, the Drake began to tap his hands on the dashboard in time with the song's drumbeat.

**The radio's playing some forgotten song.**  
**Brenda Lee, "Coming On Strong".**  
**The road has got me hypnotized.**  
**And I'm speeding into a new sunrise.**

**When I get lonely and I'm sure I've had enough,**  
**She sends her comfort coming in from above.**  
**Don't need a letter at all.**

**We got a thing that's called radar love.**  
**We got a line in the sky.**  
**Radar love.**

As the song went into its lengthy instrumental break, Team NUMA all banged their heads while Giordino and Gunn both played air guitar and keyboards respectively.

As the big drum solo came in, the Drake thumped his hands on the dashboard in time with it and managed to keep time with it exactly.

As the singing started again, both cars made the crossing into Rotterdam.

**No more speed, I'm almost there.**  
**Gotta keep cool now, gotta take care.**  
**Last car to pass, here I go.**  
**The line of cars drove down real slow.**

**The radio played that forgotten song.**  
**Brenda Lee, "Coming On Strong".**  
**The news man sang his same song.**  
**One more radar lover gone.**

**When I get lonely and I'm sure I've had enough.**  
**She sends her comfort coming in from above.**  
**Don't need no letter at all.**

**We got a thing that's called radar love.**  
**We got a line in the sky.**  
**We got a thing and it's called radar love.**  
**We got a thing that's called,**  
**radar love.**

-"Radar Love" by Golden Earring.

* * *

Up ahead, on the road near Gouda, Buffy got on her radio.

"Eric, are you out there?" she asked.

"This is Eric. Go ahead."

"David Abbott told me about your friend." said Buffy. "His friend Darryl says he's found out where he is."

"Where is he?" asked Eric.

"According to Darryl, he's been tracked to a nightclub in Amsterdam." said Buffy.

"Of course!" said Eric.

"Sounds logical that he'd go to a nightclub because he can find potential victims about his age there." said Jordan.

"And he'd definitely go to Holland because there, you can legally buy...tapioca." said Eric. Luckily, he caught himself before mentioning the gang's illicit activities.

"We're on our way to the club." said Buffy.

"Yeah, we're on our way, too." said Eric.

"So, let's get the hammer down then." said Veronica.

Buffy checked their GPS and picked up the radio again. "I'm calling in some back-up. Just in case." she said.

"Dr. Banzai?" asked Jordan.

"Not just yet, but they can kick as much ass." Buffy replied.

* * *

In a construction yard in Amsterdam, the FLAG semi truck was parked. Bonnie and RC3 both made modifications to the Barbarian and KITT 3000 as Michael and Mike looked on.

"As much as we hope things won't get too tense, we have to prepare you for all eventualities." Bonnie said to Michael. "So, I'm giving you back the microjam feature and the deflector windows. The resonating laser is being beefed up as well."

"Much appreciated, Bonnie." replied Michael. "What about the other KITT? How's he being modified?"

"That's a little secret for now, Michael." RC3 remarked. "But we have no doubt you guys will be able to hold your own when Garthe and KARR strike."

"Let's hope so." Mike remarked. "I just heard a report from FLAG intelligence that Garthe's old buddy Tsombe Kuna just sent a battalion of his Pan-African Liberation Movement soldiers to help out as Garthe's been having a few problems."

"Well, if he wants to tangle with us, he'll have to prepare for twice the trouble." KITT remarked. "I just hope that that brute Goliath won't be too much of a problem this time."

"That's nothing." KITT 3000 remarked. "With his new abilities, KARR is no pushover either."

"Well, we're still gonna kick some ass!" Michael said. "No one is gonna threaten the other Cannonballers on my watch!"

"Or mine!" agreed Mike.

Bonnie smiled. "I bet you guys never thought a father/son bonding exercise could be like this, huh?"

* * *

The Usagi pulled into the parking lot of the club called Winter House. Buffy and her team-mates climbed out to find the Megere and the Reckless waiting for them.

"There." said Veronica. She spotted a silver pearlescent Lancer Evolution.

"IRL." said Buffy. "That's definitely her car."

"You want to mention what's going on?" asked Kelso.

"Okay, an associate of mine, Nigel Townsend, got some information on the vampires." said Jordan. "This car belongs to the woman who was in there and turned into a vampire with Hyde."

"So, who's the guy who saw the vampire?" asked Buffy.

David looked at Elizabeth and realized he had some explaining to do. "It's complicated." he said.

"Don't say it." said Elizabeth.

"It's like this." said David.

"No." said Elizabeth.

"After I moved into my apartment, I discovered a ghost living there." said David.

"David!" said Elizabeth.

"Her name is Elizabeth." said David. "For some reason, only I can see her. She decided to come along and she went into the castle. She saw the vampire."

Buffy looked at him for a second. "I've seen stranger." she said. "Bring her. We need her to identify the vamp."

"You are so lucky." said Elizabeth.

"You know, if all of us go in there, it's going to attract attention." said Eric. "Maybe someone should stay with the cars."

Jordan and Veronica looked at each other. "I'll stay." said Jordan.

"Yeah, me too." said Fez.

"Alright, let's go." said Buffy. She led the others into the nightclub.

After they walked past a few cars, Eric froze in shock. "Uh oh." he said.

"What's wrong?" asked Veronica.

"This is my cousin's car." said Eric as he pointed out the Bonfire.

Jordan's cell phone went off. She answered it. "Jordan Cavanaugh."

"Jordan, do you still have a pulse?" asked Nigel on the other end. He was rather frantic.

Jordan checked her pulse. "Yeah." she said.

"Good." said Nigel. "I did some additional checking on Alexander Lucard. Much of his background appears to be fabricated."

"Not surprising for an undead fiend." said Jordan.

"Anyways, I went looking into his background when I noticed something." said Nigel. "If you abbreviate his first name, combine it with his last name, and reverse it, you get..."

Jordan did the letter jumbling in her head and became very alarmed. "Oh God." she said. "Nigel, I gotta call you back."

"Godspeed, Jordan." said Nigel as he hung up.

Jordan folded up her cell phone and started for the club. After two steps, she had a thought and went back to the car. She reached in, took a medallion from the rear-view, and went back to the club.

In the club, Buffy and the other Cannonballers looked around. "Does Elizabeth see anyone she recognizes?" she asked.

"No, the crowd's too thick." said Elizabeth.

"She doesn't see him." said David.

"Okay, here's the plan." said Buffy. "Veronica and I will search the various crowds for possible vampires. Elizabeth will do the same with David and Darryl. Eric and Kelso will do so as well and try to find Eric's cousin and get them to safety."

"Got it." said Eric.

"Let's go." said Veronica.

The teams split up just before Jordan and Fez came running up to the bouncer.

"You have to let us in." she said. "Some of our friends are in grave danger."

"Sorry, babe." said the bouncer. "Can't let you in without ID."

"Well, would you settle for this?" asked Fez. He quickly started doing a disco dance. He finished by doing a knee slide and springing back to his feet.

"You know, I think I can let you in." said the bouncer.

"Thank you." said Jordan.

* * *

Janice relaxed in her room at the Pink Swan hotel in Las Venturas. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. She got up to answer it.

It turned out to be Gob with a radio. "Hello there, Janice." he said.

"How did you find me?" asked Janice.

"Warden Gentiles gave you up." said Gob. "But don't worry. I'm not here for revenge. I just thought there might be something between us and decided to see if that was right."

"Oh." said Janice. "Well, I did say you were kind of cute. But how are you in bed?"

"How about we see?" asked Gob.

Janice smiled and jumped onto the bed. Gob walked over to the dresser, set down the radio, and pressed play on the tape player. He then got next to Janice and started to make out with her as "With Or Without You" started to play.

As the two of them moved their hands to each other's shoulders, the lyrics began. However, the singer's voice was deeper and rougher than Bono's.

"Who is this singer?" asked Janice between kisses.

"It's me." said Gob.

Janice stopped making out with Gob, quickly rolled over him, and hit the stop button. "You like making love while listening to yourself sing?" she asked.

"Oh, come on!" yelled Gob. He looked at her for a couple of seconds, then said "I mean seriously, that can't be the strangest sexual habit you've ever seen."

She looked at him. "Yeah, you're right." she said. They went back to making out.

* * *

Elizabeth slipped through the crowd and finally came upon Maeve.

"Well, you're not going to disappear on me again, are you?" she asked.

"Where's your friend?" asked David.

"Over here." said Dracula. "You must be the friend of this...spirit."

"Yeah, we go back a while." said David.

"Man, I'm getting a totally bogus vibe from this guy!" said Darryl.

"I have that effect on people." said Dracula.

"Where's Hyde?" asked Elizabeth.

"He went to check out the bar." said Dracula.

Eric and Kelso made their way to the bar where they found Corey and Tuesday.

"Hey, cuz!" said Corey. "Stop off for a little fun?"

"Corey, you have to get out of here." said Eric. "You have no idea how much danger you are in. Where's Katie and Roger?"

Katie sat at the bar and struggled to keep her head up.

"What did she take?" asked Kelso.

"I don't know." said Corey. "She left my sight for two minutes and she was like that when I found her."

"What about Roger?" asked Eric.

"He should be over..." said Tuesday as she pointed to the back of the bar. They saw Hyde biting into a screaming Roger.

"Jesus!" said Corey.

Meanwhile, David and Elizabeth continued to stare down Dracula and Maeve.

"You know, this would be a good time to release our friends from your spell." said David.

"Explain something first." said Dracula. "How is it you can see this lady and not be one of us?"

"It's a long story." said Elizabeth.

"They're over here." said Darryl as he led Buffy and Veronica to Dracula.

"Okay." said Buffy. "Now to see...oh, for God's sake."

"Wait, you know each other?" asked Veronica.

"We've met." said Buffy and Dracula simultaneously.

"Guys, this is none other than Count Dracula." said Buffy.

David, Darryl, and Veronica looked at him in shock.

"Oh, was that important?" asked Elizabeth.

"Of course, A. Lucard is 'Dracula' backwards." said Veronica.

"Nigel figured that out as well." said Jordan as she stood near the tables with Fez.

"Is that Nigel Townsend you are referring to?" asked Dracula. "I finally found the internet last year. I have found his blog most interesting."

"That's the one." said Jordan as she held her hand behind her back. She held the medallion in her hand with the chain hooked on her index finger.

"You must be this Jordan I've read about." said Dracula. "I could use a strong woman like you in my army. No offense, Maeve."

"I look forward to working with her." said Maeve.

"What do you say?" asked Dracula.

"St. Christopher sends his regards." said Jordan. She then threw the medallion at Dracula.

He caught the medallion and it started to burn his hand. He let out a groan of pain.

"Righteous." said Darryl. "And I mean that literally."

The crowd saw this and started to make for the exit.

"Go on, get out of here." said Eric.

"But Roger!" said Corey.

"Leave me!" gasped Roger as Hyde released him.

"Come on, let's get Katie and go!" said Tuesday.

Corey grabbed Katie and guided her out of the club. On their way out, they ran across the Angels.

"Looks like the place." said Dylan.

"Oh good, my backup's arrived." said Buffy.

"Standard vampire situation?" asked Natalie.

"Mostly." said Veronica. "We've got friendlies among the undead."

"That could be a problem." said Alex.

"Let's go and get your guys out of there." said Dylan.

Jordan came face to face with Maeve. "So, this Townsend found us." said Maeve.

"He's also gone through your credit card statement." said Jordan. "If you spare me, I'll let you have a go at him."

"He's what?" asked Maeve. Alex leaped in and performed a foot sweep, knocking her down.

"Yeah, think about that." said Jordan.

Elizabeth snuck through the crowd trying to find David. Instead, she found Roger who had completely changed.

"Well, who's the hot girl?" he asked.

"If you don't mind, I must be going." said Elizabeth. She ran for the door to the back. Roger followed her.

Dylan rolled over a table and looked around for anything out of the ordinary. While she was looking, Hyde tackled her to the floor.

"Sorry, babe." he said. "It's just a bad habit of mine."

She threw him off. He jumped up and tried to attack her again. She threw him into the wall with a judo throw.

"Ah, why'd you do that?" asked Hyde. "I said I was sorry!"

Dylan smirked at him, then another vampire put a hand on her shoulder. Dylan turned to face this new threat and froze in shock.

In the backrooms, Elizabeth led Roger on a merry chase.

"It'll only hurt for a second." he said.

"Yeah, I doubt that." said Elizabeth.

She looked down a dark hallway and got an idea. She ran down the hallway and Roger followed. After she passed into the shadows, she passed through a wall. A second later, she heard a thud as Roger ran into the wall.

"Live and learn." she said.

* * *

Corey raced down the road trying to put as much distance between him and the club as possible. Katie sat in the backseat trying to regain her composure.

"I can't believe we just faced down a horde of vampires." said Tuesday.

"And I can't believe they got Roger." said Corey. "Let's hope there's a way out of this."

"Guys, I'm thirsty." said Katie.

"Didn't you have enough at the club?" snapped Tuesday.

"I mean it." said Katie. "I'm really thirsty."

"Okay, we'll stop at the next convenience store and get you something." said Corey.

"No, I mean I'm really thirsty right now." said Katie.

Corey suddenly had a sick feeling. He looked in the rear-view. He did not see his sister.

Katie bared her fangs and said "Just a little bite. Okay?"

Corey quickly brought the car to a halt and he and Tuesday bailed out and ran.

"Hey, you owe me, Corey!" said Katie. "I'll tell the world!"

* * *

Back at the club, Buffy and Natalie double-teamed Dracula.

"Does it ever get tiring to keep facing the Cannonballers every year?" asked Natalie as she delivered a series of punches.

"Once in a while." said Dracula as he blocked the punches.

"Tell me something else." said Buffy as she performed a series of spin kicks. "Why is it you look different from the vampires of Sunnydale?"

"It's something we do not discuss with outsiders." said Dracula as he intercepted the kicks.

Natalie pulled back her fist to make a punch, but it was grabbed by someone else. She turned to see who it was and was surprised to see it was Dylan.

"Dylan?" she asked.

Dylan quickly bared her fangs and scared the wits out of Natalie.

"Oh, this is bad." said Buffy.

"What happened?" asked Natalie.

"She was distracted...by me." said Alex. Everyone turned to see she had become a vampire as well.

"Oh, give me a break!" yelled Natalie.

"My fight with that real estate agent didn't go as planned." said Alex. "Needless to say, things are not looking good for those of you who are still human."

"Buffy, get out of here." said Natalie. "The situation is out of control."

"I'll get you out and stage a new battle." said Buffy.

"I can't get out of Dylan's grip." said Natalie. "Run!"

Buffy tried to escape. "I'm coming back for you." she said.

"Not if you can't escape." said Dracula as he stood in front of the exit.

Buffy jumped onto a table, then somersaulted over the lattice screen and made for the door.

"Not bad." said Dracula. "Definitely a worthy opponent."

"Worthy indeed." said Natalie. "You're as good as doomed."

"So are you, my dear." said Dracula.

Dylan grabbed Natalie's other wrist and forced her against the wall. Natalie struggled to escape Dylan's grip while Dylan leaned in closer to her neck. Finally, she stopped struggling, tilted her head to the side, and said "Okay, make it quick."

TO BE CONTINUED

AN:We would just like to point out that this chapter was in the works while Mary MacAleese was still president of Ireland. Also, the destruction of the Job was not in reference to the death of Ryan Dunn.  
Thank you for reading and Happy Halloween.


	7. Let's Go Vampire Hunting

CANNONBALL RUN 7: HIGH SPEED HEROES by Bkelly95 and the Turbo Man.

CHAPTER SEVEN: 'Let's go vampire hunting':

* * *

Somewhere else in the Benelux region, the Detector drove along.

"Thanks for picking us up, 99." said Corey.

"No problem." said 99. "I thought I couldn't leave you out there with all the vampires around."

"Hey, why weren't you at the club?" asked Tuesday.

"Someone had to stay with the car." said 99. "I thought it should be me since the Angels work so well together."

"You could've helped them." said Corey.

"Yeah, then we'd be down one vampire instead of three Angels." said Tuesday.

"No, you had to stay in the car." said Corey.

"Don't you think I've thought about that?" snapped 99. "I wanted to help out my teammates, but they suggested someone protect the vehicle! I volunteered for that mission without considering that we'd fail! So, give me a break already!"

Corey and Tuesday got quiet after that.

"Look, I'm sorry." said 99. "I'm just a little pissed that I didn't get to help my teammates. I wish I could have done something to help them."

"Maybe there is." said Tuesday. "Maybe we can organize a raid on Dracula's castle. Then we can defeat him."

"Will that change the vampirized Cannonballers back?" asked 99.

"Hey, with all we've seen, anything's possible." said Corey.

"Then, let's get to it." said 99 as she picked up the microphone for her radio. "This is Agent 99 calling anyone with knowledge of vampires."

"This is Mortimer Goth of Team Sims. How can I help?"

"We have a situation." said 99. "Several Cannonballers have been attacked by vampires and turned into such."

"And I missed it?" asked Mortimer.

"Yeah, we have a decent vampire community back in SimCity." said Bob. "They usually keep to themselves and only turn locals who are close friends. I ran into one and had a conversation with him. Interesting."

"Where did you run into one?" asked Mortimer. "I've been looking all over Downtown for one."

"The Hub." said Bob.

"Ah." said Mortimer. "So, back to the subject at hand. What is it you need for this situation?"

"Do you know of any way to change vampires back into people?" asked 99.

"Why would you want to do that?" asked Mortimer.

"I know of a way." said Bella. "There's a Gypsy Matchmaker in town who sells a potion called Vamprocillin-D. One drink and your vamp is back to normal."

"Can you think of someone who might have some around here?" asked 99.

"I think so." said Mortimer. "Just before we left on this trip, the matchmaker set us up with a contact in Europe. I'll see if we can get in touch."

* * *

Back at the club, Natalie regained conciousness after being bitten. Dylan, Alex, and Maeve stood nearby. Maeve looked around rapidly.

"Welcome back." said Dylan.

"So, this is what it's like being a vampire." said Natalie.

"Takes some getting used to, doesn't it?" asked Alex.

"Needless to say, our secret is out." said Dracula. "The Cannonballers will be coming for us. We should retreat to my castle."

Maeve said rapidly "WellthenIthink wecanjustwaituntil theygetherethengetthem!"

"What is with her?" asked Dracula.

"Uh, that's my fault." said Alex. "I drank a lot of coffee before she bit me."

"WOW!" screamed Maeve.

"I think she has a good idea." said Hyde. "We should go back to your castle and wait for them to come to us. They surely won't give up."

"You know, I agree." said Dracula. "And just to be on the safe side, when we get back to the castle, I will send some of my vampire troops out into the field to take out as many of the Cannonballers as they can. That race has gone on too long!"

"We never won it anyway." shrugged Dylan. "Who needs it? This is MUCH cooler!"

"If you have your guys attack a few innocents as well, that would really mess the Cannonballers up." said Hyde. "They never can resist being heroes when they can!"

"Capital idea, Mr. Hyde. I admit I've had plans for certain parts of Europe for a while." said Dracula.

"The Cannonballers will never get out of Europe without becoming like us!" laughed Alex.

"So, let's head to the castle." said Dracula. "Shall we take your cars?"

"Castle! Castle! Castle!" said Maeve.

"She doesn't drive." said Dracula.

* * *

At Race Central, Ron talked to April O'Neil and Chip Foose.

"It's hard to believe, but ratings are so good, the network are asking us if we can pull an allnighter!" he said.

"Well, it IS only 9.30 in Europe right now." said April. "There's bound to still be some action going on."

"If it makes you feel better, Ron, me and April here could step in briefly so you guys can get a bit of downtime." said Chip.

"If you don't mind doing it, that's fine." remarked Ron.

"Are you kidding?" asked April. "I'd love to get in on the action again!"

"Just keep the President busy, that's all." Chip said, shuddering a bit.

Meanwhile, Love Fist talked to Chili Palmer and Linda Moon.

"So, I got tired of these arseholes saying that heavy metal frontmen are lazy because they don't play an instrument. So I learned to play one." said Jezz Torrent.

"Well, what do you play then, Jezz?" asked Chili.

"This!" said Jezz triumphantly as he held up a harmonica.

"He thinks that's an improvement!" laughed Percy.

"Hey, pal! Need I remind you that a lot of early heavy metal was inspired by the blues?" Jezz said indignantly. "Just listen to some of Deep Purple's early albums."

"True." agreed Chili. "And some of ones they recorded when David Coverdale was in the band."

"I think it would be good to hear a bit of blues influence on your next album, Jezz." said Linda. "After all, a bit of blues guitar enhances my sound from time to time."

"Well, with Percy being a card-carrying Santana fan, it could be possible." said Dick.

"Aye, 'cause Santana plays blues GUITAR!" said Percy. "In what universe do you think a harmonica could work?"

"Just give me a chance and I'll prove it!" said Jezz.

* * *

The Usagi drove along towards the Holland/Germany border. As it did, Buffy got over the radio to Buckaroo.

"It looks like your vampire expertise could come in handy, Doc." she said. "So, I think we should arrange a meet. I'll let as many of the others know as possible."

"We may have to put out a wide alert as well." said Jordan. "With some of our friends being affected, we need to be doubly careful."

"I understand. Head for Hamburg right away. We'll have the meet there." said Buckaroo.

As Buckaroo hung up the microphone in the Trio Incarnate, Reno sighed.

"Holy moly. First Total Anarchy and now vampires. I sometimes feel the Cannonballers are gluttons for punishment." he said.

"Well, just never forget why we drink that fermented mare's milk, Reno." said Rawhide. "Evil may be defeated but a new threat remains to fight."

"Amen, brother." said Buckaroo. "Pinky, Hamburg! And don't spare the horsepower!"

"Roger!" said Pinky at the drivers' wheel.

"I'll dig out those vamp weapons." Lt. Simms smirked.

* * *

On a highway approaching the city of Munster in Germany, the Clover and the Ambitious had pulled up alongside each other.

They both had their screens tuned to Race Central to see Chip and April anchoring.

"So, guys, the sun has gone down and yet the blood is still racing for you." said April.

"You bet your ass, lady." said Denis. "We decided to take on Michael and team here to see if they can handle their car."

"Are you dissing my ability?" asked Michael indignantly.

"Well, no offence, but you regularly drive an airport step truck." said Dane. "That's totally different to a tricked-out Chrysler."

"We have no doubt that we'll be victorious." said Tobias. "At the tune-up we practicaly had half of The Racer's Edge put under the hood."

"That may be so, guys." Chip warned. "But it's one thing to install a buttload of aftermarket parts in your car...and another thing entirely to know how they all work together. And I fixed up the Clover for Denis, so I know what it's capable of."

"That's why Denis had Officer Jones put him through driving lessons for the Cannonball." said April. "That Pontiac has too much grunt for a greenhorn."

"And Denis is no greenhorn." chipped in Dane.

"Well, does the horsepower in your car match the bullpower in your mouths?" asked Buster, sounding unusually cocky.

"Only one way to find out." said Denis. "Last one out the other side of the city takes an hour's penalty!" smirked Dane.

"I feel a song coming on." said Chip.

"Appropriate, because here are Franz Ferdinand with a little driving music!" said April as Franz Ferdinand set up onstage.

"We decided on a song close to your heart, Denis." said Alex Kapranos.

"Any fans of 'Rescue Me' feel free to sing along." smirked Paul Thomson as he got his drumsticks ready.

Denis smiled to himself.

As the band began to play, Denis and Michael both performed burnouts and raced down the country highway.

**On another day, c'mon c'mon.**  
**With these ropes tied tight can we do no wrong.**  
**Now we grieve 'cause now it's gone.**  
**Things were good when we were young.**

The Clover managed to maintain a decent lead on the Ambitious as Denis drove like crazy. Dane was extremely thrilled but also slightly afraid, especially as Denis moved through some very sharp curves as the Ambitious gained a little ground.

"I take it from your driving style that you've paid your insurance?" asked Dane.

**With my teeth bite down I can see the blood.**  
**Of a thousand men who have come and gone.**  
**Now we grieve 'cause now it's gone.**  
**Things were good when we were young.**

"Come on! Stay right on his ass and give it to him! Rough and hard!" yelled Tobias to Michael.

Michael flinched when Tobias said that.

Dane noticed they were heading for a hairpin turn.

"How does this thing corner?" he asked nervously.

"With a police-trained driver like me at the wheel, like the bitch is on rails!" Denis smirked.

"I hope so." said Dane.

Denis turned the Clover and negotiated the turn with little problems or speed loss.

As the Ambitious turned, its rear wheels went dangerously close to the edge but he kept up pursuit.

**Is it safe to say? (c'mon c'mon)**  
**Was it right to leave? (c'mon c'mon)**  
**Will I ever learn? (c'mon c'mon)**  
**(c'mon c'mon c'mon c'mon)**

As they appropached the entrance to Munster, Michael finally got an opening and activated the nitrous in the Ambitious.

"YEAH!" yelled Buster. He was about to rub Michael's shoulder in congratulation, but looked at his hook and thought better of it.

"Not on MY watch!" Denis said. "Let's have some fun!".

Denis turned a hard left and drove down a wide flight of stone steps that lead to a public park.

"HOLY (BLEEP)!" Dane yelled as they went down the steps.

Denis then drove through the park and laughed as he made his way back to the road. They cut out in front of the Ambitious just as Team Bluth celebrated their apparent triumph.

"CRAP!" yelled Michael as he tried to catch up.

**As I make my way, c'mon c'mon.**  
**Through these battered nights that seem too long.**  
**Now we grieve 'cause now it's gone.**  
**Things were good when we were young.**

**With my teeth bite down I can see the blood.**  
**Of a thousand men who have come and gone.**  
**Now we grieve 'cause now it's gone.**  
**Things were good when we were young.**

Denis negotiated a couple of narrow gaps through the traffic and managed to block the Ambitious each time it tried to find an opening.

"Ram him or something!" yelled Tobias. "Ram him right up the..."

"Palisades Parkway!" Michael suddenly cut in. He had to stop briefly to avoid cross traffic that the Clover had already gone through.

**Is it safe to say? (c'mon c'mon)**  
**Was it right to leave? (c'mon c'mon)**  
**Will I never learn? (c'mon c'mon)**  
**(c'mon c'mon c'mon c'mon)**

**Is it safe to say? (c'mon c'mon)**  
**Was it right to leave? (c'mon c'mon)**  
**Will I never learn? (c'mon c'mon)**  
**(c'mon c'mon c'mon c'mon)**

The Clover finally blew out the other side of the city with the Ambitious too far behind to have a hope of winning.

"YEAH! You are one loco motorscooter, my friend!" cheered Dane.

"Much obliged." Denis replied.

**And on this day these deepened wounds don't heal so fast.**  
**Can't hear me croon of a million lies that speak no truths.**  
**Of a time gone by that now is through.**

-"C'mon C'mon" by the Von Bondies.

The Ambitious came driving up.

"Tough luck, guys." Denis called out. "But hey, look on the bright side. You have an hour to stretch your legs, have a smoke and/or coffee break. You could use the exercise."

"Yeah, I suppose so." sighed Michael. "But I want a rematch!"

"So? I want Dunkin' Donuts to go back to just selling coffee and donuts like they did back in the day. But it doesn't look like that's gonna happen as long as those finger sandwich eating dickheads are still around!" Denis replied with a nasty smile as he and Dane roared off.

"Damn!" yelled Michael.

Tobias looked a bit confused. "Why does that song sound familiar?" he asked.

"It was featured in 'Burnout 3: Takedown'." said Buster. "The soundtrack also used 'C'mon' by Go Betty Go and 'Come On!' by the D4."

"I didn't know Gob helped pick video game soundtracks." said Michael.

* * *

Las Venturas...

At the Pink Swan, Janice Foyt looked happily at the cell phone number Gob had given her earlier after their 'date'. Alice did not look pleased though.

"Can't you see he's up to something, Janice?" Alice said in annoyance. "This always happens when you try to get serious with someone!"

"Mom, did you want me to be a nun or something?" protested Janice.

"Of course not. But you have a tendency to pick men who give you nothing but trouble!"

"Name one instance of that." Janice retorted.

"How about that guy you met in boot camp: Hank."

"Hank wasn't the problem. His parents were the problem." Janice replied.

"His parents weren't the ones who shot you during a training exercise!" Alice said.

"Friendly fire, mom. Besides it was only a flesh wound." Janice answered.

"Okay. What about that guy you met in Berkley: Steve."

"I never slept with Steve." Janice retorted.

"Because he cut the brake line in your Caprice because you turned him down for the prom!" Alice yelled.

"I wasn't hurt for God's sake! I caught him in the act and he was expelled!" Janice said.

"All I'm saying is that Bluth must be up to something!" Alice said. "Don't you find it a bit odd that he'd been talking to Gentiles?"

"Mom, relax. It'll be fine. Besides, at least I don't have as bad taste as Brenna does." Janice said, making a slight sneer when she said the name of her younger sister.

"True. Very true." Alice shuddered. "I should have known better than to let her go to the University of Texas. Damn limpwristed pantywaist wimps afraid to use a little discipline!"

"Yeah, well let's not talk about her." Janice said. "Gob's going to take me to dinner tomorrow night. I'd better pick out something nice."

"Watch your back, though." Alice warned.

Janice smiled and reached into her suitcase. She pulled out a silenced 9mm pistol.

"No problem." she smirked mischeviously.

"That's my girl." Alice said proudly.

* * *

In the small, mountainous region of Andorra which bordered France and Spain, Jack and Jo drove along the night-time mountain roads in the Maria Serpente.

"It's been quiet." Jack remarked. "A little TOO quiet."

"Maybe we should have gone with Buckaroo to Germany." Jo remarked.

"Maybe, but someone needs to make sure nothing nasty happens on either route." Jack replied as he checked a readout.

"Not detecting Total Anarchy yet. Don't know if that's good or bad." he said.

"That's what worries me. They must be saving it for a grand finale." Jo said.

Just then, the Cowboy roared past them at high speed. Memphis gave a little wave to Jack and Jo as he went past.

"Glad some Cannoballers are having fun. But I hope he's careful on these roads. Especially at night." Jack remarked as he smiled. "I've heard that several European variants of Dead Man's Curve can be found around here."

Memphis and team sped along the road. At one point they passed a dirt road leading up the slope of a mountain.

Parked there was Angie in her 'Cuda. In keeping with the fact that it looked exactly like the Squalo, she had named it the Dead Ringer.

She laughed to herself as she pulled out and gave chase to the Cowboy.

As Memphis continued to drive, Sphinx saw the Dead Ringer's headlights through their back window and turned to look.

Needless to say, the mirrored windows like the ones currently on the real Squalo fooled him.

"Looks like Joan wants to give us a challenge." he said.

"I'm glad there are other women who like a Hemi 'Cuda." Sway smirked as Angie got behind them.

"So, shall we go for it?" asked Memphis as he raised an eyebrow.

"I believe we should!" smirked Sway.

Memphis floored the accelerator of the Cowboy and got up to over 90mph. Angie chuckled evilly and got on her gas pedal as well, staying right on their tail.

Sphinx looked a bit worried.

"Why isn't she trying to pass us?" he asked.

"Probably waiting for a straightaway." said Sway. "If so, she'll have a long wait until we reach Spain."

"Aw, crap!" Memphis grumbled as the Cowboy's headlights illuminated a road sign. The sign showed that a dangerous curve was coming up in about a third of a mile and warned motorists to slow down to 50 kph.

"Don't worry. I'm sure we'll get back up to speed." Sway said as Memphis began to slow down.

Sphinx kept his eye out the back window at Angie and then looked terrified. "Guys...Joan's not slowing down!" he yelled.

Indeed, the Dead Ringer roared forward and rammed against the back of the Cowboy.

"What the hell?" Memphis yelled.

Angie backed off a bit and rammed the Cowboy again.

The curve was now less than twenty seconds away from the two cars.

"Has she gone crazy?" yelled Sphinx.

"Hang on tight!" yelled Memphis as hed tried to keep the Cowboy on the road.

As the curve was now upon them, Angie rear-ended the Cowboy one last time.

The Cowboy went off the edge of the road as Angie then braked.

Over the edge was a long, steep slope. Luckily, Memphis was able to drive down it without flipping the Cowboy over or losing control, but he and his friends were still shaken up.

Back up on the road, Angie honked the Dead Ringer's horn mockingly and drove off at high speed.

"Wilder is as good as busted now." she smiled to herself. "That'll teach her to make my childhood a misery!"

As Memphis and team got out of the Cowboy to observe the damage, the Maria Serpente had come up to the curve.

Jack and Jo looked shocked as they had witnessed Angie's attack from a little way back on the road.

Jo picked up a radio mic and contacted Sway over the Cowboy's radio.

"Are you guys okay?" she asked.

"Shaken up, but no serious injuries." Sway replied. "I don't know what the hell Joan and her team were thinking."

"Joan Wilder's team?" asked Jo. "Good thing we got a look at their car."

"We'll find 'em and catch 'em!" Jack said. "I hate to have to bust one of my favourite authors, but with that kind of behaviour they should be banned from the Cannonball."

* * *

At three fifty-eight PM in Las Venturas, Dante and Randal manned their station. In the crowd, Norman, Stu, and Leonard stood about wearing trenchcoats and fedoras.

Dante and Randal looked stunned as they and several other Cannonball officials had just seen the Dead Ringer's attack on the Cowboy through their satellite camera.

"I don't believe it!" Dante said. "I knew Joan Wilder got emotional when writing her books, but I never knew she was on the verge of going psycho!"

"What do you expect?" Randal scoffed. "You spend enough time detached from the real world and you go nuts. Maybe she turned out like that Stephanie Meyer chick."

"Who?" asked Dante.

"You know: that crazy bitch who doesn't let anyone write fanfics based on her work." Randal said.

Dante realised what Randal meant.

"That's not Stephanie Meyer. She wrote the 'Twilight' books." Dante corrected him.

"Whatever. All those vampire books are the same. All a bunch of emo, forbidden love bullshit!" Randal moaned. "And now they expect us to believe there are vampires in Europe right now? Yeah, right!"

"Well, it could be you know." said Dante. "You saw that photo circulated of that blonde Irish chick they said was a vampire." said Dante, referring to Maeve.

"That looked more like the big-boob chick from 'The Commitments' to me." said Randal. "We're supposed to believe she was a vamp 'cause she had pale skin? She could just be a goth who forgot to dye her hair black! I'd see a more convincing vampire on a goddamn Count Chocula box!"

The clock changed to four o'clock. Norman ripped off his trenchcoat and hat to reveal he was wearing a blue bodysuit. He picked up a cardboard sign that read "Go C". Everybody stared at him.

"Norman, what are you doing?" asked Stu.

"The sign holding." said Norman. "Why? What's wrong?"

"Don't you check your voice mail?" asked Leonard.

Norman pulled out his cell phone and checked his voice mail.

"Norman, it's Eljin. I'm stuck in traffic and I'm going to be late. I think we should push back the sign holding to four thirty. Thanks, bye."

Norman lowered his sign and said "Got it!" He picked up his sign and clothes and snuck off.

"Well...that was unexpected." Dante deadpanned.

"Is that the new version of the Blue Man Group?" asked Randal. "Intel Inside must be really desperate."

* * *

Somewhere in Germany, around 2.30 am Europe time, the Starlight had parked at a store. Corvax and Butthead were inside getting supplies while Beavis walked out with a bag of cookies.

"Mmmm, this is going to be tasty. Yum, yum, yum." he said.

He reached into the bag and took out a cookie which he promptly stuffed in his mouth and started chewing. He chuckled while eating.

"Hello, Beavis."

Beavis turned around to see Natalie looking at him.

"Heh heh, hello there, Angel. Heh heh." he said.

"So, what's a nice guy like you doing out here?" she asked.

"Um, eating cookies. Heh heh." said Beavis.

"Well, isn't that nice?" said Natalie.

"Yeah, yeah. Heh." said Beavis.

"Perhaps you could let me have a little bite." said Natalie.

"Sure." said Beavis.

"Thank you." said Nataie. She bared her fangs and lunged for him.

"Ahhh!" screamed Beavis.

Corvax and Butthead walked out of the store.

"Where's Beavis?" asked Butthead.

"There he...oh dear." said Corvax.

"Back!" yelled Beavis as he threw a cookie at Natalie. "Back, demon!" He threw another cookie at her.

"Get to the car fast!" said Corvax.

"Stay back!" yelled Beavis as he threw another cookie at Natalie. This one landed in her mouth.

"Mmm, that's tasty." she said. "Now for your blood."

Just then, Corvax pulled up in the Starlight. Beavis jumped into the passenger seat. A second later, they were off.

"Nuts." said Natalie.

Corvax sped down the road, leaving the store behind them.

"That sucked!" said Beavis.

"Yes, it appears demonic forces are at work." said Corvax. "It seems best to be on our toes."

"Yeah, yeah." said Beavis.

"Hey, Beavis. Huh huh." said Butthead. "You tossed your cookies. Huh huh."

* * *

A group of Cannonballers had gathered to meet with Buckaroo Banzai in Hamburg. Among the teams were Buffy and her team, Mad Max and Jake Kesey, David, Darryl and Elizabeth, Mason and Spike and Richard Miller representing the protectors.

"Vampires?" Max asked incredulously. "I was just getting used to the idea of ghosts, but this is crazy!"

"Crazy, but true." Buckaroo remarked. "And it's just been confirmed that a few of your fellow Cannonballers have been turned. We've let Race Central know about this."

"Dracula has been known to use a buttload of his minions in battle." New Jersey said. "And he hates the Cannonball with a vengeance. Also, intel gathered from a friend of Buffy's by the name of Blade has confirmed that a lot of vamps have been finding solutions with regard to moving about in the daylight."

"Hence Ms. O'Riordan's purchasing of tinted windows for her Evo." Jordan remarked.

"So, do we have a plan?" asked Spike.

"So far, it's been decided that we must find Dracula's castle in Romania and storm it so we can change the victims back." said Billy Travers. "But for all other vampires, lethal force has been approved."

"Now you're talking." smirked Buffy.

"No offence, Buffy, but as you could be attacked on the road, this situation calls for a bit more sophisticatiion than the stake." Simms said. "As I said, we adapted these weapons that Weird Eddie invented around the time of the Martin house situation with the Augers."

He handed out laser guns to a member of each team and Richard.

"These guns use a special laser beam based on ultraviolet light." Simms said.

"Sunlight in other words." smiled Richard.

"Exactly. Simplicity itself. A vamp attacks you, just aim and push the trigger. Any vamp that gets hit by the beam becomes instant ash pile." Reno said.

"But, if you prefer, there are these as well." said Perfect Tommy as he passed out a couple more guns. They looked a bit like a cross between a pistol and a crossbow with a sniper rifle sight. It came equpped with a box of stakes.

"So, there IS use for a stake after all." remarked Veronica.

"Yep. Aim the laser sight right at the vamp's heart and the stakes will be shot directly at it with enough force to take them out from a distance." said Pinky.

"Righteous." Darryl said.

"Very solid plan. But I think that we should try and find a few of these vamps you think Drac will send out into the field and spy on them." Mason remarked. "Just to make sure we don't go in blind."

"Good idea." said Jake. "Vampires are not exactly my area of expertise but I think I could find them for you."

"And we've got Darryl here." David remarked. "He can sense them."

"Alright then." said Spike to both Darryl and Jake. "Consider yourselves drafted."

"For a second time." said Darryl a bit wearily.

"You be careful, David. I don't want you getting vamped." Elizabeth warned.

"She's absolutely right, David." Jake replied.

"Who's absolutely right?" asked Rawhide, confused. "Who said anything?"

"It's a long story." Jake remarked.

"Yeah, and we've got more important things to do than hear it now." Max said.

"Okay then. Let's go vampire hunting." Richard smirked as they all returned to their vehicles.

* * *

The next morning in Team Rocket headquarters, Butch sat on the couch attempting to solve a crossword puzzle he had found in a magazine. Cassidy, Oakley, and Domino sat with him. They all watched the morning report from Race Central as the second day in Europe for the Cannonballers had just begun.

Onscreen, Ron Burgundy and Veronica Corningstone anchored.

"It's just been confirmed that a situation involving vampires has broken out in Europe for the Cannonballers." said Ron. "I know that sounds like the kind of rubbish you normally read in the Weekly World News, but this is no joke."

"We've heard reports that a few of our racers may have been bitten." said Veronica. "Brock Yates has just told us that this is NOT a cause for alarm, though. The Cannonball will still continue."

"However, he has issued the word to the race officials watching over the bridge in Greece leading to Africa that each individual Cannonball team is to be checked through the bridge before heading to the next continent." said Ron.

"In addition, the Cannonballers may still continue through Europe but are forbidden to leave Europe until it has been confirmed that the threat is neutralised." said Veronica.

"So, be prepared for a bit of a delay. But we have total confidence that our courageous racers will handle any adversity thar they encounter. But for now, we wish them good luck and Godspeed." said Ron.

"I'm Veronica Corningstone..."

"And I'm Ron Burgundy. Stay classy, Cannonball fans."

Oakley shut the TV off in disgust.

"Vampires! What a load of crap! Do they think we're morons or something?" she snapped.

"Would you please not yell?" asked Cassidy as she took a couple of aspirin and washed them down with a glass of water. "My head is killing me!"

"Well, whose fault is it you have a hangover?" Domino asked. "I told you not to mix your drinks."

Cassidy sighed and looked over at Butch.

"How's the crossword going?" she asked.

"Not well." Butch replied. "Some of these clues are really annoying. Like this one here." He read it out. "Irish alternative rock band. Three letters. Middle letter is 's'."

"Ash." said Oakley.

"What?"

"That's what the answer is. I love their music. Why didn't you ask me?" she said.

Butch filled it in and saw that it was indeed right.

"Thanks." he said.

"You should never be afraid to ask for help you know, Buzz." said Domino.

"It's BUTCH!" Butch snapped. He then calmed down. "Sorry. Didn't mean to yell. Could you give me a hand with a few of the other ones?"

"Which ones are giving you trouble?" asked Cassidy.

"Well, here's one." Butch pointed out. "'Play (something) For Me'. Five letters."

"Misty." said Domino. "That was a chilling movie."

"Great. Thanks." said Butch as he filled it in. "Next one: Wrestler Lesnar. Five letters again, second letter 'r'."

"Brock." said Cassidy.

"You watch wrestling?" said Oakley as she raised an eyebrow.

"It's not just for rednecks you know." Cassidy said defensively as Butch filled in the word.

"Okay, next." said Butch as Annie walked into the room, carrying a glass of iced cola. "Mozart opera: 'Don (something). Eight letters.".

"Giovanni." said Oakley. "A great opera that was. I loved listening to the excerpt Double Cleff FM kept playing."

"Perfect." said Butch as he started to fill in the word. He then paused and frowned. "Do you notice a pattern with these answers?"

"Can't say I do." shrugged Cassidy as Annie walked over to the stereo and inserted a CD.

"Okay. Next is..." Butch began.

Just then the stereo blared into life, playing 'Land of 1000 Dances' by Wilson Pickett. Annie whooped as she started to dance to it. This greatly annoyed the other Rockets.

"ANNIE!" they all yelled.

"What?" she asked indignantly as she hit the pause button.

"Could you please put these on?" asked Cassidy as she handed a pair of headphones to Annie. "We're trying to concentrate here and I have a headache!"

"Fine." huffed Annie as she put the headphones on and plugged them in.

"Right." said Butch as Annie unpaused the stereo. "As I was saying..."

"GOTTA LEARN HOW TO PONY! LIKE BONEY MARONIE!" Annie sang along to the song...loudly. "DO THE MASHED POTATO! DO THE ALLIGATOR!"

The other Rockets glared.

"That's it! I'm going to get some shuteye!" Cassidy said as she got up and marched out of the room. "Don't disturb me in less than ten hours..OR ELSE!" She warned.

* * *

Outside Dusseldorf, the Battle had pulled over to a service station so they could refuel. Rock 'n' Roll and Clutch were sat in the front seat while Snake Eyes laid down in the back seat.

Stalker hung up the gas pump after filling the tank while Shipwreck paid for the gas and supplies in the store.

As Stalker got back in the car, they heard the roar of an engine. Rock 'n' Roll looked and saw a red 1981 BMW M1 roaring down the autobhan at high speed, followed by the sound of blaring sirens. A man was hung out of the passenger side window of the M1 firing gunshots from a sub-machine gun at a squad of police cars that were chasing it.

Also in the chase were a silver 2005 BMW E90 and a grey Mercedes-Benz C350. They both had undercover police sirens flashing in their windshields, sun visors, and side mirrors.

"What in tarnation is going on?" inquired Shipwreck as he cane out of the store and witnessed the chase.

"Looks like the local cops are having a bit of trouble." said Rock 'n' Roll. "I think we should give 'em a hand."

"Great idea." said Clutch. "After all, helping people is what we do."

"Get in quick!" yelled Rock 'n' Roll as he fired up the Battle's engine. Stalker and Shipwreck got in beside the still sleeping Snake Eyes and Rock 'n Roll peeled rubber out of the service station.

Further on down the road, the gunman in the M1 had taken out a few of the police cruisers with extreme prejudice as the getaway driver kept cutting through the dense traffic like a knife through butter.

The cop cars' engines had been shot up and tyres punctured. Miraculously, there were no fatalites. In the E90, detective Semir Gurkhan of the Cobra 11 highway task force knew it wouldn't stay that way for long unless the two fugitives were stopped.

The Mercedes driven by his partner, Detective Ben Jager, had got a lead on him and prepared to engage the M1 in battle.

As the Mercedes approached, the driver of the M1 quickly sideswiped the side of a truck carrying a cargo of oil barrels. The barrels fell into the road. As they did, the gunman fired shots at them, causing a lot of them to explode in mid-air.

Jager did his damndest to avoid the explosions but had to bank into the side of the autobahn when the Mercedes spun out.

He leaned out his window and fired several shots after the M1. As the E90 caught up, Jager motioned to Gurkhan with his gun to continue the pursuit.

As the E90 roared off, the Battle went past the Mercedes as well, getting ready to catch up.

The driver of the M1 laughed as the gunman reloaded his weapon and prepared to open up on their pursuers again. Gurkhan's E90 had caught up. Gurkhan kept one hand on the wheel and the other holding his gun as he attrempted a PIT manouevere.

The M1's driver had seen it coming and activated a shot of nitrous oxide and got a lead. Gurkhan gritted his teeth and made to try and catch up.

The Battle got alongside him. Stalker rolled down the rear window and yelled to Gurkhan in German.

"(Officer, we're with the U.S. Army! Do you need assistance?)" he asked.

"(Normally the Cobra 11 team could handle this ourselves, but these people are vicious bastards!)" Gurkhan yelled back. "(If you want to help, you can, but I warn you: we can't be held responsible for what happens to you.)"

"(We understand. You take care of your team-mates back there!)" Stalker replied as Rock 'n Roll gunned the restored Chevy's engine for all it was worth.

"What was that about Cobra?" asked Clutch suspiciously.

"Not THAT Cobra." Shipwreck replied. "Cobra 11 is the codename of the special division of the highway patrol these guys belong to. They have their own TV show."

Clutch looked surprised but then shrugged. "What the hell? The California Highway Patrol had 'CHiPs'."

"Yeah, but this chase going on now is another day at the office for these guys." said Stalker as Rock 'n' Roll managed to close the gap with the M1.

The gunman fired several rounds from his weapon at the Battle but they just bounced off its armour.

Rock 'n Roll got right beside the M1 and tried to push it into the side wall of the autobahn.

The M1 driver sneered and shoved them back. Rock 'n' Roll hit them back again and nearly pushed them off the road again.

The Battle now got ahead of the M1.

"Come and get us, mein herr!" Rock 'n' Roll laughed as he hit the Battle's nitrous shot.

The two criminals in the M1 came right after them, with the gunman letting rip with more rounds from his Mac-10.

Rock 'n' Roll had steered a path straight towards the rear of a car carrier truck whose rear ramp was lowered down and pointing straight up.

"Are you thinking what I think you're thinking?" asked Shipwreck, who had turned a bit pale.

"I think so." smirked Rock 'n Roll as he roared right up the ramp.

Snake Eyes was amazingly still asleep, but the other four Joes strapped in tight as the Battle roared off the edge of the ramp and landed in front of the car carrier.

The Battle kept going and stayed right in front of the truck as the driver angrily honked the horn.

"Something tells me these guys won't be able to resist being stunt drivers here." said Rock 'n' Roll. "Stalker, get ready."

"Yo Joe!" said Stalker as he leaned out his rear window and got his rifle ready.

The M1 was now approaching the truck's ramp. Gurkhan and Jager had caught up with it and were each trying to force it to stop.

The driver laughed sadistically as the gunman climbed back in and strapped himself in.

The M1 roared up the ramp just as the Battle had done and prepared to jump the truck.

Just as the BMW sports car leaped over the truck's cab, Stalker let rip with his machine gun into the rear of the M1.

The two rear tyres were completely shredded. Stalker also fired one shot at the engine compartment in the middle of the car so damage to the engine was done.

When the M1 landed, the driver struggled to maintain control as the rear wheels scraped on their rims against the road and the engine smoked.

But the car quickly flipped and rolled over a couple of times. It miraculously landed back on its four wheels and continued for a brief few seconds, but eventually came to a halt at the side of the autobahn.

Gurkhan and Jager had cleared the car carrier and both helped the Battle to box in the M1.

Clutch saw the two criminals were injured but still alive.

"Typical day for these guys, huh?" he asked.

"I know I like the music I get my name from. But this is appropriate considering where we are and what we did." smirked Rock 'n Roll as he used his cellphone to download a song. He hooked it up to the Battle's radio and started to play it.

It was 'Autobahn' by Kraftwerk.

Stalker, Clutch, and Shipwreck all laughed as Snake Eyes finally stirred from his sleep.

"Fun, fun, fun on the Autobahn." Rock 'n' Roll sang along.

Clutch frowned a bit. "Was it just me or did the perps' car suddenly change from an '81 M1 into a '79 when it crashed?"

"Just your imagination, I daresay." replied Stalker.

Gurkhan pointed his gun at the two criminals as they groaned in pain.

"(You should thank God you had that rollcage built in.)" he deadpanned.

As Gurkhan kept his gun trained on the perps, Jager radioed in the capture.

"(We nailed those two O'Malley syndicate drug runners outside town.)" he said. "(But seriously, Dieter, where the hell were you and Hotte? We had to rely on outside help because you couldn't show up!)"

"(We've been assigned to patrol the outskirts of the city looking for Cannonballers.)" replied Dieter Bonrath, a uniformed officer who was normally their back-up. "(Take it up with the chief, not with us.)"

* * *

Indeed, both Bonrath and his overweight partner, Horst 'Hotte' Herzberger sat behind a billboard at the entrance to Dusseldorf itself in their silver and green police Porsche Cayenne.

Positioned in various locations throughout the suburbs were undercover police officers disguised as ordinary citizens. They were all in radio contact and ready to pounce as soon as the Cannonballers appeared.

"(How much longer are we going to have to wait here?)" asked Herzberger.

"(As long as it takes. It's not as if they're expecting us to jump them.)" Bonrath replied.

None of the taskforce were aware that the Vulcano, the Darkness, the Regalo, and the Hellenbach GT all drove through the sewer tunnels underneath them, very slowly and making sure they couldn't be heard.

As they drove along, Lara contacted Kermit, who led the way.

"Great idea to go this way after we picked up the cops on the radio, Kermit." she winked. "It was pure genius."

"Well, thank Skeeter for it partially." Kermit smirked. "Back when we were getting the cars tuned up, he gave us a few pointers on how to evade the cops."

"He told us that his pal Taurus once used this trick to slip past the LVPD when he had to get into Vegas and they were all over the place." Gonzo chipped in.

"Yeah, but you wanted to do this just in case the Hellenbach was at risk of damage, right?" Huckleberry said as he raised an eyebrow.

"So what?" Rizzo grumpily grumbled.

"Okay, there's a storm drain leading out by the side of the Rhine coming up." said Fozzie. "Just to play it safe, stick to the speed limit until we're out of the city."

"Roger." said Rob Zombie, looking a bit unsure.

"Que pasa, Rob?" asked Stone Cold as they neared the exit by the river side.

"We pissed off quite a few members of the German police so far." Rob replied. "I mean 'we' as in 'this team'. They're bound to put out an APB or whatever very soon. We can only stay lucky for so long."

Stone Cold frowned. "Yeah, you're right. We need to get a disguise or something."

As the four Cannonball vehicles exited the sewers by the side of the river Rhine, the Hellenbach, Vulcano, and Regalo all drove on.

"BYE BYE!" Animal called as they drove off at high speed.

The Darkness still hung back a bit.

Rob casually glanced around and he perked up when he noticed something.

"I'll be goddamned!" he said.

Stone Cold and Nemesis followed his gaze. They saw what looked like a huge metallic sculpture jutting out of the ground. It was surrounded by a strange growth of red thorns.

"Ssssstars?" Nemesis asked.

"Yeah, it looks like Eddie was thinking of us again." smirked Rob. The object was one of the Guardian of Metal's Motor Forges.

"Well, it's good to know he got one into the real world. But there's a snowball's chance in Hell we can raise it!" said Stone Cold.

"Wait and see." smirked Rob as he got out of the Darkness, opened its trunk and pulled out a Flying V guitar.

He stood in the middle of the Devil Thorn growth and played a short heavy metal riff. Despite the guitar not being plugged into an amplifier, the sound of the riff roared majestically.

And sure enough, the ground quaked as the Motor Forge rose up out of the ground to reveal its garage door.

Rob gave a thumbs-up to his team and jumped back into the Darkness. He started it up and drove it through the now-opening portal, into the netherwordly red light emanating from it.

Further up the road, Lara's team looked confused at the guitar sound.

"I didn't know Judas Priest were in town." Joanna said.

"Forget that. I didn't know they could start a rock concert at 9:30 in the morning." said Anna.

* * *

Back on the Autobahn outside the city, the two perps had been cuffed and were now being tended to by paramedics. More ambulances were dealing with the other drivers who had been injured.

Gurkhan and Jager were congratulating the Joes.

"(Your help was much appreciated.)" Gurkhan remarked. "(And thanks to you, those two are going away for a long time. They practically had half a Colombian dope farm in their trunk.)"

Jager could sense that Snake Eyes was annoyed as he snapped his fingers in a frustrated way.

"(Your friend annoyed at missing the action?) he asked Stalker.

"(A bit, but he'll get over it.)" Stalker replied.

Two horns honked and the group turned to see the Nightcrawler and the Barbarian driving up. Willenholly, Amos, and Michael Knight had heard about the action and just wanted to check if it had anything to do with the Cannonball.

"Hey, guys, you okay?" asked Michael. "I went a bit out of my way when I heard there was trouble here."

"It's okay. No one was killed." Shipwreck said.

Amos leaned out the window of the Nightcrawler. "That may be, but we know Cannonballers have been sighted near here." he said. "And if it turns out you guys are Cannonballers, you're in a whole world..."

Jager looked stunned when he saw Amos.

"Johnny Jive?" he asked in English.

"What?" asked Amos in surprise. Johnny Jive had been his stage name when he was with Disco Express.

Michael looked at Amos and realised who he was. "Hey! You ARE Johnny Jive! From Disco Express!"

"So what?" asked Willenholly.

"Don't be surprised if you get stopped to sign copies of 'Lava Lamp Lovin' and 'Dance Mania' while you're here." Stalker remarked as both Jager and Gurkhan now looked stunned.

"Our second and third albums?" asked Amos. "They were huge flops!"

"(Not over here they weren't!)" Gurkhan remarked. "(People over here are dying for you to go on a reunion tour!)"

Willenholly, who spoke German, translated for Amos.

"WHAT?" Amos yelled.

"Yeah. Disco Express had a buttload of hit singles in Germany and Austria back in the early 80s." said Rock 'n' Roll.

"They're big stars over here." Michael said. "A bit like that guy from 'Baywatch'."

"They always wanted you to tour over here, but you never did." said Clutch. "I always wondered why you passed on that. You could have made millions."

"I never knew..." Amos began. He then took a long pause. At the end of it, he looked furious. "Is there by any chance a greaser-looking guy driving a '57 Ford in the Cannonball?"

"We wouldn't know. We're all law-abiding citizens." lied Shipwreck as he looked knowingly at his teammates.

"Well, if there is, he is DEAD!" yelled Amos. "And I'm talking Sam Peckinpah-meets-Quentin Tarantino style, all day CNN coverage dead!"

Amos floored the accelerator on the Nightcrawler and it sped off.

"That guy was pissed." said Clutch.

"Ya think so?" asked Michael sarcastically. "I have to go now. Family business."

"That's an odd way of putting it, Michael." KITT remarked.

The Barbarian turned around and drove off back the way it came.

"(You guys keep an eye out for Cannonballers.)" Jager said. "(They can be real trouble.)"

"(Don't we know it.)" Stalker said with a mischevious look.

* * *

The Darkness now sat in the Guardian of Metal's lair in the middle of a huge, hellish cave. The Guardian had set up a bank of strange machinery to help trick out the Darkness.

"It's about (bleep)in' time you came to see me." the Guardian remarked. "Eddie put in a lot of good words for you guys."

"Well, he did mention that the Cannonball was something you'd like the sound of, pal." Stone Cold remarked.

"Well, of course it is!" The Guardian remarked. "I love you guys, even if you are all (bleep)in' mad! The lot of you!"

"Are you sure you've never met Ozzy Osbourne?" asked Rob.

"Oh, for (bleep)'s sake!" the Guardian complained. "You may as well go the whole hog and ask if Killmaster's ever met Lemmy or if the Baron has ever met Rob (bleep)in' Halford!"

"Well, anyway, you can help get our car a bit of a disguise?" asked Stone Cold.

"Pffft! Sure!" said the Guardian. "I had to set up these machines because I know things are a bit different in this world."

"Sssstarsss!" said Nemesis.

"Got it in one, mate!" said the Guardian. "Just this once you won't need Fire Tributes or money."

The Guardian took his seat at a makeshift computer.

"Now then." he began. "Metal, noise, blood and fire, Tell me what you most desire."

"Great rhyme." smirked Stone Cold as the team gathered around the computer.

Twenty minutes later...

Stone Cold and his team climbed happily back into the newly modded Darkness. The '87 Buick had now been outfitted with a House of Kolor Galaxy Grey paint job, smoked lights and tinted windows. In addition, the suspension had been lowered.

"Sssstarrrs!" Smirked Nemesis.

"Glad it's to your liking, bud!" said Stone Cold as he turned the Darkness around and got ready to drive up the road leading out of the cave and back into Dusseldorf.

"See ya later, Guardian of Metal!" waved Rob as they drove off.

"ROCK AND ROLL!" yelled the Guardian as he gave an 'Ozzy' salute.

* * *

The Maria Serpente had now made it to Spain and approached Girona in the Catalonia region. Jack paid attention as Jo explained a piece of equipment to him.

"The Jump Jet, huh? So, how exactly does it work?" he asked.

"Basically, according to what Fargo told me, a miniature but powerful jet engine opens up at the rear." Jo explained as she drove. "It gives us a strong boost of speed to enable us to catch up with an evading car."

"Right." Jack said, nodding. "Anything else?"

"Yeah. When it's aimed in a certain direction, it can also give us an upward boost of speed which will enable us to clear any and every obstacle that we may face in the road." Jo smirked. "Hell, it's so powerful, we could clear a train."

Jack frowned. "In other words, it will help us jump over anything that gets in our way, much like a certain other well-known piece of equipment will?" he said.

"This is an idea people have had for years!" Jo said indignantly.

"Whatever. I just hope that Michael Knight isn't offended." Jack shrugged.

Jo rolled her eyes and then focused on the road ahead.

She narrowed her eyes when she noticed the Squalo up ahead.

"Hold tight, Carter!" She said as she activated the Jump Jet. The Serpente's rear license plate opened up to reveal the mini-jet engine. A burst of flame shot out as it was activated.

It gave them a boost strong enough to overtake the Squalo.

Jo swerved the orange Mastretta so that it blocked the road.

She and Jack both got out and pulled their sidearms.

"What in the hell?" Ralph indignantly said as he slammed on the brakes.

"Didn't those two help out last year?" asked Joan in surprise.

"Yeah. I wonder what their problem is." Jack Colton said. "I know we didn't violate any rules."

"Out of the car!" Jack Carter yelled.

Jack, Jo and Ralph got out of the Squalo.

"What seems to be the problem here?" asked Joan.

"Don't think that playing innocent is going to help you." Jo warned. "We saw what you did to Memphis Raines' team back in Andorra.

Jack Colton looked confused. "We haven't even seen Memphis' team since Calais."

Jack Carter pretended to sneeze. "Oh, excuse me." he then said. "I'm allergic to bullcrap! We both know what we saw! You're lucky you didn't kill them with that stunt!"

"Hey, look, pal! We don't know who you're lookin' for but it's not us!" Ralph protested.

"We do want to win the Cannonball, but not by taking out anybody!" Joan added.

"Why don't you just come clean and stop making things worse for yourselves with this stupid song and dance?" Jo demanded. "You're in enough trouble as it is without lying!"

"What do you mean?" asked Ralph.

"Contact Race Central and see what we mean." Jack said.

Jack Colton got back into the Squalo and activated the comms link to the Four Dragons.

When the page opened he saw Brock, J.J, Victor, and Mr. X all looking very sternly at him.

"I see that at least you decided to face up to what you did, Mr. Colton." Mr. X said seriously. "Have a look at this."

Mr. X activated a switch and a video of the Dead Ringer attacking the Cowboy was shown. Jack Colton turned pale.

The screen switched back to show the four organisers again.

"Anything look familiar to you now?" asked J.J. humourlessly. "Our video satellite caught this earlier. So, what was that you were saying?"

"Guys! That wasn't us! We were..." Jack began

"Framed?" asked Victor sternly. "Look, Jack, I know us Cannonball veterans have been a bit crazy, but even we know a lame excuse when we hear one."

"I'm telling you..."

"No! WE'RE telling YOU." Brock cut in, sounding angry and disappointed. "I know we said anything goes, but we don't condone outright attempts to use lethal force in this race. And I must say I'm disappointed to see such behaviour coming from a team I thought I could trust to play fair. So, as of right now, consider yourselves on probation."

Jo came over and attached a silver metal disk to the undercarriage of the Squalo.

"Sheriff Carter and Ms. Lupo, with our full approval, are planting this homing beacon on the Squalo." J.J. explained. "It will enable us to find you on the map and find you with the Cannonball video satellites."

"And as much as we hate to do this...if you attempt anything to seriously harm another Cannonballer, your team will be both disqualified and banned from the Cannonball Run for life." Mr. X said in a firm tone.

Joan and Ralph had joined Jack Colton and looked horrified.

"Harsh treatment, yes." Victor added. "But since Mr. Raines and his team only survived that attack by the skin of their teeth, there's no doubt that it's deserved."

"We can only hope you've learned your lesson. Race Central out." said Brock as the video link was severed.

"This is bullshit!" yelled Ralph as he angrily hit his hat against the Squalo's windshield.

"Live with it, pal!" Jack Carter said stenly. "And make no mistake, the other Cannonballers and protectors will hear about this."

Carter and Jo returned to the Maria Serpente as Jack Colton's team looked at each other grimly.

* * *

Back at Race Central, the news had just been announced about Team Colton's situation.

Misty, Veronica, and Ron interviewed the members of Moving Violation.

"This is indeed a shocking revelation that Joan Wilder and her team haave gone too far." Misty remarked. "We have just been told by Mr. Woozie that just this once, you guys can change your bet to a different racer if you want."

"Well, Misty, while we ARE stunned at finding this out, we're going to stick by our bet with Joan, Jack and Ralph." Mike Z announced. "We're big believers in 'innocent until proven guilty' and there was something odd about the Squalo in that video."

"What was that?" asked Veronica.

"We can't quite put our finger on it, but something did seem a bit odd about it." said Natasha. "Whatever it was, I hope that Joan can behave herself and earn back the trust of Mr. Yates."

"We hope so too." said Misty. "Because, candidly, that was not the behaviour that I know would come from the Joan Wilder I know."

"You read her books?" asked Veronica.

"I have been known to be romantic from time to time." Misty said defensively.

"Does that include with a certain Mr. Ke..." Ron began.

Misty wheeled around on Ron and pulled out her mallet menacingly. "It is VERY important for your future as a broadcaster and otherwise that you don't finish that sentence." she growled.

Veronica hurriedly changed the subject just as the clock in the ball room changed to 4:30 pm.

"Anyway, whether Team Colton have indeed been framed or not still has to be proved. But we all hope and pray that they are just the victims of a scam and that the perpetrators can be caught!"

"And on a more cheerful note, check this out!" yelled Ron. "We've got a group of superfans out there!"

Norman, Eljin, Leonard, and Stu stood in a row in full view wearing blue bodysuits. They held signs reading "Go C", "nbal", "anno", and "lers".

Eljin looked up at the signs and said "Leonard, we're out of order."

Leonard looked up at the signs. "Oh." he said. "I thought we were in alphabetical order."

"Then, why is Norman at the front?" asked Eljin as they traded signs.

"Good point." said Leonard. The signs now read "Go C", "anno", "nbal", and "lers".

* * *

In his new headquarters in the German town of Nurburg, Big Boss took a report over a video link from the Stacked Deck.

They had all just heard the news from the Cannonball reporters about Team Colton's situation. Angie, needless to say, looked very content.

"You did excellently, Angie." he remarked. "One more attack from the Dead Ringer should see Colton's team banned from the Cannonball. One less problem to worry about."

"They DID say they suspect foul play, though, Big Boss." said Kenji.

"So what? They're all morons! They don't have the brain power to understand what we're doing!" said Badvibes. "What that singer said about spotting something odd about the Dead Ringer was mere clutching at straws!

"You're right, Doc!" laughed Lidell who was with the Stacked Deck. "With the organisers now against Colton's team, they are as good as amscrasyed right now!"

"You couldn't possibly be happier about it than I am!" Angie smirked. "That bitch Wilder deserves everything she gets!"

"Why do you hate her so much, though?" Squeaky asked, unsure.

"Angie's name is short for 'Angelina'." Wolf explained. "And you know how big Joan Wilder's Angelina adventures were."

"I got grief about it all the time!" said Angie furiously. "Every time I got into a scrape in school, the kids'd tease me about needing Jesse to come to my rescue!"

"They obviously never read the books then." Buttons remarked as he watched the conversation. "Angelina could take care of herself."

"Yeah, but it always came down to her needing Jesse because he was the only man she trusted or some shit like that!" Angie angrily yelled. "And for that, Joan Wilder must suffer! For making people think I couldn't cope in a so-called 'man's world'!"

"Plus, of course, we hate that mushy romantic crap as well." said Darius. "So, it's a good arrangement."

"Well then, you just keep up the good work." smirked Big Boss. "The rest of us are going into the field now. The Cannonballers are about to face their Waterloo!"

Big Boss cut the video link and marched out of the room, followed by Squeaky, Turbo and Buttons.

As they went, Big Boss looked happily at the Total Anarchy mask. "I'd love to see just what this thing can do. DeMarco's not out of jail yet, so I can have a bit of fun with it!"

As they exited the building, Big Boss and Squeaky went towards the black Infiniti G35 that Squeaky had picked the Foyts up from Orange County in.

"The Wildboar here is all ready to kick ass, Big Boss!" smirked Squeaky as he climbed into the driver's seat and Big Boss got in the back.

"How's the Ram Raider doing Turbo?" asked Big Boss as Turbo and Buttons climbed into a silver and heavily-armoured TVR T350C.

"She's all ready, chief!" smirked Turbo as he started up the TVR, known as the Ram Raider. "She's not indestructible. But she'll take a hit that would send any production line model, and quite a few modified ones, straight to the boneyard!"

"Good. So, what's your plan of action?" asked Yuri as he and Mr. Chairman, who had been waiting outside, climbed into their stolen Tesla.

"Turbo's bright idea was to stay here for now." grumbled Buttons. "You know how that Nurburgring track is here? He's convinced that a few Cannonballers won't be able to resist going out of their way to have a spin around it."

"Could work." said Mr. Chairman. "But you'd better not be doing it because you want to show of as well, Turbo! We want results out of you this time!"

"Ain't a problem!" laughed Turbo as the Ram Raider sped off.

"Let's go ourselves!" said Big Boss.

As the Wildboar and the Tesla drove off, Mr. Chairman pulled out some kind of remote control.

"This will help us when we take on the Cannonballers." he smirked to Yuri. "It's the targeting and firing control for ACME's latest satellite laser weapon."

"How powerful is it?" asked Yuri.

"It could melt an armoured personnel carrier like a hot knife going through butter. That's why the satellite is called the Triple S."

"Triple S?" asked Yuri. He then looked slighly amused. "As in 'Sigue Sigue Sputnik'? The Russian for 'burn burn satellite'?"

"Yes." huffed Mr. Chairman. "But we DIDN'T name it after that crappy 80s one-hit wonder band!"

Yuri raised an eyebrow. "So I didn't hear you singing along to 'Love Missile F1-11' on Flashback FM a few weeks ago?" he teased.

"Aw, shut up!" Mr. Chairman grumbled.

As Yuri drove on, he started to sing the song to get a rise out of Mr. Chairman again.

"There goes my love rocket red, shoot it up, shoot it up!" he sang.

"Well, look at Mr. Maturity." grumbled Mr. Chairman.

* * *

Back in Spain, the Overlord drove through the city of Zaragoza. Ford had won a series of races back in London against its chapters of the American Royalty club. As a result, the money he'd won had been used to buy forged rods and pistons for the Overlord so it could now handle the nitrous with the engine fully tuned.

In addition, the wheels now had matte black American Racing MC5 rims on them.

As the team drove towards the location of Zaragoza's chapter of American Royalty, the reason why Ford had picked those rims became apparent as he sang along to 'Kick Out The Jams' by MC5 as it played on the Overlord's stereo. Don joined in with him.

"KICK OUT THE JAMS, MOTHER(bleep)ERS!" they both yelled as the intro to the song began.

Jazz reached forward and turned off the radio.

"Sorry, guys, but there's only so much of that song I can take." she explained. "Anyway, we're nearing the Parque Grande. It says on the PDA that the Zaragoza chapter of American Royalty is near here."

"Thanks, honey." said Ford as he concentrated on the road. He then noticed a gathering of about thirty muscle cars parked near the entrance to the Parque Grande. "Looks like we just found 'em."

He drove up to a young man standing beside a '66 Chevrolet Caprice and rolled down his window.

"Senor, habla ingles?" he asked in Spanish.

"Depends on the question." the young man replied. He had a Spanish accent with a slight American lilt to it. "You looking for action or something?"

"What made you guess?" asked Jazz.

"Look, senor, word of advice." the young man said. "Don't be coming around here with some lame ass '57 Fairlane and expect to run with it. You could end up losing it. Pink slip and everything."

"You have yet to see what this car is capable of." smirked Don. "We could beat your lame ass Caprice any day."

"My grandmother's Buick could waste your piece of shit Ford!" the young man scoffed.

Ford laughed heartily at that.

"Don't believe me, huh?" the man replied as he raised an eyebrow. "Wait and see."

He turned towards the other members of the club and whistled.

"Hey, grandma! Some asshole wants to run!" he yelled.

At that, the sound of a mighty engine approached.

Ford looked stunned as a fully-blown yellow 1970 Buick GSX came out of the gathering of cars. At the wheel was an attractive old lady in her late 60s, wearing a black t-shirt, jeans and a racing jacket.

She pulled up next to the Overlord and rolled down her window.

"Hey, you're that Fairlane guy." she said in an American accent. "That rock 'n' roll private eye."

Ford smiled. "You're a poet and didn't know it! OHHHH!"

"Well, my name's Kathy Minton. And I happen to be the leader of this American Royalty chapter." the old lady said. "It's a very rare occasion when anybody beats us in a race."

"We can tell from your accent you're originally from the States." commented Don.

"Yep. California. Moved out here to be with my daughter when she got married." Kathy said. She nodded to the young man. "You've already met my grandson, Carmello."

"What part of California?" asked Jazz.

Kathy sighed a little. "Pasadena." she said.

"That sounds familiar." remarked Jazz.

"So, you wanna run or not?" asked Kathy, quickly changing the subject.

"You bet your ass, lady!" said Ford. "I could use the extra cash."

"Well, here's how we roll in this city." Kathy explained. "Quarter mile drag. Best two out of three wins. Winner take all. And the prize will be three times the amount you lay down at the start of the first run. That suit you okay?"

"Sure does." said Ford.

"Just one thing." Carmello cut in. "We don't race for less than one thousand euros. The price of fuel these days, you understand."

"No problem." said Don as he held up a wad of Euro notes they got when they had their London winnings converted to Euros. "We can make it four thousand if you want."

"Excellente." smiled Carmello.

"So, are we doing this?" asked Jazz.

"We are indeed. Follow us to the Paseo de Echegaray y Caballero and we'll get started." Kathy smiled as she led the way with her GSX.

* * *

The Espion and the Ignition both sped down the highway leading to Barcelona.

Jesse James kept the Ignition up to full speed but had difficulty keeping up with Snake and Ethan because of the supercharger Bosco had sold them.

"I tell you, guys. For a vacuum cleaner, that gives a hell of a boost." Jesse remarked.

"Well at least we're keepin' up with 'em." smirked Tombstone.

Both teams heard the sound of a siren and looked in their rear-views to see the Aggressor coming up behind them.

"We gotcha now, you crazy sumbitches!" laughed Buford as Roscoe drove.

"Hold on!" said Ethan as he kicked in the supercharger again. Despite its power, both the Ignition and the Aggressor kept after them.

As they approached a highway junction with an overpass, a vehicle suddenly cut out in front of them and swerved around to face them head on.

It was the Hitman. In the driver's seat, Simon laughed as he took control of the twin machine guns on the car and opened fire.

Goldilocks and Uzi leaned out their windows and added more firepower from their guns, while Digit climbed on top of the Hitman and opened up with an AK-47.

"What in tarnation..?" yelled Roscoe as he frantically swerved the Aggressor to avoid the gunfire. He did a good job but they still took damage. The Espion and the Ignition were taking damage as well, despite their special armour and glass.

Digit laughed maniacally as he and the other Lords kept up the gunfire.

Junior and Buford took out their guns and returned fire.

In the Espion, Ethan kept his hands on the wheel while Snake took out his tranq gun and his SOCOM.

"I'll take out the AK first!" Snake yelled.

As the Espion got out front, Digit fired the AK right at the front of it.

Snake then got a shot off from his tranq gun and hit Digit in the side of the neck.

The huge muscle man groaned as he felt the sting and then fell unconscious on the roof of the Hitman.

"That helped a bit." said Body Drop. "But can we still get out of this alive?"

"No problem." said Jesse as he kept driving. "I'm gonna ram 'em!"

"Go ahead and say it." Tombstone said to Body Drop.

"That ain't gonna work!" Body Drop yelled.

"Wanna bet?" asked Jesse as hit a switch and a strong titanium shield extended from the front of the Ignition as it got ahead.

Simon, Goldilocks, and Uzi kept up the fire, but looked nervous when they saw the Ignition not slowing down.

Simon kept firing until the twin machine guns on the Hitman's hood ran dry. But still the Ignition kept coming.

"Get the hell out of here!" Simon yelled as the Volvo was nearly upon them.

As Simon and Uzi grabbed Digit off the roof and Goldilocks joined them and ran, the Ignition plowed right through the Hitman, wrecking it.

Simon angrily roared after the three vehicles as they escaped. He raised his gold-plated .38 and fired a few shots at the rear ends of the Cannonballer and cop vehicles.

He smiled as he saw small sparks, indicating that he had succeeded in hitting them.

"So, it wasn't a total loss." Goldilocks remarked as he and Uzi tried to wake Digit up.

"Maybe so. But those assholes are toast next time we see 'em!" Simon yelled.

He looked down at his crumpled clothes.

"Goddamn it! They messed my suit up!" he growled as he threw his arms down in frustration.

As he did so, the .38 fired off, nearly shooting Simon in the foot.

He looked even more angry now.

"SHIT!" he yelled as he threw the gun away.

* * *

Back in Nurburg, Minnie and Daisy had driven Giselle onto the starting grid of the Nurburgring.

"Are you sure about this?" asked Minnie as Daisy took her seat behind Giselle's wheel.

"I just wanted to make our little stop in Germany complete. And to show what the two of us are now capable of behind the wheel thanks to Jim and Diane." Daisy smirked.

"Jim Douglas and Diane Darcy by any chance, ladies?" asked Thunder Bob over their radio.

"Affirmative. To make sure we wouldn't go into the Cannonball cold, we had them teach us everything they know racing wise." Minnie smirked.

"Well it's served you well so far." Toni remarked. "We hope that the 'Ring will be a good challenge to both of you and that you can best it."

"Thanks, Toni. If you're still performing your special DJ duties, we'd like to request a song." Daisy said.

"Just name the tune." Toni smirked.

"We'll have 'The Getaway' by Hilary Duff." said Minnie. "Unlike a certain other actress who got her start with Disney, Hilary's done us proud."

"Okay. Here we go." said Thunder Bob as he loaded the CD. "Break a leg, ladies!"

As the intro to the song began, Daisy peeled rubber and drove Giselle off the starting grid and into the first part of the 'Ring's course.

**Here I am again,**  
**Talking to myself.**  
**Sitting at a red light.**

**Both hands on the wheel.**  
**How am I supposed to feel?**  
**So much runnin' through my mind.**

As Daisy came upon the first hard set of turns, she slowed Giselle down to make the turns safely, but once through them was able to get back up to speed with no problem.

"This is why we picked a melllow song, Min." Daisy said. "So I could keep a cool head while doing this."

"Well, just keep it up. It looks like we have company." said Minnie as she looked in the rear-view.

Behind Giselle, the Ram Raider was driving on the 'Ring, with Turbo handling the turns brilliantly with his fast reflexes. Also involved in the chase was the Speed Demon. Slater and Michaels, though, were having a lot of trouble.

The Speed Demon wobbled a lot and nearly crashed into the side walls a couple of times as Slater kept his foot on the accelerator and couldn't make the sharp turns easily.

**First you wanna be free,**  
**Now you say you need me,**  
**Givin' mixed signals and signs.**

**It's so hard to let you in.**  
**Thinkin' you might slam the brakes again.**

"Could you possibly try NOT to kill us, Slater!" yelled Michaels in anger.

"Whoever designed this course should be bagged and tagged!" Slater replied.

"So, it's obvious you've never played 'Gran Turismo'." Michaels replied as he hit Slater on the shoulder. "Hell, I bet you never even got your driving skill maxed out in the GTA games!"

"WHOA!" yelled Slater as they went through a difficult chicane and he went off the side of the track and hit the wall, denting the nose of the Speed Demon badly.

**Put the pedal down.**  
**Headin' out of town.**  
**Gotta make a getaway.**

**The traffic in my brain is,**  
**Drivin' me insane.**  
**This is more than I can take.**

Turbo looked back at the Speed Demon and sneered. "Jerks probably only used to drag racing." he sneered. "Straight lines are for good cars, but curves are for good drivers, like yours truly."

"Then just keep it up." said Buttons as he opened a roof-hatch on the Ram Raider and stood up so his top half was visible out of the car.

**You tell me that you love me first,**  
**Then throw your heart into reverse,**  
**I gotta getaway.**

As Daisy kept her eyes on the course and negotiated another hard set of turns and then went onto one of the few straightaways on the 'Ring, Buttons unbuttoned his suit jacket to reveal the two machine guns he had cybernetically built into his chest.

Laughing nastily, he opened fire with both of them on Giselle.

The gunfire strafed the road near Giselle and she took a couple of hits on her body work but kept going.

With a combination of Daisy at the wheel and Giselle's own skills they kept ahead as Buttons kept trying to blow them off the 'Ring.

**I can't keep comin' back to you,**  
**Every time you're in the mood,**  
**To whisper something sweet in my ear.**

**It's so hard to move on,**  
**'Cuz every time I think you're gone,**  
**You show up in my rear view mirror.**

"Get back in, bright boy." said Turbo. "We'll put a little dent in their ego!"

Turbo climbed back through the roof hatch and strapped himself in the passenger seat as Turbo floored the Ram Raider's accelerator.

**Is this just a detour?**  
**'Cuz I gotta be sure,**  
**That you really mean what you say.**

**It's so hard to let you in,**  
**Thinkin' you might slam the brakes again.**

The Speed Demon had got back into the chase but had sustained more damage. The body was now completely covered with dents and the doors were hanging half-off.

"Are you mentally fit to drive?" asked the annoyed Michaels.

"Just shut up for God's sake. We have some felons to catch and money to earn!" Slater replied. He then put on a Yoda voice. "Much you still have to learn, young Padawan."

"Hey, it doesn't look like that A-Team car is trying to help the Lancia." Michaels remarked as he saw the Ram Raider move up beside Giselle and try to sideswipe her off the 'Ring.

**Put the pedal down.**  
**Heading out of town.**  
**Gotta make a getaway.**

**The traffic in my brain's,**  
**Driving me insane.**  
**This is more than I can take.**

Giselle honked her horn rudely at the Ram Raider as Turbo got ahead of her. Turbo then slammed on his brakes to see if Giselle would crash into his rear end and wreck her front.

Daisy had seen the move coming and swerved around the Ram Raider with expert moves. She then got back up to speed and went through a chicane. Turbo laughed as he floored the Ram Raider's accelerator and caught up with Giselle.

**You tell me that you love me first,**  
**Then throw your heart into reverse,**  
**I gotta getaway...**

**To a place where I,**  
**Can be redefined,**  
**Where you're out of sight.**

Slater had finally worked out about slowing down to make the turns and then getting up to speed and had made some ground. As he caught up with Giselle and the Ram Raider, he had noticed Minnie and Daisy in Giselle.

"HEY! It's the Disney girls!" he said. "That settles it! We help them!"

"Friggin' A!" said Michaels as he took out his gun. "No one attacks my childhood favourites and gets away with it!".

**And you're out of mind.**  
**But the truth is,**  
**I can't even say goodbye.**

As Slater kept his hands on the wheel and handled the driving, Michaels opened fire with his service revolver on the Ram Raider while Turbo still tried to ram Giselle from behind or sideswipe her into the wall as they approached the final stretch of the 'Ring.

**Here I am again,**  
**Talkin' to myself.**  
**Sittin' at a red light.**

**Both hands on the wheel.**  
**How am I supposed to feel?**  
**So much runnin' through my mind.**

Michaels had done some damage to the Ram Raider, but not much. Turbo and Buttons laughed evilly at the two NY cops' inability to stop them.

"This is so easy, it almost takes the fun outta bein' a crook!" laughed Turbo uproariously.

"You wouldn't have a can opener by any chance, Slater?" asked Michaels as he reloaded his gun.

**Put the pedal down.**  
**Headin out of town.**  
**Gotta make a getaway(A getaway)**

**The traffic in my brain's,**  
**Driving me insane.**  
**This is more than I can take(I can take)**

The Ram Raider was now right on Giselle's tail as Daisy and Turbo went into the final quarter mile.

"Now we got 'em!" yelled Turbo as he got up to Giselle's rear quarter panel and prepared for a PIT manouevere.

"Nobody can stop us now! NOBODY!" Yelled Buttons in triumph.

Suddenly, there was a huge and hard impact on the front of the Ram Raider. The front of the armoured vehicle was completely crushed.

Slater and Michaels caught up and looked surprised that the hit was the result of the Powerpuff Girls and Meteor Man punching the front of the Ram Raider at the same time.

"Holy hole in a doughnut!" Michaels remarked. By this time, Giselle had crossed the Nurburgring's finish line and both Daisy and Minnie cheered in triumph.

**You tell me that you love me first,**  
**Then throw your heart into reverse,**  
**I gotta getaway.**

'The Getaway' by Hilary Duff.

As the song ended, Giselle performed a power slide and came to a halt.

"I think you ladies just set a new record there!" Thunder Bob cheered through the radio. "And all that with the distraction of interference from bad guys and the law."

"Thanks, Thunder Bob." said Daisy. "Now, we must get going!"

"Don't spare the horsepower!" cheered Minnie as Daisy drove Giselle at top speed to the entrance to the 'Ring and drove back out onto the highway at maximum velocity.

As this was happening, the Powerpuff Girls used their laser eyes to cut away the rest of the armour on the Ram Raider to apprehend Turbo and Buttons.

At the same time, Slater and Michaels both trained their guns on the Ram Raider.

"What this doesn't look like is good." grumbled Buttons.

"Remind me to kick Badvibes' ass if we see him again in ten to twenty." Turbo replied.

* * *

The Hellenbach GT drove through Munich, nearing the German border with the Czech Republic. Kermit talked to Thunder Bob and Toni over the video link.

"So, the race has been going well for you so far, Kermit?" asked Toni.

"I have to say it has. There's been no major trouble. Which is odd, considering who's at the wheel." Kermit smirked.

The camera panned over to show Animal now behind the wheel, grinning madly.

"I'm not sure that was wise, Kermit. Considering we have a special guest here right now." said Thunder Bob.

Bob and Toni stepped aside to reveal Miss Piggy, who looked very annoyed.

"PIGGY?" yelled Kermit in shock.

"I came to Venturas to cheer you on, mon cherie." Piggy said a bit sternly. "And I thought I told you not to let Animal or Gonzo drive, and so far I've seen that both of them have taken turns at the wheel!"

"Now, look, Piggy. The car is fine. And IF it gets damaged, it can be repaired. You know we can afford it." Kermit protested.

"Yes, I appreciate that." said Piggy, her expression softening a bit. "But to be honest, I didn't really care about the car. I gave that warning to you at the start because the Hellenbach is replacable. But YOU aren't."

"Huh?" asked Fozzie.

"Kermie, having seen what goes on in the Cannonball three years ago, I was worried for you and just wanted you to be safe." Piggy said. "And no offence to Gonzo or Animal, but I doubt that anyone's safety is assured with them in the car."

Animal and Gonzo looked a bit offended.

"Now, Piggy. I think you're being a bit unfair. They've both handled the driving with expertise." Kermit said as Animal drove the Hellenbach past an alleyway.

Team Muppets failed to notice that Horace had pulled out of the alley and was coming up behind them very fast and revving his engine menacingly.

He overtook the Hellenbach and kept in front of them for a few seconds as Animal honked the Hellenbach's horn at him.

"What about all those losers who want to stop the Cannonball, then?" Piggy still protested. "If you were seriously hurt..."

"Miss Piggy, please." Gonzo said. "You can trust us with Kermit's safety. There is nothing to be..."

Animal yelped in surprise as he saw Horace raise his rear license plate up and reveal two grenade launchers. The other Muppets saw this too and looked shocked.

"...afraid of!" Gonzo nervously finished.

Horace fired a couple of grenades at the Hellenbach.

"BAD MAN!" Animal yelled as he steered with skill and managed to avoid the explosions.

One grenade detonated close to the front wheel of the Hellenbach, nearly making the car flip over.

Animal clenched his teeth and managed to make the car do a barrel roll and land back on its' four wheels again.

"WHOA!" yelled Rizzo.

"Kermie! What's going on?" Piggy yelled over the link.

"Hold, please!" Fozzie said in a 'telephone operator' voice as he shut the screen off and ignored it when it started ringing again.

Animal turned a hard left and drove the Hellenbach down an alleyway under a railway bridge. Horace kept driving straight ahead.

"Whew! Looks like we lost him!" Rizzo sighed in relief.

"No way it could be THAT easy!" Kermit said as Animal kept going.

As they passed an intersection with another alley leading from their left (south) side, Horace roared up from the southern alley and hit the side of the Hellenbach, putting a dent in it. He honked nastily as Animal recovered from the blow and drove on.

"I hate it when I'm right!" Kermit grumbled as Animal kept driving at high speed with Horace on their tail.

"Head for the warehouse district, Animal!" Gonzo yelled. "I have an idea!"

"It better be good!" said Rizzo, nervously looking back at Horace who rammed into their rear end a couple of times before Animal hit the nitrous and got ahead.

* * *

At the beginning of the long, Zaragoza street called the Paseo de Echegaray y Caballero, the Overlord and Kathy's GSX had pulled up to a makeshift starting line.

Don and Jazz stood along with the other members of the Zaragoza American Royalty club and cheered Ford on as he revved the Overlord's engine.

He looked over at Kathy and gave her a smug look. Kathy just kept her eyes on the road ahead.

After a tense few seconds, Carmello stepped forward, and dropped his arms.

"GO!" he yelled.

Ford and Kathy shifted their cars into high gear and roared off the starting line and down the long street.

As he drove, Ford banged his head to 'Purple Haze' as it played on the Overlord's radio.

The Overlord managed to keep up the lead for about fifteen seconds.

Then, as Ford started to make guitar noises along with the radio, he failed to realise that he'd missed a shift and lost speed.

Only when the Overlord's engine began to whine did he realise his mistake.

"SHIT!" he yelled as Kathy overtook him.

Ford quickly shifted and got going again. By now, it was too late. Kathy had crossed the finish line and the American Royalty members at the end of the course cheered for her.

"Son of a (bleep)in' bitch!" he yelled.

Jazz and Don looked disappointed.

"Jazz, for the next one, I think you should drive." Don said. "IF the Overlord wins, we still win."

"True. And I think Ford needs taught a lesson." Jazz added.

* * *

Horace had lost sight of the Hellenbach GT but had seen that it was going in the direction of Munich's warehouse district.

As the evil VW swerved into a courtyard, he drove slowly, taking care to make sure he wouldn't be taken by surprise.

He swiveled his headlights from left to right as he drove down a stetch of road leading between a warehouse wall and a set of crates that had been laid out in a stack.

As he neared the huge cargo door leading into the warehouse on his right side, there was the roar of an engine.

Before he had time to react, the Hellenbach roared out of the warehouse and rammed into his right rear quarter panel, nearly spinning him out.

"SURPRISE!" Animal yelled in delight.

As Horace was distracted, the Hellenbach turned to the left and roared back towards the entrance.

Horace revved his engine, making a 'snarl' noise and turned a 180 to go after Team Muppets.

The entrance had a long stetch of road, beside which were several stacks of packing crates.

As Animal reached the entrance, he turned the Hellenbach around to face the way they had come.

"I hope you know what you're doing, guys." Kermit said as he, Fozzie and Rizzo gulped.

"Relax. This is gonna be fun." reassured Gonzo.

As the Hellenbach now faced forward, Horace came back into view, speeding down the narrow roadway towards them.

Animal laughed and drove the Hellenbach down the road, straight towards Horace in a chicken run.

Rizzo was now whimpering to himself. "I think I'm having a near-death experience. Soon to be a full-death experience."

Animal and Gonzo kept their eyes straight ahead as Horace kept roaring towards them.

Fozzie solemnly took off his hat.

"Any regrets, Kermit?" he asked.

"Maybe 'Muppet Treasure Island'." Kermit replied as he broke out in a sweat.

Animal and Gonzo kept their eyes on Horace as they continued the chicken run.

Just as the two cars were about to collide, Horace bottled out and swerved off to the right.

He rammed right through several stacks of the packing crates and they began to fall on top of him, until he was nearly buried.

"CHICKEN!" Animal yelled.

"YEAH!" Gonzo yelled triumphantly as Animal did a reverse 180 and drove the Hellenbach out of the yard.

The other three Muppets were now ecscatic with joy.

As they drove past the disabled Horace, Rizzo leaned out the window and flapped his arms like a bird.

"BUCK, BUCK, B'GAWK! B'GAWK!" He laughed as Team Muppets left the evil VW behind for now.

Kermit sighed in relief. He then turned his attention to their comms device, which had been ringing a lot ever since he'd cut Piggy off earlier.

He activated it and saw Piggy onscreen looking worried.

"Listen, frog! You'd better tell me you're alright!" Piggy said in desperation.

"Yes, Piggy. Everything's fine. We're all okay. And the car's fine." Kermit reassured. "Well, apart from a few little dents."

"I told you, Kermit. The car can be fixed. Are you certain you're okay?" she insisted.

"Yes, Miss Piggy. We're all okay." said Rizzo.

"Well, even so, that settles it. From now on, only let Gonzo or Animal drive if it's an emergency." Piggy said sternly.

Team Muppets looked at each other knowingly and laughed.

"What's so funny?" Piggy demanded. "If you say it's a joke Fozzie told, I'll know you're lying!"

"It's a long story, Miss Piggy." said Gonzo. "We'll explain later."

"In the meantime let's find a garage." Fozzie said as they exited the city.

* * *

Back in Zaragoza, the Overlord was now parked alongside the GSX back at the start of the Paseo de Echegaray y Cabellero, preparing for the second run.

Jazz was now behind the wheel of the Overlord while Carmello had taken the wheel of the GSX.

As they prepared to race, the Tempest came driving up. Bam looked confused as to what was going on.

"Hey, Ford, Don. What's the caper?" asked Tony.

"Just a little side race to earn us some mod money." replied Don.

Bam perked up a bit. He'd been trying to think of how he himself could raise the money to both repair and pay off the Job after what the Bloodhound Gang had done to it pretty much since leaving France.

"I don't like that look." Tony said unsurely.

"Aw, eat my ass!" said Bam as he addressed Don again. "Do these guys accept bets?"

"Bam!" said Torquenstein in alarm.

"Sure we do." said Kathy as she stepped over. "Who'd you like to bet on?"

Bam took out a wad of cash and handed it to Kathy. "200 large on the '57 Ford." he said. "Double or nothing."

"You're crazy!" yelled Tony. "Getting the Job fixed up isn't worth that!"

"You seem to forget it's Bam Margera who's your team-mate, skate boy." Kathy said as she took the money. "You do know it's best two out of three runs and this is the second?"

"Yeah, but I'm down with it." said Bam.

"You'll get paid after the third run...IF the Ford wins." Kathy replied.

"Come on, baby! Kick his ass!" Ford yelled encouragingly to Jazz, who kept her eyes on the road.

Kathy went over to the GSX and patted Carmello on the shoulder.

"Ride 'em, cowboy. Make your maw-maw proud." she smirked.

Carmello smiled as he revved his engine. Another member of American Royalty stepped in between the cars and dropped his hands to signal the start of the race.

Carmello got out of the starting grid before Jazz did, but Jazz was able to catch up and shift with expertise as she gained ground on Kathy's GSX. As Carmello got a fraction of a lead, he activated his NOS.

"Too soon." smirked Jazz as she activated the NOs on the Overlord and got a lead of a car length on the GSX as they neared the end of the quarter mile.

Carmello tried to catch up, but to no avail.

The Overlord roared across the finish line, leading by a nose length.

"YEAH! THAT'S MY WOMAN! OHHHH!" yelled Ford as he punched the air in delight.

Bam cheered as well.

"What are yo so happy about?" asked Torquenstein. "There's one run left to go!"

"You are SUCH a buzzkill!" groaned Bam.

* * *

Near the Germany/Austria border, the Barbarian had managed to catch up with KITT 3000. Both supercars were now parked.

"Where were you, dad?" asked Mike Traceur.

"When we heard about that hoo-hah on the autobahn outside Dusseldorf, we thought we shold help out." said Michael. "Plus we had a suspicion that Garthe may have been involved. But he was a no-show."

"That makes sense." said KITT 3000. "We last picked up KARR on our scanner somewhere in Hungary. But before we could get a precise fix on either him or Goliath, they just disappeared."

"What do you mean?" asked KITT.

"We mean just that. No matter how powerful our scan was, we couldn't detect either of them." said Mike.

"I don't like the sound of that." said Michael. "If they've come up with a way to block our sensors, we're in dutch."

"I couldn't agree more, Michael." said KITT. "I can't detect any of KARR or Goliath's readings either. It looks like Garthe had the same idea we did. To upgrade before we next battled."

"At least we more or less know where they are now." said Mike. "We've tipped off the Hungarian authorities and there's been no report of either vehicle crossing the border into either Romania or the Ukraine. And Serbia's not on the race route."

"Okay. Then it looks like we'll have to head to Hungary and sniff 'em out." said Michael.

"Okay. Let's go." said KITT 3000.

* * *

Meteor Man and the Powerpuff Girls had just delivered Turbo and Buttons to a police station in Nurburg, where they were waiting to be bailed out.

As the four superheroes went out of the station in satisfaction, Slater and Michaels walked with them.

"That was friggin' awesome what you guys did back there." Michaels said.

"We know you're helping out the Cannonballers, but that's no problem with us." Slater said. "You see, when my buddy here and I were kids, we hated cops."

"Seriously?" asked Blossom.

"Sure. We only got jobs as cops 'cause the money was good. That's why we weren't gonna arrest Minnie and Daisy back there." said Michaels. "We see a bit of ourselves in guys like the Cannonballers."

"Plus, we grew up on Disney stuff." said Slater. "Especially the Herie movies, so we weren't about to let that little Lancia get impounded."

"Well, that's good to know that you're being open-minded." said Meteor man as he checked a flashing green light on his suit.

"What's that mean?" asked Buttercup.

"It means I need to recharge." said Meteor Man as he turned a dial on his suit's left wrist. "My buddy Michael worked out this gizmo so I could recharge without falling asleep for days or losing my powers. But it takes about ten hours to recharge. That's a long time to be out of action on a mission like this."

"We'll keep the nasties off the Cannonballers' backs for you, Meteor Man!" cheered Bubbles.

"We were just wondering if you girls could do us a favour, though." said Slater as he took out a piece of paper.

"What's that?" asked Meteor Man.

"It's an affidavit confirming that our car was wrecked in the line of duty." said Michaels as he nodded to the wrecked Speed Demon.

"You see, we don't want our chief knowing we let a Cannonballer go and he offered compensation for vehicle damages." Slater smirked.

Blossom chuckled and put her hands on her hips.

"You guys." she sighed.

"Well, we scratched your backs. It's only fair." said Slater.

"True." shrugged Meteor Man as he signed the affidavit.

"And...we were wondering if you could...um...enhance the condition of our car a bit if you could?" asked Michaels.

Buttercup and Bubbles smiled as they cracked their knuckles.

"I'd say it's possible." smirked Buttercup.

"I'd say it could be a while before we regroup with Agent Banner. Don't you say, Officer Slater?" smirked Michaels mischeviously.

"I'd agree, Officer Michaels." said Slater. "I've always wanted to try REAL German beer."

"Then let's take a little constitutional while these good citizens help out with the car." Michaels replied.

Both cops laughed and headed off as Buttercup and Bubbles approached the Speed Demon.

* * *

"Unbelievable." said Jesse as he drove the Ignition down the road towards Madrid. "Raging gun battle and I forgot to bring a gun."

"Jesse James forgot a gun." said Body Drop. "Can you say irony?"

"Hey, guys." said Tombstone. "The ride feels kind of weird. I think we might have taken a hit."

"I agree." said Jesse. "I'm getting some crazy feedback in the steering."

That's when the car let out a rattle followed by the sickening grind of metal on pavement.

"That was the front tire." said Tombstone. "We gotta pull over."

"Not necessarily." said Jesse. He flipped a switch on the console.

Four wheels lowered from the bottom of the car and lifted the normal wheels off the road. A small catwalk extended from the side.

"Okay." said Jesse and he and Body Drop made fists. "One, two, three, shoot!" They shook their fists at each other. Jesse extended his first and middle fingers while Body Drop flattened his out.

"Ah!" groaned Body Drop as he undid his seat belt. "Tombstone, get that spare ready."

"Wouldn't it be safer to pull over?" asked Tombstone.

"This rig is good for sixty miles per hour." said Jesse. "Pulling over is good for zero."

Body Drop climbed out of the car and stepped onto the catwalk. Tombstone handed the spare tire to him. Body Drop grabbed it and stepped over to the front wheel. He placed the spare on the hood and hooked a cable to the fender.

"Man, that looks dangerous." said Tombstone.

"It is." said Jesse. "You're doing it next time."

Body Drop used a torque wrench to remove the front rim and replaced it with the spare. He took out the torque wrench again and bolted the wheel back on.

"I think he's got it." said Jesse.

Body Drop handed the spent rim to Tombstone and climbed back inside. Jesse flipped the switch back and retracted the catwalk and extra wheels.

"Alright!" said Jesse as he high fived Body Drop. "You just got out of paying for gas for two continents."

* * *

Elsewhere in Spain, the Espion and Aggressor pulled over at the side of the road. The occupants of both cars climbed out. Roscoe, Buford, and Junior were completely unaware that the Aggressor was leaking fuel into the gutter.

"Nice to be out of that firefight." said Ethan.

"Yeah, it is." said Roscoe.

"Maybe we can take a little breather before we get back on the road." said Snake.

"I think not." said Roscoe as he, Buford, and Junior drew their guns.

"This here is the end of the hunt." said Buford.

"Should've known it wouldn't be easy." said Snake.

Ethan sniffed. He then looked to the gutter and saw the fuel trail. "Can you really bring us in like this?" he asked.

"Oh, you bet." said Junior. "We've got authority in several countries."

"But do you have the equipment?" asked Ethan. "I mean are those guns even loaded?"

"Just watch!" said Roscoe. He aimed his gun into the gutter and fired, igniting the fuel trail.

He and Junior looked at the flame running up the gutter towards the Aggressor. After the flame went behind the car, it exploded.

"My sandwich!" yelled Buford.

Ethan and Snake used the distraction to run back to the Espion. By the time Buford, Roscoe, and Junior noticed this, they had already gotten in.

"How did you know he was going to do that?" asked Snake as Ethan started the car.

"Lucky guess." said Ethan as he threw the car into gear and raced off.

All Roscoe could do was stand there and watch them leave. Junior turned to him and asked "Now, who's the dipstick?"

* * *

In Zaragoza, Ford had climbed back into the Overlord and Kathy had now taken the GSX back from Carmello as they prepared for their final run.

"Okay, Ford, check this." said Don. "It looks liked the Buick has more torque than the Overlord, so it will probably get a lead on you."

"That's right." said Jazz. "So it's a question of shifting and using nitrous wisely. And be prepared for any surprises. You CAN'T let yourself get distracted this time."

"Okay, guys. Thanks. I hope this will work." said Ford. "She's a lot tougher than those guys in London."

"Well, watch yourself." said Don as he patted Ford's shoulder.

Team Torquenstein stood among the American Royalty crowd with apprehensive looks as Kathy and Ford revved their engines.

As the final race began, Kathy did indeed get a lead on Ford. He clenched his teeth and shifted into overdrive. As he gained ground on Kathy, Don, Jazz and Team Torquenstein tensed.

Kathy's GSX held the lead for a few seconds. Then, suddenly, a delivery truck drove out of a side street.

Both vehicles swerved around it, but Kathy was monentarily distracted and missed a shift herself.

Ford gained the lead and hit his nitrous.

Holding the lead by two car lengths, Ford crossed the finish line.

"YEAH!" yelled Bam as he punched the air.

Carmello winced a bit, but then smiled as the Overlord and Kathy's GSX both turned around and drove back to the starting line.

As the Overlord returned, Ford performed a powerful slide with his car and came to a halt near Jazz.

"Fair lady, your chariot awaits!" he beamed as Jazz smiled.

"Ain't we gotta pick up the dough first?" asked Don in a business-like manner.

"Way to ruin the moment, playa!" Tony Hawk joked.

"Hey, easy with that shit, okay?" warned Don.

Kathy pulled up beside the Overlord and sighed.

"It's true there was a distraction." she said. "But I do recognise superior driving when it comes along. Congrats, Mr. Fairlane."

"Thanks, mam." smirked Ford as Carmello came over and handed him his winnings.

Another member of the club handed Bam the cash he had won from his bet.

"Happy now?" asked Torquenstein.

"Not sure it's quite enough for the Job." said Bam. "What other action is going on right now?"

"Oh no, you don't!" said Tony as he grabbed Bam by the scruff of the neck and frogmarched him back to the Tempest. "We are now continuing the race."

Torquenstein rolled his eyes and joined them.

The American Royalty chapter cheered as Jazz and Don got back into the Overlord and Ford waved farewell.

As he peeled rubber, Jazz checked the PDA for the next Speed Zone location. "Head to Valencia next, honey." she said.

"I wonder which improvements we should get next." mused Ford in a joking way.

"Well we ain't wastin' the cash on a bass boost for the stereo. That's for goddamn sure." said Don.

* * *

Bob drove the Wisdom through Austria.

"Good thing she had a decent stock." he said.

"I hope this works." said Mortimer. "These things cost sixty-five simoleons each."

"Relax, honey." said Bella. "We can make up the cash. Remember that UFO you spotted?"

"That was a false alarm." said Mortimer.

Something started to beep.

"This isn't." said Bob. "The robot detector just picked up something."

"What does that mean?" asked Bella.

"Well, obviously it means that there are robots in the vicinity." said Mortimer.

"I think that's them." said Bob as he looked in the rearview.

Behind them were four humanoid figures riding Honda CBR900's. The motorcycles were yellow with black stripes.

"Any chance this is a non-issue?" asked Mortimer.

Guns emerged from the headlights of the motorcycles.

"Doesn't look like it." said Bella.

"Hang on." said Bob.

He floored the accelerator. Just down the road, the Maniac 2 drove along.

"Sounds like competition's on our tails." said Laura.

One of the motorcycles fired on the Wisdom.

"And it sounds like they've got trouble." said Liam.

The Wisdom and the motorcycles raced past them.

"Unbelievable." said Max. "I'm getting beaten by a Honda."

"Max, this is a Honda." said Liam.

"Guys, those were Wasp droids!" said Laura. "And they were riding Rats!"

"Holy cow, she's right!" said Max.

"Let's kick some android tail!" said Liam.

The agents donned their masks and took off after the Wisdom.

"Mortimer, can you get to the cargo hatch?" asked Bob.

"Yes, why?" asked Mortimer.

"I managed to build something in my spare time." said Bob.

Mortimer made his way to the cargo hatch and opened it. A small, black robot with two rotors flew out.

"Oh, you've made a SentryBot." said Mortimer.

"Watch him go." said Bob.

The SentryBot flew out of the rear window.

"Let's hope this is a good scenario." said Bob. "In that case, the robots will be shorted out."

"What happens in a less-than-good scenario?" asked Bella.

"Recharging." said Bob.

The SentryBot flew up to the first Wasp droid, extended a rod, and released a bolt of electricity. The Wasp suddenly froze and crashed.

"Good scenario." said Mortimer.

The Maniac 2 came up behind them.

"Liam, would you do the honors?" asked Max.

"Right." said Liam. "Twister, on!"

His mask projected a pair of blue energy tornados. The Wasp at the rear got caught in them. The tornadoes tore it to shreds.

"Two down." said Bella.

"We've got one coming alongside!" said Mortimer.

"Not a problem." said Bob.

He looked in his rearview and saw it running next to them. He quickly opened his door and hit the brakes. The Wasp crashed into the door and smashed into the pavement.

"Just one left!" squealed Mortimer.

"Got this one lined up!" said Max. He hit the red button on the dashboard and transformed the Maniac 2. As soon as the transformation completed, he fired the laser cannons at the Wasp and destroyed it.

"We got them!" said Mortimer.

"Let's give a big thank you to these guys." said Bella.

The Maniac 2 pulled up next to them.

"Good going, you guys!" yelled Bob.

"What are you lads doing this way?" asked Liam.

"You're not going to believe this." said Mortimer. "Dracula has risen again and he's turned some of the Cannonballers into vampires."

"Whoa!" said Laura. "That's pretty serious!"

"I know." said Bella. "Luckily, we were able to find a cure for vampirism and we're delivering it now."

"And those Wasps got in the way?" asked Max. "That could've been a disaster!"

"Good job we got there, right?" asked Liam.

"What about the rest of the way?" asked Laura.

"They handled themselves well." said Max. "But what if the next attack is worse?"

"I can't allow that to happen." said Laura. "First, do no harm. Remember?"

"What do you say, Liam?" asked Max.

Liam didn't answer him. Instead, he picked up the microphone for the radio and pressed the button. "This is Liam O'Grady from Team MASK calling Race Central."

"Go ahead." said Brock.

"A serious issue has just come up." said Liam. "Unfortunately, we're forced to abandon the puzzle hunt. Repeat, we are abandoning the puzzle hunt."

"Are you sure about that?" asked Brock.

Liam turned to Max and Laura. They both nodded.

"That's an affirmative." said Liam.

"Okay, I'll call ahead to Genoa and tell them there will be one less for dinner." said Brock. "Maybe we'll see on a later continent."

"Aye." said Liam. "I'm out."

"In more ways than one." said Max. "Dracula, prepare to die...again."

* * *

Back in Tennessee, Sheriff Baxter and a large group of the technicians who had worked on the Crusader had driven the vehicle to a local training facility. It was a mock-up town by the name of Daniels' Creek.

Accompanying the group this time was Masado. He currently sat in the driver's seat of the Crusader, wearing a racing jumpsuit and a crash helmet.

The Crusader was lined-up at the entrance to the 'main street' part of the town, which had many fake businesses and homes set up, even a Town Hall.

"Look, Masado. I'm not so sure you should be doing this." Baxter said as he stood at the driver side window of the Crusader.

"It's no problem, Sheriff. You know I'm used to driving an SUV. Plus I'm qualified to be much more than just an interpreter for this squad." Masado cheerfully replied.

"Yeah, well just try not to let it get away from you. We had the rollcage built in just in case of emergency." said the head technician. "The Crusader's been souped-up to hell and back and we want to ensure the survival of the driver."

"And don't take that as meaning that it's okay to try and test the strength of the body." said Baxter. "So far, we've poured about $40,000 of taxpayers' money into this project."

"Well, no offence, sir. But it won't be worth 40,000 pins if it doesn't work." said Masado.

"Good point. But this test isn't just of the Crusader." Baxter said as he pulled out a strange-looking gun. "Our lab boys came up with this projectile tracking device. We're going to chase you for a while and then lose sight of you. Just before we lose you, we fire the tracker at your rear bumper. As soon as we can find you, we'll know it works."

"And then it'll be adapted as another armament for the Crusader." the head technician chipped in.

"I understand." Masado said as he started the Crusader's engine.

Baxter and the head tech then climbed into a squad car and started it up. Little did Baxter know that Masado intended to sabotage the Crusader project so that his arrangement with K.T. and Takumi could pay off. He had every intention of trying to send the Crusader to the scrapyard.

Baxter got in contact with Masado over the radio.

"Right. You've got a ten second head start. Try and make it interesting for us." Baxter said.

"Yes, sir." said Masado as he peeled rubber off the starting grid.

The Crusader roared off down the street.

As it did, a few police officers in civilian disguise pulled out of side streets in test vehicles so Masado could attempt to evade and weave through traffic.

Masado handled it with no problems. By this time, Baxter had started to drive after the Crusader in the squad car.

As Baxter and the head tech stayed on Masado's tail, Masado drove across a 'public park' and crashed through a couple of benches.

"Hey! I said 'easy on it'!" Baxter yelled through the radio.

Masado continued to lead the black and white on a merry chase, dodging and weaving out of many streets and alleyways.

As the Crusader crashed through a stack of packing crates in an alley and reached the end of it, another police test vehicle pulled out and blocked Baxter's way.

"Okay, NOW!" yelled Baxter.

The head tech leaned out the window of the cruiser as the Crusader disappeared into the distance.

He fired the tracking device in the direction of the Crusader.

As the projectile was shot, the tech pulled out a small PDA and checked for the signal from the tracker just as the test vehicle let them through.

"YES! We got him!" said the tech in triumph. "The signal is coming through clearly."

"Good. So it works." asked Baxter. "Now, let's fire up this puppy and see where he's gone."

"Yeah, we fire this thing up and it turns out he's right next to your SUV." joked the technician.

"He'd better not be." laughed Baxter. "That's a loading zone."

The tech checked the PDA and looked confused.

"It looks like it's stopped." he said. "According to this, it's somewhere cars can't go."

"Uh, Sheriff." another member of the taskforce said over the radio. "Masado had a slight mishap."

Sure enough, the Crusader was now lodged in the front display window of a fake furniture store.

Masado had deliberately tried to wreck the vehicle. He looked annoyed that it didn't work.

"This is gonna be tougher than I thought." he mumbled to himself.

The squad car pulled up outside. Baxter grunted in annoyance as he got out and approached Masado as he removed his helmet and safety belt.

"Goddamn it, Masado! Didn't I tell you not to let it get away from you?" he growled.

"Sorry, Sheriff. I guess there was a bit too much horsepower for me." Masado said in a mock-serious way as he climbed out of the Crusader.

"Well, that settles it." said Baxter. "Tomorrow, for the test run on the highway, that guy Bolan can drive it. He was an army driver before joining the force so he should be able to handle it."

As Baxter was saying this, he had turned his back. While he was distracted, Masado surreptitiously crawled under the Crusader and reached into the engine bay.

As Baxter went over to talk to the head tech, Masado found the connecting rods and loosened a bolt on one. He did it in such a way that his sabotage was not openly visible.

He smirked and climbed back out from under the truck.

"Let's see him deal with that." Masado thought to himself as he exited the store and went to join Baxter.

"So, at least we know the tracker will work." said the head tech as Masado came over.

"Yeah, but I think Masado should stay working with the lab boys." said Baxter.

"That's fine with me, Sheriff." shrugged Masado.

"It's an order, not a request, pal." said Baxter sternly. "Seriously, a few inches to the left and you could have wrecked my car. Do you have any idea how hard it was to convince my ex-wife NOT to take it as part of the settlement?"

"I guess not, sir." said Masado, giving a sneaky smile as Baxter turned his back.

* * *

Back in Spain, the Squalo now sped down the highway towards Alicante.

Jack Colton looked angry. "We have to find out some way who framed us." he said.

"Well, from what I've heard, as far as who would want to sabotage the Cannonball goes, the line forms to the right." saidf Ralph grimly.

Highway came alongside them on his Turbo Cycle and gave them an 'I'm watching you' gesture with his free hand before he accelerated past them.

"Shit." Ralph grumbled.

"Well, to me, it's obvious." Joan said. "Someone must have made a replica of the Squalo. So as much as it pains me to do it, we'll have to deactivate the cloaking device on the windows."

Jack then hit the steering wheel in frustration. "Goddamn it! Why didn't I think of that before?" he said in frustration.

"Sometimes this does feel like 'The Young and the Stupid' I'm caught up in." said Ralph.

"We didn't hear YOU think of it either, kumquat!" Jack said as he deactivated the mirror device on the Squalo's windows.

Just then, Highway's voice came over their radio from far up the road.

"You guys have REALLY done it this time, Colton!" he said. "When help arrives, you'll be disqualified, banned, AND under arrest! Attacking a protector like this is going too far!"

"Shit! Sounds like Highway's met whoever framed us!" said Jack.

"Hold on a second!" said Joan as she activated the comlink to Race Central.

"Mr. Yates, you said you could find us with the video satellite, right?" she asked.

An angry Brock replied "Why? You wanna turn yourselves in?"

"Just get a shot of the immediate area. Including where Highway is." Joan said. "PLEASE! It'll sort things out!"

Brock noted her sincere tone. "Okay. We'll do it. Jack and Jo will be watching as well."

"Thanks." said Joan.

Jack stepped on the gas and roared up the highway. Within about half a minute, they came upon Highway being chased by the Dead Ringer.

At one point, Angie swerved around Highway's cycle and got a good bit in front of him.

Angie laughed as she dropped a few mines from the rear of the Dead Ringer.

Highway struggled to avoid them, but managed to do so. He then heard a horn honk and looked around. His jaw dropped when he saw the Squalo behind him.

"Have I got some weird double vision or something?" he thought.

At Race Central, Brock, Ron, Veronica, and President Harris had now seen everything on the screen as the Dead Ringer and the Squalo respectively tried to hinder and aid Highway.

"A replica of a Cannonball vehicle?" Ron asked in disbelief.

"Nonsense." scoffed President Harris. "Both those Plymouths are distinctive. Except for the one in front which is identical."

Brock gave Harris a withering look and then looked back to the screen.

"The one helping Highway is the Squalo. We can see that Joan's team turned off their mirror windows. The other one must just have mirrored windows that can't change like the Squalo's can."

"So, now do you believe us?" asked Joan over the link.

Brock swallowed hard. "Joan, I apologise profusely. You're no longer on probation. But we can save the formal apologies for when you save Highway."

"Right." said Jack as he swerved around Highway and got on the Dead Ringer's tail.

"Shit!" snarled Angie as she saw that Joan's team had rumbled her.

Jack activated a switch and a pair of laser guns extended from the Squalo's roof.

Angie kept the hammer down and dropped a few more mines as she tried to escape.

Jack fired a few shots from the laser guns, aiming for her tyres.

As Angie tried to keep the lead, she picked up her CB.

"Darius! I've been rumbled! The Cannonballers are onto me! Get your ass over here and give me a hand!" she yelled.

"I'll be right there!" said Darius in reply. "There's a junkyard half a mile from where you are. Head there and I'll get you!"

"Roger!" snapped Angie as she activated her nitrous.

Jack did the same and continued to snap at her heels.

Highway had watched the whole thing happen and now reported to Jack Carter and Jo Lupo.

"Team Colton WERE set up." he said. "I got a good look at the other 'Cuda's license plate. It was an Arizona plate while the Squalo has a New York plate. I'm sending you and Professor Hikita the Arizona 'Cuda's number now to see if you can trace it."

"Affirmative, Highway." said Jo. "The least we could do for Team Colton is figure out who did this to them."

"Let's let Memphis know too." said Jack Carter. "He's bound to have a bone to pick with these sleazeballs."

Angie had, by now, got a good lead on the Squalo and had swerved and crashed through the locked but rusty gate of the junkyard.

As she made her hard entrance, she had slammed the Dead Ringer into the side of a pile of wrecked cars.

In a flash, she undid her safety belt, drew her gun and jumped out of the Dead Ringer.

As she heard the sound of the Squalo approaching, she ran off through the rows of wrecked cars, looking for a hiding place.

As the Squalo came through the gate, Jack smirked as he saw the abandoned Dead Ringer.

He fired a laser blast at the gas tank and blew the replica 'Cuda to smithereens.

"Now they've got nowhere to go." he said. "And don't worry. I saw that the door was open and no-one was in it."

"Let's get 'em!" said Ralph as he and Jack each pulled out a gun and went to look for Angie.

"Why do I have to stay with the car?" asked Joan indignantly.

Jack went down one row of cars, keeping his eyes to the front.

"Come on out, you crazy bastard." he whispered to himself.

He heard a gun being cocked behind him and froze.

"I believe you mean 'crazy bitch'." said Angie as she stepped out from a side alley and kept her gun trained on Jack. "Drop it, sucker!" she said arrogantly.

Jack grunted and dropped his gun.

Angie picked it up and now aimed both guns at him.

"YOU LOSE! Good day, sir!" Angie sneered triumphantly.

"Making pop culture references doesn't make you witty." Jack said.

"You're just saying that 'cause you can't think of anything witty to say either." Angie laughed. "Night night."

Just then, Angie got an electric shock and shook wildly.

She dropped the guns and fell to the ground.

Standing behind her was Joan, holding a taser gun.

Jack saw this and laughed. "I'm glad you finally found a use for that, Joanie." he said.

"Let that be a lesson to you about leaving me behind." Joan chided him.

Back at the entrance to the junkyard, Ralph had done a complete circle of the area and failed to realise that Jack and Joan had taken care of Angie. He was about to head back in and look for them when he heard a roaring engine approaching fast.

He turned to look and was stunned as he saw Darius' A4 do a power slide into the junkyard, with Darius keeping one hand on the wheel and firing a gun out his open window with the other.

"NEVER get out of your car, asswipe!" Darius yelled triumphantly as Ralph returned fire and then ran for cover when he ran out of bullets.

"COLTON! JOAN!" Ralph yelled as he ran.

Jack and Joan forgot about Angie and ran to help their friend.

They didn't know that this was just what Darius wanted.

As they ran towards the north of the junkyard, Kenji's Civic crashed through one of the light walls of the yard and stopped in front of Angie.

Wolf and Kenji got out and quickly pulled their fallen comrade into the Civic and then whooped in triumph as they drove off.

"We got her, Darius. Now get the hell out of there!" Wolf yelled into his radio.

Darius smiled and hung a 180 out of the junkyard as Jack and Joan joined Ralph and Jack fired a few shots after the retreating Audi.

"Goddamn!" Jack snapped.

"Well, at least we're off the hook." shrugged Joan.

"True. But these assholes are gonna pay!" Ralph yelled. "Their ass is grass and I'M the lawnmower!"

* * *

Jake and Max pulled into a rest area somewhere in Austria. They found the Midnight Club members parked there.

"This is it." said Jake. "This is where Darryl said Dracula was holding a meeting. Just a couple of clicks north."

"I hope those guys are aware of the danger here." said Max.

"Don't worry." said Jake. "We'll just tell them it's not their concern."

"Hey, look who's here." said Dice.

"Stop for a little rest as well?" asked Parfait.

"Nah." said Max. "Got a little personal matter to attend to."

They walked into a forest path as Priss pulled up on the Streetfighter.

"Where are those two going?" she asked.

"Don't know." said Dice.

Priss ran after the two of them.

"Where is this meeting taking place?" asked Max.

"There." said Jake.

They came upon Dracula and a group of vampire minions gathered in a clearing. Dylan was with them.

"Don't vampires have super sensitive hearing?" asked Max.

"Yeah, they do." said Jake.

Dracula stood tall and addressed his minions.

"I have summoned you all here for a mighty purpose." he said. "As you know, once again the Cannonball Run is going through Europe. Too long have us children of the night allowed these arrogant gearhead fools to run roughshod over our land. AND allowed vampire hunters like Buffy Summers hide amongst them to make our lives a misery. That is why I have finally decided that we will no longer stand idly by. It is time we brought the Cannonballers around to our side. With the help of Ms. Sanders here, we will make great changes to our battle plan."

There was the sound of a communications device ringing. It came from Maeve's Evo, which was parked nearby. "Dylan, if you may?" Drac said.

Dylan stepped away and went over to the Evo.

As Dracula turned to address the vampires again, Priss walked up. She looked confused as she saw her fellow Cannonballers spying on the vampire meeting.

"We have obtained the European route of the race from the GPS in the Bonfire, the race vehicle used by the new additions to our ranks." Dracula continued. "As you know, our best scientists have been working in laboratories in my castle to work up new ways for us to move unhindered in the daylight. We have recently tested such devices and are now positive they will be of use to us in stopping this infernal race."

Priss snuck up behind Max. "What's going on?" she asked.

"Be as quiet as possible." whispered Max. "The vamps are making plans."

Dracula moved over to a car that had been covered with a tarpaulin. He whisked the tarp off to reveal a black Ford Mustang RTR-X with hints of green paint on the hood and green rims on the wheels. The windows were strongly tinted.

"You will each be given an attack vehicle exactly like this." Drac said. "It has the horsepower to keep up with any race vehicle and armaments to take out even the strongest assault vehicle. You will be able to see through the windows clearly, but no sunlight can penetrate them to harm you."

The throng of vampires looked amazed.

"In addition, should the vehicles be in any way compromised, these will help." Drac said as he took out what looked like a strong suit of armor with a mirrored visor.

"This armor has been developed so you can move about in the daylight. It is completely flame proof so no harm will come to you should flamethrowers be thrown into the mix. Again, no ultraviolet light can penetrate it. And...watch this."

Drac took out a stake and a sword. He rammed the stake into the chest plate of the armor but no damage was done. He then sliced around the part where the helmet met the shoulder but the sword broke in half.

Max and the others looked stunned when they saw this.

"Indestructible." Drac said. "No blade or stake can stop you. The suits also have mounted weapons of their own. You can thank one of our sympathisers in Stark Enterprises for stealing the technology. You will be unstoppable with these weapons and vehicles. And the Cannonballers shall finally meet defeat and earn their just desserts for meddling in our affairs!"

The vampires cheered.

"Now, with the element of surprise on your side, go and bring new recruits over to our side!" Dracula yelled in triumph as he raised his hand.

The vampire throng cheered and howled.

"That sounds like a huge problem." whispered Priss.

"Well, what now?" whispered Jake.

"We get out of here as stealthy as possible." whispered Max. "Then we get to Lt. Simms and inform him about this development."

Dylan ran over very quickly. "We have a problem, my lord." she said. "The officials are onto us."

"Holy crap! Dylan's a vampire!" yelled Priss.

The vampires all looked to them.

"They heard that." said Jake.

"Damn." Priss said flatly.

"Get them!" ordered Dracula.

Jake, Max, and Priss made a run for it. Any vampire who wasn't Dracula or Dylan chased them, hissing wildly.

Dice, Parfait, and Savo walked down the path.

"What could be taking them so long?" asked Parfait.

"We'd better see if they're alright." said Savo.

The others came running towards them.

"They look fine to me." said Dice.

"Please try to keep up." said Priss as they ran past them.

"Whatchu talking about?" asked Dice.

The vampires came into view.

"Sacre bleu!" said Parfait.

The Midnight Club members ran after the others.

They came upon a gate. A man saw them running over.

"Walk." he said.

"Vampires!" yelled Max.

"What? Oh." said the man. He promptly closed the gate and locked it.

The Cannonballers ran up to the gate.

"You can't leave us here!" yelled Dice.

"Uh, I'd hate to be the 'we got company' guy but..." said Jake as he looked over his shoulder.

Everybody turned around to see the vampires had caught up to them.

"Okay, here's what we do." said Dice. "Bum rush!"

The Cannonballers made a run for the vampires and forced their way through the undead horde.

Parfait danced around a pair of vamps and made her way towards the cars. Dice threw his shoulder into a vampire and shoved him into the crowd.

Max whipped out his shotgun and pointed it into another vampire's face. Jake ran through a gap between vampires and attacked a third.

"Back to the cars!" yelled Savo.

After managing to battle off a few more of the vampires, Priss, Max and Jake all returned to their vehicles. Team Midnight Club piled into the Ecureil and took off after them as they drove off.

* * *

As a few more Cannonballers had just exited Vienna, the Harbinger and Fleetline continued their race. Lana had now taken the wheel of the Harbinger and handled it very well.

"Did you learn those skills from your boyfriend or did you have 'em to begin with?" asked the Fleetline driver.

"I'll tell you if you tell us your name, mister." Lana mischievously winked.

"Thanks, but I prefer a bit of confidentiality." the Fleetline driver replied.

"What is this, 'The Driver' or something?" asked Trikz.

"The what?" asked Ty.

"You've never seen 'The Driver'?" asked Lana. "It's that movie with Ryan O'Neal as the wheelman."

"I guess not." replied Ty.

"But you like Tarantino movies?" asked Trikz, surprised. "Tarantino said it was one of the coolest movies ever made."

"Yeah, well I haven't found the time to check out all his influences." Ty protested.

"Come on, mi amigos!" cheered the Fleetline guy as he got a fraction of a lead. "Last one to Hungary buys lunch!"

"I hope you brought your credit card!" laughed Lana as she sped up.

Suddenly, there were two energy blasts that nearly knocked the Harbinger and Fleetline off the road.

"Surprise, do-gooders!" yelled Dr. Drakken as the Capital and Comrade roared up behind them.

Shego leaned out the passenger side window of the Capital and fired her energy blasts, along with a bit of gunfire from Mad Dog to help.

In the Comrade, Skeletor and Jafar fired magic blasts of their own from Skeletor's fingers and Jafar's snake staff.

"Now that I've been allowed to get in on the action, you fools will crumble before the might of my magic!" Jafar yelled as the Fleetline guy dodged and evaded as many of his blasts as possible.

"You guys go ahead!" Fleetline Guy yelled as he spotted an abandoned munitions factory on the right side of the road. "I'll deal with these guys!"

"Gotcha!" said Lana as the Harbinger sped on, pursued by the Capital.

The Fleetline drove through the open gate of the old factory, followed by the Comrade.

"Come and get me, assholes!" Fleetline Guy mumbled to himself.

Inside the factory, both vehicles drove down a long straightaway.

There wasn't much room on either side, so Skeletor and Jafar had to climb back inside the Comrade.

"Don't let him get away!" yelled Jafar to Oil Can Harry, who was driving.

"No problem!" laughed Harry as he pressed a switch and a couple of guns popped out of the grille on the Comrade's front.

"Stay on target." Captain Hook said as he and Harry took control of the firing switches and tried to get an opening to attack.

Fleetline Guy had managed to get a good lead on the Comrade by this stage and reached the exit to the straightaway.

As he did, he swerved his car around to block the Comrade's way.

He got out of the Fleetline with one hand held behind his back.

"What the drokk?" asked Mean Machine.

Fleetline Guy pulled his hand out from behind his back to reveal an M4 sub-machine gun.

"BLAST HIM!" yelled Jafar to Hook and Harry.

"It's okay. Our windows are bulletproof." sneered Skeletor.

Fleetline Guy opened fire with his M4 towards the Comrade's windshield. Although the glass wasn't penetrated, it still took damage from the bullets, causing it to crack and for the sight to get blocked.

"Damn it!" yelled Hook as Harry swerved to get under control.

A few more shots from Fleetline Guy caused the Comrade's hood to pop open and block Harry's view completely as it banged against the windshield.

"This is NOT good!" said Hook.

Suddenly, the Comrade pitched forward and fell into a car-lift's pit that they hadn't seen.

Fleetline Guy had seen it and managed to avoid it. He saw the Comrade trapped for now and laughed.

"And that was all she wrote." he laughed to himself as he returned to his Fleetline.

As the Comrade sat on its' front end in the pit, the villains snarled to themselves.

Just then, there was a crash.

Harry looked out the window.

"Of all the..." he began angrily.

The wheels had fallen off the Comrade again.

Back on the highway, the Harbinger was still being pursued by the Capital. Mad Dog and Shego kept up their fire as the two vehicles approached a four-way intersection.

"We've got you now, fools!" laughed Mojo.

Just as they got to the intersection, a tractor trailer drove across it.

Lana clenched her teeth and was able to slip under the truck's trailer.

"That's my girl!" Trikz cheered as the Harbinger continued on its way.

"Thanks for showing me how to do that." smirked Lana as Trikz leaned over and gave her a peck on the cheek.

The Capital had missed the clearing and nearly crashed into the rear wheel of the truck.

Shego had used her powers to prevent them from crashing and the Capital had come to a halt.

"Damn. That was TOO close!" said Mad Dog as he breathed a sigh of relief.

Then, there were two gunshots, each followed by a hiss of air.

Shego looked out her window and saw that both the Capital's rear tyres had been punctured.

There was a mocking honk of a horn as the Fleetline roared past them and after the Harbinger as the truck moved on.

In his free hand, Fleetline Guy was holding a Colt .45. He had shot out the Capital's tyres.

He gave Drakken's villains team a mock salute with his gun hand and drove on.

"Asshole!" Shego grumbled to herself.

"We DO have spares, don't we?" asked Drakken.

"I took them out to make room for the lunch basket." Mojo sheepishly admitted.

"I thought so." Drakken growled.

"Okay, let's find a garage then." sighed Mad Dog.

"I hope someone speaks Austrian." said Shego. "I don't think imitating Ahnuld's accent is gonna cut it."

* * *

Elsewhere in Vienna, Charlie pulled the Terrific into a garage.

"What are we doing here?" asked Lyle.

"I got into contact with Rob." said Charlie. "We thought it would be a good idea to get Stella somewhere safe while we kept with the race."

"Wait." said Stella. "What's that going to do to our deal with Mashkov?"

"Hopefully, he'll be reasonable for once." said Charlie.

"Here he comes." said Left Ear.

A red '68 Chevelle with a black stripe down the center of the hood and a black roof pulled up. A tough-looking bald man (who bore a striking resemblence to Frank Martin) climbed out.

"Rob, good to see you." said Charlie.

"Mashkov's girl spilled the beans." said Rob. "How much time do you have?"

"I don't know." said Charlie. "I hope it's enough. Are you up to this?"

"If these guys are as dangerous as you say," said Rob "I've got this one all set."

The CM Venga drove past, then turned around.

"Wait, that's them." said Clouseau.

"More Cannonballers." said Cato.

"Crap, they found us." said Charlie.

"Let's get somewhere else." said Rob. "We can make the exchange there."

"Nice car." said Lyle.

"Thanks." said Rob as he climbed into the driver's seat. "I call it the Speedshifter."

Clouseau turned towards the garage and almost ran into the Orange Crush. Both cars stopped.

"Excuse me!" yelled Clouseau.

"What are you doing?" yelled Virginia.

"I'm pursuing Cannonballers!" yelled Clouseau.

"Toretto." muttered Virginia. "I'm coming with you!"

"We can't get out that way." said Left Ear.

"Watch." said Charlie.

He hit the gas and drove towards an alley. This led straight to a shopping mall. The Terrific and Speedshifter drove into an open passageway and raced through the hall. The CM Venga and Orange Crush were right on their tail.

The Terrific made its way around a corner while a janitor washed the floor. The Speedshifter hit the same corner and spun out. Rob quickly got back into motion and kept going.

The CM Venga hit the same corner and slid into a store display. The janitor got up and stared. Clouseau got back into pursuit with the Orange Crush right behind him.

Charlie swerved close to a restaurant and Lyle grabbed a cheeseburger off of a waiter's tray. "I missed dinner." he said.

Charlie raced out of the mall and into the loading area. The Speedshifter, CM Venga, and Orange Crush followed him. They came upon a ramp next to a wall. Charlie raced up the ramp and jumped the Terrific fifteen feet.

The Speedshifter raced off the ramp behind him. Clouseau crashed through the wall and drifted to a halt. The Orange Crush went over the ramp and stayed with Charlie and Rob.

"I think we can keep going." said Clouseau.

The CM Venga fell apart.

"Maybe not." he said.

The Terrific tried to lose the Orange Crush by driving through a traffic jam. Suddenly, the Charger appeared before them.

"This is Charger!" he yelled into his radio. "I've spotted the girl! I'm going after her!"

Charlie drove onto the sidewalk to bypass the traffic jam and ended up driving into a U-Bahn station.

"I'm getting a sense of deja vu!" said Left Ear as the Terrific bounded down the stairs.

The Speedshifter, Orange Crush, and Charger followed them into the station. People jumped out of the way of the cars as they raced through the tunnel.

"Yeah, we've definitely done this before!" said Left Ear.

Charlie raced out of an exit tunnel and made his way towards a used car lot. The Terrific and Speedshifter drove into the lot and made their way through the maze of cars. They came upon a couple of empty spaces and backed into them.

The Orange Crush and Charger drove past without seeing them.

"Okay, it's now or never." said Charlie. He and Stella climbed out. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"We already agreed to this." said Stella as he moved over to the Speedshifter. "I'll talk to you when we've got the all-clear."

"Come on, let's go." said Rob.

"You take care of her, Rob." said Charlie.

"I'll remember she's yours, Charlie." said Rob.

* * *

The Cannonballers who had encountered the vampires regrouped.

"Okay, what is going on here?" asked Dice.

"I've seen this before." said Savo. "Vampires. I've had my dealings with them during the Cold War."

"Well, there goes the neighborhood." said Priss.

"You've had your dealings with vampires?" asked Max. "Can you give us a hand coming up with a defense against them?"

"I will try to help." said Savo. "We will need weapons that exploit the vampires' weaknesses. They are weak against holy symbols, garlic, silver, and fire. They can be detected by holding up a mirror and seeing if they have a reflection and they can infect others simply by feeding."

"Okay, we've got our list." said Parfait. "Let's get to work, mes amis."

The racers started to amass weapons.

"I had a thought." said Max. "Maybe we can use your powers against the vampires."

"Not likely." said Jake. "My powers are limited to ghosts. They wouldn't work too well with vampires."

Savo picked up Parfait's compact and looked into the mirror.

"Well, I just thought it was worth a try." said Max.

Savo used the mirror to inspect the two puncture wounds in his neck.

"We should probably call on someone more connected to vampires." said Jake.

Savo looked at the others concerned.

"How about that Buffy girl?" asked Max.

"Sounds like a good idea." said Jake.

"Something just dawned on me." said Dice. "What if someone gets bitten? How would we know they were turning?"

"If someone gets bitten," said Savo as he sat in the back seat of the Ecureil "they can expect the following symptoms. First, the victim starts to show signs of lethargy. After that comes fever and sensitivity to light. Shortly after that, the victim's skin starts to turn pale, they grow fangs, and they develop a thirst..." Just then, his fangs grew in. "...for blood."

Everyone else jumped back in shock. "You were bitten!" yelled Jake.

"I thought that maybe I was special." said Savo as he jumped to his feet.

"Special?" yelled Priss. "You're not special! I'M special!" She pulled down her collar to reveal a bite on her neck. "I was bitten ten minutes ago and I'm..." She stopped talking when she grew fangs.

"Okay, no one's special!" yelled Dice.

"Run!" yelled Max.

Max and Jake ran for the Black Knight. Dice and Parfait did an end run around Savo and dove into the Ecureil.

* * *

At a roadside restaurant somewhere near Austria's border with Hungary, Tanner and Jones had stopped off for a meal. It was a family restaurant so quite a few families who were on road trips had stopped to eat there.

Outside the restaurant, three of the RTR-X's handed out by Dracula had pulled to a halt.

"That looks like a Cannonballer to me." said the lead vamp as he noticed the Sorcerer in a parking space.

The second and third RTR moved in and blocked the Sorcerer's way, preventing it from getting out.

"You stay here as back-up." he said. "We'll offer these people our family discount."

The three vampires from the lead RTR laughed and got out of their car and headed towards the restaurant.

Jones had noticed them approaching.

"Tanner, unless there's a renaissance fair somewhere today you better get ready." he said warily as he pulled out his gun.

Tanner turned and saw the vamps as well.

"Shit." he grumbled to himself. He pulled out his gun and yelled to the crowd in various languages, all with the same message.

"(Everybody be calm! We're police officers and you're in great danger! Everybody take cover!)"

As the vamps kicked the door open, Tanner and Jones trained their sidearms on the vampires.

"Your little pea shooters ain't gonna help you, buddy!" one vamp sneered. "Lord Dracula is gonna take all of you down!"

Jones fired a few shots at the armoured vamps but the bullets failed to penetrate.

The head vamp smirked under his helmet and pulled out a sword.

The other two did so as well.

"It IS a damn renaissance fair." Jones grumbled.

Tanner quickly ran to the bar and pulled down a Winchester rifle that had been hanging above it. He turned to the bartender.

"(Is this gun real?)" he asked.

The bartender nodded.

"(You got shells for it?)" Tanner asked again.

The bartender nodded again and reached under the cash register for a box of shotgun shells.

As Jones' gun ran dry, he looked behind him and saw a battle axe hanging on the wall as a kind of decoration. "Screw it!" he said to himself as he threw his gun down and grabbed the axe.

While the three vamps were distracted, the other patrons ran for the exit in a panic.

As they came out, the other two RTR's fired up their engines and tried to herd the people back to the restaurant.

About a mile away, the Firestorm drove down the road. As Rory drove, the Doctor fixed a communications device.

At one point he accidentally intercepted someone's cellphone signal. It was someone from the restaurant calling for help.

"That did not sound good." said Amy. "Do you think we should interfere?"

"Of course we should!" said the Doctor. "Always do what you're good at. Rory, you know that red button I told you not to press?"

"Yes?" asked Rory.

"Press it!" said the Doctor. "And strap in tight."

"Okay." said Rory as he pressed the button.

The Firestorm suddenly rocketed to over 200 mph and sailed down the highway in a matter of seconds.

"Woo-hoo!" Amy whooped in surprise and joy.

As they came up to the restaurant, the Doctor pulled a lever and the Firestorm dropped back to normal speed as a parachute extended from its rear.

As Rory saw the two RTR's holding the crowd hostage, he looked at the control panel.

The Doctor pointed to two buttons in turn.

"Machine gun. Missiles." he explained. "I approve of their use this time as I can tell these guys in the Mustangs are vampires."

"REAL vampires? And not just those aliens we faced in Venice?" asked Rory.

"They're extinct now, remember?" said Amy.

"Yes. And the Time Lords had their dealings with real vampires in the past." said the Doctor grimly.

"Right." said Rory.

Inside the restaurant, Jones was more than holding his own against one vamp with the axe while Tanner blasted at the other two with the Winchester.

At one point, Tanner aimed for the lead vamp and took out the catch that connected his helmet to the rest of his armour.

Jones saw this and quickly dived in. With a powerful stroke, he took the head vamp's head off. This caused him to dissolve into a pile of ashes.

The other two saw this and looked stunned.

While they were disracted, Tanner fired both barrels of the Winchester at them and succeded in blowing them outside through a plate glass window.

As the two vamps got back up, they activated twin machine guns in each of the arms of their armour suits. The other two RTR's joined in with machine gun fire.

"Shit!" yelled Tanner as he and Jones ran for cover.

Suddenly, the Firestorm roared into the battle. With precise aim, Rory took out the machine guns on the two RTR's while the Doctor leaned out his window with his sonic screwdriver at the ready.

"Time you fellas loosened up a bit." he laughed as he fired a beam from the sonic screwdriver towards each of the standing vampires.

Their armour suddenly came loose at the seams and started to fall off.

"Holy..." one of the two vamps yelled as their armour fell completely off. They were now vulnerable to the sunlight. Within seconds, it started to burn both of them to ashes.

Seeing this, the other vamps in the RTR's performed bootleggers and drove off.

"Oh no you don't!" said Rory as he drove off after them.

Tanner and Jones ran out and returned to the Sorcerer and joined the chase.

The relieved patrons cheered as they saw the vamps on the run.

Tanner smirked as he drove down the road.

"And people think I'm useless outside the car!" he scoffed. "I think I handled that rather well."

"We would have been sunk if that weird British guy hadn't shown up, though." said Jones.

"Spoilsport." Tanner grumbled.

* * *

Professor Hikita had finished his computer search and addressed Team Colton, Memphis Raines' team and Jack Carter and Jo Lupo over the video link.

"Okay, that fake 'Cuda was registered to an Angelina Chitwood." he reported. "I've found out that she's a known street racer from the Arizona city of Palmont. She used to be the leader of a muscle car racing clique called the 21st Street Crew but a few years ago, she joined forces with another crew chief to form a group known as the Stacked Deck."

"Is there any info on those guys?" Memphis asked.

"I'm sending you the details now." Hikita remarked as he uploaded the criminal records of Darius, Kenji and Wolf to the respective cars' onboard computers.

"I think I saw these guys somewhere in England." said the Sphinx.

"Yeah. I seem to remember Brodie said something when we were talking in France about being pulled over by a bunch of American street racers in England. They apparently threatened Jay and Silent Bob." Jack Colton remarked.

"According to this, the one called Kenji was indeed arrested in Canterbury for street racing." Jo said. "The guy called Darius bailed him out."

"How did he pay for the bail?" asked Jack Carter.

"Way ahead of you." smirked Hikita. "He paid with his credit card and I got the details after a bit of hacking. I've now put a trace on it, so you can find him if and when he uses it."

"Great thinking, prof." said Ralph. "We can take care of one more threat to the Cannonballers."

"He last used it somewhere in Southern Spain." said Jo as she checked the readout. "And we've got all their current license plate numbers so that'll help. Great work, professor."

"Thank you, Jo." said Hikita. "By the way, I've made some progress in finding out who hacked GD's server for you."

"Do tell." said Jack Carter.

"Well, when I checked the files, I found this spam message in Fargo's email folder." said Hikita as he activated a link.

The image that appeared was a parody image of a magazine promo for Apple Mac, which showed a man in a black suit attacking a Mac computer with an axe. Coming from the man's mouth was a speech bubble which read 'I'm a PC...and you've been HACKED! LOSER!".

"My research has shown that this message has popped up in quite a few hacked servers and plundered databases recently." Hikita continued. "So it seems your hacker likes to leave a calling card. I've started to analyse the software used in the hack and it seems to be custom made. But I will find out who it is eventually. Considering whom we know to be opposed to the Cannonball this year, it shouldn't take long before we find a connection."

"Great, professor." said Jo. "You keep us updated, okay?"

"Sure thing." said Hikita as he signed out.

* * *

In Hungary, the two RTR's sped down the highway in a panic still being chased by the Firestorm and the Sorcerer. Night was starting to fall, but the vampires doubted they'd have an advantage for long.

In the leading RTR, the three vamps in it had removed their armour in frustration.

"Damned gimmicks! Ain't good for nothing!" the driver yelled.

"I think we've lost them!" said one of the passengers as he looked out the rear window.

"When they catch us they're gonna make us pay!" the driver yelled.

"You mean IF they catch us! Now drive the goddamn car!" the other passenger yelled.

"I'm driving the goddamn car!" the driver yelled as he went to go under an overpass. "Are you sure we've lost 'em?"

"Pretty sure." the first passenger nodded.

Suddenly, the Firestorm swerved across the road in the path of the RTR. In the front passenger seat, the Doctor had his window down and leaned out with the sonic screwdriver. He activated it and shorted out the custom Mustang's engine.

As it sparked, the driver lost control and the car flipped up and onto its roof.

Amy, driving the Firestorm, reversed and turned it around so it faced directly at the wrecked RTR.

As the vampires crawled from the wreckage, she smiled.

The vampires hissed and bared their fangs.

"You guys are too pale." Amy said. "I'll give you a tan!"

She activated the headlights on the Firestorm to their maximum brightness. The light was so strong, the vampires screamed in pain.

Within seconds, they had all smouldered away into piles of ash.

The Doctor looked happy, but also relieved. "Well, at least we know that adjustment works." he shrugged.

A little way back, the second RTR had taken a pounding from the Sorcerer's weapons.

The other group of vampires were panicking.

"I'll take 'em out!" one yelled as she pulled out a hand grenade.

Just then, the RTR hit a pothole, causing her to drop the grenade just as she pulled the pin.

Tanner slammed the Sorcerer's front bumper into the rear quarter panel of the RTR, spinning it out.

As the car went off a steep drop at the side of the road, it exploded in mid air.

As the car hit the bottom of the drop, the other group of vampires had been wiped out.

"Isn't that odd how it exploded BEFORE it hit the bottom?" asked Jones.

"Are you guys okay?" Amy's voice asked over the radio.

"Affirmative." Tanner reported. "That's that lot taken care of. Now, I think we should find and help out the Cannonballers who've been turned."

"Good idea." Jones nodded.

* * *

Gob had met up with Janice in the restaurant of the Pink Swan in Las Venturas.

"Hello, dearest." Gob smiled as he took Janice's gloved hand and kissed it.

"Gob. Good to see you." she smiled back as he led her to the table.

As they took their seats, a waiter gave them a pair of menus.

Janice looked at her's in shock.

"Good grief! How can they fit so many fattening dishes onto one menu." she exclaimed. "That mixed grill they're offering is practically a heart attack on a plate!"

"I'm sure you'll find something you like." Gob said reassuringly.

"Do you know how hard I had to work to keep the figure I have now?" Janice said indignantly.

"No, but tell me. It could be interesting." Gob lied.

"For years at high school, I got picked on for being slightly chubby." Janice said. "Shows how empty-headed those big-boobed skeletons on the cheerleading squad could be. Just because I didn't have borderline bulimia like them didn't mean I was like Kathy Najimy before she lost the weight. So to show those bitches, I dieted like crazy and kept to a strict fitness regime, WHICH I still adhere to. And I put on a whole load of muscle. Soon enough those bitches learned to rue the day they insulted me. Especially that stupid cow Lisa Barber. If her dad hadn't been on the PTA..."

As Janice ranted on, Gob leaned his head on his hand. "I've made a huge mistake." he muttered to himself as he continued to listen to Janice's speech.

* * *

Rob hid the Speedshifter in a shed somewhere in northern Italy.

"I think we lost them." said Stella.

"I hope we did." said Rob. "Those guys are starting to get on my nerves."

"Someone is getting on YOUR nerves?" asked Stella mockingly.

A police officer on a motorcycle pulled up. He climbed off and started to tell them something in Italian.

"This doesn't sound good." said Stella.

"He's saying that we're tresspassing here." said Rob.

Just then, Charger pulled up.

"Shit." muttered Rob. He promptly started the car, put it into gear, and tore out of the shed.

The police officer yelled at him as he raced past. Charger immediately got on his tail.

The officer ran to his motorcycle and picked up the radio microphone. He started to report on the situation when Stingray ran up behind him and covered his mouth with a chloroform soaked rag. He struggled to get out of her grip until he lost conciousness. Stingray picked up his helmet, put it on, and jumped onto the motorcycle.

The Speedshifter and Charger got onto the highway. Rob watched the Charger in his rearview as it raced up and rear-ended him.

"This guy just won't give up." said Stella.

"I've seen worse." said Rob.

Stingray raced up behind Charger on the motorcycle.

"And there's his partner." said Rob.

"Any ideas?" asked Stella.

"Watch." said Rob.

Charger raced up for another hit. Rob quickly turned the wheel and hit the brakes. The Speedshifter spun three-hundred and sixty degrees as the Charger and motorcycle passed it.

"Now, he's in our sights." said Rob.

Charger turned to Stingray and yelled "Plan B!"

Stingray nodded to him and raced off ahead. Charger concentrated on the Speedshifter.

Rob raced forward and rammed the Charger. Its namesake was thrown off balance, but managed to keep it together.

"Hit him again." said Stella.

Rob raced forward and rammed the Charger again.

"That's it." said Charger. "Stay behind me."

Rob rammed him again and jerked the wheel to get him to spin out.

"Keep it up." said Stella.

"This is the one that does it." said Rob.

As they rounded a curve, they came upon the motorcycle that Stingray had left in the middle of the highway while she stood off to the side. Charger saw it and smiled.

"Here we go." said Rob.

Charger swerved at the last second and let Rob race towards the motorcycle.

"Oh f-" yelled Rob.

The Speedshifter hit the motorcycle and flipped onto its roof. It ended up sliding quite some distance due to its speed.

"We got 'em!" cheered Charger.

"Are you alright?" asked Rob.

"Nothing too badly damaged." said Stella.

Stingray walked over to the overturned car and looked inside.

"No." muttered Stella.

* * *

The five remaining teams in the Puzzle Hunt sped through the streets of Genoa in Nothern Italy.

Pitt was more than a bit worried about the speed of the Peligro which was in front of the Panama.

"I know we want to win this puzzle hunt, but who put a firecracker up you guys' asses?" he asked over the radio.

"We haven't seen those guys with the weird masks in the Acura in ages!" snapped Giovanni in reply. "That can only mean they've got ahead of us! Which means that if we don't stop dragging our feet, THEY'LL BEAT US! You dumb cowboy!"

"Hey!" Pitt replied in a hurt tone.

The Thunder Rodd suddenly roared past both of them with flames coming out of its exhaust pipe. Taz was driving and babbling wildly.

"TAZ! You don't hold down nitrous! It's for quick boosts!" yelled Daffy in a panic.

Bugs quickly clamped a chloroform-soaked handkerchief over Taz' nose and mouth and let him fall unconscious. Daffy took the wheel as Taz fell backwards into his seat.

Within about three minutes, the five vehicles came to a stop outside the Aquarium of Genoa.

"This is the place." announced Ron as he checked Wikipedia once again on his cellphone. "Largest aquarium in Italy and the second largest in Europe."

"Does that thing's battery EVER run out?" asked Venom.

"It's helping, isn't it?" asked the Drake as they got out of the Utopia.

"It couldn't find Lake Anna in Barberton, could it?" grumbled Venom.

"Oh, can it, VERNON!" Ron taunted.

Venom grabbed Ron by the collar when Ron called him by his real name.

"Only certain people are allowed to call me that, and you ain't one of 'em! Watch it, pal!" Venom warned.

The challenge table was set up in front of the aquarium.

Gunn, the Drake, James, Marge, and Daffy all took seats for their teams this time as the officials placed their meals in front of them.

"For this leg of the puzzle hunt, a dish native to Genoa." the head official announced as the dome covers were removed.

The meal was a pasta dish cooked in pesto sauce.

"Ooooh, pesto!" James cheered excitedly. "I love Italian food.".

"Then let's dig in, pronto!" said Marge as the five Cannonballers placed their hands behind their backs to have them tied.

Ten minutes later...

As the chess clock rang, Daffy had finished the meal first.

"YAHOO!" he yelled. "WE GET THE CLUE! WE'RE WINNING! WE'RE AHEAD OF THE PACK!"

"Don't forget you have to share it with us." the Drake reminded him.

"Aw, nuts!" Daffy grumbled as his hands were untied and he took the clue from the official.

The other team members gathered around.

"Hey! Don't read over my shoulder! I'm going to tell you what it says!" Daffy snapped as he read the clue. "In Roman mythology, the goddess of wisdom, strength, strategy, and courage was known as Minerva. In another culture, she has a different name and has a city named after her. Find the ancient high city in this place and you will claim your grand prize."

"Mythology!" groaned Bart. "They never even tried to teach us that at school!"

"Well, maybe if you spent less time in detention, you'd learn a bit more." smirked Lisa.

"You guys are so uncultured it's unbelieveable!" said Giordino. "Don't you think it's a bit worrying that I know the answer?"

"You do?" Homer said in disbelief as Maggie also removed her pacifier in shock.

"I've picked up a few things on our various exploits." Giordino replied. "It's talking about the Greek goddess Athena."

"Which means it's talking about Athens in Greece." added Pitt.

"Which means the 'ancient high city' is the Acropolis in Athens." chipped in Gunn.

"Which means that's where the five mil for Europe is." said the Drake.

"Which means you're gonna EAT OUR DUST!" yelled Meowth as Team Rocket ran for the Peligro.

The other teams quickly rushed for their vehicles and fired them up.

Giovanni quickly turned on the Peligro's windshield monitor and called up Google Maps.

"Right! This route should work!" he said. "Now let's go!"

"Roger!" said Jessie as she put her foot to the floor.

* * *

KITT 3000 drove along a highway near Szekesfehervar, the regional centre of the Central Transdanubia region of Hungary.

Mike Traceur looked a bit frustrated as the Barbarian had gone on ahead of him to scout out the land, but KITT 3000 was currently stuck behind two slow-moving cement trucks driving one behind the other.

"It's a shame there's not enough room to Turbo Boost." he complained.

"I have an incoming message from Dr. Barstow." KITT 3000 remarked as the video image of Bonnie appeared on the windshield.

"Mike! You and your dad are in danger!" Bonnie said urgently. "KARR's telemetry finally showed up again. He's within three miles of your location."

Mike was alarmed...and then looked up ahead of himself. One of the cement trucks had now pulled over to the opposite lane and drove alongside the lead one. Both of them had started to pour quick-drying cement onto the road in front of KITT 3000.

Unable to stop in time, Mike drove into the small lake of cement and it dryed quickly around his tyres.

"Crud!" he yelled as he tried to pour on the speed to break free.

In the two cement trucks, two Afrrican men in military uniform smiled. They were members of PALM, the revolutionary group formed by Garthe Knight's associate Tsombe Kuna. Kuna had volunteered them to aid Garthe against the Cannoballers.

As KITT 3000 tried to get free, Goliath appeared in the road behind him. At the wheel was Kegaleisa. She laughed sadistically as she took aim with Goliath's missile launcher.

"I suggest, Michael, that this time we say 'to hell with the lack of space.'" said KITT 3000 as he activated his Turbo Booster to its' highest level. As the great speed boost took effect, the Mustang was able to crack and break free from the cement.

Using quick skills, Mike drove around the two cement trucks and roared up the road.

Kegaleisa grunted to herself as she drove Goliath off in pursuit of KITT 3000, followed by the two PALM mercenaries in the cement trucks.

About two miles up the road, the Barbarian was travelled at high speed.

Suddenly, with a squeal of tyres, KARR swerved out of an opposite line of traffic and got right on Michael's tail.

"I knew I detected him!" KITT said. "I just found it odd he was heading right towards us."

"Garthe hasn't changed then." said Michael as he sped up. "He still tries to get the drop on us!"

Garthe smiled in triumph as he, Yogostein, and Kitaneidas rode in KARR.

Garthe pressed a button on the steering wheel and a blue laser beam shot from the grille on KARR's front and hit the Barbarian.

The Barbarian's circuitry sparked quite a lot.

"That doesn't look good." Michael remarked.

"It isn't, Michael. My Molecular Bonded Shell has been disrupted!" KITT said. "We're now as vulnerable as an ordinary car."

"Surprised, dear 'brother'?" Garthe's mocking voice came over the comms. "A little something my new acquaintances came up with. Don't worry: it only lasts for two minutes."

"But two minutes is more than enough time to reduce both of you to scrap!" KARR sneered. "You have no chance of evading us for that long!"

To demonstrate his point, KARR boosted himself forward and rear-ended the Barbarian. It took a dent in the rear and nearly crashed into the back of another car on the highway.

Michael avoided the collision by the skin of his teeth.

"Don't count on your bastard son to help you either." Garthe laughed. "We took care of him. Now to put you out of my misery for good!"

Michael accelerated the Barbaian for all it was worth. KARR kept up with him as both of them wove through the dense traffic.

At one point, KARR nearly forced the Barbarian off the road by ramming its side.

KITT 3000 still dealt with the two cement trucks manned by the PALM soldiers. As one went to try and sideswipe him, Mike braked at the last minute and caused his cement truck to miss him. It went down the side of an incline near the road and rolled over.

The other cement truck got right on KITT 3000's tail and tried to ram him.

"Rotate your Turbo Booster, KITT." Mike ordered.

As KITT 3000 did so, Mike activated Turbo Boost. The unusual direction of the speed boost caused KITT 3000 to backflip completely over the cement truck and end up behind it.

As the PALM soldier looked above himself in shock, he went off the highway and crashed his truck into a tree.

"I hope that's the only time you'll ask me to do that, Michael." KITT 3000 warned.

Back up the road, the Barbarian tried to outdistance KARR.

Garthe and the two Pollution Ministers laughed as KARR kept up with KITT.

"(He wouldn't dare use Super Pursuit Mode in traffic as dense as this!)" Yogostein laughed.

"(He's evaded us for one minute, though, Garthe-san!)" Kitaneidas said. "(Finish him off before he gains his strength back!)"

Garthe smiled in a vicious way as he slammed twice into the Barbarian's rear quarter panel, trying to spin Michael out.

"Hold on, KITT! I've got an idea!" Michael said as he spotted a difficult turn coming up.

"I hate it when you say that." KITT groaned.

Michael pulled the handbrake. The Barbarian turned a 180 and now faced KARR head on.

Michael slipped the Barbarian's gear into reverse and drove backwards up the highway.

Garthe laughed arrogantly and came right at him, ramming into the Barbarian's front end and damaging it.

Michael continued driving backwards as a rear-view monitor showed what was behind them.

As their two minutes expired, KARR prepared to fire the disruptor beam again.

Just as he fired it, Michael activated KITT's deflector on the windshield, causing the beam to bounce back to KARR.

"Damn." KARR grunted.

Michael then looked at the rear-view monitor again and saw the turn almost on them.

He yanked the handbrake again and turned the Barbarian around to face the front again, just as Garthe prepared to t-bone him as he turned.

With amazing skill, Michael made the sharp turn at high speed and left KARR in his dust.

KARR, unable to turn in time, swerved and crashed his rear-end into a barrier closing off a dirt road into a quarry.

The impact dented his now-vulnerable side and lifted him off the road briefly.

As the injured Garthe and his Pollution Minister friends tried to recover, they heard the sound of police sirens.

"KARR? Can you still drive?" asked Garthe.

"Barely." KARR weakly replied.

"Then just get us out of here!" Garthe snapped.

KITT 3000 had now only Goliath to deal with.

Kegaleisa laughed as she fired missiles which Mike narrowly dodged.

Then, Yogostein's voice came over the radio.

"(Kegaleisa-chan! Adandon pursuit and come pick us up!)" he ordered. "(We need to make new plans...again!)"

Kegaleisa swore to herself and turned down a side-road that would let Goliath rendezvous with KARR.

"Good work, KITT!" Mike cheered.

"That could only be them out of action for Europe, Michael." KITT 3000 warned.

"We can still help out when the Cannonball reaches Africa." said Mike as he contacted the Barbarian.

"Are you two okay?" asked Michael as his image came onscreen.

"A bit shaken up, but okay." Mike smiled at his father.

"Glad to see I'm not rusty after all these years." Michael smiled. "And that you inherited a lot from me, son."

"Right. Now, let's make sure you get to Africa in one piece." KITT 3000 said as he sped up. "Garthe may be down but not out."

"I was afraid you'd say that." KITT groaned. "At least that big brute Goliath didn't score a victory."

"Thanks for the warning about Goliath, though. Bonnie said she may have an idea for dealing with it." Mike replied as he drove off to join his father.

* * *

Charlie, Lyle and Left Ear had arrived at the point where they had agreed to meet up with Stella and Rob.

"No sign of 'em." said Left Ear. "You think they haven't got here yet?"

"Are you forgetting who was driving the car?" asked Lyle.

Lyle's laptop beeped and he opened it up. A video image of Michael Bluth appeared on it.

"Hey, Napster." greeted Michael.

"The man knows! The man knows!" Lyle said happily.

"Yeah, I thought I'd start the message on a happy note, because you guys have got trouble." Michael added.

"Stella?" asked Charlie as he came over.

"Yeah. I got another message from those weirdoes with the muscle cars." Michael said. "The usual. Showing her tied up but with some bald guy who looks a lot like Frank with her this time. They're trying to use them both as leverage. Again. Or at least as far as Stella is concerned."

"Yeah, well WE'RE the ones who have the real problem." Left Ear said grimly. "Now that's two of our friends they've got."

"Did they say where they were?" asked Charlie.

"They only said some heavily-fortified place in Italy. And they're giving us two hours to respond or else."

"Which means WE can't help because we're in the middle of the Balkans right now." Buster said as he leaned into view on the monitor. "We're really sorry about this. But we DID contact two teams of Cannonballers who can help."

"They should be there..."

The Bisonte and the Falcon suddenly drove up and parked near the Terrific.

"...any minute now." Michael finished.

"Thank you very much, kind sir." Charlie smiled as he saw Brodie wearing the Chaos mask as he climbed out of the Falcon. His jaw dropped when he saw Jay and Silent Bob were wearing their Bluntman and Chronic costumes as well.

"We're here to deal with all the low-life shit-suckin' sacks of elephant piss in the world! SNOOTCHIE BOOTCHIES!" Jay yelled triumphantly.

Brodie looked at them with good humour. "Thank you, good citizens. Your help is appreciated."

"Are you kidding?" asked Darius as he got out of the Bisonte. "Do you guys even have weapons?"

"Check it out!" said Jay as he pulled out a sword hilt. He activated it and a lightsaber-like beam emerged from the hilt except the 'blade' was shaped like a joint.

"What in the hell is that?" asked Left Ear in shock.

"It's a bongsaber." said Lyle. "They were used in that movie based on these guys."

"George Lucas is gonna sue somebody." grumbled Frank. "But seriouly, can we get our arses in gear and help your friend and my second cousin out, Charlie?"

"Will do. Napster, start a search and see if those muscle cars have been seen anywhere in Italy in the last 24 hours." Charlie ordered.

"On it." said Lyle as he climbed into the Terrific with his laptop still active.

"We can also check our system for any large installations within two hours' driving distance of here." Frank added as he activated the Bisonte's monitor screen.

"I've got a batch of stuff from Shavers we can use." said Darius as he took out guns and handed them out. He then opened the box with the bullets in them. They were specialized tranquiliser darts.

Effective as the tranq you shoot an elephant with." Darius explained. "Also stings like a bitch."

"Great." said Left Ear as he took one. "Not too loud, are they? I'd hate to lose my hearing completely."

"Ever hear of silencers?" asked Darius as he handed out some gun suppressors as well.

"Hopefully, they'll not be needed, though." said Charlie. "Now, let's get going."

* * *

The Rumor sped along the Costa Blanca in the Valencia region of Spain. Dom and his team enjoyed the beautiful scenery as they kept up high speed.

"Reminds me a bit of when I drove my Chevelle down the Baja Peninsula." Dom said contentedly. "I understand this region's popular with English tourists."

"Hell, I think ANY tourist would love this place." said Vince. "Can we stop so I can get Nico a souvenir?"

"What do you get a three-year old kid in a Spanish tourist trap?" asked Brian.

"I'm sure I could think of something." said Vince haughtily.

Just then, there was a roar of an engine as a silver Nissan 350Z suddenly cut out from behind and got alongside them.

The Z-car had Nismo suspension, sway bars, and an Extreme Dimensions body kit. Dom could tell from the sound of the engine that there were tuned cams and headers under the hood as well.

"Looks like a challenge." said Brian as he looked over at the Nissan.

Sitting behind the wheel of the Z-car was a bald-headed, clean-shaven African-American man with a mischievous grin on his face. He showed Dom's team his middle finger and then wagged it around a bit.

"Shit. It's Rome." sighed Brian, as he recognised his childhood friend Roman Pearce. Dom smiled as well as he remembered Roman's help on a past job.

In the Nissan with 'Rome' were a Hispanic man wearing an orange vest top and orange and green striped doo rag and another African-American man with a beard and moustache and a small Afro hairdo.

Brian recognised them respectively as Orange Julius and Slap Jack, two street racer friends of his from his time in Miami.

O.J. signalled for the Rumor to pull over.

"Why am I doing this?" sighed Dom as he pulled over.

"To remind the tough guy there who's numero uno in our crew, of course." said Vince with a big grin.

The Rumor and the Nissan came to a stop in a lay-by.

Rome, O.J. and Slap Jack smirked as they approached Team Furious.

"'EY, YOU GUYS!" greeted Rome. "Glad we caught up with ya! How's the Cannonball goin'?"

"Pretty good so far." said Brian. "So what brings you guys here?"

"I wanted to visit some of my familia." said O.J. "Also, your eses Rico and Tago told us there was some great action in Europe as far as racing goes."

"Hell, we're not just going to Europe. We've got Asia and Australia on our travel list as well." said Slap Jack.

"I just had the Zenith here modded out after blowing away some guy in a Z31 in Madrid." said Roman, gesturing to the Nissan.

"Right. It's a Z-car so you pick a name starting with 'Z'. Very clever." smirked Dom.

"Surprised you know a word like 'zenith'." Brian joked.

"We named her that 'cause she's at the peak of her performance after we got through with it at the performnce shop." smirked Slap Jack.

"So, you pulled us over just to say 'hi'?" asked Vince.

"Hell no! We want to see if we can beat you guys!" smirked Rome.

"Did you ever wear a helmet when you were riding a bike, Rome?" Dom asked jokingly.

"'ey! You had YOUR chance to beat Dom, crazy-ass white boy! I wanna see if a brother can do better!" Rome replied.

"You're SURE that's what you want?" asked Dom as he raised an eyebrow.

"Bet your ass, cabron." O.J. said.

"The AP-7 Highway along the coast should do for a quarter-mile drag." said Slap Jack. "No money or pinks this time, though. Just the respect."

"You better be sure, pal." said Vince. "Like our pal Jesse would say, you don't climb in the ring with Ali just 'cause you think you can box."

"It's okay. We'll do it." said Dom as he folded his arms. "I could use a break from the monotony. Plus, no-one's allowed out of Europe until that vampire shit's dealt with. We can afford to kill some time."

"You're in over your head, Rome." Brian smirked as all six street racers went to head for the starting line.

* * *

In Rome, a couple of the RTR's approached the Vatican City. The vampires in the cars had removed their armour and applied a white lotion to their skins.

"You sure this'll work?" one asked. "I mean it was Deacon Frost who thought of it. He wasn't even goddamn pureblood."

"It'll work long enough for us to get through with our business here." another spoke up. "Should work better than that overrated armour did for our brothers and sisters back in Austria."

"Yeah, well do you wanna be the one to admit to Lord Dracula that we disobeyed orders?" the first vamp said.

"Enough!" the driver of the first RTR snapped. "We are carrying out his orders by coming here. When we're through with God's representative and the order he stands for, Lord Dracula will make us heroes! And with an organised religion in our group, nobody is safe!"

The vampires all laughed and hissed hungrily as they made their final approach to the Sistine Chapel.

* * *

The Rumor and the Zenith raced side-by-side down a stretch of the AP-7 Highway. At a spray-painted finish line a short distance away, Brian and Vince cheered for Dom to win. O.J. and Slap Jack did likewise for Roman.

Dom held onto the lead for most of the race. As they came to the final stage, Rome activated his shot of NOS and got ahead.

"YEAH! COME ON, MAN! GO!" yelled O.J.

"Buster." Dom smirked to himself as he went to activate the Rumor's NOS shot.

When he pressed the button, there was a pathetic little hiss and nothing happened.

"What the...?" he said in shock. He then looked up to see that Rome was about to win the race.

"Nononononnono!" Vince yelled in shock.

Dom tried to catch up, but sure enough, the Zenith crossed the finish line first.

Dom braked and hit the steering wheel in frustration.

As Rome got out of the Zenith, O.J. and Slap Jack high-fived him.

"That was some good driving, ese!" O.J. smirked.

Brian went over to the Rumor and looked stunned. Vince joined him.

"What the hell, Dom? Did you LET him win?" asked Brian.

Dom gave him a withering look.

"Vince, come here." Dom said in a serious tone.

Vince came over to the window. When he got there, Dom slapped him on the top of the head.

"You ass clown! I told you to make sure the NOS was always fully stocked!" Dom yelled. "We ran out! And now look what's happened!"

"But, Dom..." Vince began.

"DON'T 'BUT, DOM' ME!" Dom yelled. "It was your goddamn responsibility to check the NOS and keep it filled up! I give you ONE friggin' job to do and you can't even do that!"

Brian looked at Vince partly angry but partly with satisfaction. "Who's the buster now?" he said.

Rome and his crew went to get back in the Zenith.

"Better luck next time, homeboys!" Rome said in triumph.

Dom glared at Vince. "You'd better hope that we get a rematch. Now get your ass in the back! Brian, you're up front with me. I know I can count on you."

"This is bullshit, bro!" Vince yelled.

"Talk to the hand!" Dom said as he held his palm up in front of Vince's face.

* * *

The Red Fury came to a stop in the Vatican, and the Red Rangers climbed out.

"Have you heard that some of the Cannonballers were turned into vampires?" asked Mack.

"I heard, but vampires don't exist, right?" said Casey.

"They do actually exist." said Nick. "In fact the Pink Ranger of my team was one of them. We had to break the curse to change her back. Her sire was cured as well and is now living back in Briarwood."

They then heard several screams in Italian. They didn't know what was being said, but they knew it was a cry for help can coming from the Sistine Chapel. They made their way inside and found the Swiss Guard fighting several vampires.

"Hey! What are you freaks doing!" Nick asked the vampires.

"Isn't it obvious, mortal?" said the lead vampire. "We've been waiting for this day for a long time. With His Holiness on our side, we can finally get more food and more converts from the Catholic Church. All on orders from Lord Dracula."

"Not if we can help it!" Casey said. "It's morphin' time guys!"

Race Central watched via their spy satellite.

"The Power Rangers are once again showing that no evil will stand in their way!" said Misty.

"I've got a good song to perform for them." Jezz said.

"Should we be doing it, though?" asked Willy.

"Hey, if Megadeth could do a version of it, so can we." said Percy.

"Megadeth would do a song for practically ANY movie soundtrack in the 90's." grumbled Dick.

"Come on! Let's go!" yelled Jezz.

Love Fist then took the stage and started playing, just as the Rangers pulled out their morphers.

"Magical Source! Mystic Force!"

"GALWIT MYSTO RANGER!"

"Jungle Beast! Spirit Unleashed!"

"Overdrive! Accelerate!"

With the Rangers morphed, they ran into battle.

**They've got a power and a force,**  
**that you've never seen before.**  
**They've got the ability to morph,**  
**and to even up the score.**

Casey struck down a couple of vampires with his fingers, using them as claws. Then he fired off his animal spirit in a projectile. The spirit of a red tiger rushed at the two and turned them into ash upon impact.

**No one can ever take them down.**  
**The power lies on their side.**

Nick used his mystic wand to literally burn up the three vampires he was facing, when two more charged at him. He then turned his wand into its sword mode and struck them down. They didn't immediately burn into ash, and Nick realized something.

**Go, go, Power Rangers.**  
**Go, go, Power Rangers.**  
**Go, go, Power Rangers.**  
**You Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers.**

"Hey guys! These vampires are wearing sunblock! We can't burn them in the sunlight coming in through the windows!"

"Yeah but we can use other methods to take them down!" Casey replied as he used his tiger spirit to destroy two more vampires.

**They know the fate of the world,**  
**is lying in their hands.**  
**They know to only use,**  
**their weapons for defense.**

Mack brought down two vampires with his Drive Lance, then clocked another in the face with his fist and wiped some of the sunblock on his glove. When said vampire fell into the sunlight, it immediately burst into flames.

**No one will ever take them down.**  
**The power lies on their side.**

Getting an idea, Nick used his wand to summon red towels for all three Power Rangers, who tackled and wiped off all sunblock off of the vampires' exposed skin.

**Go, go, Power Rangers.**  
**Go, go, Power Rangers.**  
**Go, go, Power Rangers.**  
**You Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers.**

They pushed them into the sunlight and killed them instantly.

No one will ever take them down.  
The power lies on their side.

**Go, go, Power Rangers.**  
**Go, go, Power Rangers.**  
**Go, go, Power Rangers.**  
**You Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers.**

**Go, go, Power Rangers.**  
**Go, go, Power Rangers.**  
**Go, go, Power Rangers.**  
**Go, go, Power Rangers.**  
**Go, go, Power Rangers.**  
**Go, go, Power Rangers.**  
**Go, go, Power Rangers.**

-"Go, Go, Power Rangers" by Ron Wasserman.

The three Red Rangers gave a victory pose as Love Fist finished the song.

"(Thank you Power Rangers.)" Pope Benedict said in Latin.

"No problem, your holiness." Mack said.

"You knew he said 'thank you'?" Nick asked.

"Of course. I was programmed with just about every language on Earth. Helps on expeditions you know."

* * *

In Southern Spain, Lidell had just exited a roadside restroom when he saw the Maria Serpente, Cowboy, and Squalo all rushing past.

"I don't like the look of that." he said to himself.

Then, with a huge engine roar, the silver Super 8 Hemi that had spied on the Killer Cars back in San Andreas drove past as well.

"And I REALLY don't like the look of that!" he said. "Sorry, Darius, but you're own your own."

He ran over to the metallic black '69 Chevrolet Corvair Monza he'd been issued and drove off in the opposite direction.

"At least I won't have to listen to those fools' jibes about my wheels any more." he remarked.

In the Maria Serpente, Jack Carter checked his scanner.

"It's confirmed. The Stacked Deck are at a garage up ahead. Darius just used his credit card to buy gas." he reported.

"If it's okay with you, I want to deal with the bitch who ran us off the road." Sway growled.

"Yes, ma'am." Memphis said in a deferring tone.

The Super 8 suddenly overtook all of them.

"What the hell?" asked Jack Colton.

The large concept car quickly outdistanced them.

At the garage, Angie, Wolf and Kenji all waited as Darius walked away from the gas pumps.

"Okay. We need to think up a new strategy." Wolf remarked.

"It better involve me getting a set of wheels I WOULD like to be seen in!" Angie snapped, angry that she'd had to ride in the Civic.

"At least tuners drift better than muscle cars." Kenji defended. "I thought that permanent scratch you got on your Charger would have told you that!"

"HEY! Enough okay!" Wolf said.

"Exactly." said Darius. "If we fight among ourselves we'll be caught off guard by these Cannonball assholes!"

Suddenly, a loud crash came from around the side of the garage.

They looked around the corner to where Kenji had parked the Civic.

The mysterious Super 8 had t-boned the tuner into the wall of the garage. It had completely wrecked the engine bay.

"Like that." Darius deadpanned.

The four racers pulled out their guns. Before they could open fire, the windows of the Super 8 were rolled down and the Stacked Deck immediately came under fire from machine guns.

"CRAP!" yelled Wolf as they dove for cover.

As Angie ran towards the garage store, she found her way blocked by Sway. The Cannonballers had shown up.

"Out of my way, blondie! Or I'll put a bullet through your face!" Angie yelled as she held up her gun.

"Make me, dearheart." Sway cockily said.

Angie went to pistol whip Sway with the gun. Sway dodged and delivered a strong punch to Angie's gut. She then twisted Angie's arm and made her drop her gun.

As this slugout continued, Jack Colton, Ralph, Memphis and Sphinx stood by cheering Sway on.

Joan had decided to join Sway in getting revenge on Angie.

"Watch it, lady!" Ralph sarcastically yelled to Angie. "These girls pull hair!"

"Should we break it up?" asked the Sphinx.

"Hell no! I'm enjoying this." said Memphis.

Jack Colton filmed what was happening on his iPhone.

"I could put this up on youtube, but I don't want to be skinned alive!" he joked.

As this had been going on, the three men of the Stacked Deck had run for Darius' Audi, firing a few unsuccessful gunshots and got in.

Darius fired up the engine and the three men of the Stacked Deck sped off.

The Maria Serpente had shown up.

"Oh no, you don't!" said Carter as he took off down the road after the Audi.

Within less than a minute, Carter and Jo got the Audi in their sights and Carter closed in for the capture.

Looking in his rear-view mirror, Darius cursed at seeing their pursuers. He kept his foot down but had difficulty gaining ground.

"Why aren't we losing 'em?" yelled Wolf.

"Because I've got you two geniuses in the car, that's why!" Darius snapped. "You're weighing us down!"

"Hey, don't pass the buck to us 'cause you didn't upgrade this ride when you had the chance!" Kenji yelled back.

The Maria Serpente had now pulled up alongside the Audi and tried to force it off the road.

"Come on, jerkoff! Come on!" Darius smugly yelled as he pushed the Audi for all it was worth, gaining a lead by about fifty yards.

As this happened, Jo activated the Jump Jet and the Serpente soared over the top of the Audi and turned to block the road.

With lightning-fast reflexes, Darius swung a 180 and drove the opposite way at high speed.

"YEAH!" yelled Wolf.

"Suck our dorks, porkrinds!" Kenji yelled as he gave the finger.

Carter grunted and turned the Serpente around. Within a few seconds, he and Jo were back on Darius' tail.

"Shit! Not again!" groaned Wolf as he saw the Serpente chasing them again.

"Shut up!" Darius yelled at him.

As both vehicles sped down the road, a truck was approaching fast from the other direction on the narrowing road.

The Serpente and the Audi again tried to force each other off the road.

"Eat this, losers!" yelled Kenji as he leaned out his window with a baseball bat and swung at the Serpente a couple of times.

"Easy, Carter!" Jo cautioned as she saw that the Maria Serpente drove on the side of the road overlooking a steep drop.

Carter had focused so much on trying to make Darius stop that he didn't notice the oncoming truck until the last minute.

"CRUD!" he yelled.

Just before the truck was upon them, Darius hit his nitrous shot, performed a masterful turn and got ahead.

The Audi moved around the truck and overtook with no problem.

He, Kenji, and Wolf laughed as the Serpente came to a screeching halt just short of hitting the truck head-on.

The Serpente had spun out and Carter pounded the dashboard.

"Dammit!" he yelled.

The truck had stopped too and the driver angrily honked his air-horn at the Eureka residents and yelled in Spanish.

Meanwhile, Darius steered the Audi up a dirt road leading to a mountaintop.

Just as he reached the top, the V8 Ghost suddenly pulled out from a side road and pushed the Audi to the edge of the cliff.

Darius had slammed on the brakes as soon as he saw the white Lotus.

Mr. Incredible had parked right up against his driver side door.

Darius tried to open it and confront the superhero family, but with a blur of movement, Dash ran out of the V8 Ghost and clamped a club on the Audi's steering wheel and a boot on the front wheel.

Moving equally fast, he snatched away Darius, Kenji and Wolf's guns and handcuffed Darius to the steering wheel and Kenji and Wolf to their respective armrests on their doors.

As Dash left the Audi, Mr. Incredible nonchanlantly drove forward a bit and forced the Audi's door closed.

"It wouldn't be wise to try anything heroic." Elasti-Girl smiled.

With his free hand, Mr. Incredible picked up a CB.

"The Incredibles here, Sheriff Carter." he reported. "The other three nasties are in our custody. They ain't going nowhere."

Back at the garage, Joan and Sway had finished kicking the tar out of Angie. Angie now lay across the hood of the Super 8 with her hands cuffed behind her back.

The Cannonballers thanked the occupants of the Super 8.

"So, you guys were the 'John Doe' who warned us back at the start?" asked Jack Colton.

"That's right." said Keith Martin, the first blond caucasian man with the red jacket. "And we're colleagues of Richard Miller as well."

"When we heard he was called in by Mr. X, we decided to chip in as well." said Robert Baxter, an African-American man with a blue jacket.

"No point in the 'One Man Army' hogging all the fun." said Claude McGarren, the man in the SWAT team battle gear.

The Maria Serpente had returned.

Jack Carter and Jo looked in confusion at the new arrivals.

The other blond caucasian an in the grey and blue jacket, Wesley Lambert, held out a VSSE I.D. card.

"It's okay. We're here to help." he said.

"Did those other guys get away?" asked Alan Dunaway, the dark-haired main in the red and grey jacket.

"Not at all." Jo smiled. "The Incredibles cornered them. We let the local policia know about it."

"I hope Richard will appreciate you guys giving him and us a bit of help in the field." said the Sphinx. "We certainly do."

"We do our best." Claude said. "And so does the Reckoning."

"That beast there?" asked Jack Colton, nodding to the Super 8.

"Yep." said Alan.

"What is it with our protectors and REM albums?" mused Memphis.

"Don't worry about the Stacked Deck." said Carter. "It's a complete 'do not pass go' situation for them now."

"Thanks, fellas." said Sway as she and Joan mopped their brows.

"This PMS is murder." Joan joked.

"Tell me about it." laughed Sway. "And I've never even been married."

* * *

"We've managed to track those villains' muscle cars to somewhere outside Naples." said Frank over the radio. "You can find our location if you use the GPS system in the Bisonte."

"Working on it." said Lyle as he worked on his computer.

"So, let me get this straight." said Brodie. "These guys mistook your girl for the former girlfriend of another racer and are trying to use her to blackmail him?"

"That's correct." said Charlie.

"How long do you figure before they realize their mistake?" asked Jay.

"If they haven't by now, they might never." said Left Ear.

"Okay, I've got their location." said Lyle. "It's a military complex outside of Naples. It was designed for the planning of secret operations and prisoner interrogation. It is to be put into operation next month. Oh, this is a problem. The complex is equipped with a gas dispersal system containing a powerful knockout gas. After it is released, it takes thirty minutes to break down and become safe."

"That's long enough to lose positions." said Brodie. "We should probably try to hold our breath as we escape."

"If you inhale the gas, it will render you unconcious for three hours." said Lyle.

"Just thirty minutes, you say?" asked Brodie.

Silent Bob turned to Jay. "If you get gassed, I'm not hauling your fat ass out of there." said Jay.

* * *

At a rest stop near the forest where they had been bitten in Austria, Priss and Savo stood overlooking the view of the woods from above by moonlight. The Streetfighter was parked nearby and a wolf's howling could be heard in the distance.

"Please resist the urge to make any remarks about the children of the night." Priss playfully warned Savo. "I don't know about you, but I feel invincible! Like this, I can handle any cop who tries to cite me for speeding! Just a little nip, and no more problem!"

"Exactly." Savo said. "This whole world could be ours if we throw in our lot with Dracula."

"You like the idea of joining up with him?" Priss raised her eyebrow.

"Why not? I feel invincible too. The whole Russian army couldn't stop me! Check this out!" Savo yelled as he jumped high up into the air and turned into a bat.

"Can you hear me?" his voice said in Priss' head.

"Cool." Priss smirked.

"I think the opportunity is approaching for you to show what you can do." Savo said telepathically as he saw a convoy of Cobra Python cycles approaching, followed by the Thunder Machine.

It was the Dreadnoks, following the homing beacon Storm Shadow had earlier attached to the Streetfighter.

"That looks like the nice bit of fluff ol' Chromedome said caused him some trouble." smirked Ripper as they pulled to a halt.

"She looks like a bit o' fluff that bites, mate." said Gnawgahyde.

"Wuss." sneered Torch.

The Dreadnoks dismounted their bikes and approached Priss from behind. She had turned away from them.

Buzzer held out his chainsaw and motioned for the other 'noks to hold back for now.

Buzzer held out his chainsaw and said "Guess who's here?"

Priss turned to him and bared her fangs.

"Or don't!" said Buzzer, terrified. Then he ran.

"Where the bloody 'ell are you goin?" Yelled Torch.

"She's the bleedin' undead!" Buzzer yelled as he pointed.

Priss had now fully bared her fangs and hissed wildly.

In the Thunder Machine, Thrasher powered up the miniguns and opened fire.

The bullets ripped into Priss but she still stood tall and little to no damage was done.

As the 'noks looked shocked, Priss inhaled and then exhaled. This expelled the bullets from her body and her wounds instantly healed.

"Now you've made me mad!" she laughed. "I may be bulletproof but I don't like getting shot.

Roadpig let out a loud roar and ran in with his cinder block hammer. He swung it right at Priss, but she effortlessly sidestepped and Roadpig slammed his hammer into the ground, breaking the cinder block. He looked stunned.

"You broke Roadpig's hammer!" he said. "That's not good! Donald won't be happy!"

Priss slammed her fist into Roadpig's mid-section and knocked the wind clean out of him. She then lifted him high up despite his huge bulk and threw him up against the Thunder Machine. The impact was so hard that the armour covering the Thunder Machine's windshield got heavily dented and nearly ripped the top off the cockpit.

"Come on, ya bloody morons! Kick 'er arse!" Zarana yelled from her cycle.

"YOU can try if ya want!" said Monkeywrench as he, Buzzer, Ripper and Torch rode off. "No reward is worth getting our arses 'anded to us by Lily Munster there!"

Zarana and Zandar got ready to attack Priss, but were then both surrounded by a flock of bats. As they tried to keep the bats away from them, Savo suddenly materialised in the haze and beat Zandar into submission.

Savo hissed and turned to Zarana.

"Leave her! She's mine!" smirked Priss nastily. "I'd like to see if I can do a better job of beating her down than Lady Jaye did back on Cobra Island."

There was suddenly an engine roar and a loud horn blast. When Priss and Savo turned around to see what it was, they were suddenly blinded by a bright light. They both roared in pain at the intensity of it. It was UV light, being directed from two lamps on the Trio Incarnate.

"That's a low enough setting to incapacitate but not kill them, boss." said Rawhide at the driving wheel.

"Fire the nets then." ordered Buckaroo.

Two metallic mesh nets shot out and sealed themselves around Priss and Savo.

Zarana decided on discretion and mounted her cycle to ride off.

Thrasher had pulled both Zandar and Roadpig back into the Thunder Machine and fled after her.

Rawhide had now doused the lights while Reno and Perfect Tommy took Priss and Savo inside the Trio Incarnate.

"We apologise for this, guys. But to use a cliche, you'll thank us later." Reno remarked.

"At least that alloy the nets are made of is strong enough to hold them." Simms remarked.

"Yeah. Found out about it in a little correspondence I had with the Doctor a while back." Buckaroo smirked.

"Doctor what?" asked New Jersey.

"Not 'what'. 'Who'." Buckaroo mischeviously smiled.

"Will I EVER get enough carte blanche at the Institute to know all that goes on?" Jersey groaned.

The Megere had pulled up just as the Dreadnoks had departed.

"What was their hurry?" asked Elizabeth. "They could have an accident and end up like me."

Buckaroo noticed the Megere.

"Hey, Dave, Darryl. Any word on Drac's castle?" he asked.

"Yeah, we scouted out a few locations and found the right place." said Darryl. "No doubt that the place is bloodsucker central. I was hit by one of the biggest dark auras I ever felt! Nearly made me puke my guts up."

"We've sent the details to the other teams heading there." David confirmed. "I just uploaded them to your GPS there, Dr. Banzai."

"Right. I think there's enough of us to handle the threat. You guys just continue with the race. You've been a great help." Simms saluted.

"Tear those things a new one for us!" Smirked David.

* * *

In the Italian military complex...

"Okay, here's the plan." said Darius. "While Bob disarms the gas dispersal system, Lyle hacks into the complex's computer system and does pretty much whatever we ask."

"And Charlie and Darius rescue Stella." said Lyle. "Meanwhile, the rest of us stay behind as backup."

"Exactly." said Frank.

"So do I get to whup some little bitch's ass?" asked Jay as he waved his bongsaber around.

"Wait and see." said Darius as he and Charlie raised their tranq guns and crept through the main entrance.

Charlie quickly ducked behind a corner when he saw a security camera.

Silent Bob reached into his Bluntman costume and pulled out what looked like a laser gun.

He fired it at the camera and shorted it out.

"A real damn laser gun?" Darius whispered in disbelief.

"Okay, guys." Frank's voice came over their earpieces. "The gas dispersal control room is about 200 feet down the left side of the corridor on the east side of the detention block. The cells are on the west side about fifty feet from it. But be very stealthy. It won't take the kidnappers long to figure out something's up."

"Roger." Charlie whispered.

Silent Bob looked up and saw a vent cover on the ceiling. He pulled out another gun device and shot a miniature grappling hook, taking the cover off. Once the passage was open, he retracted the zipline and then fired the hook again and attached the other end to his belt so it could lift him up to the vent.

"I'll be darned. Captain Chaos, you've got yourself some competition." Charlie said.

"I heard that, good citizen." Brodie replied over the earpiece. "Bluntman is a fellow crimefighter like me and I see no need to compete with him."

"Okay, Lyle, we're on our way." said Darius as they headed for the stairs.

As they went, Silent Bob started to crawl through the ducting. Not an easy feat considering his girth.

Lyle got on his laptop.

"Okay, here we go. Shutting down the cameras so those morons won't see what's happening." he said as he clicked a button on the keyboard.

In a common room, Stingray, Charger and AMX sat playing Texas Hold 'Em in a security room when the cameras suddenly shut down.

"Huh? How did that happen?" asked Charger.

"No need to panic. With this place still under construction, there's bound to be glitches in the system." AMX said.

"I'm ready. Just in case." said Stingray as she reached for her waist and took the safety off her gun.

Back on the ground floor, Jay got restless.

"Goddamn it! When are we gonna see some action?" he yelled. "I didn't get dressed up like this to look good!"

"That's okay. You don't look good." joked Left Ear.

"Citizen Lyle, how goes the system hack?" asked Brodie.

"I'm into the security system now. Just looking for the disable locks command."

"Hey, can I do it?" asked Jay. "I'm good with that shit!"

Lyle looked at Jay down his nose.

"From what I heard, you didn't even know what the Internet was until ten years ago." Lyle said.

"So, I didn't know the right way to drive before that but I picked up on it." Jay beamed.

"How about a compromise, friends." said Brodie. "Citizen Lyle, if you talk Citizen Jay through the process of releasing Stella and Rob from their prison, then you can both have been of help."

"Yeah, come on, ya dorky little asshat!" Jay yelled in anger.

"SHHHHH!" Left Ear whispered.

"Alright, but you'd better know what you're doing." said Lyle as he let Jay take over the keyboard.

"Okay, so, what do I do?" asked Jay.

"The screen is on security systems map, okay? Scroll through the 'Commands' menu." instructed Lyle.

Jay followed his instructions. Jay beamed.

"B-I-N-G-O, and Bingo was his name-o!" he whispered. "I see the open security doors command."

"Yeah, well there should be a list of locations for it." Lyl said.

"Yeah, there is." said Jay as he looked at the sub-menu. "Rear doors, front gate, research facility. All that shit."

"Is 'Prison Cells' there?" asked Left Ear.

"I'm trying to find it!" Jay protested. "So many things need locked up here you'd think it was the friggin' Area 51 of Europe!"

"I tell you what. Just hit 'p'." said Lyle.

"Hit what?" Jay asked as he turned around to face Lyle.

"'P'." repeated Brodie, Frank, and Left Ear.

"What?" said Jay, even more confused.

"'P' on the keyboard!" Lyle hissed.

"I'm not gonna do that!" Jay said in disgust. "It's friggin' gross! Besides, wouldn't it short circuit the thing."

Lyle rolled his eyes and took over control again.

"It's 'p' for 'prison cells', chucklehead!" Lyle growled.

"Sorry." said Jay sheepishly.

* * *

On a winding road in the Carpathian mountain region of the Ukraine, the Regalo and the Wayfarer had a friendly race.

As Howard got a lead on him, Yogi suddenly felt a strong headache.

"I feel very weird." he said. Suddenly, his eyes misted over. He lined the Regalo up behind the Wayfarer and activated the Regalo's nitrous.

"YOGI! What are you doing?" yelled Ranger Smith as he quickly grabbed the steering wheel away from Yogi and avoided hitting the Wayfarer.

Yogi snapped out of it. "What just happened?" he asked.

"What do you mean? You almost killed Howard!" said Cindy as the Regalo got ahead of the Wayfarer.

"It felt like I was under someone else's control." said Yogi in a dazed way.

Huckleberry looked concerned. "Didn't they say something about a psychic villain back at the start?"

"I think this is him coming up now!" said Quick Draw as he saw Yuri and Mr. Chairman coming up behind them in their stolen Tesla.

Yuri had his hand to his temple and projected his powers. He had now taken control of Howard's mind. Howard turned the Wayfarer around and activated the front-mounted guns under the headlight.

Yogi had to fight to avoid the fire as Howard shot at them.

As they got past him, he turned around and came after them, still firing.

"They don't get away that easily!" smirked Mr. Chairman as he took out his remote control and activated the laser weapon on ACME's Triple S satellite.

"Hold on, guys!" yelled Yogi as he desperately tried to avoid the red laser beams being shot at them from outer space.

Amazingly, he had more trouble avoiding Howard's gunfire than he did avoiding the satellite laser.

"What the hell are you doing?" asked Yuri as he removed his hand from his forehead.

"I thought those morons fixed that glitch with the targeting system!" Mr. Chairman groaned in frustration as he kept trying and failing to get a fix on the Regalo. He then realised that Yuri no longer controlled Howard's mind.

"What the hell are YOU doing, you halfwit?" he yelled.

"Damn." said Yuri as he saw that Howard raced towards the Tesla with all guns blazing.

"No one messes with my cerebral functions!" Howard yelled.

Yuri attempted to focus his powers again, but was distracted as the Air Raid chopper suddenly appeared overhead.

"Take that chopper out!" yelled Mr. Chairman.

Yuri tried to attack Bullseye with his mind but couldn't make a connection.

"They're blocking me!" Yuri yelled in anger.

Sure enough, Bullseye wore a special helmet which blocked psychic powers.

Mr. Chairman clenched his teeth and drove the Tesla off, swerving around Howard and off on the mountain road.

The Air Raid chopper kept after him.

Close behind on the road was the Silver Bullet.

Hardtop kept up the speed in the car.

"Those informants of yours really helped, Lone Wolf." he said.

"Of course. Now let's nail these a-holes!" said Lone Wolf.

The Silver Bullet got alongside the Tesla.

The two cars brushed against each other as Mr. Chairman tried to force Hardtop off the road.

As they reached a section of the road on top of an incline, Hardtop performed a PIT manouvere and caused the Tesla to crash through the railing.

The Tesla's rear end hung off the top of the incline.

Hardtop threw the Silver Bullet into reverse and backed into the Tesla.

This caused the stolen car to roll down the steep incline and eventually come to a halt on its roof.

"Another hostile taken out." said Hardtop. "And I'm still reading life signs from the car so our buddies are still alive."

"Okay, Bullseye. They're all yours." said Lone Wolf over the radio as Bullseye flew the Air Raid towards the crash site.

Mr. Chairman and Yuri had crawled out of the wreckage. They were bruised and battered but still willing to fight.

They both looked up to see the Air Raid swooping down on them with its siren blaring.

"Here, give me that!" said Yuri as he snatched the satellite control from Mr. Chairman.

As the Air Raid was nearly upon them, Yuri smirked and fired a laser blast from the satellite.

It hit the rotors of the Air Raid, making it spin wildly.

"Shit! Coming in for emergency landing!" said Bullseye as he moved the chopper away to a reasonably safe landing zone.

"Now, I believe we must, as they say, skedaddle for now." said Yuri. "But at least they now know we are no pushovers."

"They still have Fat Boy to deal with." agreed Mr. Chairman.

The Silver Bullet had caught up with the Regalo and the Wayfarer.

"Thanks, you guys." said Boo Boo.

"We have a feeling it's not over yet, though." said Lone Wolf.

Sure enough, parked on a road above them was the Wildboar. Big Boss and Squeaky regarded the Cannonballers with hungry expressions.

Big Boss smirked as he pulled on the Total Anarchy mask.

* * *

Camaro sat in the gas system's control room, keeping a watch over the controls.

He heard the sound of metal straining and looked up to the ceiling.

"Something's fishy here." he thought to himself.

He raised his walkie-talkie to his mouth.

"Guys, I think we need to be prepared." he said aloud.

"Bluth can't be trying anything." said Charger in reply. "He's too stupid."

"Let's be ready, just in case." Stingray chipped in.

Charlie and Darius waited just around the corner from the prison cells where Rob and Stella were held.

"Lyle, how goes it?" whispered Darius.

"I thought you'd never ask." chirped Lyle in a cheery, musical voice.

After working through the security system, he finally hit the command to unlock the prison cells.

"YEAH!" yelled Jay in triumph.

"Okay, let's go join them." whispered Frank as he and the others snuck up to join Charlie and Darius.

In the gas system room, Camaro had turned around in his swiveling seat to face the back of the room. He looked up at the ceiling and saw that cover of a vent fall off.

Smirking to himself, he pulled out his gun and aimed it in front of him as Silent Bob dropped out.

When Bob saw Camaro aiming his gun at him, he looked deflated.

"Word to the wise, chubby." Camaro said. "That crawling silently through vent shafts only works in the movies. In the real world, you make a lot of noise doing that. Ain't you ever seen 'Mythbusters'?"

Bob glared at him.

"You especially shouldn't expect the process to be silent if you're as fat as Pop 'n Fresh." Camaro added nastily.

Keeping one hand on the gun, Camaro picked up his radio.

"We have a situation here!" He said. "One of the Cannonballers..."

Suddenly, Silent Bob kicked out with his left foot and knocked the gun away while Camaro was distracted.

Camaro angrily got to his feet.

"I'll deal with the Great Retardo here and you guys keep those two Brits from escaping!" he yelled back into the radio.

"Right! We're on our way!" Stingray replied.

Camaro set the walkie-talkie down and took up a fighting stance against Silent Bob.

As they began to duke it out, Charlie and Darius ran past the door to the control room with the newly liberated Stella and Rob in tow.

Rob had noticed the fight going on.

"Shouldn't we help 'em?" asked Rob.

"We'll rendezvous with the others and then take out these creeps first." said Darius as Lyle, Left Ear, Frank, Brodie and Jay ran up to them.

"Good work, good citizens!" Brodie smirked.

"Hi, Rob. Good to see you." said Frank as he saw Rob.

"Not our typical family reunion day is it?" joked Rob.

"Okay, so let's grab the tubby bitch and get outta here!" yelled Jay. "We gotta race to win!"

They all heard the sounds of guns being cocked.

They turned around to see Stingray, Charger and AMX all pointing AK-47s at them.

"Who's the bitch now, you pothead plankhead?" sneered Charger. "Now we just have more hostages to bargain with."

"And unlike you wimps, we KILL! Hence our nickname: the Killer Cars!" AMX said.

"I hope a goddamn giant cartoon cat comes along and crushes ya!" grumbled Frank.

"What?" asked Charger in confusion.

"What? You make jokes but you haven't heard of 'Monty Python'?" asked Rob.

"Well, the lot of you better watch it, or you will be ex-Cannonballers." sneered Stingray.

"You'll be bereft of life and resting in peace!" added Charger.

"You'll have shuffled off this mortal coil!" laughed AMX.

"Always comes back to that goddamn Parrot sketch!" moaned Brodie. "They did do other great stuff too!"

AMX aimed his gun at Brodie's feet. "Maybe I should make you dance and sing 'The Lumberjack Song' at the same time!" he chuckled. "You look like you'd look comfortable in high heels, suspenders and a bra! Ya gender-confused wuss!"

While this was going on, Silent Bob fought with Camaro in the room. Suddenly, Bob caught Camaro with a punch to the nose and sent him stumbling across the room. Unfortunately, Camaro fell on the control panel for the gas dispersal system and activated it accidentally.

As the warning klaxons sounded, Bob ran out of the room.

Camaro got back up off of the floor and yelled "Where are you going? Get back here and fight like...shit." He then tumbled to the floor and passed out.

The klaxons also sounded in the main room.

"What's that?" asked Charger.

"That's the warning for the gas dispersal system." said Darius.

"We have to get out of here before we're knocked out." said Stella.

"Wait, you're not British!" said AMX.

"And you're not stupid." said Stingray.

"Well, it's about time you figured that out!" said Stella.

"We've made a huge mistake." said Charger.

"We have to get out of here!" said AMX as he ran into the exit tunnel.

"Wait, don't go that way!" yelled Lyle.

AMX ran into the exit tunnel, stumbled, and fell into the elevator unconcious.

"The system is designed to disperse into the exit tunnel first." said Lyle.

"There!" said Left Ear as he pointed to the office nearby.

The Cannonballers ran for the office. Stella looked over her shoulder and saw Charger keel over and drop to the floor.

The Cannonballers entered the office and Charlie slammed the door behind him.

"We should be safe now." said Chaos.

Suddenly, Stingray ran up to the door and started pounding on it. "Open this door now!" she yelled.

"If I open the door, it'll break the seal!" said Stella. "You'll have to find another way out!"

Stingray pulled her gun and aimed at Stella. "Open this door before I get to three!" she yelled. "One! Two!" Before she could get to three, she dropped her arm, rolled her eyes, and collapsed.

"This is unbelievable." said Charlie.

Just then, Silent Bob ran into the main room and looked around.

"Oh no." said Stella.

"God." said Frank.

Bob looked at the unconcious villains, then looked at the door to the office. Jay looked through the window in the door distraughtly.

"Jay." muttered Bob. He then got dizzy, grabbed the edge of the table, and fell to the floor. Jay cringed.

_11:12:12...11:12:13...11:12:14_

* * *

At Dracula's castle, Buffy's and Mortimer's teams got out of their cars.

"Well, Miss Summers." said Mortimer. "Have you brought the vampire-hunting gear?"

"I never leave home without it." said Buffy. "Did you bring the Vamprocillin-D?"

"I bought one for everyone Dracula has bitten." said Mortimer.

"Great, let's go vampire hunting." said Veronica.

"Let's wait for the others first." said Bob.

The Maniac 2 was the next to arrive. Max, Liam, and Laura climbed out. "What's the word?" asked Max.

"Vampires." said Buffy.

"Oh yeah." said Laura. "That old thing."

"What's the plan?" asked Max.

"I thought we'd do some recon first." said Jordan. "After that, we'd get the rest of our guys in there and defeat Dracula. In the process, we try to cure our friends."

"Recon?" asked Max. "I'm on it."

"Don't, Max." said Liam. He turned to the rest and said "Look, I know Max is probably our most qualified specialist for an infiltration, but it's dangerous. He's my cousin. He's my best link to my family in the New World. I'd prefer if someone who could handle themselves went in there instead."

"Then you probably should have stopped him." said Veronica. "He snuck off while you were explaining why he shouldn't go."

"What?" yelled Liam as he turned to Max's position to see he was gone. "Oh, bloody idiot! I knew we shouldn't have mentioned that in front of him!"

* * *

On a dark highway nearby, the Evenflow drove along. Victoria cursed her luck at not finding any Cannonballers so far. Little did she know she would face an even bigger threat.

Out of the woods came a pair of vampires who watched the Evenflow drive by.

"Looks like the main course." smirked the first one.

"My favourite kind too: female." hissed the other as he bared his fangs.

The two vampires climbed into their SUV and drove off after the Evenflow.

After about a minute, they had caught up with the Evenflow and rear-ended it.

"What the...?" yelled Victoria.

The vampires got alongside her and tried to force her off the road. As the vamp driving the 4X4 kept trying to run her off the road, the passenger jumped out the window and landed on the road.

He quickly clung onto the underside of the Evenflow and drove his left fist into the floor, trying to break through.

"Shit!" Victoria yelled as she tried to fight off this two-pronged assault. She took one hand off the steering wheel and groped for her gun.

Still keeping one hand on the wheel, she tried to fire at the SUV.

"Don't worry! It won't hurt!" the vamp driver hissed as he leered at her.

Victoria fired a shot from her gun directly into the vamp driver's eyeball, blinding him briefly.

As the SUV swerved off the road, a long and sharp branch that jutted out from a tree smashed through the SUV's windshield and right through the vamp driver's heart. He screeched as he disintegrated.

Seeing his companion dead, the other vamp renewed his efforts to punch and claw his way through the underside of the Evenflow. His hand burst through and he clawed at Victoria's feet.

Gritting her teeth, Victoria drove the right side of the Evenflow up a narrow embankment and flipped the car over.

As it came crashing back down on the road, it was badly damaged. Victoria's safety belt saved her from serious harm. As the Evenflow came to a halt, she quickly undid her belt and got out of the car.

She looked at the almost completely wrecked Chevelle in fear to see if there was any sign of movement from the underside.

"Please tell me you're dead, you freak!" she said in her mind.

Just then, the Murmur drove up. It swerved a bit as Dudley slammed on the brakes and indignantly got out.

"What do you think you're doing, stopping in the middle of the road like that?" he demanded of Victoria, oblivious to her frightened expression. "Don't you know you could..."

An unholy roar interrupted him as the vampire lifted the Evenflow off himself and prepared to attack.

"Oh dear." Dudley deadpanned.

"RALLY HO!" yelled Fluid Man as he swirled himself out of the Murmur and completelty soaked the angry vampire.

The vamp screamed as if being burned by acid and slowly dissolved into nothingness.

"Let that be a lesson to you in picking on helpless people!" Fluey smirked.

"How...?" asked Victoria.

"A brief visit to a church about ten miles away from here." Coily said. "When we heard there were vampires around, we decided to help out by getting Fluey consecrated."

"Well, I guess I should thank you guys." said Victoria. She winced at the sight of the Evenflow. "Just a pity my car had to get totalled."

"Don't worry!" beamed Dudley. "The best mechanic in all of the RCMP is here to help."

He took out a bag of tools and immediately got to work on fixing up the Evenflow.

"Why are you guys helping me when I'm against the Cannonball?" she asked.

"There's been a situation this continent that requires us to put our differences aside." said Multi.

"More of these bloodsuckers you mean?" she asked. "I guess I can live with letting the moving violations slide this once then."

"I'll have your car fixed up in no time, m'am." Dudley beamed.

"I hope so." said Victoria. "I'm sick of this new Hollywood trend of wrecking classic American muscle."

* * *

At Orange County prison, a box truck pulled up to the gate. Golem jumped out of the driver's seat.

"Whatcha got?" asked the guard.

"Vending machine delivery." said Golem.

"It's about time." said the guard. "Those ice cream sandwiches have been piling up since that Bluth guy left."

"Uh, yeah." said Golem. "That's why I'm here."

"Okay, I need you to sign this." said the guard as he handed Golem a clipboard.

"Alright." said Golem. He started to sign the form and yelled "Boom! Pow! Bam! Bang bang bang bang bang!" He showed the form to the guard and asked "Do I need to put my middle initial?"

The guard shook his head.

Golem went back to signing the form. "Bang bang bang bang bang!"

Lester and Luther watched from the truck. "Did this guy sustain a lot of piledrivers in the ring?" asked Lester.

"Here you go." said Golem as he handed the form back to the confused guard.

"Thank you." said the guard.

"We're in." said Luther.

* * *

Max crawled into a hallway in the castle. "Boy, I don't want to go through that again." he said.

He got back up and snuck down the hall through the shadows. As he came to an intersection, he heard voices and stopped at the corner.

"This is a nice gown." said Dylan as she looked over the white gown she wore. "Dracula definitely has good taste in fashion."

"You're right about that." said Natalie as she looked in a mirror while wearing a similar gown. "Wish I could see how I looked in it." All she saw in the mirror was the wall behind her.

"I'm concerned about something." said Alex. She wore a similar gown. "Hyde suggested we retreat to Dracula's castle to attract the Cannonballers here. What if they manage to sneak in and we miss it?"

"Relax, Alex." said Dylan. "We're vampires now. Our senses have been enhanced."

"Let's see how enhanced sense handles no sense." whispered Max. "Whisper, on!"

He was surrounded by a blue glow and walked past the hallway without making a sound.

"Smooth sailing from here." he said.

That's when he came across Roger whose hair was rather messed up.

"Where do you think you're going?" asked Roger.

"Oh, is there a bathroom around here?" asked Max.

Roger went to attack him and he ran.

* * *

The Yellow Bird travelled along a road in Greece. Tommy had taken over the driving from Claude.

"So this is Greece... Still the same as it is every time I drive through here." Tommy said to himself. "I think those temple ruins look different somehow. Did they film that remake of 'Clash of the Titans' here?"

"Hey, watch out!" C.J. yelled suddenly.

Tommy swerved wildly to avoid an empty car that seemed to have been thrown towards the Yellow Bird. The team managed to avoid injury.

"Where the hell did that come from?" Tommy demanded.

Just then, two more cars suddenly appeared out of thin air and flew towards the Yellow Bird.

Tommy used every driving skill he had to avoid harm, but it got increasingly difficult.

This strange occurence was a power of Total Anarchy. The Wildboar was about fifty yards behind the Yellow Bird and Big Boss stood up through the sunroof in the rear seat, wearing the evil mask. As he conjured up more and more cars out of thin air and threw them at the Yellow Bird, he laughed evilly with a strong resonance to his voice.

"Keep on them, Squeaky!" He yelled. "Nothing can stop us now! Total Anarchy shall run rampant on the Cannonballers!"

"Right, Big Boss!" Squeaky smirked as he kept right on the Yellow Bird's tail.

Tommy had managed to evade most of the thrown cars but one clipped the side of the Yellow Bird and nearly knocked it off the road.

"We shall try something new." Big Boss thundered and reached out his hand.

The driver of an oncoming car suddenly stiffened and swerved into the Yellow Bird's lane, driving right towards them.

"SHIT!" C.J. yelled as Tommy narrowly avoided a crash by swerving at the right moment.

Claude glanced behind them and saw the Wildboar...and Big Boss with the Total Anarchy mask. He tapped C.J. on the shoulder and pointed their enemies out to them.

"I should have known it was that asshole mask!" C.J. said. "I bet if we break the wearer's concentration it would help us."

Claude pointed towards a button on the dash.

"Tommy, I'm gonna use that modification I made." C.J. said as Tommy still tried desperately to avoid being hit by other mind-controlled drivers nearly ramming headlong into the Yellow Bird.

"DO IT, DO IT, DO IT!" Tommy yelled in a panic.

C.J. hit the switch and a spike strip slid out of a hatch on the rear of the Yellow Bird and landed on the road.

As Squeaky drove the Wildboar, he failed to see it. As he ran over it, the Wildboar went out of control as all four tyres were punctured.

The wild swerving threw Big Boss out of the sunroof opening. He fell on the road and rolled for about thirty feet.

"WHOOOOOOO!" C.J. yelled in triumph as the Yellow Bird made its escape.

Squeaky got out of the disabled Wildboar to check on Big Boss. Big Boss groggily got up and groaned in pain. But as he looked at his injuries through his torn and dirtied clothes, he saw them healing incredibly fast. Within seconds the pain was gone.

Despite this loss to Tommy's team, he laughed in triumph.

Squeaky looked worried. "Are you okay, sir?"

"Nothing could be more perfect, my friend!" Big Boss laughed. "As I said, NOTHING will stop Total Anarchy. If DeMarco wants it, he'll have to haggle."

"Is that wise?" asked Squeaky.

Big Boss let out a menacing laugh again. "He's an insect compared to Total Anarchy! If he thinks he can defeat me, I will crush him like the drug-peddling parasite he is!"

Big Boss' laugh became thunderous.

Squeaky became more than a little unsettled.

* * *

The Cannonballers entered Dracula's castle.

"Max, where are you?" muttered Liam.

"Guys!" yelled Max. He had climbed to the second floor and now held onto a gargoyle. "I climbed out here to escape them. Can you get me down?"

"Sure, no problem." said Liam.

"Just a second." said Buffy. "Were you bitten at any time in this castle?"

"Ya bit? Huh? Ya bit?" asked Tuesday.

Suddenly, Max lost his grip and fell to the floor. His mask fell off and revealed he was still human.

"He's fine." said Laura.

"Relatively speaking." said Liam.

Just then, Eric, Kelso, and Fez burst in. Buffy raised the wooden stake in her hand.

"Whoa! Easy there!" said Eric. However, Buffy kept her stake up. "It's okay." said Eric. "I'm not a vampire. See? No fangs. Decent skin tone. I bet if you took your compact out, you'll see I've got a reflection."

Buffy raised her stake into a throwing position.

"Look, I know this isn't exactly my field." said Eric. "I'm only here to help you handle Hyde. When we find him, I'm sure he'll respond better to us. Just spare me, alright? There's something behind me, isn't there?"

Eric turned around to see that Dracula was behind him.

"Well, you've returned." said Dracula.

"I come back more often than Shirley MacLaine." said Buffy.

"Let's get this over with." said Bella.

"Very well." said Dracula. "But first, a snack."

Dracula looked to Eric. Eric said "You don't want to suck my blood." then swept his hand in front of Dracula's eyes.

"I actually do." said Dracula.

"You don't want to suck my blood." said Eric before he swept his hand in front of Dracula's eyes again.

"I am certain that I do." said Dracula.

"Eric," said Fez through gritted teeth "you are not a Jedi."

"This is for Hyde! Catch!" said Bob.

He threw the Vamprocillin-D to Eric. Unfortunately, Eric wasn't ready and it bounced off his chest and fell down a hole.

"Oops." said Eric.

"Come on!" yelled Fez. He and Eric ran to the stairs.

* * *

A prison guard walked up to DeMarco's cell with a small package. "Hey, you've got yourself a delivery." he said.

"Must be my lucky day." said DeMarco as he got off his bench and walked over.

DeMarco took the package and opened it while the guard walked away.

The package contained a note which read "Stay right there."

Suddenly, the back wall of the cell exploded and collapsed. Lester and Luther poked their heads through.

"Oh good." said Lester. "It was the right cell."

"Coming, boss?" asked Luther.

DeMarco ran for the hole in the wall as the guard came back.

"What was that explo...oh, shit." he said.

"How do we get out of here?" asked Luther as he pulled up his shirt.

"Let's see." said Lester as he looked at Luther's chest. "The tunnel leads to the basement, then to the courtyard...then it hits this mole. Really, you should get this thing looked at. I guess the passage leads to the loading dock where we have the truck."

"What truck?" asked DeMarco. "Who's watching the truck?"

"Some guy we brought." said Luther. "We told him to watch the truck."

In the loading dock, Golem stood near the truck and looked at it.

* * *

Natalie engaged Laura in combat. "Once I get that pretty little mask off, we've got another recruit." said Natalie.

"Not having it." said Laura. She put her hand to Natalie's shoulder and said "Doctor, on!"

A wave of white energy spread from Laura's glove to Natalie's body, knocking her back.

"Just as well." said Laura. "I'd probably lose my mind if I became a vampire."

"How did you know that would work?" asked Max.

"It works all the time in role playing games." said Laura.

"Sweet." said Max. "My wife's a closet geek."

Katie tangled with Corey.

"Kill me, Corey." said Katie. "Wouldn't you like to explain to dad?"

"We found a way out of this." said Corey as he grabbed Katie by her wrists. "For you and Roger. We can restore you to humanity."

"Why do you want to do that?" asked Katie as Corey pushed her to the wall. "I'm immortal. I'm super powerful. I am a god!"

Tuesday immediately started to wrap a rope around Katie's wrists. "Sorry, one is all we need." said Corey.

Tuesday hooked the rope onto a wall mount and said "Now, let's get Roger."

"Don't leave me here!" yelled Katie. "Untie me and face me like a man!"

"I will NOT give up on you!" said Corey.

Mortimer battled with Roger.

"I think it's time you joined us." said Roger.

"I dare you to try." said Mortimer.

Roger came at Mortimer with a clawing attack. Mortimer tried to hold him off with a simple blocking move, but failed. Roger grabbed Mortimer and prepared to bite him on the neck.

"Now for the prize." said Roger. As he went to sink his fangs into Mortimer's neck, Bob hit him over the head with a vase.

"Sorry." said Bob. "Didn't earn it."

"Why did you do that?" asked Mortimer.

"He was about to bite you." said Bob. "By the way, you need to work on your defense. It almost looked like you were trying to get bitten."

Buffy tangled with Dracula.

"Can't you feel the terror?" asked Dracula.

"This is my sworn duty." said Buffy. "I am not afraid."

"You will be." said Dracula. "You...will...be."

He launched a dashing attack at her, but she managed to dodge it. She responded by thrusting a wooden stake towards his chest. He deflected the attack and swung his fist at her. She dodged again.

Dracula ended his swing facing away from Buffy. She quickly took out her stake and tried to drive it into his back. He intercepted the strike and turned to face her.

"Nice try." he said. "But nobody gets me from behind."

He forced her hand back over her shoulder. She dropped the stake into her other hand and immediately thrust it into his chest.

"They always get me in the front!" he gasped just before he disintegrated.

The vampires all stopped fighting to see what had happened.

"Okay." said Buffy. "Who's next?"

The other vampires all looked at each other. They all decided on discretion and fled the chamber.

"Wimps." Buffy smirked.

As the vamps ran for the castle's main entrance, the Trio Incarnate sat in wait for them.

"You guys could do with a tan." laughed Simms as he activated the huge UV lamps on the Trio. The vampires howled as they were burned to a crisp.

Any vampires not caught in the beams were gunned down by Rawhide and Reno with the mounted stake cannons.

Within a few minutes, all that was left of Dracula's minions was a huge ashpile.

"Clean-up on aisle twelve!" Billy jokingly remarked.

* * *

Two guards at the prison looked over a tablet.

"The phantom vehicle phenomenon is rather widespread." said one. "Look here. It says that a Brtish man in the early 80s crashed his car while trying to avoid a truck that suddenly appeared coming towards him and then vanished."

"Yeah, I think I know what really happened." said the other. He mimed drinking from a bottle.

Lester, Luther, and DeMarco snuck through the tunnel. They came to the courtyard.

"Great, we'll never get past those guards." said Lester.

"Not a problem." said Luther. "I gave Golem a radio." He picked up the radio and pressed the transmit button. "Golem, we need your help."

Golem started looking around confused.

"We need you to take out those two guards." said Luther.

"Help me!" yelled Golem. "I'm possessed!"

Luther facepalmed himself. "I told him what this stupid thing is." he muttered.

"Let him finish." said Lester.

"Is everything alright?" asked one of the guards.

"I'm infested with ghosts!" yelled Golem as he ran towards the guards.

"Sir, I suggest you calm down." said the other guard.

"Calm this!" yelled Golem. He grabbed the two guards and threw them together, knocking them out.

"How about that?" asked Luther.

He, Lester, and DeMarco left the tunnel and approached Golem.

"Golem." said Luther. "Are you okay?"

"I'm possessed!" yelled Golem. "I don't know what's going on!"

"It's okay!" said Luther. "We got rid of them. The ghosts are gone."

"Huh? How?" asked Golem.

"Uh, this." said Luther as he held up the radio. "It's a ghost repelant. It scared off the ghosts."

"Oh." said Golem.

"Can we go now?" asked DeMarco.

"Right." said Lester.

All four of them piled into the truck. Lester started the engine and backed towards the exit. Suddenly, two police cars pulled out and blocked the exit. Lester backed right into them.

Warden Gentiles walked out into the courtyard. "Futile effort." he said. "I think you and your friends will be spending time in the White Power Bill Memorial cell."

"Plan B." said Lester. Everyone ran into the back of the truck.

"Men, can you please recapture Mr. DeMarco?" asked Gentiles.

The guards approached the truck. They stopped when they heard an engine start.

"What do we have here?" asked Gentiles.

The back of the truck fell onto the hoods of the police cars. Inside, the Snakehead roared to life.

"Great, get us out of here." said DeMarco.

Luther put the car into gear and drove out of the truck, over the police cars. Golem cheered in the passenger seat.

"And so another great plan comes to fruition." said Lester.

"Now, let's work on some more." said DeMarco.

* * *

"Okay, now that Dracula's out of the picture," said Bob "it's time for your medicine."

"It's about time." said Katie. "If I have to live forever, I'm going to go broke keeping up with modern fashions."

"THAT'S your main concern?" asked Tuesday.

"You first, Angel." said Bob as he tossed a vial to Dylan. Buffy gave him a curious look.

Dylan drank the Vamprocillin-D. "I don't feel anything yet." she said. "When's it supposed to..." Suddenly, the Vamprocillin-D took effect and she was changed back into a human. "Ah, that's better." she said.

Natalie and Alex had also been restored to humanity. Natalie checked out the dress she'd been given in the mirror. "This is a nice dress." she said. "Can I take it with me?"

"Well, I don't see why you have to be dead to wear it." said Max. "Go right ahead."

Roger and Katie had also been restored. "Well, that's a load off my mind." said Katie.

"Now, let's get back on the road." said Roger.

"Um, Roger?" said Corey. "I've got some bad news." He handed Roger a mirror.

"Why? What's...?" asked Roger as he took the mirror. He looked into it, saw his messed up hair and screamed.

Maeve had been restored as well, after finally coming down off her caffeine high. She looked relieved as some colour returned to her cheeks.

"I'll make sure I heed warnings from superstitious old ladies from now on." she sighed.

"I'm glad you're not going to miss being a vampire." said 99. "What about your car?"

"I think I'll keep the tinted windows. They look cool." Maeve smiled. "I'm more worried about what to tell my boss about where I've been the past few days."

"I'm sure our officials can sort something out." said Buffy. "Probably involving a pay raise and some vacation time.".

Over in another corner of the room sat Priss and Savo. Buckaroo had just administered their dosage of Vampirocillin-D after bringing them in from the Trio Incarnate.

"I feel much better now." said Priss. "I hope I'll get my bike back, though."

"No problem, Priss. I had New Jersey bring it along from the rest stop." Buckaroo smiled. He then turned to Savo. "Your team-mates have been notified and are on their way."

"Good." Savo replied. "I can't wait to get back in the race. What WAS that metal the nets were made of anyway? It must've been the strongest I'd ever seen."

"It's called dwarf star alloy." Perfect Tommy said. "It's the hardest metal in the universe."

"Now I can see why the Doctor told you about it." smiled Priss. "You can be counted on to keep it a secret. Though I suppose you'll have to call your friends from MIB now that you've told us about it."

"It's okay." said Buckaroo. "If you do keep it quiet I can ensure that your past history of traffic violations in Tokyo can be erased."

"Now, that I like the sound of." beamed Priss.

"So, you say that Dracula resurrects every year?" asked Mortimer.

"Oh yeah." said Buffy. "He's got some kind of connections. There's always something that pulls him back."

"Thank you." said Mortimer. He walked over to Dracula's ashes and tucked in his card. "This is my number." he said. "When you come back, be sure to ring me up."

"Hey, what happened to Eric and his team?" asked Corey.

* * *

Eric and Fez ran through the lower levels of the castle.

"It should be over there." said Fez.

"I hope so." said Eric. "This is the bottom level."

Suddenly, Hyde appeared in front of them. "Going somewhere?" he asked.

"Look, Hyde." said Eric. "You know that I'm not exactly a perfect specimen. I actually had to be checked by a doctor to prove I couldn't pass gym class."

"I found it!" yelled Kelso as he held up the Vamprocillin-D.

"Found what?" asked Hyde.

"Uh, a blood sample we took from Fez to see if he was worthy of biting." said Kelso.

"Then let me see." said Hyde. He took the Vamprocillin-D from Kelso and drank it. "This doesn't taste like blood." said Hyde. "Are you sure this is..."

Suddenly, he started to convulse and twitch. After a few seconds, his fangs disappeared and his skin tone returned to normal.

"What just happened?" asked Hyde.

"Oh, yeah!" said Kelso. "That wasn't Fez's blood! It was that stuff that turns vampires back into people!"

"Oh, man!" said Hyde.

"Did it work?" asked Fez.

"Yeah. Yeah, I think so." said Hyde. "I don't have this urge to drink blood anymore. I do, however, have an urge for a little you-know-what. Forman, did you remember to pick up any in Holland?"

"Sorry." said Eric.

"Hey, Kelso." said Hyde. "Thanks for curing me. It was kind of fun being a vampire, but I really wouldn't want to repeat that."

"Hey, Hyde." said Kelso. "I had to do it, man. You know, because friends help out friends and you needed help in a big way. Even if I had to trick you like that, it was worth it to save you."

"Come here, man." said Hyde. He put his arm around Kelso and hugged him.

"Can we go now?" asked Fez.

"Yeah, we gotta." said Eric.

"Let's go." said Hyde.

The group then started to walk out of the room. Then, Kelso and Hyde stopped.

"Oh, Hyde." said Kelso. "There's one other thing. BURN!"

Kelso ran out of the room laughing while Hyde just stared at him.

* * *

Herbie sped down the road towards Athens so he could reach the main bridge leading to Africa. Right on his tail were the Jawbreaker, Opus, and Starbreaker.

"You guys in the bug have nowhere to go!" yelled Banner over his loudspeaker. "We're gonna squash ya!"

Herbie started to honk his horn erratically at Team Disney Guys' pursuers.

"Hey, it's morse code!" Donald remarked.

"Is he talking to the cops?" asked Goofy.

Mickey had a listen to the morse code Herbie was beeping and looked stunned.

"I certainly hope so." he said. "And I thought Herbie could be so polite!"

"WHAT?" yelled Bullock in the Jawbreaker as he heard Herbie's morse code. "NOBODY says that about my momma!"

"We're gonna wash his tailpipe out with soap!" Montoya agreed.

LaFours glared angrily and put his foot down in the Opus.

The Cannonball Squad members all poured on their speed and tried to attack Herbie.

Once again, the resourceful VW used his quick agility and moves to avoid any collisions or attempts to spin him out.

"Hold still, dammit!" yelled Bender in the Starbreaker as Herbie somersaulted over him and Banner and landed behind them.

"Rotten sportsmanship if you ask me." grumbled Banner.

"Okay, Goofy." said Mickey as he flipped a switch. "Time to see if your time spent playing Mad Dog's game paid off."

A hatch opened above one of Herbie's headlights revealing a small cannon.

Goofy took control of a firing switch and lined up all the police vehicles in the crosshairs of a HUD in front of him.

"Here we go!" he smirked as he pressed the trigger.

The cannon shot out one of Buckaroo's disruptor disks and it clamped on to the rear panel of the Starbreaker.

Within seconds, its engine was shorted out in a shower of sparks.

Goofy quickly changed aim and fired disks at the Opus and the Jawbreaker as well, soon putting each of them out of action.

"YEAH! SO LONG, YA BIG SISSIES! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" yelled Donald as Herbie jumped over the disabled vehicles, leaving them in the dust.

"I really, really, REALLY hate these guys!" grumbled Montoya.

Banner raised his eyes heavenward. "Are you testing me or something, Lord?" he asked.

"Hey. There's no need to bring religion into it." Bender said reassuringly.

"Isn't there?" snapped Banner. "It cannot be possible that we underestimated these guys."

"Looks like it IS possible to me." Bender sighed.

"Oh, it's alright for you!" Banner snapped. "You normally just look after some jerkwater Route 66 town! I have to worry about the whole United States! And now the whole world is counting on me to keep the road safe!"

"Hey, let's not get personal." Bender said, slightly offended.

Banner sighed. "Okay, I'm sorry. Let's get the cars fixed and meet up with the others on the coast."

* * *

Now that the vampire situation had been contained, several Cannonballers had decided to test their skill on one of the most challenging roads in Europe.

It was the Transfagarasan highway, famous for being chosen by 'Top Gear' as the best driving road in the world.

Five Cannonball vehicles roared out of a long tunnel leading onto the highway.

In the lead was the Reaper, followed by the Vulcano, the Megere, the Darkness, and the Avenger.

They all came to a stop and lined up, one behind the other.

"Righteous." said Darryl in appreciation as he gazed down the mountain at the many hairpin turns, sudden drops, and other challenges the highway presented.

"You thought it was tough dealing with vamps?" David smirked. "That was a piece of cake compared to this."

"Hey, Frank, are you sure you wanna do this?" Stone Cold asked Frank Castle.

"Sure." said Frank as he fastened a helmet onto his head. "I'd love to kick you guys' asses on this challenge."

Takumi smiled and revved the Reaper's engine.

"Finally we get in on some action!" he said.

"Don't let the Akagi Red Suns down, then." K.T. said.

They heard a horn honk, and turned to see the Primus driving up.

They all looked surprised as it came to a halt.

"Hey, Jerry. Good to see ya." said Nina. "We never thought you'd catch up this quickly."

"You'd be surprised what I'm capable of." said Jerry. "And I had enough time to find out my family history in Cardiff."

"And now you want to do THIS?" spluttered Captain Pierce as he got a good look at the route ahead of them. "I swear, you are trying to kill me. And please don't tell me to relax."

A satellite camera from Race Central observed everything. Misty kept watch as the Killers took the stage.

"We believe that a challenge like this deserves some appropriate music." Misty said. "Anyone have any requests."

"Sure do, Misty." Jerry spoke up. "In honour of my recently discovered roots, I would like to request 'The Road' by that great Welsh band The Alarm."

"Well, whaddaya know?" said Ronnie. "We get to do two great driving songs."

"Okay, Jerry. Do your ancestors proud!" said Brandon as Jerry and the others revved their engines.

Jezz Torrent came onstage with them. "I seem to recall this song has a part my new instrument can fill in." he said as he pulled out his harmonica. "Now, all you naysayers can see what I can do."

"Right. Here we go." said Brandon.

As the intro to the song began, the six Cannonball vehicles roared off the starting line.

**Come on!**

As Jezz started in on the harmonica part, the Reaper held the lead for a few seconds before the Darkness moved up to challenge it.

Rob was taken by surprise by a hairpin turn and quickly tried to drift through it as Takumi did the same.

"Not a muscle car's best ability." smirked Takumi as Rob ended up losing speed.

The Vulcano and the Primus overtook him and got on the Supernova's tail. As this happened, Brandon's vocals began.

**Every day I get up from off the floor.**  
**I keep on coming back for more and more.**  
**So many times I get it in the face.**  
**I keep on running 'til my dying day.**

"Payback time for getting ahead of us, boys!" laughed Nina as she moved up the outside of the Primus and prepared to pass.

Both cars ran along a mountainside with no guard rail. Jerry managed to keep the lead as Nina fell behind.

They drifted through another hairpin curve and kept up to speed, eventually passing the Supernova as Nick had to slow down to avoid an accident.

**Rain on the roadway, thunder in the sky.**  
**The light of day disappears from sight.**

**As the road opens up in front of my eyes.**  
**These wheels are burning up the miles.**  
**As the road opens up in front of my eyes.**  
**The only limitation is in my mind.**

Nina clenched her teeth as Jerry proved hard to pass.

"Come on! Give it to him!" Anna yelled.

"Shut up!" Nina yelled back as she fought for an opening.

Behind them, Frank had kept control of the Avenger as it went through a sudden dip in the road. He managed to maintain control as he went down the hill at high speed. As he climbed back up an incline, the Darkness had made up lost ground and blew past him.

**I drive awake my eyes are on full beam.**  
**The wind is screaming into my slipstream.**  
**Something keeps pulling me back from sleep.**  
**Whatever it is I want to see.**

The Reaper drifted through another turn with ease as Takumi and K.T. tried to catch up to the Vulcano.

K.T. looked behind them and saw the Darkness and the Megere catching up on them.

"I see they've found he benefits of rear-wheel drive." K.T. remarked.

"Yeah, but they haven't been educated in touge racing since they were 13, like I was." smirked Takumi as he kept ahead.

Nina finally got an opening and overtook the Primus as they drifted through yet another turn.

Captain Pierce was excited but kept an eye out to make sure they didn't go over the edge.

"We definitely brought the right car." Joanna laughed as Nina held onto the lead and went onto a long stretch.

**These wheels are burning up the road tonight.**  
**The fuel is pumping into my mind.**

**As the road opens up in front of my eyes.**  
**These wheels are burning up the miles.**  
**As the road opens up in front of my eyes.**  
**The only limitation is in my mind.**

As the bridge to the song came, Jerry gained ground on the Vulcano while behind them, the Megere made serious headway and overtook the Darkness, Avenger, and Reaper.

"As much as I'd like to see Elizabeth, I don't wanna become a spirit myself." said Darryl.

"It's okay. I can handle it!" said David as they swerved through a major hairpin and then onto another chicane road.

"I hope you can." said Elizabeth. "This IS scarier than dealing with the vamps."

**I'll be there when it all comes down.**  
**I'll be there.**  
**I'll be there when it all comes down.**  
**I'll be there.**  
**When it all comes down.**

As Jezz went into a long harmonica solo and the crowd at the Four Dragons cheered, the Avenger and the Darkness both fell behind as the road became more challenging.

As they had now reached the valley floor, Frank considered going off-road but thought better of it.

Rob had difficulty both drifting through the curves and keeping up to speed.

The Reaper got ahead of the Megere, with Takumi mustering up all his driving skill and then some to gain on the Vulcano and the Primus.

"It's like every tough corner from every good racetrack was stitched together like the Human Centipede to make this road!" Jerry said.

"Those British guys weren't kidding then." said Pierce.

**Come on, come on.**

Nina shifted gears with ease, but started to lose the lead as the Reaper and the Primus kept right on the Vulcano's tail.

"Okay. No guts, no glory." said Jerry as they did another drift and went back up an incline.

Jerry activated his nitrous shot and blew past the Vulcano, keeping his mind on his steering at the same time.

"Whoa!" Pierce yelled.

The Reaper and the Vulcano fought to catch up, but Jerry kept his foot down and all his concentration on the blacktop ahead of him.

**As the road opens up in front of my eyes.**  
**These wheels are burning up the miles.**  
**As the road opens up in front of my eyes.**  
**The only limitation is in my mind.**

**The Road.**

**Fuel pumping gasoline in my mind.**  
**From the engine to my body.**  
**This wheel's on fire.**

As they reached the end of the famous highway and headed out of the Carpathian mountains, the Reaper overtook the Vulcano and moved up.

But the Primus kept the lead as they exited the valley.

The Reaper came out second and the Vulcano third.

"Damn! Lost to a gaijin again!" K.T. yelled.

"At least it wasn't the bald guy." shrugged Takumi. "Win some, lose some."

The others managed to catch up but still lagged behind.

Nemesis roared in frustration.

"Sumbitch." Stone Cold grumbled to himself.

**The Road.**

**As the road opens up in front of my eyes.**  
**The only limitation is in my mind.**

**The Road.**

-"The Road" by the Alarm.

"YEAH!" yelled Pierce. "I'm glad to say that was crazy but it was fun. Unlike Roger Murtaugh, I don't think I'm getting too old for this shit!"

"Hey, you wanna take over driving for a while?" asked Jerry. "You'd have to drive fast, though, if we wanna get to Greece now that the bridge is open."

"Good idea. I'll show you what a so-called old fart like me picked up in my time when I had to drive a firetruck." Pierce smirked.

At Race Central, the crowd applauded.

The other members of Love Fist looked stunned as Jezz took a bow along with the Killers.

"I retract my previous statement." Percy said. "But do you lads really think a harmonica and heavy metal could go together?"

"If Anthrax and Public Enemy can go together, you never know." Willy said.

"Don't forget..." Dick began.

"Oh, come on! Everybody knows about Run DMC and Aerosmith!" Willy yelled. "D'ye nay ken I was looking for a different example for once!"

"Easy there, pal." Dick said nervously.

* * *

The participants in the puzzle hunt had all arrived at the Acropolis in Athens' Greece. James, Pitt, the Drake, Bart and Wile E. all took their places at the round table, which was in the centre of a ring of high columns left over from one of the ancient ruins.

An oven was set up nearby and the chefs removed the racers' dishes from it and brought them to the table.

"The final dish for the Europe Cannonball Run Puzzle Hunt..." the official for Greece announced. "...Pastitsio."

The lasagna-like Greek dish was set in front of each participant as they had their hands tied.

"Two layers of pasta." the Drake remarked. "If nothing else, this'll give me mucho stamina for the race."

"Come on, James! Chow down and win us this puzzle hunt!" yelled Jessie encouragingly to James.

"Be careful. It's only just out of the oven." Daffy warned Wile E. "Don't wannd burn the roof off your mouth."

The chess clock was readied.

"All set?" asked the official.

"Yeah." the group chorused, apart from Wile E. He simply nodded to confirm he was ready.

"GO!" said the official as the clock was started.

* * *

At a race track in Tennessee, the Crusader had been parked at the start of a quarter-mile drag strip alongside a black '05 Ford Mustang. Baxter and his crew stood by as they prepared to test the speed of their assault vehicle against a fully-modded muscle car to see if it could keep up.

"Okay, Bolan. Don't screw this up." Baxter said into his walkie-talkie.

"Roger that, sheriff. I'm ready to tear Billy Hank here a new ass!" Bolan replied as he revved the Crusader's engine.

Billy Hank, the local racer who was driving the Mustang, looked over at the Crusader smugly and gave a thumbs-down as he revved his engine in return.

Baxter nodded to Masado, who flipped the switch activating the lights on the 'christmas tree' at the start of the drag.

Both Bolan and Billy Hank glared in determination as the lights first flashed red, then yellow.

As the green light came, both vehicles performed burnouts out of the starting block.

Billy Hank got the lead at first in the Mustang, but Bolan pushed the Crusader as hard as its mighty engine would go and made up lost ground in next to no time.

Within seconds, the Crusader took the lead and looked set to beat the Mustang at the dash.

Just then, the Crusader's underside started to smoke as it threw a rod as a result of Masado's earlier sabotage.

"WHAT? NO!" yelled Bolan as the Crusader lost speed and the Mustang overtook it.

"Goddamn it!" yelled Baxter as the Mustang crossed the finish line first.

"Guess it was pushed a bit too far." said one of the other cops dourly.

Baxter sighed a little bit.

"Okay, but we won't let this get us down." he said. "Back to the drawing board."

Masado tried his best to hide his smile.

* * *

"YESYESYES! WE DID IT!" Jessie squealed in delight as James was the first one to finish the pastitsio meal in Athens.

As James had his hands untied, the official smiled at him.

"I'm glad you had a big meal as you'll need the energy." the official said.

"Why?" asked James.

"Because the prize money is up THERE." said the official as he pointed to the top of a thirty-foot high column in the circle they were in.

"Beat ya to the top!" yelled Pitt as he quickly ran towards the column.

"MOVE IT, YA JERK!" yelled Meowth to James.

James broke into a run and leaped about seven feet into the air and clung onto the column.

"Come on, Dirk!" yelled Gunn. "You can do it!"

Team NUMA and Team Rocket each yelled encouragement to Pitt and James as they climbed up the opposite sides of the column.

At one point, James nearly fell as he lost his foot-holding.

He quickly clambered back and got a lead on Pitt.

"You're not gonna beat me, grandpa!" James yelled as he got nearer to the top.

Pitt swore and doubled his efforts to catch up.

"Damn! I've been out of practice!" he thought to himself.

"Come on! Don't stop!" Giordino yelled to Pitt.

But in the end, it was James who reached the top of the column first.

He whoopped in joy as he picked up the suitcase containing the money.

"WHOO! We've got it, team!" James yelled. "The world is ours!" He then looked sheepish and said "So to speak." in a more hushed tone.

Jessie started writing a list down.

"First, I'm going to the best salon in Celadon City and getting a complete facial, along with my hair and make-up, and then.."

Giovanni angrily snatched the list away.

"We can work out how to divide the spoils later." he said. "Alright, James, bring it down here."

"Yes, sir!" James saluted with his free hand. Putting the suitcase under his arm, he started to climb back down the column.

As he made his way down, a chunk of stone suddenly fell out of the column under his foot. This made him slide down fast.

James panicked and scrabbled with his arms to find a grip. This caused him to drop the suitcase.

"Shit! SHIIIIIIIIT!" Jessie yelled as the suitcase fell. It fell right towards the oven that had been used to cook the pastitsio, which was still on.

As it fell, the suitcase popped open and the stacks of money fell into the hot oven and immediately caught fire.

James had found a grip and looked down in horror at the fate of the European puzzle hunt money. "Oops." he said quietly.

Jessie's eyes began to tear up and her cheeks turned red. She looked up at James in pure fury with her teeth bared. "GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" She snarled.

James turned pale and quickly climbed back up to the top of the column as Jessie started to angrily claw around the bottom of it.

"YOU GET YOUR SORRY ASS DOWN HERE NOW, MISTER! I WILL GIVE YOU AN ASS-WHOOPING YOU WILL NEVER FORGET!" Jessie screamed, practically foaming at the mouth.

Pitt had returned to the ground and looked on at this with the other teams.

"Looks like someone besides Taz is gonna need a straitjacket." Bugs remarked.

Wile E. simply held up a sign that said 'Egad!" as his mouth hung open in shock at Jessie's tantrum.

"I don't know which emotion I feel more." remarked Ron. "Regret at the fact that we lost the challenge and the money was lost or relief that Team Rocket didn't get it."

"Forget that." said Pitt. "I hope James can come down from there later without getting killed."

"Well, it's not our problem for now." said Homer. "We have a race to get on with."

"True." remarked the Drake as Team Simpsons, Team Looney Tunes, Team NUMA, and Team Drake returned to their respective vehicles.

"I just hope this isn't gonna happen every time it looks like the puzzle hunt is won." said the Drake. "I mean, you saw what happened with those guys from Metro City."

"Yeah." remarked Venom. "If this does keep happening, Brock's gonna lose money faster than Kevin Costner did when 'The Postman' came out."

Jessie had now started to rock the column that James was on top of to try and bring him down.

"I think we may need to calm Jessie down a bit." Giovanni said.

"Know where we can get some elephant tranquilisers?" Meowth sarcastically said.

* * *

As the Cannonballers in Greece made their way to the coast and the bridge leading to Tunisia, Banner had gathered his forces together in Sparti and attempted to make new plans.

"Alright. I've checked out one possible factor that could aid us in Africa." Banner announced. "The newly-elected President of Tanzania is a former police officer. His name is Reginald Kante. He was known for cracking down on speeders while on the highway patrol. If anyone can help us, it will be him."

"Sounds about right." said Willenholly. "Hopefully he can help Amos with his little problem."

Amos was mumbling to himself about causing Ford Fairlane bodily harm when he found him.

"What's eating him?" asked Bullock.

"He found out that Disco Express are big in Europe." Willenholly replied. "Figures. They love their pop music in Germany.

"That's true." said Michaels. "We went into a bar and they were playing 'Space Age Love Song'. Glad the guys over here know more Flock of Seagulls than 'I Ran'."

"Never mind that." Bullock said. "What the hell happened to your car?"

He nodded over to the Speed Demon, or what was left of it. The car had practically been torn apart. The hood and the roof had been ripped off and there were holes all over the body.

"Well, what can we say?" Slater innocently asked. "The Cannonballers are tough."

"Is that sumbitch The Bandit around here?" Buford demanded.

"Just that when we chased him, something like that happened to our squad car." Junior chipped in.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you two deliberately let your car get wrecked so you could claim the compensation!" Banner snapped.

"Easy, chief. These guys are dedicated officers of the law." said Montoya.

"And besides, you read our affidavit." Michaels added.

"Well, get the car fixed up with the money and be more careful next time, ya lugnuts!" said Roscoe.

"Why are you three being so cranky?" Slater asked Buford, Junior and Roscoe.

"It was a long journey from Spain and the airline food wasn't fit for a goddamn pig, that's why!" Buford said.

"Didn't you eat your sandwich?" asked Michaels.

"It was a little overcooked." Buford deadpanned.

"Where's Victoria?" asked Bender. "She's the only one not here."

"She said she had to go to the local Transfender on the radio." said Banner. "That and something about a moron Mountie."

* * *

At the local Transfender in Sparti, Victoria angrily counted out some money for the mechanics to fix up the Evenflow.

"There you go." she grumpily said.

"And you say that guy said he was the best mechanic in the RCMP?" asked the head mechanic.

"If he was, the Mounties should get really worried." Victoria grumbled as she looked over at the bay where the Evenflow was.

Dudley's 'repair job' had left the Evenflow's body mounted backwards on the chassis with the doors and the hood left off. The back seats had also been moved to the front.

"Just for that, I'm declaring open season on all the Cannonballers' helpers as well." Victoria thought to herself.

* * *

In Malaga in the south of Spain, Team Furious sat in a line with other Cannonballers waiting to cross the bridge to Morocco.

As they waited, they watched a report from Race Central. Brock himself delivered the report.

"It has just been confirmed that the vampire menace has been dealt with and that all Cannonballers who were turned are now human once again." He cheerfully said. "So, as of right now, the bridges to Africa are officially open. The Cannonball will continue into Africa. We wish all our racers the best of luck. In addition, I wish to extend a formal apology to Joan Wilder and her team. It was discovered that they had been framed. But fortunately, the culprits have been apprehended and are being shipped back to the USA to stand trial. The fact that we were nearly fooled by such a ploy will stand as a warning for us all to be extra-vigilant from now on."

Brock said a bit more, but a loud revving sound drowned him out. Team Furious looked over and saw the Overlord parked next to them.

The car now had side-exit exhausts, which Ford had bought with his race winnings, along with new headers and a whole new exhaust set-up.

Vince angrily leaned out the Rumor's window.

"Hey, greaser! Why don't you..."

As Ford revved the Overlord's engine again, a jet of flame shot out of the Overlord's exhaust and Vince quickly leaned back in to avoid it.

A small part of his beard had been singed off from the heat. Dom and Brian saw this and laughed.

"Oh, REAL witty! Very goddamn amusing!" Vince grumbled.

"Consider that your penance for the nitrous screw-up." Brian chuckled.

"I hope Fairlane blasts you next time and all that product in your 'do goes up like a Christmas tree!" Vince grumbled.

* * *

In Team Rocket HQ, Butch, Cassidy, and the others all watched an in-car interview with their rivals and their boss in the Cannonball.

Misty interviewed them. "I must say that is very unfortunate." she remarked with genuine sympathy. "I mean to have come so close to the puzzle hunt money and then to lose it."

"You're probably happy about it, carrot-head!" Snapped Meowth.

"Hey. I have shown sympathy to you guys before." Misty said. "Remember the time I gave you some of that herbal cure so you could treat Jessie's cold in the Orange Islands?"

"Yes, there is that." said James in the Peligro's back seat as he looked over the charred remains of the briefcase. "Well, the bad news is that the money is indeed destroyed. But I think I can save the briefcase."

"SHUT UP!" Meowth and Giovanni chorused as Giovanni drove.

"He might as well put a 'Space To Let' sign on his forehead." Domino grumbled.

"Is Jessie okay?" Misty asked onscreen.

The in-car camera panned over to show Jessie firmly strapped into her seatbelt. She had a demented look in her eyes and seemed to be counting imaginary money.

"We won the puzzle hunt!" She said, giggling. "This $100,000 is going towards buying my new wardrobe. This stack can buy me a mansion. And this is going to send me to Disneyland!"

"Holy crap." said Butch. "It's happened. She's lost her mind."

"Don't worry about her, Misty." Giovanni said. "She's just in shock. We're pretty sure she'll snap out of it by Africa."

"Here's hoping." Misty said as she sweatdropped.

Toni then stepped into range of the camera as it cut back to Race Central.

"Well, despite another little hitch with the puzzle hunt, the race is now heading into Africa. Here's hoping the Cannonballers will blaze a wonderful trail through the deserts. It's been fun commentating on Europe. Now I'm sure Lazlow's learned his lesson, so he'll be back. I'm sure that's good news to anyone who actually likes him!"

Toni giggled as Lazlow stood off-camera and glared.

"Wait 'til I tell everyone what you got up to on the Duran Duran tourbus, you glorified bimbo!" he thought to himself.

Butch lifted the crossword back up and looked in confusion at the only space that was left to fill in.

Annie noticed and snorted. "Why do you waste time with that crap? Those things are so easy, it's insulting."

"Easy for you to say as you managed to be no help at all when we were working on it earlier!" snapped Butch. "You were too busy getting drunk off your head and singing 101 soul classics."

"Oh yeah? I bet I can give you the answer to the last clue no problem." Annie said as she put her hands on her hips. "Twenty bucks. Loser pays."

"You're on." Cassidy smirked as she got beside her partner.

"Right. Let's have it." said Annie.

"Broadway musical featuring Daddy Warbucks: five letters." Butch read.

"Oh, for pete's sake, that's easy. 'Evita'." said Annie.

"BZZZT! WRONG!" Oakley smugly yelled, imitating a game show buzzer.

"OF course it's 'Evita'!" Annie said.

"Whose story is 'Evita'?" asked Domino.

"Eva Peron." said Annie.

"And do you know many Argentinean political figures called Daddy Warbucks?" asked Oakley.

Annie thought about it for a minute. She then snapped her fingers in frustration. "Damn!" She said.

"So, do you two know the answer?" asked Butch.

"Sure." said Domino as she gave Annie a smug look. "It's 'Annie'."

"You are shitting me." groaned Annie.

"No, she's not." said Cassidy. "'I' is the fourth letter which is filled in, and it fits."

"Thank you, ladies." Butch smirked as he finished the crossword. "I still think there was an odd pattern with those answers."

"Guess it's a hard knock life for you, huh?" Domino smirked at Annie.

Annie grunted in anger and threw a $20 bill on the table.

"Now, I'M going to bed!" she sulked as she headed for the door.

"Hey, don't sweat it." Oakley called after her. "The sun'll come out tomorrow!"

Oakley, Domino, Butch and Cassidy all laughed as Annie slammed the door on her way out.

* * *

The Detector raced across the bridge to Tunisia, the beginning of Africa for the Cannonballers who had gone via Greece.

"Looks like we get to see another sunrise." said Natalie.

"Yeah, and we won't burst into flames either." said Alex.

"You know, I think we should listen to some music to get our minds off the situation." said Dylan.

She turned on the radio.

**And the dark side's light,**  
**and the vampires roam.**

She turned it off again. "Let's wait until we reach Egypt." she said.

"Good idea." said Alex.

_"Just then, Team Bluth decided to see how the Angels were doing."_

The Ambitious pulled up alongside the Detector. Buster drove as mellow music played over the stereo.

"Hey there, Angels. Good to see you're back to normal." Buster chirped.

"Thanks, Buster. You're driving very well considering you have a hook." 99 said.

"It took me a while but I adjusted." smirked Buster. "Wanna hear some of this music?"

"The last tune we heard reminded us of our unfortunate condition for this continent." Alex grumbled.

"Ah, no sweat. This'll take your mind off it." Tobias said as Buster turned up the music and he and Tobias sung along to it.

"That's a good song." Dylan remarked. "What's it called."

"It's called 'A-Punk'." said Michael.

"Who's it by?" asked Alex as she raised an eyebrow suspiciously.

"A band called Vam...pire Weekend." Buster nervously finished.

_"Buster realised that he had, as Gob would no doubt say, made a huge mistake."_

The Angels looked a bit put out.

"Pass." said Natalie as she went to roll the Detector's window up.

"Angels, we're sorry! We weren't thinking!" Tobias protested.

"Well, they are a very good band." Alex admitted. "But I think you'll agree that we don't need to hear their music right now."

"Sorry." Buster said sheepishly.

"Just for that, you'll have to beat us into Africa if you want to stay ahead." Dylan smiled as she revved the Detector's engine.

"You're on." said Buster as he revved the Ambitious' engine in return. Within seconds, both cars raced off the line.

_"And so, as a new rivalry had apparently been born, the Cannonballers made their way to the next continent."_

The Detector got a good lead on the Ambitious as Buster tried to catch up.

_"The Cannonballers were now all determined to have some fun now that the vampire menace was finished."_

In the Detector, 99 parted her lips to reveal a pair of fangs.

_"Or was it?"_

TO BE CONTINUED


	8. I'm Taking The Trip to Dorajland

CANNONBALL RUN 7: HIGH SPEED HEROES by Bkelly and the Turbo Man.

Chapter 8: 'I'm taking the trip to Dorajland'.

DISCLAIMER: Once again, we own nothing. Big Kahuna Burger is the property of Quentin Tarantino and Chango Beer is that of Robert Rodriguez. I hope that no-one will be offended by their use in this story.

This chapter was written before recent events in the Central African Republic and any resemblance to real life events is unintentional.

* * *

Silent Bob slowly began to stir and wake up in the back seat of the Falcon. He groggily noticed Jay sitting next to him.

"About friggin' time you woke up, lunchbox!" Jay said. "And you should be grateful I did decide to haul your ass out of that base after the gas got you."

Bob smiled. He opened his mouth to ask a question, but Brodie, who was driving, cut him off.

"Don't worry. We've left Europe far behind." Brodie said. "We're currently in Tataouine."

"NOT Tatooine. Tataouine is this shitty city in south Tunisia. We're now in Africa." Jay added. "And we're continuing the race."

"Be careful the natives don't hear you insult the city, Jay." Brodie said.

"Why shouldn't I? It's too frackin' hot here! There are hardly any good roads and people keep tryin' to sell us water in jars!"

"What's wrong with that?" Brodie angrily asked.

"What's wrong with water? Fish screw in it, that's what!" Jay yelled.

Bob let out a loud whistle and both Brodie and Jay shut up.

"If I can get a word in, what happened to those jerks who kidnapped Stella and Rob?" Bob asked. "Should we worry about them?"

"They're far behind us, man." Brodie said. "Besides, I doubt that they can actually come up with a good plan, considering they thought Stella was someone else."

"Maybe." said Bob.

* * *

Back in the Italian military complex, Stingray laid next to the door to the office still unconscious and still gripping her handgun in her hand. The door had long been opened and the Cannonballers had long since left. Somewhere in the background, a sliding sound was heard, followed by a loud thump and another sliding sound.

Camaro staggered out of a hallway holding his head and wincing. He entered the main room as the sliding sound, thump, and other sliding sound were heard. He looked at Stingray and groaned. He then turned around and saw Charger lying on the floor with drool leaking from his mouth.

He heard the sliding sound, thump, and other sliding sound again and looked in the direction it had come from. He let out a sigh of disgust and walked over to AMX lying in the entrance of the elevator.

The sliding sound, thump, and other sliding sound were heard again as the elevator doors slid shut on AMX's head and reopened.

"Get up, you idiot." growled Camaro as he kicked AMX in the leg.

AMX started to get up, then the elevator doors closed on his head again. "Ow." he muttered.

Charger started to get back up and wiped the drool from his cheek. Stingray grabbed her head as she regained conciousness.

"Where are the Cannonballers?" asked Charger as he looked into the office.

"They got away." said Camaro. "Come on. We have to mobilize."

* * *

In the Caribbean island nation of San Esperito, American government agent Rico Rodriguez sat on the side of a hill overlooking the capital of Esperito City.

"It's a lovely city, isn't it?" he said to his companion. "It's improved much since the Revolution."

"Were you here before the Revolution?" asked his companion.

"During, actually." said Rico.

"Really?" she asked. "Did you take part?"

"A little." lied Rico. In actuality, he was virtually instrumental in the Revolution, stirring up civil unrest and allowing the guerilla fighters to overtake the government of the corrupt President Mendoza.

Rico's cell phone rang. "Hello?" he answered.

"Rico, you there?"

"Sheldon, to what do I owe this honor?" asked Rico.

"Have you heard of a country in Africa called Dorajland?" asked Tom Sheldon, Rico's field commander.

"Yes, formerly known as the Democratic Republic of the Congo." Rico remarked. "They recently made news when they allowed the participants of the Cannonball Run to pass through the country without trouble."

"We think something may be up." said Sheldon. "Are you near an airport?"

"There's one north of Esperito City." said Rico. "I can be there in maybe ten minutes. Meet you there?"

"We'll be waiting for you." said Sheldon.

Rico hung up his phone and said "I have to go to work. We'll have to continue this later."

"I see." she said. "Go take care of business. I shall see you later."

* * *

"Welcome back, viewers." said Veronica. "This is another Cannonball update to keep you informed."

"This Cannonball update is sponsored by Super Dave Osbourne." said Ron. "Instead of having us promote his wares on the air, he has opted to show us a public service announcement. And so, here it is."

The scene changed to Super Dave sitting in a white Ford Taurus parked on a racetrack.

"Hi, folks! Super Dave Osbourne here with a public service announcement. As you watch this amazing road trip, you may be tempted to take one of your own someday. I'm here to tell you that if you do so, even if you're just going across town, you should use the foremost safety feature in your car. This has been in every car since the sixties, but it requires user participation. That's rather unfortunate because not everyone uses them. I am of course talking about seat belts.

"Now, many people have various excuses for not wearing their seat belts and personally, I think those excuses are rather lame. First of all, some say they don't want to be trapped in the car in case of fire or water immersion. Come on. Fire and water immersion factor into maybe less than one percent of all accidents. Not only that, but wearing a seat belt in these accidents can help ensure that you're physically capable of escaping your burning or sinking car.

"Some say that seat belts are too confining. You're in a car. Everything is within arm's length. How far do you have to reach? Others say that seat belts are too uncomfortable. From personal experience, I can tell you that serious injuries are a lot less comfortable.

"Then, you have the putz who says he'd rather be thrown from the car. Let me take you back to high school physics. If you get thrown from a car after it crashes, you are now travelling at the same speed the car was going. Only now, you don't have the protection of a steel cage when you impact the pavement.

"With all of these facts, I can't see why you shouldn't wear your seat belt. Can you? In fact, to demonstrate the effectiveness of seat belts, I have arranged for Fuji to hit this very car with a significantly larger vehicle. I will be sitting in it wearing my seat belt. And here he comes right now."

Super Dave looked forward and froze in shock. "Oh God." he said.

Fuji promptly ran the Taurus over with a monster truck, flattening it.

"Can you imagine how much worse this could have been if I hadn't been wearing my seat belt?" asked Super Dave.

The PSA ended and the scene returned to the anchor desk.

"Well, I'm sure that's a lesson to us all." said Lazlow.

"Anyway, most of the Cannonballers have now passed beyond Tunisia and Libya and are now into the exotic country of Egypt. And word is that that's where Mr. Yates' African Puzzle Hunt begins." said Misty. "Here's hoping our racers will enjoy every success in the birthplace of man."

* * *

In the Libyan city of Tripoli, the Thunder Rodd had pulled up to a local franchise of Big Kahuna Burger so Team Looney Tunes could get some food.

"I hope this won't take long, Daffy." said Bugs. "We're one country behind so far."

"Well it's not my fault Taz eats very fast." said Daffy. "Don't worry. We'll catch up."

Daffy pulled the Thunder Rodd up to the speaker box of the drive-thru.

"Welcome to Big Kahuna Burger." said the clerk's voice. "May I take your order?"

"Yeah, we'll have a number 6, two number 4's and a number 18, please." Daffy said.

"Alright. That will be $14.82" the clerk said.

"Woohoo!" Daffy whooped.

"Please drive around to the delivery window."

Daffy drove the Thunder Rodd up to the delivery window where the clerk was finishing the preparation of their food. As it was done, he opened the window and handed the bag to Daffy.

"That's $14.82." the clerk said.

"Woohoo!" Daffy cheered.

The clerk gave him a strange look for a second.

"14." the clerk said.

"Woo!"

"82."

"Hoo!"

"14.82." the clerk repeated.

"Woohoo!" Daffy cheered again.

"82.14." the clerk said with a slight smile.

"Hoowoo!" Daffy cheered.

"28.41."

"Oohoow!" Daffy cheered.

"Well played, sir." the clerk smiled as he handed over the food and Daffy handed over the money and took the food.

"WOOHOO, WOOHOO, WOOHOO!" yelled Daffy as the Thunder Rodd sped off.

* * *

Elsewhere in the city, Garthe Knight and the three Pollution Ministers met with a group of soldiers from PALM.

These soldiers were grouped around a heavy-armoured GMC Topkick truck/personnel carrier. It looked like it could be a small version of Goliath, which was parked nearby. It had several weapons turrets attached to it and sliding doors for the soldiers to lean out of the side and the rear end and fire. It also had a roof-mounted cannon just above the cockpit and several ladders for the troops to climb up and take up firing positions on the roof.

Garthe addressed the lead soldier in their dialect.

"(So, Kuna recommended you personally?)" he asked.

"(Yes, Mr. Knight. With the HARV here, no-one dares challenge PALM's control of the roads of this continent.)"

"(HARV?)" asked Garthe in intrigue.

"(Heavy Armoured Raid Vehicle, sir.)" the officer replied. "(We have no doubt that with its' might, we can beat the Cannonballers.)"

"(Excellent.)" Yogostein announced, also speaking the African dialect. "(A few more attacks on the Cannonballers and that do-gooder Michael Knight will have no choice but to acknowledge you, Garthe.)"

"(Let us hope so.)" Garthe said. "(Have your people fully sorted out all the flaws with Goliath?)"

"(Yes!)" the three Ministers chorused.

"(And in case of emergency, KARR is safe in the trailer with another battalion of PALM soldiers to aid you.)" Kegaleisa added.

"(Then let's not dilly-dally any more.)" Garthe smirked as he headed towards Goliath and the group of soldiers climbed into the HARV.

* * *

"Ah, sunlight." said Savo as he stood outside a restaurant in Cairo. "So good to see you again."

"Oh, there he goes again." said Parfait. "You think he'd been living in a cave all his life."

"Give him a break." said Dice. "We just restored him from vampirism."

"Attention all Cannonballers." said Brock over the radio. "It has come to my attention that all of you are now in Africa. So, it is time to begin the Africa puzzle hunt. The first six to call in will be entered."

"Mmmm, the puzzle hunt." said Parfait.

"This is Team Viper calling for the puzzle hunt." Cole said over the radio.

"Should we?" asked Savo.

"This is-a Team Mario entering the puzzle hunt." said Mario over the radio.

"I dunno." said Dice. "Savo was turned into a dang vampire in Europe. Is he up to it now?"

"This is Priss entering the puzzle hunt." came over the radio.

"Why not?" asked Savo. "She was turned as well."

"This is Team Drake for the puzzle hunt." said The Drake over the radio.

"Oui, I suppose we could." said Parfait.

"This is Corey Howard calling to enter the puzzle hunt." said Corey over the radio.

Dice picked up the radio and said "This is Team Midnight Club entering the puzzle hunt."

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have our entrants in the puzzle hunt." said Brock over the radio. "Here is your first clue: Hopefully, you will do Great when you look into the original Pyramid scheme. Good luck."

"Original pyramid scheme." said Parfait. "Let's go over that and try to figure it out first."

"Let me try." said Savo. "I must prove I've still got it." He thought for a few seconds. "Okay. The closest thing any of the local tribes had to a pyramid scheme was the barter system put in place by the Bedouins. Their system had its base somewhere in southern Sudan. What that means for the next clue..."

"Guys!" said Dice. "We're in Egypt. Let's head for the Great Pyramid of Giza."

"I hope that's not too obvious." said Savo.

* * *

"I hope that Pyramid clue wasn't too obvious." said Brock as he sat in his office. George Sr. and Gob walked in.

"Mr. Yates, we have a problem." said George.

"Do I know you?" asked Brock.

"I'm George-Oscar Bluth." said Gob. "My brothers and brother-in-law are taking part in the race. This is my dad."

"Ah, yes." said Brock. "Team Bluth. What is this problem you speak of?"

"There's always been someone who tries to steal the prize money or bring harm to the Cannonballers." said George. "We have some information on this year's threat."

"It's Jimmy DeMarco." said Gob. "He's looking for revenge after you got him locked up two years ago. It was him who sent the Foyts to the party to stir things up."

"Needless to say, he's planning to escape from prison soon, if he hasn't already." said George. "He's also hired a crew to infiltrate the headquarters to steal the prize money."

"Catwoman." said Brock. "I know. We've already handled the threat."

"No, she was working completely independently." said Gob. "DeMarco has hired someone else."

"They might be at the hotel already." said George. "If that's not enough, they've also hired a group of bad guys to delay the Cannonballers."

"How did you get this information?" asked Brock.

"I (bleep)ed Janice Foyt." said Gob.

"The less I know about that, the better." said Brock.

"Well, what do you say?" asked George. "Will you take this warning seriously?"

"I guess so." said Brock.

* * *

At an airport in Niger, DeMarco stepped off a private plane, followed by Lester, Luther and Golem. Waiting for him on the tarmac were Yuri, Mr. Chairman, Dr. Badvibes, Lidell, and the Golden Lords.

"A curious conclave to aid me in my mission." DeMarco mused. "But much appreciated. Where's Big Boss, though?"

"He told me to deliver this message to you, sir." Badvibes said as he handed DeMarco a letter.

DeMarco looked at the letter, and within a few seconds looked outraged.

"He has Total Anarchy but won't hand it over!" he snapped.

"Yes, and furthermore, he wants nothing more to do with you or your plans for the Cannonball." Badvibes remarked. "He bailed Turbo and Buttons out of jail in Germany and is headed back to Empire City. I did point out to him the money you were offering, but he said I could tell you exactly what you could do with it."

"That bloated warthog!" yelled DeMarco as he screwed up the letter.

"Well, everybody knows he hates drugs, sir." Lester remarked. "So he's a sanctimonious fool as well."

"Well, if he thinks I'll sit by and let him reap the benefits of TA's power, he's sadly mistaken." DeMarco growled.

"No offence, man, but can we start making plans on what to do now that you're free?" asked Simon.

"How many Cannonballers have made it this far?" DeMarco asked.

"All of 'em. A lot of 'em are still in the north but a few are going through the Nubian desert. To 'see the scenery'." Lidell sarcastically remarked.

"And you guys prepped your cars for off-road capability?" asked Luther.

"Hell yeah." Goldilocks smirked.

"Well then, you go that way for now and take care of any racers you encounter." Lester ordered.

"Right." said Lidell and the Lords in unison as they headed for their cars.

DeMarco saw the Corvair that Lidell was driving and looked stunned.

"You're using that? Are you nuts?" he said.

"Hey, it's been pretty safe so far." Lidell said. "Besides you know how similar this car is to a Porsche 911."

"What was the codename you gave it again?" asked Mr. Chairman.

Lidell sighed. "The Death Trap. But I was being ironic."

"Yeah, well just watch out." Yuri said.

Lidell climbed into the Death Trap and the Lords got into the Hitman, both of which now had off-road wheels attached, and they drove off.

Yuri then turned his attention to Badvibes. "So why did you stay after Big Boss pulled out?"

"I want to try out some of my new inventions on the Cannonballers." smirked Badvibes. "Besides, Big Boss doesn't pay so well these days."

"Okay. The Killer Cars are making the journey here from Italy. They said they'd meet us in the Sudan. So everybody on the plane." DeMarco ordered.

"What about Total Anarchy?" asked Mr. Chairman.

"I'll make a phonecall and see what we can do." smirked DeMarco.

* * *

In Luxor, the Regalo had driven to a railway station, where the Capital waited for the Wacky Racers. Dick Dastardly and Muttley smugly stood with their arms folded as the Capital was being loaded into a cargo car of a train that was about to depart.

Ranger Smith narrowed his eyes.

"So what exactly is this all about, Dastardly?" he asked.

"Quite simple, Smitty." Dastardly smirked. "You guys thought you could annoy me by naming your team after those idiots whom I could never beat in the Wacky Races. But I've come up with a Wacky Race idea of my own that should put you in your place."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!" sniggered Muttley.

"You see, me and my group of villains are going to take this train from this end of the continent to the other." Dastardly continued. "We will be disembarking in Mozambique. If you guys want to prove you have what it takes to beat us in the Cannonball, you have to beat us there. In your car."

"A car versus a train? Non-stop?!" Quick Draw said in disbelief.

"Oh, of course you can stop for gas and all that." smirked Dastardly. "But the train journey should take a few days. So you'll really have to get the lead out if you expect to beat this challenge."

"And what are the conditions for the losers of the challenge?" asked Cindy.

"Well, my dear, apart from yourself obviously, the losing team has to dress in drag for the next continent."

"Ay carumba!" groaned Baba Louie.

"Don't worry, guys." Yogi whispered. He then addressed Dastardly.

"You're on, like 'Red Dawn', Dastardly." he said.

"WHAT?!" the rest of the Wacky Racers chorused.

"Well then, I'd get moving if I were you, you bruin bozo." Dastardly sneered. "Our train departs in ten minutes."

"Then, hey hey hey, we're on our way!" Cheered Yogi as he started up the Regalo's engine, performed a back wheel 180 and roared off.

"Gangway, people!" Yogi yelled as he honked the horn so some pedestrians could get out of the Regalo's way.

"Those idiots really think they have a chance." snorted Dastardly.

Muttley sniggered to himself again as he and his master boarded a passenger car to join the rest of their group.

* * *

In the Nigerian city of Lagos, Banner met with President Kante of Tanzania just after he had made a public appearance at his alma mater: the University of Lagos.

"So, you're from Tanzania but you went to college in Nigeria?" asked Banner.

"I know you're not here for small talk, Agent Banner." Kante replied. "And I'm sure that you understand that I'm a busy man, so can we 'cut to the chase' as they say in your country?"

"Very well then, Mr. President. You are no doubt aware that the infamous Cannonball Run is now going through this entire continent." Banner stated. "I know that in addition to being the new Tanzanian president, you have a large influence throughout all of Africa with your desire to clean up crime."

"So you want my aid in stopping the Cannonball?" asked Kante.

"Well, I know that you were once the most successful highway patrol officer in Tanzania with an impeccable arrest record." Banner added.

"True, but I'm not a complete hard-ass despite that." Kante said. "And frankly, since an illegal car rally pales in significance to most of the hardships faced in this continent on a day-to-day basis."

"Surely, Mr. President, you must realise the danger that the Cannonball Run represents." Banner protested.

"It is true that there is a lot of danger involved with the Cannonball Run." Kante said. "However, Agent Banner, I'm afraid that right now I simply cannot afford to lend the manpower required to help. You see, I have heard rumours that in the republic of Dorajland, the country formerly known as the Democratic Republic of the Congo before the old government was overthrown in a recent coup, there could be a terrorist cell secretly operating."

"Seriously?" asked Banner.

"I never joke about such things." Kante replied sternly. "The president of Dorajland is a good friend of mine, so the least I can do is to offer him my assistance in smoking these insurgents out. I think you will agree that such a thing takes precedence over an illegal road race, which has never caused any fatalities yet, need I remind you?"

Banner sighed to himself. "Alright, I understand. But I'm confident that my troops and I can handle this situation."

"I have no intention of stopping you as your jurisdiction is universal with regards to the Cannonball. But I hope I shall not have to clean up your mess."

You needn't worry sir. I have handpicked the best and the brightest of highway law enforcement from my country." said Banner. "Most of them are waiting outside."

Sure enough, outside the University were the Jawbreaker, Evenflow (which had now been fixed properly), Nightcrawler, and Starbreaker.

Victoria impatiently looked at her watch. "Where are those other guys?" she asked.

"Well, remember that Coltrane and the Justices had to go get a new car from the Candy Store." Willenholly reminded her.

"Yeah, well what excuse do Slater and Michaels have?" asked Bender. "They got the Speed Demon fixed back in Tunisia."

"Call them and see where they are." suggested Amos.

"Right." said Bender as he took out his cellphone.

About a mile or so up the road, the fully repaired Speed Demon drove along. Michaels sat in the passenger seat while Slater drove, with one hand on the steering wheel and the other holding a take-out coffee.

In its holder on the dashboard, Slater's cellphone rang.

He slowed the Speed Demon down, set the parking brake and answered the phone, keeping his coffee in his right hand.

"Hello? Yes, Sheriff Bender, we're on our way. We're about a mile from the college now." he said.

"Thank God you finally figured out how to program the GPS, you dumb shit." smirked Michaels.

"Can it!" Slater snapped. Hearing an angry outburst on the other end of the phone, he quickly added "No, not you, sir. My partner's just being a bit..."

In his slightly agitated state, Slater raised the hand that was holding his coffee and the lid came off it, spilling the hot beverage all over his uniform shirt.

"AHHHHH!" Slater yelped in pain as the hot coffee covered him.

In a panic, he undid his seatbelt and leapt out of the car.

"Hang on, buddy, I'm coming!" said Michaels as he undid his safety belt and got out to help his partner.

Slater tried to wipe the hot coffee off himself as Michaels came over with a moist towelette.

"There's no need to panic!" Michaels said as he helped his partner.

"You weren't the one who was nearly scalded!" Slater snapped as Michaels began to wipe the coffee off.

While this was happening, the Speed Demon's parking brake slipped and the blue Camaro started to roll off down the road, out of control.

"HEY!" Slater yelled as he noticed the car rolling off wihout them.

"Shit!" Yelled Michaels as he and Slater ran off after the runaway Speed Demon.

"Stop! Arretez! Alto! Whoa, mule!" Slater yelled as he and Michaels kept running after the Speed Demon.

At the university, Bender looked at his phone in confusion.

"What in tarnation are those assholes doing?" he asked.

Banner came down the steps of the building.

"It's no go as far as help from Kante goes, troops. So it looks like it's up to us again." he said.

"Brilliant." said Victoria sarcastically as she rolled her eyes.

"So let's get on the road and...what the hell?" Banner said suddenly.

The team looked and saw the Speed Demon rolling down the road out of control with Slater and Michaels chasing it. It rolled towards a park where some children were playing.

"Oh, shit! KIDS! LOOK OUT!" Michaels yelled.

"STOP, YOU VICIOUS BASTARD! STOP!" Slater yelled at the Speed Demon. Slater pulled out his gun and fired a few shots at the Speed Demon to try and make it stop.

The children looked shocked as one shot broke a window of a nearby store.

The owner came out of the store and looked in shock as the runaway car bumped up against an embankment near the park and came to a halt.

Slater got up to the Speed Demon and angrily set the parking brake again.

"Stay in Park, you asshole! STAY IN PARK OR I WILL FRIGGIN' BREAK YOU! YOU HEAR ME?!" he yelled as he also shut off the engine.

The store owner came over and yelled at him angrily in the native language.

"Hey, mister. It's okay! We're cops!" Michaels said in a placating tone as he caught up and flashed his badge. But the owner and the kids were still upset.

Banner and the rest of the enforcers came running over.

"Are you two crazy?!" yelled Willenholly.

"We just had a slight mishap." Slater said.

"A SLIGHT mishap!" said Amos as a truck drove past them. "Someone could have got killed! You were discharging your firearms..."

Banner growled. "WILL ALL OF YOU PLEASE JUST SHUT THE..."

The truck sounded its horn as it drove on.

"...UP!" Banner finished.

Kante watched all of this happen from the front steps of the University.

"The best and the brightest." he sighed as he rolled his eyes.

* * *

In a prison exercise yard in Duckburg...

"We gotta get outta here!" said Bigtime Beagle.

"Yeah!" said his four brothers.

"We gotta get outta here!" said Bigtime.

"Yeah!" said his brothers.

"We gotta get outta here and into Scrooge's money bin!" said Bigtime.

"YEAH!" yelled his brothers.

"But how do we get out of here?" asked Bankjob.

"Maybe we can spread chocolate on the walls and let Burger eat our way out." said Bouncer.

"Ooh, let's do that!" said Burger.

"Hey, what's that?" asked Babyface as he looked to the sky.

The other four looked up to see one of Yuri's Floating Discs above. The guards and other prisoners watched it in a deep panic.

"What is it?" asked Bankjob.

"Ooh!" said Burger. "It's a giant doughnut!"

The Disc fired a yellow beam at the Beagle Boys. They vanished and the Floating Disc flew away.

The Beagle Boys materialized onboard the Floating Disc. "We're free!" cheered Babyface.

"Now we can pay Scrooge a visit." said Bigtime.

"Not just yet!" yelled a woman. Everyone looked to see an older woman beagle.

"Ma!" yelled Bouncer.

"Where did you get this thing?" asked Bigtime.

"It was a present in exchange for your help." said Ma Beagle. "Someone somehow has a need for your particular talents."

"Who?" asked Bankjob.

"Him." said Ma Beagle as she turned on a nearby monitor.

DeMarco appeared on the monitor. "Beagle Boys, it's good to make your acquaintance." he said. "I have a job for you and I won't take 'no' for an answer."

* * *

Toulour got out of his limousine and looked over the Four Dragons Hotel. "So, this is the place." he said.

Inside, a man signed into the register. "I hope you enjoy your stay, Mr. Dunn." said the concierge.

"Thank you very much." said the man, David Dunn. "My family's been looking forward to this."

"So, what do you do in Philadelphia?" asked the concierge.

"Security guard." said Dunn.

Toulour walked into the lobby and looked around. Dunn stepped away from the desk and bumped into him. He suddenly had a vision of Toulour plotting the heist.

"Excuse me." said Toulour.

Dunn stared at him as he walked away.

Toulour walked past a room where the mechanics set up a call center. Skeeter answered the ringing phone in front of him. "Race Central." he said.

"Yeah, our car stopped." said James from Team Rocket on the other end.

"How do you mean?" asked Skeeter.

"It stopped." said James.

"What do you mean by 'it stopped'?" asked Skeeter.

"We were just driving along and the engine died." said James.

"How did it sound when it died?" asked Skeeter.

"It sounded like..." said James "...hold on, the boss wants to talk to you."

"Who is this?" asked Giovanni.

"This is..." said Skeeter.

"Look, I don't know who you think you are." said Giovanni. "But don't you dare tell my subordinates what to do! We'll try fixing the problem ourselves, thank you!"

"But I..." said Skeeter before hearing the call terminate. "Wanker."

He hung up the receiver. A second later, it rang again.

Skeeter picked up the phone again and said "Race central."

"Yes, our car seems to have stopped running." said Giovanni. "I hope you can help us get back on the road because the last idiot we talked to didn't know what he was talking about."

"No problem." said Skeeter. "I'll see if I can help. What happened?"

"We were driving along when the engine got quiet and stopped working." said Giovanni. "We brought it to the side of the road and I decided to call you."

"What does the fuel gauge say?" asked Skeeter.

"Um..." said Giovanni. "The needle is on 'E'."

"Okay, first you need to rotate your tires." said Skeeter. "You start by taking the right front tire and moving it to right rear. Then, you take right rear..."

* * *

The Angels took a break from driving at a gas station in Cairo.

"I hope this takes your mind off of what happened in Europe." said Natalie as she spread a map of Africa across the hood of the Detector.

"It should help. Thanks." said Dylan.

"Think this continent will be worse than the last one?" asked Natalie.

"Of course not." said Dylan. "I mean, how could it be?"

99 sat on a bench nearby as Alex walked over to her.

"It's sure nice to be able to see the sun again." said Alex.

"Yes, that's wonderful." said 99. "Hey, take a look at this."

She opened her mouth and revealed a pair of fangs. Alex jumped back in shock.

99 laughed and removed the fangs. "They look real, don't they?" she asked.

"Where did you get those?" asked Alex.

"A gift shop in Romania." said 99. "They really know how to cash in on Dracula's legacy."

Alex held out her hand and said "Give 'em to me."

99 handed the fangs to Alex reluctantly.

Alex promptly threw the fangs into the desert. "Too soon." she said.

The Megere and Ambitious sat nearby.

"Let me get this straight." said Darryl from the Megere's passenger seat. "In the Sahara, villages and their medical specialists are sometimes hundreds of miles apart?"

"That is correct." said a local.

"And a medivac can take hours?" asked Darryl.

"That is correct." said the local.

"And the medical facilities do not have state-of-the-art equipment?" asked Darryl.

"That is true." said the local.

"Then, starting now, I'm wearing my seatbelt." said Darryl as he fastened his seatbelt.

David climbed into the driver's seat. "Okay, we're on our way." he said.

"Great." said Darryl. "I'm going to rest up. Wake me when we reach Nigeria."

In the Ambitious, Michael took the wheel while Tobias took the shotgun seat. Buster sat directly behind him.

"So, who's up for a game of '20 Questions'?" asked Buster as he held up a Twenty Questions toy.

"Ooh, I am!" said Tobias. "Michael, would you like to join in the excitement?"

"No, I'm good." said Michael. "I think the drive through Africa is going to be exciting enough."

_"Yeah. Despite Michael's prediction, the journey through most of Egypt resulted in less-than-interesting footage. Even still photographs failed to provide worthwhile entertainment no matter what music was played over it."_

**Hold them down, our bleeding suspects.**  
**Just because, just cause, just who are you?**

Tony, Bam, and Torquenstein posed in front of the Tempest while an elephant's trunk leaned in the right side of the picture.

**By candlelight, burn, burn, burn baby.**  
**Burn, burn, whose turn? Who gets a taste today?**

Tony, Bam, and Torquenstein looked at the elephant in terror as it leaned into the picture.

**We've done nothing wrong.**  
**But we've done nothing.**  
**We can't look away.**

Cole climbed the Great Pyramid of Giza.

**But we're just looking.**  
**It's second nature to say.**  
**We've done nothing wrong.**

Joe looked over the clue while Westlake looked at the badly sunburned Cole in shock.

**Turn them off, our blacklist singers.**  
**Don't ask why, don't cry, don't make a scene.**

Jesse James, Body Drop, and Tombstone looked at the Ignition which was stuck in a roadside ditch.

**On 45, spin, spin, spin give in.**  
**Spin, spin. Who wins? Who's not afraid to play?**

The Ignition had been returned to the road, but Tombstone laid face-down in the ditch with his arms over his head.

**We've done nothing wrong.**  
**But we've done nothing.**  
**We can't look away.**

Priss stood with a group of African tribesmen as they taught her how to perform a tribal dance.

**But we're just looking.**  
**It's second nature to say.**  
**We've done nothing.**

Priss stood with the group of tribesmen as she taught them the Macarena.

**Done nothing but take what's handed down.**  
**Said nothing, but what's approved to shout.**

The Road Lord followed another car whose passenger took a picture of the car. Mason drove while Spike grabbed the top of the windscreen.

**We want to know that we own the cake we're eating,**  
**then spit it out.**  
**Out, out, out.**

A second picture was taken of the Road Lord. This time, Spike did a headstand in the passenger seat with his legs sticking through the roof.

**Hold them down, our bleeding suspects.**  
**Turn them off, our blacklist singers.**

Roger stood in front of a herd of ostriches as he tried to herd them into a pen.

**We've done nothing wrong.**  
**But we've done nothing.**  
**We can't look away.**

Roger ran from the stampeding herd of ostriches.

**But we're just looking.**  
**It's second nature to say.**  
**We've done nothing wrong.**

-"Nothing Wrong" by Jimmy Eat World.

_"Little did they know that things would change when the racers reached the aforementioned Dorajland. Gee. What are the odds of THAT?"_

* * *

The Panama pulled into a tribal village in Dorajland. The tribesmen gathered around the car as the NUMA personel climbed out.

"I wonder if these people know we came for their artifact?" said Gunn.

"We could tell them, but I don't speak their language." said Giordino.

"Excuse me, does anyone speak English?" asked Pitt.

"I do." said an older man with gray hair and a beard. "Of course, I am from the Land of Lincoln."

"So, what are you doing here?" asked Gunn.

"I'm with the Peace Corps." said the man. "After prospecting in the Sahara, running a diner in New Mexico, and sailing off of Korea, I thought it was time I gave something back. So, I volunteered and here I am. While we're on the subject, what brings you to this humble village?"

"We're on a search for a collection of artifacts." said Pitt. "We've been informed that one of the artifacts is in the possession of the tribal chief."

"It looks something like this." said Giordino as he presented the first artifact to the man.

"Ah yes, I've seen something like this." said the man. "I'll go see if I can convince him to give it to you."

"Thank you." said Pitt.

The man entered the chief's hut.

"So, what's this I hear about the government of Dorajland letting the Cannonballers through with no penalty?" asked Gunn.

"I heard the president is a huge fan of the Cannonball." said Pitt.

"Maybe he'd be interested in running one of your classic cars in the race?" asked Giordino.

"Well, he's gonna have to talk with me first." said Pitt.

"Well, I'm sure we can arrange an audience with him." said Giordino.

The man exited the hut with an artifact similar to the one the NUMA agents had.

"That was easier than I thought it would be." he said. "He said that the artifact is cursed. Soon after it arrived in the village, the first coup occured. After that, it's been a long string of wars and bloodshed all in the name of power."

"Ouch." said Giordino.

"'Ouch' is right." said the man. "The latest man to rise to power is backed up by a man with sinister intentions. They say he is planning the next coup in the country as a start to world domination."

"Please tell me you're kidding." said Gunn.

"I wish I was." said the man. "You've probably heard he's allowing the Cannonballers through without issuing tickets. He's actually just baiting them so they can be captured and held for ransom. Look, the longer you stay here, the more in danger you are. You can go now."

"Thanks." said Pitt.

"Good luck to you, Mr..." said the man. "...I'm sorry, I didn't get your names."

"Dirk Pitt, Al Giordino, and Rudi Gunn." said Pitt. "Speaking of which, we never learned yours."

"It's Clive Cussler." said the man.

"Thanks again." said Pitt as he waved and climbed back into the Panama.

* * *

Skeeter waited patiently on the phone. Seconds later, Giovanni picked up. "Okay, the last of the tires has been placed." he said. "I must admit that was not a pleasant task. What's next?"

"Okay, I want you to listen carefully." said Skeeter. "First of all, I was the 'idiot' you talked to on the phone earlier. Second of all, someone who doesn't realize that cars need fuel to run shouldn't be commenting on someone else's intelligence."

"Huh?" said Giovanni. "But I..."

"Have a nice day." said Skeeter before hanging up.

* * *

Elsewhere in Dorajland, Mortimer drove the Wisdom while Bob woke up in the back seat.

"Well, I'm completely rested." said Bob. "I think I can handle my share of the driving duties now."

"Hey, you can go back to sleep if you want." said Mortimer. "Because I am DIGGING this!"

"What's with him all of a sudden?" asked Bob.

"We used another of our devices." said Bella. "It's called the ReNuYuSenso Orb. It can alter a person's aspiration instantly."

"Really?" asked Bob. "Tell me more."

"We used it to change Mortimer from a Knowledge type to a Pleasure type." said Bella. "We can change someone from any type to any other type."

"Can I try it?" asked Bob.

"By all means." said Bella. "Just insert your head into the ring and push the button."

Bob followed Bella's instructions while the Wisdom approached a pair of metal poles.

"What are those things?" asked Mortimer.

"They look like electrical towers without cables." said Bella.

"They look harmless enough." said Mortimer.

Just as Mortimer tried to drive between the poles, a set of laser beams fired from one to the other.

"Mortimer!" yelled Bella.

Mortimer hit the brakes, but still impacted the laser beams.

"Back it up! Back it up!" said Mortimer as he threw the van into reverse.

Bob twitched in the Orb as the van backed out of the beams.

"Are you okay?" asked Bella.

"Yes." said Mortimer. "I'll inspect the damage, you check on Bob."

Mortimer got out and checked the front of the Wisdom. "Damage appears to be kept to a minimum." he said.

"I hear engines." said Bella.

"There must be Cannonballers approaching." said Mortimer. "We have to warn them."

He stood in the road and started waving his hands. Up the road, the Megere and Ambitious drove along.

In the Megere, Darryl still slept.

"I wonder what Darryl dreams about." said Elizabeth.

"I dunno." said David. "Maybe he dreams about talking to dead people and he gains insight from them."

"Maybe." said Elizabeth. "Maybe he dreams about talking with other mediums around the world."

"Possibly." said David. "Maybe he dreams about going on stage at a high school pep rally and dancing."

Elizabeth laughed. "Maybe he dreams of a forest with glass trees." she said.

_"In the Ambitious, Buster still played with the Twenty Questions device his sister Lindsey had gotten him."_

"I can read you like a book." said Buster as he read the LED screen. "Is it used for recreation?"

"Yes." said Tobias.

Buster pushed the Yes button and read the next question. "Is it hard?"

"Sometimes." said Tobias. Michael shot him a concerned look.

Buster pushed the appropriate button and read the next question. "Does it get wet?"

"Yes, it does." said Tobias. Michael's eyes widened in shock.

_"Unlike the toy, Michael didn't need twenty questions to figure out what Tobias was thinking of."_

"I will take a guess." said Buster as he read the screen. "Is it a..." he said before yelping and tossing the device into Tobias' lap.

Tobias picked up the toy and looked at the screen. "Hmm, why did it think that?" he asked.

The two cars rounded the turn and the drivers saw Mortimer waving his hands.

Elizabeth screamed as David hit the brakes.

"Brace yourselves!" yelled Michael as he too hit the brakes.

_"Michael and Tobias had their seatbelts on, but Buster was unable to fasten his because of his hook. So, he tried to grab onto the closest secure object. Unfortunately, what he grabbed wasn't secure in any sense of the word."_

Buster wrapped his arms around the front passenger seat and impaled Tobias' shoulder with his hook. Tobias let out a bloodcurdling scream.

The two cars came to rest safely in front of the laser fence.

"What were you screaming for?" asked David. "You're least likely to be injured in a wreck."

Darryl started to wake up as Elizabeth tried to compose herself.

"Sorry, you alright?" asked David.

"Yeah, just brought back some bad memories." said Elizabeth.

_"Meanwhile, Michael found himself trying to undo yet another family member's mess."_

"Hold still, Tobias." said Michael as he tried to remove Buster's hook from Tobias' shoulder. "Just hold still and I'll have this out."

"I AM holding still." whined Tobias. "Good grief, Michael. How long can it possibly take to pull it out?"

"Tobias, that's not helping!" snapped Michael. Finally, he was able to remove Buster's hook from the shoulder. "There, it's out. Doesn't that feel good?" asked Michael.

Tobias nodded, then turned around and yelled "Buster, you (bleep)ing (bleep)head (bleep)ing (bleep) (bleep) son of a (bleep)!"

"Well, excuse me for living!" yelled Buster as he climbed out of the car.

Michael and Tobias climbed out of the Ambitious as well. David and Darryl opened the doors to the Megere and climbed out. Elizabeth, on the other hand, just stood up and walked through the car's bodywork.

"What's going on here?" asked David.

Tobias held his bleeding shoulder and asked "Who wants to take me to the hospital?"

"What's up?" asked Darryl.

"Well, we saw the two poles there." said Mortimer. "And I tried to drive between them, believing them to be safe. Long story short, I've made a huge mistake."

_"Hey, he knows Gob's catch phrase!"_

"I think someone doesn't want us to be racing through here." said David.

"How can we get through safely?" asked Michael.

"If I recall correctly," said Tobias "two years ago, another field of Cannonballers faced a similar problem. They decided to band together into a convoy for protection and made it through the Asian continent safely."

"That's not actually a bad idea." said Elizabeth.

"I think he's got a point." said Darryl.

"I second that." said Mortimer. "All in favor?"

David, Darryl, Elizabeth, Michael, Tobias, and Buster all raised their hands.

"Fine then, a convoy it is." said Mortimer.

The Cannonballers all returned to their cars. As Mortimer got into the Wisdom, Bella pulled him aside.

"Mortimer, we have a problem with Bob." she said.

"What's that?" asked Mortimer.

"He was using the ReNuYuSenso Orb when we hit the fence." said Bella. "It seems to have had a rather detrimental effect."

"Define 'detrimental'." said Mortimer.

"Does anyone have a grilled cheese?" asked Bob.

"Oh crud." said Mortimer.

* * *

At a roadside somewhere in Cameroon, Roscoe and the Justices sat in a white 1990 Nissan 300ZX, with a radar gun poised to catch out speeders.

"I ain't so sure about these Japanese cars." Buford said to Banner over their radio. "Are you sure it can do the job?"

"The Euros belonged to one of the most notorious drug barons in San Diego, Buford." Banner said. "He used it to make drug runs and was damn near unstoppable in it."

"So how'd the guy get caught then?" asked Buford in confusion.

"He forgot to fill the gas tank all the way up when moving one shipment across the border from Mexico." Banner replied.

"Figures." Roscoe remarked as Junior kept an eye oon the road. Just then, the Averse roared past them, with Willy at the wheel and the rest of his team cheering loudly.

Junior looked at the readout in shock. "170 miles an hour! They might as well tap us on the shoulder and say 'screw you'!"

Buford smirked as he started the Euros up. "That guy drivin' will find out plenty about bein' screwed when we catch 'im!"

Willy drove the Averse as fast as it would go up a hillside turn when he noticed that the Euros was on their tail.

"That doesn't look good." he commented.

"Maybe we can talk our way out of it." said Charlie.

"With you in the car? And Bill? If they think he's a kid as well, I could get charged with child endangerment for the both of you!" Willy replied.

"Then let's lose them, Willy!" Grandpa Joe cajoled.

"No problem." said Willy as he weaved in and out of some traffic that was on the road ahead of them, with the Euros keeping up.

"Shit! They must have a real Steve McQueen at the wheel!" Roscoe said as Buford weaved around the other cars on the road in an attempt to keep up.

"In that weird outfit he looks like some kind of queen, anyway!" Buford smirked.

"He's still with us, Willy." said Charlie. "Do we have nitrous."

"Yes, but nitrous is for lamers." Willy said. "With me at the wheel, we run on raw power!"

Willy quickly turned the wheel to the right and drove off on a dirt road at high speed. Buford quickly turned the Euros around onto the same road and got after him.

With Willy keeping his foot to the floor, the Averse gained a good bit of ground on the Euros as they sped through the rough country.

The Averse was kicking up a large amount of dust on its' way, which helped a bit.

But Buford was still able to follow over the rough country by tracking the purple Renault's tyre tracks.

"This could be problematic." Grandpa Joe remarked.

Eventually, Willy drove the Averse back onto the highway and weaved through some oncoming traffic as the Euros fought to catch up.

As he swerved around an RV going the same direction he was, the Averse got into an oncoming lane...and saw the Supernova XS coming right at them.

"SHIT!" yelled Marcus at the wheel.

"Oh dear!" said Willy in a casual but concerned way as the two cars were almost on each other.

At the last minute, Willy swerved back into his lane. Just before he did, though, Marcus frantically turned the Supernova's wheel to the left and drove off the highway and off the edge of an embankment.

The orange Plymouth soared several feet in the air with both Marcus and Nick yelling in terror. As the car landed hard on the ground, Nick's gun fell out of their luggage and started firing a few shots. Luckily, none of them hit the two cops, but it did scare them and the windows and roof of the Supernova were shot up.

"Haven't you heard of a safety catch!" Marcus yelled as he brought the Supernova to a stop.

"It's not my fault I wasn't issued a revolver." Nick said sheepishly as the gun ceased firing.

"I think that was Nick and Marcus, Willy!" said Grandpa Joe.

"We'll check on them in a minute." Willy remarked as he saw the Euros in the distance, trying to catch up.

"NOW I think we should use nitrous." said Charlie. Bill nodded in agreement.

"Okay." said Willy as he activated the nitrous boost and shot ahead.

As the shot's effect ceased, Willy saw a farmhouse off to the side of the road. It was a large house and looked like the backyard would hide them perfectly.

"Jackpot!" Willy smirked as he drove off the highway, around the side of the farmhouse and around its back.

Willy shut the engine off and the team watched expectantly.

Sure enough, the Euros roared right past the farmhouse with Buford still keeping his eyes on the road ahead.

"SUMBITCH!" Buford yelled as he had lost sight of Team Wonka.

Roscoe took his hat off and hit the Euros' dashboard with it.

"Unstoppable drug baron my ass!" he said. "Were the Mexicans driving Yugos or something?!"

"Roscoe, shut your damn piehole!" Buford snapped.

"ALRIGHT!" yelled Charlie in triumph.

"I think that calls for a Wonka Double Bubble Burpo Cola." said Willy as he reached into a cooler full of soft drinks.

Bill whispered in Grandpa Joe's ear.

"Bill thinks we should check on Nick and Marcus first." Grandpa Joe reported.

"I guess you have a point there." Willy nodded.

* * *

The Destroyer sped across the Nubian desert. The Baroness was now at the wheel and enjoying the brief lead she and Destro had gained immensely.

"It's a wonderful feeling to be in the driver's seat when you're close to victory!" She laughed.

"And you handle the situation well, my dear." Destro replied as the Destroyer roared across the terrain at nearly 200 mph.

As they made a sharp turn, the Hitman and the Death Trap pulled out from each side of the road and drove after them.

"Alright! Here we go!" laughed Simon as he activated the guns on the hood of the Hitman and Lidell leaned out his window and fired his pistol.

"Insolent oafs!" the Baroness snarled as she pressed a button on the Destroyer's dashboard.

A protective bulletproof canopy closed over the passenger compartment of the car. The bullets harmlessly deflected off of it.

"HEY! That's cheating!" yelled Digit.

"Then we force 'em off the damn road!" Lidell said as both cars activated their nitrous shots and got right on the Destroyer's back bumper.

"These fools don't know when to give up, my dear Baroness." Destro remarked.

"Then, I shall teach them, my love." the Baroness replied as she sped up the Destroyer and suddenly hung a 180.

The Destroyer started driving backwards down the road, with the front end facing their two pursuers.

"What the hell?" asked Uzi.

The Baroness continued driving backwards, and then suddenly put the car back into drive and aimed for the Hitman's front end.

"SHIT!" yelled Simon as he swerved to avoid a head-on collision. He ended up mounting the side of the road and causing the Hitman to flip over in the air and come crashing down.

The gold Mercury was smashed into junk. While this was happening, Lidell was taken by surprise as well and also was nearly hit by the Destroyer as it drove forwards at great speed. He quickly changed lanes, but ended up hitting the side of the wrecked Hitman.

The Baroness laughed uproariously as she turned a 180 again and drove the Destroyer off through the desert and far away from their would-be pursuers.

"It figures that it would take a person with sophistication to beat you idiots!" she laughed. "Especially a lady! HA, HA, HA!"

"COBRA!" both she and Destro yelled in triumph.

Lidell climbed out of the Death Trap to survey the damage. As he did, Digit angrily ripped the door off the Hitman and he and the other battered Golden Lords climbed out.

Simon glared at Lidell.

"Got any more bright ideas?" he sarcastically asked.

* * *

Back at the Four Dragons, Blue Falcon, Dynomutt and Batgirl walked along.

"I still think that there should be a security camera outside the vault now." Batgirl said.

"Relax, B.G. With the security we had put in after Catwoman broke in, there ain't no way anyone can break in." Dynomutt said.

"I hope you're right." Batgirl said uncertainly.

As they came to an intersection of corridors, they noticed a female technician removing the cover from an air duct.

"Excuse me?" Blue Falcon asked in surprise.

The technician turned to face them, showing her nametag which read 'Jane Gillis'.

"It's okay, sir." she said. "I'm with the Cool Breeze Air-Con company. We service this hotel."

"You're not the usual technician." Blue Falcon remarked.

"He called in sick." the technician replied. "Luckily, I finished up my job at the Camel's Toe and was able to come over."

"Okay." Falcon nodded. "What's wrong with that duct?"

"Weird smell coming from it, sir." she added. "I think there might be a dead rat in it or something. But I'll handle it."

"Okay. We won't keep you any longer." Batgirl nodded in approval as she and her companions walked away.

As soon as they were out of sight, the technician removed her cap and untied her hair. She revealed herself to be Nightshade.

"Here we go." she smirked as she consulted a pad that Bulletproof had earlier given her and climbed into the vent shaft.

* * *

The express train that Dick Dastardly and his villains were riding had just passed through the city of Fada in Chad.

Dastardly, Boris, Natasha, Fearless Leader and Snidely all reclined in their seats and enjoyed ice-cold glasses of Chango beer, while Muttley slept at Dastrardly's feet.

"I wonder what Muttley dreams about." Snidely remarked.

"Mostly about being some kind of hero or meeting the female of his breed." Dastardly remarked. "Whatever that is."

"You don't know what breed he is?" asked Natasha as she raised an eyebrow.

"I think he's part bloodhound and part boxer." Dick mused.

"What is he mostly?" asked Boris.

"Bark." replied Dick as he sipped his beer. "Ahhh, wonderful. This hole in the wall bar in Mexico only had warm Chango. It's great to drink it chilled like it was meant to be."

"Is it really wise to be this relaxed?" asked Fearless Leader.

"It's in the bag." Dick replied. "There's no way that gluttonous moron Yogi can beat us like this."

Snidely idly glanced out his window, and then looked shocked.

"Are you sure about that?" he asked.

On a stretch of road running parallel to the train tracks, the Regalo ran at its top speed. Yogi occasionally sent sprays of nitrous into the engine to give the Wacky Racers a brief advantage.

Yogi had an intense but focused look on his face. The rest of the Wacky Racers, however, looked afraid for their lives.

"YOGI! Slow down for Pete's sake! we want to still be alive at the end of the Cannonball!" yelled Ranger Smith, who was as white as a sheet.

"It's okay. I've got this!" Yogi replied.

The rest of Dick's Villains' Society team (except Muttley) were now at the train's window, watching in awe as the Regalo ran for all it was worth.

Dick glanced up ahead of them and smirked.

"He'll not be bothering us for a while. HEHHEHHEHHEH!" he chuckled.

The train came up to a bridge that crossed over a ravine with a long dried-up river at the bottom.

Yogi slammed on the Regalo's brakes as he saw there was no crossing.

Dastardly gave a smirk and a mock salute out of the window.

As he and his villains sat down again, Yogi started the Regalo back up again and went across country to the right of the ravine, keeping one eye fixed on the Regalo's GPS. About two miles down the road, he saw a broken bridge that would have allowed a car to go across if it was complete.

Huckleberry's eyes nearly popped out. "You're not thinkin'..." he began.

"Ah sure am, boy." said Yogi, putting on a Southern accent.

"Are you loco?!" Baba Louie demanded.

"Ever hear of Evel Kneivel?" Yogi asked mischeviously as he backed the Regalo up a bit.

He revved the engine and performed a burnout towards the bridge.

Cindy was unafraid and held up her iPod with the speaker turned on.

"GERONIMO!" Yogi yelled as he hit the nitrous again.

The Regalo soared over the gap in the bridge and landed safely on the other side. Cindy's iPod blared out the 'Star Wars' theme as both she and Yogi whooped with joy as they cleared the gap.

As the Regalo landed on the other side, Yogi turned the steering wheel and followed the route shown by the GPS to catch up with the train.

* * *

A guide showed a group of tourists around the Four Dragons. She had just lead them up to the corridor leading to the vault.

"As you may know, the Four Dragons is hosting the Cannonball Run this year." she said cheerily. "That vault there is where the prize money is being kept for this year. I know you've heard that a theft was attempted if you were watching on TV. But the system has been updated and it is now impossible to gain entry."

Toulour was among the group and had hung a camera around his neck to look more like a tourist.

"Is there a regular security patrol?" he asked.

"Yes there is. And as you can see, outside the vault we have both a pressure pad floor and infrared beams." the guide said. "It takes a special keycard to deactivate them. And needless to say, I'm not letting you know how the inside of the vault is protected."

The guests laughed in good humour, including Toulour as he kept his act up. He was already trying to spot weak points in the security measures.

A little way behind him, David Dunn kept his eye on him, making sure he wouldn't try anything.

Neither of them knew that above them in the air vents, Nightshade had been crawling through. She had already taken note of the security measures outside the vault and was now in a different section of vent inside the vault itself.

Using special goggles, she took note of more infrared beams surrounding the huge pile of money. The money was being held in place by a huge, thick titanium bar which had been locked over the mound of money. She saw that there was a pressure pad floor in the vault as well.

"Somebody certainly wanted to make my job interesting." she mused to herself. "I think I know how to move the money to the secure location now. I just hope an opportunity arises."

* * *

On a highway between Wau and Juba in the Southern Sudan, Shrek drove the Licorne fast down the highway while wearing the Fury mask.

Fiona was in the passenger seat and had the window open, enjoying the wind blowing in her hair.

"Thank God there's no sand blowing in here yet." Donkey mumbled.

Shrek suddenly looked a bit unsettled about something. "Team, I'm getting that feeling that danger is near yet again." he announced.

"What is it, Capitan?" asked Puss.

The team heard the roar of a heavily horsepowered diesel engine and a loud air horn.

Donkey looked behind them and saw the HARV coming up behind them, with the PALM soldiers ready to attack.

"I think that's them." he gulped.

At the wheel of the HARV, the driver spoke into a radio connected to Goliath.

"(Cannonballers in sight, Mr. Knight. We are going on the offensive now!)" he announced.

"(Take them alive. I want hostages to draw Michael Knight out.)" Garthe replied.

"(Understood.)" the driver replied. "(Over and out.)"

The driver pressed the button on the dashboard that sounded an alarm and the PALM soldiers in the rear and on the roof took up their positions at their weapons.

"Aw, hell no!" Donkey groaned as the cannon above the HARV's cockpit was trained on them.

"Darling, time to activate defence procedures!" Shrek said stoicly.

"Right!" nodded Fiona. "Puss, you get in beside the captain and get the driver side door."

"With pleasure, princess!" Puss said as he climbed in beside Shrek and opened the driver-side door out a bit. Fiona did the same with the passenger-side door.

Both of them pressed down on the door-lock knobs and secret panels opened up in the two doors showing hidden guns.

Fiona and Puss pressed hidden triggers on the door handles and started to open fire on the HARV as it tried to ram them from behind.

Shrek had hit a button on the dashboard and kevlar plates had closed over the rear windows of the Licorne.

Donkey smirked a bit. "Nice job Skeeter did. A little bit 007 and a little bit A-Team."

The PALM soldiers on the HARV concentrated heavy fire on the Licorne from their assault rifles and from the gun mounted above the cockpit. Some damage was inflicted on the Licorne but not much.

"(Take those bastards out!)" The PALM C.O. yelled.

"(What does it look like we're doing?!)" one soldier yelled back.

"(Everybody back inside! Let's see how they like the cannon.)" the C.O. replied. He flicked a switch and the radiator of the HARV opened up to reveal a combination minigun and mortar cannon. The rest of the soldiers climbed back in through their hatches as their commander initiated the attack.

Shrek used the powers of Fury to move the Licorne around the road with cat-like reflexes to avoid the fire coming from the cannon.

"YEAH! How d'ya like them apples, ya Road Warrior rejects!" Donkey yelled in triumph as the HARV started to take strong damage from the Licorne's door guns.

The HARV attempted to ram them again but Shrek moved the old Nissan around to the HARV's left side again so Fiona could concentrate fire on its' tyres.

"(See how you like this, vermin!)" one soldier smirked as he and his comrade leaned out the side hatch as Fiona's half-open door came up beside them.

Before she could fire, one of them threw a smoke grenade onto the road. The smoke temporarily blinded Fiona and then the two PALM soldiers reached in, undid her seatbelt and yanked her into the HARV.

"HEY!" Fiona yelled.

Shrek looked furious. "NOBODY MESSES WITH MY WOMAN!" he boomed. as he moved over to the passenger side.

"Donkey, take the wheel!" Puss yelled. "I've got the pedals!"

"Finally, I get in on some action!" Donkey smirked as he climbed in the front and took the wheel.

"Closer! Closer!" Shrek said warily as Donkey moved the Licorne closer to the HARV.

When it was close enough, Shrek jumped from the Licorne into the HARV. As he pulled the side hatch shut behind him, he signalled for Puss and Donkey to back off.

As the Licorne backed off, the HARV began to swerve wildly all over the road. As Puss and Donkey watched, large dents started to appear in the armoured body of the HARV. The dents were made from inside.

Eventually, the HARV drifted over to the side of the road and made a complete stop.

Puss and Donkey brought the Licorne to a halt next to it.

"CAPTAIN! PRINCESS!" yelled Donkey.

The side hatch of the HARV was pushed open. Both Shrek and Fiona stood in the doorway, each holding an unconscious PALM soldier. As Donkey and Puss looked at the interior of the PALM attack vehicle they saw that all of the soldiers had been beaten to a pulp and knocked out by Captain Fury and Fiona.

"Thanks for the help, honey." Fiona said as she leaned over and gave Shrek a peck on the cheek. "But I had it under control. These creeps needed taught how to treat a lady."

Shrek looked at the soldier he was holding and saw the PALM emblem on his uniform.

"I think Michael Knight said something about this outfit." he said. "Get on the horn and call him. And Richard and those other V.S.S.E. guys as well. We may need them."

"Roger!" said Donkey as he returned to the Licorne. As he did, he heard a hissing noise. Concerned, he looked at the Licorne's hood.

"Um, Shrek. We may have to call Brock as well." Donkey said sheepishly.

"Why?" asked Shrek.

Donkey used his hoof to point to the Licorne's hood. The rest of Team Fury went over to it and saw that a few stray bullets had actually penetrated the hood...and had done damage to the engine. It was now starting to steam. Some fluid was leaking from the radiator as well.

"Santa Maria!" Puss groaned as he palmed his forehead.

"CAPTAIN!" groaned Fiona.

"Well, nobody's perfect." shrugged Shrek.

* * *

Back in Cameroon, Team Wonka checked on Nick and Marcus.

Currently, Marcus screamed his head off at Willy.

"Easy! I just wanted to know if you were okay." Willy said in a placating tone.

"NO, I'M NOT OKAY!" Marcus yelled. "ARE YOU CRAZY WITH WHAT YOU DID BACK THERE?"

"You didn't have to go off the road. I got back into my lane in plenty of time." Willy said.

"BULLSHIT!" Marcus yelled. "I know time! We would've had a head-on collision."

"Well, we didn't, did we?" asked Grandpa Joe.

"That's not the point!" Marcus yelled. "Our car could've been wrecked. There was a mishap with my partner's gun..."

"MARCUS! Calm the hell down!" Nick said. "They came back to check if we were okay and apologised, so I think we should cut them some slack."

Marcus took a couple of deep breaths and raised a hand.

"OKay. I'm sorry I yelled at you, Willy." Marcus said. "But please be careful in the future, okay?"

"No problem." said Willy. "Charlie, do you want to take over for a while?"

"Sure. It'll be great to see some action at last." said Charlie as he climbed into the Averse's driver seat.

"Hey, Charlie. I know this is a race but try and watch your speed." said Nick. "I'm just a bit worried about the car getting its speed into triple digits with a minor behind the wheel."

"Okay. I'll try and keep it in the high 90s." Charlie smirked.

"Right." said Marcus, uneasily.

* * *

In the Northern Sudan, DeMarco angrily finished taking a call from Lidell explaning his failure.

"Typical. Those idiots bungled it!" DeMarco growled as he closed his cellphone in disgust.

He turned his attention to Stingray, Charger, and AMX who stood outside a small bar.

"I hope you guys can make a difference now you've finally got here." DeMarco added.

"You can count on us, sir." said AMX.

Yuri noted the Camaro parked nearby. "Where's your fourth guy?"

"He had to use the bathroom." said Stingray as she nodded towards the bar.

Just then, a 2007 Saleen S281 Extreme police cruiser drove up. Mr. Chairman looked a bit confused, mainly because the motto on the cruiser read 'To Punish and Enslave' rather than 'To Protect and Serve'.

Dr. Badvibes climbed out of the cruiser.

"Report." DeMarco stated.

"I have two valuable pieces of equipment here that will be of aid to us in the foreseeable future." said Badvibes. He made a grand gesture to the passenger side of the cruiser.

"Here is one of them." he announced triumphantly.

The cruiser's passenger-side door opened and the cruiser raised up, indicating that someone...or something...very heavy was getting out.

DeMarco, Chairman, Yuri and the three Killer Cars stared in awe as a seven-foot tall robot with glowing red eyes and a Frankenstein-shaped head climbed out and let out a low roar.

"Meet the A.B.C. Robot." Badvibes remarked. "Strong, obedient, ruthless, just like the Wasp Droids but with a bit more oomph."

"Can it handle itself?" asked Chairman.

"Watch and learn." Badvibes smirked.

The A.B.C. Robot marched over to the parked Camaro. It immediately started to pound the car with its massive fists, using great speed despite its apparent sluggishness. Within seconds, the Camaro had been reduced to scrap metal. The robot made a fist with its right hand and a group of small gunports opened up behind its knuckles.

The robot growled in triumph as it fired a hail of bullets into the remains of the Camaro, reducing it to a flaming hulk.

"Impressive." smirked Yuri.

Camaro came rushing out of the bar. "I heard gunfire. What'd I miss?"

He then noticed what was left of his car and the A.B.C. Robot standing over it triumphantly.

"Oh my God!" he yelled, starting to burst into tears.

"Looks like you'll be riding with me, buddy." Charger said in a commiserating way.

"What's the other piece of equipment?" asked DeMarco.

"The cop car, here. It has a nice little secret." Badvibes remarked.

"Less of the 'it', human! And it's not so 'nice' either!" growled an aggressive, mechanical-sounding voice.

Everyone looked stunned as it seemed to come from the police cruiser.

"You are shitting me." DeMarco said, stunned. "You actually found one!"

"Indeed yes." Badvibes grinned.

"One what?" asked Chairman.

"You'll soon see." DeMarco chuckled. "The Cannonballers are as good as toast now!" He laughed uproariouisly with malice.

* * *

The Detector drove through the Tibesti Mountains in Northern Chad. As Dylan drove her team past a lay-by at legal speeds (due to the danger of the mountains) the Evenflow sat waiting.

As the Detector passed her, Victoria smiled and pressed a button on her dashboard.

From a nozzle on her radiator, a gel-like substance was shot out and hit the rear fender of the Detector, almost as if the Evenflow had 'sneezed' on the Detector. Team Angels didn't notice it. Nor did they notice that tiny signal bulbs were flashing in the gel.

Victoria picked up her CB. "Banner, the tracker gel is in place on a Cannonballer's car. You should be viweing their progress and speed now."

"That's a roger, Ms. Crown." Banner replied.

"I'm going after them. I'll stick to them like glue." Victoria added. "The minute they start ignoring speed limit signs, you'll know. You can send back-up now if you want."

"Perfect. We'll nail their asses to the wall this time!" Banner gloated as the Evenflow started up and followed the Detector.

* * *

As the Rumor crossed into the Central African Republic, Lazlow interviewed Dom and Brian.

"Has the race been going well for you guys so far?" asked Lazlow. "I have a feeling that a challenge like this would be a walk in the park for a team of seasoned street racers like you."

"Well, it's been a bit boring in places I admit." said Dom. "We're hoping some action can pick up now. Especially now we've got a full supply of NOS."

"You'll never let me forget that, will ya?!" snapped Vince as he slammed shut a laptop he was looking at in the back seat.

"Easy, bro. Don't break the laptop." said Brian.

"I would rather have broken it than see what I just saw!" Vince snarled.

"What's the prob, Vince?" asked Lazlow.

"Well, let's see." Vince began angrily. "I've been humiliated and chewed out at just about every turn in this Cannonball so far, and just there I watched the fifth movie in that franchise based on our adventures on Netflix."

"Oh, right." said Lazlow, understandingly. "For what it's worth, I hated that the movie killed you off as well."

"Oh, gee, thanks!" snapped Vince. "Everybody is using me as their dumping ground so far! Road crews! Asshole greasers! These guys who I'm supposed to call friends! It's making me insane!"

"VINCE! Chill the hell out!" Dom said. He reached into a cooler on the floor and pulled out a bottle of Corona.

"Here. See if this helps. You're not on driving detail for a while so you can have it." Dom said as he handed the beer to Vince.

"And if it helps as well, guys, here is the Bloodhound Gang with what they call 'some relaxing music'." said Lazlow.

The band were set up to play.

"This one goes out especially to Vince on Team Furious." said Jared.

"And here we go." said Jimmy. He started the song off by making some weird noises.

"Son of a bitch." grumbled Vince as he recognised the song when Jimmy sang the first line in a mock 'retarded' voice.

**Why is everybody always pickin' on me?**

As Vince angrily drank his beer, the song continued. Jimmy sang the main vocal and Jared sang the back-up (the lines in parentheses).

**The morn' that I was born my old man beat up the doctor.**  
**He clocked the doctor cause the doctor said I looked like Chewbacca.**  
**The doctor said sir you're misled sir which infers you mistook me.**  
**I did not mean your lovely wife was shackin' up with a wookiee.**

**What I mean is Wolverine is less hairy than your son.**  
**He's looks like Chewie (Baba Booey, Baba Booey) and Hong Kong Phooey all in one.**  
**To put it mild your new-born child's completely nutty fu-fu lookin'.**  
**I'd shove him back into the oven until he is done cookin'.**

**But why's everbody always pickin' on me?**  
**(Cause my fifteen year-old cousin has less acne)**  
**But why's everbody always pickin' on me?**  
**(Ain't brushed them teeth since 1983)**  
**But why's everbody always pickin' on me?**  
**(Cause you've got the grooming habits of a chimpanzee)**  
**But why's everbody always pickin' on me?**  
**(Cause you're white but you got a nose like Bill Cosby)**

**Why's everbody always pickin' on me?**  
**Always pickin' and rippin' apart poor ol' Jimmy Pop Ali.**  
**I got a schnozz like the 'Cos' but there's a lot more wrong with you.**  
**So back me up Bill (yeah and you're ugly too).**

**So what if I brush my teeth with a piece of cheddar cheese.**  
**Or wear a fishnet shirt by Chams with my Sergio Valenti jeans.**  
**And my mirror never lies but it always verifies.**  
**I've got more cheese and pepperoni than a homemade pizza pie.**

**You compare me to a Monchichi but I don't understand.**  
**Why I'm scorned like I'm deformed (like the Elephant Man).**  
**And yeah I took my mom to the prom but hey, she asked me first.**  
**But at least this time I didn't find my date in the back of a hearse.**

**About as popular with the girls as Engelbert Humperdinck.**  
**And that might be 'cause everybody calls me Shrinky Dink.**  
**I know I'm known as Polaroid, I'm not a total retard.**  
**It's cause I'm done in sixty seconds and you'll still want it enlarged.**

**But why's everbody always pickin' on me?**  
**(Cause ya wore velour flares until the late Eighties)**  
**But why's everbody always pickin' on me?**  
**(Cause you run like a girl and you sit down to pee)**  
**But why's everbody always pickin' on me?**  
**(Cause your only school chum was the lunch lady)**  
**But why's everbody always pickin' on me?**  
**(You took your mom to the prom but still got lucky)**

**Like that episode where Gilligan gets sick of being teased.**  
**And he breaks into the Professor's lab and makes some LSD.**  
**Peaks, freaks and eats the Skipper's brains then beats Ginger with coconuts.**  
**As Mr. Howell and Lovey burn alive inside their grass hut.**

**Oh, he'll kill again that Gilligan, they should've let him be.**  
**And like a postal clerk I'll go beserk if you don't stop teasing me.**  
**See the trick is only pick on those that can't do you no harm.**  
**Like the drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm.**

**The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm.**  
**The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm.**  
**The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm.**  
**The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm.**  
**The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm.**  
**The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm.**  
**The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm.**  
**The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm.**

**But why's everbody always pickin' on me?**  
**(Cause my fifteen year-old cousin has less acne)**  
**But why's everbody always pickin' on me?**  
**(Ain't brushed them teeth since 1983)**  
**But why's everbody always pickin' on me?**  
**(Cause you've got the grooming habits of a chimpanzee)**  
**But why's everbody always pickin' on me?.**  
**(Cause you're white but you got a nose like Bill Cosby)**

**But why's everbody always pickin' on me?**  
**(Cause ya wore velour flares until the late Eighties)**  
**But why's everbody always pickin' on me?**  
**(Cause you run like a girl and you sit down to pee)**  
**But why's everbody always pickin' on me?**  
**(Cause your only school chum was the lunch lady)**  
**But why's everbody always pickin' on me?**  
**(Cause no one likes you, monkey boy)**

-'Why's Everybody Always Pickin' On Me' by the Bloodhound Gang.

As the band finished, Vince angrily gave the finger with both hands into Team Furious' camera.

"Oh, how witty." Lazlow sarcastically said.

"Well, the song wasn't much more mature." Veronica said.

* * *

The Doomsayer and Utopia entered Dorajland.

"Well, if it isn't that plumber and that little hedgehog." said the Drake.

"Don't underestimate them." said Ron. "I've seen you make that mistake before."

"When did you see that?" asked Venom. "Sounds like something I'd like to know."

"Hey, it's-a that rich guy." said Luigi.

"Mario, are we going to let him beat us to the next country?" asked Sonic.

"Not on my watch." said Mario. "Let's-a go!"

The two cars accelerated and raced through the twisty roads.

"He's good for someone who works on pipes for a living." said the Drake.

"He's good for someone who lounges around for fun." said Mario.

"We can beat him." said Tails. "We can LOOK OUT!"

Two tanks were parked across the road ahead. The Utopia and the Doomsayer spun out and narrowly avoided hitting the tanks. After the dust settled, a group of soldiers approched the cars.

"Who are these guys?" asked the Drake.

"I don't know." said Ron. "Look, I'm fully trained in several forms of defense techniques, I've got enough bodyguard certificates to snap a Christmas tree. But I have to say, and I'm sure this goes for everyone in this car, that I am scared! In fact, I'm barely holding my fudge right now."

"Quit whining like a goddamned schoolgirl and pull yourself together, Ron." growled Venom.

"At least someone in this car has the balls to say what's really going on." said the Drake.

"Sonic, what's going on?" asked Tails.

"I don't know, Tails." said Sonic. "I don't like the looks of it."

One of the soldiers tapped the car's window. "You're coming with us." he said. "Someone very high up wants to see you."

* * *

High above Dorajland, a cargo plane flew. Rico stood in the back with Sheldon.

"The nation of Dorajland was founded a mere three weeks ago." briefed Sheldon. "Not surprising, considering the employee turnover of your ordinary African country."

"So, what makes this one not so ordinary?" asked Rico.

"The new head of the military." said Sheldon as he handed over a picture of a bald man with a moustache. "Recognize him?"

"Yes, this man is known as Kane, no relation to Maria." said Rico. "He's in charge of a terrorist group called the Brotherhood of Nod."

"We believe his group is the new military force of Dorajland." said Sheldon. "We want you to enter the country and find this out for us."

"And if he is, I assume you want me to eliminate the threat." said Rico.

"You catch on quickly, Rico." said Sheldon. "You've got your equipment?"

"Got all I need." said Rico as he showed off his twin pistols in their holsters, then pulled a gun with a grappling hook out of his belt.

"Alright, good luck." said Sheldon.

The loading ramp on the plane opened and Rico jumped out.

* * *

At the Dorajland Presidential Palace, Mario, the Drake, and their teams were led into the president's office.

"Move it, yuppie scum." said a guard as he jammed the Drake in the back with a gun.

"Is this the first time you've been kidnapped?" asked Ron.

"Yes." said Sonic.

"It's our third." said Ron.

"Well, let-a me know how it goes." said Luigi as he turned to leave. Venom grabbed his arm.

The president sat in a chair facing away from them.

"You are the Cannonballers?" he asked.

"We are." said Mario. "We were-a under the impression that-a we were allowed to race through."

"That's correct." said the Drake. "We were told there would be no tickets issued."

"Mr. Mario is absolutely correct." said the president.

"How do you know his name?" asked Tails.

"Because I raced against him..." said the president as he turned to face them "...two years ago. How you doing, guys?"

"Jarod!" said Sonic. "Wassup?"

"Wassup?" asked Jarod. "Oh, it's 'what's up' slightly modified."

"Who is this guy?" asked Ron.

"Guys, meet Jarod." said Sonic. "He's a pretender. He can pick up expert skills almost instantly."

"Must feel pretty normal at Halloween." said Venom.

"You're not too far off, my scruffy friend." said Jarod.

"Well, what are you-a doing here?" asked Mario.

"After the race two years ago," said Jarod "I started kicking around. Eventually, I wound up here while a major coup d'etat was underway. I helped take part in the uprising and before I knew it, I was mistaken for the leader and named president. Biggest pretend ever."

"Oh, I get it." said the Drake. "Dorajland. 'Doraj' is Jarod spelled backwards."

"I was waiting for someone to notice that." said Jarod.

"Are we going to be here much longer?" asked Luigi.

"No, I just wanted to see who was running." said Jarod. "You guys can go."

"Alright!" yelled Tails.

"However, I would like it that you attend a rally in my honor." said Jarod. "It won't take long. You should be back on the road in about ten minutes."

"I suppose we can do that." said Ron.

"Okay, you guys go on ahead." said Jarod. "I have to meet with someone."

The two teams left the room. Jarod followed them, but went further down the hall to another room.

"The rally is taking place soon." said Jarod.

"I know." said the man in the room. "My forces are already there."

"Look, there's something else." said Jarod. "I was going over the list of presidential decrees and I found something I never okayed. Namely, it's the laser fences you've been installing across the country."

"I'm just doing my part for national security." said the man, who looked exactly like the man in Rico's picture. "Those laser fences are what's keeping the rebels in check."

"I know that, Mr. Kane." said Jarod. "It's just that your measures seem a little extensive, maybe overkill. Now, maybe your security forces think they can do whatever they want, but there is a chain of command here. The office of the President is the head of this creature while the office of National Security is but an appendage. This is just the head saying to that appendage 'Wassup?'"

Kane pondered his words, then said "I'll tell you what. Why don't you bring your head down to my appendage and I'll show you wassup?"

"Very well." said Jarod.

* * *

99 was at the wheel of the Detector as it sped through Bangui, the capital of the Central African Republic.

"Gas station coming up." she said to the Angels. "Let's hope we don't get a crooked attendant this time."

"Yeah." laughed Natalie.

As 99 turned the car around a corner to enter the gas station at high speed, she suddenly turned pale and braked.

Parked at the gas station were the Evenflow, Starbreaker, and Jawbreaker.

Banner, Bender, Victoria, Bullock, and Montoya all had their guns trained on the Detector.

"OUT OF THE CAR! NOW!" yelled Banner at Team Angels.

"Shit!" chorused the Angels.

"Hang on!" said 99 as she quickly reversed the Detector and roared off down the road at high speed.

"Oh no, you don't!" Bullock smirked as he and the others got into their vehicles and took off after them.

"I'm still trackin' them." said Montoya as she looked at a display that showed the route the Detector was taking thanks to the tracker gel Victoria had placed earlier.

"At least it works." said Bender in the Starbreaker.

"Of course it does. It's because of that gel we knew those little bitches would be coming this way." Banner replied. "Now drive faster!"

The Detector drove along a bridge. 99 kept focused as she weaved in and out of traffic with great skill.

When she got ahead of the main group of traffic, the Detector entered a tunnel. As they drove down in and reached a fork in the road between two opposing lanes for traffic, a couple of local police cars came out of the oncoming lane tunnel.

99 kept the Detector going on the road leading to the south end of the tunnel, but the two cop cars performed 180s around the fork from the North-bound lane and took off after them.

"Just give me an opening." 99 grumbled to herself as she saw Banner's team and their cars joining the two local cop cars.

As 99 shifted gears and got far enough ahead, she activated the nitrous in the Detector and they shot ahead at high speed.

As they came out the other end of the tunnel, there was a sharp turn at the bottom of a cliff face.

99 only saw it at the last minute and turned wildly, causing the Detector to spin out and come to a halt.

"Crud." Dylan mumbled as 99 desperately tried to restart the stalled engine.

"Come on, baby. Come on." 99 mumbled as the engine refused to turn over.

As she tried one last time, Banner's unit and the local cops exited the tunnel.

One cop car parked right in front of the Detector's front grille, while the other parked at its rear fender.

Bender drove the Starbreaker up against the right side doors of the car, and the left side doors were pressed against the cliff face with nowhere to go.

Banner smugly climbed out of the Starbreaker as 99 sheepishly tried one last time to start the engine.

He let out a light chuckle, walked over the the window of the Detector and flashed his badge.

"You can quit cranking the car now, lady. You're under arrest." he said in a smug tone.

99 sighed and dropped her forehead into the steering wheel, causing the horn to go off.

"And you just added noise pollution to the rap sheet." Banner smirked.

* * *

Ethan and Snake pulled up to a clearing and climbed out of the Espion.

"I'll say one thing about that charger." said Snake. "It may give us a lot of power, but it sure contributes to overheating."

Ethan opened the hood and said "I think we're going to have to run it sparingly from now on."

"I think it's putting a drain on the battery too." said Snake. "We may need to give it a rest."

"You're going to be giving it a rest alright!" said Camaro as he and Charger jumped out of their car.

"The race ends for you right here." said Charger.

"Let's see you give this a..." said Ethan as he and Snake went for their guns.

Camaro and Charger had theirs out first. "I wouldn't do that if I were you." said Camaro.

"This isn't over yet." said Snake.

"Oh, where are you going to get help?" asked Charger. "Is it just going to fall out of the sky?"

Suddenly, Rico landed feet-first on Charger's back, knocking him down. He released his parachute and drew his twin handguns.

"What the..." said Camaro.

Ethan and Snake drew their guns. "Who's our savior?" asked Snake.

"Guys, don't you recognize me?" asked Rico.

"Oh yeah." said Ethan. "Aren't you that guy from those El Pollo Loco commercials?"

"No." said Rico. "Think Agency. Think San Esperito."

"No way." said Snake. "Rico Rodriguez?"

"That's the one, amigo." said Rico.

"What are you doing here?" asked Ethan.

"I'll explain once we get out of here." said Rico. "Get to your car."

"Right." said Snake as he and Ethan ran for their car.

As Snake and Ethan raced off, Rico kept his guns trained on Camaro.

"You realize you're not getting out of here without a fight." said Camaro.

"I was almost counting on it." said Rico.

Charger then lifted his leg and kicked Rico in the back of his ankle, knocking him down.

Charger got back up and said "Looks like you're down to no chips."

Rico got back to his feet and drew his grapple gun.

"What the hell is that?" asked Camaro.

"Oh this?" asked Rico. "This is just a grapple gun. I use this for latching onto building ledges and nearby trees. See?"

He fired the grapple gun at a nearby tree and pulled a branch out.

"Nice." said Charger.

"Know what else I use it for?" asked Rico as the Tempest approached. "I like to use it to latch onto the rear bumpers of cars for my favorite activity: parasailing."

As the Tempest drove by, Rico turned and shot the rear bumper with the grapple gun. As soon as he had a connection, he pulled the ripcord for his emergency chute and flew into the air. By the time Camaro and Charger could aim at him, he was already out of range.

* * *

99 and the Angels sat in an interrogation room at a police station. Banner walked in and said "Just what did you think you were doing out there?"

"I don't know." said Dylan as she pointed to 99. "She was looking at the speedometer."

"Sarcasm, huh?" asked Banner. "Well, let's see how sarcastic you can be when you're facing charges for multiple traffic violations."

"Um, it has come to my attention that you have no jurisdiction in this country." said Alex. "So, I seriously doubt that a series of minor moving violations merit this level of police attention."

"Sure, it starts with a series of moving violations." said Banner. "Then it escalates and escalates until you're selling your children to fund your drinking habits!"

"Uh, what?" asked a very confused Natalie.

"Anyways, it's all over for you." said Banner. "We've recently spoken with Mr. Townsend and he is not pleased with this development. He doesn't like the negative publicity brought by this incident and has come down here personally. He has agreed to take the four of you home under the condition that we don't pursue charges."

"But we have a race to run." said 99.

"Not anymore." said Banner.

"You're lying." said Dylan. "Charlie is too reclusive to come out here himself."

"His presence says otherwise." said Banner. "And here comes Mr. Townsend right now."

A man entered the room and said "Hello, Angels."

Minutes later, the five of them walked out of the police station.

"Thanks for getting us out of that." said Alex.

"Not a problem." said the man.

"Can I ask you something?" asked Natalie.

"Sure." said the man.

"Who are you?" asked Natalie.

"Oh, sorry." said the man. "I'm 99's partner, Maxwell Smart."

"Oh, thank God." said Alex.

"Charlie doesn't know about the incident." said Maxwell. "In fact, he's not really concerned about the charges you're required to rack up in the Cannonball. I'm just here to get you back on the road faster."

"Hey, Max." said 99. "Want to come with us?"

"I was hoping you'd ask." said Max.

* * *

In a clearing somewhere, Ethan and Snake came to a stop.

"Looks like those hired guns are still in this." said Ethan.

"Yeah." said Snake. "I hope Rico's alright."

"Sure he is." said Ethan as he saw Rico gliding to the gorund. "Here he comes now."

Rico landed and retracted his parachute. Ethan and Snake ran over to join him.

"What are you doing here?" asked Snake.

"I'm on assignment." said Rico. "It turns out that the head of Dorajland's national security is none other than the leader of the Brotherhood of Nod."

"Wait, Kane is in charge of Dorajland's security?" asked Ethan.

"That can't be very good." said Snake.

"It's not." said Rico. "Luckily, I was able to invite some friends to the party."

A pair in a red '89 Miata pulled into the clearing. The car was equipped with an Extreme Dimensions Wisdom body kit and M-Speed spoiler and black Enkei Tenjin rims.

"Here's a couple of them now." said Rico.

A man with a brown mullet climbed out of the driver's seat. A woman with brown, eighties style hair climbed out of the passenger seat.

"Rico!" said the man.

"MacGruber, so glad you could join us!" said Rico.

"I know these two." said Snake. "Meet MacGruber and Vicki St. Elmo."

"I see you still haven't forgotten our operation in Molvania." said Vicki.

"No matter how hard I try." said Snake.

"These guys are going to be working with us?" asked Ethan.

"Until Nod has taken off." said Rico.

"So, that's everybody." said Snake.

"Not yet." said Rico. "There's still someone else we've invited."

A black 1988 Pontiac Fiero with yellow lighting graphics pulled into the clearing. A V8 Archie widebody kit and Warber hood adorned the car. The rims were chrome ADR Decadence wheels.

"Is he a coke dealer?" asked Ethan.

The Fiero parked and a man who bore a striking resemblance to Dominic climbed out.

"Dominic?" asked Snake.

"Who?" asked the man.

"Guys, this is Xander Cage." said Rico. "He's part of the 'Triple X' program, like the racer Marcus."

"Oh." said Ethan. "You see, there's this guy in the race who looks just like you."

"Yeah, you could be twins." said Snake.

"Oh, you mean Dominic Toretto." Xander said as he realised what they meant. "Well, it just happens that we look like each other. But Toretto's a guy I've always admired. You see, I used to have hair but after Dom became world famous, I shaved it off so I could look like him."

"Talk about fan worship." said MacGruber.

"Okay, let's get going." said Rico.

* * *

"It has come to our attention that the Licorne has been disabled due to a combat situation." said Brock as he paced his office. "I think it goes without saying that other vehicles are about to take some serious damage through battle. They are also going to need some kind of backup. At first, I was going to look over the qualifications of the mechanics to see which one would be the best choice. Then I remembered that little stunt you pulled with Team Rocket! Despite who it was, I'm not terribly pleased with you, Skeeter!"

"It was worth it." said Skeeter.

"I'd like to see how long you can keep that attitude." said Brock. "As punishment, you will be sent into Africa to protect the Cannonballers from the Brotherhood of Nod."

"I've got combat experience from the gas wars of the seventies." said Skeeter.

"Be careful out there." said Brock. "These guys aren't just a group of mercenaries in weaponized cars."

"Got it." said Skeeter.

* * *

Team Angels had just recovered the Detector from the local impound yard and had now met up with Max just outside the police station. He stood next to a light purple '92 Dodge Stealth. Also with him was a dark-haired man in a grey suit with a strangely blank look on his face.

"Okay, you girls all set to get going?" Max asked.

"You bet we are." said Dylan. "Who's your friend?"

"My name's Hymie." the other man announced.

"Hymie?" Alex asked as she raised an eyebrow.

"His father's name was Hymie." Max said defensively.

"Actually, it's an acronym." 99 spoke up. "It stands for HYbrid Mechanical Intelligent Entity. He's an advanced robot who works for CONTROL."

"He's very good-looking." Natalie said in a slightly flirty tone.

"Thank you." smiled Hymie.

"Me and Hymie are riding in the Alpha here." said Max, nodding at the Stealth. "We'll be sure to keep any nasties or cops off your tails."

"Well, don't be thinking you'll be our knight in armour, pal." Dylan said. "I wouldn't be surprised if we end up saving your ass."

"Hey, don't be mean." Natalie said as she nudged Dylan.

"I think we should get going." Alex said.

"Okay, let's take off." 99 smiled.

Hymie suddenly started to flap his arms like wings.

"No, Hymie. That's not what she meant." said Max as he stopped Hymie from flapping his arms. "She means we should start racing."

"Sorry, Max." Hymie said, a bit sheepishly.

"I thought Bruce fixed that glitch that made Hymie take things literally." 99 said.

"He thinks that something was knocked out of place when the race route was being programmed in." Max said.

"Oh boy." sighed Alex.

* * *

Jarod walked into the office of National Security. "Mr. Kane?" he said. "Are you ready to explain the actions taken by your office?"

Kane pushed a button on his desk and the door closed behind Jarod.

"What is the meaning of this?" asked Jarod.

"This is the meaning." said Kane. "When you happened upon my forces locked in battle with the previous administration's army, did you really think that I was attempting to _overthrow a corrupt government for the good of the people_?"

Jarod gulped.

"The Brotherhood is dedicated to one thing and one thing only." said Kane. "That is to unite the nations of the third world into a major power. In doing so, we shall be poised for our ultimate goal: world domination."

"You're a terrorist group." said Jarod.

"One man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter." said Kane. "I only agreed to your decree for safe passage for the Cannonballers because I knew that it would result in a large number of potential hostages or allies. All I have to do is seal the borders once all of the Cannonballers are in the country."

"Your plan won't succeed." said Jarod. "Just ask any of the madmen who faced them before."

"Ah, but my plan is about to succeed." said Kane. "In fact, it's about to succeed a little earlier. If you hadn't gone over my plans just now, you could have gone on your merry way leading this country as a puppet ruler, never realizing the plans unfolding behind your back. Instead, I am forced to put my plan into action a little earlier. And that...is...wassup."

A soldier entered the room. "You wanted to see me, sir?" he asked.

"Yes, the President needs some alone time." said Kane. "Take him to the prison. He has a room waiting for him there."

"Yes, sir." said the soldier. He marched over and grabbed Jarod.

"This is not over." said Jarod.

"Be glad." said Kane. "When it's over, you're dead."

The solder took Jarod out of the office. Kane picked up a radio and said "This is Kane. It's on."

* * *

Team Mario and Team Drake left the presidential palace and found themselves on the parade grounds where they'd parked.

"Now this looks like a rally." said Tails.

"I think we can stop racing for a bit and take some time to enjoy this." said The Drake.

"Hey, look!" said Mario. "It's a marching band!"

"Hey, it's the Cannonballers!" said the leader of the marching band. "How's the racing so far?"

"Hasn't been boring." said Luigi.

"Do you have any requests?" asked the band leader.

"Here's one." said Venom. "'Never Surrender' by Lion."

"Very well." said the band leader.

The band started to play a soft, sweet melody. Venom looked perplexed. The band leader started to sing.

**Just a little more time is all we're asking for.**  
**'Cause just a little more time could open closing doors.**

"Hold it, hold it, hold it!" said Venom.

The band stopped playing.

"What was that?" asked Venom.

"You requested 'Never Surrender'." said the band leader.

"By Lion." said Venom. "That was Corey Hart."

The band looked confused.

"Hang on." said Venom. "Somebody have a guitar?"

Someone threw him a guitar. He caught it and walked to the front of the band.

"Follow my lead." he said. He started to play.

**A hungry heart.**  
**Keeps me going strong.**  
**It gives me strength.**  
**When things are going all wrong.**

**All my life.**  
**I've been searching for the sun.**  
**Now like a thief in the night.**  
**I've got nowhere to run.**

**But I'll never surrender.**  
**No, I'll never give it up.**  
**Without a fight.**

**I made a vow.**  
**That I would never stop.**  
**To keep the faith.**  
**And take it right to the top.**

**All the way.**  
**That's the only way to go.**  
**Won't ever give up the fight.**  
**Cause I'd die just to show.**

**That I'll never surrender.**  
**No, I'll never give it up.**  
**Without a fight.**  
**And I'll always remember.**  
**How it feels to have to.**  
**Bring your dreams to life.**

**A hungry heart.**  
**Keeps me going strong.**  
**It gives me strength.**  
**When things are going all wrong.**

**I'll never surrender.**  
**No, I'll never give it up.**  
**Without a fight.**  
**And I'll always remember.**  
**How it feels to have to.**  
**Bring your dreams to life.**

**Alright!**

**Never surrender.**  
**When your back's against the wall.**  
**Never surrender.**  
**When you feel you lost it all.**  
**Never surrender.**  
**When you've got no place to go.**  
**Never Surrender.**

**No! Never Surrender.**  
**Never Surrender.**  
**Never Surrender.**

-"Never Surrender" by Lion.

Venom tossed the guitar back to the person who threw it to him and returned to The Drake.

"Now that the whole thing with Jarod is finished," said the Drake "maybe we can get back to the puzzle hunt."

"So, what are the clues so far?" asked Ron.

"Let's see." said the Drake as he checked his Blackberry. "Okay, we're down to the last one. It's supposed to be in the area between the horse..."

Venom looked off and did a double take.

"...and the lion." said the Drake.

Ron stared off to the side.

"And is at the top of the triplets." said the Drake.

Venom and Ron looked in front of them and looked upwards. Venom squinted and stared. "I think I see it." he said.

"What?" asked the Drake.

"The horse." said Ron as he pointed to a statue of a horse. "The lion." he said as he pointed to a statue of a lion. "The triplets." he said as he pointed to the top of three trees. A briefcase hung from the the highest tree.

"Good eyes." said the Drake. "So, who's going for it?"

He and Venom looked to Ron. "I spotted it." said Venom.

"I'll get it." said Ron.

"Good man." said the Drake.

Ron walked up to the tree and started to climb it.

"Is he any good at that?" asked Venom.

"He used to be a lineman for the phone company." said the Drake. "Go for it, Ronnie!"

"You've got it!" yelled Venom.

Ron made his way up the tree. He looked up at the briefcase.

"You can do it!" yelled the Drake.

"Show us some balls!" yelled Venom.

Ron made it to the top of the tree and grabbed the briefcase.

"You've got the prize! Good work!" said the Drake.

"Yeah! Do it!" said Venom.

Ron cut the rope and slid down the tree. Venom and the Drake cheered.

One of Kane's troops answered his radio. "Yes, sir. Right now? Affirmative."

Ron carried the briefcase over to Venom and the Drake. "What do you think?" he asked.

"Very nice work." said the Drake. "What do you say we hit the road and rub this in the other Cannonballers' faces?"

"Sounds great." said Venom.

One of Kane's Beam Cannons pulled up next to the Utopia and two soldiers jumped out. "You're coming with us." said one as they pointed their guns at them.

"Again?" asked the Drake.

"Kane has ordered that all Cannonballers are to be captured and held for ransom." said the other.

"Well, that was fast." said Venom.

"And speaking of fast, think fast!" said Ron just before he threw the briefcase at the soldiers.

One of the soldiers fired his rifle at the briefcase, destroying it. Venom responded by tackling the soldier. Ron jumped up and wrestled the other soldier to the ground.

"How can I help?" asked the Drake.

Venom punched his soldier and grabbed his rifle. He fired it into the air and said "Okay, that's good enough."

Ron gave his soldier one last punch and said "I agree."

"Let's go, gentlemen." said the Drake.

"Not just yet." said Venom.

"'ey, what's-a going on?" asked Mario.

"Looks like the army is-a taking back the country." said Luigi.

"We'd better get outta here." said Sonic.

"Just a second." said Mario. He kicked the trunk of the Doomsayer and doll of a turtle wearing a helmet popped out. He grabbed it and in a flash of light, his shirt turned white, his overalls turned black, and he wore a turtle shell and a helmet. "Now we go." he said.

Mario jumped onto the hood of the car while Sonic took the wheel. They took off in a hurry.

The Drake and his team got into the Utopia. Venom still brandished the rifle while the Drake and Ron looked a little unnerved.

"Let's hit it." said Venom.

"I think maybe I should've let them shoot you." said Ron.

The Drake pulled away from the Beam Cannon which now had six blown out tires.

"How do we get out of here?" asked the Drake.

"Go for the way we came in." said Ron.

"Maybe you should activate the weapons in this crate." said Venom.

"We don't have any." said Ron.

"What?" asked Venom.

"I had this thing customized for performance, not combat." said the Drake.

A large black tower fired on the Doomsayer. Mario ducked into his shell and blocked the lasers. A second tower fired a set of machine guns at them.

"Get ready for this." said Mario. He started throwing a series of hammers at the machine gun turret. He knocked out the guns on one side, then the other.

"Alright!" cheered Tails.

"Hang on, we still have the other one." said Sonic.

The Drake maneuvered the Utopia through the area and aimed the car up a hill towards the laser turret.

"Yuppie scum this!" he growled as he launched the car off the hill and crashed through the turret. It collapsed soon after.

The two cars then raced off together.

* * *

Above Dorajland, one of Yuri's Floating Discs was flying through the air. As they got lower down, a hatch opened and the police cruiser with the A.B.C. Robot in it was released with a parachute attached to it.

As the parachute deployed and the vehicle drifted to the ground, Yuri, Chairman and DeMarco looked on smugly from the Disc's cockpit.

"That should settle the Cannonballers' hash for a while." said Chairman. "I heard that there's talk of a group of them moving in a convoy through this country. It'll be lambs to the slaughter."

"Maybe." said Yuri. "I remember them doing something similar in my territory two years ago. If what I've heard about the army installed in this country, we could have competition."

"Anything to worry about?" asked DeMarco.

"Not with a whole fleet of these Discs at our command." Yuri smirked. "I've always wanted to show that bald-headed buffoon a lesson. And we shall indeed when we decimate his army and the Cannonballers."

Now it was Yuri's turn to laugh evilly.

* * *

The Falcon pulled up to a small roadhouse somewhere in Dorajland. The three men got out and went inside.

"That place in Tunisia COULD have been Tatooine for all you know." Brodie said. "The desert stuff for Episode Four was filmed in Tunisia, you know. Maybe they got the idea for the planet's name from the city we were in."

"And the reward for the Biggest Social Retard Who Knows 101 Useless Geek Facts goes to...Brodie Bruce of New Jersey." Jay sarcastically said.

"Like you can talk." Brodie grumbled in reply. "After all, you two thought there really WAS a place in Illinois called Shermer after watching all those John Hughes movies."

"HEY! Have a bit of respect for a genius." Silent Bob said. "Before he started the Macaulay Culkin shit, Mr. Hughes was an 80s god."

"Okay, okay." Brodie replied. He then walked over to the bar where an American game show played on television.

"Congratulations!" said the host. "You are our grand prize winner! It's now time to pick your prize. Over here, we have this new Chevy Camaro."

A yellow Camaro SS was shown on a rotating platform.

"And over here, we have an all expenses paid trip to Dorajland." announced the host.

"Take the Camaro." said Brodie. "Take the Camaro!"

"I'm heading off to Africa." said the contestant. "I'm taking the trip to Dorajland!"

"No!" yelled Brodie. "Idiot!"

He turned towards the bar and saw the contestant sitting there staring at him.

Jay and Silent Bob walked over to the other side of the bar where a man jumped up and said "Hey, I know you guys! You're Jay and Silent Bob!"

"Oh yeah, that's us!" said Jay.

"How wonderful to see you." said the man. "I'm a big fan of your work. Very big."

"Nice to hear that." said Jay as Brodie walked over.

"Yes, I'm very impressed with your work." said the man. "Not like that Brodie guy. I hate him."

Brodie looked nervous. "You don't like Brodie?" asked Jay.

"No, not at all." said the man. "I don't know why you hang out with him."

"You don't like Brodie at all?" asked Jay.

"If I saw him and knew what he looked like," said the man "he would be seriously punished for his suckiness. If only I knew what he looked like." He looked at Brodie and asked "Hey, what's your name?"

"Uh...um..." said Brodie. "My name is Earl."

"Anyway," said the man "there's actually someone else looking forward to seeing you."

"Who's that?" asked Jay.

"There he is." said the man.

They all looked to the other guy. It was LaFours. He promptly got up and ran towards them.

"Back to the car!" yelled Brodie.

The three of them ran for the door with LaFours in hot pursuit. In the parking lot, they made a beeline for the Falcon.

Jay jumped into the driver's seat just as LaFours ran out of the roadhouse. Silent Bob jumped into the back while Brodie got into the front passenger seat.

"Come on!" yelled Brodie. "Start it up and get us out of here!"

"Hang on." said Jay as he fiddled with the keys.

He went to insert the key into the ignition, but he hit the side of the steering column and dropped them.

"Oh f...or Pete's sake!" he yelled.

He reached down to pick them up as Brodie locked the doors.

"Hurry!" yelled Brodie as he watched LaFours approach, holding his nightstick out menacingly.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	9. We're Having Some Fun Now, Huh?

CANNONBALL RUN 7: HIGH SPEED HEROES by Bkelly95 and the Turbo Man.

Chapter 8: 'We're having some fun now, huh?'

DISCLAIMER: We own nothing as usual and no money is being made from this. The Nod vehicles used come from the 'Tiberium Wars' series of 'Command & Conquer'.

AN: Dedicated to the memories of Hal Needham, Paul Walker, and Roger Rodas.

* * *

Eric drove along in the Reckless.

"I can't belive you didn't get any stuff in Holland!" said Hyde from the back seat.

"We had other things on our minds." said Fez, who sat next to him.

"Relax, Hyde." said Kelso from the front passenger seat. "We brought you back to the world of the living."

"Plus, I've got a surprise for you." said Eric from the driver's seat.

"Yeah, what's that?" asked Hyde.

"We're picking up more stuff." said Fez.

"Sheya." said Kelso. "We heard about these guys and they're supposed to be at the roadhouse up ahead."

Eric looked over his shoulder. "And they're willing to give us some stuff." he said as LaFours ran in front of the car. "All they want in return is..."

Eric ran into LaFours who tumbled across the hood and fell over the fender. Eric and his friends looked forward in shock.

"YES! Just what we needed!" Brodie yelled in triumph as he started up the Falcon and peeled rubber out of the roadhouse's parking lot.

Meanwhile, Eric and Kelso jumped out of the Reckless and ran over to LaFours.

"Sorry! Sorry!" said Eric as LaFours struggled to get up. "Are you alright? Please tell me you're alright."

LaFours rolled over onto his rear and rubbed his head.

"Yeah, he's fine." said Kelso.

"Can you walk?" asked Eric as he and Kelso helped LaFours to his feet. "That was quite a hit."

LaFours looked at the trail of dust the Falcon had left behind with disgust.

"This guy is made of iron." said Kelso. "Takes a licking and keeps on ticking."

LaFours angrily shrugged Eric and Kelso's hands off himself and headed for the Opus, which was parked nearby.

"That guy has a gratitude problem." said Fez as he watched everything.

* * *

Elsewhere, the Overlord pulled up at an intersection. The car sported a new chrome grille.

A Honda Accord pulled up next to it. The car had been customized with red pearlescent paint, a Wings West W-Type body kit with Commando spoiler, chrome Enkei Raijin rims, and yellow splash graphics.

The driver looked over at Ford.

"Hey, what you running?" he asked.

"Somewhat stock, but also new headers and exhaust." said Ford. "Oh, and I just got a new clutch installed yesterday."

"And is that enough to lug that massive hunk of junk around?" asked the Accord driver.

"More than enough to lug this thing around and kick your ass." said Ford. "Of course, it can also stand up to the wind a lot better than your wind-up toy."

"Make jokes, but you needed the wind to blow you through the mountains. Or did you actually drive over them?"

"At least I can wash mine without worrying about it falling down the drain." said Ford.

"That's because your car was made by Kenworth."

"So what?" asked Ford. "Yours was made by Matchbox."

"Elephant!"

"Squirrel!" replied Ford.

"Dinosaur!"

"Rat!" said Ford.

"Hippo!"

"Chipmunk!" said Ford.

"Tank!"

"Mouse!" said Ford.

"No! Tank!" yelled the Accord driver while pointing past Ford.

Ford looked to see a black and red tank with three treads (arranged two in front, one in rear), a cannon mounted on the roof, and two guns on the front.

"I'm outta here." said Ford as he drove off.

The Accord started to pull away, then stalled. "Dammit!" yelled the driver.

The tank started to aim for the Accord. The driver continued to try restarting the car. "Come on." he begged.

He looked at the tank and saw the cannon aimed right at him. He screamed and jumped out of the car. Seconds later, the tank fired and blew the Accord to pieces.

"Hey! I had five payments left!"

The tank aimed at him.

"It's okay. I'll get another." he said calmly.

Down the street, the Overlord slowed down and stopped to avoid hitting the Utopia and Doomsayer.

"What the hell is going on?" asked Ford.

"Follow us." said The Drake.

After a moment's hesitation, Ford nodded and followed after the other two Cannonballers.

As they went on their way at high speed, Mario activated the comlink to Race Central.

"Brock! We've-a got a HUGE problem. It looks like the Dorajland army are-a rebelling and going after all Cannonballers." he said. "Spread-a the word to all the others."

"Right, Mario! I'll see how much help I can hustle up for you." Brock replied.

* * *

"Just once, is it possible for the race to go through a continent WITHOUT a disaster happening?" Brock groaned at Race Central.

Suddenly, the huge screen above the stage filled with static and was then replaced with the insignia of the Brotherhood of Nod. After a few seconds, it was replaced with the image of Kane sitting at Jarod's desk in the presidential office.

"Greetings to all officials of the Cannonball Run and its participants." Kane announced. "I'm sure that many of your petty law enforcement and military agencies can tell you who I am. The country currently known as Dorajland has seen its fair share of political strife. But those days are over. Today, the Brotherhood of Nod will bring unity and prosperity. Not just to this country, but to all of the continent of Africa and eventually to all the world. The Cannonballers travelling through this country shall be the first witnesses to the rise of this new order. In fact, I extend a hand to all of them to participate in bringing the new order to power."

Kane leaned towards the camera in a menacing way.

"Refusal will not be tolerated." he added. "Dorajland is now under martial law...and I am the Marshal. The country has now been sealed off by Nod's defences and no attempt by any other country to interfere will go unpunished. Cannonballers who are in Dorajland: your future is in your hands. You are either with us or against us. I think you can guess which one I would prefer. It would be much more beneficial to your health. This is the Brotherhood of Nod signing off."

The screen cut back to the Nod logo and then went blank.

Brock, the other organisers, and the viewers looked shocked.

"Mr. X...get as many of our protectors who are near Dorajland to head there immediately and find some way to breach the defenses. Our racers need them now more than ever!" said Brock.

"Yes, sir!" said Mr. X.

* * *

Somewhere in the Sudan, Skeeter had just arrived via cargo plane. He currently had his Street Van set up and was finishing repairs on the damaged Licorne's engine. Nearby, the FLAG Semi, Reckoning, Wildchild, KITT 3000, and the Barbarian were parked.

"I think she's going to be just fine now." said Skeeter.

"I can't believe you had enough parts to repair the engine." said Donkey.

"Are you kidding?" asked Skeeter. "I've got enought parts to build another car."

Michael Knight had finished entering the radio frequency that Team Shrek had got off the PALM soldiers they had defeated and was about to confront Garthe.

"Are you sure you want to do this now, Michael?" Richard Miller asked.

"It has to be done, after all the grief that Garthe has caused." Bonnie remarked. "Besides, with all of us involved, the odds are evened since Garthe thinks Kuna's guys will protect him."

"Can your truck handle a heavy battle?" asked Claude McGarren.

"No problemo." said RC3. "We outfitted a few little changes into her."

"If you say so." said Shrek, a bit uneasily.

"Got him now, Michael." KITT said triumphantly.

Michael spoke into a small microphone in front of him.

"This is the Foundation for Law And Government calling Garthe Knight, Respond, over." Michael said seriously.

After a pause, Garthe replied.

"I congratulate you, dear 'brother'. It seems your new friends in the Cannonball Run are very resourceful." Garthe sneered.

"Well, I've had enough of you and your buddies causing trouble. We both know that it's me you want." Michael said.

"Correct. So, why don't you just surrender yourself for execution at the hands of my friends in PALM? I guarantee that I'll leave everyone else alone. "Garthe replied.

"Well, there's a slight problem there, Garthe. The problem that I have extreme difficulty in believing any promise made by you." Michael said. "We are going to end this now."

"And how do you propose to do that?"

"You and KARR are going to meet me and KITT in the Tsavo East National Park in Kenya." Michael said. "I trust you know the place from your extensive knowledge of African geography. There, we're going to face off once and for all. None of your PALM creeps. Just you and KARR."

"And why exactly should I trust that you'll come alone?" Garthe chipped in.

"Why should I trust that YOU will?" Michael replied.

"It's impolite to answer a question with a question, you know." Garthe said. "But your point is understood. I assure you, though, that your friends will be crushed if they try to aid you. Do you want to have their fates on your conscience?"

"We'll see who comes out on top. So, will you meet at the designated location?"

"I certainly will." Garthe said smugly. "I've waited nearly thirty years for this, and I don't intend to wait any more."

"Good. This is FLAG, signing off." Michael said as he terminated the comms link.

* * *

Meanwhile in Dorajland, the Maniac 2 had stopped after hearing Kane's broadcast.

"What was that they were saying?" asked Max. "The army is trying to take over the country?"

"Looks like it." said Laura. "Should've known it wasn't going to be easy."

"Maybe they won't have had time to properly mobilise as yet." said Liam as a couple of motorcyclists overtook the Maniac 2.

About 100 feet up the road, the motorcycles suddenly turned and faced the Maniac 2.

Laura gasped as she saw that on either side of the rear of the cycles was a missile launcher. They were attack bikes from the Brotherhood of Nod arsenal.

"Liam, you're a damn jinx!" she said.

"Battle stations it is." said Max as he activated the Maniac 2's transformation sequence.

As the attack bikes kept the Maniac 2 covered, a couple of Reckoners and Flame Tanks drove up behind them and got into a formation.

"Eat this!" yelled Liam as he fired missiles towards the Reckoners and Flame Tanks.

The Flame Tanks returned fire just as the Reckoners' loading ramps opened and Nod troops were deployed, with all guns blazing.

The attack bikes also fired their missiles which reloaded automatically.

Max was having no bother taking care of the attack bike fire with the Maniac 2's grille guns.

The Flame Tanks and Nod troops continued to fire laser and flamethrower blasts but the Maniac 2 was more than able to withstand the attack.

Eventually, the attack bike riders abandoned their vehicles as they caught fire and exploded after receiving a heavy barrage from the grille guns on the Maniac 2.

A few more attack bikes arrived on the scene. Liam quickly turned the missile launcher around a fired a few barrages at them which they were barely able to avoid.

"This is a very strong team of Cannonballers." the unit leader in the main Reckoner said as he watched the MASK 2 team hold their own.

"We'll recruit them right away, sir." said the female officer next to him as she gave a signal on her communicator.

As the Maniac 2 continued to concentrate its fire in front of itself, a small battalion of Raider buggies roared over the hill and surrounded it on all sides.

"Now it's YOUR turn!" said the Raider battalion's commander as the group of Raiders activated their EMP weapons.

"Oh, God, no!" said Liam as the Maniac 2 was completely disabled.

The MASK 2 agents looked around themselves in shock as the Raiders and their occupants aimed their lasers and machine guns at them.

"I'll go get help!" said Max as he put his mask on.

"Where?" asked Laura in surprise.

"Somewhere. Anywhere. You guys just sit tight!" Max said. "Whisper, on!"

Max's mask activated and he quickly slipped away as a pair of Nod soldiers opened the doors of the Maniac 2 and aimed their weapons at Liam and Laura.

"It would be easier if you didn't resist. And less dangerous as well." the female squad leader annnounced.

Liam and Laura raised their hands above their heads and were forced out by a couple of soldiers.

Once Liam and Laura were out of their vehicle, the Nod soldiers forced their hands behind their backs and bound them each with a set of electronic cuffs.

"Major! There was a third member of this team, but there's no sign of him." announced a male Nod soldier.

"What do you mean?!" the female Major demanded. "Look for him!"

"Yes, ma'am." said the soldier as he raised a pair of electronic binoculars and scanned the area. "No body heat signature." he announced. "Not tracking any vital signs and nothing on infrared either."

The major groaned. "Use your EYES, you hapless techno-geek!" she snapped. "Next you morons will need a microchip in your johns to check how much fibre you've been eating!"

Despite their situation, Liam and Laura rolled their eyes in amusement.

Max had been able to sneak into the undergrowth. "Hang on, guys. I won't let you down!" he thought to himself as he broke into a run and headed cross-country to the nearest civilisation.

* * *

The Falcon was now speeding down the road towards Yendys, the capital city of Dorajland. As they entered the city, the Manhattan Spirit sat waiting a few blocks away from where the Falcon was. Sissy was listening to a police radio.

"We have sighted an early 2000's Chevrolet Impala going well over the speed limit." a police officer reported over the radio. "It is heading towards the business district. Request arresting officers, over."

Sissy, Chrissy, and Missy all smiled. Missy raised a pair of binoculars and looked through the gaps in the city streets to their left and saw the Falcon going hell-for-leather.

Chrissy started the Manhattan Spirit up and pulled out of their parking space.

As they drove, she kept listening to the radio and took occasional glances at the route she knew the Falcon was taking.

In the Falcon, Brodie drove fast. He was wearing the Chaos mask and Silent Bob had put on his Bluntman hat. They were high on enthusiasm and completely unaware of what was about to happen.

"I'm glad LaFours was taken care of." he said. "As much as I respect fellow crime-fighters, he had corrupt tendencies. So we don't need him bringing us in."

"Didn't he bump uglies with Trish The Dish a few times?" asked Jay.

"Probably just to help her with her book, citizen Jay." Brodie said. "There's no way that even he'd want to end up like that Fashionable Male reprobate Mr. Hamilton."

While Brodie was distracted talking to Jay, the Manhattan Spirit suddenly roared out of a side intersection and rammed the Falcon in the side.

The impact was so strong and sudden that the Falcon spun out and crashed into a nearby alley, coming to rest against a warehouse wall.

"OWNED YOU, BURN BOYS!" Chrissy yelled in triumph.

Sissy and Missy got out of the Manhattan Spirit as Chrissy stopped it.

They went over to the Falcon and saw that the three team-mates had been knocked unconscious. Brodie and Jay were lying with their faces buried in their airbags while Silent Bob was lying groaning in the back.

"Let's take fat boy." Sissy said. "He's the brains of the outfit. Without him, these other jerks are royally boned."

"No prob." smirked Missy as she opened the left rear passenger door and undid Silent Bob's seatbelt.

Silent Bob began to stir, but Missy quickly jammed a syringe full of sedative into his arm.

"Not just yet, sleepyhead." she smirked.

* * *

Elsewhere in Yendys, the Starlight had stopped so that Corvax and his team-mates could gas up.

At a nearby pump was the Streetfighter. Beavis and Butthead were watching Priss lustily as she mounted her bike.

"Hey, baby!" Butthead called over to her. "What'd ya say to a little screw? HUH HUH, HUH HUH!"

"YEAH YEAH! HEH HEH, HEH HEH!" laughed Beavis.

"I'd like to answer honestly." Priss said as she looked down her nose at them. "But this movie doesn't have a mature enough rating for it."

"Betcha we can beat ya to the other side of the city!" Butthead laughed as he revved the Starlight's engine.

Priss smirked. "You're on, junior!" She laughed as she tightened her gloves and secured her helmet harder.

"Beavis, put the CD on!" Butthead ordered with a grin on his face.

Beavis laughed and inserted the Manowar CD into the stereo and moved it to the right song.

As the sound of engine revving which opened the song began, Corvax stirred from his sleep in the back seat.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"We're about to race the biker chick there!" Beavis said as he nodded over to Priss and blew a kiss at her.

Corvax looked at Priss in a perverse way as well. "I wonder if she'd like to be part of a harem."

"Forget the bike! I wanna ride her!" Beavis chuckled as Butthead and Priss revved their engines.

Priss popped a wheelie and rode out of the gas station parking lot at high speed.

The Starlight soon took off after her as the lyrics to the song began.

**Since the dawn of time,**  
**I've rolled across the earth.**  
**Spinning in the dust,**  
**Long before your birth.**

Priss mounted the sidewalk and rode the Streetfighter fast along its length.

The Starlight stayed on the road but was more than capable of keeping up with her.

**Eatin' tar and gasoline.**  
**Every light I see is green.**  
**Open pipes, my machine's,**  
**Triple-plated chrome.**

**Spirit of the wheel.**

"See ya!" she called in a musical voice as she went off the sidewalk and weaved through a thick wave of traffic, going into an alleyway and right down in, encountering few obstacles.

"Ain't losin' me, baby!" Butthead whooped as he drove farther down the street, bypassing some of the traffic.

"She has great boobs, doesn't she!" Beavis whooped.

"Indeed. Really the 'Guns of Navarone'!" Corvax smirked. "I'm amazed she's able to zip her jacket closed like she does!".

"Big boobs against tight leather. Can't be beat! HEH HEH! HEH HEH!" Beavis laughed.

**Wheels of fire burn the night.**  
**Ride across the sky.**  
**Wheels of fire burning bright.**  
**We live to ride.**

Butthead turned a hard right and went down another alley which was large enough to accomodate a car.

He whooped as he roared down it, occasionally bumping into garbage cans and assorted junk.

"Right behind you, sexy madame!" Corvax yelled.

**Motors running.**  
**Now you're gonna learn.**  
**Waiting on the line.**  
**Make your tires burn.**

**Fast, faster, faster, faster.**  
**Speeding always kills.**  
**Nothing else takes us.**  
**to get these thrills.**

**Spirit of the wheel.**

Priss reached the end of her alley and rode out onto a public garden area which was below street-level.

She gritted her teeth as she used a small hillock as a ramp and leaped to the top of the access stairs and back onto the higher road.

**Wheels of fire burn the night.**  
**Ride across the sky.**  
**Wheels of fire burning bright.**  
**We live to ride.**

The Starlight roared through an intersection and into another alley, with Butthead honking the horn to warn pedestrians to move.

"Come on, Butthead! Find 'er and beat 'er!" Beavis yelled excitedly.

**Blood and thunder on the road.**  
**My heart is pounding.**  
**My blood is nitroglycerin.**  
**I'm fire.**

The Starlight swerved back onto the road at the next exit.

Butthead activated a shot of nitrous and they were propelled ahead faster.

Up ahead, Priss could hear the roaring engine and saw them catching up.

She grunted in anger and poured on the speed to the Streetfighter.

**Burning, burning, burning, burning.**  
**Ready to explode.**  
**Don't want nothing left of me.**  
**to scrape off the road.**

**Spirit of the wheel.**

Both vehicles approached a tunnel with an enclosed walkway on the right side.

Priss rode back onto the pavement and rode the length of the walkway, with the Starlight still driving on the road.

Corvax and his team-mates whooped with joy.

"Gonna catch ya, sugar thighs!" Butthead yelled as he got a bit of a lead on her.

**Wheels of fire burn the night.**  
**Ride across the sky.**  
**Wheels of fire burning bright.**  
**We live to ride.**

Priss got to the end of the walkway and cut in front of the Starlight as it drove up the incline at the end of the tunnel and turned to follow her.

"Time to end this!" Priss smirked as she turned towards a multi-storey car park.

**Clouds of smoke, tires screaming.**  
**Fire in my hair.**  
**Blown into a thousand pieces.**  
**Scattered everywhere.**

Priss rode towards an exit only opening on the ground floor and leaped the Streetfighter over the spikes that normally prevented anyone illegally entering.

"Not gonna lose me that easy, doll!" Butthead smirked as he drove towards a proper entrance opening and crashed through the barrier arm.

**Fast, burn, burning, faster.**  
**Wanna take a ride.**  
**Spirit of the wheel.**  
**Wheels of fire ride.**

**Spirit of the wheel.**

Priss rode around the length and breadth of the ground parking level with the Starlight right on her tail.

"That's it, pal. Stay with me." she thought to herself as she turned a 180 and rode back the way they had come.

Soon, they were near the entrance again. But this time, Priss went towards an entrance-only opening, once again jumping over the spikes that were in place.

The Starlight followed her exact route. Corvax suddenly looked shocked as he saw the spikes.

"Butthead, NO!" he yelled.

**Wheels of fire burn the night.**  
**Ride across the sky.**  
**Wheels of fire burning bright.**  
**We live to ride.**

The Starlight went over the spikes, blowing all four tires. In addition, there was the sound of wrenching metal as the undercarriage got a nasty scraping.

When the Starlight finally got out of the multi-storey, the engine compartment was smoking and the wheels were riding on their rims.

**Wheels of fire burn the night.**  
**Ride across the sky.**  
**Wheels of fire burning bright.**  
**We live to ride.**

-"Wheels of Fire" by Manowar.

Team Corvax got out of the Starlight in dismay to check the damages.

They heard a horn honk and looked to see Priss looking at them smugly.

She flipped the visor of her helmet up and smirked.

"In answer to your earlier question, I'd say 'goodbye, little screw'!" she laughed as she flipped her visor closed and rode off in triumph.

"GODDAMN IT!" Butthead growled.

"It was your fault, buttmunch!" Beavis snapped.

"Shut up, dorkweed!" Butthead replied as he smacked Beavis upside the head.

"Both of you shut up!" yelled Corvax. "You useless beads of sweat from a horse's nether regions!"

They all started yelling at each other, but were soon drowned out by a roar of jet engines as a squad of Nod Carryalls carrying ground vehicles and assault troops flew overhead.

Up the road, Priss noticed this as well and looked concerned. She then noticed her comms device flashing and picked up the CB-like device.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"No time to explain, Priss." Howard's voice replied. "Find any other Cannonballers and get off the streets! The army has declared war on Cannonballers!"

"Great!" Priss sarcastically grumbled. "Where do we meet?"

"There's an abandoned factory outside the city limits. I'm sending you the route on your GPS now!" Howard replied.

"Roger." Priss said grimly.

* * *

Liam and Laura were marched into the main Reckoner and stood in front of the squad's leader.

"We're having some fun now, huh?" said Laura.

"Aye." said Liam.

"So, you are the team representing the MASK 2 team." said the leader. "Some of our members have had dealings with your group in the past. I think they're looking forward to facing you."

"The fun's just beginning." said Liam.

"Sir, there was a third member." the major reported. "He managed to escape. We've organized a search."

"Give them an hour or two. They'll find him." said the leader.

"Yeah right, they will." said Laura. "He's got a two hour head start which is more than he needs. We've got contacts in every village from here to the Sudan. We know every local custom and speak a dozen languages. He'll blend in, disappear. You'll never see him again. With any luck, he's got help already."

* * *

Max walked through a nearby village with the locals staring at him.

"Does anybody here speak English?" he asked. "Or maybe Spanish? Oh, no thanks. I had that for lunch."

He continued to walk through the marketplace, looking for a friendly face.

"Does anybody understand a word I'm saying here?" he finally asked in desperation.

"I do." said Clutch as he walked over.

"Oh, the Joe team. Thank goodness." said Max.

"What's going on here?" asked Stalker.

"The Dorajland army started another coup." said Max.

"What?" asked Rock 'n' Roll. "Someone's giving C.C. a run for his money."

"They've captured Laura and Liam." said Max. "They got the Maniac 2 as well."

"Sounds like a rescue is in order." said Shipwreck.

"Any ideas on how?" asked Max.

Snake-Eyes put his hand on Max's shoulder and pointed to himself. Max nodded to him.

* * *

In the courtyard of the abandoned factory mentioned by Howard, Priss pulled the Streetfighter up to a collection of vehicles that had huddled just inside a garage entrance. Along with Howard, Team Angels, Maxwell Smart and Hymie, Team Muppets, Buffy and her team, Mad Max and Jake, Xander Cage, MacGruber, Vicki, and Team NUMA were all there.

As Priss removed her helmet, Cage tensed.

"It's okay, X. She's with us." Dylan steadied him.

"Xander Cage!" Priss said in surprise. "I loved that video of you driving that asshole senator's car off that bridge!"

"Thanks, but we don't have time to discuss that now." Cage replied. "We have a huge situation here. I was able to contact Lone Wolf and a few more protectors who say they're going to try and find a way to breach the laser fence perimeter around the country so they can come and help us. But that could take a while."

"Ethan, Snake and Rico were able to contact a few more Cannonballers who are already in the country. Some of them are on their way now with those three to help us, but some others are content to just travel in a convoy and try to avoid Nod attacks." Maxwell Smart added.

"Welcome to my world." Mad Max chipped in. "I can think of a few ways we could handle these arseholes."

"Let me guess." Buffy said. "If one gets on the roof of your car, slam on the brakes? Or shotgun blast through the roof? Or maybe let him tag along until he falls off from the speed?"

"I have been known to use those methods, but I have sometimes used non-lethal force." Max said defensively. "How did you know my usual techniques anyway?"

"One of my buddies, currently being traned as a watcher by Giles, is a grade-A sci-fi nut. So, it figures he knows his post-apocalyptic stuff." Buffy smirked.

"Even all the cheap knock-offs that were made?" asked Jake in surprise.

"People, please. We need to focus here." Veronica said firmly.

"Right!" everybody chorused.

"So, where does all this leave us for now?" asked Jordan.

"It makes sense that Kane is holding Jarod somewhere in the country." Vicki said. "Like most power hungry dirtbags, he would get off on feeling smug that he has the solution to our problem right under our noses so he can laugh at us."

"Great point, Vic." said MacGruber. "I knew it wasn't just your looks that I kept you around for."

"Excuse me?" Vicki said indignanty as she put her hands on her hips.

"So, how do we find Jarod then?" asked Kermit.

"Right ahead of you." said Hymie as his eyes started to glow and he went into a kind of trance.

"What's he doing?" asked Alex.

"Scanning." 99 replied.

"I've picked up a signal." Hymie said. "It has the word 'Pretender' attached to it."

"That's Jarod." Natalie said excitedly. "He must have a homing device on him."

"Smart guy." said MacGruber as he got into the Chinchilla and activated its onboard computer.

"Please enter pass-phrase." the computer said in a tinny voice.

MacGruber sighed and cleared his throat.

"Flash, I love you! But we only have fourteen hours to save the Earth!" he said.

He blushed as he could sense everybody else giggling under their breath.

"Okay, I'm online." he said. "Hymie, can you send the signal to my computer?"

"Right away." said Hymie as his eyes glowed again. As they did this time, he let out a high-pitched squeal that caused everybody to cover their ears.

"Who uses a dial-up modem in this day and age?!" complained Howard.

"You should meet 80s Robot." Kermit said.

"What's that? Like a Domestobot?" asked Xander.

"A bit." Rizzo said.

After the noise stopped, a map of Dorajland came up on MacGruber's display, with the blip marked 'Pretender' appearing about ten miles outside Yendys.

"Got it." MacGruber said.

"Good." said Xander. "Mac, you can go and rescue Jarod and the rest of us will rally forces here in the city and make sure Nod don't hurt any citizens."

"Are you sure he can handle it alone?" asked 99.

"I won't be alone. Vic'll be with me." said MacGruber.

"Alright." sighed Vicki as she climbed into the Chinchilla.

"Oh, Kermit! Can we go too?" asked Gonzo. "Me and Fozzie, I mean!".

"What?" asked Kermit, stunned.

"Well, it would be nice to beat the bad guys on our own for once." said Fozzie. "Ma would be proud of me even more if I got a medal for saving an African president."

"It's dangerous, you guys." said Rizzo. Remembering that Gonzo was volunteering, he then sighed. "So, of course you want to go."

"Kermit, I give you my word as the Earth emissary of my people that we'll come back in one piece." Gonzo said as he put his right hand over his heart.

Kermit sighed deeply and then nodded.

"Okay, go ahead."

"Hop in, you guys." said MacGruber.

* * *

The Nod soldiers threw Liam and Laura into the back of an Emissary vehicle and loaded the Maniac 2 onto another.

"Take them to headquarters." ordered the leader.

"Hopefully, we can be rescued." said Laura.

"What about Max?" asked Liam. "Maybe he got us some help."

"Are you kidding?" asked Laura. "You know Max. He once got lost in his own neighborhood."

The two Emissaries started off for the capital. Stalker watched from the brush. He got on his radio.

"Okay, guys." he said. "The transports have taken off and are heading your way."

"Roger that." said Shipwreck. "Time for Snakes to do his thing."

* * *

Just outside Moyale in Kenya, the local police had set up a routine D.U.I. check.

As the lead officer waved one motorist through after seeing her license, he heard the sound of a powerful engine coming to an abrupt halt and the sound of said engine revving in an angry way.

"(Alright, let's see what this comedian's problem is.)" he said as he went to look at the culprit vehicle.

It was the Regalo, and Yogi was still behind the wheel. The other wacky Racers still looked very nervous.

"Yogi, please don't aggravate these officers any more than they already are." Ranger Smith begged.

"While they're holding us up, Dastardly's gaining ground." Yogi replied. "I'm not wearing a dress in Antarctica for anybody!"

As the lead officer approached the Regalo, Yogi suddenly performed a burnout and swerved the car expertly around the approaching officer, making sure not to hit him.

"(Crazy bastard!)" the cop yelled.

Yogi performed expert turns and drifts around the other officers and the other cars being held up. At one point, he turned the wheels and drifted sideways to avoid hitting a large SUV.

Once they were in the clear, he got the Regalo back in a straight line and hit their nitrous, roaring off down the highway leading through the Bokhol Plain.

"(Get after that son of a bitch!)" the head cop yelled to his subordinates.

"(You can if you want to.)" one of the others replied. "(We're not chasing a motorist who's THAT crazy!)"

The head cop cursed under his breath.

* * *

As night began to fall, the Chinchilla stopped at the mouth of an abandoned mine.

"Here it is." said Vicki. "The tracking device led us here."

"Well, the President's not going to rescue himself." said MacGruber. They got out of the car and entered the mine.

"I wonder if Jarod's going to give us a special prize." said Fozzie.

"I hope it's a refrigerator magnet." said Gonzo.

Vicki followed the tracker into the former office of the mine. MacGruber, Fozzie, and Gonzo followed her. She stopped in the middle of the room and looked around.

"I don't see anything." she said. She looked down and froze. "Guys?" she said. "I think we have a problem." She picked up a ring with the presidential emblem on it.

The door to the office slammed shut and locked. Kane's voice came over the speakers.

"My dear Cannonballers, did you really think I wouldn't notice a tracking device on the president's person? Especially one easily removed from the body? You guys are so gullible sometimes. This time, it will cost you. Ta ta."

Vicki ran to the door and tried to open it. It wouldn't open. She looked out the window in the door. "MacGruber!" she said. "The door is locked and Kane has rigged the exterior with high explosives!"

"Oh!" said Fozzie. "I've bombed in several places, but this is the first time a place has bombed me!"

"Okay, nobody panic!" said MacGruber. "I'm gonna get us out of this. Vicki, how much time do we have?"

"Thirty seconds, MacGruber." said Vicki.

"Okay." said MacGruber. "Vicki, hand me those wire cutters."

"Got it." said Vicki.

"Gonzo, give me those pliers." said MacGruber.

"Will do!" said Gonzo.

"Fozzie, give me a promise that your team will leave Africa last." said MacGruber.

"Got it." said Fozzie. "WHAT?"

"I've got a bet on another team and I need you to take a dive." said MacGruber.

"No way!" said Fozzie.

"Twenty seconds, MacGruber!" announced Vicki.

"Look, it's simple." said MacGruber. "You just have to keep it in first the whole way and you'll easily come in last."

"Don't you think people would get suspicious?" asked Fozzie. "It's a race and I might not be able to convincingly pull off the deception."

"Ten seconds!" yelled Vicki.

"With all the crazy driving going on, no one's going to notice one driver not doing their best." said MacGruber.

"But what about the principle of the thing?" asked Fozzie. "How would it look if a beloved children's character ignored his values?"

"You say that like I should give a..." said MacGruber before being cut off by the explosion.

A massive fireball erupted from the mine as the explosives detonated. Shortly afterward, MacGruber and Vicki staggered out of the mine with their clothes seriously damaged.

Fozzie and Gonzo walked out after them. Fozzie's fur was fire-blacked and his hat trailed smoke. Gonzo's nose had been twisted out of shape.

"Well, that wasn't so bad." said Fozzie.

"Good thing Kane's men can't place explosives to save their lives." said MacGruber.

"Call me if you want to do that again." said Gonzo.

* * *

The Manhattan Spirit roared down a highway leading out of Yendys. Missy drove while Sissy and Chrissy stood in the back and gloated over Silent Bob who was lying on a gurney.

He began to stir and woke up to see Sissy holding a gun on him while she and Chrissy grinned.

"Finally awake, I see." Sissy laughed. "Sorry if we were too hard when we took you, but I think that after what you two losers did for us back in Hollywood that you don't even deserve subtlety."

Both she and Chrissy laughed.

"You made a big mistake, ladies." Silent Bob said.

"What? Forgetting to take that stupid hat off your ugly-ass head?" asked Chrissy as she sneered at how ridiculous she found the Bluntman headgear.

"As far as I know, it doesn't give you any special powers like the Chaos mask does for that comic book geek you call a friend." Sissy said.

"Apart from making you look an even bigger dork than usual." laughed Chrissy

"Actually, it's that you forgot to tie me down." said Bob as he quickly reached to a nearby shelf in the back of the ambulance and grabbed a glass jar with yellow liquid in it.

Before Sissy or Chrissy could react, he threw the contents into Chrissy's face, causing her to shriek and close her eyes.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Chrissy yelled.

"Don't think my body mass automatically means I'm slow." laughed Silent Bob.

Sissy was livid. "That's the last time I'm letting you diss us, you tub of lard!" yelled Sissy as she angrily kicked the gurney.

"WHOA!" yelled Bob. The force of Sissy's kick was so strong that the back door of the Manhattan Spirit popped open and the gurney tipped out onto the highway, with Bob still on it.

A strong piece of material attached to the gurney kept it attached as the Manhattan Spirit sped on. As the distracted Missy swerved to avoid crashing, Bob held on for dear life.

Sissy was firing shots at him from her gun but had trouble hitting him.

"Hold still, you chubby dickweed!" she yelled.

"HEY! This my best overcoat!" Bob yelled.

"Hey, Silent Bob!" Bart Simpson's voice yelled.

Bob looked to his left and saw the Kowalski in the lane next to him.

"Are you gonna die?" Bart asked.

"BART! That's not funny!" said Marge who was at the wheel. "We have to help him!".

Marge got alongside the Manhattan Spirit and rammed into its side. It nearly caused Sissy to fall out the back door and made the piece of material connecting the gurney to the ambulance finaly tear.

Bob turned pale as the gurney was now rolling down the highway at high speed.

"How Am I Driving?" he asked himself. "1-800-I'm Gonna Frackin' Die!"

"Oops." said Marge as she saw what had happened.

"You REALLY need to get your Road Rage problem in check, honey." Homer sighed.

Bob looked up ahead and saw that a set of tollbooths were up ahead.

"Exact change?! Goddamn it!" he yelled to himself. He quickly reached into his wallet and counted out some African currency.

As the gurney rolled up to the barrier arm approaching in Bob's lane, he threw the coins into the bin. Thankfully, the arm raised and the gurney rolled through.

The Manhattan Spirit and the Kowalski both crashed through the barrier arm in the lane on Bob's right.

Missy kept her eyes on the gurney as Sissy rejoined her in the front.

"Run that pudgy shitstain down!" Sissy yelled.

Chrissy stuck her head into the front. "Yeah, make roadkill out of him!"

Missy's nostrils twitched a bit. "What smells like piss?"

"Shut up!" yelled Chrissy.

While Missy was distracted, Marge used the Kowalski to do a PIT manuever and spun the Manhattan Spirit out. This caused the ambulance to go off the road and towards a low clearing under an overpass.

The old ambulance slammed head on into the clearing and immediately stuck there, due to the sirens on the roof.

"SHIT!" the three girls yelled.

"I wonder if they're okay." Bob joked to himself as his gurney finally came to a halt.

The Kowalski pulled up alongside him and stopped.

"Want a lift back to your team?" Marge asked. "We heard they're still in the city."

"Thank you very much, guys!" Bob said.

Maggie laughed and clapped her hands in joy.

"Hold on a second." Bob then said seriously. He reached into his pocket and took out two packs of cigarettes and his lighter and threw both away.

"Don't want to give the kids bad ideas." he explained to Homer and Marge.

"That's very kind of you." Marge smiled.

"Ehhh, they'll probably pick some up by themselves later in life." Homer sighed.

* * *

The convoy of Emissaries drove down a dirt road towards Yendys. The driver of the vehicle carrying Liam and Laura watched the road ahead of him while his guard looked out the window at the scenery.

The vehicle approached a pass between two embankments. Suddenly, an explosion went off and a landslide poured into the lead Emissary, knocking it into the opposite embankment.

The guard lifted his head and saw the driver was knocked unconscious. He then grabbed his weapon and climbed out.

He saw the driver and guard from the other Emissary approach him. The other guard signaled the driver to stay with the vehicles. The guards then walked over to the landslide and started to check it out.

Meanwhile, Snake Eyes jumped off the embankment and landed behind the driver. He then put the driver in a headlock, ripped off his helmet, and knocked him out.

Snake Eyes then took out his sword and sliced open the lock on the rear doors. He pulled the doors open and signaled Liam and Laura to remain quiet. He took out an electronic lockpick for their bonds as they smiled at him.

The two guards finished their inspection of the landslide and returned to the Emissaries. They found the driver lying unconscious and ran over. As they checked him out, they heard an engine start. They looked up to see the Maniac 2 had been started.

Liam drove the Maniac 2 down the front of the Emissary and performed a spinout. He then raced off in the opposite direction. The guards raised their weapons, but the Maniac 2 was already gone.

* * *

Team Mario, Team Drake, and Team Fairlane were now in the same convoy as Team Bluth, Team Sims, and the Megere team. A couple more had joined them, such as Team Rocket, Team Rush and the Fleetline driver .

"Brilliant!" Jessie grumbled sarcastically in the Peligro. "I regain my sanity after what happened in Greece and now yet another thing has happened that would drive somebody mad!"

"What's driving US mad is having to listen to your goddamn whining." said Cole over the radio. "And I thought your boyfriend there was the whiny one."

Jessie and James both turned red, with Jessie looking outraged.

"He is NOT my boyfriend!" Jessie yelled.

"Tell that to some of the YouTube users who've made videos about the two of you." Venom teased.

"Glad someone's trying to keep a bit of good humour around here." David remarked.

"Uh, guys, I hate to break up a fascinating conversation, but we ARE being followed." Ty remarked.

"How did you spot 'em?" asked Trikz

"Mystery Man there just sent me a text." Ty replied, nodding to Fleetline guy.

"You exchanged numbers?" asked Lana.

"Only to keep track with each other as to how our little side-bet is going." Trikz confirmed. "Still didn't give us his handle, though."

"How did HE know we were being followed?" Lana asked.

"Nothing gets past me, pretty lady." FG said over the radio. "And I tend to notice when a strange-looking pack of vehicles keeps trying to simultaneously keep pace with me and yet keep their distance."

"Who is it? Those soldiers?" asked Bob. "Do they have grilled cheese?"

"No. It's those guys in the muscle cars with the tinted windows and crash helmets. There's only three of them, but the Charger's carrying two." FG said.

"So many assholes. So little time." Ford grumbled.

"Are we coming up on any civilisation?" asked Don.

Ron checked Google Maps on his phone again while the Drake and Venom sighed deeply at seeing him pulling it out again.

"There's just an old ghost town up ahead. We'll be there in about ten minutes." said Ron.

"How far behind us are those sleazeoids?" asked Jazz.

"About fifteen minutes behind, but gaining a bit." said FG.

"Sounds like we got time to make a stand." smirked the Drake.

"Not more danger!" whined James.

"Oh, grow a set for God's sake!" Giovanni snapped.

"He has a point." said Bella. "Maybe a more subtle approach will work. We can save a scuffle for a last resort."

"Well, then, let's do it." said Darryl. "Show them that we are righteous!"

"Okay. Pedals to the metal, everybody!" said Sonic. "We'll give 'em a welcome party they won't forget!"

"I've got some little toys in my trunk which should help out." FG chuckled.

* * *

"What we've got here is a problem." said Lone Wolf. "Over there is the border with Dorajland. Unfortunately, the Brotherhood of Nod has it cut off from its neighbors. Getting past them would be difficult at best and even if we did, they'd still get the message out to their superiors that we're in the country. If anyone has any ideas, I'd like to hear them."

"Nothing comes to mind." said Bulletproof. "It looks like Kane has all the bases covered. All entrances are covered and going over will surely get us detected."

They heard an engine and looked to see Skeeter's van approaching. He parked and climbed out. "Michael said I should come help you." he said.

"Well, join the brainstorming session." said Hardtop. "We still don't have an idea of how to enter the country."

"Hang on." said Skeeter. "I gotta take a whiz first."

Banner and his men spied on the protectors from the trees.

"Daddy, let's go get them." whispered Junior.

"Buford, does your son understand proper police procedure?" asked Banner.

"He doesn't even understand the alphabet." said Buford.

Virginia snuck up behind Banner. "What are you doing?" she whispered.

"We're performing a stakeout." said Banner.

"On whom?" asked Clouseau as he and Cato snuck up behind him.

"Those men." said Banner. "The protectors of the Cannonball Run entrants."

"The Cannonball Run entrants." said Virginia. "Would that include Dominic Toretto?"

"Excuse me, but who the hell are you?" asked Banner.

"Virginia Fairchild, parole officer, Los Angeles Police Department."

"And I am Inspector Clouseau of the Paris police."

"I am in pursuit of a parole violator who is in the race." said Virginia.

"And I am 'ere for justeese." said Clouseau.

"Just ease?" asked Willenholly.

"Justeese." said Clouseau.

"Just e's?" asked Bender.

"Justeese." said Clouseau.

"Quiet!" whispered Banner. "Something's happening."

Skeeter ran back to the protectors. "Guys?" he asked. "I think I found something that might help! Come on!"

He led the protectors to a boarded up cave.

"What do you have here?" asked Highway.

"While I was peeing, I heard something hollow." said Skeeter. "I think there might be something in there."

Hardtop walked over to the cave. "It appears to be an abandoned mine." he said. "It appears to be wide enough for cars to enter."

"Dorajland has quite a lot of mines." said Bullseye.

"Not surprising." said Lone Wolf. "Their economy was based on the mining and export of iridium. Most of their mines have been run dry."

"The iridium from this mine just might be in our vehicles' spark plugs." said Bulletproof. "But can this mine get us into Dorajland?"

"One way to find out." said Hardtop. He activated a camera drone and sent it into the mine.

* * *

A battalion of PALM soldiers sat waiting with weapons ready at a blockade of their attack SUVs and motorcycles on the long highway between Lodwar and Kitale in Kenya. They were waiting to intercept Michael Knight as he made his way to deal with Garthe.

"(How long do we have to be here?)" complained one soldier.

"(You heard Mr. Knight! Michael Knight has to come this way according to where KARR tracked his transmission.)" another said. "(We have to make sure he doesn't live to see morning, let alone make it to the meeting. So, quit whining!)"

A soldier watching over the radar picked up a blip.

"(Sir! I'm tracking Michael Knight now! He's about a mile from here!)"

"(Everybody into position!)" the head soldier yelled.

The PALM men took up their postions with machine guns, RPGs, and assault rifles ready.

As they waited, they suddenly looked confused as they heard the sounds of three other engines approaching. The radar op checked his display again, but could see nothing else approaching.

Just then, two sets of bright headlights came on about 500 feet away, showing two vehicles driving side by side. It was the Reckoning and the Wildchild.

Keith and Robert were hanging out the two rear windows of the Reckoning while Claude stood up out of the custom roof hatch they had put in with his machine gun ready.

Richard had activated a series of mounted guns in the front of the Wildchild and also had his own gun pointed out of the driver's side window.

"Remember, tranqs for the soldiers and live ammo for the vehicles." Alan called from the driver's seat of the Reckoning.

"Ten-four!" Richard replied

A few of the PALM soldiers tried to fire but were quickly downed by tranq bullets fired by Richard, Keith and Robert from their sidearms.

Others had to take cover as the PALM vehicles were hit by live ammo fire from Claude's machine gun and the mounted guns on the Wildchild.

A few of the soldiers panicked and ran for cover as their comrades fell unconscious and their vehicles were being cut to shreds. Some of them helped to move the fallen soldiers away as they saw that the next stage of this sneak attack was coming as the Wildchild and the Reckoning broke ranks and drove off the road.

A loud air-horn blared and the FLAG semi now made an approach. On its front, a heavy duty set of fenders had been attached. In the driver's seat, RC3 pressed a button and the fenders extended out to become a battering ram.

A few of the soldiers at the roadside tried to shoot the truck, but the bullets deflected off of it.

The semi ploughed into the wrecked vehicles and cleared the road completely.

In the wake of the three vehicles, the Barbarian appeared and casually drove through the cleared roadblock.

"Hell of a mess, huh KITT?" Michael joked.

"Very funny, Michael." KITT deadpanned.

Two PALM soldiers angrily ran off into the desert for a few yards and got on a pair of motorcycles they had kept as a back-up. They mounted them, put their helmets on, and started their bikes up.

As the Barbarian moved around to the side of the FLAG semi, Michael spoke to Bonnie over the comms.

"So, a new stealth device so radar couldn't pick the truck or the other guys up and new armour for the truck too?" Michael asked.

"Yep. The stealth device was based on something used by the Air Raid chopper the C.O.P.S. in Empire City use." Bonnie said. "Plus, I figured it would help if Goliath also met something its own size to pick on for once. The armour's not as strong as the MBS, but still tough."

"You were indeed busy, Bonnie." KITT added. "Do you ever sleep?"

"Only physically." Bonnie replied mischievously.

The two PALM motorcyclists were catching up and activated machine guns mounted on the front of their bikes. They started to strafe the FLAG convoy with gunfire.

"Guess those guys can't count." Michael said. "Son, you're up." he then added over the comms.

"Roger." Mike Traceur's voice added as he came up a short distance behind the bikes in KITT 3000. As he got a safe distance away from the cycles, he pressed a button marked 'Twin Turbo' and KITT 3000 jumped to a very high speed.

"Pleased to meet you, gentlemen." KITT 3000 smugly said as he turned on his highbeams and let the PALM bikers see that he was right on top of them.

KITT 3000 practically scraped the rear wheels of both motorcycles and they tried to avoid him.

Mike stayed with them and forced them towards an approaching guard rail at a hard left turn.

The bikes crashed and the soldiers were thrown from them and fell down a steep embankment.

KITT 3000 came to a halt to have a look at what happened. His scanner pulsed red as he checked the condition of the soldiers.

"More than a little bruised and a few broken bones, Michael, but they'll live." he said.

"Good job." Mike said as he contacted the others. "No fatalities, guys, but we've beat Garthe's first attempt to hold us back."

"Roger." Richard replied.

"You can bet now that there'll be others." Michael said. "I hope the guys who went through Dorajland are having it easier than this."

* * *

The G. and MASK 2 teams looked over their cars in a small town.

"Well, everything looks to be in order." said Clutch.

"Yeah, I think it's time to head out." said Liam.

"Thanks, guys." said Max. "That was a big one."

"Don't worry about it." said Stalker. "Let's just say you owe us a favor."

The teams returned to their cars.

"I would have offered to heal that guy's injuries." said Laura. "However, he managed to pull off the rescue without harm to himself."

"Dude's a natural." said Max.

The Joes pulled out and drove off. The MASK agents climbed into the Maniac 2.

"Okay, let's get going and hopefully, no more drama." said Liam.

The Usagi pulled up in front of them.

"Guys, we need your help with a new threat." said Veronica.

"Oh, for Pete's sake." said Liam.

"Can you define 'new threat'?" asked Laura.

The ABC Robot tore through a nearby building.

"That." said Buffy.

"Is that one of Dr. Frankenstein's toys?" asked Max.

"I don't know." said Veronica. "But someone's getting it back broken."

Liam and Laura climbed out of the Maniac 2. Max transformed the car.

"Watch as the wily uberdude carefully tracks his prey." said Max.

He trained the Maniac 2's cannons on the Robot and fired. The shots connected with the ABC Robot's torso, but didn't do any damage.

"That's not good." said Max. "That's not good at all!"

"Try the missiles!" yelled Laura.

"Wait, let me try something else!" said Liam. "Twister, on!"

His mask projected a pair of tornadoes. They engulfed the ABC Robot and lifted it into the air. The Robot fell back to the ground unharmed.

"This is not going well!" said Liam.

"Duh!" snapped Max.

"We went to these guys for help?" asked Veronica.

"I think we could use a new plan." said Jordan.

"Right." said Buffy. "Normal methods aren't working. Maybe we should try something supernatural."

"But who?" asked Veronica.

"Wait, that guy who was with Rockatansky?" said Jordan. "There was something off about him."

"You think we should call him?" asked Buffy.

"I'll get on the radio." said Veronica.

Liam, Laura, and Max continued to attack the ABC Robot.

"Now, should I try the missiles?" asked Max.

"Might as well." said Liam. "We tried everything else."

"Hey, I haven't tried anything!" said Laura.

"Like what?" snapped Liam. "Heal the thing?"

"Well, it worked with the vampires!" said Laura.

The Black Knight raced into town and screeched to a halt. Max Rockatansky and Jake climbed out.

"So what seems to be the...holy crap!" yelled Mad Max.

"Oh good, the cavalry's arrived." said Buffy.

"You can forget attacking it!" said Liam. "We've been hitting it with our best!"

"Guess it's our turn." said Jake. He pulled out his shotgun and ran towards the Robot.

"He's kind of a cockeyed optimist." said Mad Max as he took out his shotgun and joined him.

Jake and Mad Max stood before the ABC Robot with their shotguns trained on it.

"Aim for the joints?" asked Jake.

"That's the plan." said Mad Max.

"Of course!" groaned Max O'Grady. "Attack the joints!"

Mad Max fired at the Robot's right knee while Jake fired on the left shoulder. The Robot dropped a little as its knee buckled and its left arm hung at an odd angle.

"They're doing it." said Jordan.

Mad Max fired at the Robot's hip joint. The Robot started to limp. Jake fired on its neck. The head tilted slightly to the side.

"It's working, but not fast enough." said Laura.

"My, aren't we impatient?" said Jake.

"Hey, you should have a sitcom." said Max O'Grady.

"I have an idea." said Veronica. "See that gas station? What do gas stations have?"

"A gold-colored, highly explosive liquid." said Buffy.

"I get it." said Liam. "We lead him into the station and blow it sky high."

"I'm on it." said Max O'Grady. He fired his cannons at the Robot, then transformed the Maniac 2 back into a car. He drove towards the gas station slowly and watched as the Robot followed him.

"That's it, big boy." said Buffy. "Head towards the station full of boom."

Max O'Grady drove between the pumps and parked on the other side of the street. He transformed the Maniac 2 back into a tank.

"Steady, steady." said Jake.

The ABC Robot walked between the pumps.

"Now!" yelled Jake.

Max O'Grady fired the Maniac 2's guns and hit the pumps. The gas station blew up in a massive fireball.

"Well, that was a pretty big boom!" said Buffy. "I don't see how he could possibly survive that!"

"I hope not!" said Jordan. "Then we just destroyed the town's only gas station for nothing!"

The racers watched the burning gas station. Max O'Grady changed the Maniac 2 back into a car.

"Looks like that's that." said Liam.

"Don't be so sure." said Veronica.

The remains of the ABC Robot crawled out of the fire. The head, spinal column, and right arm were all that were left.

"What do we have to do stop this thing? Pants him?" asked Jordan.

The ABC Robot raised its arm to fire. However, the power cable for the cannons no longer connected to anything.

"I think we already stopped him." said Max O'Grady.

"Yeah, he's no longer a threat." said Buffy. "Loser."

"Let's go." said Jordan.

The racers returned to their vehicles and took off. The Usagi and Maniac 2 raced off in one direction while the Black Knight tore off in the other. The ABC Robot continued to drag itself across the street. That's when the Black Knight came racing back and ran it over, destroying it completely.

"That's your idea of a mercy killing?" Jake joked at Mad Max.

* * *

Lone Wolf got ready to enter the tunnel. "We're ready to enter." he said into the radio. "Hardtop's drone revealed that the tunnel runs all the way to Dorajland."

"Good luck in there." said Brock.

"Your combat skills will be put to the test." said J.J. "That's a terrorist army you're dealing with in there. I hope for your victory and survival."

"We're counting on you guys." said Victor. "I'll have lunch waiting for you when you get back."

Virginia climbed into the Orange Crush. "So, we're going to follow them." she said.

"They have a direct path into Dorajland." said Banner. "And that means we can get those Cannonballers."

"Quick question." said Highway. "How are we going to get through the boards?"

"Like this." said Skeeter. He put his van into gear and rammed the boards. They quickly fell off and he drove through.

"Oh, Lone Wolf." said Brock. "Jimmy Eat World wanted to give you some well wishing."

"Hey, what's up, Lone Wolf?" asked Jim Adkins.

"We wanted to wish you luck on your mission of protection." said Rick Burch.

"Yeah, we've got a major bet on Mario's team." said Zach Lind.

"And we've got a little song to drive you on." said Tom Linton.

Tom started on his guitar as the protectors entered the tunnel. Banner and the other cops (along with Virginia and Clouseau) drove in after them as Zach took to his drums.

"Hey, Bulletproof!" said Highway. "We've got some new friends back there!"

"I see them." said Bulletproof. "Looks like Banner's come out to play."

"Got it." said Lone Wolf as he floored the accelerator. Jim started to sing.

**Revolution, we're the solution.**  
**We're gonna take it to the overload.**  
**Rebel, radical retribution.**  
**We're here to get what we are owed.**

Lone Wolf swerved around a support pillar and entered the right side of a dividing wall. Banner kept to the left and accelerated.

**I think my head, my head is gonna explode.**  
**I think my head is gonna explode.**  
**I think my brain is gonna overload.**  
**I think my head is gonna explode.**

Montoya accelerated and closed in on Highway. Highway noticed her and banked into the passage next to him.

**We're unified in a sonic nation.**  
**Leave all the fakers and the lies behind.**  
**You want to meet us in a confrontation.**  
**Our psychic weapons will destroy your mind.**

Virginia pulled into the right side of the tunnel and passed Skeeter. Skeeter got on the brakes.

**I think my head, my head is gonna explode.**  
**I think my head is gonna explode.**  
**I think my brain is gonna overload.**  
**I think my head is gonna explode.**

Clouseau maneuvered in front of Highway's Turbo Cycle. Highway swerved into the other side of the tunnel.

**Now is the time, yeah.**  
**To do it right.**  
**Take no more lies.**  
**Make up your mind, yeah.**

Willenholly swerved around the Euros into the other side of the tunnel. That's when he noticed the tunnel was about to go to one lane.

**The witch doctors and the politicians.**  
**They rule by fear and try to keep us down.**  
**But they can't see that these conditions.**  
**Will spark the fury of the underground.**

"Bail out!" yelled Amos. Willenholly threw open the door of the Nightcrawler and he and Amos jumped out.

**I see it on the global transmission.**  
**It's almost ready to overload.**  
**I see a dark apocalyptic vision.**  
**One minute now, the world is gonna explode.**

Willenholly and Amos dove onto the rear of the Euros as the Nightcrawler crashed into the wall and exploded.

**I think my head, my head is gonna explode.**  
**I think my head is gonna explode.**  
**I think my brain is gonna overload.**  
**I think my head is gonna explode.**

Banner and his men slowed down when they saw the Nightcrawler crash. Skeeter and Highway retook their positions.

**I think my head, my head is gonna explode.**  
**I think my head is gonna explode.**  
**I think my brain is gonna overload.**  
**I think my head is gonna explode.**

"I see the exit!" yelled Lone Wolf. He aimed the Silver Bullet at the boarded up tunnel entrance and plowed through. The other protectors and cops poured out after him.

**Revolution, we're the solution.**  
**Revolution, we're the solution.**

-"Meltdown" by Ash.

Lone Wolf and the others raced for the highway.

"Must have been a rockin' performance." said Highway.

"Yeah." said Lone Wolf. "Too bad we couldn't hear it since we were underground."

"Now, let's take them in." said Banner.

He went to make his move and got cut off by a tractor trailer. The protectors made their way further into the country while the cops found themselves unable to pursue.

"Is this the way you normally run your operations?" asked Virginia.

* * *

The Killer Cars pulled into the ghost town and looked around for any signs of the Cannonballers they had been following.

They could see no sign of the Cannonballers or their vehicles.

"Something stinks here." AMX remarked. "Any recommendations?"

"Let's go and look for the bastards and see if they want to play." Camaro replied.

"Gear up." said Charger as the four assassins put their helmets on and got their guns ready.

The four got out of their three vehicles and started to stalk carefully around the town.

As their attention was distracted, Ford Fairlane climbed out of the back of an old truck trailer, accompanied by Michael and Buster Bluth, Joe Astor, Trikz and James from Team Rocket. Joe carried a toolkit.

"Okay. Time to give these assholes the same kind of trouble they've been giving us." Trikz whispered as he passed out a few tools to each of the group.

"Are you guys sure you can handle vehicle sabotage?" Ford asked James and the Bluths.

"Oh, please." snorted James. "In all the years we chased the twerp and his Pikachu around, our team had much experience with building and maintaining various mechs. I know what I'm doing."

"Okay. How about you guys?" Trikz asked Michael as Buster took a pair of pliers and went to work on the Charger.

"Well, you know of how our family made its money in construction, Joe." Michael said. "I'm sure that vehicular sabotage will be no problem for us."

"Uh, Michael..." Buster spoke up awkwardly.

Michael turned to look at Buster and saw that he had managed to get the Charger's door slightly open but not unlocked and had caught the front portion of his pants in the crack.

Michael sighed deeply and rolled his eyes. He pulled Buster free, ripping his pants in the process.

"You just keep a look out instead, okay?" Ford sighed.

Meanwhile, Camaro and Charger had entered an old cafe and looked around with caution.

For a brief second a strange wind seemed to blow through the building, which spooked the pair a bit.

Camaro suddenly went stiff for a second and dropped his gun. He then removed his helmet.

"What in the f..." Charger started.

Before he could finish, he felt a sudden electric shock go through his body.

He twitched and fell to the ground unconscious. As he fell down, one of Bob Newbie's SentryBots was revealed. It had shocked Charger unconscious.

"Shocking. Absolutely shocking." Bob's voice said through a speaker on the SentryBot in an imitation of Sean Connery's voice.

Camaro watched all of this with a curiously blank expression on his face. Suddenly, he punched himself in the jaw.

"Hey, don't hit yourself!" he said with Elizabeth's voice. From the back room, David and Darryl laughed as they knew that Elizabeth had possessed Camaro shortly after he had walked in.

Elizabeth made Camaro punch himself again.

"Hey, come on! Don't hit yourself!" she joked. "I think you're going to knock yourself out!"

Elizabeth had Camaro pick his gun up and turn it around. She then had him hit himself on the back of the head with the butt of the gun.

"Told ya so." Elizabeth joked as she left Camaro's body and he fell down unconscious.

"Righteous!" Darryl whispered.

"Well done, sweetheart." David smiled.

"Thanks, but remind me never to do that again." Elizabeth said as she held her head. "Because I now have a bit of a headache!"

Outside in the town square, Jessie, Meowth, and Giovanni leaned out of an upstairs window on an old police station as Stingray and AMX walked past.

"SURPRISE!" Meowth yelled as the three of them dropped some small but powerful sphere bombs to the ground.

"SHIT!" yelled Stingray as she and AMX dove for cover before being caught up in the miniature blast.

As they avoided the explosion, the two of them got ready to fire their guns. They soon came under fire from Ty and FG who were at the top of a water tower armed with machine pistols.

The two of them made sure not to do any serious harm, but just keep the two assassins pinned down.

"Take them out!" yelled Stingray as she fired shots from her machine gun.

Ty and FG made sure to avoid the shots aimed at them by ducking behind the water tower's tank.

Team Rocket caused even more trouble by throwing some more small bombs. They made sure not to hit anywhere near Stingray and AMX but just make sure they didn't escape.

On top of a high billboard, Mario and Luigi both used Fire Flowers on themselves and added to the attack by shooting fireballs.

Tails joined in by flying over the two assassins and dropping a smoke bomb to blind them.

"Goddamn it!" yelled AMX.

On the roof of a garage, Venom kept the two of them pinned down even more by firing shots from a sniper rifle.

He also didn't hit them but just kept them pinned down.

"They're a bunch of tenacious bastards." Ron said, nearby.

"Give 'em enough time. They'll run out of ammo or guts soon enough. Maybe both." the Drake added.

Back at the villains' cars, Joe had finished his act of sabotage on the AMX and headed back for cover.

Ford tinkered under the Stingray. He looked over at James who worked on the Charger. James looked like he had no clue what he was doing.

"Come on, Liberace! You're draggin' your ass!" Ford taunted.

"Oh yeah?!" James said. "I bet I can get it finished before you do!"

"Forget that!" Ford said. "I bet we can take all four of these dickheads out before you even break a sweat!"

"You're on!" yelled James as he resumed cranking even harder with his wrench.

Over at the square, Stingray and AMX had run out of ammo. The Cannonballers saw this and ceased their assault.

"Let's get out of here!" yelled AMX as he and Stingray ran.

"Kill ya later, morons!" Stingray threatened. "Count on it!"

Ford rolled out from under the Stingray and ran for the Overlord which had pulled up nearby.

"Get in! Quick!" Jazz yelled as she sat at the steering wheel.

As Stingray and AMX ran over, they both saw the Overlord do a reverse 180 and head out of the town after Ford jumped in.

"Son of a bitch!" AMX yelled. "We're going after Fonzie there!"

"You bet!" Stingray replied as she ran for her Corvette and fired it up.

As Stingray drove off at high speed after the Overlord, AMX got into his car and prepared to follow.

Just as he started the engine and tried to drive forward, there was a scraping noise.

The body of the car roared forward and then hit the ground.

AMX looked out in shock and realised that the wheels had been sawn off at the axle.

"SHIT!" he yelled.

Before he could react, another of Bob's SentryBots hovered over and extended its shocker arm in through AMX's window and shocked him into unconsciousness as well.

"I had a feeling your robot crafting station would come in handy." Mortimer said as he patted Bob on the back in their hiding spot.

"No problem." smirked Bob.

Stingray pursued the Overlord along a salt flat outside the town.

Jazz went hell-for-leather and made good time on the Corvette.

"Are you sure she'll use her nitrous?" asked Don.

"She'll have to if she wants to catch up!" Ford replied.

Stingray reached into her glove compartment and took out a Desert Eagle.

Keeping one hand on the steering wheel and one foot on the accelerator, she leaned out her open window and took a few pot shots at the old Fairlane as it gained more ground on her.

Blinded by her anger, she reached for the button to activate her nitrous. As the boost was activated, something went wrong.

A warning light flashed on her dashboard and suddenly the Corvette went crazy. It started to do doughnuts around the desert floor and go completely out of control.

Stingray was absolutely stunned. Since she was still hanging halfway out the window, she was thrown from her car and landed with a loud thump on the sand as her car careened off, even more out of control.

It hit a large rock and smashed itself to pieces. The wreckage then burst into flames.

Ford looked a bit shocked about that development. "Holy shit! That wasn't supposed to happen!"

"Did you even know what you did to her nitrous?" asked Jazz. "I mean, you've never worked with it before."

"I guess I didn't know." Ford said sheepishly. "Pure dumb luck, I suppose."

Don looked back to see Stingray get to her feet, and stagger around in a daze.

"Good. She's still alive." Don said. He then spoke into a walkie-talkie.

"Sonic, time for the dragon lady here to go night-night." he smirked.

As Stingray was distracted by the destruction of her car, a blue blur suddenly raced towards her. Before she knew it, a pad soaked in chloroform was clamped around her nose and mouth. As she fell unconscious, Sonic kept her from falling to the ground.

"Don't let the bed bugs paralyse." he joked. "Because they might in this country."

* * *

As the sun rose over Dorajland the next morning, Yuri's Floating Disc descended to the ground and a hatch opened on it. Out of the hatch drove the Snakehead, which had DeMarco and Dr. Badvibes riding in it and a bronze metallic 1966 Cadillac Funeral Coach with mag wheels and a supercharger with a bug catcher fitted into the hood. Lester and Luther rode in it.

"Where did you get that thing?" Badvibes asked.

"Golem allowed us to use it." Luther replied. "It used to belong to an old wrestling rival of his called the Reaperman. After Golem finally ended his in-ring career, part of the stipulation was that he hand over his vehicle collection. He was quite into custom cars."

"This one here is called the Handbasket." Lester added. "Appropriate considering the hell we're going to give the Cannonballers."

"Yeah, well I hope we can avoid getting caught up with these Nod scumbags." DeMarco said as he spoke into a communicator to Yuri. "Are you sure you can give us a window for attack on the Cannonballers, Yuri?"

"Certainly." Yuri replied. "A fleet of Discs will arrive inside the hour. Kane will find himself in a spot of bother."

"Alles klar, herr Commissar." smirked DeMarco.

"What is it with you guys and 80s one-hit wonders?" Yuri asked.

"Horace and our 'special guest' are still out there. I'll signal them when we need them." Badvibes reported.

Badvibes suddenly heard a beeping noise and reached into his pocket. He looked at his cellphone after taking it out.

"What's up?" asked DeMarco.

"According to this, an alarm's been tripped at my lab back in Empire City." Badvibes shrugged. "Probably nothing."

"How can you be so casual about it?" DeMarco asked in concern.

"Because it's probably a false alarm." Badvibes said. "The last time I got that warning it turned out it was Buzzbomb snooping around to find where I was hiding his steel-wool cookies."

"Okay." said DeMarco. "Speaking of Empire City, it should be just about now that Big Boss will receive his visitors from Duckburg."

* * *

A Well-Stacked Pizza delivery van pulled up outside Big Boss' skyscraper headquarters in Empire City. Bankjob Beagle was in the driver's seat with Bigtime sitting next to him. Out of the back of the van climbed Ma, Burger, Bouncer, and Babyface who were all dressed as delivery guys. All four of them wore earpieces.

Bigtime spoke into a microphone on the headset he was wearing. "You hear all right, guys and gal?" he asked.

"Roger." Ma, Bouncer, and Babyface replied.

"Fred." Burger said.

"Huh?" everybody else chorused.

"I'm tired of hearing about Roger." Burger replied. "That stupid rabbit's been mailing it in for years."

Ma clipped Burger's ear. "Keep your mind on the mission!" she snapped.

"Ow!" whined Burger as he rubbed his ear.

The four of them reached into the rear of the van and each pulled out a stack of five pizza boxes.

They walked up to the entrance of the skyscraper.

Ma pressed the buzzer button and spoke into the speaker.

"Well-Stacked Pizza here, with the twenty Mighty Meat Feast order for Mr. Babel's party tonight." she said.

Squeaky watched all of them through a security camera which was above the door.

"I'll just buzz you in now." he said as he buzzed the door.

As the four notorious criminals walked in, Big Boss wandered out of his office and caught sight of them on Squeaky's monitor.

"Hold on a minute!" he said as he got a good look at them.

He pressed a red button on the console.

As Ma and her sons walked through the skyscraper's foyer, a loud alarm sounded and steel shutters closed over the main door and a plexiglass screen closed off the route in front of them.

"Uh oh!" Ma mumbled to herself.

Babyface dropped to the ground and started crying.

"It wasn't my fault! They made me do it!" he whined.

"Ya little weasel!" Bouncer growled as he picked Babyface up by his collar.

"Will everyone please calm down?!" snapped Ma.

The express elevator reached the foyer and Big Boss exited it, with Squeaky and Buttons along with him. Buttons had his suit jacket open and aimed the twin machine guns he had built into his chest at the Beagles. Big Boss carried his own gun-cane.

Big Boss signalled to Squeaky, who used a hand-held remote to shut the alarm off. Big Boss looked at his visitors coldly.

"Ma Beagle. As I live and breathe." he said. "And some of your wonderful brood as well."

"Now, Brandon, I'm sure there's no need for violence." Ma said in a sweet voice as she pouted.

"Violence?" Big Boss raised an eyebrow and then broke into a big smile. "I wouldn't dream of it. Especially with such an old and valued friend and colleague."

He signalled to Squeaky again. Using the remote, Squeaky opened the shutters on the main door and raised the plexiglass screen.

Big Boss went forward with his arms raised to give Ma a big hug. Ma smirked and put her stack of pizzas down so she could accept his hug.

"It's great to see you again, bubby." Ma smiled.

"And you too, my dear." Big Boss replied as he broke the hug. "You know you never have to try and sneak into my humble abode. You are always welcome here. But thanks for bringing my party food as well."

Big Boss turned to Buttons. "You can put them away now, McBoomBoom. The Beagles are honoured guests in my home."

"If you say so." said Buttons as he folded up his chest guns and buttoned his jacket up again.

"Come on, boys. Allow me to show you around." Big Boss said as he lead the way.

As the Beagle Boys smiled and joined the group, Bouncer hung back a bit and whispered over his earpiece.

"We're in." he smirked.

* * *

The FLAG operatives had just passed Nairobi and were now on the final stretch towards the Tsavo National Park for the confrontation with Garthe and KARR. The FLAG semi lead the way while the Barbarian, Wildchild, KITT 3000 and the Reckoning were bringing up the rear.

"At this rate, we should be there by dawn." KITT 3000 reported.

"I just wish we could have a hearty breakfast to get the energy for battle." Mike Traceur joked.

From a nearby ridge, the three Pollution Ministers and a few more PALM troops watched the convoy through binoculars.

"(This is our last chance to stop Michael Knight before he reaches Garthe-san.)" Yogostein announced. "(So, let's make sure that we show him once and for all that he's not dealing with rank amateurs!)"

"(Be sure of it.)" smirked Kegaleisa as she and Kitaneidas walked over to a jeep which had a missile launcher fitted in its' cargo area. The PALM troops climbed into similar vehicles and a few more motorcycles. Yogostein himself got into a Chevrolet C20 truck which was heavily armoured. The group of villains started up their engines and drove off across country to the highway.

A couple of the motorcycles came up behind the Wildchild. The soldiers riding on the rear of the bikes unholstered their shotguns and began firing.

"Oh no, you don't!" Richard said as each motorcycle got on his left and right sides. He pressed a button on his dashboard and a jet of CO2 gas shot out of a hatch on each side of the Wildchild.

This stunned the PALM motorcycles and caused the passengers to lose their grips and fall off. After that, Richard swerved to the left and knocked the first cycle off into the bush. He then did the same with the one on his right.

A couple more cycles roared out onto the road ahead of them and engaged KITT 3000. Mike Traceur activated a tranq gun port on the black Mustang's rear and took out the gunmen on the bike rears before they could open fire on him and then hit the drivers. They all piled up their cycles and fell off to the side of the road.

"Everything okay back there?" asked Michael Knight.

"Nothing we can't handle, Dad." Mike replied.

"Mr. Knight, Dr. Barstow! Look out!" KITT 3000 warned as the missile-equipped jeeps and Yogostein's armoured truck entered the fray.

"(Take care of the truck and Michael Knight!)" Yogostein ordered. "(I'll deal with these fools!)".

Kegaleisa, Kitaneidas and the PALM jeep troops drove forward to attack the FLAG semi and the Barbarian as Yogostein drove his truck towards the three back-up vehicles.

"Not on my watch, pal!" Claude said in the Reckoning. He flipped a switch and the silver Dodge vehicle suddenly rose up on its tyres. The tyres then inflated to a huge size.

Yogostein went to ram head on into the Reckoning, but the VSSE vehicle was barely scratched when he hit it. Yogostein's truck, however, was very dented and some of the armour plates had begun to fall off.

When the Wildchild had caught up, Richard added to the damage with a few well-aimed shots from his gun.

Meanwhile, the jeeps had reached the front of the convoy and were aiming at the FLAG semi.

"(We take this big brute out first, and Knight is helpless!)" laughed Kitaneidas.

"RC, hit number six on the control panel!" Bonnie ordered in the rear of the semi.

"Affirmative!" RC3 confirmed as he pressed a button and the rear door of the semi opened up.

"(WHAT?!)" Kegaleisa said in disbelief as the door raised.

In the hatchway were huge stacks of oil barrels with rags stuffed in them which had been set alight. A set of crude but effective explosives.

"(Son of a bitch!)" Kegaleisa sighed as the stacks of oil barrels were tilted out of the semi's trailer.

Kegaleisa and Kitaneidas managed to avoid them, but most of the PALM jeeps were set on fire and their drivers had to abandon them before they exploded at the roadside.

"(Take this fool out!)" Kegaleisa yelled as Kitaneidas aimed and fired missiles at the semi's smoke stacks and trailer. The FLAG truck was damaged but was holding up alright.

Behind them, Yogostein had turned his truck around again and raced head-on for the Reckoning once again.

Wesley activated another function in the car. It suddenly tilted forward on its rear wheels so that the hood was facing right at the ground. The hood then raised and tilted forwards and upwards like a ramp.

"(DAMN YOU!)" yelled Yogostein as his truck went up the impromptu ramp and flipped over in the air as it flew off to the side.

The Chevy truck hit the ground and was smashed into junk.

As Yogostein fled from the wreckage, KITT 3000 pulled to the side of the road and fired a laser blast at the wrecked C-30, making it explode.

"I hope he can run fast." KITT 3000 joked.

Kegaleisa and Kitaneidas had continued to fire missiles at the FLAG semi. The Barbarian had got behind them. KITT fired a laser blast at the jeep's missile launcher, shorting it out.

"Michael, I'm detecting that we're approaching a railway line. And there's a train passing now!"

"Damn!" Michael mumbled. "RC, pull back! We can finish off these guys!"

"Hold on, Michael! I can make it!" RC3 replied as he approached the railway crossing.

"You can make it?!" Michael, Bonnie and KITT chorused in disbelief.

"You may wanna brace yourself, though, Bonnie!" RC added.

As the semi bore down on the train as it passed, a couple of flatbed cars being pulled by the train were passing.

"BANZAI!" yelled RC as he hit the accelerator on the semi and jumped a small mound of earth by the side of the railway.

As the teams in the Barbarian, Wildchild, KITT 3000 and Reckoning watched in amazement, both the semi and its trailer leaped over the flatbed cars and cleared them completely. The truck landed safely on the other side of the tracks.

In the Barbarian, Michael hit Turbo Boost and jumped safely over the train as a few box cars began to approach.

In their jeep, Kegaleisa and Kitaneidas attempted the jump as well. But as they went over the mound of earth, they crashed into an empty wooden box car and came out the other side. Their jeep flipped over in the air and crashed to the ground completely wrecked. As with their leader, the two Pollution Ministers fled from their wrecked vehicle just before it exploded in a huge fireball.

KITT 3000 reached the railway crossing and Mike turbo boosted over the train himself. The two VSSE cars opted for the safe approach and came to a stop as they reached the railway.

"Can you three handle yourselves from here on?" asked Robert over the radio.

"We'll be fine, guys. Thanks for helping us get this far." Mike Traceur remarked.

"The semi really held up there, Bonnie. Good work on it." Michael Knight said.

"Michael? Can you do me a favour?" Bonnie asked over the radio as she sat, shaken up, in the semi's trailer/HQ.

"Sure." Michael replied.

"Remind me to kick RC's ass when this is all over!" Bonnie growled.

"Will do, beautiful!" Michael chuckled.

* * *

The Regalo had just pulled out of a gas station along a desert highway. Cindy was now driving it. But the car was still going at full speed.

"Glad we got those tires changed with time to spare." she laughed.

"Seriously, Cindy, the speeds that you and Yogi have been driving at are starting to worry me." Ranger Smith said as he mopped his brow with a handkerchief.

"No sweat, Ranger. They can both handle it." Boo Boo reassured as the Regalo tore down the blacktop.

"Your journey ends here, losers!" Shego's voice yelled over their radio.

Up ahead of them, the Capital and the Comrade roared towards them on a collision course, one of them in each lane.

"I do declare! Dick Dastardly never misses a trick!" Cindy snorted.

"What do we do?" asked Quick Draw.

"I'm aiming for the Comrade." Cindy smirked.

"Why?" asked Yogi in uncertainty.

"Because it's a Hummer I'd dare say." Ranger Smith replied.

"Exactly, sugar." Cindy smirked. "It's a show car with a high-lift kit that makes up for Jafar's lil' old inferiority complex."

"What is that crazy cornpone she-bear doing?" the stunned Jafar demanded of no-one in particular as the Regalo came right at him in the right-hand lane.

"Squash them!" Oil Can Harry yelled.

Cindy was now right on top of them.

"CURSES!" yelled Jafar as he swerved out of the Regalo's way and ended up hitting a petrified tree at the side of the road. The villains were unhurt, but once again the wheels fell off the Comrade as it crashed.

Mad Dog turned the Capital around and drove off after the Regalo. As they prepared to pursue the Wacky Racers, the news chopper suddenly swooped down into the road and blocked their way.

"Smile for the cameras!" Wes Mantooth cheered as the Capital screeched to a halt.

"Why are you helping those guys?" Drakken asked in disbelief.

"I've always been a fan of Yogi's show." Wes replied. "Plus, I watched 'Wacky Races' specifically to see Dick Dastardly get humiliated week after week for being a colossal jerk. So the notion of him losing this bet and having to wear a dress on the next leg amuses me greatly."

"Thanks a lot, Wes." Cindy said over the radio. "Keep up the good work covering the race."

"You'd better let us pass, Mantooth!" snapped Mad Dog.

Wes moved a barrel over from beside him in the chopper and dumped its contents onto the Capital.

"Gas!" gasped Shego as the car was covered in gasoline.

Wes then took out a cigarette lighter and held it threateningly.

"I wouldn't do anything rash if I were you." he laughed.

"You're crazy!" declared Drakken.

"With a capital 'C', daktari!" Wes laughed.

"I hope you never win an Emmy!" Mojo grumbled.

"THAT'S the best curse you could think of?!" Wes chuckled again. "Someone stick a gag on him so he never gives any more lame insults!"

"Asshole." Shego hissed.

* * *

In the ghost town, the unconscious Killer Cars had all been tied up at various posts around the town. Ford Fairlane smirked as he admired their handiwork.

"Dare I ask where you got those weapons, mister?" Ty asked FG.

"I have connections. Nothing you need concern yourself with." FG said. "How did you know how to use them, though."

"I have a life outside street racing." Ty haughtily commented. "I'm an Army reserve sergeant."

"You don't say." FG smirked. "An honour to serve with you."

"I still think you could have given me a gun." Lana snapped. "I can handle one."

"Really?" Trikz said, dumbfounded.

"That dance troupe I toured with in Europe before I became the choreographer in Lidell's old club played some real dives." Lana remarked. "Believe me, I learned how to use a weapon pretty quick."

"Maybe next time." Ty joked.

"Maybe I'll break my foot off in your ass, 'playa'!" Lana snapped.

Jessie, Meowth, and Giovanni looked angrily at the Charger as the sound of mechanical work finally finished and James rolled out from underneath.

"HA! I told you I'd beat you, you..." James began. His jaw then dropped as he saw the four killers had all been beaten.

"What? Did ya think all the vehicle noise was just a movie or something?" asked Ford in triumph.

"They beat these assholes while you were still working out what to do with the General Lee there, you snail-speed halfwit!" Jessie snapped in anger. "Didn't the fact that it's now broad daylight give you a goddamn clue?! YOU IDIOT!"

"Aw, crap!" James groaned.

"That's right!" Ford cheered. "Hickory Dickory Dock, ya run outta time on the clock! OHHHHH!"

"You actually think we're going to pay you because of that stupid bet?!" Giovanni snarled.

"I don't care about money." said Ford. "I never actually agreed to any terms with blue boy over there. But I have something in mind for you guys."

"And ya think we'll actually do it?!" Meowth sneered.

"You don't do it, and we'll all testify on the Cannonball website that Team Rocket is the biggest (bleep)ing collection of spineless, wimp, chicken-shit pussy (bleep)ing (bleep)wad (bleep)sucking (bleep)s in the whole of God's Creation." Buster smiled. "That a good enough reason for ya?"

"You kiss your momma with that mouth?" Trikz asked in shock.

Giovanni turned beet red and dug his nails into his palms. He sighed deeply and swallowed hard.

"Alright. We'll do whatever it is." he grumbled.

"BOSS?!" chorused Jessie, James and Meowth.

"It's your own fault, James! So suck it up!" Giovanni yelled. "Besides, even if the three of you are cowards, which I know to be true, I will not have our organisation's name be blackened by some 1950's refugee like Fairlane."

Giovanni turned to Ford. "So, what do we have to do?"

"Can any of you sing, dance and/or play an instrument?" asked Jazz.

"And how much do you know about 80s fashion?" Ford added.

* * *

Lone Wolf and the other protectors who had made it into Dorajland had met up with the Cannonballers at their makeshift base in Yendys. Lara and her team had now joined them, as had Tanner and Jones and Team Furious.

"So, this is all of you guys who are in this city right now?" Lone Wolf asked.

"There are a few others." Pitt remarked. "Some of them are going through the country in a convoy and trying to avoid trouble."

"We thought we'd found Jarod earlier, but it turned out to be a trap." MacGruber remarked, still fire-blackened from the day before.

"Okay, we really need to put our thinking caps on here." Rico spoke up. "The way I see it, some of the other enemies of the Cannonball will try and seize an opportunity to attack you here while you're temporarily out of commission."

"How about this, then?" asked Snake. "The majority of us stay here in Yendys and distract Nod's attention, keeping them focused on us, while some others try and locate Jarod?"

"Good idea." said Pitt.

"I'd like to volunteer myself and my team to find Jarod." Lara said. "Two years ago, my team-mates and the Williams sisters who are with us now took care of a similar military force's base in Asia."

"With some help, admittedly, but we handled ourselves." Joanna added.

"Alright then. You can try and find Jarod." Rico nodded.

"Way ahead of you." Anna said. "I remember hearing some rumours about the Brotherhood of Nod back when I used to do black ops missions."

"Me too." said Nina. "We heard that they have these construction mechs which are capable of building highly fortified bases in less than a day."

"So it's possible that they've recently built such a base to hold Jarod." Anna added.

"Worth a try." said Lara. "I think we'll try and attract their attention."

"Good idea." said Bulletproof. "Do you need help for such an operation?"

"Thanks for the offer, but we should be able to handle it." Joanna said

"I'm going with them anyway." Tanner spoke up. "Me and Jones both."

"Are you sure you're not just doing that to hang out with the lovely ladies?" Giordino mischievously asked.

"We have skills too, you know!" Jones said haughtily.

"Besides, I'd like to finally prove that that rumour that I'm useless outside of my car IS just a rumour." Tanner added in a heated tone.

"Alright, John. You can help us out as well." said Joanna in a placating way.

"Alright. Off you go." said Lone Wolf as Lara's team headed for the Vulcano and Tanner and Jones headed for the Sorcerer.

"So, we'll be concentrating enemy fire here in Yendys?" asked Gunn.

"Yes. It's our duty to keep the civilians safe." Ethan said.

"Where's Skeeter?" asked Highway.

"Off trying to see if he can find and modify a suitable assault vehicle anywhere in the city." Bulletproof replied.

"Right. Let's go get Nod's attention to buy him some time." said Xander as the group headed for their vehicles.

"Hey, Jake." said Max as they headed for the Black Knight. "Did you notice that this city's name is 'Sydney' spelled backwards?"

Jake thought for a minute. "Yeah, I did. You think Jarod has a grudge against Australia?"

"If he does, I'll certainly have to give him a good talking-to after he's rescued." Max replied.

* * *

Silent Bob walked over to the Falcon and climbed in with Jay and Brodie.

"Are you guys sure you're okay to race again?" Marge asked.

"We were a bit shaken up and bruised, but we'll be fine." Brodie said.

"Thanks for returning the Lunchbox there!" yelled Jay.

"No problem!" yelled Homer. "He was starting to stink up the car!"

Silent Bob looked at them incredulously as the Kowalski drove off.

"Well, let's get on our way." said Brodie as he started the car and drove out of the side street.

They immediately came face to face with LaFours and stopped.

"Just once, I'd like to make it through one continent without seeing this frickin' guy!" moaned Jay.

LaFours revved his engine a couple of times. Brodie revved his back and put the Falcon into gear.

"Hit it!" said Jay.

Brodie floored the accelerator and raced backwards. LaFours took off after him.

"Hang on." said Brodie. He quickly cut the wheel to the left and executed a reverse bootlegger.

"Not bad for a front driver." said Jay.

Brodie turned onto the highway with LaFours in hot pursuit. They came out in front of the Jawbreaker.

"This is Montoya calling. I am in pursuit of a Cannonballer. Over."

"Zis is Inspector Clouseau. I'm on my way to help."

"No way." said Montoya. "This is my guy."

"Perhaps, you should accept the assistance of an inspector with the Paris police." said Clouseau.

"I understand." said Montoya. "I just don't see how your being a police inspector is germaine to the situation."

"No, no, no." said Clouseau. "Not German. French!"

The Falcon continued out of the city with the Opus and Jawbreaker right behind it. The CM Venga joined them in short order.

"Oh, they're just coming out of the woodwork now." said Brodie.

The Jawbreaker and CM Venga pressed the attack. Both started to gain on the Falcon.

"Here they come." said Jay.

"Hang on." said Brodie.

Suddenly, Brodie performed a spinout and let the Jawbreaker and CM Venga race past him. Seconds later, he got back in gear and sped back the way he'd come.

"Sweet." said Jay.

Brodie raced around a corner and found the Opus parked across the road and LaFours standing next to it. He quickly got on the brakes and spun until he faced the entrance to a dirt road.

LaFours approached the car and spoke over the CB to Brodie.

"Now I've got you, you little geekazoid!" he said. The team looked stunned as he had spoken in a very high-pitched, squeaky voice.

"No wonder he never talks." said Silent Bob.

Brodie got back on the gas and raced onto the dirt road. LaFours quickly got back into the Opus and took off after him. The Jawbreaker and CM Venga came racing up as well.

"This suspect is all ours." said Bullock.

The Jawbreaker passed the Opus to get after the Falcon.

"This road doesn't appear to be driven very often." said Brodie.

"Oh shit, there's why." said Jay.

The bridge ahead of them was out.

"Now, REALLY hang on!" said Brodie.

He aimed the Falcon towards the collapsed bridge and gunned it. He hit the ramp and jumped the gap in the Falcon.

"Don't do it! Don't do it!" pleaded Bullock. Montoya quickly got on the brakes.

She managed to stop just before the gap in the bridge. The Opus came to a stop right behind her.

"That was close." said Bullock.

Suddenly, the CM Venga rear-ended the Opus and sent it crashing into the Jawbreaker, knocking it into the gap and into the stream below.

Clouseau, Cato, and LaFours climbed out of their cars and walked over to the gap. Montoya and Bullock had opened the doors and climbed onto them.

"Pardon me." said Clouseau. "Are you working under this Montoya?"

"I AM Montoya." she said angrily.

"Oh, sorry." said Clouseau. "You sounded taller on the radio."

* * *

In the central part of Yendys, the rest of Banner's group, including Virginia now, had set up a roadblock.

Parked nearby was a GM TDH 5303 prison bus which Slater and Michaels had commandeered from the courthouse building.

"Nice, you guys." Victoria Crown remarked. "Providing the Cannonballers with a lift to where they'll be going when we stop 'em."

"I know. That's why we called it the Lockdown." Michaels remarked.

"A number of them will no doubt come this way." Banner said smugly as their vehicles formed the blockade.

"Are you sure this is safe, though?" Virginia asked. "I heard one of the city's police officers say that their hands are tied because some kind of coup d'etat is going on."

"I thought it was incredibly easy how we got the Lockdown from the courthouse." Slater said thoughtfully.

"We'll be fine, I'm sure." Banner said.

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the 'resistance' headquarters at the factory, Skeeter had just presented the three vehicles he had found and modified for combat.

The first was a grey '75 Ford Torino with red stripes which had a supercharger sticking through the hood and a set of floodlights attached to the roof. It also had a spoiler on the rear-end, a set of fenders on the front fashioned into a kind of battering ram and more metal beams forming an external roll cage.

"This lil' sweetheart here is called the Stormrider." Skeeter beamed. "I thought it would be perfect for a guy like you, Dom."

"Well, I'm not much of a Ford guy, but it does look like it'll do the job." said Dom. "Brian, Vince, you guys ready?"

"Yeah, bro." Brian said.

"I've got those things that Tej cooked up after that business in London." Vince added. "Be nice to use them to make our opponents' lives miserable."

"Right. Let's go." said Dom as they climbed into the Stormrider.

The two other vehicles were a pair of big rig trucks. The first was a grey Kenworth W-900 with some slight hints of rust here and there on it.

The cab had the roof cut off it and the front fender and grille had been modified to include a large plough.

The other truck was a grey White Road Boss with monster truck tyres and yellow stripes on the hood, roof and sides. This truck also had hints of rust here and there.

It had heavy steel pipes attached to the front of the grille as a battering ram/shield.

"The Kenworth here is called the Icebreaker." announced Skeeter. "And the Road Boss is called the Bone Crusher."

"Those are mean wheels, Skeeter." Lone Wolf announced. "I think we'll take the Icebreaker."

He, Bulletproof, Highway and Hardtop all got into the Icebreaker.

"And we'll take the Bone Crusher." said Alex as the Angels, Max and Hymie got into the Bone Crusher.

"I just know that Nod will face a lot of trouble with these here beauties." Highway smiled.

"Remember, cause Nod as much trouble here so that Lara can carry out her mission." Bulletproof announced.

"I've got a weird feeling that Nod aren't the only ones about to face trouble with big trucks." Hardtop said.

"Probably your imagination." Highway said.

"I hope." Hardtop replied.

* * *

The Barbarian drove down a trail road into the Tsavo National Park's east side. Following behind at a distance were the FLAG semi and KITT 3000.

"Michael, I'm sensing something very large in a clearing about half a mile ahead of us." KITT said. "I think you can guess what it is."

"Sure can, buddy." Michael said grimly.

"I also sense sensor readings similar to both mine and my predecessor, Mr. Knight." KITT 3000 said.

"KARR?" Bonnie asked over the radio.

"That's affirmative." Mike Traceur said. "And from the looks of the readings, both of our old friends have had a major overhaul."

"Then, let's prepare accordingly." Michael added as he made sure that the Barbarian's laser power pack was fully charged and Mike activated a switch on KITT 3000's dashboard which opened up a missile rack on the rear of the car.

In the cab of the semi, RC3 extended the fender battering rams on the front of the vehicle.

"Come on out, you bastard." Michael thought to himself as they approached the clearing. It was as large as a stadium, which was appropriate considering what was about to happen.

Waiting for them there were Goliath and KARR. KARR had transformed into his robot mode and Goliath had its trailer removed so it could move faster.

In addition, a large laser gun barrel was attached to Goliath's fortified front end, just below the windshield. Both Goliath and KARR seemed to be covered by a defensive energy shield.

Garthe activated a speaker on Goliath and spoke into it.

"So, you made short work of my old friend Kuna's men, Michael. But it will make no difference." he said.

"Indeed. Our good friends from outer space added many improvements to us as you can no doubt see." KARR added.

"Glad to see that you haven't changed, Garthe." said Michael over the comms. "You still use every dirty trick your money can buy you."

"Enough talk!" Garthe snapped. "Now, I shall rid myself of you once and for all."

"I'll handle the truck and Mr. Knight, Jr." KARR said smugly as he opened up his gun and missile ports.

"Here we go." Mike said to himself.

TO BE CONTINUED


End file.
